Grab Someone and Bare Your Soul

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch. Shedding the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this beautiful Tuesday?

We're kind of close to halfway into September, and we're getting closer, I guess, to fall.

It's around September 20th, 21st, and hopefully things will start cooling down around the country. I know here it's in like the 90s, mid to high 90s for the next 5 or 6 days. And fall is coming, football is here, Halloween stores are open. So as, you know, we tick on, life ticks on along with us. So I hope you're having a beautiful, wonderful day, and I'm really excited about this conversation today, and we'll get into it in just a second because it stems from a great and fun and inspiring inspiring lunch that I had with a friend, uh, yesterday, who will then— she'll be returning, uh, to Shedding the Bitch Radio, and, uh, uh, we'll be having her next Tuesday. And it all came out of this conversation, uh, and like I said, we're talking bearing your soul, and it's part of that discussion I had yesterday with Sharon. So, uh, stay tuned for that, and I'll give you some— a little bit more details in regards to that in just a second. Uh, we've had some great shows recently. If you've missed any, you can go to Apple Podcasts and download them there, iTunes, uh, sheddingthebitch.com, our radio channel. Just scroll down, you'll see the radio link, as well as of course blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio.

So our recent shows have been everything from our Ask Me Anything episode, which was last week.

For those of you joining us maybe for the first time, our Ask Me Anything episode is the first Tuesday of every month, and it provides you an opportunity to get some tips, advice, sometimes tough love about something that you might be dealing with, or maybe you just have a simple question, or you just need advice on something.

And so all through the month, you could be posting your questions for your challenge out on our Facebook or Twitter Shedding the Bitch pages.

You can send them to me directly at BernadetteBoas@SheddingTheBitch.com, or you can send them to me as a private message on LinkedIn. And that is where a lot of you reach out to me, probably after you've connected with me and then you decided to take advantage of that and ask me a question. So any of those forms of dialogue with myself, I will answer you in a very short period of time. Normally people are very surprised at how quickly I— they're like, do you ever work? I get a response from you immediately.

I'm just really good at multitasking and fitting things in and prioritizing and I do feel that when you take the time to reach out to me, it's important for me to get back to you in a timely fashion.

So, that's our Ask Me Anything episode, and we cover everything from career questions to business questions. And what I mean by that is, say you own your own business or you're looking to, you know, to move into being an entrepreneur, a business owner, and having your own business, or anything in between. I then also will help you with any life question that you have. Now, of course, there are some areas of life I'm not the expert.

I'm not an expert in divorce.

I'm not an expert in marriage, though I'm pretty good at giving advice when it comes to relationships. At those points in time, I will reach out to my broad network of expertise and make sure that you do get the help and advice that you need. So don't hesitate to ask it. I just might respond to you saying that I'm reaching out to someone in my posse in order to support you effectively. All right?

So that's our Ask Me Anything episode, first Tuesday of every month.

We've also had episodes that discussed how to not only visualize— so for those of you who believe in vision boards and/or you want to but you're not quite sure what it's all about. We talked about that it's not just about visualizing what it is you want to achieve or obtain in life. You actually have to believe it.

You have to believe that you will attract, that you are worthy, that you're deserving, that you're blessed and grateful, and all those other things.

So take a look for that. It's not about visualizing but believing. We also had a great conversation in studio with a guest that's been on the show multiple times, and this time we are talking about her latest book, The Little Book of Breathwork.

More importantly, it's about how you can heal without drugs, how you have the mechanism, which is your breath, to basically heal— if not everything, a good amount—

of not only physical pain but also emotional pain or emotional struggle. So take a look for that. It's always one of our popular podcasts, as well as we videotaped that episode, so you can go to our Shedding the Bits YouTube channel and download our video of that interview as well. We've talked betrayal, we've talked about shedding— what is it, what it's about, how do I go about doing it— and a number, a volume of other topics. That are definitely relatable and definitely hit on the top-of-mind things that I'm asked about from our predominant female community, but at the same time, we always have men that listen in as well and contribute to the dialogue, and we always welcome that. So take a look at any of those platforms for those episodes and more. Now, I mentioned my lunch yesterday with my friend and peer colleague Sharon. So next week I've asked her to come and actually I'll dig into a little bit more. Actually, I didn't necessarily ask her out of the air. It was very organic. We were having a conversation which we'll talk about today and as a result of that, there's an extension of that conversation both of us agreed and we're talking about that would be very valuable not only to our dialogue yesterday but also to others like yourself and it's all around mortal moments. So all a deep conversation we're going to have. She'll be in studio so again we'll videotape it as well as broadcast it and it'll be a deep conversation regarding Mortal Moments. So take a look for that episode, the details of that, and then join us, uh, for that episode next week.

But today, like I mentioned, we are talking about bearing your soul and bearing witness for another as they bear their soul.

And the benefits, uh, are, you know, run the gamut.

There's benefits, great benefits to those that bear their soul, as well as there's some powerful benefits to those that bear witness to it.

And like I mentioned, it came out of this conversation and this experience— more so experience yesterday that I had with Sharon than, than anything. And I'll let you know all about that and, and kind of allow you to feel kind of stories and field experiences that does trigger opportunities for dialogue, opportunities for communication, opportunities to engage, opportunities to collaborate with one another. And that's what I am trying and want to do and hope that we do here on Shit in the Bitch, because things happen during, you know, a day, a week, a month, And I think it's important that when those things bubble up that we bring them to you and provide you a platform to engage with that experience.

So today, bearing your soul, or you may bear witness to someone else bearing their soul.

So the rich question I want to leave you with before we go on commercial that I want you to ground yourself into this conversation today. Considering your part in this topic, I want you to think about if someone was there to bear witness to your soul, what is it that you would bear to them?

Now, I'll also explain why it sounds very similar that we're talking bearing your soul and bearing witness.

Obviously, two words sound very much the same. Spelled differently and means things differently. So if someone was there, willing, open, and ready to bear witness to your soul, what is it you would bear to them? Think about that, because we all need to be heard, and that's what Bearing Your Soul is all about. We all need to be heard. What do you need to be heard about? Think about that as we go off to commercial break. When we get back, we're going to dive into this conversation about bearing your soul.

We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, as we dive into bearing our soul. And as the discussion goes on, you might find my— me bearing my own soul, but I really want to use this opportunity to focus on you, get you to understand what bearing one's soul is all about, as well as what bearing witness to that is all about, and the powerful, powerful shifts and transformations one can make on either side of that, whether it's you bearing your soul and/or bearing witness. So why did this subject turn come up and why did I all of a sudden just sense that this was some dialogue that would be of value and relatable to many of you.

As I mentioned yesterday, I met up with a longtime friend and colleague, Sharon Williams. We often will get together and just simply kind of get up to date on our lives, personal lives, discuss business, discuss where we're at with our business, discuss the changes that we've made. We look to provide each other tips and advice, sometimes tough love, connections and contacts, maybe referrals to new business or new ideas and strategies.

And I always look forward to them because if you were to meet Sharon personally, and you can go to Actually, we've had her on the program multiple times before, and one, if not both of them, were videotaped. But so if you were to see her, you would see why I enjoy being in her presence. She just has a glow about her. She has a gleam in her eyes about her.

She's always uplifting, inspiring, always has, you know, nuggets of of insight and ideas, motivation, inspiration, positivity, and I just enjoy being in her presence.

And yesterday, as I was driving to meet her, I was getting more and more kind of open and excited about sitting down and spending some time with her.

As we did, as we began to talk, it became evident that we weren't just there to talk business.

We weren't just there to talk projects or clients or successes or even our challenges. It became apparent that she also wanted to— in what now we're calling bearing one's soul—

she wanted to bear her soul.

And I had to recognize that very quickly because then I needed to kind of shift and adjust myself to being a witness and to being a good listener and supporter and not being the coach, not being the consultant, not being the one who wants to fix things. And we'll talk all about why that is important to know that those aren't what you want to be when you're bearing witness. And so, both of us kind of settled in and I— her food came first.

So, she had the opportunity and it, you know, got God's divine intervention.

She had the opportunity to eat while I brought her up to date on kind of where I'm at. And it was very, what I would call, you know, as social as it was, it was also matter-of-fact. This is what's been going on, this is where I've been.

Even though I did share some struggles and all that kind of good stuff.

But her having her food and me still waiting on it just provided that opportunity for kind of me to get my story done and end it. And it naturally then led into I received my food and therefore she had already been able to ask for a to-go container. And so I was able to enjoy my lunch and listen and really be present and engaged with her as she then went on to what she, I think, initially thought was going to be her prescribed sharing of where she's at in life, but turned into this bearing of her soul. And therefore I shifted. I shifted to just sitting back, listening.

Being very attentive, and actually being very quiet.

Now, as much as I'm a coach, I'm also, like today, an emcee, a host. I'm a talker. However, as a coach, and over this past 10 years of my own shedding experience, I've recognized when I no longer need to be the talker. Need to be the fixer, need to be the, you know, the consultant. I needed to be the witness.

I needed to be the listener. So we had this deep conversation.

We talked. She shared kind of where she was at with her business and with her life, and but more so where she was at in her struggle, in her struggle to really understand what she truly should be working on. Now, if there's one thing, and I don't want to kind of discuss what we might be talking about all next week, but if there's one thing that this woman is just absolutely passionate about, and every one of us would want her in our corner, is bridging the gap between not only communities, not only races, not only economies, not only genders, not only any other type of gap that might exist. But she really, really, really right now wants to even kind of get into the area of healthcare, health providers, the whole issue between insurance and and insurance and pricing and care and really kind of get the leaders in those communities to talk with one another, to recognize the private sector and the public sector, to recognize the struggle that consumers, us patients, have within that. And it's really about civility.

It's really about bringing, you know, the communities together and working together and listening and supporting and collaborating and solving problems together.

And you can just see her light up. As much as she's struggling or she has an internal struggle, she's frustrated because people won't welcome her in to help her solve the, or help them solve these problems. And I recognize that struggle and that frustration because When you know something that you can do and you can say and you can advise that will solve a great deal of someone else's pain or frustration, and you can get down to economics and say, and even costs and business value, you just want to shake them. You just want to go, why aren't you listening? Why aren't you opening that door and welcoming me at the table? And that is her frustration, her struggle.

That was what she needed to, you know, bear her soul around is just—

and, you know, so we talked about, you know, is it the fact that you're female? Is it the fact that you're a Black female? Is it the fact that you're, you know, very, very intellectually capable? Is it the fact that you're very, very experienced and your resume is one to, you know, be in awe of?

So, we talked about all of that because I could tell that, you know, that frustration was just eating at her. I recognized, fortunately, early into this that she wanted me to just simply allow her to purge, and I did.

And of course, you know, being who the two of us were, It did come to a kind of a point where then I could sense the opening to say, you know, did you want anything from me? Is there anything that I could be doing? And she kind of then opened up to say, no, yet I do have and want your advice on, you know, what ideas you might have for me.

So she thanked me for my ear. That she really was thanking me also for the safe space that I created for her and the trust that she felt in me that I was going to give her that opportunity to be heard.

And we, you know, said to ourselves, you know what, there's got to be a lot of other people out there that are also having that struggle.

So, think about it.

Have you been so passionate and so determined and so knowing in something, and yet it just felt like you were banging your head against the wall? Maybe, maybe you're just— you've repressed and you're keeping something so deep within you that internally you're screaming for the opportunity to, to yell it out, to write it out, to speak it out, whatever the case might be. But you're willing to, you know, you're desperate to want to bare your soul. Maybe you just don't know who or how to go about doing that. Maybe it's just you want something new and different in your life and you're trying to, and you're not quite sure how to articulate it, whether it's you know, the words that you use or the emotions that you express. You don't know how to get it out and therefore not sure of who or where or what to do next. That's what she and I all of a sudden at the end of the conversation said, you know what, I bet you there's tons of people that deal with this. And I— and this would be— this would make for a great dialogue, you know, that the two of us can have, and hopefully between now and next week we can get others to want to engage in that dialogue, whether that's on our, you know, Facebook or Twitter pages, or calling into the program, or sharing their stories afterwards, whatever the case might be. But the two of us just started sharing the fact that We have to recognize that we are mortals, that we need to be able to purge, to be able to bear our souls. While at the same time there is probably numerous opportunities for us to bear witness and yet we do not recognize and/or, and I, you know, and/or, I need to be kind here, and/or we just do not know how to go about doing it.

And so I said to her, I'd like to talk about kind of the, the dos and the don'ts of bearing your soul and bearing witness.

And then yes, let's definitely have this conversation about kind of the fact that we are mortals and we need each other and we need to be able to share and collaborate and, and simply be heard. And so that's what we want to talk about next week, so stay tuned for that. But I'm going to take a brief break, and when I get back, I'm going to get into kind of what exactly is bearing your soul as well as bearing witness, and how do you go about being on either side of that table. How do you bear your soul, and how do you then go about bearing witness? So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions. Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are bearing our souls today, and/or we might be bearing witness to someone who is bearing their soul. We really want you to get an understanding of what each of those, uh, poem roles are and how to go about doing either one of those. And the kind of the dos and the don'ts. At the beginning of the program, we presented you— I presented you a rich question, or asked you to think about a rich question.

A rich question is one that is related to the topic of our conversations today, and it allows you an opportunity to kind of put yourself into the topic, consider for yourself what it is that we're going to—

about to talk, you know, discuss, and figure out, you know, where you fit and relate into that particular topic.

Today it's Bearing One's Soul.

So the question was, if someone was there to bear witness to your soul, what is it you would bear to them?

Now, why this is important is I came across this unbelievable quote, and I could—

I kind of physically responded when I read it. The words are so powerful to me and hopefully to you, but it's from Maya Angelou, and she basically stated, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story." inside of you. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.

When I read that, and I, I did, I physically responded, like, with shivers, I guess I'll call them.

And it was really because it brought me back to when I decided to write my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. I, I was at the point that I had mentioned earlier, kind of, you know, one of those scenarios that would bring you to the point of wanting to bare your soul. I was at that point that I needed to get it out. I wasn't quite sure what it was, I'll be honest with you, wasn't quite sure what it was when I made that decision. I just knew that there was something that I was holding down deep inside of me that I just needed to to get out. And I also recognized that I knew that there would be a lot of other people out there, women and men, old and young, no matter what, you know, economy of scale, what race, what religion, what beliefs, whatever.

I knew that also others would benefit from that.

But I also knew— well, it's not really a but— I also knew that if I didn't that I was, I was killing myself. I wasn't going to die. I wasn't going to commit suicide. I just knew that it would continue to eat away at me and it would continue to wreak havoc not only on myself but everybody around me. And I knew that it could be life-threatening, whether that's from heart, or whatever the case might be.

From drinking too much, from smoking too much, from eating too much, from working out too much, whatever the healers, the comforters that we reach out to when we want to soothe our pain.

So, when I read that quote from Maya Angelou, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you." It really hit home and it really brought to the surface the fact that every one of us needs to be heard.

Because that's what Bearing Your Soul is all about, is being heard, being recognized, being valued, being supported, being comforted. Being listened to.

And listening and hearing are two different things, right? You want someone to listen, but you really want them to hear you. You don't only want them shaking their head listening, you want them to really hear and understand what it is that you're dealing with. Another thing I came across was from Kristi Pikowicz.

I'm sure I messed up that term—

that name—

Kristi Pickwith, PhD. Her business is Meaningful You, and she wrote an article on Psychology Today.

And you can look it up. I will post— get that name and that link posted so you can refer to this article. But of this whole article, there was one sentence, one statement she made that I also thought was critical to this conversation. And that is, sharing ourselves with others opens up a space where there once was none. Sharing ourselves with others opens up a space where there once was none. Think about that. That also just kind of shook me because it's so true. If we— when we hold on to all of our junk, of all of our negativity, of all of our bitches, of our fears, insecurities, our doubts, our negativities, our pain, our shame, our blame, all of it. It takes up so much space within us that we can't fit anything else in. And we— and that's when I'll say many of us, I won't say all of us,—

but it was certainly me back about 9, 10 years ago—

we all of a sudden begin to suffocate under the weight of that junk, of all of that emotion, of all of that fear, pain, hurt, disappointment, shame, guilt.

So, once we can bear witness— or I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Once we can bear our soul, once we can purge, we can actually open up that space because it's now gone. Not to say that we're all of a sudden healed and we have a come-to-Jesus moment, but we now have room within our heart, within our soul, even within our brain because we're no longer holding on to— holding on to things that aren't serving us. And therefore, we now have room for love, for joy, for happiness, for anything else, for peace and comfort, for stability and security, safety, whatever it is that's important to you.

So that statement, sharing ourselves with others opens up a space where there once was none, for me was like a calling card of why I would want to bear my soul regardless of how difficult it can be.

Now, bearing witness— I want to get into, and then I'll get into breaking down, you know, some ideas for you around bearing your soul. But bearing witness is then described as a valuable way to process an experience, to obtain empathy and support, to lighten our emotional load via sharing it with the witness, and and to obtain catharsis. Most people bear witness daily and not only in reaction to traumatic events. We bear witness to one another through our writing, through art, and by verbally simply sharing with others. I was at first confused by that because it made it seem as if it, you know, the whole benefit or the whole experience was that on that person bearing witness. But we'll get into kind of how that's not the case, that, um, there are definitely two distinct roles, there's definitely two distinct purposes, but as a result, there's definitely two very powerful, powerful, um, benefits that come out of that. So let's get into why and when you would want to bare your soul. So as it was mentioned, you know, you could get to the point where you just feel as if you're suffocating. Think about it, the, the probably the biggest examples of one bearing their soul, and it was in such a public, public way and in such a voluminous way, meaning a lot of people, would be the whole Me Too movement, the whole you know, Harvey Weinstein tragedy, and I'm drawing a blank on the Olympic doctor where all the female Olympians came forward and they bared their soul as to the experiences and the tragedies and encounters that they had with those individuals. And All of us got to bear witness to that. But the reason why they needed to do that is because they had gotten to the point where whether it was suffocating them or all of a sudden something that they might have repressed decades ago all of a sudden started swelling and started rising to the surface. You might recall a statement and a belief that I have is, you you know, truth sits on the surface.

Truth sits on the surface.

And the reason why that's, that's relevant and important to me is because the fact that I've recognized we do repress things, you know, how, how dramatic, how traumatic, how deep or how shallow they might be. There are things that we hold down.

Unfortunately, they'll eventually come out.

Now, they may not come out to where you've bared your soul and you've been freed and you've been able to shed and let go and move on. They may come out through, like in my case, just being a tyrant of a bitch and wreaking havoc on people around me. And/or it could be that you're acting out in the— like we talked about, in drinking or taking drugs or working out to any type of compulsion or addiction, working out too much, eating too much, bulimia, anorexia, whatever the case might be. Truth eventually reveals itself, and it's just a matter of how you want it revealed.

So if you are to that point where you want something new, you want something different, you want to be heard, and you want to bear witness I want to— you want to bare your soul.

Let me give you some ideas and some suggestions for doing that. And the first one would be you definitely need to prepare yourself for it. You need to determine if you are at that point of suffocation, of newness and difference that is needed, then just assess your readiness to put it out there. Assess your readiness to, and again, you may not be doing it on a public stage. You might not be doing it in a book or a blog post. You might be doing it across the table with just one individual. At the same time though, we all will deal with fear of doing that, of the person's judgment, feeling shame or blame or embarrassment.

Whatever the case might be.

So, assess your readiness to do it. And if you're not ready, be okay with that. Okay, if you want to do it and if you're that determined to do it, then just spend some time and be gentle with yourself to work your way into being ready for it. And it will also come to identifying the person you want to bare your soul to and making sure that that's the person is someone you indefinitely trust and knows, and you know will be someone who will take their role and their, you know, responsibility seriously and be the person you need them to be. And we'll talk about that in a few minutes. You need to forget about your pride when it comes to bearing yourself. You need to recognize that, you know what, You know, we're all human.

It's like Sharon and I, you know, got to the point where we're like, we're all mortals.

We all have pains as much as we all have joys. We all have successes and we have failures. We all have times where we feel really pretty and times where you really feel like shit. And so you— then you need to kind of let that all go. You need to kind of, you know, take yourself off of the whatever pedestal you might put yourself on, or you might have to drag yourself out of the ground and recognizing, you know, that you don't care what that other person thinks or feels about it, about what it is that you're about to bear, because you just need to do it. You need to identify and be sure that, you know, the reasons that you're doing it are purely for yourself. Are purely almost— I want to say selfish, yet I don't. I want to almost say selfless. I want you to be sure that you're not doing this to gain attention or to get sympathy, uh, or for any other ego-driven reason, that you're doing this because you want that new, that different. You want you. You want to find who you are and let go of the past. You want the present. You want a future.

So be sure that you're recognizing why you're doing it.

And be ready and be prepared for backlash. Now again, if it's with one person, you know, that could be very different. You know, that could, you know, that the intensity of that judgment or backlash, though it should be silent and non-existent in that period of bearing your soul, But when that person walks away, you cannot control kind of how, what they take with them. And you need to be okay with that.

You need to be okay with that.

When I went and I wrote my book, I certainly was going to be sharing stories and encounters and events that were not going to make people happy and were not going to put some people in a good light. I needed to be okay with that. I also, though, and what you would also need to keep in mind is you also aren't looking to hurt anyone, and that's another thing about, you know, really thinking about why you're doing this. It's not for you to hurt someone, so you might want to, and you actually want to, you know, change names, change environments or companies, whatever the case might be, because it isn't about hurting other people. It's not about anyone else. It's about you.

And so you want to kind of minimize any of—

anything that could be hurtful to others. You need to— now, I want to come back and say something in regards to that though.

Since I mentioned the #MeToo movement and Harvey Weinstein and the Olympic medical doctor, there are, you know, times when you have to bare your soul where you have to to hurt the other person.

You have to hurt someone to hold them accountable, especially if it's, you know, it's so dramatic and so to the point of, you know, something illegal. So, or, you know, humanly damaging.

So make sure that, you know, that's understood as well.

Yes, you don't want to, you know, purposely put it out there, but at the same time, there may be a reason. That you're putting it out there, and that's part of understanding why you're doing that. You need to know your limits in your purging. Just because you want to bare your soul doesn't mean necessarily you have to share 100% of what it is. So, I will, you know, use myself as an example. There are situations and encounters that I have— I've had in my life that I did not put in my book. I probably wrote my book about a year and a half, 2 years earlier than what I would have said, you know, 2 years later. I would have put, you know, a bit more in there than what I did because I wasn't ready to disclose and to share certain things. And to this day, there's a, you know, if you were to look at a—

I don't know, a cup, you know, whether, you know, how full it is.

I couldn't even tell you that I— that it would be completely full of my, my stories.

It would be full of my experiences and my encounters. There's still a degree, you know, a few ounces of my experiences, encounters I still have yet to share or, or bear to my soul, to anyone other than my journals. So don't feel that you need to do everything.

Know your limits in regards to it. You also want to, as you're working through, you know, the environment, I'll call it, of where, where and how you bear wit— bear your soul, you want to put yourself in a safe space. Now, I was very impressed to the depth of this discussion that we got into yesterday, Sharon and I, and we were in a public place.

Now fortunately, we had decided I tend to take lunches early, especially if they're meetings.

I like to get out and into a restaurant by like 11:30. So it wasn't anywhere near full as we, you know, got into our conversation, as we got deep into it, and then as we even ended it.

So it gave both of us, but more so her, kind of a safe space.

It was quiet. It was just, you know, not just the two of us, but we were, you know, not being overheard, that kind of thing. So put yourself in a safe space. And then what you need to do is you need to sit down and think about the expectations you have of your witness. And then what you're going to need to do is communicate that to them. Either as you identify them and ask them, or for instance, in the case of even yesterday, it was very spontaneous, at least on my part. Sherry might have come with an idea or a purpose of what it is that she wanted to discuss, and she may not even considered it as bearing her soul, but that's where it led, and that was okay too. And that's when I was— I was happy that I recognized kind of what my role just had shifted into, so then I could just listen and be quiet and be supportive and compassionate. And then waited again until I saw an opening to ask her if she needed anything from me. So as the person who's bearing this role, just, you know, have an idea of the expectations you have of the other person. Especially if you know, especially if you know that they are someone who always wants to fix things, who always wants to, you know, be, you know, the savior, who always wants to be the mother and the supporter and the comforter. And, you know, you might, you know, definitely need to tell them, look, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm just looking for you to sit and listen and not try to fix this, not try to do anything, but that's what I need from you. All right, so if you are ever to a point where you need to bear your soul, those are a few, several suggestions for you, for you in regards to that. We're going to take a last-minute break. When we get back, we're going to talk about bearing witness and then what we're going to talk about next week. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker.va.us. @gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking bearing your soul and bearing witness. And now we want to get into more the role of bearing witness and kind of even the powerful benefits that comes with being that individual to provide an ear and allow someone else to really be heard.

There's power in that, not only for the individual that's being heard, but for you bearing witness.

Because you're now kind of getting on a different plane with this individual. That you might have known for a short period of time or for a very long period of time, and maybe you just have never known that they've been struggling or suffering. Um, and so it's a very powerful role and position to be in when someone chooses you and/or, you know, last minute decides like yesterday, uh, to, you know, bear their soul to you. Um, but you have some specific roles and responsibilities as that witness. And it mainly is of that sounding board, that listener. You're a supporter and a comforter. You're a soother. You're a friend. You're— but a friend that then is just there to allow that person to yell, scream, cry, Cry, laugh, you know, take 5 minutes, take an hour. You're just going to plant yourself and just be there for them and allow them to be heard. Now, one key thing about being heard and listening is they can be very two distinct things.

Someone could sit there and act as if, or listen, act as if they're listening, but doesn't really hear the message or hear that other person's soul, other person's spirit, other person's depth.

So, it's important that you're very present, you're very aware, and you're just very tuned in to that individual because that's what they're looking for is for you not to just nod your head and act as if you're listening to it, but actually to hear them. You don't even need to understand.

You don't need to agree.

And that's another big part is you are not there to agree or disagree, to judge in any way, shape, or form. You're not there to counsel. You're not there to fix things. You are there purely to listen. Now, if there, for any reason, maybe because you know that person, well enough, you may ask them for their expectations if they didn't share them with you upfront, like we talked about when we were discussing the kind of the steps to take if you're going to bury your soul. One of them is to have expectations of the witness and to share that. But if that conversation didn't happen, then it is important for you to then ask that question. What do you expect of me? What do you need from me? Now, they might say, you know, "Well, I'm looking for your advice. I'm looking for your counsel, your ideas." And that's good.

You kind of write, you know, note that and put it aside.

Initially, what you want to do is merely allow them to talk, to be heard. And then, you know, almost like what happened yesterday with Sharon, like when there's a natural kind of pause.

At the very end, or you can ask if there's anything more.

You can then kind of, you know, go back to what they had set expectations for and say, do you want some advice? Do you want some ideas? Did you want some counsel? But you're not there to fix them. So that's a big difference.

They may want some advice or ideas or suggestions or whatever the case might be. But they're not necessarily asking you to fix it for them, so don't even get tempted to do so. You might need to ask some clarifying questions during the conversation, but be careful about what that means.

You're not looking for clarification or details because you're interested or curious or something's juicy.

And you want to get all the details.

You're asking them to provide clarity to them and for them, not for you but for them. And you're asking questions that are open-ended for them to be able to expand on whatever it is that they're bearing. Not questions that are just useless questions for you to be able to talk because you've been sitting there for a while and haven't said a word, but because of the fact that you want to ensure that they're actually, you know, being as rich and full in their bearing as that's going to be beneficial to them as they want to be. All right. One key thing, key, key, key, key thing, and I tend to fall guilty of this, is you're also not there to share your experiences. You're not there to be able to say, "Oh, I can relate," and then go on and tell your story. You're not there to share your story in any way, shape, or form because that's turning the focus on you and taking it off of them. And this is something that you know, you, you know, I am very guilty of because I always, I think, um, not 100% of the time, but I think that someone wants to feel as if someone can relate to them. So if someone says, oh, I'm feeling, you know, I, I, you know, I'm feeling hurt today, whatever the case might be, you know, it's not that it's natural, but I have found, fell, felt guilty to saying, oh, I know how you feel and telling my story. And I've worked my little tail off over the last, you know, 5 years especially to kind of change that and shift that and to simply listen and to hear and to allow that person to sit in their experience. Because that's what they want is they want to be heard. They don't want— they're not looking for you to go, oh yeah, yeah, me too, me too, me too.

Because that takes the focus off of them.

So, you know, you really want to ensure that you're keeping the focus on them and you're simply listening, comforting, and loving them. Now, many of us, I have found when it came to this idea of bearing witness, many of us don't like difficult situations.

They don't like to go into hospitals and and visit someone who's suffering.

They don't want to sit by someone's bedside or visit them at home if, you know, if they've been ill or going through something, you know, very tragic or very, you know, painful. And because they don't know what to say. They don't know, you know, what they could do to make it better. Well, let me just leave you with this. Let me leave you with the fact that Bearing witness is just being. Allowing someone to be heard, to be comforted, to be supported, to be loved, is just being.

So, instead of avoiding that type of difficult, you know, encounter or situation or conversation or, you know, confronting the fact that you have nothing you know, you feel you can say to make it better, then just be.

Just be there.

Go sit, take their hand, whatever the case might be, just be there.

You don't have to say a thing. All right? All right. So, as I mentioned, this whole conversation led into Sharon Williams and I, recognizing that even in this, you know, small short conversation we had yesterday and this opportunity to, you know, be there for one another, that there's many of you who probably feel as if you're supposed to be walking around the world with your head high, your shoulders back, and You're just, you know, out and up, and you have to take on the world without ever bearing your soul, without ever being heard. Every one of us wants to be heard.

So next week, Sharon and I will sit down and we're going to have kind of a conversation.

It's not an interview, it's going to be a conversation. We're going to hear each other, and we're going to allow you to participate, and if you have anything that you want to there, then we, you know, we really want you to call in, 1-818-572-2910 if you want to make a note of it, and allow us to be there for you, for us to hear you. So until then, I hope you all have a beautiful, rich week, and I'll look forward to talking with you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Have a great week, everyone.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.