Fake It Till You Make It - A Good Strategy for Overcoming

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com. Shedding the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day. Hey everyone, how are you on this wonderful Tuesday in June? It is June 25th.

Hahaha!

You have one week left to wrap up the first half of the year, everybody. Get on it! That's all I can say. I all of a sudden, um, on Friday realizing it was solstice, and, uh, you know, so it's the, it's the first day of summer and the longest day of the year, which I might have mentioned even last, last week's show. Um, kind of, I mean, you saying depresses me, it sounds very, uh, sad and pathetic, but it does kind of raise an aww, you know, it's going to start getting dark. I don't want it to get dark. Uh, however, at the same time, with the heat that is currently going on in Atlanta, I'm kind of wishing it right now. But I hope you're having a beautiful day wherever you might be. We have an interesting topic today. Great debate occurs around this subject. Great debate. And if any of you have any differing opinions or complementary opinions, certainly jump in. But we're going to be talking about faking it till you make it, and I'll express later as to why all of a sudden this subject became very relevant for me and why I thought it would be a good conversation for us today. But before we get there, we've had some great episodes recently. We've talked about mistakes, how you love them and hate them, but how important they are to all of our lives. We've talked about how words matter. The words that you use, not only to other people but to yourself even more importantly, are critical, and I even gave you a challenge. Around paying attention and focusing and writing down and putting on a piece of paper the words that you're using, the words that you choose to use, the words that you're unconsciously using, you know, to speak to yourself, to build yourself up, or maybe you're knocking yourself down, and then those that you're using with other people. And so you can go back to our last 2 episodes, actually probably 3 at this point, in regards to what that challenge is and the opportunities you have to win a copy of my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. So go back to our Words Matter episode. You can go back to our original discussion on it, which was at our Ask Me Anything episode, which is the first Tuesday of every month. So that's coming up, that'll be next week, where the first Tuesday of every month I take your questions, stories, and challenges that you might bring to me, whether it's on Facebook or Twitter or Shedding the Bitch pages. You might send them to me at sheddingthebitch.com. You might send them through LinkedIn. It's predominantly where I get a lot of my questions and conversations and requests for, you know, consultations and those type of things is through my LinkedIn profile. And you can always do that. Direct message me on LinkedIn, but at the same time you could also send them to BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com. I answer you immediately regardless of how you get to me, and at the same time, like you'll hear today, you know, some of the discussions are actually, you know, out and about, and people just happen to bring up an issue that they're having, so I ask permission to to provide them some tips and strategies that they can use. Well, while many of them know that I'm a coach, so they'll, you know, prod me for some advice and for some tips, and that's perfectly fine with me. But our Ask Me Anything episode next Tuesday, noon Eastern time. But you can also go to our first week of June's episode to learn more about the Words Matter discussion and challenge. We've had unsupported bosses, we've talked faith, gratitude, and peace, and we've also talked about how aging sucks but what freedom it brings you. So we have a long list of many, many, many, many weeks of episodes on sheddingthebitch.com, blogtalkradio.com. You can go to iTunes and you can go to Apple Podcasts and download and take with you any of— any and all of our episodes of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Let's see, any rich news other than the solstice, which brings— which brought up the heat in conversation. So today we're talking about faking it until you make it, and like I mentioned, a lot of pros that people have toward this strategy. A lot of cons people have towards this strategy. But I'll be honest with you, let's take the heat for instance. I was just mentioning to Deborah that, um, I just recently lost the AC to my house/studio, and I have 3 dogs currently, uh, with me. And my AC guy— I could call any number of, uh, heating and air people, but the only one that I trust and that I've worked with for many years. Sadly, and I want to ask all of you for your prayers, sadly his sister has had a tragic car accident. So if you have an option, I don't know her name, but if you have an opportunity to just say a brief prayer for healing for her and the family, that would be greatly appreciated. Uh, but he's not going to be available, and I'm not sure for how long. It could be a day, could be several days. And at some point, because we will be getting into the June or even July Atlanta heat and humidity, I will— may have to call somebody else. But in the meantime, I'm going to wait for him. Uh, and so I was, I was kind of thinking about that, and I'm like, yes, I'm sitting here, yes, I have a fan on me. Actually, there's the ceiling fan and then this additional fan. But there comes a time when you have to fake that you're upbeat, you're happy, you're cool, you got all the air conditioning in the world because like right now with all of you, I, you know, I want to be bringing you a very high-energy productive conversation and yet I'm a little warm.— and I have a little misty, you know, sweat building up because we have closed the doors and kept the outside noise, and I'm just praying that the 3 dogs stay calm, cool, and collected. So there are times where you have to fake it in order to make it. And so I will kind of walk you through a variety of scenarios in regards to when this strategy is a very proven one. At the same time, we'll also talk about why people don't agree with a fake it 'til you make it strategy, just so you have a full picture. Then I'll share with you some tips and strategies as to not only what I do personally, but I— what I recommend to my clients and friends and other folks, and what has proven to work for many people. So that will be our conversation for today. So your rich question which for those of you listening for the first time, I pose a rich question for you around the subject we're talking about so you can kind of get your head around the discussion and kind of get yourself in a position where you're going to be able to take it in and leverage it because some of us might blow off a discussion. Oh, fake it till you make it. I don't even know what that means, let alone I'm not in a position where I need to use this this content as much as I enjoyed listening to Bernadette, I might listen to it but not really pay attention to it. I want you to pay attention. I want you to be taking nuggets, as small as they might be, as big as they might be, with you so you can find ways to improve on, on your productivity, your effectiveness, just your overall happiness in life. So your rich question around this subject of faking it until you make it. Is what do you currently do to get yourself unstuck, maybe overcome stress or depression, or just, you know, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed? What do you currently do and does it work for you? So what is it that you do? And really think about whether or not whatever it is that you're doing currently works for you, because if by chance you say no in any vein possible, then you might pick up something today that you could use. If you say yes, it works for me, great, continue doing whatever you're doing that's working. And yet again, there could be something here that you can add to your toolkit in order to really get through those, those times when you're stuck or depressed or frustrated or stressed or anxious or pained or just feeling insecure for whatever the case might be, what we're talking about might just help you get over that. Now we'd love, love, love— and Deborah Parker House Virtual Services is out there, Facebook, Twitter, she's manning the production board for today— you know, we will always want to hear from you. So you can always use our rich tags, which will be #fakeittillyoumakeit And then hashtag, as always, would be #ShedTheBitch. So fake it 'til you make it and #ShedTheBitch. All right, we're going to take a brief break. I'm going to grab some water because, like I said, it's a little warm in my studio right now. And when we get back, I'm going to walk you through some scenarios of how and when you could use this, and then we'll get into the pros and cons of this strategy. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, we are talking faking it until you make it. Now I do have to— obviously a friend of mine is listening to the program, so she, she just texted me, she's like, oh my gosh, what, you know, what's your renter doing as a result of not having any AC? Now, just real quickly, um, I actually reside in my guest house and I rent out my main house. Um, you know, I rent out my main house furnished. Anyway, so the AC unit only in my guest house broke. And yes, I did pay my bill because they're like, what did you— are you sure? Did you pay your bill? Yes, I paid my bill. Um, the, the— fortunately there's two units, one for the guest house, one for the main house. So she doesn't even know of my situation that I have going on. So yes, Karen, all is fine and well. And but that was pretty funny. I got a nice chuckle out of that. All right, faking it until you make it. If you're not aware of this type, this strategy, and I'm sure you are, I've used this strategy strategy. It's been a strategy of mine probably since I was— maybe even in college, maybe right out of college because I was in corporate already, working in corporate while I was in college. And I learned of this strategy. Actually, it was something my father even, you know, told us kids, as I refer to my brothers and sisters, just that, you know, we can do anything that we want, you know, we want to do. And just because we don't have the skills at the very moment we might want them or require them for whatever it is that we're trying to do doesn't mean that we shouldn't continue forging forward and even acting as if we have those skills. And because eventually you'll learn those skills or you'll be given the opportunity to be trained on those skills, whatever the case might be. But I didn't formulate it into faking it until you make it until I was probably in my first corporate role, and I actually had two pieces of felt. I don't know what it was, maybe a pillow or a blanket of somebody's that I came across, and I had two different sayings on, and they were in yellow. And one was, "You have to spend money to make money." And so I would— I put that, pinned it to the wall behind my chair of my desk. And then the other one was fake it till you make it. So there's a lot of reasons which we'll talk about as to why it's a very effective— an effective strategy. But there are a lot of people, especially nowadays. Now think, you know, when I was in college or my first corporate job, that was 30 years ago. And fast forward 30 years and you're getting more into people's belief of being authentic and being your real self and that kind of thing, and I do not dismiss that in any way, shape, or form, that you certainly want to present the true you, the real you to the world. And at the same time, people don't appreciate the strategy, and there's coaches out there and speakers and experts out there that will also share why it doesn't work. But one of the reasons is because people misinterpret it to be that you can lie or fudge or make up things. And, you know, and that's what, you know, what people are espousing when they say fake it till you make it. And that's certainly nothing I advocate. So even think about the college scandal, you know, the college payoff scandal where, you know, parents paid teachers to fake scores on tests and to fake their, you know, Photoshop their face on a rowing athlete's body so they can pretend that they are an athlete in order to get into school. You know, you name it. We're not talking about that at all, and therefore I agree with those experts and authors and coaches who say fake it till you make it is not a good strategy because people are lying and they're defrauding and that kind of thing. That's not what my fake it till you make it strategy is all about. So, you know, and you can look up online for a number of the negatives and the cons about fake it 'til you make it. I don't want to spend a lot of time there because it is something that I have found to be a very effective strategy that works for many people including myself. So moving on to why, you know, why this is a useful strategy. Let me give you several scenarios and even though I was, you know, somewhat laughing and kidding and joking about the AC issue that I'm having, therefore sitting in this room right now, having this conversation with you while I'm quite warm. I do have a nice fan blowing on me, but therefore it drains, it's dehydrating me, and yet I want to be up and I want to have high energy and I want to ensure that I'm focused on you and not on the fact that I really need my AC guy to come out here sometime today or tomorrow at the latest. So I have to kind of fake it. I have to kind of, you know, build myself up even though I really feel like I'm draining down. And to a degree, that's faking it until I make it, and that being until I get done this, you know, program and I can open up a door or go into my car and sit in my car with air conditioning type of thing. I'm joking.— but you get my point. But there are other real scenarios that all of you deal with, and it just so happened that in the past— actually, I can name these— the 3 scenarios I'm going to give you right now happened since Friday at a pickleball match, which I'll discuss in a minute. These 3 all have happened in the last several days, and then there was a couple of other scenarios that I really didn't think about until, um, until recently. And those happened maybe, I don't know, within the last month. But let me give you these scenarios that have happened just recently. So two happened on Friday. One was, uh, a friend at pickleball Friday night. Uh, we were just hanging out. I overheard, uh, another friend of mine say to this woman, you know, fake it till you make it, just continue pushing pushing yourself through. And she used the actual words, fake it till you make it. And, you know, just push through whatever you need to do, put a smile on your face, you know, sit down and really listen to your parent, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, I felt bad and not wanting to intrude, I just kind of simply commented that I overheard their conversation and is there anything, you know, that I can also help with. And so our, you know, our friend pretty much didn't break down in any way, shape, or form, but just kind of expressed the fact that the reason why she, you know, did look haggard and run down and she wasn't on top of her game like she usually is was because that she was dealing with some strain with her parents. And at the same time, you know, she was out of work and she was looking for work and nothing was, you know, working for her and happening. And she just really, you know, kind of was hitting her head up against the wall. And for those of you that might be 55, let's say even 50-plus, 55-plus, when it comes to looking for a job, as much as, you know, I'll be the first to tell you it's untrue that you can't find it. It's untrue that you can't find a job. You know, you feel it. You feel as if age is all of a sudden becoming an issue. So she was dealing with all this. All of this and, and just struggling. And our other friend was trying to tell her, put a smile on your face, you know, kind of stand up tall, you know, put a good posture on, uh, and just, you know, look, look life and people in the eye and just fake it until you, you push through and overcome this heaviness that she was feeling. Um, on the same day earlier, a coaching client She was telling me that she was getting some feedback that she really needs to— if she wants to move up the ladder, she really needs to be posturing and positioning herself as if she has that role already. And I was like, that's awesome, that's great, you know, kudos. And she's like, yes, but I feel like I can't go into rooms and go into industry groups and go into meetings and acting in a C-level position that I'm not in already? And I said, absolutely you can. Uh, you know, no one's telling you to hand out cards that read you're in that position already. You know, they, they're just stressing to you that you can fake it until you make it, uh, in order to position yourself and, and influence other people that you are ready and able to move up, you know, continue moving up the ladder. So that was another scenario, someone struggling with feeling as if faking it until you make it is being a fraud, and we'll talk about that more in a minute. And then the last one came up because this is a long-term mentoree of mine, not a client, but someone that I've been mentoring, and it turned out that we just realized that it's been, gosh, almost 18 years, and stressing, you know, stressing to me that his recent job is letting him go. He's unsure what he wants to do next, yet he needs to find work, you know, to pay the bills and take care of the family and all that kind of good stuff. But at the same time, he's frustrated because if he goes and finds another job, as great as that is, he won't have the time to really sit down and focus on what it is that he wants. Now I challenge that because I'm like, why can't you do that like on the weekends or at night? And he just, you know, very logically expressed that that's not his mode of operation. You know, he really, if he's going to think about what he's going to do for his next chapter, and again, those of us 45, 50, or older, you do start feeling like that, you know, what am I going to do for the rest of my life? What am I going to do, you know, for my second chapter or the second act? And you do start really wanting to find your passion and find your core reason for being. And he said, "And I just can't do that part-time. I need to do that, you know, I need to really do that full-time." and give myself that breathing room. Again, I'm not somebody to judge. I'm just somebody that I can ask a lot of questions and make sure that what it is that they believe and feel and say are their truths. But all three of these individuals have an opportunity to work through what it is that they're feeling challenged with and in this case of our conversation today, fake it until they make it. Now, some people— and you'll see quotes. If you were to go out there and you're going to see them as Deborah posts our Facebook and Twitter conversations and images and quotes from other people, and then I start peppering in feedback from today's discussion, you're going to say— see a lot of images that kind of quote people as fake it till you make it. There's others that say fake it until you become it, and I actually like that as well. I like that take on it because there is a place for you and for anyone, just as I talk about, and one of the, you know, basic tips or strategies I would give you is, and I talk about it often, is when you wake up in the morning and you feel as if you didn't have a good night's sleep and you were just, you know, you woke up on the wrong side of bed, and the first thing that I suggest to people when they tell me that is, well, don't move. Like, keep yourself where you are and do whatever it takes to shift you out of that mindset. You know, if you're feeling kind of groggy and you didn't get a good night's sleep, or you woke up on the side of the bed and you're agitated, then tell— you know, then shift to where you're not agitated, where you, you put a smile on your face, where you tell yourself that you feel great and you're energized, just like I am doing right now. Um, as I mentioned, until you, you know, your body and your mind catches up with that, uh, where your true belief catches up with what what it is that you're so-called faking it. So you can become what it is that you want by pretending or faking, you know, what— where you want to get to. And that might last 5 minutes, or it could last a year. And we'll talk about, you know, some of that in a second as well. And so there are opportunities and situations people get in where they can be doing it. And What I suggest is one of the first basic, basic is do that assessment of your body from, you know, head to toe, toe to head, and do what you need to do even if it's artificial, artificially shifting yourself to get yourself out of what is going to hold you down or depress you or agitate you to get yourself to a place. And that can be as simple as smiling. You know, you smile at the world, the world's going to smile back at you. Looking people in the eye or looking situations in the eye. Okay, I'm not in a good mood when I look in the mirror, you know, look squarely in the eye and kind of work your way to shifting that. You're not going to droop your eyes because when people get depressed, agitated, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, they tend to not look directly at what it is that they're needing to confront or come face to face with or do. They tend to— their eyes start to wander and never look squarely forward because of the fact that they're just not feeling confident, they're not feeling secure, they're not feeling happy, determined. And if you want to start feeling that, those things, then force yourself, fake it, whatever you have to do, and look things square squaredly forward and you will find yourself and your internal, so to speak, shifting yourself. One thing I love to do when I absolutely need to make any kind of shift is to put music on, lively music, music you can sing to, music you can both sing and dance to, maybe it's just music you can dance to. While you're putting on your makeup, getting a shower, eating your breakfast, driving in the car, going between meetings, that kind of thing. You can always, you know, find music that will lift you up. One thing I've mentioned in the past, and these are first before we get into those scenarios that I painted, I'm giving you very simple basic things first. And then I'll give you a breakdown of what I coached and discussed with my friends and clients to get themselves out of these 3 scenarios I painted for you. So I've mentioned this before that, you know, many of us aren't very secure when it comes to presenting or selling themselves. So you might be selling yourself on a new job, selling a product or service for your company, or even having a network and sell your own business and your own products and services. And a lot of people, most of us, don't like to sell. And I have found myself in those places because they don't want rejection. They don't want to be told no. They don't want to be told their baby, you know, baby's ugly, so forth and so on. So what I tend to do is I find quote or scripture, whatever the case might be, that affirms my confidence, affirms my self-esteem, affirms my worth, my value, my ability to contribute and to serve others, that puts me in a winning mindset, a winning spirit, mentally, physically, you know, emotionally. So one of my favorites that I tend to use is— and should you believe in God, you can take it and use it yourself— but my favorite is, "If God is for me, who could be against me?" If God is for me, who could be against me? So that basically means that, you know, the only person that I really, you know, care about rejecting me is God, and he never would. So what anybody else says thinks or does or accepts, well, yeah, I'll be okay with that. So find that, you know, that quote, that motivational statement, that scripture, whatever the case might be, that prayer that you can also use that when you're in a place where you need to shift your state of being, that you can— that will uplift you and give you confidence and positivity and mojo, so to speak, will also work with you. One easy basic thing to do to get yourself out of a state of being is you can always compliment other people. Even compliment yourself. When you're feeling like crap and you look in the mirror and then all of a sudden you realize, "Ooh, look how pretty my eyes look or my smile," or, "Look, I've lost a couple of pounds," or maybe you haven't lost a couple of pounds but you say, "I feel good anyway." but at the same time complimenting and serving other people, doing something for somebody else. Drive through a McDonald's when you're frustrated and groggy, you're getting yourself a cup of coffee, buy the cup of coffee for the person behind you in the, you know, in the car behind you. You can't help but feel good about yourself and put a smile on your face, you know, and therefore that's serving others, not necessarily faking it, but doing it might not have felt really genuine, but then you— when you kind of think about it and say, "Oh, I did want to do it, but then I kind of forced myself to do it because I wasn't quite sure," you're eventually going to go, "Yes, I wanted to do that." So again, a degree of faking it until you make it. Now, I've mentioned to you over the— especially since the beginning of the year that I take an improv class. Now, And there is one gentleman there, and I won't use his name just in case anybody is listening, but when I tell you the scenario of his innate or built-in, I guess I will call it, way of creating a shift, at least for other people, is he has this power pose. He doesn't even— he didn't know it until a lot of us pointed it out to him because we used it in one of our showcases. But he naturally, if he's standing in a circle, which we do a great deal in an improv class, anytime he's standing in a circle, not that he doesn't know what to do with his hands, what he chooses to do is he puts them on his waist and he stands very straight up with his, you know, both hands on his waist. Do it right now if you're listening to this and in a position, not driving or anything like that, to do this. And he just kind of stands up straight, puts his hands on his, and he just stands there like a, you know, that great power pose of confidence, of certainty, and he comes across like that. And I just kind of looked at him feeling really crappy one day when I got to improv, and I've mentioned over the last several weeks, you know, this improv class is kicking my butt and it's bringing up some insecurities and doubts about whether or not, you know, I can do this. And yet I'll look at this gentleman and I immediately get shifted. And even though I'm— that shift may not be 100% complete, I will fake it that this power pose is, you know, putting on a confident, secure, I can do this mojo and self-esteem that eventually Throughout the class, I will have shifted myself into a better state of being. So I thanked him in the past, though he probably had no clue as to what I was thanking him for. And it made for a great, great game, one of our games. We all, in our introductions, used his power pose. And then of course there's faking your confidence and your self-esteem. Being, you know, going out feeling more secure. And we're going to talk about that actually a bit more in our breakdown of these scenarios that I gave you earlier. So those are very basic, simple things that you could be doing in order to shift yourself from one state of being, especially if it's not working for you, to a different And then when we get back from commercial, I'm going to break down each one of these scenarios, let you know what I suggested to them to do. And then there's one or two cases where, yes, the only one that really didn't, didn't, we won't see the output from that for several months actually. But I'll share with you what was suggested, what was coached. And what they offered to do for themselves in this fake it till you make it so they can get them to where they want to go. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity. So they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com solutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. Today's conversation is about Faking it until you make it. There's just times, whether small or short to big and long duration, where we come across a state of being that we don't want to be in and a place that we want to go but we don't think we can get there. We're not skilled enough, we're not good enough, we're not experienced enough, we're not happy enough, whatever the case might be. And many of us will just kind of live in that state of being because that's what they know at that point in time, and it's easier to be there than to take on and do different things. But you have to do something different. You have to get creative when it comes to want— you wanting to get somewhere that is either riskier, bigger, scarier. You don't feel that you're capable enough, let alone worthy enough, or— I said capable. Let's just say worthy enough. So baking it until you make it means that you can utilize— I'm losing— I just lost my train of thought— but utilizing various tips and techniques and strategies for faking it until you make it, until you push yourself through that state of being that you are that you don't want to be in and you're trying to get yourself somewhere else. Or it can come down to literally, you know, you're looking for a promotion and yet you don't have the skills, you don't have the experience, you don't have the background for something, but as opposed to saying no to it, which I would never suggest to any of my clients or friends or anyone, there are things that you could be doing in the fake it till you make it world to be able to say yes to that and do what you need to do to learn it as you go. All right, so I'm going to go through this, uh, 3 scenarios, and we're going to actually work backwards through these 3 scenarios and tell you what I had suggested to them. As I had mentioned at the top of the hour, since I was in my early 20s, I used this strategy. I did— I always believed that as much as I may not have skills or experience or expertise in something, that doesn't mean that I can't learn along the way. So for those women out there, and like 98% of our listening community are women, it is well known that women will turn down a job and/or not pursue a job or a promotion until they feel that they're close to 100% ready and capable of doing that job. Whereas men, it's anywhere from like 40 to 60%. I tend to be down at the 40 to 60% men, and therefore that's why the Fake It Till You Make It strategy has always kind of been something I've leaned on and relied on because I do believe that if you talk to anybody at entry level or even anybody at CEO level, or many people at, you know, CEO, C-level, VP level, they will share with you, if they're honest about it, that there were times in their progression that they had felt like a fraud, that they had felt that they weren't capable or ready or skilled enough to take on a a job or a promotion or a change of company, whatever the case might be. So this isn't something that, um, that you, you should feel as if you're on an island by yourself, because they'll also then share with you that they just kind of swallowed that fear and just said, you know what, I might not know it today, but I'm— but I can learn it along the way. Because guess what? We're never ready for the next stage in our life, whether it be job, relationship, community. We're never ready for that. We can't— we can't anticipate 100% of what that next move or change is going to be, 100%. We can just, you know, think about it, understand what that gap could be, and then in a lot of cases work to overcome it or work into it. All right. So going to the 3 scenarios that we had that we talked about, like I said, I'm going to work backwards. So one of them is the fact that the colleague/mentoree unsure what to do next. So basically the scenario was He was being let go of the current company that he worked for, for about a year, close to a year, year and a half. Uh, unsure what he wants to truly do next because he's at an age, uh, you know, midlife, that, um, you know, he really wants to now get somewhere and do something that he really, really truly wants to do versus what he's really good at but yet isn't bringing him the joy and the passion that he's looking for. Yet, and there's a yet, he needs to find work, you know, so he can feed, you know, feed and take care of his family and friends. Well, I kind of pushed him a bit on the idea and the fact that, you know, do you really know your numbers? Do you really know what you guys can and cannot afford to do? Because if you, you know, there may be sacrifices and compromises you would need to make should you choose to say, okay, well, I really do need to be working and earning income, you know, to feed the family. But I joked with him. I said, so, but maybe you don't necessarily need to, and you don't go out to dinner, you know, as often as you need to. All that really doesn't matter to this conversation, so I'll move on from it. But the point being that sometimes you have to push yourself to think through all the different scenarios. So he was willing to do that. And he said, "Yes, but my biggest concern is I may not have the skills to do what I want to truly be doing." And I said, "Okay, so find what it is that you want to be doing." take an inventory of where the gap is. So if you truly want to be doing something that, you know, maybe you're 40%, 50%, 60% ready and have the skills, but there's that gap, then there's no reason to say that you can't take that job and work into that job based on all the other experience and expertise that you have and then learn along the way. That's one option. The second option, which he was leaning more toward, is if you choose, because you looked at those numbers and looked at where, you know, your income and your budget is with your family, you choose to take time off to really figure out what it is you want to be doing. Well, you could be learning those new skills, finding out what does give you joy and passion, and then before you go looking for the job around it, you go and take classes or you go and, you know, intern or mentor with someone. You'd be amazed, especially I found— I've realized this in the film industry since I've been working on my screenplay. There are more interns in their 40s, 50s, not quite 60s, but in their 40s and 50s interning to learn the skills that they really want to be honing in order to go to that next that next role that they feel that they're not 100% ready for now. And there's nothing wrong with that. So that was one of the things. And/or I said to him, as opposed to faulting yourself for not having those skills, convince them based on the expertise and the experience we talked about, Then along with that, maybe external training that you're taking and you're doing, you then just kind of fake it until you make it. Fake that you know how to use the special tools or applications or new technologies that many people may or may not know how to use and how to operate. But then you kind of pull somebody aside when you find that find that job and you kind of ask them to help you out. My one client up in New York, I've had her doing this quite often over the last like year, year and a half, is take that promotion that you feel you're not ready for and you don't 100% skilled for, yet at the same time you're adopting people to help you learn the different tools and applications and software that they're using. Again, faking it that, you know, you're capable of doing something until you actually have, you know, skilled yourself and taught yourself how to do it. You don't want to say no to something because you're not at 100%, or you're, you know, you're only at 90% or 80% or even 40% or 60%. That gap, regardless of how small or big it is, can be stalled, I'll call it, can be faked, can be, you know, supported by other people, can be supported by your teaching yourself and learning and getting yourself educated as you go. We are not 100% ready for every job or every task or every hobby or sport we take on. There's a degree of faking it and of learning as we go. If we were all ready for the next chapter, for the next thing, then there would be no— there would be no reasons and there would be tons of, you know, clogged pipelines of skilled people ready to take on those promotions and those openings and those jobs. That are available out there. So don't cut your nose off too soon, to spite your face. Fake it until you actually need to make it. Now my other client who is in the eyes of management up and available for promotion but is being told not necessarily acting, you know, in that vein, acting in that next, you know, position, next seat, and she's worried that if she were to, you know, fake it, so to speak, if she were to pretend that she's that C-level executive, that it's actually— she feels like a fraud doing it. She's probably the best example of faking it until you make it because it's not as if someone's telling her that she should go into board meetings or into business meetings or networking events or industry groups saying that she's that C-level position. Yet at the same time, there's nothing to say that she can't dress in the position that she's up for, and that's whether that's one position up, one rung on the ladder, or that's five positions up. There's nothing to say that she can't be positioning herself and presenting herself in that vein. And this definitely goes to anyone multiple rungs away from where they want to go. My dad always taught us this, you know, you can always dress up and get in anywhere, and you know, that you want to go, but you dress down and doors will be shut on you. So if you are looking to, you know, advance and climb the corporate ladder of business or community, then positioning yourself and presenting yourself physically and emotionally, mentally, skill-wise, faking it until you make it, dressing up and posturing yourself in a way that is of executive and importance and influence and power. That's probably one of the simplest techniques of faking it until you make it, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Another way of leveraging the strategy is to mirror the person that you want to be. Mirror the level of influence or power that you want to be. If you're, you know, entry-level or middle manager and you want to be a C-level executive, well, find the person that you— that you respect and you admire and mirror that individual. How do they act? How do they position themselves in a boardroom at the table, so to speak? How do they engage with other people? How do they socialize? How do they have lunch? What do they do when they, you know, are, you know, even at the airport or in the Delta lounge? Well, I don't, you know, I'm not, I don't have a Delta lounge membership. Well, get one. That type of thing. So there's a lot of things in mirroring And that, you know, simply means almost copying, faking, um, uh, you know, yourself to be that, that type of person. Uh, again, we're not doing anything fraudulent or lying or doing any of that. Uh, but now I will tell you, part of my fake it till you make it strategy is I always came up with titles, business titles. So if I was You know, I don't— if I was a director of business consulting or if I was even just a senior manager of business consulting, I would change it to director. Now, one of the companies I worked for didn't have director-level positions. It was the senior manager position, but I thought director sounded more influential. So I just basically asked, you know, just told my boss that that's what I was doing and present how I was presenting myself and even putting it on business cards. And doing it. Um, again, it's not lying. You don't want to lie it. You don't want to, you know, defraud anyone. At the same time, you're mirroring, or you're positioning yourself and presenting yourself in a way of wherever it is that you're, you know, looking to go. Um, let's see. I also had told this a particular individual, assess the actions, behavior, decisions, and thought leadership of the other person. You know, if you're not strategic, if you're not visionary, if you're not one to, you know, really be creative and outside the box, but yet that's how you're always seeing your manager or a community leader, you know, or an author or a public speaker or a musician. Or an actress and you're, you know, looking at what the difference is between someone who's just kind of surviving in a role or a position or a level or an activity to where those that are thriving in it, then assess the difference between those two, where the gap is, and then kind of, you know, fake or pretend that you're, you know, working in that space space, in that gap, and, and learn the skills, um, dress the part, take on the risks and the challenges that allow you that, that, um, that positioning. And you'll see yourself moving and, uh, getting— shifting yourself to where you want to be. Now, my friend who was really stuck and depressed over her parents and being out of work and feeling old. You know, simply that was going back to the basics, and that's why I wanted to kind of go backwards, is going to the basics of, you know, faking a smile if you're not feeling good, if you're feeling depressed, if you're stressed. Um, you know, looking people in the eye, putting nice, you know, fun music on to lift your spirits, complimenting others, uh, that power pose. I suggested to her that, you know, if you're depressed or stressed over whatever it is that you're dealing with with your parents, you know, act calm, cool, and collected and happy and spirited. Act as if you're not stressed or anxious or depressed over whatever it is that you're trying to deal with. You know, I kind of recognized this in myself when my dad was dying in hospice. As sad and depressed as I was, I kind of had to put on a strong, happy face, not only for my dad but for my mom, not necessarily for my siblings. A friend of mine— that was the other situation— my— a friend of mine right now has a father who's sickly, very deathly sickly, and, you know, she's just, you know, you— as you can imagine if you're losing a parent. And so— but at the same time, it's impacting her work. And so she had to go back to work on Monday as much as she hated to. And it's just a matter of, okay, so put that smile on your face, you know, stand up tall, put your shoulders back. My parents, my dad always said that. Shoulders up, chest out, head up. You know, and just walk very firmly, very confidently through the hallways. While you're sitting in meetings, sit up straight and look people straight in the eye. Straight in the eye and, you know, shift yourself into a place of confidence, happiness, peace, even if internally you're struggling there. So this— so that's what I shared with my friend, as well as when it, you know, when it came to her age and being out of work. There's definitely— if you're out of work and you're depressed and agitated and feeling desperate about it, you absolutely need to shift yourself out of that, uh, because desperation only kind of attracts desperation. So you need to feel abundant, you need to feel grateful, you need to feel blessed. So if you're not feeling that right now, you know, you need to kind of fake confidence, self-esteem, uh, happiness, uh, certainty that, you know, that you're not you're not too old, that you are fully capable, so forth and so on. So there's always a degree of faking it until you make it because life is just highs and lows, not only for a moment, but even they can last a long time. So if it's lasting a long time, you want to find a way to get yourself out of it, and that just might be faking a smile, faking your shoulders up, you know, your chest out, your head up, you're confident, you're feeling good about the world even when it's crashing down around you. So for me, faking it until you make it is an important survival tool, and it can work from the smallest degree, which we you know, started and ended with in regards to the basics, to the big ones where if you don't feel good, you know, skilled enough or you're not at that level in that position and you feel like a fraud if you were to, that, you know, it's okay. You're not a fraud. You're just positioning yourself in a way that's going to get you recognized and in a place where you can take on that next risk and that next challenge and opportunity. So fake it until you make it, and I look forward to hearing your successes as, you know, these individuals also go through and apply them to their own scenarios. And I'll keep you up to date on those as well as we go forward. So for everybody here in Shutting the Bitch Radio, have a beautiful week. And remember, Ask Bernadette is next Tuesday at noon Eastern time, so send us your stories, questions, or challenges. And we'll love to give you advice and help. Talk to you next week, everyone. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.