In this instructional video, the speaker outlines a step‑by‑step approach for addressing bullying and toxic behavior in the workplace. The core message is to avoid reacting impulsively and instead pause, plan, and breathe before confronting the issue. First, select an appropriate time and a neutral location—outside the offending person’s office or in a public space—ensuring both parties are in a reasonably good headspace and that the conversation can happen promptly (ideally within days, not weeks). Second, act with immediacy to prevent silence from being interpreted as acceptance. Third, prepare the dialogue using “I” statements, concrete observations, documented facts, and open‑ended questions to keep the other person from becoming defensive. The speaker stresses the importance of detailed note‑taking (who was present, what was said, impact) so the conversation stays factual. Finally, the speaker briefly explores why people become toxic—insecurities, low self‑esteem, learned behavior, and environmental factors—suggesting that understanding these roots can improve the effectiveness of the intervention.
Chapters
So steps to take, and these are all very important. Don't assume that, oh, you don't need to do 1 and 2, you can just go and dive into it. This is also not the time to react. This is the time to plan. This is the time to pause. This is the time to breathe. That said, in a timely manner. All right, so I'll sum it up like that. But the first thing that you want to do is you do want to pick the right time and place. Say you're sitting in a meeting and someone, maybe your boss, just rips, rips into you for some reason, berates you, demeans you, dismisses you, or diminishes you. In front of a group of people in a room. That is definitely not the time to do anything about it. All right? Say some— a peer that you work with is constantly bullying, is constantly just coming down on you on a regular basis. And, you know, the last instance was just between the two of you., but then they were heated and you were emotionally heated. That's not a good time to do it cuz you're just gonna be reacting. Even when you do identify a time, a day later, a couple of days later, not weeks later, when you do, you'll also wanna assess that exact day and time when it happens, when it comes about. Is that day and time High pressure. Is it— there a deadline on that day? Did they just walk out with maybe with you from a really bad meeting and now they're all worked up? So you also, even though you're gonna schedule the right time and place, you also want to assess as you approach that time and place to see whether or not it's gonna work, whether or not everybody's in a good headspace. Not perfect headspace, cuz remember you're dealing with a toxic person, but a, but a decent headspace to where you can have an effective conversation. Now, when it comes to the place though, you definitely want to do it outside in a neutral space. Now, outside the office, not necessarily, but outside, for instance, your boss's office, outside a team workspace. And they could be outside where you take a walk, outside where you go to a public place, outside to where You go out to the parking lot, whatever the case might be. And number 2 would be ensure the immediacy is there because you certainly don't want to get, get down the road. Even like a week later is not appropriate. People will say to me, well, it's happened a couple of weeks ago. I mean, we can still work to deal with it, but at the same time, the longer it goes, you're basically saying silence is acceptance. And it, it's okay that they behave that way, whether it's to you or you observe something between individuals. As you prepare, even let alone as you sit down and have a conversation, you wanna use, I'll call 'em I statements, but you want to use observations, feedback, concerns, you know, insights. You wanna share with them that. I am concerned. I observed. I recognized that in this situation, you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you want to make sure that you're not coming on in a defensive attack complaining way, because you want them engaged. You want to make sure they're leaning in and not sitting, you know, leaning back and disconnecting. So do whatever you need to do to get them off the defensive. And a key way of doing that is to structure the conversation in a way that is asking a lot of questions and giving them observations and feedback. Okay. And make sure that the observations and feedback, any talking points that you have in regards to this conversation, are documented early on. You don't want to go into a conversation and not have any facts or any specifics, and you can't recall exactly what was said or what was done or who was there, because if so, then all the air just got sucked out of the room and that individual is not going to hear you and not going to care because you can't give them the experience. You can't get them to a place to where that they feel and they live in that situation that they created because you don't have any of the specifics well thought out, well documented, well detailed to where you can, you know, kind of almost verbatim back to them exactly what happened, who was there, what was said, what, what the impact was, so forth and so on. So make sure that when you are also preparing for the conversation, You're getting your talking points laid out in detail. So then you can intentionally think about making those I statements, getting all the details, you know, conveyed, asking the right questions to get the right understanding. Because remember, why are individuals toxic? Insecurities, low self-esteem, uh, learned behavior, uh, environment. Well, you want to understand all of that.
