How to Face Office Politics Explained!!

the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2998. Well, hello everyone. Happy day to you. Oh, as you can tell, I have a bit of a cold, but I hope your day is going well and your week is off to a great start. Start. I know mine is. I did spend the last, I would say, 3 or 4 days face down on either my bed or my couch suffering from God knows what. I mean, it's a beautiful, beautiful fall day, and it's been a beautiful fall several days in Atlanta. Returning home, I was in beautiful Omaha, Nebraska last week, and I don't know if you've been there, but it wasn't checked off my map of where, you know, my world travels. So I was glad to finally be able to check off Nebraska and specifically Omaha. And what I didn't realize and what was really cool was I kind of map and check off, you know, where I've traveled and, and kind of trying to hit all 50 states and all the countries. And if I just got the number of states wrong, don't sue me, but Nebraska and Iowa were, apart from the Dakotas, were like the last of the states within the United States that I needed to hit. And it was a nice surprise when going to dinner one night, I actually hit Iowa as well. Omaha is on the boundaries of Iowa, so I was able to check off two states. In my one visit to Omaha, and it was a, it was a very nice visit. Went out there to talk to a large room full of very highly motivated and energized HR directors and managers and executives, and it was so pleasant to have a room full of people who, if you think about it, HR has to have been through some challenging stressful times over the last few years. And yet you would never know it from not only this room full of people, but from this company. They were very, very motivated and energized, and from what I can tell, they were hiring and all was good in their world. So that was nice, that was nice. So I thank Omaha, Nebraska, and if any of you are listening, you know who you are, thank you very much for having me. Come out and speak to all of you. But I don't want to blame Omaha for my cold because actually my sister pointed out that every time I seem to, or I tend to, get a cold every time I come traveling back from a business trip. And so I started thinking about that, and actually she's right. I thought it was more the the week-long trips when I didn't drink a lot of water and I wasn't really paying attention to my diet and my sleep. But this was only a couple of day trip and I landed up face down, like I said, on my bed or on the couch for 3 or 4 days. So I'm glad to be back in the mix and I'm hoping you're having a great day too. And if you are interested in talking about office politics, which is our subject for today, Feel free to check in and call us at 1-818-572-2910. I'd love to hear your comments, your questions, your debates, your discussions, your situations you might be encountered with, because as I do travel around and I do speak these days on a lot of HR, leadership, conflict management, basically overall people development type of subjects, not only as a result of my book Shedding the Corporate Bitch, but also as a result of just my overall expertise and learnings and lessons learned and best practices of what I've been consulting and coaching on for many years. So this topic of conflict management, you could call it, if you want to be politically correct. But it's basically down, down and dirty office politics. Excuse me. And so I get a lot of questions and comments from individuals like yourselves, and this past week was very active in that, those discussions, because I've talked to— thank you very much for all to Kettering Executive Women, who had me come and speak to their organization last night, and then Empowering Women to Succeed, who I spoke to last week since we've spoken last. And a lot of times I get the basic questions like, how do I deal with a difficult person? Or how do I stop having, you know, someone humiliate me in public or out in front of my team, or whatever the case might be. And I also had posted to Facebook and Twitter asking for your questions and your comments and your situations you might be dealing with. And I certainly— you weren't shy about it. I certainly got an earful, so to speak, and therefore thought I would take some time today on the, on the show to talk about it and maybe address or give you a little piece of advice or tip or tool that you can use. Sometimes actually it's, it's something you don't want to hear. One of those things that people don't want to hear about is the fact that if you, you're not going to get the other person to change, or the company, or the culture, you have some decisions to make, or you need to be the one to change. So know that the one thing you do have in your control and your power is is how you respond and react to a particular situation and a particular event that might be going on that you might be encountering. So that said, I thought I would kind of address a few of the, a few of the situations that you've brought, you've brought to me and see if I can pose some, some suggestions and highlights for you. And I do want to mention before we dive into those those situations that are written out in front of me from you. Um, if we have recently just deployed our new website, sheddingthebitch.com, and what is unique and distinct about that is not only some enhancements that have been made to the overall look and feel, but at the same time we've implemented forums. We've implemented a place for you to come and and share with us and the community any type of comments or questions or advice or tips or situations or need for help that you would like. And it's broken— it's broken down— the forums are broken down by category. Right now, I believe out there is any type of business issue, whether it is corporately or entrepreneurially. Maybe you're looking for a job. And so you're looking for some advice, you can go out there and join that forum. There's also forums on relationships, there's forums around divorce, because what we're trying to do at Shedding the Bitch is to address any of those life and business issues that you deal with that might create some angst and attitude and negativity in your life, fears, insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, that you can then reach out to other individuals within the community And also, as we move forward, we'll add experts into the mix, both through the website that you can access as well as through those forums. And experts are more than welcome to join the forums. The only thing we will be monitoring is this is a forum for individuals to reach out to each other and collaborate and support one another. And therefore, we will not advocate and we would not accept any type of salesy type of collaboration on the site. Please keep it to helping individuals gain and grow and shift their lives. So we'll be looking to pushing that out and hoping and expecting to see a lot of activity going on. So check it out, sheddingthebitch.com. We'd love to have you join it, and we'd love to get your feedback as to how we can help you as we move forward. All right, so enough of the commercials. Diving into the whole list of questions and situations that you've posed to me, one of them has been— is someone that is dealing with a— I'm being nice when I say catty a catty woman, catty coworker in the workplace. It's outright, downright bullying when someone is flat-out humiliating you and calling you out in a public forum. And it's bad enough if the conversation or the, the complaint or the comments being made are true. It's even worse when someone's fabricating or flat-out making up and lying about an individual, pretty much defaming someone, especially in a public forum. And so they're trying to kind of reconcile what options they have. What options do they have in regards to, you know, dealing with this individual? And unfortunately, we, we get them in all kinds of in the workplace. We get them to be flat-out humiliators, like this individual appears to be doing, or we even get the manipulator, the one that kind of makes those snidey comments, but they do it in such a kind of a nice way, but you, you know, but it's kind of, you know, you know that it's just downright bullying, and maybe in a subtle way, but they do it with a smile on their face. Do you ever come across one of those individuals. So to my S— I'll just call her S— individual who is dealing with this, I'm sorry that you are, sorry that you have to deal with it, and especially if no one's coming to your defense, especially when it's done in a public forum. So what are the options? What are some things that you can do? Now I'm also often wanting to play both sides of the fence, helping the victim and then helping you understand the person, the abuser, the afflictor in this case. Just because the more you can understand that other person, you might be able to find ways to deal with that person. So, you know, I talk a lot here on Shedding the Bitch Radio about the fact that people don't lash out, people aren't cruel, people don't humiliate and demean other people just for the pure heck of it. They really don't. I mean, our souls are not nasty, you know, when we're first born. Something, you know, provoked us. Something was triggered in us. Some event, some tragedy, some circumstance, some person kind of helped us along in our path to bitchiness, as we say. And therefore One option, one option is to call them out on it, to call that individual who's kind of, you know, humiliating you and putting you up for public, you know, defamation, calling them out on it. Now, I wouldn't suggest to do it in public in any way, shape, or form. You don't want to— you don't— you definitely don't want to succumb to their behavior. And yet, at the same time, that's our first immediate reaction or response it's very knee-jerky, but it happens that we just want to lash back at them. And that is not going to do anything more than have other people actually look at you as the provoker and not the other person. And I heard an analogy earlier today, I think it was, maybe yesterday, that it's very much like sports. You know, if you ever watch football, which, you know, sitting on the couch all day Saturday and Sunday, what else is on TV but football? And the person who actually creates a foul is not as put on the block as the abuser, as the person who maybe, you know, then comes, you know, up and, you know, tackles that person who already just created a foul, you know, out of a pure knee-jerk reaction. Maybe they were already in high speed and they couldn't pull back, but, you know, the first person makes the foul, they're the ones who created the issue, right? And yet the second person comes and slams them to the ground. Well, the person actually who slammed them to the ground, maybe because they couldn't stop themselves, actually, you know, is more portrayed as the, the person in the wrong than the person who originally created the foul. So very much like that, if you react and you provoke or respond to that abuser or that bully, you actually might be perceived suddenly, if not maybe in the past you were as well, but suddenly you're perceived as the person creating the problem. So you don't want to do that. So my first, my first little tidbit of advice would be to take a deep breath and to not respond or react right there in that moment. And yet, like I said, playing the part of the abuser, you know, the bully, not knowing what is going on in their mindset that's creating them to lash out, because there's something going on. They may not know it, but there's something going on. You may want to just take a deep breath and confront them in a private setting and call them out on it. You know, I've had many people tell me, not necessarily address me in that state of mind when I was there, for many years. But, you know, just smile and say, oh, you know, is there something that happened today that's causing you to kind of be a little nasty, you know? Or is it your time of the month, you know, so to speak? So, and again, done in a private setting versus in a public setting, that type of question or comment is not going to be perceived as sneering as it would if you had done it in a public responded like that in a public setting. So you might want to kind of pull them aside, recognize that there might be something underlying that nastiness, and, and address it with that individual. So hopefully, you know, that would help. You might choose to even ignore it and ignore that person, woman or man. However, unfortunately, unless that is a one, once in a lifetime, or the first time that that person, you know, acted out in that way. Maybe they are having a really bad day and you just happen to be right there in their path, and in a public situation they lashed out at you. If it's a one-time thing, you might be able to excuse it, and in most cases that person's actually gonna apologize and ask for your forgiveness. If that person happens to just be that nasty person that you happen to confront, then you may, you know, you may choose to ignore that person. But unfortunately, if she is that repetitive bully, then ignoring her is not going to get her to go away. So you can ignore her, or you can then, you know, keep track, you know, make note of the situations, the circumstance, and the people that in the situation of when she kind of attacked you. And make note of it. Who was there? What was the situation? What was the setting? And at the same time, what was the attack on you verbally and hopefully not physically because, well, we don't have to go there. But even verbally. And track it. And when you see a pattern, address it. If not with her, because you probably won't be able to take care of it with her. Although there has been times I often wish someone would have come to me in my bitchy days and just kind of said, look, Bernadette, this is a pattern. What's going on? And if it's not you, then engage someone to help you with that. And, you know, many people will say, well, if I take it to HR, if I take it to their manager— yes, if you take it in a defensive, emotional way, then, you know, you are risking the chance that this individual might be very well-liked, might be in the clique, might be in the club, and therefore you might be setting yourself up for more trouble than, than not. However, if you take it to them in a very objective, unemotional way— look, this is the pattern I'm seeing, these are the situations, these are the people other than myself that were involved, or at least, you know, part of the setting, and, you know, I think there's something more to it, and therefore, is this something that you can help me get addressed? If you do take it in an emotional or in an unemotional, objective way to a manager or an HR person, and if they have any credibility and integrity at all, regardless if this person is liked, highly productive, part of the boys club, you know, part of the political, you know, environment of your company, then if they have one ounce of, you know, salt in their bones, then they're going to address it in the same manner. And help you get it addressed. And they should look at it— all you HR directors out there, since I'm talking to a lot of you these days— you might want to look at it as even if this person is in the clique, is in the club, this person's not going to get as far as they want to having a bully, bitchy, nasty type of attitude. It will eventually catch up with them. And yet your job, as well as manager's job, is to consider the company, the culture, the teams, and the people that you're responsible for. And it is eroding on that. It is taking away from the productivity and the morale and, and the effectiveness of your people. And therefore, regardless of alliances and affiliations, you would want to get this addressed. You would want to make sure that that person also has the opportunity to change and shift themselves, and it is your responsibility to help that along. So Miss S, that, you know, that is dealing with a person who is kind of defaming her and humiliating you in public, You, you know, you again, you have the options. You can confront her directly. You can ignore, though I promise you that it won't go away if they're, you know, a regular abuser. You can then take it unemotionally and objectively to your HR or manager to get the help, help them address the situation. And then after that, really the only option is to, uh, decide whether or not that's an environment. Even maybe it's just a team, maybe it's just a department, uh, in the larger organization, and therefore you switch jobs, you switch teams, you switch, uh, divisions, departments, or you switch companies. And that's a decision that you have to make, uh, because the one thing too about this topic as a whole is yes, if you can't get the other person to change, which, you know, girls, you know, we always say that, you know, we, we want, you know, to change the guy, and yet that never happens because it is hard to change the other person. It's not your job to change the other person, and therefore the only person that really needs to change and adapt is you. And if you can't, or you don't want to, or it's going to take you away from your values and your core beliefs system and all that, then you shouldn't, and therefore you have to make a bigger decision and a harder decision. All right, so Miss S, I hope that helps. And I will be recapping these tips and the, the questions and the responses that you have— any of you have provided me, whether it's been on Facebook or Twitter or on our blog. I will make sure that we recap these tips and advice for you as well. Okay, um, the next situation is if a boss— if you are in a company and your boss, maybe even your HR department, really doesn't support you and doesn't support your purpose and your goals and your progression plan that you want, how do you How do you deal with that and how do you not take it personally if you're not supported? Well, that kind of has a little contradiction in there. First off, you know, the fact that HR is not supporting you, that should be kind of a red flag right there. If your own company, your own culture doesn't support you as an employee, then then that should be a red flag flying high up in the sky for you as to whether or not this is the right company that you're working with. Now, it just depends upon— and you don't really give me much detail beyond that— it really depends upon what you mean by support. So for instance, let's— I'll have to make some assumptions, unfortunately. Support you if you If you have a developmental plan and you have a kind of progression plan for yourself, and you— I would hope everybody does, and their HR organization supports them having a plan and a developmental roadmap for themselves. Then if you have that and you're not getting the support that you need, meaning that your manager isn't giving you the projects or the responsibilities or the tasks to help you progress along that line, then you definitely need to have a hard conversation with your manager. And if not your manager, then either their manager or HR, whatever your chain of report is, or whatever your— actually, your process might be. Because some companies that I work with, they have, you know, the manager, the manager, the manager, and and then others have to the manager, to an HR representative, maybe within their team or within the organization that is directly aligned to any developmental plans for an employee. So if you're talking about that you're not being supported in that respect, then definitely get that addressed with your manager and your HR person. And if they are not supporting you, you really need to dig, dig into why. Are you in the right position for the skills and the talents and the capabilities that you possess? Really, you want to understand that anyway for yourself, let alone for your manager and your HR person. Does your personal developmental plan, professional developmental plan, support your position? Meaning, you know, is it aligned? I've often run into team members that they're in one particular job and yet their progression plan doesn't even align to it. It's kind of like, how did that even happen? That, you know, their job really isn't a managerial type of progression, for instance, and yet that's what their expectation, the individual's expectation. Well, that's just a total miscommunication, disconnect between yourself and your manager, or maybe HR, whoever defines those progression plans for yourself. So you just, you really simply, if it is about your developmental plan, if that's what you mean by support, then you just need to have a conversation with your manager and HR. And then if you're saying that they're not supporting that dialogue, you know, then it could be getting your, the manager's manager involved. Or again, you have to determine whether or not it's a company and an environment that you want to work with. So clear expectations, clear goals and objectives, clear developmental plans if that's what you're speaking of. If you're talking that you are in a situation like we're talking about in regards to politics and bullying and dealing with difficult people in the workplace and you're not being supported, again, if it's your manager not supporting you, then, then I would definitely get either their manager or HR involved. If it's HR's not supporting you and not backing you like we talked about with Miss S, then I, you know, again, you have some decisions to make. Can you get legal involved? That would all depend because I know that was one notation that was made for, from this individual regarding them not being supported. Again, I don't, you didn't provide me enough information, but I definitely wanted to make sure that I addressed your your comments. So if you wanted to, um, Miss P, if you wanted to reach back to me and give me a little bit more details, I would love to, to help you with some specific advice and guidance. But lack of support is a dialogue, is getting someone engaged with you. And if you're not getting, getting that individual to engage with you, then try to seek someone else out either in your direct group or in the HR organization. And then if beyond all of that, all the attempts you've tried, you're still not getting support, then it might be something for— it might be something for a different company, a different culture. But don't take it personally. The one thing I want to stress in our last minute and a half is, you know, if you're the victim of office politics, You just need to work your way out of it in any way, shape, or form that's productive to you so you're not negatively impacted by it emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, and business-wise. Office politics is not something any of us want to deal with. And if you want to learn more, then definitely go out to sheddingthebitch.com. We're going to have a lot of resources out there around this subject. And then check back in at Shedding the Bitch Radio here every Tuesday at noon because we want to be talking about this more often because we want to help you have a productive, rich, and healthy life. So this is Bernadette Boas with Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thank you so much for joining us today, and we'll look forward to having you back here next Tuesday. Check out our new website, sheddingthebitch.com, and the forums that we have for you. Take care, everybody. Have a great and rich day.