How to Create a Limitless Powerhouse Mindset with Whitney Alexandra

How often do you tell yourself you're not good enough or that you don't deserve what you have at work or at home? According to Peak Dynamics Company, research has found the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts a day. And of those thoughts, 75% of those thoughts are negative and 95% are repetitive. So that's 45,000 times you are thinking, telling, or beating yourself up on a daily basis. But why? More importantly, how is all of that negativity gonna help you succeed in your work or in life? Performance coach Whitney Alexandra believes you absolutely can have everything you desire and possess a powerhouse inner champion that helps you to create the future fabulous life you want. So Whitney and I are gonna discuss how to replace your inner critic with an inner champion, how to design your life and leadership brand around your desires, and how to become your next level self. Lastly, we're going to talk about how to embody your leadership brand. So stay with us. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Let's do this. Whitney, how are you? Welcome, welcome.

Thank you so much for having me today. I'm so excited to be here and have this fabulous conversation.

We are going to have a fabulous conversation because it is so critical. As you and I were even talking about, we can't talk enough about the inner critic, confidence or lack thereof, and what it really takes for a professional to really be a powerhouse leader. But before we get there and talk about all that stuff. Help our viewers and our listeners to really understand who you are so they can connect and relate with you.

Yeah, what a great question. So I am probably the most fabulous performance coach you're gonna meet, but beyond what I do professionally, I love really connecting with people. I am like really into high performance. I love to read. I'm always setting bigger and bigger goals for myself. And it doesn't always mean doing more. A lot of times it means doing things in a totally different way. So I'm absolutely a lifelong learner, avid runner, and I really just value connection, connection with people and friends and family.

Any particular genre of reading?

Self-help. Like, would that surprise you?

No, no. Especially when you say I'm a fabulous performance coach. That's confidence for you. That is self, you know, self-help, self-growth. No, that's fabulous. That's fabulous. Well, leaning on that, leaning on your— probably your own journey and your growth in regards to your own self-confidence, help us understand what are the challenges you're finding when it comes to professionals and their level of confidence? What are you seeing out there as far as what where they're at and where they need to go.

You know, it's so interesting. So I've coached hundreds of executives, and the large majority of them have been male. And there have also been, you know, a good portion that are women. And I noticed such a difference in the words that are used, the level of confidence, how we sort of hold on to something is completely different. And so it is like we are from two totally different worlds when it comes to confidence. And, you know, typically you would see a male leader taking the stage and, you know, showing up with a lot more presence than, than it would take for a female leader to get to that same spot. And a lot of it really has to do with preparation and some of those other things that, that as women we feel are really important to show up in a qualified and really, um, um, professional way, right?

Yeah. So let me ask you something. When it comes to what you just said, what does presence look like? So when you say a man shows up with a particular presence that a woman does not, what does that look like?

If there's any male listeners, I apologize, but typically we see a fake it till you make it approach when it comes to men. Taking the stage. And with women, I see a lot more preparation, really knowing that this is the key message, this is what I— how I want to connect with people. They have to feel like an expert before they will take a stage. And so there's a lot more of that preparation that goes into them viewing themselves as a leader and others also viewing them as a leader before they're prepared to take a leadership position and really own their genius.. It doesn't mean that they are less smart. In most cases, I see the women around the table much smarter and just not having that same amount of confidence to really speak up and put their names forward for big opportunities.

So, um, one of my favorite mantras and, and the way I brought myself up, let alone other people coached me, is the fake it till you make it. And yet I get beat up a lot about it, whether or not that's the right approach. But, but as you're illustrating, it does come across extremely different and, and, and whatnot than what women are therefore projecting. What is your view about faking it till you make it? And what do you see as a pro to men doing that versus, you know, the con that women aren't doing that? Mm-hmm.

I think let's jump to the end. And that last question you asked was so important. What do we see happening with men? We see them getting opportunities that they are stretching into versus women that don't quite feel qualified. And even after a recruiter is really working with them, might still not feel like they are prepared to take a leadership role or take the next step. And so we see them often not stretching as much, even though they are just as qualified, if not more qualified. Side. I think fake it till you make it has— it has a bad rap, right? Sometimes what I will use to help, um, sort of soft sell this with a more feminine approach is that we're acting as if— what if we just acted like that person, right? I find a lot of times women will look for the particular skill, it needs to be 100% and exactly as defined, when actually when we look at other experiences that they've had, we can often find the connection point, right? If they were someone who said like, oh, I've never really led a group before, or I've never really been a leader, they're often discounting a lot of the experiences that they've had, whether it's community investment, or maybe they were chairing, you know, a committee with the board or something like that, that has a lot of value, but it's not exactly the same. And so we can get into a bit of a technical, right? We sort of talk ourselves down with that technical. It's not to the letter, even though it's like miles ahead sometimes of the experience that their peers might have.

And so how— what could a woman do to kind of find that evidence, to kind of identify that those things that they actually have, you know, in their toolkit already, the expertise, the experience, the, the, the skill, how do you work with them to really understand what that is so they're not diminishing themselves and they are taking into account all those things, even if it's not the exact prescription.

Yeah, sometimes I like to remove the person from it. So if we were working together, we'd say, okay, if a person like Bernadette was going to do this, right? Like sort of make it a little bit more abstract. If a person like you was going to do that, what other experiences might they have Well, they might have community experience. Great. How about you? Do you have any community experience?

Right?

And we can sort of use that narrative to get to, um, to get to that. So for me, I'm a big runner, and part of what you'll learn doing any sort of activity is that if you can run 1 mile, you can probably learn to run 2, you can probably stretch to 3, you can build up the confidence to where you're running 4 or 5 or 10 or half marathon or whatever it is. And so often it it takes, like building up those little success, those little successes and proof that you can do hard things or you can do something that's, um, that's related, right?

Do you ever, um, help them or guide them to kind of take inventory as far as even in their personal life, even in their family life versus their friend life or their community life, all the different things they do there? Because I think Do you find that women discount, you know, what they bring to the non-work environment? And because it's not on the resume, they don't really ever honor that and take that into consideration. And yet here's a whole bank of value.

Absolutely. You know, what I find so often is that, you know, it can be the teeniest, tiniest little thing that we get fixated on, right? And it's like, oh, this one thing isn't happening for me. Meanwhile, you're blowing out of the water on the other 95%. And so often, you know, that's just like a sneaky little way of our mind keeping us safe and making sure that like, ooh, okay, this is uncomfortable to stretch beyond what's possible. I also find for a lot of female leaders, they get to a point in their leadership journey where they think, It's already really hard for me to balance and have harmony in these other areas of my life. So I don't want the next step. Right. And that is as much of an organizational problem as it is on the individual level, saying just because you have that next promotion doesn't mean you're working 2 times as hard or 4 times as hard.

Right, right. Or you need to kind of figure out what is causing you to feel that stress, that overwhelm, that disorganization. And that's where you come in to help them kind of adjust that.

Yes.

You know, people do it. I mean, you know, there's tons of examples out there of individuals that do it, right? Would you say that?

Absolutely. I think one of the biggest things I find with all female leaders, it doesn't matter what level you're at, we have this sense of ownership over the work that we do and this belief that maybe that other person underneath us can't do it the same way or can't do it right, or, um, or I should just do it because I know they have a lot on their plate. That is a huge one that comes up. Whereas, you know, typically in a male-led organization, their rule is push it down, right? So what happens is you have this dynamic where male leaders continue to push down on their teams, and those people push down, and those people push down. Whereas female leaders tend to hold a project, and then beneath them, they also hold their project. And so it feels a lot different in a female-led organization, and it feels like, I— no one else can do this like I can do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I wanna, you know, kind of have you kind of set these women straight. There's one thing, there's one thing for them to understand for themselves, the negative impact, you know, them holding back, them not taking risks have. But talk to, if you would, the perception it creates in other people's minds around them, and therefore the impact that it will— that those perceptions have on their career and their opportunities?

Yeah, I mean, it could look like women don't get promoted in our organization. It could look like the best person isn't always appointed to the job. It could look like for other levels beneath you that there isn't a career path for me because that person's not moving and this person isn't moving and that person's not moving, therefore I'm not moving. Right? And so it can have that whole trickle-down effect where women in an organization or in a department might really feel like, what, what women do we really have to look up to in the organization? So I think it's the importance of not only showing up for you but showing them what's also possible. Um, and, and I think we need to have more of these uncomfortable conversations, right? To be able to say, like, I stretched into that role. And then I chewed it, right?

I bit off more than I could chew and I chewed it.

And so having, having those opportunities where people see that the leadership journey isn't always, you know, roses and rainbows. Sometimes it is a stretch opportunity and it's a stretch for all people as they get into that. The difference is a man will feel like he deserved it. And a woman will feel like, I have to show that I earned it and deserve it after I'm in the role.

Yeah. And doesn't it create perceptions for an individual? Like, say there's an individual woman who's holding back, not taking risks, not really stretching themselves, not asking for that opening, for that opportunity, and therefore the perception they're creating for themselves in their decision-makers' minds is what?

She's good. She's happy. She's well-placed. Right? I think that's such an important one where women do not have a loud enough voice in an organization or a loud enough voice at a table. And it doesn't mean physically screaming at people. Right? I think there's a way to have great composure and a great conversation, great dialogue. But often women are happy to have the seat they have and be at the table and are not looking for what's next. And I think that's a huge missed opportunity, not putting your hand up, not asking what's next for me. If someone's telling you that it's, you know, this, this great thing is coming for you next year, great. The clock has started.

Yes, right.

And I think a lot of it too is getting clarity on what skills or things do I need to have, what expertise do I need to have so that that next role is mine.? Because typically in some of these organizations, those moves are happening behind the scenes, right? Unless you've got a really strong champion that's putting your name forward, you might just not be in the conversation.

Right. If you're not doing certain things to kind of demonstrate that you want it.

Yeah, absolutely. Like a big part of what I end up spending time with both CEOs and executive teams on a one-on-one basis is we're talking about your personal brand, your leadership brand. How do you show up? What are, what are the ways that you communicate with your team? Right? How do they feel about you? What are the topics that you're really passionate about? And it sort of is extending, you know, from just what you're accountable for in your organization to telling us more, you know, just as you started this conversation, Bernadette, tell me about yourself personally. What are the things you personally care about? So it's just as important to have your personal brand and also become a thought leader in your industry or in your organization.

Okay, so for those women— and I love this, and I know you coach and talk a lot about leadership brand— so for those who might be sitting there going, okay, I'm not quite sure what that means and what that looks like and what I should be doing about it. Can you help us kind of paint the picture? And then are there any steps they could be taking to really kind of work on that leadership brand?

Yeah, so I think the best way that I think about a leadership brand, it's no different than your personal brand. How do people describe you, right, in that corporate environment or describe you as a leader? Are those the attributes that you want to be known for? Or are there other attributes that you want to cultivate or bring forward a little bit more? I think a great exercise is always to ask some of the peers around you, either asking your peers, asking your team, asking up in the leadership organization, what are the ways that you would describe me or describe me as a leader? And figuring out if you like those attributes.

Because if you want to hide from them.

Yeah, because truthfully, people could say some really lovely things. They should, they could say, oh, well, Whitney, she's really personal and she's a really great leader and she's very empathetic. And I might have aspirations to really show more of a strategic side and to show that I'm really passionate about Indigenous relations. I might want to show that I'm a thought leader. And so, if those are not the first things that people are talking about, then your personal brand and leadership brand is not aligned. And so I think a lot of that is really having that honest audit about how do people describe you and figuring out whether you like that or not. Now, I've also had executives that really wanted to have a personal leadership brand that looked a certain way. Like, for example, they wanted to be a bit of a ruler in the organization. They wanted to come down hard on people. The problem was like the guy was funny and no one took him serious like that. And so it was misaligned because that wasn't actually who he was.

Right.

That's a big part is you have to be authentic, but there are some places where you can play up and down on some of those attributes.

Meaning he wants to be a ruler. People are seeing him as the funny, nice guy. So help us understand, what do you mean he can, you know, kind of decide up and down some of those attributes? What— because some people would say, well, then, you know, what's a leadership brand if I can't change, you know, those perceptions? So what is that, that those levers that they have to move?

I always think core to any personal brand or any leadership brand that you have is authenticity. Right? Like, you can't consistently show up as something that you're just not. And so I think there are ways to add— maybe what he's looking for is a little bit more command in the way he communicates, a little bit more structure in the way that he provides strategy or leads a team. So you could bring forward aspects like that and still use humor to engage people, right? But at the end of the day, it's those authentic parts of your leadership brand that really make you a standout from peers. And in the industry as well. Yeah.

Yeah. So you help them kind of look at how they're, you know, describing themselves and their desire, but then you're working to make sure that, you know, they're adjusting in the right ways that are going to stay true to who they are.

Yeah, absolutely. It's like a little bit of that audit. Let's see what people think right now and then let's put a plan in place that, that really has you showing up as that person. So do you have the right tools in place? Do you have the right team in place? Do you have the right communication vehicles in place? Because so many people will say, well, I'm doing all these great things. How come people don't know in the organization? Well, they just don't, right? Sometimes it can be just a vacuum of information. And so what are the different tools or things that you could own that would help sort of continue creating this leadership brand for you and also achieve those objectives?

Yes. And I'm here to attest for everyone out there listening and watching, you can certainly change and transform because, you know, the name of the show, right? I mean, I certainly had a brand in leadership in, in when I was in corporate. And if I had done one of those audits that you are talking about, Whitney, I might have gotten ahead of the curve of realizing that I didn't want that type of brand. And, and yet at the same time, I was given the chance to make changes. So it can be done. And I love the fact that you can guide your, your clients through that process. Now, you also, of course, you also talk about— and what we really wanted to talk about here is having like a limitless mindset. And, you know, you talk about the inner critic And then making sure that you're then squashing that and turning it into a limitless mindset. Help us understand why is that important and what can individuals do about it?

I mean, I think most people naturally have that inner critic that can just take over some days. Right? There's a point in every leader's journey where you feel like, I've got no one, right? It's just me, or it's just my team, or we're fighting this good fight. And so I think it's the importance of learning to really champion yourself, cheer for yourself, looking a little bit more objectively at the thoughts that that inner critic is saying, right? Because we say the nastiest things to ourselves. Right? If we said the things out loud that we had going on in our heads, people would really wonder, you know. And that's every person, that's every single person. It doesn't matter if they're a CEO of a billion-dollar company or they're an entrepreneur that's making six figures, it's all the same. So I think really getting a grasp on, you know, what stories are you telling yourself, what is that inner dialogue that plays on repeat, and looking for proof that goes against what we are constantly telling ourselves, because it does take some of that correction, right? First, it's about noticing it, and second, it's about correcting it, replacing that thought with something that's better. Yes.

Yes. And so, I mean, is that literally an exercise one can walk through? Is kind of intentionally sit down with someone like yourself or even themselves and kind of say, okay, here are all my stories. That I'm telling myself, um, and then looking for that proof and explain the proof a little bit more.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it is something you can do by yourself. You can take out a sheet of paper. You can— I find it's better when we write. We get so distracted when we're online all the time typing. Um, so if you can find a piece of paper, you write down those thoughts, and I like to keep them focused to one particular topic. So it might be around money, it might be around my leadership brand. It might be around why I'm not getting promoted. It might be around, you know, how I don't deserve this role. And so let your, let your mind run wild. Give it the page to say every nasty thing that's going on in your head. And if there are some good ones or neutral ones that pop in there too, great, right? The— I think the purpose is not to censor yourself, but to really like look at what that script is. And then what I suggest people do is look at every individual one. Is that true? Is it true that you're a loser? Nope. Right? Like, I mean, I'm just going to say it. That's what we say.

Yeah, it triggered me, obviously, right?

Triggered me.

Yes.

But we say the meanest thing. And so what I like everyone to do is you kind of go line by line. Okay, is it true that I'm a loser? No. What proof do I have that it's not true? Well, you know, these are all the things that I've done or the reasons why I'm successful, right? Is it true I'm not promoted because I'm a woman? Nope. And you know, there might be some things where you say, yeah, that might be true, right? And I think it's having that level of awareness to say which, which ones are true and can I work on, and which ones are not true that I can just squash.

Yeah, yeah. And therefore change the story, right? And so changing the story means telling yourself when those thoughts come up, telling yourself something different, better thoughts, right?

The thing is, we lie to ourselves all the time. We lie. We say, you're a loser, right? That's a lie. Let's pick something better to replace it with. So it could be like, actually, you're the most fabulous— like I said, I'm the most fabulous performance coach you're going to meet. No one in the world does what I do. I know that. Right? And so it's coming up with some of those power thoughts that you can sort of combat and build a really strong mindset of a champion.

Yeah. Now, I was going to come back to that. I was going to come back to that opening statement you made about that, because I wonder how many of our listeners and viewers, uh, got triggered from— not triggered, kind of like went, whoa, what, like, wow, like, you know, and what their— I will, you know, what their thought might be. Yeah, around you declaring that, which is exactly what we want, right? Yeah, that's exactly what we want women to do, is declare. Um, what was your What was your objective with it? Because I thought it was awesome. And what would you want to leave listeners with around that? Mm-hmm.

Well, thank you. Thank you. First of all, I love being recognized, so that was great. One thing that I really think about is like, what, what am I the best in the world at? Right? There's— you are a limited edition. There's only one of you. And I think this is something that every entrepreneur and every executive can take What do you do that's better than anyone? What's your view? What's your experience? What's your lived, lived stories that you can share? Because each of us have such a fabulous zone of genius. And I think it's really declaring what that is and being unapologetic about it, right? I know I'm the most fabulous performance coach you're going to meet, right? I've seen what's out there. So, right. And so I think a lot of people, it's like owning that genius and putting it out there for people so that they do think, oh yeah, wait a minute, she's right, right? Wait a minute, she's right. Like, she is the best CFO in the industry. She is the biggest thought leader when it comes to, um, consumer marketing. She is the best, um, the best legal team, the best legal mind that we could have in our business. Right. And I think we don't spend enough time when we're in an organization thinking about how we actually compete and comparing ourselves in a forward, optimistic way. Right.

And even just honoring ourselves. I mean, even just honoring what you said about the fact that, you know, you're a fabulous performance coach. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and we each should honor what we truly believe about ourselves. Though recognize, would you say, that we all have self-doubt and that inner critic that you talked about, right?

Yeah, yeah, we absolutely all have that, and you know, that, that is life. But I would rather show up feeling like the most fabulous performance coach you've ever met right, than thinking like, oh, there's a thousand of us, right? How am I different, right? Like, if I can't tell you why I'm different, then I'm probably not going to get hired. Yeah. And it's the same way with any woman in any field, any position.

Yeah, they have to believe it, and they have to let others know it, and they have to live it. I love that. So Whitney, what if, you know, our listeners and viewers were to leave here right now being totally inspired and pumping themselves up to find that within themselves, what would be a tip or a piece of advice that you would give them to start working on?

I would say come up with that power thought, right? Even if you change it, even if it's not perfect, right? Like, live it and have it somewhere that you can repeat it every day. Right? Having that power thought that you can constantly come back to anytime you're questioning your worth, questioning, you know, your position or what you've done, always having that big thing to come back to. And I think just generally dream bigger, dream bigger. That one we need to spend more time on, dreaming big.

Okay. All right. Well, we might have to have you back to have that conversation, Miss Whitney, and I would love it Thank you so much because this has been absolutely fabulous. And I want to make sure everyone, um, knows go to whitneyalexandra.co— I'm sorry, whitneyalexandra.co— and learn all about her. As well, follow her on Instagram at whitney.alexandra. And then of course LinkedIn, and you can find her, um, just typing in Whitney Alexandra. Whitney, this has been fabulous. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me.

Absolutely. It's been my honor. What a powerhouse conversation and what a powerhouse guest, Whitney Alexandra. I love the whole conversation around how to really build your leadership brand and how to instill self-confidence within yourself around just what of a powerhouse you already are, let alone what you're growing and evolving to be. So a couple of things that I walked away with that I'm definitely going to hold on to is a couple actually quotes that she made. And she actually just lightly talked about the fact that you are a limited edition, and you are. Each of us, we're very unique. There's not a second one of us. And therefore, if we can hold on to that sense that we are unique. We are one of a kind, one in a million. We are a limited edition. Just think about what that could do to our own self-esteem. And then she really kind of honed in on helping us to come up with our powerhouse thought. You know how she came on with, I'm a fabulous performance coach, and she owned it and she declared it and she believes it. Now, that's not to say she nor any of us don't have our days where we start to doubt ourselves, but overall her powerhouse thought is she is the best, most fabulous performance coach. And she advises each and every one of us, advises you to find that powerhouse thought. If you are struggling to identify your own powerhouse leadership style, then feel free to also book a call with me and let's talk. Let's make sure that you're getting the tips and the advice specific to you in order for you to move forward and become that powerhouse that you're meant to be. All right, I'm honored and very grateful that you were here with us this week, and I'll look forward to having you for another episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. We hope you enjoyed the conversation and gained some valuable insights. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and even LinkedIn to stay updated with the latest episodes. If you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and our Shed the Bitch TV YouTube channel. Lastly, if you liked what you heard today, please give us a thumbs up, leave a review, and share it with your friends and colleagues. Thanks again for listening, and until next time, keep shedding those bitches of fear, insecurity, and doubt and start creating the riches in your work and life you deserve.