Get rid of the #haters in your life!

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch or share share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How is everyone today? I hope you are Fabulous! I hope that your day, morning, or evening is going just beautifully and you are ready for a great conversation about getting rid of haters in your life, because that's what we are talking about today. But before we get to all of that, uh, let's see, I do hope everyone is, is doing well. I was just telling Deborah before we went live that, um, it's January 9th, and I must admit this kind of Monday, uh, that we had Christmas on a Monday, then we had New Year's on a Monday, and that really pretty much for me kind of wiped out two full weeks. I mean, I was kind of like still in a holiday mode all through last week, though I was doing a lot of things on the back end, uh, and I was telling her my— the website Shedding the Bitch, uh, if you've had any issues with it or, um, you're, you're unable to join our community, um, it turns out that I got hacked and it appears as if it's been from Russian hackers. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or not that, uh, they took the time to, uh, really wreak havoc on, uh, the website and just upload almost 5,000 profiles and emails and all kinds of stuff. And so I'm glad I came across that, but it's been taking quite a while to get it all flushed out and cleaned out. So I'm going to take it as a compliment. That they found our community active and engaging enough to where they wanted to, and important enough that they thought that we were doing some things that could help their cause, whatever that might be. But I shut them down, and hopefully I'll be able to maintain keeping them out and shutting them down because it was quite the hassle. But anyway, so I was telling Deborah that It actually took me until yesterday to really kind of solidify my plans for the year and get my goals down on paper and on like a visual and really kind of just be go-hung each and every morning to kind of pound the pavement, so to speak, pursuing those goals. And quite honestly, I was even shocked at myself that it took me a couple weeks to get all those plans laid out because you know how I talk a lot about you know, having those goals, having those plans, having those strategies for pursuing what it is that you want to be doing. And it was— it's not usual for me to wait until the 8th or the 9th to finalize those, but it's always better late than never. So we are raring to go for the new year, and everyone within the Shed in the Bitch community, Deborah included, is excited and anxious to kind of really exploit, I'll call it, and really expand our Shedding the Bitch community this year online, whether it's Facebook or Twitter or on sheddingthebitch.com or right here on our Shedding the Bitch radio episode, as well as when we are able to have guests in the studio, we videotape them and we put them up on our YouTube Shedding the Bitch channel. So there's a lot of ways to engage with us, a lot of ways to learn and grow and be inspired and motivated and educated on just what areas of your life you really want to be creating and accelerating those riches that you deserve. Let's see some rich news. I don't know about you, but I got really pumped up and excited for— all you know I'm in Atlanta, Georgia, so got very proud to be hosting a lot of things here in Georgia that are on the world stage and in our new football stadium, the Benz, as we call it, the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in downtown Atlanta, which I'm only about 2.5 miles away from. And so this past week, it's been a number of big games. But last night, last night, the National Football Championship between Alabama and Georgia, and it was geared up to be a good one, and boy was it. I don't know, um, I didn't go to Georgia, but at the same time, being that I've been here for 20-some-odd years, it is my home. And of course then I was excited for all of those players and for the community. And boy, Alabama and Georgia, what a fight to the very, very end. And it was so funny because I was I stayed up until at least midnight with the whole Russian thing on my website. And because I wanted to take in the game as much as I could appreciate it while I was also banging away at the computer. And then right after midnight, because I'm typically in bed at 10 o'clock. I think, you know, I've talked to you about that. I need my 8 hours of sleep. So I'm typically in bed at 10, but I stayed up till midnight and then said, oh my God, they're going into overtime. This could be forever. Based on the Oklahoma-Georgia game that just happened in the Rose Bowl. So I said, you know what, I'm going to go to bed. And then sadly, I left the phone, my cell phone, in the bed with me so I could refresh my screen every once in a while to at least keep up with the score. And not 2 minutes, 3 minutes, maybe 4 minutes after I jumped into bed did both Georgia score, but a field goal. And then obviously Alabama came back. With an amazing touchdown and won the game. But a shout out to all of the players and all of the coaches. What a phenomenal kind of just display of talent. And just— it was amazing because it was freshman quarterbacks and it was brothers competing against each other. It was a whole thing. So anyway, shout out and kudos to everyone in the Alabama and Georgia communities. You put up quite a fight. Congratulations, Alabama. Let's see what else. Obviously, we've been talking a lot about the #MeToo movement. I started introducing the Time's Up movement last week on the program. Sunday night was the Golden Globes. And of course, I've kind of found a new attachment to those type of award ceremonies now that I'm in the screenwriting business, so to speak. Not so to speak, it is. And it is quite— Ah, it's quite exciting to kind of have those aspirations that one day maybe I could be, you know, my name could be announced as the screenplay award for one of those ceremonies. So the Golden Globes was very exciting. It was going to be very exciting because of the Time's Up. All the people were going to be in black. And I have to admit, it was a great display of support. I think there was maybe 3 people that was wearing something other than black. So it was a great display, and I was quite proud of just the representation and the support that the movements Me Too and Time's Up were receiving. Though I have to admit, as I was watching Oprah's speech, for instance, which we'll get to in a second, but As I was watching her speech and as I was watching throughout the evening, as even the jokes and the speeches were being made, I have to admit there was some eye rolling and there was some heads kind of down and shaking. And that kind of was disappointing because it definitely did come across as if they weren't in support of what it was that these movements were trying to change and shift in the world. But you know what? That all plays into our conversation today about haters. And we'll get to that in a minute. So kudos to all the women and the men that are standing up for change. Because as they say, time's up. And it is about time. And then lastly, of course, congrats to our next president, who obviously, and must be, Oprah Winfrey, from what everybody is saying. You might love her. You might hate her. It doesn't matter. That's not what I'm here to discuss. And what I am here to discuss is kudos to, for her, to representing those people who need a voice and who deserve a voice. And she, if anyone, is in a position of influence and change. So I applauded her speech. I applauded her words. There were a couple things, and we're going to mention them throughout our discussion about hate, but But there were a couple of things that even I would have— I told my coach yesterday, I told Joan, I would advise Oprah if I could be on her campaign, if she does run for president or anything else, I would definitely have some adjustments in her words and in her communication. But overall, you couldn't help but be moved. That said, our discussion today is about hate. And I was very disappointed, but not surprised, to just go online and look for that video on— YouTube and Twitter and Facebook and to see the comments being made. And did the haters come out in force? And we'll— we're going to discuss, and that's what this whole thing is about today, is we're going to discuss what makes haters hate and what are the degrees of hate, because there are varying degrees of hate. What can you do about it so it doesn't impact you? But also, at the same time, what do you need to do about it in regards to looking yourself in the mirror? Shedding the Bitch is all about that. It's all about discovering and confronting those bitches of fear, insecurities, and doubt that you might have that cause you to lash out on the world, and shedding those so you can create and accelerate riches in your life. And we'll talk about the, you know, what we always talk about in regards to you get what you, yes, you get what you give, you know, you attract who you are, all those kind of things. So our objective with this program and everything we do in the Shedding the Bitch community is to bring awareness as to how you can shift to riches in your own life. But kudos to everyone who is creating a voice for change. And let's bring the kindness, let's bring the humanity, let's bring the compassion, let's bring laughter back into the world, because this past year or couple years has been tough on our spirit. And yet we have tons of it, so let's just be sure that we are using it to spread love and joy and kindness in the world. And as Ellen says, you know, be kind to one another. It's not difficult. It's not difficult. All right, let's see what else. Obviously, we've had a lot of awesome discussions in our past episodes. Most recently, we've had a discussion about sexual harassment, so go back and take a look for that, and I'll mention where in a minute. We talked about how to stay sane, and not only in the holiday season, but gave you tips and advice for just really how to get organized and how to manage the chaos of time. Then we We talked with Sharon Williams, CEO of Go Blue Technology, and we talked to her about staying connected, staying connected and building relationships in order to be successful in your career, business, and/or life. And we also talked with Mariela Dabla about simple ideas that change the world. So Mariela Dabla, check her out. Go to our Shedding the Bitch radio channel on sheddingthebitch.com. You'll find all of our episodes there. You can also go to obviously blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch Shedding the Bitch Radio. And then, like I mentioned, a lot of times if I have the guests in Atlanta or wherever I am around the world, I will also videotape those episodes. So go to our YouTube Shedding the Bitch channel and you can always check out our lovely faces as we videotape those discussions and interviews as well. All right, today we are talking hate. Haters, uh, what to do about them, how to identify them, and what degrees, um, kind of cause it to be hate, so to speak. And it just— as I was talking about this last week, because the reason why we're talking about this, it came up on, uh, if it wasn't last week's show, the show before, and it was a woman asking about how can she kind of eliminate haters in her life. And yet some of them were even close family or close friends and family members. So after that episode, and it was listened to and downloaded a great deal of time, more times than many of our others, I also just kind of got the impression from all of that that we needed more discussion about this. We needed more discussion about what you could be doing to not only identify it, but eliminate it from your life. Because again, we need to bring kindness and joy to the world. So we're— so as I was thinking about this and formulating the discussion, Taylor Swift's song, you know, Shake It Off, kept coming up, kept coming up, kept coming up. And of course I can't afford the royalties or the license for her song, but she really kind of hits it. She really hits it as far as who are those, who are those type of haters, and it And it can be everyone from, you know, players out there who are kind of manipulating or sabotaging or just being very selfish about their own agenda, so to speak. And then obviously there's the haters that are just spewing a lot of junk and a lot of garbage and a lot of hate, anger. And we'll talk about really what that translates into where they're concerned. And then she talks about heartbreakers and fakers and and other things, but I just kept on replaying in my head, in my head, haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, haters gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. You just need to shake it off is what we're talking about today. So our rich question that I want you to think about as we're having this conversation is, what is that one feeling or emotion you get when someone hates on you? What is that one feeling or emotion that comes up for you, and how does it manifest itself when someone hates on you? And again, there could be differing degrees of hate, but when someone's not necessarily loving ya, you know, maybe they're rolling their eyes at ya, maybe they're condescending or saying something mean to you, or maybe they're just ignoring you, what emotion, what feeling comes up for you, and how does that manifest itself? Because I want you to ground yourself in that. Because then that'll create the appreciation, the compassion that we all need to understand how to deal with haters in the world. All right, now that's your rich question. What I'd like you to do is I'd like you to hashtag Facebook and tweet with us, put it on LinkedIn. You communicate with us in many ways and hashtag with us at #shedhaters, #shedhaters, and also #shedthebitch. Of course, Deborah of Parker House Virtual Services is out there and she is tweeting and Facebooking and she'll be watching for you as well. So if she sees those hashtags come up and there is something that you want to say, you can always also call into us at 1-818-572-2910. You can also chat with us. I'm online right now on our chat room on blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio. Find the episode and scroll down, um, the bottom of it, and you'll find a chat room where you can also talk with us. All right, we do have some callers actually, and, um, I'll look for any chatters that are out there. Maybe there's something specific you want to talk about. But in the meantime, we're going to take a break because I can feel myself running. And we're going to take a break. When we get back, we'll get into this conversation around how to— how to eliminate haters in your life. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon, ShuttingTheBitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com. @gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, we are talking haters today, how to get rid of them, how to eliminate them, how to stomp them out. I'm actually going to open up the phone lines really quickly because I know that some folks are calling in. I'll also be checking the chat room throughout the program. If you want to say anything, you don't have to, if you want to say anything just say, hey Bernadette If not, then we'll just continue on. All right, and again, you can also chat with us. Just go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and scroll down for on this episode and you'll find the chat room. All right, anyone have a question before we move on and talk about crickets? All right, so To start off this conversation, I happened to go on Twitter this morning. I really wanted to see kind of what the chatter was in the last couple of days since the Golden Globes, since, you know, who knows who's doing what out there, including our own president. That creates a lot of activity. But I did find this one tweet out there from Daniel Sam 2002. So that's his handle, @danielsam2002. And I just, it was about hate. He used the hashtag #haters on this tweet, and it just so much related to what it was that we're talking about. And it also has a message that I just wanna leave with you through his own words as we also get into this conversation. So here's his tweet. Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you hear it, but you can't see it. Then right when you walk by them, they're quiet. So how many of you can relate to that? When, when or if you decide to finally confront them, finally say something, finally respond, all of a sudden those people go quiet. Whether it's online or in person, uh, you know, all of a sudden when they're about to be confronted and called out on their junk, they go quiet. I want you to keep that in mind as we talk because, um, going back to the question that— the rich question that we posed to you is, what is that emotion or feeling that kind of comes up within yourself when someone hates on you, and how does it manifest itself? Some people do get kind of, their defenses go up. Some people do get sad or depressed. Some people do get pissed. Some people do get insecure. They take it personally. So, and I want you to be thinking about that, and why I want you to is because by the time we get done this conversation, you will have realized that you might have spent a lot of energy and a lot of time and a lot of anxiety on people and things and situations that just doesn't deserve it and that isn't worth all of that energy that you just spent, of which you're not going to get back. Once the time is there, once you have an emotion, once you have an experience and it's over, it's gone forever. So what we want to do is we want to provide you tools and tips and strategies for arming yourself to actually shed those things so you can, uh, go on with your life and create whatever it is that you want in your life. All right, so first what I wanted to share with you is— and a lot of this comes from my own personal experience, not only about being hated but also being a hater. And I'll talk very openly about that, I'll be very transparent about that, and I'll certainly be a sounding board for anyone who really needs to understand it more so, and feel free. I don't shy away from any question or any, any type of comment someone would have, though I will ignore the haters unless I need to send a message, as I did on YouTube this morning when I looked up that speech from Oprah. And I'll make sure you're aware of where you can find that as well as we go through this conversation. All right, so I look at it this way. First off, understand, try to understand the forms that haters come in. They come in various forms. There's those that thrive on confrontation. They thrive on that literal, physical, verbal, in-person even, conflict. And they're doing it purposely to create a response from you. They want to see you squirm. They want to see you get defensive. They want to see you grow insecure. And this is where I was for many years back in my, I would say, my 30s and my 40s. Notice I really didn't say my 20s. So it's even sadder on my part that, you know, I, I thrived in this in my 30s and 40s. So let me explain that. Give you an idea, help you picture what haters look like. So there are people out there that really get off on making you sweat. They love when they walk in a room and they— everybody kind of sits up in attention and sees you starting to squirm. And, you know, you'll find that any kind of abuser will seek these people out because they, you know, they know that they can get a rouse from you. They know that they they can take advantage of you. They know that they can beat you down or manipulate you because they thrive on seeing that. And it, and it doesn't matter. They— it's not necessarily they go after necessarily the lowest person on the, on the ladder. They, they'll do it all the way up and down and across. They're not afraid to create this, this fear, this, you know, insecurity in anyone. And it's just a matter of them then seeking out those that actually kind of respond the way they want to from it, not necessarily like the crickets say, not necessarily stand up with them, stand up to them and confront them. They're looking for those people who will actually allow them to beat them down and allow them to feel less of themselves. So there's those that thrive on that literal confrontation. There's those that hide. They hide and wreak havoc. So those are going to be those people that you see online all the time, that they hide behind a computer screen, they hide behind an avatar that isn't even a picture of them, and maybe even not even their real name, and they just go at it. And they, they go at it in such a way that they know that they're somewhat protected because people aren't going to be able to identify their, their profile and, and who they really are. There's also those people, quite honestly, there's those families, there's those friends, there's those colleagues, there's those community members who are doing hiding and wreaking havoc because what they might be doing is going behind someone's back and talking bad at them or trying to sabotage whatever it is that they're working on or they're pursuing. They will make judgments, you know, in the South there's that term, oh bless your heart, and it's actually a backhanded compliment. It sounds like it's a compliment, yet at the same time it's actually a very demeaning phrase that when you hear it, especially if you're in the South, when you hear it, you know that it's one of those backhanded compliments. And then there's those varying degrees of haters. There's those that are subtle. So for instance, people don't necessarily have to be overt. Or they don't have to be that one that likes that literal confrontation that we just talked about, or those— they don't necessarily have to be just those people that hide behind a computer screen. They could be right in front of you, and there's a degree of hate that they're demonstrating that you really need to pay attention to if you really want to eliminate haters in your life, because they do come in the form of your families and your friends and your loved ones and your colleagues and those people that you put trust in. So the, the degree of the hate is also something that you really want to pay attention to. So there's those, for instance, just think about it, you know, the last time you got a raise or maybe a promotion or you bought a new house or maybe a new car or a new outfit, um, or even a nice beautiful pocketbook, and you know, you have those family, friends, colleagues that subtly go quiet. They don't congratulate you, they don't acknowledge whatever that might be, they don't compliment in any way, shape, or form. They just simply go quiet. This is that passive-aggressive person as well, who just, as opposed to saying anything, they just go quiet. But you have to just consider that that is a form of hate. Now, you might not like that word, hate, and we're going to get to that in a minute, but that's what it is. So, for instance, you know, if you looked at the Georgia-Alabama game, or if you looked at Oprah's speech Sunday night on the Golden Globes— and I'm bringing those up because they're the most recent— and if you were to go online or even have a conversation with someone, you'll all of a sudden see the ugliness come out, as opposed to being able to just merely, for instance, congratulate Alabama on an awesome game and to, um, and to acknowledge the fact that they put up a great fight. Both teams did awesome, but you know what, there is a winner and there are losers in the world. We can't, we can't be okay with just everybody placating each other. And just saying, oh, we don't like losers, we don't want to, you know, acknowledge losers. You know what? That's life. And so it's really interesting when, you know, how and when and where and what people say and how they acknowledge that event, that outcome. You're certainly going to have, you know, Alabama's people calling people, you know, Georgia people that they deserved to lose, they sucked, they didn't play a good game. You'll have Georgia that will say that they didn't deserve to win, that some of those penalties were bad. Just listen and pay attention to it. People's hate, whether it's subtle or overt, comes out for something like that versus just acknowledging or even congratulating regardless of what might have actually occurred or happened. Same thing with the Oprah. You can go online. You can go to Oprah— just Google Oprah's full speech at the Golden Globes, and you're going to find it through NBC News. That's the only place you're going to really find the full 9 minutes of her speech, because NBC broadcasted the Golden Globes. And you'll find it there. And if you scroll down after the 3 million people that have already viewed that, and then all the comments that have been received, it's really depressing. As far as all of a sudden people coming out saying, you know, all kinds of negative, just nasty things. Now, you can like her or not, you can agree with her comments or not, but again, what you need to pay attention to is there are ways to disagree, there are ways to have a very strong opinion about something without throwing hate into the mix of it. So you, you know, and those are just those subtle, and some of them are overt, ways to hate is to just simply not even acknowledge or compliment or congratulate, but instead tear somebody down or look for the flaws in someone. So I'm hoping that you're kind of thinking about too that question we asked about the feelings and emotions that come up for you, because we're also going to turn that on its head in a bit. Because there's a part that you play in all of this, whether it's contributing to it or defending it. And we're going to talk all, talk about all of that in a minute. So other subtle ways that people can hate, it could be that they just remain, and we talked about this actually, quiet. They really don't say anything. They kind of just ignore or avoid or just push something aside. And change the subject or just avoid, you know, someone for a time after they might have, you know, had something really great happen to them. They don't support or lift you up. Now, this is where we— and why we actually had this question addressed on one of our Ask Bernadette's in the last couple of weeks, because that was really the issue, is It wasn't really this literal or overt confrontation of hate, or it wasn't this subtle type of hate. It was more so that here this person had— this woman had something that she really wanted to be doing and needed the support of the people around her, and she wasn't getting it. And basically was being told that she wasn't going to be getting the support. And they wouldn't necessarily, because here's the key, of what you need to really pay attention to and acknowledge is it wasn't just the fact that they wouldn't support, but they wouldn't address why they wouldn't support. They wouldn't address, you know, the elephant in the room, so to speak. They wouldn't address their issue or their disagreement or their outright, you know, dislike for whatever the situation was. That, that is unacceptable, and you can't accept that. And if that is happening to you in your life like it is to her, then that is definitely something you might— you to then be okay with saying, you know what, this isn't— this isn't gonna work, this isn't good for me. I need people that are gonna support my— my dreams. And even if they don't support them, I need them to appreciate what it is that I'm doing and be upfront, transparent, and honest with me. Because anything else— anything else other than that is just— if you don't like the word hate, fine, don't "don't use the word hate." Well, I'll give you some other words that you can, you know, make yourself feel better about. But you need to do something about it, and, and that's what we're gonna, we're gonna talk about. And we kind of talked about these. There's also ways, you know, there's intensities, there's degrees of this hate. I can tell you, back in my 30s and 40s that I mentioned, when I was wreaking havoc on people and I was getting off on it and I was looking for it. I was looking for it.

I—

it wasn't subtle. It wasn't even kind of— it was definitely literal, but it was intense. And that's why so many people in the community, and I'm sure you will say, oh, she says this quite often, I use the word angst when it comes to explaining what was going on within myself that was causing me to be such a bitch, such a bully. It was just angst, because it just— that word just kind of escalates the intensity for me, for me, and it might be for you too. But, and that's the only way I can explain it, is I was just full of angst toward many things, but mostly toward myself. And we'll talk some of that when we get into kind of what you can be doing for yourself to kind of eliminate the haters in your world. And again, we talked about the subtle, but you know, and we talked about even the silent haters, those who are enabling you. This came up in a conversation several weeks ago with some friends, and of course everybody was talking about New Year's resolutions, New Year's goals, and you know, what they were going to be trying to do. And a few of them mentioned and rolled their eyes saying, well, you know, I tried a diet and my spouse actually, you know, throws chocolate cake in front of my face, or, or, you know, throws comments to me about my going to the gym or my getting on a treadmill and running down in our basement. So, you know, there's people that will also enable you to be weaker, to be less than. And then also manipulate you in certain ways for you to kind of get off course or for you to get distracted from what it is that you are trying to do or where you're succeeding in your life, sending you in the wrong direction. I'll never forget, if there was an example of hate for me as I was kind of in my shedding process, it was in 2005. I was I had taken my dad to Paris. Actually, it was before 2005. I was taking my dad, uh, I was taking my dad to Paris, and we were there, and he wanted to find this one pub that he had gone to in one part of town. Now, my father at the time was 81, maybe 80, 81, and he had a very difficult time walking. But, you know, they find the strength when it comes to their children. So that man walked all over Paris. Anyway, so we're looking for this pub and we had to take the, take the train, and a couple of them to get to this little town. And we get off the train, we climb these stairs, I'm running up like in front of him to find a place for him to sit and rest and whatnot. And as I do that, I find these two young girls standing outside of a shop, and I ask them, you know, do you know where this street is? And we're looking for Willie's Pub. And I I did it in broken, broken French, but I did, and I attempted, and I tried. And so they pointed me in a direction, but as they did, they were also giggling and laughing at it, at it. So I just thought maybe it was my English, and I kind of just said thank you very much and moved on. And, you know, kind of took the arm of my father and we started walking, and they're giggling and laughing, and it's getting louder and louder as we're walking away. And all of a sudden I turned around and I realized, you know what, They just sent us in the wrong direction purposely so they can get a laugh. And that was like one of the first things regarding hate that caused me to kind of wake up from even the stuff that I was doing and I was wreaking. And I turned around and I went and I confronted them and kind of moved on and I felt great after having done that. But it's all those subtle things that you need to pay attention to, especially when it comes to the people that you love and the people that you're trusting to be supporting you and not to be hating on you. So that said, we, you know, I want to come back and I want to talk about what all those different types of hate and those individuals that spew that have in common. Because there's one thing that if you become aware of this one thing and then take on the tactics and the tips I'm going to provide you, you can definitely eliminate the haters in your world, and you're definitely going to have a change of perspective as to your part, possibly, that you play. So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the rich and in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking haters and what they look like. What forms they come in. And now I want you to really understand what haters, whether it's subtle or overt, literal, drastic, angst, as we talked about, what they all have in common. Because there's only one thing that you have to keep in mind, and you have to understand if you want to get into the mindset of a hater. The one thing that they all have in common is they hate themselves.

Period.

End of story. Now you might not like that word hate, it might be too strong for you, there it might be because something's coming up within yourself about, oh yes, you know, back on that question that we posed, that rich question, what's that one emotion or feeling that manifests itself within you when someone hates on you? Because the one thing we're going to have you think about is, you know, turn it around, and where do you hate, where do you judge, where do you ridicule, where do you spew? Doesn't matter to what degree. Hopefully it was— it's not the degree of which I did. And yet at the same time, I can tell you when, when I learned and when I realized that within myself that it was this one reason why people hated on other people, it was very transformative. It was very hard. It was very shameful. It was very difficult. It was very disgusting to confront that within myself. But once I did, once I really saw that ugliness, once I saw examples like those girls in Paris with my dad, it took my breath away, not in a great way. It made me hyperventilate. It made me physically manifest just absolute horror within myself. But it also, when it just released itself, it shedded itself, as we say here, it opened up a world of compassion, of understanding, and of change. And so that is, we will get to that, all of that in, in a couple of minutes. But so what I really want you to think about is the one thing all those people, whether subtle or overt, whether simple hate or very aggressive hate, what all of them have in common is, is hate within themselves. So if you do not like that word hate, let me give you other words you can replace with it. You can replace insecure with that word. You can replace feeling unworthy, or you don't really like yourself very much. You doubt yourself. You feel you're not deserving of whatever it is, and therefore when you look at other people succeeding or getting things that you want or doing things that you want to be doing, but you just are too consumed with being stuck or feeling alone or, or, or not really feeling too great about yourself. Well, that's when all of a sudden the only place for that to go, those feelings that you're building up internally to go, is on judgment, is on ridicule, is on demeaning, is on judging, is on potentially backstabbing or sabotaging other people. Again, there's varying degrees because haters are really just filled with fear. That's where that comes from, is from fear. It's fear of they won't measure up or that they won't succeed, that they'll fail in any attempt that they have in finding happiness or joy or riches in their world. They're, they're so afraid of losing you. Can you relate to that? You know, or can you in turn relate to it in such a way that you're so afraid of losing someone else you get clingy, you get desperate, you get, you just get all-consuming in protecting that, that relationship that you have. I can certainly relate to that, and as a matter of fact, my niece— I wish I had it because I just thought of it— but my niece posted a beautiful statement the other day on Facebook. So shout out to Ashley, Ashley Marie. She, she put something about the fact that, you know, if you're, if you're having to cling, if you're having to manipulate, if you're having to just control the person in your life that you so-called love, that's not love. Love isn't being desperate. Love isn't being controlling. Love isn't, isn't being cruel to someone. Love is allowing that person to be and to succeed and to do whatever it is that they want to be doing. And so I have, you know, I responded to her comment because it touched me. It manifested something in me and that I had to acknowledge. And I, you know, simply put out there on Facebook for all the world to read that that was me. That was me 10 years ago, 15 years ago, especially when it came to love relationships in my life. I was so desperate to lose him, I was so desperate to not have him love me that I took on those behaviors of hate. And again, you don't like the word, change it, but you know, be honest about how it manifests itself. That's what shedding the bitch is all about. That's what I had to admit to myself that My bitchiness was as a result of my fears and insecurities and doubts and negativities, what we now call bitches in our world. So haters are also bored. They're unmotivated in their life. They don't have goals, dreams, and aspirations. Ask them. Ask anyone that you come across that you feel that, you know, is spewing junk onto other people, maybe even onto themselves, and ask them about their goals and their dreams. They'll have a very difficult time not articulating them, because a lot of people— that's what I do for a living— a lot of people have a hard time articulating their dreams and their wants because they're scared of acknowledging them. That doesn't make them haters. What makes them haters, if they are, are then taking that inability to express themselves, and take that inability to find them and to then take action and, and pursue them, whether they succeed or not. As opposed to doing that, they then take it out and spew hate on people that are succeeding, are pursuing, are living the life that they want to live. So, you know, if you need to run, you know, kind of tests or proofs of whether it's yourself or somebody else, then ask yourself a lot of questions. Ask them a lot of these questions. Um, ask them what goals, what dreams, what aspirations. Uh, we all have fears even though we have goals and dreams and aspirations. That's what's exciting about it is we all have fears. It's a matter of pushing through them or allowing them to, to wreak havoc. Haters also— this is where I was— haters seek attention. Haters seek worthiness, feeling important, feeling they have a position and a standing in life. They are also, they're seeking an ego, they're seeking to satisfy themselves as being important, being significant, being unique. And unfortunately, they seek it in a way that just spews hate as opposed to spewing their kindness, their compassion, their empathy, their ability to engage and collaborate and be kind and lift up individuals. Bottom line is they basically are unhappy with themselves. So if you can understand that, if you know that, if you can see that, um, even within yourself, where in your life do you feel that bitch of fear, insecurity, or doubt? How does it manifest itself? The relevancy of that question is recognizing and making sure you're aware of how you're manifesting your own bitches. Is it coming out in any degree of hate, judgment, ridicule, or is it You're fighting through it and attempting to find ways to shift it. And when we get back, that's exactly what we want to talk about is what now can you be doing in order for you to shift from bitch to rich and get haters out of your life. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover confront and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate expert-size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media relations at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. I had something unplug itself. Welcome back everyone, and we are talking haters, eliminating them, getting rid of them, stomping them out of our lives, and to some degree even out of ourselves, from within ourselves. So what we want to talk about in this last segment is how, how you can eliminate haters in your life. And as I was mentioning before the break, the very first thing you need to do is you need to ground yourself in where you are in that situation, or where you are in the position of hate. Take a look in the mirror in regards to yourself as far as that— the question that we asked at the beginning of the hour: what is that emotion or that feeling that comes up when someone hates on you, and how does it manifest itself? Understanding that and then looking yourself in the mirror and saying, where am I contributing that type of feeling, that type of anxiety, that type of stress, that type of, um, hate in the world? Now, I'm not saying that you are, but— and because as humans, it's hard for us We'd have to be a robot if we were to say that we can, you know, 110% shut off all those things that cause us not to be kind and compassionate. But I would say that 110% is true, but we can 99%. I'd even shoot for myself. I'd even shoot for 90%. Because I'm not there yet. I'm not there, you know, wanting and wishing for things that I don't have. What we all then need to think about is, okay, it's all fine and good to want and to wish and to dream about things that we want and we don't have, or that we're pursuing and we haven't achieved, or what even other people have. And that we don't. It's a matter of— and the difference is how we respond to that feeling, to that emotion that comes up. And as whether or not we look at them with admiration and respect and happiness and joy for their success, or we look at it as an envy or jealousy or judgment. So take stock of your own potential. For judgment, for ridicule, for meanness, plain and simple. Take stock as to, you know, what do you say online, or what do you say when, you know, your friend comes to you and says they're getting married and, and, uh, you're still 55 and looking? That is me, 55. Um, I'm not necessarily looking, but if it happens, it happens. But I'm always thrilled. Now I have to tell you, something caught me off guard, um, a couple of months ago. Actually, it's been 4 or 5 now. A friend of mine, she's 60, 61. She's been married before, divorced, a long time kind of, you know, in the dating scene, kind of almost given up. She met someone, it happened very quickly, and all of a sudden within 2 or 3 months she's, you know, moving out of town and moving in with him. And so she tells me, and I was like, oh my God, I'm so excited for you! And, you know, uh, you know, you deserve this, you know, you, you, you know you deserve to be loved, all that. And I was just loving on her. And she actually kind of stepped back, almost with a tear in her eye, and was like, well, thank you. I wasn't quite sure, you know, how you were going to feel about it. And I was like, what do you mean you weren't quite sure how I was going to feel about it? And it was— then actually she wasn't directing it just to me, she was directing it to, uh, it turns out, to other people that might have responded in different ways to her. Over her joy and happiness and the love that she found in her life. So we all have the potential to, you know, question or envy or judge or, you know, ridicule or turn our eyes up or write something that's not so kind. Understand that first within yourself because then you can turn that all around. And you can seek ways to really then rid it and of it. Well, first acknowledge it in your own life from other people and get rid of it once and for all. Because anytime the, you know, the first thing I could tell you is continue on with your life, be as successful and pursue what all your dreams and all your goals and whatever it is, and ignore the haters. I can say that because basically that's what you need to do.. But that's not necessarily easily applicable. It's not something that you could just say, oh, okay, I'm just going to ignore everybody and, and, uh, and just go on with what I'm doing. That— because we have insecurities, we have doubts, we have those days that we get up and go, are we even working on the, on the things that we're supposed to be working on? But the one, the one thing that you can be doing is to, as a— in going inward be looking at your confidence level, your feeling of worthiness, your feeling of self-belief in yourself that you could do whatever it is that you set out to do, is looking at, you know, how you love and care for yourself. Because you love and care for yourself and the dreams and the goals that you have and the end state of which, you know, your pursuit, even those challenges, those walls that you confront and you overcome, Having a realistic and a really good idea of what you look like at that end, you know, at that accomplishment point, will, will absolutely provide you the thick armor, so to speak, that you need to kind of deal with the haters. Or it can, like myself, or it can give you that actual casual, like, I really don't care what anybody says about what it is I'm doing. Now I want, I want critique, I want input, I want assessment, I want ideas, and you know, and I definitely want people who disagree with what it is that I'm working on because that just creates ideas and innovation and creativity. And I don't believe I'm the smartest person in the room. You shouldn't believe you're the smartest. At the same time, I understand how hard that can be. So if anything, you just go on doing what you're doing, but always know who you are in doing that and what your goals, dreams, and aspirations are. So you can, so you can feel secure and comfortable and confident that what it is that you're working on, no matter what anybody else says about it, what you want to be doing and what you want to be pursuing your life. And that will allow you to make judgments on who is good for you in your world and who is not, what places, what, what things you need to either keep in your life or shed from your life. And whatever you do, just know that no one deserves hate. So we have to do whatever we can to eliminate it from our own world and within ourselves. Doing that will make this world a kinder, more compassionate, and more joyful place. So thank you everyone. I look forward to having you next week on our program again at noon Eastern time. And do whatever you can to eliminate the hate in your world and to create riches in your— you deserve. Thanks everybody. Hello and welcome to—

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.