How to be Persistent vs. Perfect!

Do you want to strive for perfection or progress? How about perfection versus persistence? I want to talk to you today about striving for persistence versus perfection, because perfection is just driving you and everybody around you crazy and anxious and stressed and burned out and unhealthy, and it's not helping you to actually achieve the goals that you want to be achieving. So let's talk about tips and strategies, the dos and the don'ts, and the pros and the cons of both persistence and perfection. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm, along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Over the last couple of weeks, I've had a couple of conversations with clients who have opportunities sitting in front of them. And they are constantly questioning and doubting themselves whether or not they are ready to take on those new challenges. And so my first question when any of my clients are dealing with such a stressor is, what do you feel you need in order to be ready? And they will give me a laundry list of all of the job functions, tasks, responsibilities, skills, and qualities of the role that they would be going into as deficits of what it is that they have right now to offer to that position, to that role. And so I would ask them, well, if you had all of those skills, all of those experiences, all that expertise, all of those qualities, then aren't you shortchanging yourself by going to that position versus the position after that? Because if you're already there, then what's the challenge? What's the newness? What's the difference? What's the bigger and better taking on that, that different opportunity? Think about it. If you are 100% ready for something, then you're going after the wrong thing. You're not shooting far enough, high enough. But instead of shooting far enough, high enough, try to tame and try to understand just what is absolutely necessary for you to just be okay with the progress and the success and achievement you've had to date that will then contribute and lend itself to that next position. If you knew 100% of what it is you need to know when going into a new position, Then again, that position isn't going to give you any opportunity to learn and grow if you already know 100% of it. Thinking that you need to checkmark off every single attribute and skill and experience and degree of expertise for the position you're going to, where that's supposed to be your learning ground, that's supposed to be your challenge, that's supposed to be the new, bigger, better, different. Then get real and get comfortable with not being so perfect and so ready before you ask for it. Let's look at perfection and persistence, and you tell me which one you'd prefer really striving for. Okay, so perfection is all around being flawless. Being without mistake, without failure, and really kind of having excessive, excessive high standards. And the key thing here is not only for yourself do you have those excessive high standards, but then you pass them on and put pressure on the people around you to have those same high standards. And you have to ask yourself, Is that really fair? Is that really right that I can expect all my other team members to have that same level of standard, of performance, of contribution? I would hope that you would say no, because right now I'm losing my breath just thinking about it. It's exasperating to think how some of your team members could handle the high standards that you hold yourself to as a perfectionist. Okay. Now, the real negative around being perfect. First of all, none of us are perfect. None of us can be flawless. You could look at me right now and, you know, the wrinkles and the You know, the hairline and whatnot is far, far from perfect, from flawless. And yet if I focused and consumed myself with needing to be, to get rid of those wrinkles, to grow back my hair into my hairline, I would be absolutely probably broke. First, but also exhausted. And just think about what that does to your insides, let alone the people around you. Think about what that does to your insides if you're constantly questioning and self-hating on the lack of being flawless. That would be absolutely debilitating. And that's what you're doing to yourself if you're always striving to be perfect. Let alone the fact that perfectionism increases, you know, your risk of anxiety, depression, horrible health, definitely a pressure on your heart, on your cardiovascular system. And yet even just the fear of failing can be completely debilitating for those that are struggling to be perfect. Because everybody fails, everybody makes mistakes. You can't get through this life without doing something wrong, without missing a deadline, without making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, totally, you know, screwing up on something that you were responsible for doing. And again, without failure, you don't have creativity, you don't have innovation, you don't have new, different, bigger, and better, for sure, if you're not willing to fail even on the big stuff. So think again too as to if you're putting that type of pressure also on your team members and you're teaching them and you're modeling to them that they can't fail, they can't make mistakes, they can't do anything wrong. They can't say the wrong thing. Just imagine. I mean, put yourself in their shoes. It's one thing if you're dealing with it, but then projecting that onto your team members who are absolutely critical to getting the job done for you to be successful, then just imagine the anxiety and the depression and the stress and the burnout and the ill health that that they're experiencing, that you're putting on them. And that's not what you want. I don't know a leader in the world as driven to perfection as possible. I don't know anyone who says, "Oh yeah, I want to totally stress out my team members. I want to totally cause them to be burned out and be unhealthy and not taking care of themselves. I want to totally—" you know, have them scared of making mistakes, taking chances and risks, creating something new, saying something wrong. Oh yeah, I want that. No, no, that's no. So why do you want it for yourself? Why do you allow it for yourself? Because ultimately what it will do is it won't only destroy you, but it will also strain, if not destroy, your relationships. At work or at home. It has to, because no one's going to meet your standards, let alone you meet them. Progress, or in this case, in our conversation around persistence, is something that is very doable, very achievable, very healthy, very confidence-building, and very success results-oriented. So let's talk about persistence. Persistence is that stick-to-itiveness. I love that word, stick-to-itiveness. You know, it's just that having a goal and being fiercely, fiercely focused on taking the steps needed to achieve it, making the sacrifices, making the compromises, doing the learning, making the mistakes, failing. Doing all the things that you need to do to ultimately achieve that goal, but always staying persistent no matter what the challenges are, the hurdles are, the highs and the lows, the emotional roller coaster that your career or your home life might put you in. Persistence is all about kind of building that mindset and that confidence within yourself. That no matter what you're confronted with, you can overcome it, you can tackle it, and you can achieve it. And that degree of confidence, that certainty, that determination, that faith is extremely grounding, not only for yourself but for those around you. And if you're modeling persistence versus perfection, then you're modeling a very healthy, a very optimistic, a very positive, a very success results-driven leadership style, as opposed to the stress and the anxiety and even the depression that your high, excessively high standards of perfectionism wreaks. On yourself and those around you. So persistence is a beautiful, beautiful thing that for not only yourself, but for your team members, is and should be what it is that you're striving for and you're working toward, as opposed to perfection. So let's talk about some tips of how you can be persistent and even what then not only do you model, but you also train or educate or mentor/coach your team members to also be persistent. To start with anything, quite honestly, is you first have goals, whether they are the ones dictated or directed to you in the workplace or they're also the ones that you add and complement to your other goals. That address both your personal, professional leadership type of aspirations and areas that you want to grow into. So have goals. All right. Now you can use the SMART methodology that is well known out there, and you can just Google that and find that, or you can go back to our episode 316. That was in January of 2023, and learn all about our SMARTY goal methodology. So it's a kind of a blending of the SMART methodology with some of my own take as far as what I feel is important when it comes to defining your goals. All right. The next thing is that mindset, to work on that mindset for yourself and your team members. Work on really building resilience. And positivity and confidence and determination and that stick-to-itiveness. If you don't focus on your mindset, because I know many, many, many people until about 10, 12 years ago, I never really thought about what my mindset did to the way I projected myself, the way I walked out into the world, the way I showed up at work. Never thought about it. But, if you can get yourself focused and even your team focused on really building a very powerhouse mindset, all focused around persistence. It's a game changer. All right. Have your goals, work on the mindset, create a plan. So you take those goals and you don't want them to just be wishes. You want them to be a plan for execution and therefore put together a plan for you to achieve whatever those business, personal, professional leadership goals are that you defined. Okay? Create a plan and, again, stick to itiveness, right? The next one would be to practice mental toughness, practice discipline. So back in earlier this year, I did what's called the 75 Hard Challenge. It's a mental toughness challenge. For 75 days, you have 10 tasks. And really, it's centered around— as much as there is some physical fitness, health, and nutrition, personal development elements to the challenge. It really is about mental toughness. Can you make the sacrifices, make the compromises, stick to and be persistent around accomplishing these 10 tasks each and every day for 75 days? It does create a huge foundation for discipline. And so I took that on because I too wanted to learn and grow and really continue to work on my own mindset, and in this case, mental toughness. And sad to say that on day 75, I had an incident at my house involving a dog that needed attention and landed me up in the ER for the rest of the day. And therefore, I failed at accomplishing my one task of a workout that evening. So that is that. However, the mental toughness of sticking and being persistent for those 72 days has been life-changing. And so see what you could do to build into your day practices around discipline and mental toughness. All right. And then what I love to share with people is learn how to love, embrace failing. Learn how to just put yourself in situations, ask for those projects or those tasks or those positions that you never would have asked for. And be okay with making a mistake, being rejected, having a no said to you, failing at whatever it is that you set out to do. I don't consider my 72 of my 75 days failing. The challenge does. They say you don't do one of the 10, and you failed out, but I never looked at it that way. I simply looked at it as an experience that ended too soon, but I gained so much from it that I didn't fail. I just happened to not do one of the tasks and therefore didn't meet the expectation of those 75 days goal. So learn to love failing. If you could do that, it will be life-changing for you. Okay. Next thing would be to find the support that you need around you to stay as persistent and mentally tough as possible. That could be your friends, your family, your team members, your boss. It could be a mentor. It could be a coach. But find that support system that if you have goals in mind and you really want to achieve them, and you have been working on your mindset and put together that action plan and now you're practicing, you know, being mentally tough and not fearing failing, then ensure that you have the team around you that can help you when you are having those days where you're questioning yourself or you're not motivated or you're just even beating yourself up for something. Okay? Especially you perfectionists. It's a big shift to get out of that mindset and get more into a mindset of persistence. So have that support system and then make sure you're taking care of yourself. It is said often, but it can't be said enough. Get sleep, stay hydrated, work on that self-care, that personal development, that mindset work. Do the things that bring you joy and bring you peace and calm. Get rid of the noise around you, being people, places, or things that are not helping you to be as successful or as authentic or as persistent as you want to be. All right. And then be flexible. Find flexibility in your life. Perfectionism— those individuals often are very boxed in because anything outside their box is going to put them at risk. Of it not turning out the way they want it to be. So learn to be flexible, let your guards down, let your walls down, let that box open up and allow you to take on new things, try different things, be bigger and better and different and newer in anything and everything that you do. Okay? So as important as it is to understand what you could be doing to be persistent, I do want to touch on what is absolutely necessary for you to kind of let go and kind of shed, as we say here, shed your feeling of perfectionism. Okay? So here's some things that you could do. First, really become self-aware, really dig deep. I call it excavate your soul around why is it you you feel you need to be perfect or you need to be unfailing or you need to have everything a certain way. Why is that? What is it within yourself that is forcing you, causing you to physically, emotionally, mentally, and then action-oriented-wise feel like you have to be perfect? Find out why, what it is about, you know, yourself that is causing you to do that. Are there people involved or experiences that you've had? Were you told when you were young something that really kind of jarred you and forced you to think, okay, then I need to change my ways and I need to work toward being absolutely perfect in whatever it is that I do. But really dig deep and become self-aware as to why, what, who, where, when, all of it. Okay. Also, we've all made mistakes. If we've been on this earth for any amount of time, we've all made mistakes. So do an inventory, do an inventory of those situations, those encounters, those tasks, those projects, whatever, of which you've made a mistake, you failed, you didn't accomplish, whatever the case might be. Take an inventory of them and sit with them, and then look at how did you feel when those things happen. And then did you survive? Did you get through it? Did you overcome them? Because most likely, if you get them out of your head and put them onto a piece of paper and really look at them, you're gonna probably find that they're not as damaging or destructive or life-altering as you're making them to be within your own mindset. Okay, putting them down on paper in black and white just takes a lot of the energy out of them and makes you kind of realize, you know what, I've made a lot of mistakes and I've survived, I've even thrived. And therefore, why am I afraid of making a mistake? Why am I afraid of failing? Look at what I've learned. Look at what you've learned from those mistakes, those, you know, missed deadlines, those falling short of your goal. What did you learn from them? Just like my 75 Hard Challenge, I was journaling along the way and I was making note of how I was feeling, what I was experiencing. And on that last day, I didn't write that I failed and I'm a loser. I wrote, damn, just 3 days shy.. And I kind of celebrate the fact that I made it to 72 days and that it did teach me so much about my own mental toughness, my own mindset, my own persistence. Okay. So really dig into the mistakes you've made, take an inventory and kind of look at them for what they are, the impact that they had on you, the fact that you're still here, you're still standing, you're still going strong. And what did you learn from them? So then it doesn't, it doesn't feel so heavy when you want to let your guard down and not be so perfect. And you might just actually have a flaw or two. You know what? It's going to be okay. And that brings me to my next tip is not only self-aware and identifying the why and/or identifying the mistakes that you've made, but also learn to love yourself. Perfectionism is about fear. It's about fear of not only failure and making mistakes and rejection, but fear of you being authentically you with all your beauty marks and your warts, because we all have them. We all have them. So learn to just love and appreciate yourself for exactly who you are. No matter what those qualities and traits and characteristics are. When you get there, your perfectionism will disappear. Okay? And then make sure— remember the goals we talked about with your persistence? Well, make sure you're looking at the big picture, not right now, not here and now, and therefore you're so intensely focused on making sure that all the i's are dotted, t's are crossed, every word is perfect, which I should have mentioned with the negatives around perfectionism is perfectionism, as much as you want to be flawless and you have all these high standards, perfectionism also causes procrastination and a major issue with time management. You know, because you're so scared of asking, you're so scared of starting, you're so scared of changing because it's not going to be as perfect as you want it to be. And therefore, you're kind of just totally taking out all the wonder and opportunity and, you know, what if, out of some newness that wants to come into your life, into your world. So learn to embrace the long term. And where you're, you're trying to get to, as opposed to all the, the steps in between and making sure they're absolutely right and in place and perfect, because that's exhausting. That's absolutely exhausting. Embrace the long term. All right. And then make sure— it's going to sound contradictory to what I just said. But make sure you're just appreciating the moment. Don't stay in the past hung up on, you know, the bad relationships or the mistakes you made in the relationships or the mistakes you made in the workplace or with a friend, whatever. It's not going to change anything. It is in the past. It is what it is. You can change how you go forward, but you're not going to change the past. So why spend time there? And then We've all learned at some point in our life that our lives can change in a snap of a finger, in a moment. And therefore, what's the use of trying to be perfect for that? Just focus on now, being you. You're already perfect just the way you are. So just focus on right now and feel a lot of the stress and the anxiety, even that depression depression that we talked about, the fear of failing, just kind of shed away because you're not lost in the past and you're not stressed over what's going to happen 5 minutes from now. It's just what you have right now. Okay? Persistence is a much healthier, satisfying, fulfilling place to be than perfectionism. And not only for yourself, for your people. So be easy and graceful to not only yourself but your people, and learn to be persistent and to shed away anything around being perfect. All right, so just to recap real quickly is around perfectionism is to have your goals, work on that mindset, create a plan around those goals and that mindset, that mental toughness, practice discipline, practice mental toughness on a regular basis, and learn to love failing. Learn to love it, embrace it, welcome it, look for it. Find that support system. And that flexibility and take care of yourself and take care of the people around you. So all of you are living a very rich powerhouse life. All right. And if you have any comments or questions, I'd love to hear them or read them. You can go to my LinkedIn page, Bernadette Boas, and I'd love for you to leave a comment or post a question. Around this subject. You can even tell me if you're a perfectionist. You can even ask for even additional tips or advice. But check out my LinkedIn page and let me know what your thoughts are around our subject, around persistence versus perfection. All right. And then till next week, thank you so much for being here, and I will see you soon. Take care. Bye.