How to Ask The Right Questions for Powerful Feedback

Do you find it frustrating that when you ask your employees for feedback, they don't give it to you? Do you even question how your bosses or senior leadership feel about your performance? And yet when you ask, all you get is, ah, you're doing a great job. Both giving and receiving feedback is absolutely vital to a business to ensure that everyone, employees and even yourself, have what you need to be successful. But when you ask and you don't get anything back, it can create a lot of stress and anxiety. For employees, they feel like they're not valued, they're not contributing, they feel dismissed and actually not part of the team. And for you, you can feel very much the same way. Yet, have you considered that the lack of feedback is simply due to the questions you are asking or not asking? And what I learned over time is that If you've done something once, let alone twice, and it hasn't worked for you, then you need to do something different. And that's what today's episode is going to be, is a different approach you could be taking, different questions you could be asking to ensure you're gaining the valuable feedback that will impact both you and the business as well as your employees. So keep in mind also, we're going to be talking about why you're not seeking the feedback and what you need to do in order to gain the valuable information you're looking for. Lastly, this information is also very useful for your team members. So feel free to share and even have a discussion around it. So everyone feels a lot better and even safer when it comes to giving and receiving feedback.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shading the Corporate Bitch. The podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm, along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve.

Over the last couple of months, I've spent a lot of time with employees employees and their managers, even senior managers, seeking feedback as far as how can the business ensure that they have what they need and want to be successful. In those discussions, especially with the managers, the first question I'll ask is, "What do they tell you when you ask them for feedback?" The majority of them say, "They just won't say anything." Yet, they'll go off on their own or with their peers, and they will certainly spend time at the water cooler complaining or commenting or raising up issues. But when I ask them, they don't say anything. Another pool of individuals will say, well, I just don't ask. Well, kudos to those of you that are asking because that is what your people want and need foremost, is they need you to care enough that you are going to ask. It gives them the opportunity to be heard, for you to learn, and for you to understand. However, you also need to ensure that they are giving you feedback. Why aren't the rest of you seeking feedback? Well, there are a good number of reasons, one of them being that many of you will say, "I just don't have the time." Well, I can certainly understand that. I think any manager, any leader, even your employees. Can justify the fact that there's just so little time to do anything but the task at hand. Well, as managers/leaders, you need to make the time. You need to block out that space and ensure that, on a regular schedule, that you are asking for feedback. Not only mid-year or end of year, it's proven that The more frequent and the more consistently leaders are asking their people for input to how they can improve their experience, their work environment, their use of their talents and skills, their happiness or satisfaction on the job will absolutely increase employee retention, employee performance, satisfaction, and ultimately all the way down the line to profits of the business. Because they want to be heard and they want to know that you care enough to consider what it is that they need and work your magic to get it done. And if you can't get it done, then all they're looking for is for you to set that expectation and for them to understand that. Another reason why many of you aren't seeking feedback more frequently and consistently is the fact that you don't like conflict. And again, very understandable, who does? At the same time, that is a skill and a valuable trait of a leader that you can easily learn. And you can always go back to ballofirecoaching.com/podcast and you'll find multiple episodes in regards to how to handle conflict. Another one is, I don't know how to address what it is they need. So I don't ask. Now, you're leaders. You're problem solvers. That's what you do on a daily basis is put out fires and find creative, innovative ways to continue to build the business, so to speak, or build your functional responsibility. And so all they're asking is for you to consider doing the same when it comes to supporting them. Another reason why is, I don't know how. I don't know how to give feedback. And there's many of you who struggle to understand how to receive feedback without responding in a certain way. Well, we're going to talk about that in our next episode, so stay tuned. All right? Now, typically, this last reason would come before, I don't know how, because it's an element of it, although it's not all of it. And that is, I don't know what— questions I should be asking to gain the feedback. And that's what this episode is all about, is what are those questions you should be asking to gain very valuable feedback that you and the business as a whole can use to ensure that everyone is successful and it's a win-win. All right. So I want to dive into what specifically those questions should be in order for you to be successful. But before that, I want to discuss some dos and don'ts of asking questions and really seeking feedback from your people. The first do would be ask open-ended questions. Don't ask just yes or no questions. Many of you, when I asked, many of the responses were, "We'll ask and they don't and I'll say, okay, what did you ask? And one of the questions would be, do you have everything that you need? Yeah, is typically the immediate response. When you're asking a yes or no question, they're going to want to answer what they think you want to hear in order to get out of that conversation. So instead of asking, do you have what you need? You might ask, what is it that you need? So it's open-ended and they actually have to provide a response. But we'll get into the more details about the specific questions you could be asking. So ask open-ended questions. Limit, if not eliminate, any yes or no questions. And then you want to ask questions that get to their feelings, get to the emotions, get to the impact the work is actually having on them. Not just the how-to. So don't just ask about the how-to or the process or the, the function, the skills that are required for them to do their job. Ask questions that really get down to their feelings, to the impact that their work, their environment, their collaboration or teaming with others, their experience with you has on them personally, not just Don't ask just for questions that are around the process or the how-to or the function or the skills that they have or don't have. If you really want to understand why an employee is happy or not happy or feels fulfilled or not fulfilled, you have to get deeper into the type of questions that you're asking. All right? So, ask for the feeling or the impact as opposed to just the how-to, or the function. What you want to walk into these conversations with is a mindset and an openness to learn. If you're going to go and seek feedback, seek feedback because you care. Seek feedback because you want to learn. Seek feedback because you really want to be able to give them a platform for them to be heard and them to express what it is that they are experiencing. Too often, far too often, you're asking, just like those managers told me, "Well, I ask and I don't get anything." But it's almost what employees will describe. It's almost as if it's just a checkmark on a list that they have to do this. They were told that they need to be seeking feedback and therefore they ask, but it's not very genuine. It's not very attentive. It's not in an active listening type of of space. It's more like a, you know, just a simple, "How you doing? You have everything?" And therefore, majority of the responses are very plainly, "Yes." Because again, they just want to get out of that conversation because they really don't feel as if you mean what it is that you're asking. And then therefore, you don't really mean to want to hear and learn what it is they want to share with you. The don't here is in no way, shape, or form, don't express how you want them to feel or don't tell them how they should feel. So an example of that would be you're having a conversation with them to gain some information. Oh, and I know that, you know, you must be very frustrated or really tired because you've been working really long hours and required to, you know, work on the weekends lately. Well, you're telling them how they should be feeling. And you're also kind of giving yourself an out as far as you're already expressing to them that you get it, that they might be frustrated and exhausted. Yet you're not really, you know, hearing and learning what that impact is on them that they are feeling those those things. You're just kind of wanting to kind of brush it off and appear as if, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand, I understand you're frustrated and you're exhausted, yet you're not really kind of giving them that opportunity to express how they're feeling exhausted. Because quite honestly, frustrated and exhausted leads to, I'm not really then very attentive at home, or it's causing a lot of stress with my friends and my family, or I don't feel as if I'm being valued and appreciated for the sacrifices and compromises I'm making by working overtime or by working long hours or by doing other people's work. So you really want to ensure you're walking into these type of discussions wanting, truly wanting, and genuinely learning what is going on with your employees. The same should be applying to what you should expect of others, that you're seeking feedback regarding yourself as well. That could be your bosses or senior bosses. Then you want to ask questions for real understanding. There are questions that you could seek for learning, and we're going to talk about those in a minute. Then there are questions for you to really understand what the circumstance is, what the the impact is, what the benefit is, what the need or the want is, as opposed to just learning about it. You really want to truly kind of put yourself in their shoes and understand it. And then you should avoid anything and/or any discussions that— you don't want to, rather, avoid questions and discussions because you just don't want to hear them. And this is Unfortunately, a really big issue and gap with many managers/leaders is they don't ask the questions because they really don't want to hear the responses. They don't ask, "So tell me, how am I doing in my performance? How am I delivering to you what it is that you need?" They don't want to hear, "Well, you're not. You're never around." I don't appreciate the way that you talk to me or talk to us as a team or the fact that I can't reach you on the phone. So many, many, many managers are guilty of avoiding even seeking feedback because they just don't want to hear it. They don't want to really kind of comprehend that their employees may not be happy and satisfied with their own job, but with your job that you're doing. And yet again, it's absolutely critical for you to have that information in order to really make improvements in the business and improvements for yourself as well as for them. All right. So some dos and don'ts there. So what are some of the questions you could be asking? Because we don't want to ask just yes or no. Uh, we want to get more information out of them. And majority of the time, that the managers I've been speaking to have struggled gaining input from their employees is due to the fact that they're asking simple yes or no questions, as I mentioned earlier. What are some of the questions? Some of the questions are more the what, the how, the why, the when, the where. Those all require more depth to a response than just yes or no. So, what do you need in order to be successful? What do you need in order for you to be very efficient and productive? In some environments, in some industries, it's, what do you need to be safe in your role? But, what do you need is much better than, do you have everything that you need? Again, their immediate response is going to go, "Oh, yeah, yeah, I have everything that I need," because they themselves One of the reasons why even managers don't ask for feedback is they don't like conflict. Well, neither do your people. Your people may feel that giving any type of negative feedback, that is kind of a conflict for them, especially based on their styles. I do a lot of work with DiSC assessments to really understand your individual styles and then the styles of those you work with. I know a great deal of individuals who just don't want to have that type of confrontation or difficult conversation, especially with their managers, let alone their senior managers. But, ask the questions that are going to get you some rich feedback. Another question that could be asked is, "What can I do to clarify your role, your responsibility, the expectations I have of you, your goals?" Too often, too often, too often, and this is one area that you must be seeking feedback on. Too often, employees are like, "I just don't know what's expected of me. I don't know what they want and I never can seem to satisfy them, and it's very frustrating." The next question I will ask is, "Have you asked them to clarify that?" Again, your employees struggle with the right questions to ask as well. As much as you struggle to ask the right questions. You can use even this conversation and this list of questions to even share with them to help them craft their own questions back to you or to you initially. What can I clarify for you about your roles, about your goals, your expectations, what I'm looking for from you? What can I clarify for you? You know, that's not a yes or no. You can't even get one from that. You could get, oh no, everything's all good. Well, I want to ensure that it is all good. Therefore, how about you share to me what you believe my expectations are of you or what I'm looking for from you, what your goals are, what your role and responsibility is. Let's make sure we're on the same page. Makes sense? All right. Then you could get down to, you know, more of the feelings that we discussed, right? The do is get down to the feelings, the impact. So you could ask questions like, what causes you frustration in the workplace? What causes you stress? What anxieties do you feel, whether it's on the job, coming into the job? I would learn a lot from individuals when asking this question. You'd be surprised at how many will say, "I don't even like to get up in the morning and have to go into work," even if it's going from one room to the other working from home. Well, I don't know that anybody wants their employees feeling that way, right? You need to ask the questions that will ensure that if they are, you know, frustrated, anxious, stressed, they don't want to get up in the morning, you need to resolve that. Wouldn't you want to resolve that? So if you want to be a leader, you want to resolve that. If you just want to be a manager and get the work done, you may avoid this, you may ignore it. But I'm thinking that if you're here, you're a powerhouse leader or you want to be, and therefore ask the questions that will make sure you understand really what your people are experiencing on a day-in, day-out basis. At the same time, you could be turning these questions into a conversation you could have with your bosses or senior leaders should you need to or want to as well. All right? Now, another great question that leaders should be asking their team members is, what can I do for you? Or what can I be doing for you? To better your job, better your skills, better your talents, better your experience? What can I be doing differently in order to help you be the best that you could be in the workplace? So again, you're now kind of recognizing that there may be things that you need to be doing differently, and that's what they're hearing. And then all of a sudden, they're appreciating the fact that they have an opportunity, you want to actively listen and learn and understand that there may be things that you could be doing differently in order for them to be more successful. This really comes crystal clear when it's around communication because, again, remember, we're all different styles. We all receive and give information and communication differently. We all are uplifted or feel beaten down based on certain modes and methods and, and just behaviors around communication. And so don't assume that how you communicate to one is how you're going to effectively communicate to everyone else and how one responds to you is going to be the same as how everyone else responds to you, because I can tell you right now, I can guarantee you it will not be. It will not be the same. And so there's some people you're turning off and some people you're turning on. And you need to figure out how you learn how each of them needs to be supported by you in order to get the most and the best from your people, and therefore of yourself and of the business. All right? Let's see, what else? What do you need from me? Kind of wraps very nicely with, you know, what could I be doing for you that I'm maybe not? Now, there's— I mentioned in the dos and the don'ts, the dos are you ask to learn and you ask to understand. So a lot of these questions thus far is to learn but also understand. And another couple of other powerful questions you could be asking team members are things that you may not really think about in the day-in, day-out chaos of the workplace and yet, at the same time, could really be enriching what it is that you and the team are working on and working to accomplish. Those things could be simply kind of, "What input do you have regarding X, Y, and Z? How would you handle this situation?" Many employees will say that not only their degree or their education, but more so their experience and their expertise on the job is severely underrated, severely underutilized, meaning that they have a wealth of knowledge, experience, lessons learned, best practices, dos and don'ts of their own, and yet they're rarely, rarely asked. To contribute those into whatever decisions are being made or new initiatives are being considered or decisions that are being put on the table. They're just not being asked to contribute and be a part and be included in some minor to major work projects or initiatives that are going to ultimately impact them as well as the business. If you really want to be leveling up your people, but also your function, the business, and yourself as a leader, is to really ask them those open-ended questions that get to feelings. Here, it could be turning into some how-tos and some processes and skills and talents because now you are asking more academic, more expert, skill-driven type of questions. But you're also asking them to really learn and understand that they may have ideas and solutions and gotchas that you haven't considered yet. And that in itself will certainly increase their feeling of being valued, being included, their ideas being considered, being part of the team, being part of the goals and the growth plan that you have for yourself, your function, and the business as a whole. All it takes if you really, truly want to be approaching your employees and even your peers and your managers for critical feedback that will elevate you as a leader and, therefore, your team and the business, you just need to ask the right questions. And you need to ensure that you're actually planning them out and structuring them in such a way that will get you the answer. And therefore, consider those dos and don'ts, the don'ts being just asking yes or no questions, just asking about the how-to, not necessarily the feelings or the impact, asking questions that simply will give you information that you want versus hearing what you don't want. Just really take some time and plan out the type of questions you want to be asking to gather feedback. Now, I'll often get— and I wanted to make sure that we discuss this as well— I'll often get, "Well, I can ask them all of these wonderful, rich, open-ended questions, and they still kind of sit there and shrug their shoulders or just don't give me anything." Well, at that point, As I actually told many, many employees and managers over the last several weeks, because it pertains to you as well, is if you're not giving the feedback and you are staying quiet and not saying anything, well, silence is acceptance. And therefore, you certainly can't be going off and complaining or creating havoc or stirring the pot. Or creating swirl at the, you know, water cooler, so to speak, if you're not willing to own up and address and confront that feedback that you may have when asked. It's appropriate that if you're not ever asked, those things are going to occur. But if you're being asked and you're not giving anything back, Well, you're only hurting yourself and your supervisor, team, and business. And therefore, you really need to take a hard look and support either your team members, making sure they understand those things, but also yourself and your bosses and peers if they're also not contributing. But everyone has a role to play in ensuring that feedback is given. In order to improve and uplift and enrich and elevate everyone in the workplace. And if there's any certain people, places, or situations where it's not happening, well, then your stance to that would be silence is acceptance. And therefore, if you don't say anything, then you can't be going off and raising issue elsewhere. So all you need to do as a leader is make sure you have that list of questions that you could be asking. Now, how can you be addressing the other reasons why you're not? The conflict, I don't have time, I don't even know how to solve the, solve the feedback or address the feedback that's given to me. We're going to talk about that on our next episode. All right. And I would love your feedback and your comments and any additional questions you've, you have found or you have used that would enhance and improve the feedback being received. So feel free to go to my LinkedIn page at Bernadette Boas and leave comments anywhere you see the quotes or the actual video or audio of this episode. And I would love to hear your feedback. And if you have any questions, pose them there as well, and I'll be sure to get a response to you. All right? All right. So thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me this week, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next week. Take care, everybody. Bye.