How to be Powerhouse Working Mom!!!

Welcome, welcome to the podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Follow Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Let's do this! I can't tell you how excited I get when it comes to this particular episode of the year when it has to do with Mother's Day. Whether it falls on Mother's Day, the episode, or not, I celebrate all week long, all month long, all life long, and I hope you do too. And why I love it is it started as a ritual with my own mother. And my sisters who are moms, where the week of Mother's Day week for the last, wow, 15, 18 years, we would spend down at the beach in Ocean City, New Jersey for about— it started off as 3 days and then grew into 10, and we would just simply celebrate each other. At the same time, we had the opportunity to celebrate those moms, and I would actually broadcast live from there with my sisters and my mother surrounding me and contributing to the conversation. And so in this episode, I want to definitely show my appreciation and my love for my own mom's sisters and my mother, and at the same time share some stories, uh, because this particular, um, year is extremely also very special. And therefore, uh, this will be a memorial to my mother as as an opportunity for you to really get some tips and strategies for how you could be that powerhouse leader at work and at home, even with all of the, all the responsibilities that you have, especially that of a mother. All right, my mother, it would have been 10 years ago today or this week, and that she has passed, and And I'm also wearing a chain that my grandmother gave me when I was 17, so that's very, very, very many, many, many years ago. Uh, and so I have moms wrapped all around me, uh, all around me today. But what I want you to be thinking about is what, as a mom, do you want for yourself? What, as a mom, as a leader at work and at home, in your community, amongst your friends, what is it you want to be achieving in this one life you have to live that goes really, really fast? This really hit me, uh, doing my show live with my sisters and my mom at the beach during Mother's Day week. I would say it would have to be 11 or 12 years ago, maybe the year before my mother passed. And so the camera's up, you know, the, the mic is live, and I'm having a conversation with all of you, uh, in regards to setting goals and having dreams for yourself as a mom. Because moms, as we all know, uh, they always put everybody first before they put themselves first. And yet at the same time, they really need to also recognize that they have dreams and passions and goals for themselves. And so I'm having this conversation as, uh, my sisters— at least 4 of the 5— are kind of hanging out on the periphery. And my mother was in her chair. And all of a sudden, as I'm having this conversation, I hear sniffling, like someone's crying. And actually, it was multiple people. And I'm thinking, what in the world is going on? Yet I wasn't going to kind of, you know, call it out right then and there. And we were live, so I definitely didn't want to be doing that. So we ended the show, turned off everything, and I turned around and there were two of my sisters, the two older of me. And, you know, they're standing there in tears and I'm like, what in the world is going on? And both of them basically just said, I don't know what you mean or how to do it when you talk about that I should have goals for myself, that I should have dreams and passions of my own, and to be selfish in making sure that I do have that. And I— that just absolutely floored me, uh, when I heard— when I heard that and when they expressed that, and I could see you know, kind of the look of both uncertainty, but at the same time excitement. And that's what I was, you know, that really got my juices going was they were excited about that. And so I said, well, let's have a conversation, you know, and, you know, let's get into it even further, which we did. And that's why the whole, you know, Mother's Day week episode conversation always brings me such great memories and joy. From not only, you know, what we're doing here, but especially from the past experiences that I've had around this subject. So the, you know, the first thing that I would want for you is for you not to have all of a sudden, maybe because you're an empty nester, maybe because you're going through some sort of challenge in your life, maybe because you are getting to the point where you're, you know, about to retire from work, I want you to right now make a commitment around the fact that you, you know, should have, or, or if you do, you need to acknowledge your goals, your dreams, your passions, your wants and desires for this one life that you have. And it's totally okay, which is what I expressed to my sisters, totally okay if outside of the workplace where you know, business goals and metrics and deadlines are very common, but they're always so focused on the business. I would just want you to commit that outside of work, you would really take time to sit down and think about what it is that you want and what goals that you could have for yourself, whether you're 25, 50, or 75. You, you know, what are those goals? What are those passions? What are those dreams that you have? And so if you haven't had them before and you're not even sure where to get started, as my sisters weren't, you know, let me share this. First off, there's a methodology out there you could always Google if you haven't already heard about it, um, called the SMART goal methodology. And I kind of put my own Bernadette spin on it. And I call them the SMARTIE methodology. And why that is, is the acronym of SMART to begin with is that your goals need to be specific. So the S, they need to be measurable. They need to be actionable. So that's the SMA. They need to be— I say they need to be— I'm drawing a blank. They need to be realistic. And you'll— many people will say relevant as, as well in the R. And then they need to be time-bound. Well, then I add the Y. And what would you think the Y means? And it's not, why are these goals important to me? Although that's really, really smart, uh, and, you know, therefore gets added to the SMARTIE. But actually, the Y, in my perspective, is you. The why is actually you. You need to ensure that these SMART goals have you embedded and weaved all over them. They should be your goals, not your goals for your children or your, you know, partner, spouse, or your family or community or even work. Um, they need to be your goals. For yourself. And that's why I find the why at the end is really, really important when I talk with my clients, to ensure that they don't go right down the rabbit hole of, oh well, I want my children to be happy, and I want my, you know, relationship with my partner, spouse, to be, you know, you know, full of love. No, no, that's for everybody else. That's not you. I want it to be for you. So, um, the one thing, you know, that you could do for yourself that doesn't take much time or effort is to simply acknowledge that you want to get ahead of it. You want to get ahead of all of a sudden having that aha moment, uh, where you're like, oh my gosh, I don't have goals and passions for myself. Um, and therefore, what can you do now? You can sit down and draft out your SMART goals. Make them as specific as possible, make them as measurable as possible, make them actionable, meaning you have to, you know, have that to-do list that is specific to you accomplishing that goal. They have to be— when I say realistic, um, I, you know, I want them to be tied back to the fact that you'll, you'll be successful whether it's small steps along the way and it takes a while for you to get there, or whether they're, you know, big steps because all of a sudden you're taking on something new and you put yourself all in and you are making some big accomplishments and big actions. But I just want you to be sure that they're realistic to what you've done in the past and/or what you're capable of doing based on time, based on, you know, availability, based on monies, based on physical capability, so forth and so on. And then of course, everything needs to be time-bound. Now typically when people come to me and they, you know, want to start working on their goals personally and professionally, and, and majority of the time it starts professionally because I am a corporate, corporate coach and trainer, you know, they first start going right toward their business goals, even their personal/business goals, meaning, okay, I want to be— I want to advance and be in this new position 6 months, 12 months from now. And so that's what I would refer to as a business personal goal. But majority of the time, they're very much focused on, you know, trying to come up with goals for their team, for their bosses, for everyone else other than themselves. But more importantly, I want them— even though we start there, I want them then to say, okay, so what are those 1 to 3 goals that have nothing to do with work, that, you know, you could be looking at from maybe a financial perspective, a relationship perspective, your spirituality, your social life, your physical fitness, your health and nutrition, so forth and so on. What are those things that maybe are on a bucket list somewhere that now you need to be kind of actionizing and making them something that are, you know, is current that you are pursuing and you want to be achieving now. So what are those 1 to 3? And then just go through that, that SMARTIE methodology. And you can find a lot of detail online in regards to the SMART methodology. But you could also go to ballofirecoaching.com and you'll find multiple references to SMARTIE goals, both in our podcast. So on our podcast page, as well as in our main page on the website. Okay, so have some SMART goals. So you want your SMARTY goals. The first thing that any mom working mom especially can do in order to really ensure that, uh, you are taking care of yourself, which we're going to talk about even more in a minute. Um, at the same time, you're proactively and effectively and right now going after the goals and the dreams and the passions that you have for yourself. All right, so the second one would be self-care. There is nothing more important for you, for anyone, but especially moms to be really taking care of themselves first, even before everyone else. So if you've been on a plane lately or over the last, you know, 50 years, you will hear that the announcements all always address, put the mask on yourself first before helping others. The reason for that is because you need to be conscious in that particular example, You need to be conscious first in order to be able to help anybody else. And the same is true in life, is you aren't able to be fully there, fully present, fully you, unless you take care of yourself first before you're helping everybody else around you. And I know that's very, very, very hard for many moms out there. The example of my two sisters, you know, sitting there sniffling behind me when I was talking, talking about them having goals and dreams for themselves. And yet at the same time, I will share that when they had that realization, that aha moment for themselves, they started working on defining those, those goals and those passions and those hobbies and those activities that they want for themselves only. And I can't tell you the transformation that took over in their personal and business life in the, in the short months following. And the same, you know, would happen and can happen for you is taking that time. We've already talked about the goals, but now taking the time to really take care of yourself first so you can be your best at work, at home, in the community, with your friends. Um, and, you know, in just life as a whole. So how do you take care of yourself? Well, go back to your goals. You know, what's, what's most important to you? I mean, there's so many ways to take care of yourself, whether that's your health, your nutrition, your fitness, uh, your financial standing, your social life, uh, your love life, your spiritual life. Um, you know, there's so many. What are those hobbies and those activities and those traits maybe that you loved growing up and yet you know, life got in the way and you've put them on the, on the back burner. But what are those things that really would bring you joy and bring you happiness? At the same time, when it comes to, you know, self-care, you also need to go inward more so even than go outward to the external, which is what we've been talking about. You know, what are those passions and those hobbies and those activities and those adventures you could be going on that would provide you joy and happiness and fulfillment and excitement about your work or your life? But the real work also comes when— and the real self-care comes when you really go inward, really understand who you are, what you want, what you don't want, what brings you joy, what brings you down. And in my world and the work that I do, whether that be with corporate executives or their teams, whether it be with entrepreneurs, even with family members, I really leverage— I have them leverage our Shift to Riches formula to really help them what I call excavate their soul and uncover who it is they really are and who they want to be. That also feeds into their goals, but more so takes care of fueling themselves with it. And so the 5 steps of our Shift to Riches Formula is at a high level: discover, confront, and shed so you can create and accelerate. And so moms, pay attention. Uh, working moms, stay-at-home moms, but pay attention because this 5-step tool can be used on a daily basis very easily and yet have powerful, powerful transformative results for you in your life. And so Discover— Discover is just what it sounds like, discover. Everything it, you know, there is about yourself. Again, we're going inward. So ask yourself those questions: Who am I? Uh, who am I not? Who do I want to be? Who do I not want to be? What are my dreams? What are my passions? What are my needs, needs and wants? What are my desires? What are my values? What are my beliefs? Um, what lifts me up, but what pulls me down? What brings me joy, but what brings me misery? And all of these things, as you're looking at them, are not only the internal— what we call bitches here— your fears, insecurities, doubts, and negativities. But I also want you to discover your riches within yourself. What are those traits and qualities and values and beliefs, even your experience and expertise and all the skills, all those others that really make you the beautiful in this case, a working mom, that you can be. So you just spend time really digging, digging, digging, digging into all of that. At the same time, you do have to look at the external factor. So we looked at the internal, now we're going back to the external, because the external factor, when you start asking what brings you joy, what brings you down, what inspires you, what drains you. There's a lot of externals. There's people, there's places, there's things, um, that you also need to really come to, um, come to justify or come to Jesus with and be really honest with yourself about whether or not the things that you have in your life, the things that you have in your life, they could even be possessions, are giving you what you want, are bringing you joy, or are they bringing you despair? You know, are they lifting you up or are they pulling you down? Are they, you know, making you excited or exasperated? Um, so the Discover phase is really just, you know, why I call it Excavating Your Soul as a, you know, as a totality, is really just going in and being brutally honest with yourself. Because you don't have to share this with anybody else. So just be brutally honest with yourself. And it's such a form of self-care that rarely do I find individuals, whether that is in the business world or in, you know, one's personal world, whether it's at a staff level or an executive level, they rarely ask themselves those tough questions. So the Discover phase, and then in the Confront, you're going to do just that. You're going to confront the good, bad, and the ugly. You're going to justify, as I mentioned. You're going to validate. You're going to confirm. You're going to make decisions about whether or not, you know, the bitches in your life, you know, you want to shed, or the riches in your life you want to hold on to. And in the Shed phase, the next phase, you want to then actually act on those decisions that you've made. I either want to shed the people, places, things, or internal bitches that are, you know, not making me that powerhouse leader mom that I want to be, or I'm going to, you know, hold on to them and make sure that they're feeding and, and enriching who I am and who I want to be as I move forward. So discover, confront, and, and shed. And then as you, you know, do anything where, you know, meaning as you do anything that really gets you excited and that you, um, are really focused on, you know, focus and attention, um, put to anything can really generate a lot of activity and results for you. Well, as you are going through the discover, confront, and shedding phase and you are realizing what it is that you truly, truly, truly want and who you truly, truly want to be, all of a sudden you want to create new, bigger, better, different than what you've had in the past. Because you're, you're now feeling and experiencing and growing in such new, new ways that you just want to start creating something different, something new. And so the Create phase is all about, you know, going back and looking at those goals, those dreams, those needs and desires and wants, whether or not you recognize them before or not, or they're new, and now you're starting to create them. And if they are— you had them in the past but you want to change them up, you know, the Create phase is a great opportunity for you to do that. And then of course, you know, it's almost like, ladies, we can relate to this, if you know, it's just like when we're on a diet or a fitness program and, you know, we start losing weight or we get faster in our running or we get more fit from a, you know, strength perspective, you know, we wanna just accelerate it. We want more, you know? And therefore the Accelerate Phase is all about, you know, really putting the pedal to the metal and just accelerating the results and the growth that you're experiencing. And so there's no better form of self-care than really kind of excavating your soul, learning all about you. And again, I don't care if you're 25 or you're 75, 85, until you are, you know, in the grave, you know, you want to be learning about you and really getting closer and closer to your true, true, true, true, true self. And it is a fabulous, fabulous experience. I've spent the last 12 years going through my own excavating of my soul, getting closer and closer and closer to who I truly, truly, truly want to be. I, I won't say that I'm, you know, 100% there yet because you know what, I always want to be bigger, different, newer, um, and, you know, version of myself. So I never want to stop growing. And so the closer I get, you know, then I start creating new, bigger, different. And so you can, you can as well. So consider, you know, as you had your goals, your SMART goals, you know, defined, and now you're starting to work on the self-care aspect. You can even swap the two if you wanted to start with the self-care first and let that feed your goals. Uh, at the same time, uh, people have a difficult time kind of, you know, starting to dig in and, you know, kind of face themselves in the mirror, so to speak. And so I often with my clients have them start on, okay, let's just get practical, um, and lay out your SMART goals, and then we're going to leverage all of that information that you're learning about yourself and your, your kind of acknowledging and committing to. Now let's use it to really work on the self-care aspect. And then lastly, what I would suggest to any of you moms out there, because again, your world is completely chaotic from those of us like myself who are single. I have four-legged, you know, children, but that's really my, you know, my degree of obligation. Yes, I have family and friends and community and my work, So I do have a lot of responsibilities, but it's nothing like being a mom, and I won't even pretend that it is. It's different. And so, you know, I have high, high, high regard and respect for moms, and especially those working moms. So the next thing you really want to be focusing on for yourself is stop trying to strive for balance. There is no such thing. As balance. You know, people would love you, you know, to think that you can all of a sudden get here, you know, between your work and your life. And for those listening, I'm kind of doing a pendulum, uh, of balance. There's no such thing. Instead, focus on blending all of your responsibilities, all of your roles, all of your passions, all of your goals and your dreams. Into a life structure that provides you that opportunity to take care of yourself, take care of everyone else around you. So that's the practical, right? But then also just to really experience, um, joy, fulfillment, pride, um, happiness, love, accomplishment, achievement. There's nothing wrong with that, even ambition. And so, you know, stop worrying about blend— oh, I'm sorry, stop worrying about balance and focus on blend. Stop worrying about perfectionism and start working on just taking action and living. And you, you know, once you do and you really start leaning in to your goals and your passions, wants, dreams, and desires, and then you're taking care of yourself by even you know, getting in touch with who you truly are, you will find the priority and the, uh, almost— I, I don't want to call it desperation, but that's the first thing that's coming to my head— of wanting to find that blend. Because you're, you're getting to a point in your life where you're not only feeling peace and calm as a result of all that work that you're doing, but you're also finding all this excitement and, you know, and desire to to get out there and be adventurous. And so, you know, you, you know, you want to kind of feed all that and leverage all of that into finding the blend in life that will bring you the most happiness and fulfillment and joy that you want for yourself. So to all the working moms out there, the working powerhouse leaders that you are in your work, in your life, happy Mother's Day. And just keep in mind You deserve all the goals, dreams, passions, wants, and needs that you have for yourself. You deserve to take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else around you. And lastly, to find that blend in your work, in your life, that brings you such joy and fulfillment and purpose and value. And so you can be that powerhouse woman that you already are and create the riches in life and work that you deserve. So if you ever need to, and should you have any questions or challenges or want some support in implementing anything that we've discussed today, then be sure to reach out to me. Book a call at coachmebernette.com/discoverycall and let, let me give you some tips and strategies and sometimes tough love in order for you to really create those riches you deserve. All right, happy Mother's Day. I'll see you back here soon.