How to be a Powerhouse Working Mom. Happy Mother's Day!

It is Mother's Day week here at Shedding the Corporate Bitch and Ball of Fire Coaching. And we are going to spend some time talking to those working moms, especially, who really need to hone in on these 3 key core tips and strategies in order for you to be the powerhouse that you're meant to be at work and at home. But Happy Mother's Day. Be sure that you are taking care of yourself and celebrating you all week long, all month long, all year long, all life long. And just know from someone who's a four-legged mom, Happy Mother's Day. You are so, so appreciated. So let's have a great conversation.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shading the Corporate Bitch. The podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve.

I can't tell you how excited I get when it comes to this particular episode of the year when it has to do with Mother's Day. Whether it falls on Mother's Day, the episode, or not, I celebrate all week long, all month long, all lifelong, and I hope you do too. And why I love it is it started as a ritual with my own mother. And my sisters who are moms, where the week of Mother's Day week for the last, wow, 15, 18 years, we would spend down at the beach in Ocean City, New Jersey for about, it started off as 3 days and then grew into 10, and we would just simply celebrate each other. At the same time, we had the opportunity to celebrate those moms, and I would actually broadcast live from I'm there with my sisters and my mother surrounding me and contributing to the conversation. And so in this episode, I want to definitely show my appreciation and my love for my own mom's sisters and my mother. And at the same time, share some stories because this particular year is extremely also very special. And therefore, this will be a memorial to my mother as well. As an opportunity for you to really get some tips and strategies for how you could be that powerhouse leader at work and at home, even with all the responsibilities that you have, especially that of a mother. All right. My mother, it would have been 10 years ago today or this week, and that she has passed. And I'm also wearing a chain that my grandmother gave me when I was 17. So that's very, very, very many, many, many years ago. And so I have moms wrapped all around me, all around me today. But what I want you to be thinking about is what, as a mom, do you want for yourself? What is a mom as a leader at work and at home, in your community, amongst your friends? What is it you want to be achieving this one life you have to live that goes really, really fast? This really hit me doing my show live with my sisters and my mom at the beach during Mother's Day week. I would say it would have to be 11 or 12 years ago, maybe the year before my mother passed. And so the camera's up, the mic is live, and I'm having a conversation with all of you. In regards to setting goals and having dreams for yourself as a mom. Because moms, as we all know, they always put everybody first before they put themselves first. And yet at the same time, they really need to also recognize that they have dreams and passions and goals for themselves. And so I'm having this conversation as my sisters, at least 4 4 of the 5 are kind of hanging out on the periphery. And my mother was in her chair. And all of a sudden, as I'm having this conversation, I hear sniffling, like someone's crying. And actually it was multiple people. And I'm thinking, what in the world is going on? Yet I wasn't going to kind of call it out right then and there. And we were live, so I definitely didn't want to be doing that. So we ended the show, turned off everything, and I turned around and there were two of my sisters, the two older of me, and they're standing there in tears and I'm like, what in the world is going on? And both of them basically just said, I don't know what you mean or how to do it when you talk about that I should have goals for myself. That I should have dreams and passions of my own and to be selfish in making sure that I do have that. That just absolutely floored me when I heard that and when they expressed that and I could see, you know, kind of the look of both uncertainty, but at the same time excitement. And that's what I was— that really got my juices going was they were excited about that. And so I said, well, let's have a conversation. You know, let's get into it even further, which we did. And that's why the whole Mother's Day week episode conversation always brings me such great memories and joy from not only what we're doing here, but especially from the past experiences that I've had around this subject. So the first thing that I would want for you is for you not to have all of a sudden, maybe because you're an empty nester, maybe because you're going through some sort of challenge in your life, maybe because you are getting to the point where you're about to retire from work. I want you to right now make a commitment around the fact that you should have, or if you do, you need to acknowledge your goals, your dreams, your passions, your wants and desires, for this one life that you have. And it's totally okay, which is what I expressed to my sisters, totally okay if outside of the workplace where business goals and metrics and deadlines are very common, but they're always so focused on the business. I would just want you to commit that outside of work, you would really take time to sit down and think about what it is that you want and what goals that you you could have for yourself, whether you're 25, 50, or 75. What are those goals? What are those passions? What are those dreams that you have? And so if you haven't had them before and you're not even sure where to get started, as my sisters weren't, you know, let me share this. First off, there's a methodology out there. You could always Google if you haven't already heard about it called the SMART goal methodology. And I kind of put my own Bernadette spin on it and I call them the SMARTIE methodology. And why that is, is the acronym of SMART to begin with is that your goals need to be specific. So the S, they need to be measurable. Uh, they need to be actionable. So that's the S-M-A. They need to be, I say they need to be I'm drawing my blank. They need to be realistic. And many people will say relevant as well in the art. And then they need to be time-bound. Well, then I add the why. And what would you think the why means? And it's not, why are these goals important to me? Although that's really, really smart. And therefore, it's added to the SMARTIE. But actually, the why, in my perspective, is you. The why is actually you. You need to ensure that these SMART goals have you embedded and weaved all over them. They should be your goals, not your goals for your children or your, you know, partner, spouse, or your family or community, or even work. They need to be your goals for yourself. And that's why I find the why at the end is really, really important when I talk with my clients to ensure that they don't go right down the rabbit hole of, oh, well, I want my children to be happy and I want my, you know, relationship with my partner spouse to be full of love. No, no, that's for everybody else. That's not you. I want it to be for you. So the one thing, you know, that you could do for yourself that doesn't take much time or effort is to simply acknowledge that you want to get ahead of it. You want to get ahead of all of a sudden having that aha moment where you're like, oh my gosh, I don't have goals and passions for myself. And therefore, what can you do now? You can sit down and draft out your SMARTIE goals. Make them as specific as possible. Make them as measurable as possible. Make them actionable, meaning you have to have that to-do list that is specific to you accomplishing that goal. They have to be relevant. And when I say relevant— when I say realistic, I'm sorry, whether it's small steps along the way and it takes a while for you to get there, or whether they're big steps because all of a sudden you're taking on something new and you put yourself all in. And you are making some big accomplishments and big actions, but I just want you to be sure that they're realistic to what you've done in the past and/or what you are capable of doing based on time, based on availability, based on monies, based on physical capability, so forth and so on. And then of course, everything needs to be time-bound. Now, typically when people come to me, and they wanna start working on their goals personally and professionally. And majority of the time it starts professionally cuz I am a corporate coach and trainer. They first start going right toward their business goals, even their personal slash business goals, meaning, okay, I wanna be, I wanna advance and be in this new position 6 months, 12 months from now. And so that's what I would've referred to as a business personal goal. But majority of the time they're very much focused on, you know, trying to come up with goals for their team, for their bosses, for everyone else other than themselves. But more importantly, I want them, even though we start there, I want them then to say, okay, so what are those 1 to 3 goals that have nothing to do with work that, you know, you could be looking at from maybe a financial perspective, a relationship perspective, your spirituality, your social life, your physical fitness, your health and nutrition, so forth and so on. What are those things that maybe are on a bucket list somewhere that now you need to be kind of actionizing and making them something that is current that you are pursuing and you want to be achieving now? So what are those 1 to 3? And then just go through that, that SMARTIE methodology. And you can find a lot of detail online in regards to the SMART methodology, but you can also go to ballofirecoaching.com. And you'll find multiple references to SMARTIE goals, both in our podcast, so on our podcast page, as well as in our main page on the website. Okay, so have some SMART goals. So you want your SMARTIE goals. The first thing that any mom, working mom especially, can do in order to really ensure that you are taking care of yourself, which we're going to talk about even more in a minute. At the same time, you're proactively and effectively and right now going after the goals and the dreams and the passions that you have for yourself. All right. So the second one would be self-care. There is nothing more important for you, for anyone, but especially moms to be really taking care of themselves. First, even before everyone else. So if you've been on a plane lately or over the last, you know, 50 years, you will hear that the announcements all always address, put the mask on yourself first before helping others. The reason for that is because you need to be conscious. In that particular example, you need to be conscious first in order to be able to help anybody else. And the same is true in life, is you aren't able to be fully there, fully present, fully you, unless you take care of yourself first before you're helping everybody else around you. And I know that's very, very, very hard for many moms out there. The example of my two sisters, you know, sitting there sniffling. Behind me when I was talking about them having goals and dreams for themselves. And yet at the same time, I will share that when they had that realization, that aha moment for themselves, they started working on defining those goals and those passions and those hobbies and those activities that they want for themselves only. And I can't tell you the transformation that took over. In their personal and business life in the short months following. And the same, you know, would happen and can happen for you is taking that time. We've already talked about the goals, but now taking the time to really take care of yourself first so you can be your best at work, at home, in the community, with your friends, in just life as a whole. So how do you take care of yourself? Well, go back to your goals. What's most important to you? I mean, there's so many ways to take care of yourself, whether that's your health, your nutrition, your fitness, your financial standing, your social life, uh, your love life, your spiritual life. You know, there's so many. What are those hobbies and those activities and those traits maybe that you loved growing up and yet life got in the way and you've put them on the on the back burner. But what are those things that really would bring you joy and bring you happiness? At the same time, when it comes to self-care, you also need to go inward more so even than go outward to the external, which is what we've been talking about. What are those passions and those hobbies and those activities and those adventures you could be going on that would provide you joy and happiness and fulfillment and excitement about your work or your life. But the real work also, and the real self-care comes when you really go inward, really understand who you are, what you want, what you don't want, what brings you joy, what brings you down. And in my wor— world and the work that I do, whether that be with whether it be with entrepreneurs, even with family members, I really leverage, I have them leverage our Shift to Riches formula to really help them what I call excavate their soul and uncover who it is they really are and who they want to be. That also feeds into their goals, but more so takes care of fueling themselves with it. And so the 5 steps of our Shift to Riches Formula is at a high level, discover, confront, and shed so you can create and accelerate. And so moms pay attention, working moms, stay-at-home moms, but pay attention because this 5-step tool can be used on a daily basis very easily. And yet have powerful, powerful transformative results for you in your life. And so Discover. Discover is just what it sounds like. Discover everything there is about yourself. Again, we're going inward. So ask yourself those questions. Who am I? Who am I not? Who do I want to be? Who do I not want to be? What are my dreams? What are my passions? What are my needs? Needs and wants? What are my desires? What are my values? What are my beliefs? What lifts me up, but what pulls me down? What brings me joy, but what brings me misery? And all of these things, as you're looking at them, are not only the internal, what we call bitches here, your fears, insecurities, doubts, and negativities, but I also want you to discover your riches within yourself. What are those traits and qualities and values and beliefs, even your experience and expertise and all the skills, all those others that really make you the beautiful, in this case, working mom that you can be. So you just spend time really digging, digging, digging, digging into all of that. At the same time, you do have to look at the external factors. So we looked at the internal. Now we're going back to the external. Because the external factor, when you start asking what brings you joy, what brings you down, what inspires you, what drains you, there's a lot of externals. There's people, there's places, there's things that you also need to really come to justify or come to Jesus with and be really honest with yourself about whether or not the things that you have in your life, the things that you have in your life, they could even be possessions, are giving you what you want? Are bringing you joy or are they bringing you despair? You know, are they lifting you up or are they pulling you down? Are they, you know, making you excited or exasperated? So the Discover phase is really just why I call it excavating your soul as a totality. Is really just going in and being brutally honest with yourself. Because you don't have to share this with anybody else. So just be brutally honest with yourself. And it's such a form of self-care that rarely do I find individuals, whether that is in the business world or in one's personal world, whether it's at a staff level or an executive level, They rarely ask themselves those tough questions. So the discover phase, and then in the confront, you're going to do just that. You're gonna confront the good, bad, and the ugly. You're gonna justify, as I mentioned, you're gonna validate, you're gonna confirm, you're going to make decisions about whether or not the bitches in your life, you know, you wanna shed or the riches in your life you wanna hold onto. And in the shed phase, the next phase, you want to then actually act on those decisions that you've made. I either wanna shed the people, places, things, or internal bitches that are not making me that powerhouse leader mom that I wanna be, or I'm going to, you know, hold onto them and make sure that they're feeding and enriching who I am and who I want to be as I move forward. So discover, confront, and shed. And then as you do anything where, you know, meaning as you do anything that really gets you excited and that you are really focused and attention put to anything can really generate a lot of activity and results for you. Well, as you are going through the discover, confront, and shedding phase and you are realizing what it is that you truly, truly, truly want and who you truly, truly want to be. All of a sudden, you want to create new, bigger, better, different than what you've had in the past because you're now feeling and experiencing and growing in such new ways that you just want to start creating something different, something new. And so the Create phase is all about going back and looking at those goals, those dreams, those needs and desires and wants. Whether or not you recognize them before or not, or they're new, and now you're starting to create them. And if they are, you had them in the past, but you want to change them up, you know, the Create Phase is a great opportunity for you to do that. And then of course, it's almost like, ladies, we can relate to this. If, you know, it's just like when we're on a diet or a fitness program and, you know, we start losing weight or we get faster in our running or we get more fit. From a, you know, strength perspective, you know, we wanna just accelerate it. We want more. And therefore the accelerate phase is all about really putting the pedal to the metal and just accelerating the results and the growth that you're experiencing. And so there's no better form of self-care than really kind of excavating your soul, learning all about you. And again, I don't care if you're 25 or you're 75, 85. Until you are, you know, in the grave, you want to be learning about you and really getting closer and closer to your true, true, true, true, true self. And it is a fabulous, fabulous experience. I've spent the last 12 years going through my own excavating of my soul. Getting closer and closer and closer to who I truly, truly, truly want to be. I won't say that I'm, you know, 100% there yet because you know what? I always want to be bigger, different, newer version of myself. So I never want to stop growing. And so the closer I get, you know, then I start creating new, bigger, different. So you can as well. So consider, you know, as you had your goals, you your SMARTIE goals defined, and now you're starting to work on the self-care aspect. You could even swap the two if you wanted to. Start with the self-care first and let that feed your goals. At the same time, people have difficult time kind of starting to dig in and kind of face themselves in the mirror, so to speak. And so I often with my clients have them start on, okay, let's just get practical and lay out your SMARTY goals. And then we're going to leverage all of that information that you're learning about yourself and you're kind of acknowledging and committing to. Now let's use it to really work on the self-care aspect. And then lastly, what I would suggest to any of you moms out there, because again, your world is completely chaotic. From those of us like myself who are single. I have four-legged children, but that's really my degree of obligation. Yes, I have family and friends and community and my work. So I do have a lot of responsibilities, but it's nothing like being a mom. And I won't even pretend that it is. It's different. And so I have high, high, high regard and respect for moms and especially those working moms. So the next thing you really want to be focusing on for yourself is stop trying to strive for balance. There is no such thing as balance. People would love you, you know, to think that you can all of a sudden get here, you know, between your work and your life. And for those listening, I'm kind of doing a pendulum of balance. There's no such thing. Instead, focus on blending all of your responsibilities, all of your roles, all of your passions, all of your goals and your dreams into a life structure that provides you that opportunity to take care of yourself, take care of everyone else around you. So that's the practical, right? But then also just to really experience joy, fulfillment, pride, happiness, love, accomplishment, achievement. There's nothing wrong with that, even ambition. And so stop worrying about balance and focus on blend. Stop worrying about perfectionism and start working on just taking action and living. And once you do and you really start leaning in to your goals and your passions, wants, dreams, and desires. And then you're taking care of yourself by even getting in touch with who you truly are. You will find the priority and the almost, I don't want to call it desperation, but that's the first thing that's coming to my head of wanting to find that blend because you're, you're getting to a point in your life. Where you're not only feeling peace and calm as a result of all that work that you're doing, but you're also finding all this excitement and desire to, to get out there and be adventurous. And so, you know, you want to kind of feed all that and leverage all of that into finding the blend in life that will bring you the most happiness and fulfillment and joy that you want for yourself. And so On this Mother's Day week that we're celebrating, I just want to say that I so appreciate just what it is and what it takes for you to have that blend, for you to keep all of those balls up in the air, for you to really be you within all the different roles and responsibilities and functions that you have and the people tugging at you. And I sit back and I just watch in awe. I just need to let you know that I watch in awe as I experience, especially women in the workplace that are trying to blend and manage all of that work that home brings them as well as the office brings them, and therefore finding that blend and that place where they feel the most fulfilled. So to all the working moms out there, the working powerhouse leaders that you are in your work, in your life, happy Mother's Day. And just keep in mind, you deserve all the goals, dreams, passions, wants, and needs that you have for yourself. You deserve to take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else around you. And lastly, to find that blend in your work, in your life that brings you such joy and fulfillment and purpose and value. And so you can be that powerhouse woman that you already are and create the riches in life and work that you deserve. So if you ever need to, and should you have any questions or challenges or want some support in implementing anything that we've discussed today, then be sure to reach out to me. Book a call at coachmebernadette.com/discoverycall and let, let me give you some tips and strategies and sometimes tough love in order for you to really create those riches you deserve. All right. Happy Mother's Day. I'll see you back here soon.