Don't Take Anything Personally! Not as Easy as it Sounds.

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day, everyone. How are you on this chilly, chilly, chilly fall day? I am so excited that you're here and we're gonna have a great conversation. Both broadcasting through BlogTalkRadio, and I am also streaming on Shedding the Bitch on our Facebook page. So be sure to check us out in either one of those over the next hour, and/or following the show, you can always watch the replay or download the podcast. But I am so happy that you're here. We're gonna have a great conversation all about how to not take things so So how many of you are guilty of sometimes just taking things so personally that it actually has a negative impact on whatever it is that you're doing at that moment, whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish that day, week, month? It might actually impact a relationship that you are in or, you know, are just a part of. So we want to kind of talk about that. But before we do, and before we get into all of it, I just want to thank our new, uh, listeners and our viewers. So both through BlogTalkRadio, Apple Podcast, or any of our podcast streaming services, as well as watching the shows on our Shed the Bitch TV YouTube channel, I am so grateful to all of you for checking it out, sticking around, leaving comments. Um, and please continue to do so. Like, share, um, like I said, post comments, rate us, especially on things like Apple Podcasts. Um, and let us know also, let us know what are the topics, uh, that are top of mind to you that you would love to, uh, hear about, have some experts on to talk about. And we're going to be revamping Shedding the Bitch for next year. So I would love all of your comments. And that goes out to as well our ongoing, uh, followers, listeners, viewers, our community in the Shedding the Bitch world, uh, that has been part of us and helping to get all these new eyes and ears onto the program. So again, please continue to like, uh, comment, whatever they might be. And like, you know, today's subject, it's all about not taking things personally. And I won't. I want to hear from you no matter what it is. But continue to subscribe, continue to share one of the episodes or our channels on YouTube, on BlogTalkRadio, our Shedding the Bitch page on Facebook. And, you know, we'd love for you to help us get more and more eyes and ears on the program. All right, but as I said, let's jump into this. As I said, we are talking about how to not take things so personally. Now, I am sure, um, you know, every one of us experience it at some time, but have you ever really been disrespected or called out like in front of a whole room? Maybe it's at work or a social, social event. Or even, even at your family dinner table? Um, has a stranger ever kind of insulted you or confronted you out in public and you just weren't sure kind of how to respond? But more so, walking away from it, whether it be 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days, you're still holding on to it and allowing it to just eat at you? How did it leave you? How does it leave you feeling when you are put in a position like that? Because that's going to be a huge part of what we're going to want to talk about is, you know, what are the triggers? What are the causes of some of us being able to kind of shake it off easily, and then some of us struggling, struggling to let it go and hanging on to it to where it really just Eats at your soul because insults and disrespect and simple hate talk can really do a great deal of damage. It can do damage on your self-esteem. It could do damage on your feeling of, of worth and value. It could do damage on just your whole outlook on life. And so, um, we really want to kind of learn what it takes And it's not as simple as it sounds, and it's not simple to do even after you hear what it takes, um, to kind of make those shifts. But at the same time, it is so very doable to get yourself into a place that, um, you can kind of easily shake something off. Now, if you are listening or watching live, and again, uh, listening on BlogTalkRadio broadcast live, you you can go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio, and you can even scroll down and there's a chat room right there, and you can post any question, comment, uh, maybe a story that you have in regards to dealing, you know, kind of with insults or being disrespected, so forth and so on. At the same time, if you are on our Shedding the Bitch Facebook page and you're watching this streaming live. I'm actually pulling it up so I can watch any comments or questions that you might have as we go through the discussion. And be sure to post them. And if they are questions that I need to be addressing right now, then I will certainly do that. You can also— because I am multitasking, I don't have Deborah today, so I am like triple tasking actually— and you know, you could also call in to 1-818-572-2910 because I am live. Sometimes we pre-record, but today I am with you live. So I just want to share some of my stories, hoping that maybe you can relate and you can kind of understand that, yes, you know, I was a person who was very much so consumed, consumed with how other people saw me, how other people thought of me, how other people, you know, kind of viewed my status, my position, my power, my prosperity. I was just almost, you know, close to being narcissistic about just how the world viewed me, and therefore how did I respond to ensure that how they viewed me is, is what I wanted. And so let me give you a few instances, um, of just my my not-so-handling, uh, you know, uh, hard talk, ridicule, rejection, um, even hate talk. Uh, but for instance, in 2005, there's nothing worse. And ladies, I'm sure many of you can, can, um, can relate. You know, in 2005, I was, I was not only rejected by a man I was in love with amongst the two of us. It was on one or two situations, or one or two occasions, done in front of a room full of people. And, you know, you can only imagine how that feels. You know, it almost like sends you back to when you're 12, 13, or 14, and you're experiencing puppy love for the first time. And that boy— I'll never forget it— that boy rejects you. You know, it is— you know, some people will say to you, oh, just gonna over, he wasn't good enough, so forth and so on. But ooh, does, uh, does it hurt and does it hang on. Um, and in my case, it hung on way too long and, uh, definitely impacted, you know, all— every area of my life, not just my social life. Excuse me, but I have like a, a little feather or something tickling my nose. Um, but then in 2008 Nothing can be more insulting and more hurtful than being fired by your mentor of 12 years. So, you know, that was, that was something significant that I kind of had to figure it all out and work through it and try to uncover not only what, what caused, what caused the firing, and trust me, it was my doing. But at the same time, I really had to dig deep to understand why I was reacting and, and hurting so badly. So bad. Um, because I mean, betrayal, mistrust, disrespect, cruelty, hate— they are all painful. At the same time, if it were to happen to me today, I would not have lived down in that, that loathing and that victimhood and that hurt for as long as I did. And then in 2009 And by this point, I'm beginning to work on kind of my post-firing, my post, my post need to really discover who I was and who I wanted to be. But in late 2009, as I'm sharing with a roomful, and I'm talking a roomful of friends and acquaintances about my new entrepreneurial venture and my desire to go off on my own and, and pretty much invest everything that I had in going out on my own and not going back to my corporate career, I found myself days later, not weeks or months, days later, sitting in an empty living room by myself for months on end. Because whatever I said and however I said it and/or kind of the impact of what I was messaging to them caused them to, to turn, to turn away and, and not want anything to do with me anymore. So those, I mean, those situations, they're powerful and they're hurtful and they really, really dig deep. And yet at the same time, you know, there's ways to kind of work through it. So I was going through what I call my shedding process from 2008 to today, but then in 2010 I'm starting to really kind of come into my own. I'm starting to build my confidence. Can you relate? Where you're really working on who you are and you're investing in self-care. And so I was so excited. It was May. I'll never forget. It was May. I was down on my beach trip, which I just was a couple weeks ago, but I was down on my beach trip with hanging out with my sisters. And all of a sudden my sister Peg said, hey Bernadette, have you Googled yourself recently? You know, considering the fact that you're about to launch, you know, Ball of Fire Coaching. At the time, it was Ball of Fire Inc. But, you know, have you Googled yourself recently? Because, you know, there are some nasty things out here about you that would certainly impact anyone going to look for a business consultant, a business coach, a transformation— a transformation coach speaker. You know, it would definitely impact my, my ability to, you know, earn credibility and, you know, respect, let alone clients. And so here I'm glancing at this and staring at this computer screen, and it was a website that disgruntled employees or friends or whomever can go on and post a complaint about an individual. And here it was, it was something like horriblebosses.com or something to that effect. And here I was reading, and I'm gonna read it to you. Here I was reading this comment about me. Once upon a time, there were two bitches, one called blank, I won't reveal that, and one Bernadette Boas. They both worked a very big name. They both worked for a very big name in the US. Both had nothing better to do but micromanaging, play games, be loud, and fire people. Fortunately and finally, the company realized that both bitches were just a waste of time, and the bitches finally had to bite the dust. One bitch though now claims to have all the answers. That would be me. Perhaps she should reflect on herself and be totally honest. She may as well realize that she is the biggest bitch. Now I'm able to read that to you because, you know, from the time 2010 came around to when I actually wrote and published my book in 2011, late 2011, I had really been digging deep, excavating my soul as I call it, and really trying to discover, confront, and shed all of those things about me, you know, pre-2008, and making these shifts to be— to being the woman that I am today. And so over these— this time, and this is why I want to prove to you that, you know, you can change, you can shift, you can make a decision to be someone different and to respond. And in this case, it's responding, right? It's, you know, not taking these things personally. Respond, you know, in a, in a different way. And so yes, in 2010, when I'm looking at this website that, you know, is, is proclaiming all of this disgust for me, it certainly hit hard because the fact that here I was launching, trying, you know, working to launch a business, and it wasn't going to work for me. But fortunately, fortunately, um, putting a call into this website, before I called the Small Business Bureau, um, uh, you know, they recognized that yes, this is defamation, that yes, people can complain, and that's what they wanted to, you know, provide on this website, but people can't be using names, which basically they did. Um, and so they took it down very quickly and from basically anywhere and everywhere you can find it. So by 2011, when I was actually working and writing my book I thought, what a better way to validate kind of the story I'm about to share and the experiences and the lessons and the tips than to post that in my book. Actually, it's on page 3 of my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. This is my copy, so it's a mess. But my point being is that in those 3 years from the time, you know, that I was painfully hurt and felt very betrayed by someone. I took it very personally. It was very personal. To 2011, when I was really determined to not be that person any longer and to be a person of kindness and joy and love and truth and transparency and giving and compassion, that I was able to say, you know what, nothing would be more validating about this story and this lesson that I'm about to share in this book than to publicize that verbatim, just as it's written. I was no longer a victim of who I was in the past. I, you know, I shedded what I, you know, knew wasn't working for me, wasn't serving me, wasn't serving you, wasn't serving other people around me, wasn't serving my business, wasn't serving anything, my love life. And, and, you know, and I was able to own it, take accountability for it, and share it with others so they can learn from my own experiences. And that's what I've been trying to do ever since in all the work that I do. So, excuse me. So it just— I just wanted to start with those examples to, you know, kind of have you thinking to yourself, well, yeah, I have been through some of these experiences Bernadette has been through.. And boy, you know, if you're in that place of, oh, I'm stuck, boy, I would love to get to that point where I really don't care what anybody thinks. I don't care what anybody thinks. And yes, did that statement— because I want to make sure I address this— did that statement on that website, and, you know, and, and, and sooner or later, I should say, my book, did that pain me that I hurt somebody? Absolutely. I need to make sure I say that, that I'm just not, you know, brushing over, um, this review, this complaint from someone, that I'm actually feeling it. Trust me, I sat with it. I felt it. It, it was hurtful and painful to, to read it, to even think about. I didn't care about me. I cared about what damage I caused somebody else. Um, And that was the whole purpose of the book. The whole purpose of the book is as an apology. So I was able to move on from it. I didn't— I kind of sensed who it was, um, but I wasn't going to, you know, necessarily reach out specifically to that individual, um, you know, to address it. I simply did what I did in the book as an apology. I even wrote an apology on the next page to everyone And I moved on from it. So that is kind of what I want to have you think about and consider for yourself as we talk about this, because the greatest lesson that we can learn about ourselves is that, you know, there— everything that we do, everything that we say, everything that we feel, everything that we think, everything that we believe, um, especially about ourselves, isn't always the, the kindest, the most loving, the most compassionate or empathetic. I mean, there's, there's times when, uh, not only other people are, uh, are hurtful and, uh, you know, and create pain for us, but we actually create more pain and more, um, I guess I'll leave it with pain. We create more pain for ourselves than anyone else can because it is our choice to allow others' ridicule, judgment, um, hate to affect us. We have a choice to, um, say, okay, am I going to allow this to, you know, take me to my knees? Am I going to allow it to affect my going after my dreams? Am I going to allow it to, um, you know, impact, uh, who I love, how I love, what I, what I love? You know, to do or to be or whatever. You know, we have a choice, we have a decision that we can make as to whether or not, um, someone else's words and actions affect us the way they do. And why I say that is because the best person to judge you is you. Now that's tricky. Because many of you, um, are already judging yourselves in ways that are very unkind and very unfounded. Can you relate to that? So it's a, it's a tricky, it's a tricky place to be, you know. I, and I have to be careful as to how I'm going about this because, um, I don't want it to seem so flippant, you know, and I don't want to come off as if, oh well, she thinks that it's just so easy to discard what my partner says about me or what my child says or a friend or a colleague or my boss or somebody online, a complete stranger, an acquaintance. Um, you know, it's easy for her, you know, to say, oh, just, you know, don't, don't take it so— don't take it personally, don't take it so hard, just, you know, shake it off. Which are going to be a number of things that we talk about. But trust me when I say I recognize that it's not that easy. But I will have you think about simply when you are called out, disrespected, when you are, uh, shamed, or when people do use negative, hateful words toward you, whether that's in person, in writing, on a phone call, whatever the case might be. The first thing I would have you, you know, to do— and it doesn't matter how fast or slow you do it— but I would say to yourself, I would ask yourself, you know, are they— is that a validated comment, statement, action that, that this person's making. You know, am I blank blank blank blank blank? Um, and do it through, you know, do it through a filter of your heart, not necessarily— not your mind, not your brain, not all your— not all of the you know, the, the belief systems and limiting statements that you make about yourself, but really, truly your heart. Because we could be extremely hard on ourselves on a day-in, day-out basis, but deep down inside, we know who we truly are. You know who you truly are. And why I know that so firmly is even in my ugliest of days And with that, that, um, that point of no return when I was fired from my mentor and I lost everything in 2008, I kind of walked forward, not just literally but also figuratively. I walked forward knowing that despite all the realizations I was having about myself, that I was a very nasty person and it was because I was insecure and had very, you know, low self-esteem. I knew deep down inside in my heart that that wasn't me, because then I was able to remember and recall the fun-loving, precocious, you know, 8-year-old, 10-year-old, 12-year-old, 14-year-old that I was. That all, all I wanted was to, you know, be surrounded by my family and my friends and, and love and, and, and kindness and joy and laughter. I knew that. But sadly, many of us, as I did, we kind of push it down so far we forget. We forget about that person. And so I, I'll just ask you, um, I'll just ask you initially that, you know, before you allow it to seep into your, into your bones, um, you know, spend some time just really considering whether or not, and, you know, am I really that person, or am I really that aspect of what this, you know, what this situation, this individual is saying or doing. Toward me? Um, and, you know, just look at that first. And then from there, you really want to understand that— you really want to understand, more, more importantly, kind of where are you being triggered? Why are you holding on to something so tightly that it's hard to let it go, especially when it comes from strangers and acquaintances versus the people that you love. So you do kind of need to, you know, kind of lump them into two categories: the people that I love and the people that, um, I don't even know. And trust me when I say, nowadays with social media the way it is, 99% of the, of the, the hateful, you know, insulting, disrespecting words and behaviors and actions are coming from the not, you know, the, the, the people that you don't even know, the strangers and even the acquaintances who don't know who you truly are, who don't know who I am. And that's why ever since that, roughly around that 2011 to today, you know, not to say that I don't get any, you know, hate, hate talk or hate comments or complaints or or just, you know, ridicule, I can laugh it off because I've learned about who I am and who I truly am and where my heart lies. And the only time I, I hang on to something— and think about this for yourself— the only time I hang on with something, um, and I take it personally is when it's coming from someone I love someone that I trust, someone that I respect, someone that I, you know, support, someone that means something to me. And trust me, they're not strangers and acquaintances. Now I'll go back on that, I'll go back on that, I'll throw it out there. They might be acquaintances, and let me give you an example of how that is. So let's use the social media world out there. I do a lot of work, like I am right now, I'm broadcasting on Shedding the Bitch Facebook page, right? And a good many of you I know, I interact with, I, you know, engage with, I communicate with. And a majority of you I don't on a day-in, day-out basis, and, and actually in, in a frequent basis. But I care about, you know, what I am doing, what I'm delivering, what I am saying, what, what I am thinking and sharing, and would hope that I don't, you know, I don't offend, I don't, um, I don't receive negative comments, complaints, uh, ridicule. So forth and so on. Um, so for instance, doing this radio show, you know, I certainly would hope that I get positive feedback and I get inputs and I get comments and to a degree, not praise, but compliments. And yet I will receive negative comments, I will receive, um, complaints, I will receive on occasion that individual who just doesn't get it or just isn't in the same camp, so to speak, that I am. And the way I view that is that's perfectly okay. That's perfectly okay. Yes, will I be disappointed that I'm not delivering or hitting the mark or relating? Yes, absolutely, no doubt about it. But I'm not going to allow it to take me off course. I'm not going to allow it to all of a sudden, you know, have me questioning myself. I'm not going to allow it to eat at my soul and my self-worth and my self-esteem and my self-love. I, you know, I just can't. Now, if a friend or a colleague or a coach gives me hard feedback or gives me critique And trust me, I, I have to seek it all the time in order to improve. You have to seek it all the, all the time in order to improve. Then yes, do I sit with it and does it hurt and/or is uncomfortable? Absolutely. We're all human. At the same time, it's a matter of how do we process it, how do we use it, how do we see it as, you know, lessons and power and knowledge to be better, to grow, to evolve. And that's what I want you to really be thinking about, okay? So first, I, I want you to be thinking about, you know, what is causing me to react the way I'm reacting? What is triggering me? What is causing me to hold on? Is it past, you know, is it past limiting beliefs or experiences? Or, you know, did you grow up kind of hearing a lot of noise and chatter, and, and, you know, you've allowed it to, to embed within your, your being. Um, and trust me when I say it's, you know, it's understandable when it happens. Just recognize that as soon as you acknowledge it and as soon as you see how it's negatively impacting you and you decide, I don't want that affect any longer. I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to believe that. I don't want to, um, hold back. Or a lot of us kind of throw ourselves into very precarious, um, not so good for us situations. Then you have a choice that you can make, just as I mentioned earlier. You have a choice. Do I live with it, or do I let it go? And I would hope that you say to yourself, I'm going to let it go. And, you know, again, I don't want to seem as if I— it's, oh, it's so easy to just let it go. But as you work on building your confidence, your self-esteem, your self-worth, your value in life, honoring your riches, trust me when I say it will become easy to kind of disregard those things that are said to you or done to you that are coming from, from someone else's place of insecurity and intimidation and negativity and low self-worth. Just trust me when I say that that is very, very doable and is absolutely possible to happen. Okay, um, so, you know, I would also suggest Um, when it comes to— sorry, I have a whiny dog at my door who is crying for Coco at the moment. It's, it's my renter's dog, and he's like whining at the door right now trying to get Coco's attention and to get my attention to open the door, which I will not. Um, so you'll have to wait, Coco dear. Coco's sitting here next to me. Um, Anyway, so when it comes to those strangers and acquaintances, I am going to kind of sound, you know, I am going to kind of sound, uh, flippant when I say, who cares? Who cares about people you don't know? But I'm asking that as a question for you to consider for yourself. Ask yourself, why is it I care so much about what this stranger is saying or thinking or believing about whatever it is that I'm doing or saying or thinking or believing? Why is, you know, why is it getting to me so personally when I— that I don't even know that person and that person certainly doesn't know me? And but even the acquaintance Acquaintances are those people who, you know, yes, they know of you, they don't know you. So you have a choice, you know, help them to get to know you, um, or recognize that they don't know who you are. They don't know your being. They don't know your heart and your soul. So where— what basis, what foundation do they have to make any type of comment, good or bad. And let me give you an example of good, because I don't want this all being about bad. Because ladies, many of us have a very difficult time honoring our riches, accepting compliments, and we shuff it off as, you know, oh, we dismiss it so easily as, oh well, you know, it's just what it is. Um, and that's just as dangerous as us holding on to the negative stuff, holding on to the things that that, you know, you're taking so personally. But let me give you a for instance. LinkedIn. LinkedIn allows strangers to endorse you, endorse your skills. I have a problem with that. And I'll just do this quickly. I have a problem with that. The people don't know me. So how are they endorsing me for my speaking, for my coaching, for my writing, for my consulting, for the way I serve my clients? You know, how can they endorse me for that? My point being is this: even when, you know, you're getting compliments or when you're getting praise, when they're coming from strangers or acquaintances who haven't been, you know, have never experienced you, that's, that's just, you know, that's just as or should be meaningless as, you know, the person who's doing you harm who doesn't know you. That, you know, it's just, you know, it's as simple as that. But it's not simple in, you know, how you respond to it, but it's, it's, it's a simple, logical, black and white should you really look at it in that, in that way. And so I would, you know, also suggest, um, in regard to just not worrying about what other people think. Is to really initially, when something hurts or, or something is uncomfortable for you, consider the source. Consider where it's coming from. Consider why you're feeling the pain or the hurt or the disappointment, um, and then kind of assess how you should be responding to it. Sometimes you need to kind of respond back from those people that you do respect and regard and love and so forth and so on. But other times you just need to let it go and, you know, put it aside. I heard a statement several years ago that has always stayed with me, um, ever since, and I wish I'd learned it decades ago. And that is, you'd be surprised at how little people think about you. And I sat there for years— not days, not weeks, not months— years going, that doesn't make sense to me. You'd be surprised how little people think of you. What it means is we are— we get so much in our head and beat ourselves up about a situation or experience or an email or a phone call or an interaction that, that happened that we in our minds are are kind of creating and swirling and dramatizing to be something that, you know what, those other people walked away and never gave it a second thought. Now ladies, we can certainly relate to that when, where it pertains to men. You know, we're always in our head about how we think men are, you know, reacting and responding and thinking, and yet we never have a clue because they're not. Processing feelings and emotions and experiences and words the way we do. But it also happens even in the workplace, you know. You think that the fact that you weren't invited to a meeting, or you weren't, you know, invited to a lunch, you know, or you weren't offered a particular, you know, position or job or project— you take it so personally and eat— allow it to eat at you for days, weeks, months. When you have no clue what that individual is thinking about, what the decision-making process was, the fact that maybe it was a last-minute thing and, and, you know, and you weren't even going to be anywhere near where, you know, the lunch was going to be, for example, or the meeting was taking place, or the fact that, you know, the, the position had to go to this individual for some some reason, unbeknownst to you. Now, unless you go and ask and inquire and someone says, oh, we didn't want you to come to lunch, or we didn't want, want and/or feel that you are important or valuable or can contribute to a meeting, or the fact that, you know, I forget what my last example was, you know, unless you learn the actual facts about, oh, the promotion. Unless you actually learn about the facts Should you be disappointed, or should you be questioning yourself or beating yourself up? Now, once you learn it, and if it is something about you, meaning that you're not skilled enough to be promoted yet, or you weren't going to be a contributor to the meeting, or that the group of people, you know, didn't want you there, well, then you can, you know, you have information that you can learn from and you can kind of address and take action on. But other than that, You can't. So keep in mind that, that saying, 'I'd be surprised at how little people think of me,' because we just get too in our heads about and spend too much time worrying about what other people think of us, when the only person we should be worried about how we think about is us. You should be concerned about how you think about yourself. And that's where all your time should go, is understanding, learn— learning, understanding, accepting who you are or who you want to be. And so the next thing I would suggest you do, other than, you know, stop worrying and really understanding what triggers you, is to really learn and know how you feel about you. So your worth, really understand how you value yourself right now. And if it's not in the way that you want it to be, then put actions in place. Put— first, put goals and actions in place that will allow you to work on it. Because again, 99% of your time should not be focused on the strangers and acquaintances. And that's where majority of your, your worry and on holding on tight is come— is coming from. It's coming from complete strangers or acquaintances. That 99% of the time should be focused on you learning and growing within you. So, you know, put a quantitative and qualitative value to yourself, of how you value yourself. And why I say quality— quantitative, rather, is because many of you are business owners or corporate professionals. And so the business owners are always devaluing the rate that they, you know, that they provide on their services or the products that they're selling. And corporate professionals devalue themselves by not asking for the raise, for the bonus, for the promotion, for the income that they deserve. So if you need to, to truly understand this point about knowing your worth and honoring your riches, put a value on it right now, quantitatively and then qualitatively. What is it that you doubt about yourself? What is it that you feel insecure about yourself? What is it that you feel negative about yourself? What are those limiting self-beliefs, uh, that you have of yourself? What are those words you're using against yourself? Really take time to learn and be aware and conscious and intentional about all those things, because all of those things can be addressed by you being aware of them and then finding the solutions to address them. And that could be training, that could be reading, that could be a coach, that could be therapy, whatever the case might be. But understand that if you're taking things so personally that it's impacting you negatively in any aspect of your life, then there's a lot of within work that needs to be done and learning and recognizing the value you put on yourself is a great step towards that. Okay, because the next thing would be that you don't want to make judgments about yourself that no one else is making, and that's that negative self-talk. And we all have it. We all have it. I woke up Monday morning coming back from vacation just wanting to hit the snooze button like 1,000 times and never getting up because I just was purposely exhausted from my vacation. You know, you probably can understand that. You come back from vacation, you need a vacation to recover from your vacation because it was so much fun. But at the same time, my exhaustion had me looking in the mirror going, oof, you know, you look like you've aged 10 years. You know, I was all puffy, you know, from those cocktails, and I was, you know, I looked tired, and I was. Um, but you know, all of a sudden this negative self-talk starts up, and I'm like having to slap myself physically, you know, on the side of the head to keep myself from, from doing it. So I would just have you, you know, really focusing intentionally on how you are treating yourself, how you're talking to yourself. And I will often tell people and coach my clients to say you know, write it out. When you start talking to yourself in a negative, you know, way, in a negative tone, in a negative behavior, you know, start scribbling, start journaling. You know, write down verbatim what it is, you know, the words that you're using or the actions that you're taking. And then look at it and say, you know, again, going back to the very first, you know, suggestion is validate. Validate it. You know, I'm— you know, if I were to go back to that mirror from Monday morning, you know, looking tired and exhausted and aging 10 years, I might say yes, I was, because I had such a great time. But I would change it to be like, no, I— you know, you know, I look pretty good, you know, and I don't mind those, those bags that my father, you know, gave me. And if I did, then I can do something about it. Right, again, choice. And then I will, I will say casually, to shake it off, to shake it off. And I've learned more and more about this because of all of a sudden getting back into competitive sports with pickleball. And, you know, I've only been playing for a couple years, but early last year I, you know, decided to start playing tournaments just to challenge myself, whether it was singles or doubles with a friend. And I would find myself beating myself up if, you know, I wasn't doing well individually or we weren't doing well as a, as a doubles, as a couple partner. And I, you know, I thought to myself, just over, I would say, the last 4 or 5 months, I, you know, I'm no longer enjoying it. Because I'm beating myself up. And so I just need to shake off when I'm not having a good day, because, you know, every athlete, every, you know, successful person have bad days. And so I actually have learned to really more enjoy it while at the same time being very competitive, because I am— I'm not going to hide from that. I'm just enjoying it more and working on improving myself and my skill. So I'm practicing and drilling and, and then rec playing and then competitive playing, but enjoying it. And so I say shake it off simply to say that holding on to all of it is not serving you in any way, shape, or form. It's not helping you to move forward, to, to remain optimistic and confident and energetic and determined and persistent It's draining all of that from you. And so how is that serving you? How is that helping? How is that leading you toward the goals and the dreams that you have for yourself? How is that making you the best you, you can be? So choose to shake it off and, and continue moving forward. Or choose to shake it off with you, um, learning from it, considering it, seeing if there is real validation of whether or not, you know, you are— you have a reason to beat yourself up, or you have to simply, you know, discard it. And if there is a reason, if there is something that you've contributed to then simply choose to do something about it. So I'll give you a for instance that just actually happened this morning. Um, one of my clients unfortunately wrote an email in such a way that it certainly would, to anyone reading it, provoke confrontation, provoke a conflict. It's not what she intended, but it was going down that route. It was going down that path. And so she kind of started beating herself up, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, let's get on a phone call and let's address this and let's, you know, kind of stop it in its track before it got too far away. And that's what I mean is You know, as opposed to allowing it to beat yourself up to where you're now playing the victim and you're, you know, starting to, you know, just kind of seep down further and further into that junk. Recognize it as soon as you can and move it. Do something about it. Don't allow it to affect you. And that's exactly what she does. And I expect that it was done in such a way that will have a positive impact as opposed to a negative impact. All right, so just consider that for yourself. And then the biggest recommendation, the biggest tip I would have for you in regards to these things that, you know, kind of happened to us that we, we take personally and we allow to affect us is something that Michelle Obama said several years ago: when they go low, you go high. So what I would strongly advocate you not to do is to kind of react and respond and lash out and get defensive, um, and, you know, and stir up the pot as opposed to simply letting it simmer, considering it, either disregarding it because it's from somebody that has no purpose and meaning and value in your world, or doing something about it to get it addressed positively. But don't allow it to, to take you down into that muckety muck and make you a reflection of what it is that you're fighting against. And many of us do it, and I'm guilty of it. You know, many of us kind of just knee-jerk reaction, get defensive about something that is, you know, coming at us, whether that's words or actions or behaviors of someone. Um, and our— the best course of action to make it the most you know, positive outcome is to step away, let it cool down, look at it for what it is logically, black and white, and, and have it addressed or throw it away. So, you know, definitely, definitely don't allow yourself to, to, you know, And it's so easy, especially on social media, especially right now with, with the elections and everything that's going on. And, uh, the re— I'm in Georgia, so you can only imagine, uh, you know, kind of the, uh, the, the chaos that, uh, is going on here and online. And we just have to do everything in our power to, you know, keep ourselves from from falling victim and throwing ourselves into the middle of that, that mud pot, uh, mud patch, because it won't be pretty. It won't be pretty. And that's not who you are. It's not who I am. It's not who I want to be, and I know it's not who you want to be. All right. And then lastly, um, but I've mentioned it throughout this, just really be careful. Be kind to yourself. Be loving to yourself. Don't you be the initial provoker of ridicule and judgment and shame and ugliness towards yourself. It all starts with you and how you treat yourself. How you treat yourself is going to be how you're going to respond to how others are treating you, and it's going to be how others treat you. If you don't think highly of yourself, no one else is going to. Other people can't make you, can't coach you, can't, you know, mold you into something you don't truly believe you are. So be sure that you are spending every moment of every day working on you, honoring you, honoring all of those riches, honoring all those beauty marks and those warts, all those birthmarks, beauty marks, and those, uh, scars. Honor you. And that will help you not take things personally, and it might just get you to the point, um, as it did me, to where you actually laugh at some of the stuff. Because, you know, it's coming from people that don't know you, have no clue about you, and, um, it won't allow you to get into the muckety muck, even from the people that you love. You'll look at it more like, okay, so obviously, you know, there's a disagreement, there's a miscommunication, there's difference of opinion, and, you know, I just need to handle it with them respectfully, maturely, like an adult that I am. Um, and so you'll find yourself to be much happier, much kinder, much more compassionate, much more empathetic, just much more joyful in your life. All right, um, it starts with you is the last thing I'll say. It starts and ends with you, actually. So, um, stop taking things personally. But I know it takes work, and I hope, uh, these suggestions our first step of you being able to, to do that. Okay, now stay tuned, not only for our next episode of Shedding the Bitch next Tuesday at noon Eastern time, but at the same time we will be launching our December Goals to Riches Challenge. And it's all revamped based on your inputs and your feedback and your love and that you provided over the last launch. And, uh, it's going to be exciting and it'll kick off on December 7th. So, um, be sure to keep an eye out for that. Please join our Shift to Riches private group on Facebook. Um, it's a place for you to come enjoy other like-minded professional women just like yourself. You can collaborate, you can share, you can inquire, you can coach each other, mastermind with each other. And, you know, help each other create the riches in life that you deserve. All right, so until next Tuesday at noon Eastern time, I'll look forward to you then. Have a rich and prosperous week, and don't take anything personally. Love you. See you soon.

Bye. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.