How to deal with the CRAZIES of Family and Friends during the holidays!

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/SheddingtheBitch. Shedding the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you? Oh, I was just telling Deborah that, uh, I'm not very conscious today. I don't know about you. Uh, I— we had these storms coming through last night. Uh, it was that big kind of snow, ice, and tornado storm that was going to be coming over from the Midwest into Atlanta and then up the, um, up the coast. And we rarely get anything here in Atlanta. However, it was storming all through the night, so every hour, exactly on the hour— have you ever had that happen? Exactly on the hour, beginning at like 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock, I would wake up. Wake up to the point where I'm like, okay, so I feel awake, should I be up? What time is it? And I don't have a clock anywhere in my room, so I have to get up, go over to my phone. So this continues on to when I got up at 5, I go back to bed. And then I hear this banging at my door, and I have no idea what time it is. And I hear this banging at my door, and I go out, and I was— I had agreed with a friend for him to drop off his pup, and he said, "And you sure it's going to be like 6 o'clock? I have to, you know, get to work really early. It'll be at 6 o'clock." I'm like, "No problem, I'm always up, no problem." Well, I was so dead asleep that it took him banging on my door And then I turn around, go back to sleep, get his dog, you know, kind of sleeping as well. Coco was quiet. I go back to bed and I don't wake up until after like 8 o'clock. It was a crazy morning. I'm still not quite, quite fully alert and awake, but at the same time I'm excited to have this conversation with you today because it is about the craziness of family and friends during the holidays and how do you deal with them. And we're getting close, we're getting close. This time next week, I guess a week from tomorrow to be exact, um, you know, at least Christmas will have kicked in, Hanukkah will have been kicking in, uh, and the craziness is about to ensue. Yet at the same time, I'm sure you guys are all running around, uh, to parties and shopping and preparing to get on the road. I was just also mentioning to Deborah, I get on the road on Friday So that's why we thought it would be a great idea to have this conversation today, to talk about just how do not only you keep the sanity, but I, but I really wanted to be sure that with everything going on, it's supposed to be almost like a quiet, meditative, thoughtful, peaceful, joyful time of the year, and yet for many people it's just the absolute opposite and So what do we do and how can we go about prepping ourselves for having a peaceful and joyful holiday season all the way through the new year? So that's what this week is about. Next week, uh, we just kind of woke up and realized it is Christmas Eve. We will still be here live Tuesday next week, though I'm not really putting out a topic just yet because I have a feeling that this community, this Shedding the Bits community, will kind of bring forward things that they're dealing with and struggling with. This time typically of the year, we do focus on goal setting and time management and prepping for the new year. And we'll do that, but we actually have some time because it's Christmas Eve on Tuesday and then it's New Year's Eve, so we can still have those conversations about goal setting because your, your, your head's not around. Actually, you might be thinking about those things yet, but when I get down to, as I will today as always, really talking about you sitting down and making lists and all that kind of good stuff, you're really not wanting to think about it for 2020 because you still have champagne glasses to raise and toast and drink between now and then. So we'll leave next week open, and if you have a topic, if you have a top-of-mind idea, if you have a challenge or struggle you're dealing with, or you have something really kind of fun that you want to talk about, then let me know on our Facebook or Twitter Shedding the Bitch pages. And I will certainly consider them because I don't know, I all of a sudden wrote, you know what, I'm just going to leave it open to our community and see what rises up over the next several days. Before planning on Tuesday. But we will be here and helping everybody kind of cheer in Christmas. And of course, we wish everyone well for whatever holiday you would be celebrating, you know, this next couple of weeks. All right, let's see, past shows. Of course, you don't want to miss out on going back to our past shows that we've had. And you can find those on sheddingthebits.com. You just scroll down on the home page, which we're going to be switching this up over the next several weeks, but scroll down on the home page, you'll see where it says radio, and, and click in there, and you'll find all of our past episodes. Of course, you could always go to any of the streaming services as well, and the majority of you have been hitting up Apple Podcasts, and that's where now, um, uh, the majority of our streaming is, is occurring on Apple Podcasts. And it's scattered about and syndicated on a number of streaming services. So we love that, and we appreciate your interest in not only finding us but looking for us and listening to the program. We've had— so let's talk about some of the past episodes. We've had our Ask Bernadette episode talked about how to kind of give, how to share, what you can do from a charitable perspective. As you go into the holiday season, but also she was very interested in really kind of putting something in place for going forward, so into the next year and forward from that. So we talked about that. We talked about, you know, a couple of episodes ago we talked about writing your story, and I had shared with you a story and an encounter with Christine, and she is actually in the midst of writing her story, her biography, and she's been seeking my advice and, and help with that. But from that, we gave you a lot of tips on how to go about writing a book. But then someone had come to come and asked about, okay, so I have a lot of things I could talk about. How do I figure out which or what I should be talking about if I were to sit down and write a book or have a podcast? So we talked about that. And then a question that I love that we talked about was having— which is more important, having great answers, so being that person to raise your hand whether it's in the office or at school, raising your hand, having a great answer, or having great questions that you're then digging deep to uncover and learn and understand more?— you know, so actually you're asking a question and actively listening as opposed to talking when answering a question. So we talked about that. And then we've had episodes around giving thanks, being grateful and creating riches, shedding the intimidation bitch, shedding the mental stigma bitch, and a number of others for the last several years that you can find again on blabtalkradio.com, sheddingthebitch.com, or Apple Podcasts, or any one of the streaming services. But as I mentioned, today is all about the craziness of the holidays, and specifically around the drama of family and friends, and how do you have a peaceful, joyful gathering, um, as opposed to it breaking out in total chaos. But I do want to pepper in there kind of the other factors of this, this season that add to that stress level: the shopping, the travel, the parties, that kind of thing. So I'll provide some tips and advice around that. But what we want you to be thinking about is your RICH question. And for those of you joining us for the first time, a RICH question is a question I pose to you based on the topic of discussion for today. That grounds you into the discussion. So you might be coming on going, well, this is another topic about the craziness of the holidays, you know, I'll just kind of put her on, you know, on for back noise but won't pay attention to it. Well, as opposed to that, we realize and we have found that many of you come on with that approach, but then all of a sudden are like, oh, wait a minute, you know, there is something about this topic. That resonates with me. So that's what the goal and objective is. So your rich question for today is, what or whom is your biggest concern over keeping peace and joy this holiday? So what or whom, so it could be a situation, it could be, you know, a lot of people don't like this time of year, and we'll talk about that. So it could be a what, or it could be a person, you know, a family member, a friend, whomever. Is your biggest concern over keeping peace and joy in your holiday? To rich tag with us, which is hashtags used when you post or tweet with us, you can use #tips or #shedthebitch. All right, we're going to take a quick break. When we get back into this, when we get back, we're going to dive into this subject regarding the crazies of family and friends during the holidays. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com www.facebook.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking about the crazies of family and friends over the holidays, and as I mentioned, I want to kind of throw in there some other stressors and some tips and advice on how to deal with them. But I want you to be thinking about who or what is your biggest stressor in planning for peace and joy during the holidays, because it can run the gamut. It can be your family and friends, but it can also be travel. If you have to, you have to get on the road, maybe you have, you're expecting family in to make your holiday peaceful and joyful. You then have family coming in, maybe the kids are returning from college. Obviously, we have parties to go to, not only social parties with our friends, but then there's those obligatory pressured work parties. There's shopping, obviously, and it's not just gifts. It's, you know, it's prepping the house for your guests. It is food and beverage and a whole slew of things. And then of course, all of that, all of a sudden you sit down and you realize, and sadly a lot of times it's after the fact, there's money issues. There's the budget. Did we stick to it? Did we even have one? Did we overspend? Am I going to be paying off Christmas 2019 for the next 5 years? So there's those stresses. I even added last minute, just 2 seconds ago, because I'm sitting wedged in my studio in the middle of two dogs. I have Coco with me. She decided to creep up onto the chair and try to squeeze in with me. And then I have our 140-pound friend Thor, who is snoring away on the, on the ground. So think about it, I'll be traveling with Coco when I go out of town, you know. And obviously— oh, then I was talking to my brother He's going to be having an Eagles football party. The Falcons play on Sunday, this Sunday, the 22nd. So I mentioned to him, hey, I have Coco home with me. Can I bring Coco to the house? He's like, yes, great, Penny will love it, his dog. Well, I can guarantee you now, you know, 11 brothers and sisters, we're going to have a whole slew of dogs running around, which sounds really cute but also can be stressful. So, who or what are your biggest stressors in planning for peace and joy? And even this morning I was sitting down— again, background noise— and I was sitting down and The View was on. Now, for those of you who may watch The View, you know, you know that it can very much be like a family gathering at any point in time, and the yelling and the arguing and the talking over each other and then you know, banging of heads, you know, all of a sudden creates just this, this major stress. You know, your back tightens and you just want to kind of scream. Well, they opened the show this morning— Whoopi does— they open the show by kind of apologizing but also making a claim that that's what the show is about. It's like the family dynamic, she went on to say, around the holidays when you get, you know, your family together and there's different personalities and different political beliefs and religious beliefs and this belief and that belief, and everybody wants to kind of be right. And, you know, so they were kind of even saying, so everybody back off, back off, we're fine, we're not going to explode here, you know, at The View. Obviously, their listenership, their viewership must have kind of went on to Twitter and Facebook or wherever and started kind of getting concerned and complaining and judging and voicing, you know, their view on what might have happened yesterday or last week or sometime. But it was a good example, a perfect example actually, of what it is many people are going into over the next, you know, week and a half, two weeks leading into even the new year. So give that, you know, give that thought, some thoughts, and yet at the same time we want to give you some tools and tips for getting through it. Consider our rich question, who or what, because that is going to allow you— your number one success strategy for a peaceful and joyful holiday is to be aware of what it is, what or whom create the most stress for you. So let's back up though and start at the beginning. So the beginning is when you need to even start looking at what the holiday season will bring and what role, what involvement you will have in making it peaceful and joyful. So I kind of laid out a few things that you you know, can make note of. But, and this is just a kind of an initial beginning list of those things that happen along the holiday trek, so to speak. So, the potential stress levels might start getting stimulated, let's say, you know, the minute you book your flights. Or your driving plans, or even making a decision as to, am I going to drive, am I going to take the train, am I going to fly? I considered that not for this year, but for past year. Was it going to be easier for me to actually take the train, an overnight train, which I love, or was I going to fly? I certainly wasn't going to drive. But then this year, it even happened about 2 or 3 months ago, because I'm really bad, I wait until the last minute to book flights, and then I complain as to the cost of them. So I decided to try to get ahead of it. So when it comes to thinking about the holidays, it starts long before the actual, you know, week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks before Christmas, Hanukkah, the New Year. So consider that. Think about that. When you start making your shopping list, if you're one of those people that on, you know, December, I guess the day after Thanksgiving, you're actually buying for the next year, let alone for this year, or maybe December 26th, all the returns are going in, and you're taking advantage of those discounts and buying for next year. So again, we put a lot of pressure. We are the cause of our own stresses when we operate, uh, without kind of some forethought, some planning, some list-making, some journaling. And we'll talk all about it, uh, when you start receiving party invitations. Again, time frames can be can differ. I was very stressed because I was thrilled. I can't wait. I want to put my arms around my brothers and sisters, around my nieces and nephews. I can't wait to go away. But when I decided to go really early— I'm going to be leaving this Friday— I realized I'm going to miss two of my friends' parties this weekend, one Friday night and one Saturday night. And it's a great group, two great groups of people, and something that would have been a lot of fun. So, you know, that was a little bit of a stress point for me. But, you know, then I don't have to worry about work parties necessarily. So when you start receiving party invitations, your stress can start kind of creeping in on you. When you are considering— okay, for some reason I can't read this. So when you're, you know, considering kind of thinking about the people that might be— you might be interacting with. You know, and then you're, you know, you kind of give them labels, you know. It's Betsy Bernadette, for instance. I'm not anymore, don't worry about it. But, or it's, you know, our drunk aunt, or it's our angry, you know, niece or nephew, or it's our politically bent individual. You know, you start thinking about all the dynamics and all the different personalities that will be coming together. You start really getting concerned about the mix of people that you'll be having under one roof, and, you know, which could cause a, you know, kind of some sort of an explosion, if not an implosion. And then it's about, it's getting out and about. It's getting out and shopping. It's, you know, trying to figure out, oh God, do I really have to go to the mall, so forth and so on. So our stresses can start, you know, far before the holiday season actually officially kicks in. And even this morning— no, I take it back, it was yesterday morning— CBS This Morning, it's my morning show that I happen to watch, they had a happiness expert, Gretchen Rubin, on. Now I've heard about, or heard of, and have listened to Gretchen Rubin in the past, and she has shared tips around avoiding stress over the holidays. So hers, when it comes to heading out, whether it's heading out traveling, whether it's heading out shopping, whether it's heading out anything— oh, going to the parties—

she—

one thing that really caught my attention as it was in the background, she said, don't let yourself fall into empty. Don't let yourself fall into empty. So everybody at the table was like, what does that mean? We like it, like it, but what does it mean to go empty? So she basically talks about keep cash in your wallet, which how many of us— raise your hand— how many of us carry actual cash with us? I mean, nowadays, boy, you don't even need it. You know, you, you know, credit cards, your debit cards, your Venmos, your Zelles, you know, all the apps that don't require it any, you know, any longer. She says keep cash in your wallet, make sure there's gas in your car, so then you're obviously no longer stressed about worrying about gas. And I have to admit, I started using an at-home gas service, so they actually come to my house every Tuesday and fill my gas tank. It's called Yoshi, and they fill my gas tank. And so I have not, for about 6 months now, not been to a gas station, and I've also not worried about being on the road without gas. How many of us do that? I have tended to do that in the past, and, you know, it is, it's a great stress reliever knowing that I have gas all the time in my car. Anyway, so she goes on to say keep snacks in the bag. Now, snacks in the bag, she was predominantly talking about for kids. So when you're out and about, when you are going to go traveling, when you are going to go shopping, you need those kids distracted. You need them to make sure that they're fed properly so they don't get that hanger type of mood. She goes on to say keep your phone charged. Again, I'm raising my hand because that seems to be something. My car, I have a 20-year-old car, they didn't have USB ports. In cars 20 years ago. So, you know, as sophisticated as Lexus might be, but the thing is still running and it's, you know, still ticking, so it's a beautiful thing. But I run the risk and can get awfully stressed when I get on the road and my phone isn't fully charged. So now I use a phone bank, make sure I have a phone bank with me everywhere I go. So she goes on to say the same. And overall, get organized before you go so that it's easier when you come back. Get organized before you go so it's easier for when you come back. So that kind of is a great segue into some suggestions that I have, some tips and advice and things that I've done for myself and have advised my clients on. And of course, you know I'm going to say this, so everybody repeat after me, pick up a journal. And in this case, one that's specific for the holidays. Pick up a journal and prepare to document and organize yourself. Because again, as even Gretchen says, being organized, being thoughtful and intentional about what it is that you're about to do, even around the holidays, is not only going to keep you sane, but it's also— not guaranteed, but it should also help you manage your spend, manage your overcommitting, manage your workload, manage your overall schedule, and yes, your absolute sanity is going to be manageable. So pick up a journal and just dedicate it to holidays. Don't make it anything else. And when I say a journal too, don't think about a leather-bound journal you have to spend a lot of money on. You know, I'll often go to for— A number of the journals that I have that I use for expenses and I use for house repairs and whatnot, I go to the dollar store or I buy like those kids' black and white composition books for like a dollar, and I kind of assign which ones I use for what category of life, and then my personal journal where I kind of purge myself, and a lot of what you and I talk about each week. That for me, for me is a beautiful leather-bound journal because I just kind of, you know, kind of that's one element of why I love to write so much. So pick up a journal. So when you start planning, even if it is December 26th and you're starting to plan next year, you can start making notes of what you've already bought and make a note of what those items are and/or who those people are. Now, full disclosure, I am not that organized. However, I have— because I'm one who waits. I'm one who kind of when the season is there, that's when I start working. And yet I'm always on time and I always get it done. And I don't act— I work really well under stress, so it's a good stress. It's not a bad stress. But yet I have many family, friends, and clients who love to start really early and get things done. So they need tools in order to keep themselves organized. So that's what I would recommend is get that journal, and then the minute you start buying and you start sticking it away, you know, have you ever put things away that you've bought and you don't remember where you put them because it was so long ago? Well, just even make a note of not only what the item is and who it was for, but where did you put it so you can always come back to it. When you book your flights or your train, or maybe you're planning to drive, start making notes of, okay, so what does that mean? So if I'm flying out on this particular day, do I Uber— am I Ubering it or am I driving? Do I need to call somebody on the other end that can pick me up, or am I going to Uber it or taxi it? You know, just start your planning around it and making note of that. When you start thinking about your shopping list, maybe if you're baking, what are you going to bake? So it's your menu of what you're going to have. Maybe then you know you're going to have a lot of parties to go to. My mother was great at this. She knew that not only did she have, you know, her immediate family, but she had her extended family. She had choir. She had— gosh, I'm drawing a complete blank— not PTA, there's another group. And she loved baking banana breads and nut breads and all cranberry breads. So she would plan it out just how many she would need to buy and then she would buy up all the— the minute they went on, you know, they got onto the shelves or got on sale, she'd buy them all up because they'd always sell out. So she was never stressed over it. Wrapping, you know, and then, you know, even prepping, just things that you have to prep for. Build yourself a calendar around all those things. And again, you could not only use your journal to do that, but you can actually buy a calendar for a certain time period. Maybe it's October through December, and it goes on, you know, it's now $1.99 because it's no longer valid for 2020, for instance. You already have a calendar where you can start kind of plotting when you need to get started on things. Assign all members of your family tasks and due dates. You know, one thing that I often hear from my married or parent clients is just the fact that they just feel like they're taking it all on themselves, and, you know, that it's not a shared thing. The kids, the spouse, the partner, whomever, and they're just like, they're just, you know, having to do it all themselves. So my first question to them will often be, well, do you require other people to do it? Do you sit down and discuss the fact that, you know, these responsibilities have to be shared, or do you take them on because you just don't want to deal with the conversation? You don't want to deal with them, you know, complaining and boo-hooing, which, you know, we all know that they can and will if they have an opportunity to. And so what I would recommend to you all, especially ladies, we have to hold other people accountable and ask for help. So, you know, sit the family down, sit whomever, even if it's at work. Maybe your team was, you know, designated to hold the company party. You know, you sit down with everybody and you discuss what needs to happen, how everyone's going to contribute. What everyone's going to do, when it's all due, you know, so forth and so on. Almost like for those of us who do both have a family and we work, you have to kind of treat your family and your social life as you do your work life. We have no problem, ladies, you know, raise your hand if you agree, we have no problems delegating and assigning and holding people accountable and giving them due dates and making sure that they're doing what they need to be doing in a work environment. And a lot of times, even as women, we don't even bat an eye when it comes to asking them and expecting them to do something. But yet when it comes to our family, we feel as if, oh well, we can give them an out. We can let them off the hook. We can, you know, my husband, oh, you know, he works really hard, or my partner, oh, they work really hard. And yet we never say, oh, but I do too. And therefore, you know, give them responsibilities and accountability as well. That is key. That is key if you want a joyful and a peaceful holiday season. All right, we're going to take a kind of a little break here. When we get back, we're going to talk about parties and other obligations, what to do, what not to do. We're going to then get into shopping, and of course, we need to get to the main core of our conversation, which is family. And friend craziness and how do you deal with it. So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch Shedding the Bitch Radio and follow the program for all the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking the crazies of family and friends and more during the holiday season and what you need to do in order to make your holiday season Peaceful and joyful. So, we talked about kind of the planning steps that you can take. We even got into some of the overall suggestions that I would have for you that is all around planning and prepping. But now let's get into some specifics. So, when it comes to parties and other obligations that you might have, meaning not necessarily the shopping or the baking, but just, you know, parties and people's requests of your time during the holidays. This is a big area where you definitely need to feel very secure in saying no. And we talk a lot about that here, but— and as women, we have to talk about it a lot and a lot and a lot because we need to feel okay with saying no when it comes to people requesting your time. And yes, you might make the best pumpkin pie or bake the best and smelliest chocolate chip cookies, yet you don't necessarily have to sign up and say yes to doing that for all the kids at the school. So learning to say no is definitely key. Now one thing that Gretchen Rubin, I mentioned her, she's a happiness expert.

Expert.

She was on CBS This Morning yesterday morning. So she also had a similar learn to say no. She went on to say that when you say no, don't overexplain. Just simply say no, but I'd love to do it another time, or no, this isn't the best time, you know, I have a personal matter to deal with. You know, don't overexplain because, you know, it happened probably to every one of us listening. We start over explaining, the next thing you know we're apologizing, we're backtracking, and all of a sudden we're like, oh, you know what, I can do it, don't worry about it, I can do it. So she says keep it simple, don't over-explain, simply say no, which I think is beautiful. Now another thing when it comes to these parties and other obligations is, again, plan them out. Yes, so if I was, you know, here and available to go to those multiple parties— actually, I have one Thursday night, so that would have been Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night. And, you know, I'm a social butterfly just like many people are. At the same time, I'm also, you know what, I really like to hang out on the couch with my pup. So if I don't have to be out every night of the week, you know, I'm over the fear of missing out. Syndrome. So plan, though, for those events, those parties. Think about how long you're going to stay. Think about what time it starts. So, for instance, the party Thursday night, since I have to fly out Friday, it's from— I was hoping it was from 5 to 7. It's from 6 to 8. So, you know, I'm going to go from 6 to 7. You know, there will be a lot of people there. There will be a lot of things going on. I'll definitely be there, you know, for a good amount of the people that will be there, but I also don't want to stress myself out about having to get up first thing Friday morning. So I'm going to make sure I'm out of there at 7:00 and I get back home. So think about how long you're going to stay. Are you going to eat there or are you going to eat at home? Now, you know, well, you know, you might think, well, I could just pick and pick, pick. Well, when you do that and say the party doesn't start until 6 or 7, well, you're now hungry. You might get hangry and therefore overeat. You might overdrink and you want to be thinking about, okay, am I going to drink? You know, Thursday night I might have a drink because I'll be gone by 7 and home and in bed. But if it went on any later and I was— I wasn't flying out and I was going to stay even later. I wouldn't want to because then that's going to ruin my whole next day. Think about how you're going to get there. You know, are you going to drive? Are you going to Uber it? It just comes down to pre-planning and really thinking about things. And of course, you want to think before you drink. Now that doesn't only apply to driving. It applies to if you have work parties, people. If you have work parties. You do not want to be the laughingstock of that party the next day in the office. You don't want to, you know, do something embarrassing in front of not only your peers, but your team members and/or your bosses. You don't want to, you know, put yourself into any type of situation compromising or, you know, other for a social party, for a social work party, even a social party. So really think before you drink because, you know, I might sound like I'm 57 years old now and I'm not a 25, 35, even 40-year-old, you know, and I, you know, I'm not one to judge or to, you know, question anybody, but I will share with you my lessons, although we don't have enough time for them today. I'll just say think before you drink. Now when it comes to that shopping list we talked about briefly, you now have that list because you did it earlier in our overall suggestions with your journal. You made out your list. Think about what you could do online and what you have to go to the mall for. So a lot of things, as much as I do, you know, advocate and support Small Business Saturdays that they have and whatnot, there are a lot of things that you could be doing online to save yourself a lot of stress. So you can buy it online. You can ask them to even wrap it, and then it's shift, and after you've hit that button, you don't have to worry about it any longer. Yes, you want to make sure it gets there, but there are some measures you can take even in that regard. And then prep for the mall. Prep for the post office. You know, there are deadlines that need to be met if you want things there on time. So again, in your calendar that you now have planned for, put when the post office deadlines are. And it's going to be different for cards versus packages. You need to think about cards when it comes to cards for business. Many people, my clients, I was booked last week with clients because they all were leaving on vacation this week. So had I said, "No, I'll just wait until this week to send out any cards," then they wouldn't see it until after the New Year. So, you want to be, you know, kind of thinking about all that, and again, it's to actually minimize your stress. All right, we're going to move away from those things and really talk about this craziness of family and friends and what you can do to really have that peaceful, joyful gathering, even with knowing the dynamics of the people that might be there. Your family members that might be immediate, meaning brothers, sisters, parents, versus the nieces and nephews, versus the kids, meaning your own, versus friends that might have been invited. And then there's a difference between the big party where you're just kind of hanging out, eating appetizers and having a drink or two, versus the sit-down dinner where food can start flying. You know, family dynamics are just very difficult. But if there is anything that you take away from this conversation around this whole topic is this. And I, and I actually have to really keep this in mind myself. Forgetting about what you yourself are dealing with and what you have going on in your life. You also have to realize that you don't know what's going on in someone else's. So first, kind of prep yourself. You know, yes, you might have a lot of junk going on, you know, might have a lot of joy going on, you might have a lot of stress going on, you might have a lot of calm going on, but realize that whatever you're feeling if you aren't aware of it, if you aren't conscious of it, if you aren't intentional about it, you could project it onto other people. So if, you know, if the world is falling down around you and then all of a sudden you go into a family gathering or a friend gathering and you haven't kind of set boundaries or, or you kind of understood your expectations and framed your state of being, you know, that could— you could be the provoker of a very difficult, chaotic environment. Yet if you take some time, whether that's in thought, prayer, meditation, purging, you know, journaling, whatever the case might be, and you set kind of goals and boundaries and expectations, you might be able to contain your universe in order to then ensure that everyone's universe is calm, peaceful, and joyful. Once we get a handle on that, our job is not done. You know, we walk into a room full of people and we have no idea— even if we think we do— we have no idea of what they might be going through. Let me give you a for instance, and quite honestly, I can't believe I still think about it to this day. Well, it was last year, last Christmas, and I will kind of do something about it this particular Christmas. But I was— it was Christmas night. We all had eaten. We did it buffet style because there's like 60 of us, and, you know, we were— we all pretty much, you know, got done eating, and we're all in the main family great room, and of my sisters, and we're sitting there, and I was on a couch with a couple of my nieces and nephews to my right and my oldest brother to my left. And, you know, my— you know, he and I can kind of butt heads at times, maybe because we're a lot alike, maybe it's because we're totally different, who knows. But we do, we do butt heads a lot. So we're having this conversation, and I don't even recall— this is what we really need to, you know, think about, guys. We don't even recall this crap, you know. We might feel the pain of it, we might feel the disappointment or the shame of it, we just don't even recall the actual things that were done or said. So he's to my left, we're talking, but it was kind of this, this somewhat judgmental conversation, and some of it was, you know, being put onto me. A lot of it was being put onto me. And I simply turned to him and I said, "You have no idea of who I am. You have no idea of what I'm going through. You know, so, you know, get over yourself." Something to that effect. I'm just being totally open and honest with you. And he gets up and walks away. Well, another— I'll call him a brother— another brother of mine was sitting across the room and overhearing this. Well, in a very kind of, um, angry and hurted— if that's a word— hurt way, uh, not hurtful to me, but hurtful. He felt hurt and pain. He said to me, well, Bernadette, you think you know what everybody's going through. You think you know everybody and what everybody's going through, so, you know, so who are you to talk? Again, something to that effect. Well, that has stayed with me for the whole year because obviously he was feeling some pain. He was feeling some degree of anger and hurt about what I have no idea to this day, which is what disappoints me, that, that I didn't kind of pull him aside and kind of say, hey, is everything okay? So my point is this: we don't know what other people are going through. We can only know what we are going through. So as you're framing your own boundaries and framing your own expectations and framing your own state of being, when you go into, you know, what you know to be a dynamic group of people, you also have to put yourself in other people's shoes or decide that you can't and that you don't even know why you would be because you don't know what other people are going through. And therefore, don't judge, don't prod, don't instigate, don't passively-aggressively provoke. Just be kind, peaceful, joyful, compassionate. I was reading, I came across something on Facebook that I shared out there on my main profile page. So if you were to go to Bernadette Boas, And you'll see it, and I would suggest sharing it because it's beautiful. But this is what also hit home for me about this whole subject, because again, we don't know what other people are going through. So it basically says, if I can read it from my strained eyes, you're going to come in contact with an awful lot of people who are at their absolute breaking point. This week. Friends, family, coworkers, teachers, strangers in the grocery store, retail workers. While it may be the merriest time of the year for some, it may be the saddest, most stressful, loneliest, and heartbreaking for others. We're all busy, but we're not too busy to be kind Caring and patient. Remember, the best thing you can give someone this season is love. And that is from Amy Weatherly. Again, I posted it on my— I think I might have shared it on the Shedding the Bitch page. If I did not, Deborah, because I know Deborah of Parker House Virtual Services, our social media and radio guru, is on the line. So if I did not post it on our Shedding the Bitch page, Could you go to my profile page and move it over or just share it onto my, um, Shedding the Bitch page? Uh, that is what, at least for me, I'm going to keep in mind is, you know, this is a hard year. We've talked about in the last couple weeks, this is a hard time of year for people, and we, we don't know who those people are. Some are obvious, some kind of wear it on their sleeve, others are not. And so the one thing you can do as you prepare to go into a very dynamic environment, maybe, is to keep that in mind. Now, the more practical things to be doing when it comes to the crazies of family and friends during the holiday season is, again, you're aware of it, so plan for it. And what I mean by that is plan for making it that joyful, peaceful event that you want it to be. Plan for when you walk away, you think about, and you reminisce on Christmas 2019, you say, oh, it was a beautiful time and a joyful time, as opposed to it was chaotic and stressful and gosh, I hated 2019. Who wants that? So the first thing you do when it comes to planning is just to avoid the things you know. Are going to, are going to be triggers for you. And I'll say, I said the things, but avoid the things, the people, the places, the events, the surroundings that you know are triggers for you. So it could be politics, it could be religion, it could be personal sabotages. You know, it could be, I could have, you know, handled that conversation, which again I don't recall what it is specifically it was about, but I could have handled that so very different, as opposed to be, you know, getting myself to a place where I'm like, well, you don't even know me. Well, okay, if he doesn't know you, let him get to know you. Now I say that because he's, um, 9 years older than I am, maybe 8 years older than I am. 9, 9 years older than I am. Um, so there is a, a kind of a gap, and, you know, and, and plus I live in Atlanta, he's in you know, Philly, you know, and I've been gone, you know, from my family's, you know, eyeline for decades. So I have to understand and appreciate that. And if I want them to know and understand me, then I have to maturely and calmly open myself up to them and let them get to know me and tell them about myself. So you can, you know, you know what the triggers are, you just need to avoid them. You know, if you have to, you know, affirm to yourself— so affirmations— if you have to affirm to yourself different scripture, different, you know, lines of prayer, different just mantras that you come up with for yourself that'll keep you calm, cool, and collected, keep you away from, you know, your triggers, then do so. Because again, keep in mind something. However your season, however your encounter, however your moment turns out to be, it's nobody's— it's nobody's doing but your own. It's nobody's doing but your own. Because you're in total control of managing how you respond to everything around you. So just, you know, keep that in mind. So set your boundaries. Define the goals that you want to have for the season. I want to have a very engaging, very curious learning, meaning let them get to know me, take time to get to know them. Don't, you know, I can't assume anything, they can't assume anything. You know, I would also suggest when you do, and you know, when you do kind of speak your voice or your truth or your opinion or your disagreement, Make sure you're speaking for yourself. It's not a general statement. You're not including other people in the room, even if other people have agreed with you in the past or 5 minutes ago. You know, you speak for yourself. Don't speak for other people because that's also one of those triggers that gets people, you know, and dynamics all of a sudden explosive. And again, I'll go back to think before you drink. Think before you smoke, think before, you know, you eat, whatever might kind of influence your demeanor, definitely give some thought to it before you, you divulge or, you know, live in it, because it will impact and influence, you know, what you project out into the world. And again, how you're feeling, if you allow it to, will be projected. So you have an opportunity to say, well, you know, just like the morning, the morning assessment I always talk about where, you know, first thing in the morning, you, you know, I will think about, okay, so how do I feel physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, relationally, financially? How is everything ticking? And if there's anything that feels off or a little bit angst, you know, I work to adjust it. I work that through meditation, I work it through prayer, I work it through thought, I work it through affirmations, I work it through a number of things— music, dancing, playing with the pup, whatever the case might be. You know yourself. You also know those people that you're probably getting together with. And whether it's one person or all the people in the room, you know what your triggers are, you know who your triggers are. So take some time this season over the next several days before, you know, Hanukkah breaks in and Christmas breaks in, and take some time to really be conscious of it, be aware of it, be intentional about addressing it so then you can make your season to be as beautiful and peaceful and joyful as it can be. And you might find yourself walking away going, "That was the most beautiful celebration that I've ever had." And what a way to set up a New Year transition and a New Year celebration. So, We will be here next Tuesday, noon Eastern time. It is Christmas Eve, and I don't know what we're discussing. If you have any ideas of what you'd like to talk about, what you'd like to hear about, what you need tips or advice or tough love around, then feel free to go to our Facebook or Twitter Shedding the Bitch page and let me know. You can reach out to me— a majority of you reach out to me on LinkedIn. Keep that coming. Sheddingthebitch.com, Bernadette Boas at sheddingthebitch.com. And I would love to include your area of interest in our conversations. So for everyone here in the Shedding the Bitch community, have a beautiful, wonderful, prosperous, rich week, and I will talk to you next Tuesday. Have a good week, everybody.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches To Riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.