Evolving from Ninja Barbie to Joyful Unicorn with Christina Foxwell

To create riches in your work and life, it's time for Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches in life you deserve. So let's welcome your ball of fire host, Bernadette Boas.

Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you on this beautiful, beautiful day? And I'm telling you what, would you like to be a ninja? Or would you like to be a Barbie? Or maybe a unicorn? Because we're going to talk all about all of it. We're going to talk all about it today, um, on our show because we're going to be talking about evolving from a ninja Barbie to a joyful unicorn. Why not, right? So if you're in that state of ninja Barbie, then our guest is going to tell you how you can become a unicorn. How about that? With her own journey that she calls Growing Me. So we'll get into all of that in just a second. Um, before we do, I just want to continue, as always each week, to thank our longtime, uh, sponsor, uh, North Georgia Tax Solutions. Debbie Snelling and her team provide full-service financial and tax services for small to corporate-sized clients and individuals, and she serves anyone um, those businesses around the country, not just North Georgia. She does fabulous work. I've been working with her probably for over 10 years. She and her team are top-notch and will give you the confidence and the security and the privacy and what— whatever it is that you need to get your financial, uh, financial and tax service needs taken care of. So please reach out to her and her team at ngtaxsolutions.com. Tell them I said hi and that I sent you, and I promise you, you won't be disappointed. Now I have to, uh, thank our new and our ongoing viewers and listeners because we broadcast both on Shedding the Bitch TV on YouTube as well as on any one of your podcast streaming services. We also broadcast into our Shedding the Bitch pages on Facebook and Twitter. So you are finding us in droves and you're liking giving us feedback, rating, reviewing, giving us stars, uh, subscribing, which we're going to continue to ask you to do so we can get more viewers just like you, um, into the program. And we can help women all around the world really shed their vices of fear, insecurity, negativity, and doubt so they can create riches in their own lives. And we bring you topics each and every week and experts that really hone in on what you might be dealing with, um, at any point in time. And so I definitely want you— and everyone in the Shedding the Bitch community wants you to continue giving us feedback on the topics and the experts that you want. And you can do that through Facebook or Twitter, as well as at Bernadette Boas at sheddingthebitch.com. Send it to me directly because, um, I'm, I'm wanting to really meet the needs of our viewers and listeners. All right, but thank you so much for your continued support. All right, let's dive into this subject, shall we? Again, it's all around evolving from a Ninja Barbie to a joyful unicorn. Now we're going to be talking about how you could be growing, and growing up could be a real challenge, a real challenge, and sometimes it takes kind of a strong exterior And that seems to be the way that people rise in, in, you know, in their world, maybe in the workplace. And yet it becomes so heavy of a burden to carry, and they actually are starving themselves from joy, love, and purpose. So we want to find connection and simply living fully and being you, being me. This topic is a journey of our guests, of her growing me, and we're going to be talking more about that because that's her book, FYI, just you know, a little hint there, and how you can be unlocking your purpose, potential, and joy. So what we want you to be listening for are a few things. What are ninja Barbie characteristics and how that could be killing you and killing the me, uh, within? All right, then growth is definitely a way to freedom and joy, and you'll hear our guests journey around that, and then how embracing your gifts and learning to shine past your shame and fear so then you become a unicorn. So let me introduce you to our guest, Christina.

Excuse me.

Oh my gosh. Um, Christina is the founder of Ignite Purpose, a human-centered purpose improvement practice based in Sydney, Australia. She has started this practice in 2012. She believed that when we unlock people— potential in people, they will be more purposeful, more effective, and better together. Christina is a coach, facilitator, consultant, author, leader, and most importantly, a human on the search to be better every day to impact her world. She aligns her books and her work to her ethos of the hive culture. I need to know what that is. The hive culture. She is a high-performance Or she believes a high-performance culture is defined by people who are constantly growing who they are, led by leaders who unlock potential, performance, and alignment. In her own journey, she has discovered the way— I'm sorry, she's discovered the change always starts in me. Her passion for people living their best lives filled with joy, purpose, and connection has taken her on a personal journey because you can't give What you don't have. Oh my gosh, how woo is that? Love it, I love it, I love it. Now mind you, I never gave you her last name. Christina Foxwell is with us, everybody. Christina Foxwell.

Hi everybody, how are you? I'm good, thank you. I'm good. It's early morning here and I'm ready to go. I'm, I've makeuped and I'm, I did my meditation and I'm rising.

You know, what time is it in there, in Sydney, Australia?

Uh, let me tell you, it is now 5 o'clock in the morning.

Oh my God, I knew it was morning because I was telling you before we jumped on, my best friend just moved, um, actually back to New Zealand. So I knew it was early morning, didn't know it was that early morning.

That's okay, you know, this is part of the— when we have purpose to live, we become purposeful, and this is part of the journey, right?

I absolutely agree. But I, I'll tell you, for 5 o'clock in the morning, you You are radiant. Can I say that? Oh yeah, absolutely radiant. Because it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon here in Atlanta, Georgia, and I feel like I'm about to go to sleep. Okay, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. So let's dive into this because this is about your journey while at the same time providing tips and advice to our viewers and our listeners. So the first thing I would want to understand is you refer to the Ninja Barbie as your old self and the releasing of your inner unicorn as growth and freedom. Help, help us understand what all of that means.

I think as I, I've— so I'm heading towards 50 and I've had a wonderful journey which I call a gift, right? Yet sometimes with each gift there's these quite impactful moments that are incredibly painful, which we all know. I'm not the only one. We've all been there. We do it. This is human, right?

Yeah.

The challenge is for me, I thought I needed to rise. So I rose like a, uh, uh, my son would say like, like bread, but I, I, I decided I wasn't going to be what everybody else thought I would be. And I was going to be good enough. I was going to prove I was good enough. I was going to prove that I was, um, going to be able to take care of my daughter, be, you know, be okay, be, be somebody, be somebody. I wanted to be somebody. Uh, I forgot I am somebody. Uh, and I think that probably is in essence one of those two key things. I wanted to be versus forgetting that I am. And how sweet is that, right? So, so in, in the, in the strive to be, we learn these tactics and skills to be like others, to be, you know, to be this, um, executive, to, to wear it, to be it, to fight our way to the top, to, to strive, to strive, to strive. And you know what? And I, I've even put this in my book, and it's part of my story. None of that made me happy. Like, shit, man, none of that made me happy. So, so here I am striving, and by the way, I, I was striving for love, so I was wrestling with, with love. So I had a tragic first marriage, and then I married him again. So that second marriage, no judgment out there, just hold your breath because we all got our own stuff. Then I, then I married, um, again, and now I've eventually stumbled across the love of my life, and we've been together and we're married and we're really happy. But I had to go through all that crazy stuff, like, and, and as you go through that stuff, I had to start, start really wearing this armor. I had to become tough. And, and in between, I was a single parent, and I was, you know, I was determined. And I will say to you this: no chasing is ever going to bring you to where you got to be, because where you got to be is right where you are.

So wait, okay, so let's just pause and take that in, and I hope you remember it because I'm going to have you repeat it because that was powerful. Powerful.

Yeah.

Can you—

no chasing is ever going to take you where you want to be or who you want to— where who you want to be. Who you want to be is who you are. Like, the present moment is the best moment you have right now.

Nice. Take that in, people watching, listening, I don't care. Just sit with that for a second because that is huge. Because we are all— well, not all of us, but so many of you are chasing, chasing, chasing, desperate, anxious, going, going, going, going, going. And Christina's like, ah, breathe, breathe, man.

Why am I running? So I used to call myself the mouse on the wheel. Yeah, the hamster. I'm like, I'm running, I'm running, man. And I'm just seeing the same freaking wheel, and it's the wheel again. And I'm like, when's this thing going to stop spinning? And then you fall off the wheel and you think, oh, the wheel's where I know is my identity. So jump back on the wheel and I run and I run and I run. And I tire myself out and I don't— I no longer see those around me, right? I, I, I, I, I, um, I can't— I can't walk down a pathway and just feel the breeze and the sun on my face because I'm walking to do exercise. So I'm walking with such determination to get from point A to point B, um, and it's just interesting that it's— so I think that Ninja Barbie was chasing chasing, chasing, chasing. And the challenge with my Ninja Barbie was I had to be tough on me to become Ninja Barbie, so I gave that away.

You gave away your—

my toughness, my, my hurt, my pain, you know. And it was really fascinating because I didn't think I was like— I thought I was really lovely, and I probably was. I had lovely elements. Right. You know, when I came to Australia, because I'm originally from South Africa, so I came to Australia and I was a sales director there. When I landed here, man, did the Australians teach me how to be— they don't care about who you were, they care about who you are.

Nice, nice, right? Nice. We could use some of that in the States.

But I tell you, uh, and it was interesting because my career back in Africa meant nothing. Because I had to reform who I was, which was wonderful.

Yeah.

And where I was going with the story was my assistant said to me, you know, Christina, we always knew if something was okay or not okay by your footsteps down the passage. And I'm like, oi God. I said, talk to me about that. She goes, well, if it was fast and clicky, we knew there was a problem. 'But if you were pacing yourself, we knew it was okay.' But I'm nice. She said, 'Yeah, we loved you, but we knew that edge, man. We knew that when the shit hit the fan, you know, we needed to fix, sort, you know.' And look, I really had to lay down that thing because that was fear. Yeah, that was fear, and that was judgment. Yeah, and that was the fear of judgment, and that was the fear of failure, and that was the fear of what people would say, what it would mean, what it would look like, what would be perceived as. Are you hearing me? Like, all of this stuff is actually external to what it really is. So imagine if I had, if I had grace. So I like talking about grace as a unicorn trait, right? And I, and I, and I just gently walked down that passage and I went, hey guys, can we have a chat? Because there's a few things that I need us to work through that I just don't think is 100%. Can we go there? Come, let's go grab your coffee, as I do here in Australia. Grab your latte or your whatever you're having. Let's go and have a chat. Let's really work through this, right? Can you talk to me about where you guys feel it's not working? Because I've got some ideas. Let's go there. Versus saying, what the hell's happening here? You know, yeah, we're doing this again. This is rubbish, you know. Yeah, how can we let our customer down?

Yeah. So, so help— before we move on, help us delineate. I mean, it's, it's quite, you know, it might be becoming apparent for the listeners and viewers, but give us a few characteristics of the Ninja Barbie and a few characteristics And you mentioned Grace of the Unicorn.

Okay, good. So Ninja Barbie is numb.

Numb. Ooh, good word.

Ninja Barbie struggles to feel because feelings are too much. And when she does feel, the pain is so bad she has to switch it off. Wow. Okay.

Yep.

So that's your first characteristic. Are you walking around numb? Second thing is you struggle having joy. Like, you have these moments of the endorphin release when you've done something well at work, or you've done something that's defined the Ninja Barbie today, and it's like, oh, that was great! And then it's gone. And then mouse on the wheel, man. Gotta run, gotta run for that next feeling of the hit, right? So it's almost like being a drug addict. And I'm saying this with grace, but It's the addiction to the achievement, the addiction to the achievement, the addiction to the hit, the addiction to the acceptance, the addiction to— and so I keep having to go there because if I stop going there, I've actually got to deal with what I need to.

Mm, oh yes, yep.

Okay, and so I used to say this to my team, and it's really, it's such a judgment statement, but I always thought it was just getting them to rise. You know, I used to say, just pull yourself towards yourself, like, sort out your shit, really. I don't need to deal with this. If I have to rise, you can rise, right? Do you hear what I just said?

Addiction to the chase.

The addiction to the chase. And if I've got to do it, so do you.

Wow.

Okay, so those are some Ninja Barbie characteristics. And by the way, I was always really friendly. So I wasn't nasty, you know, I was friendly. Um, but was I, was I really me? Did I understand grace and compassion? And I do believe I had moments of that. So I want to say Ninja Barbie is not, not imperfect. And I have to say this to you, even though I feel I'm an evolved unicorn, Man, Ninja Barbie, like, she does a leopard crawl toward me sometimes and jumps on me, you know, because, yeah, it's safety, right? It's safety. But is it really? Is it really? Because it's almost like all the scars of your past punch into you when you are in Ninja Barbie mode. And remind you why you're tough.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. And the funny thing is, when you can peel off the Ninja Barbie and you can stand in the unicorn— and that's such a weird term because, but I do love unicorns.

I've written a book about it. Who doesn't?

I love a unicorn. Uh, But it is, we all are one. We all are unique and beautiful and, and we bring what we have. And the unbelievable essence of kindness and deep humanity is actually the center part to all of us.

Yeah.

But we kind of lose that as life evolves. And then Ninja Barbies or Kens or whatever the hell you want to call it happens, right? Because that's what they tell you the corporate success looks like. Have the glass office, right? The corner office.

Yeah.

How many people do I stand on to get there? We do joke about it, but it's true.

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Like, you got to just swallow this truth pill, people, because, you know, I think we do it because we don't want to— we don't want to buy into the stories people have told us. And often what I see, and I coach as well, a lot of the executives, and, and if we're talking women, like, the higher you go, the more shit you've had to deal with in your life which has defined you to go there.

Not an excuse.

It's not an excuse. It is just probably the recipe for armor making. Yeah, of the Ninja Barbie.

The recipe for armor making of the Ninja Barbie. You have some phrases, girl.

Man, this brain is creative. The unicorn is there.

Okay, so everything that you're talking about too has an underlying, underlying theme or a thread in it, which is growth, which can be seen as a very challenging topic for many people. So how do you get somebody to be looking at, you know, even, even hearing or listening to the words, the characteristics of a Ninja Barbie, and maybe resonating, ooh, gosh, oof, I'm feeling this like she's hitting me. She's like pinging on my armor. How do you get them to consider, regardless of, you know, how challenging it is, growth?

Okay, so I've got to come back to Ninja Barbie. So let me start there.

Okay.

She suffocates your joy. Um, she takes away your light. The suit, the suit, it just, it suffocates your joy. Like, you really struggle to feel like peace, joy, restfulness. And the problem is it starts affecting your physical health. So let's be incredibly clear here: adrenal fatigue, um, fatigue, um, you know, angst, all that stuff, it starts happening. And you can pretend it's not happening, we can all, but it's, it's hard to wear. So I think that the— so I've got to start there. So how do we start with growth? You recognize that you're worth more than this, you know, you recognize that your life is worth more than the chase and you really start considering that you got to start with you first because, um, you're worth it. And I think, you know, that's been one of my greatest journeys, is to recognize that I'm worth it.

Pow!

Pow! Pow! I'm worth it.

Yeah.

I'm worth it. And maybe start giving back to me, because just remember, Ninja Barbie is not about the me, it's about the perception of who I am.

Yeah, because people— so what are you saying? People aren't born Ninja Barbie.

Oh shit, no, we're all born as a unicorn, man. Let's be real, right? Um, you know, we're, we're perfect when we're born. We're perfect. We, you know, there's an essence we carry. I look at my grandson, he's a year and a bit old. He is the most beautiful little creature. Um, and I can see characteristics that he's going to carry his whole life. There's an essence in him. Same as there's an essence in all of us. And then we learn how to survive in our world, don't we? Yep. So I'll use an example. I'm bathing him in a bucket in the lounge, just 'cause we wanna watch TV together and hang out, right? And I'm washing him, I'm soaping him down with my daughter, and as I lift him out, he glides out of my hand and he goes underwater and I grab him and I bring him up and he goes, "Ah!" And I go, "Okay, baby, I've got you, it's fine." Lammy's here. And that's kind of that first moment of survival. And I'm going to my daughter, "I'm so sorry." And she's going, "Mom, it's okay. We soaped him up. He was like a slippery soapy bar." But here's the thing. It's the small moments in our life where we're kind of rising to breathe and fighting for that moment of survival that start creating the armor we carry. And by the way, not everybody's, um, ninja Barbie might be as angry and cranky as mine. You know, some might be like a stealth ninja, you know, that doesn't get seen. Um, but I think it gets formed, and it gets formed with the world we live in and we've grown up in, and maybe by some of the things we start telling ourselves. And so, you know, what we tell ourselves becomes who we are. And, you know, I think that's the key thing. What are you telling yourself? Who are you? Maybe that's the best question. Who are you really? Not, you know, I'm a CEO, or I am a VP of Sales, or I am a— who are you? You know, so if I had to share with you who I am, I'm Christina. I'm a mom. I'm a human. I'm, I, I'm all about love. I am creative, um, and I'm good enough. I'm okay. I'm okay to be me.

I love that. I, you know, it's really, um, powerful, but it's really interesting because I do a lot. I obviously do a lot of interviews, and, um, one of my series is, is very impromptu. It's, you know, set a set, set of questions that I, I asked one not to prepare for, but the very first question is, tell us about you, Christina, the, the woman, the person. And it's interesting when a good majority of them go to their title like, you know, well, I'm a business owner, or I'm an executive, or, you know, as opposed to tapping into, like, what you're saying as far as tapping into their unicorn, you know, tapping into them as a person and as a human. I love that, as a human.

But we don't get taught that's what people want to hear, right?

Yeah, right.

People are looking for credentials, right? Right.

Why?

Why? So your cognitive learning, what you have learned at university, so your cognitive learning then becomes who you are? Really? How about the walk becomes who you are? Yeah, like, how about your legacy? Yeah, is who you are. How about inside of you is that inner child going, hey, this is me, I'm Tina, I'm cheeky, I'm funny, I'm naughty. I do get away with a lot, you know. And I, and I have so much love and wonder to give. Can that be my credential? Will that make it okay for me to sit next to you and share my heart? Well, that— or do I have to prove to you 'Who I am in your eyes so that we can be humans together.' I don't know, Ninja Barbies get taught that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true, it's true, it's true, it's true.

And so, you know, if we really want to start living, we've got to change the way we are being. Like, I really have to work on being peaceful being me with new stories.

Yeah.

Okay, so go into that a little bit more. How— what are the steps someone can take, um, specifically to where if all of a sudden they do feel this hankering— that's the only word I can come up with— to shift and change and grow, as you say growth, but you know, what do they do? Like, how, what, you know, do you have a process or steps?

I absolutely do. So that's why I wrote the Grow Me Guide, because I wanted people to understand how to do it. So there are absolutely some steps. So I'm just going to take you through a few key ones because I don't want to make it up as I go. I think the first thing is we've got to learn that growth starts with us. Now, for a lot of us out there, you might not get that hankering for growth, but you might hit a wall. You might recognize you're tired. You might get, like I did, get diagnosed with adrenal failure. You might have a heart challenge. You might recognize that people don't stay in your world. Why? Um, so whatever it is, there's a call. Listen to the lighthouse moment. The lighthouse moment is there to help you recognize it's time. It's time to grow. So I think that's the first thing is to recognize that it starts with you because it's easy to pin everything on everybody else in our life. Um, and the next thing which I really love is what can you control, man? This is like, we all want to control stuff. I want to control my world. I want to, but the key thing is the fight for control that we have as human beings is actually We're trying to control outside of us versus standing within ourselves. And I, I, I can't— I don't kind of want to think I want to control myself, but all I have is me. All I have is me. This, this is me. This is the choices I can make. This is the person I can choose to be. This is the person that can make a difference in the world, not because she wants to be loved and accepted, but because she knows that she's good enough. This is me. And I think that's key. So I think we've really got to start recognizing that it starts inside and what do I really have control over. And then I suppose the key thing is, well, if I realize I can, I can work on me, I've got to start with my mindset. Like I used to tell myself, I will only be good enough when, I will only be successful when, I will only be accepted when. So I had to move towards the when all the time so that I could feel accepted, loved, good enough, belonging. And it has to really shift because I really need to look in my mindset and go, hey, hey, no, no, no, no, let me remind you who you are, Tina. Let me remind you who you are and really challenge my mindset because I love what Eckhart Tolle says, and it's like, you are not your thoughts. And Carol Dweck actually talks about this when she talks about growth mindset. Like, do we have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? Now, I love this. When I present this to ninja Barbies and Kens, I'll do the growth mindset and we'll talk it out and everyone goes, "Ooh, I'm growth." And I'm looking at them going, "Okay, how does that work?" And when we really break it down, we recognize that there's a lot of fear and actually we're really fixed, but maybe we think we're growth because we've powered toward growth. Versus being in growth are like two different things. Like, you're pushing, you pull. Like, if I'm pushing really hard— I used this analogy yesterday with a group I was working with— it was a dung beetle. Now, I don't know if you know what it is in the US, but pushes shit uphill. It's a little beetle with this big ball of poop. And truly, like, really a big ball of poop. And so if I'm pushing really hard to push shit uphill, I'm not at the right place. Like, change the narrative. Like, are you in growth or are you in fixed? And if you realize you're in fixed and you've got opportunities to grow, now it's your choice. I think Edith Eger, um, who's written a book called The Gift and the Choice, she talks about the choice. And in my, in my little journal book that I've created is, can you make this choice? And what's holding you back? Fear.

Shame.

I'm not good enough if I don't do this. Yes, you are, but you've got to recognize what holds you back and the fear that you're rooted in. And then the next one is you're coming back. Do you like the fear piece?

I did.

Recognizing the fear.

I did.

Well, that's the challenge, right? I didn't recognize I was incredibly fearful. So ashamed.

Yeah, well, I think a lot of people kind of are oblivious to what exactly they're— what it is that they're actually feeling. Like, they don't put a, a, a proper title to it, and they— and/or they dismiss it.

When you say that, they dismiss it because it's easy to wear the armor than to recognize what it is that's eating me.

Yeah. All right, keep going.

You're okay.

Okay, okay, okay. So then, then I asked that Shakespearean question: to grow or not to grow? That's the question. And I start really— I think you've got to recognize, are you in a survival state or are you in a flow state? And when I first heard flow state, I was like, oh my God, what a crazy terminology. Um, but I am going to bring it back to Are you— have you, have you had a lot of things in your life that have happened that have made you strive to rise versus be? And, and those are two very different things. Like, if you had— if you— and you think, oh, Christina, so the people that are be, they come from this amazing family, easy life. No, no, no, no, I'm not talking about that. What I'm talking about is, is your survival brain on? Are you fighting to live every single day? Or are you actually living every single day? Those are like, when I'm in the fight, I'm not living. Like, all my energy is going towards staying alive versus realizing I am alive. I am here. It's okay. So really, I think that's the next thing, is to recognize if your survival brain is on, on hyper alert. And, and, and here's the key, the key thing. Um, and I love this. Uh, Shahzad Shamim talks about this. He's a lecturer at Stanford. He says, um, so many of us don't even recognize that our survival brain has been keeping us at this play, at this kind of frequent, you know, we, we, we've, we've got like 75% of our whole functioning is going through there. Uh, and we're not showing up wise, connected, open, generous. And I mean, these are beautiful words, but in reality, those words are based in love, acceptance, goodness, um, light. And so I think, you know, we can switch the light on, but really, that's the, that's the key thing.

Well, let me ask you a question. I, because I call it honor your riches, but how do you get someone, or do you— well, let me ask you two questions. First off, do you find, yeah, that the people that you work with have a difficult time also, um, honoring and acknowledging— and I often call it, um, declare own— like their, their joy, their love, their wonder, their unicorn.

Yes.

And why do you feel, apart from fear, because you mentioned that, but apart from that, why do you think that is?

I think there's so many things that form us. You know, Bernadette, there's so many things people say to us. It's the stories. You're not good enough. Oh, you failed again. 'Oh, that's pretty ugly.' 'Oh, you've got a dark skin.' You know, I'm just talking because I come from an apartheid South Africa where I was classified white, but in the sun I'm a biscuit, you know. Um, so it's the stories people have told me, it's the incidents when things happen, and the stories I've told myself. So it's not— maybe if people don't connect with fear It's the stories I'm telling myself every time. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm, um, I didn't go to university so I'm never going to be able to do that, um, or I'll prove them wrong, you know, um, and it's the stories. And I heard this phrase years ago, you can rewrite your story, and I was like, geez, give me the pen, man. But the thing is, in order to rewrite my story, I need to know what story was told. And so I often tell my clients, can you start a journal, uh, remember who you are journal, and start telling yourself who you are versus who you are not?

Right, love that, because I'm a journaler. Since I was like 8. So I love that.

A journal. Who you are versus who you are not. All the things that people have said to you in your life that have been you are not, and rewrite that into who you are.

Love that.

One statement after the next. And every time that thought comes into you, you go, found you. Found you in there because you— I am not my thoughts and I know who I am, so I'm going to remind you.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm sorry, go ahead.

No, no, no, no, no, no, go for it, go for it.

Um, is that part of— because I know the Grow Moon is a guide— is that part of your guide or is that separate from your guide?

Yeah, that's separate from the guide. We're doing many different guides. I'm busy writing the next one called Free Me. Oh, because Grow Me is all about the choice and why it's important to grow me and recognizing concepts. Free Me is more about the rewriting of, of the story and the different— defining who I— so that's the next part.

Got you.

And the reason, the reason I'm putting them out in these small, easy to read 70-odd page booklets is because there needs to be a place for you to write and reflect. Yeah, we don't get taught to do that. Yes, we get taught to memorize and walk away versus think about it and go, well, what does that mean to me? What am I learning from that? How does that work for me? How could that work for me? See, we don't spend enough time in that space of open thinking. And reflection and deep connection. Yeah, we want to rush, we want to like, and I often see this with my clients, just how do we fix this now? Fix it. I'm not your fixer. That's not my job. Like, you got to fix yourself, man. And even with corporates, when I work with them, my job is not to fix your people. My job is to provide the tools, the insight, and the support. Their choice is to fix them. Your choice as a leader is to guide them towards the journey. Amen. You know, let's, let's be really real. I can write you the best proposal which will say this is what they go in as, this is what they come out as. That's bullshit. This is what they go in as, and if we give them the tools, possibly the endpoint looks like this. Yet the human being chooses to walk through the space because—

and, and, and I think what you're hitting on too, which I love, Christina, is You would— you said at the very beginning, it starts on the inside. Yeah, it starts on the inside. So you could read as many books, take as many trainings, you could do as much certifications and degrees. But if you don't go inside, is that what you're saying?

Totally. You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot give it. So I often see a lot of people go through this space and they'll say, oh, they find me and go, I'm starting to be a coach. And I'll be, that's wonderful. It's really good, and I've done all these certifications, and I'll go, that's wonderful, but who are you? Are you working on you? Are you working on you? Are you working on you? Is it an education piece or is it a transformation piece? And it has to be a transformation piece. Yes.

Yes.

And that takes time, and it takes effort every single day, and it doesn't have to be the dung beetle with the shit uphill. Effort. Okay, it doesn't. It might be you might need somebody to work it through with you. Yeah, so I like— I'll share this with you. Years ago, my son was bullied at school and we moved to Australia, so he really struggled when we got here because my parents helped me raise him. Um, so he suffered from PTSD in his own way, and, uh, We were sitting at the counselor as a family, and she said to me— I of course ran in there ninja Barbie style, right? Suitcases, I'm about to fly off, go on to some trip, like, let's get this thing done, let's go. And she said to me, do you think you could stop working as hard as you do? And I was like, what do you mean, lady? I was like, I am his provider. And she said, but you've got this beautiful husband. And I, and I had one of those moments And afterwards she phoned me and she said, you know, you need some support to work through where you've been at because you've had trauma. And I was like, no, I had like, no, no, I know, I, I'm, I, I have done Brené Brown's work, like I know what I'm doing here, like I've educated myself. No, the change did need to start in me. The change needed to start in me. And I tell you, it has been the best and the scariest thing I've ever done, to take the ninja Barbie suit off and to release my inner unicorn. Because I thought, people don't want to see this unicorn, man. She's a little bit crazy, but actually she's beautiful and she's got love and she's imperfect, and that's okay too.

You're drumming up so many things along your journey of my own journey and my own experience. And I understand now why you're so passionate to help other people, because you felt it. You've, you know, you have found it and you're just like, I just want you to feel it and find it too.

Please, please. Because to free yourself, you are the, you are the only person who can. And I want to use this analogy quickly because I know we're probably heading towards the end of our session.

That's okay, go for it.

I have this visualization of me in a cage, and it's a beautiful gilded cage. It's one that was created for me by my parents, by my culture, by my experiences. But the bars, I used to always say this, Christina's trapped inside, like I'm my— the essence of me is trapped in this beautiful gilded cage. The challenge is only I can unscrew the bars of the cage and push them down. No one can do that for me. Somebody can give me the tools and someone can stand outside and go, you're worthy of love, you're worthy, you're good enough. And I can hear them, but only I can take that defined action to go Okay, I'm gonna undo this bar. I'm gonna undo this bar. And as the bars start falling, I start breathing. I start being. Okay, can you imagine? The problem is— please excuse me— the little bars— I'm gonna— I'm not gonna swear because I can swear— the little bar jumps up every now and again, because when something happens, it's there to keep me safe. So cages me back in, and then I've got to just remind myself to unscrew the bar again. Yeah, because the peace and the presence to breathe, to be, to be the best of me, to be the cheeky, beautiful, kind, generous, compassionate woman allows me to see others and to impact their lives with the gift I have.

I know we're doing radio and you don't want a lot of silence on radio, but boy, you just have to sit with that. Yeah, you just have to sit with that, everybody. Just sit with it and replay it if you would.

Go back.

Hit rewind, replay. Fabulous. Just absolutely, absolutely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Christina.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

Now everyone, we can be— we can continue talking, talking, talking, and I most likely will have her back. Yes, we'll have her back. But please, please go to her website, ignitepurpose.com.au. And use the discount code Shedding the Bitch, which I love when my guests do this. Special gift to my listeners and viewers. And pick up her book, all right? And pick up her book, uh, her book Grow Me Guide. Please do, because you will not regret it. And like she said, each one of you deserve to invest some time in self-reflection, self-discovery as I'll call it, um, to really understand who you are and the fact that you are a beautiful unicorn.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are. We all are.

Yes, yes, I absolutely like— I love that. So ignitpurpose.com.au, use the code sheddingthebitch and get her a copy of her Grow Me Guide. Oh, Christina, I am so grateful that you are here. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. It's been fabulous.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me to just shine some light.

Ah, any— yes, anytime. I'll even say that anytime. So back in with me when you have your next guide, and we'll certainly continue this conversation.

Thank you so much, and you keep well in the US.

Yes, will do. And for everyone else, um, please continue to go out to our Shedding the Bitch TV channel on YouTube, our out onto any one of the podcasting streaming services to pick up your podcast of this episode, as well as the hundreds of other episodes that we've had here at Shedding the Bitch. And excuse me. And, um, in the meantime, also check back in next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV. Take care, everybody. Bye.

Thank you for taking part in Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV with Bernadette Boas. We would love to know what your biggest takeaway was. Go to Shedding the Bitch on Facebook or YouTube and leave a comment. You can also subscribe to the show on Apple Podcast and YouTube so you don't miss a single episode of the show. And with your input, we can help other powerhouse women just like you find the show and decide if it's right for them. Learn more about Bernadette at balloffirecoaching.com.