How to Use Authenticity to Challenge the Status Quo with Prateek Singhal

Do you fear being authentic in the workplace will cause you to be rejected or judged? Are you allowing others to be authentic, or is self-doubt and imposter syndrome wreaking havoc on your confidence and bravery leading in authenticity? Prateek Seval has coached leaders around the globe who have achieved tremendous career success and meaning in their life by taking care of their well-being. And one of those key success factors he will discuss is being authentically you in the workplace and in your life. It is a win-win for everybody, your team, your business, and yourself. We are digging in deep to transform you into an authentic powerhouse leader. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shading the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders. By showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Prateek, how are you? So nice to have you join me.

I'm doing great. Thanks for having me, Bernadette. How are you?

I am fabulous. And where are you hailing from on this beautiful day?

I'm in the San Francisco area.

Oh, sweet, sweet.

All right.

I'm in Atlanta, Georgia.

All right.

Yes. So spring has kicked in and almost summer is here.

It feels like summer here because it's 85 degrees outside right now.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Yes. You get into summer even faster than we do.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, before we jump into all the business stuff, why don't you tell our listeners and viewers a little bit about you, even outside of the workplace?

Sure. So, hey everyone, I'm Prateek. I grew up in India. I've been living in California for about 14 years. For most of that time, I've worked in the tech industry in a variety of strategy and operations roles, startups and large companies. And for the last year, I've been, I've been working as an executive coach. So I work with a lot of CEO founders. I work with executives at larger companies as well as startups on a variety of personal leadership challenges or organizational topics sort of across the spectrum. And I mentioned earlier, I live in the San Francisco area with my wife and a 6-year-old.

Oh, sweet. Oh, how nice. And I love this topic today because just like you said, you work with so many founding owners and executives, and they often deal with trying to kind of bring themselves into the workplace, you know, as opposed to being told, like, leave your emotions at the door. They want to— they're begging, aren't they, to just be themselves not only at home and with their friends and community, but at the workplace. So share with us a little bit in regards to that, as well as what do you think this status quo is that we're challenging today?

That's such an important question because I see a lot of people sort of having maybe two different schools of thought. So oftentimes people feel that bringing their whole selves to work, bringing their emotions into work perhaps makes people soft or makes them weak or makes them not focused enough on the, on like, on work, on like, on work, work. On the other hand, there are people who want to bring their whole selves to work, who want to bring in their emotions, want to really express themselves. But they fear that doing that may hamper their growth or hamper their progress or their perception. And the reality is that none of those views are true. You bring yourself, bring your whole selves to work is really what you need to do to be happy at work, be the most fulfilled you can at work, and to be successful at work. There's a lot of research on this topic that if you're not bringing your whole selves to work and if you sort of have this wall between who you are and what your work is, Yeah, you can keep going for a while and you can do well for a while, but in the long term, that will lead to either burnout or dissatisfaction, or just you'll hit a wall because you're not being you at work. So if you really focus on the long term, you want to be successful and happy in the long term at work, you really need to express yourself fully at work.

So what does it look like when someone is themselves at home and they're not being themselves in the workplace?

You know, it can manifest in so many different ways. Sometimes, you know, people feel that they have to be a different person at work or sort of express part of their personality at work and not the other part. And like I said earlier, that might work for a while. And that sometimes gives people a false sense of reinforcement that, yeah, you know what, this is working and I'm actually doing well and let me just keep doing that. But at some point you hit a wall. The other thing that, that often happens is people pick up on it. And, you know, people may not know exactly what's going on, but they might sense something. They might sense that— they might sense a certain shallowness. They might sense a certain, yeah, you know what, I don't really get this person, something along those lines. They may not know exactly what's going on with you. They may not know that you don't feel that you can express yourself fully at work and things of that nature. But it affects your relationship. It affects your influence at work. It affects the level of trust you can have with people.

Right. So let me paint a picture and let me know whether or not you come across this in the workplace. So there's somebody in their regular life, in their outside of work life, and they're extremely compassionate and empathetic and very emotional. And they're just very, you know, giving and whatnot. And as they walk through the parking lot, you know, and they walk into their office or they turn on Zoom, all of a sudden they're this like straight up, you know, polished, made up, rigid, kind of very difficult type of individual and personality. Is that kind of what we're talking about when it comes to, you know, kind of not being yourself in the workplace?

That's a good example of it. Yes. You know, where, where somebody feels that there are certain characteristics, certain, certain values that they have perhaps that may not be looked upon favorably at work. And so they choose to leave, leave those values out. So in this case, they may be values of empathy and compassion. In other cases, they may be different values. They may be values of perhaps candor or service or something else. It could be anything. Yeah, and it sort of creates a bit of a conflict because if they are really fundamental values of yours, they will try to surface themselves. And that's where sort of you feel the tension and others, some kind of inconsistency in your behavior, in your work. Yeah. And then sort of over time it snowballs into an outcome that perhaps nobody wants.

Sure. Well, and one example I just want to make sure that we all kind of keep in our minds as we talk through this about being authentic. And challenging the status quo is I am often asked whether or not women, and me specifically, felt like I needed to man up in the workplace. And if there's an example that women can relate to and turn on easily when it comes to understanding this conversation, I would have you lean on— to our listeners and our viewers, I would have you lean on that. What we're talking about and what Prateek is offering is the fact that you don't necessarily need to turn on or man up or whatever, you know, bitch up, whatever you want to call it. You don't need to change who you are, you know, in order to really succeed in the workplace. So let me ask you something based on that. So is the environment that they work in is requiring a certain mode of operation, and yet if they want to be their true self, they're going to have to work against that, so to speak. What do they do around that? How do they work that?

Yeah, so I can think of so many different angles to it. The first thing I'll say is when we say bring your whole self to work or be authentic, there is a balancing element of it, which is being adaptable. Being your true self doesn't necessarily mean being rigid or not being open to other people's needs. So, you know, you can be authentic, but if you really want to be the most effective, you have to also be responsive to what other people's authentic selves are. And sometimes that may mean stretching yourself, pushing yourself, doing things that don't come naturally to you. So being authentic, being yourself doesn't necessarily mean not taking risks, not pushing yourselves. So that's the first thing I would say. You know, there's a good example that comes to mind around the topic of psychological safety, for example. So in the current work environment, and I don't necessarily mean to generalize, but I would say, you know, a lot of companies really value outcomes, really value success. So if you are working on a project, you'll be rewarded if you are successful, if the project delivers results. Which makes sense. There's a growing, I wouldn't say movement, but there's a growing sense of belief that what we really need to value is not necessarily the outcome. So in this case, a successful project, but the effort, which is, did you put in the effort that was supposed to be put in? And if that effort succeeded, great. But if that effort didn't succeed, were you transparent about the failure? Did we learn from the failure? And do we have the mechanisms in place to avoid the same mistake again? And, you know, the CEO of Google, Sundar Pichai, actually, he gave a talk, I think last year, at Stanford, where he talked about this, where he said, we want to shift Google to rewarding effort instead of outcome. And that sort of goes back to this principle of psychological safety. Where, as opposed to saying, oh, we have to succeed at all costs and failure is bad, you sort of create a culture where you say it's okay to fail as long as, as long as you learn from it, as long as you don't repeat the same mistake again, and as long as we are transparent about it.

Does that have any linkage though? Because what's jumping out for me is, does that have any linkage to the environment between like Parents and children and school and children where everyone was all of a sudden given the trophy because it was a, you know, it was a contribution award. There wasn't winners or losers. Everybody won. And yet, you know, for many of us, especially us older folk who, you know, was raised on, you know, there's a winner and there's a loser and you have to put in your best effort to your, you know, to this conversation. Is there any linkage between that or is that not? No, that's not what we're saying. We're really meaning that we don't want to overlook that someone might have done everything that they could. And yet due to circumstances out of their control, we just didn't meet the objective and therefore we shouldn't ding them for not achieving the goal, but look at it because of the effort they put into it.

Yeah, that's, that's a, that's a really important clarification. To be very clear, it's not, I'm not saying success or failure don't matter. You know, it's, yeah, you can succeed or you can fail, like, who cares? That's not really the point here. Success is good, obviously, but as long as you fail in the, in the right way, that's something— there is this value there as well. As long as you are being transparent about it, as long as you are clear on understanding why did we fail, what could we have done differently, and not penalizing people for it, that's really important because if failure is looked down upon, then you sort of create a culture where people are afraid of failure, where everybody feels the desire, feels the need to be perfect. And that then leads to a lack of transparency in the organization where everybody is just trying to, again, paint everything in the best possible light. And yeah, and then that, that itself can become fodder for the next failure.

Right, right. No, perfect. So happy you made that delineation. Absolutely. So I love the whole adaptability subject. So is that not only adapting to the environment, but even the people that you're working with, being a leader needing to— they have 5 employees sitting in front of them, but each one of them needs different things and they're different personality styles. Does adaptability also come into play with that as far as a leader needs to be cognizant of Tell us about that.

Yeah, absolutely. Let me actually give the, give an example of one of my clients that I was, that I've been working with. So she's an executive at a mid-sized company, and she is by nature a very kind and supportive person. And one of the, one of the ways that shows up in her work is when she's working with her team, she's really great at giving positive feedback This is what's going well, this is what you need to do more of, and so on. And that's really worked for her. It's brought her so far into her career. But she's reluctant to be direct and give critical feedback when things are not going well because from her point of view, it's not being supportive, it's not being kind. She's received feedback from her team where her team wants her to be more direct and tell her what they're not doing well and where things are not great and so on. And so I'm working with her on developing that dimension of her toolkit. So that's an example of, on one hand, you want to be true to who you are, but sometimes you do need to stress, sometimes you do need to sort of develop behaviors that don't come naturally to you. And that's not necessarily in conflict with authentic, because in this case, by giving critical feedback more directly, sort of the impulse, the first reaction may be, oh, I'm— maybe I'm not being kind. But if you really think about it more deeply, it is the kind thing to do. It is the kind thing to tell people where they are not performing as well as they can be so that they get the opportunity to work on it and grow and develop their careers, right? So, so that, so that initial impulse maybe tell you, oh, you know what, this is uncomfortable, but it's important to take the right signal from it and not interpret it the wrong way.

Sure. Well, because the worst thing that could happen is, you know, something comes up, maybe it's written in a performance review or they're dinged for something they were never told about because someone was insecure about being direct. And that's not fair to anybody.

Exactly.

Wow. Okay. All right. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. You talk, and I'm sure you run into it a lot in your work, around imposter syndrome and self-doubt that leaders feel. Yet, many people will kind of look at leaders in their suits or their high heels and they'll think, "Oh, no. They are never insecure. They never doubt themselves or beat themselves up." We know that that's so not true. So what is it that is causing them to really doubt themselves?

Yeah, it's very common. And I mean, I've seen sort of numbers all over the map, you know, as high as 2 out of 3 successful leaders have suffered from imposter syndrome at some point in their careers, right? So it seems like a very common thing, yet it's one of those things that is not really talked about openly, right? So, you know, there may be 2 people sitting in a room or 10 people sitting in a room,. And a lot of them may be thinking about this sort of themselves internally, but it's not on the table. It's not being discussed openly. And that's really what sort of perpetuates this even more. So imposter syndrome and self-doubt is extremely common. And it's, you know, it sort of goes back to, you see the part of people that they're choosing to show to the world that may not include the part of them that is unsure, that is, that they perceive as being weak, that they perceive as being unsuccessful, and, and so on. I always advise my client, there's a whole set of things that you can do to tackle imposter syndrome, but it really starts with understanding the trigger, understanding what is it that triggers this feeling in me, sort of, what is it, is there a particular situation, is it a particular kind of Is it a particular behavior? That's really sort of how you start to solve it. And I'm happy to go into more if it's helpful.

Well, I'd love to because, so let me throw out something to you. So I would expect that it could come up a lot when someone is just promoted and maybe it's a significant promotion. Maybe they went from not managing people or managing just a couple to now managing a lot of people. And they're in a position where they're in a room all of a sudden with the higher-ups and, you know, and they just are sitting there. And what does it look like when they start really internalizing and self-doubting and letting that posture come out? What are they thinking as they're sitting in that room?

Yeah, it happens quite often in the context of promotions. It also— I've seen this happen in the context of joining a new organization, joining a new team where everybody else seems to know more than you because they've been there for a while. Happens in the context of moving geographies or moving industries and so on. It happens in the context of sort of coming from a different culture sometimes as well, where everybody else seems to be communicating in a certain way with each other and you feel like you just cannot sort of communicate, cannot pierce that circle. And, you know, if that kicks in, the more you believe that you're not worthy of being at the table, that you haven't earned it, the more you can sort of create a shell around yourself. Yeah. And then that obviously sort of can lead you down a negative spiral where you are sort of participating even less and contributing even less. And that then feeds this disbelief that wasn't necessarily grounded in facts to start with. It feeds this belief that you're not worthy. Of being there.

So the story that they're telling them is, I haven't earned this, I don't belong here. What are the stories they're telling themselves?

Yeah. So, you know, oftentimes the story is some version of, I haven't earned this. Somebody made a mistake by putting me here, right? I didn't earn that promotion. I faked it. And I sort of, you know, people, people thought I was great, but I'm really not. Or, you know, people gave me this job, but I didn't really earn it. I just did well on my interview. I fooled everybody, right? So it's really, it's really, you know, giving this voice in their head, the story in their head is giving weight to sort of all the negative memories, beliefs that they may have about themselves, and suppressing all of the positive, all of the contradictory evidence that they have. This voice is kind of forcing them to not think about, you know what, no, I am actually great. I did earn this promotion because I did X, Y, and Z. I did work on that great project, and I really helped this company out.

Yeah, I love that. And you used the word I was hoping you'd use, and that was evidence. So let me just share with you, I suffered from imposter syndrome intensely. No one would see it on the outside. I mean, I walked and talked and behaved and acted like this very strong, dominating individual. And yet, in the inside, I was just mush. It's so funny that you should say evidence because it wasn't until someone had me thinking about, "Wait a minute." I literally was almost at the VP level, going into a chief knowledge officer type of role. And someone's like, "What do you mean you don't deserve it or haven't earned it? I mean, look at the steps. Look at the ladder below you as far as how far you've come." And when they use that word evidence, and I'd love for you to elaborate on that, when they use the word find the evidence, to me, that kind of just turned a switch that made me from that day on, kind of never allow myself to sit in self-doubt because I would always just seek out the evidence. So could you elaborate on that a little bit?

Sure. So I think what evidence means is really sort of trying to force yourself to almost create two columns. This could be in your mind, could be on a piece of paper. So column one is, if you're suffering from the self-doubt, this will come more naturally. Column 1 is sort of all the things that you believe that are wrong with you. Column 2 is— and this is where you really have to force yourself— Column 2 is all the things that sort of support you being in that position. I have these skills, I have these contributions, I have these achievements, and here's why I am worthy. And once you make that list, it starts to become clearer that you have a track record, you have a list of achievements, that prove that you deserve to be there. Now, just making that list, just getting that evidence may not flip a switch and suddenly your imposter syndrome is gone and suddenly you believe that, great, I'm here and I'm worthy. But it is, it is a step in that direction.

Right, right.

Once you've made that, it's also important to then construct an alternate belief. So what is this evidence telling me What is the real story here that I can try to learn? And again, it's not— it's usually not— sometimes it is, but usually it's not a flip of a switch where you have this alternate story and your mind starts believing it, or your heart starts believing it. You may know it analytically, right? But it does take some practice and coming back to that evidence to reinforce that story each time you have that, that self-doubt reappear in your mind.

Yeah, no, I love that. And that's a great tool for somebody to use, are those 3 columns. That's awesome. All right, so now all of this about an individual, how they're internalizing and then projecting things and feeling and wanting to be authentic, it's not only important to them, right? Isn't it important to like their people? And you mentioned psychological safety. You know, isn't it— doesn't it then kind of bleed over into everyone around them, especially in the workplace and at home?

Yeah, absolutely. If you are bringing all of yourself to work, it makes you a more effective— whatever role you're being— makes you a more effective manager, leader, executive, what have you. And if you are a more effective leader, who is happier, more fulfilled, more successful, as a consequence of that, or perhaps as a part of that, you are able to have deeper relationships with people. You are able to have greater trust with people. You are able to sort of create a culture, if you're a people manager, create a culture where other people feel that they can bring their whole selves to work.. And that makes them more fulfilled and happier and more productive. So it really starts with you, but it really, really can have transformational impact on the organization that you're a part of.

Right. That's awesome. Now, how did you get into this area of work? Why is it important to you?

Yeah, it's been a journey. You know, these things are, you know, you hear people talking, talk about it and this sort of makes sense, but at least in my case, it took a while for me to get to a stage where I was ready to take action. So, you know, in my career, I have enjoyed two things. I've enjoyed, in addition to being a participant in sort of organizational dynamics and human behavior, I've enjoyed being an observer of it. I've enjoyed observing people and how they behave and why they do that and what are the consequences of that. And then I've also, I also really drive a lot of value from, a lot of energy from helping people become more successful, become more productive. Yeah, like I said earlier, after being an executive in the technology industry for a while, I decided that I wanted to do something that would help me do these two things that I mentioned more directly, where I could sort of lean in more directly on my skill as being an observer of people, being a student of human behavior and use them in service of making people more successful and happier. And that's what really led me down, down this path. And, you know, I've been fortunate to have, you know, support of a lot of mentors, a lot of people that I've learned from along the way. And I'm now able to use that to help my clients.

Sweet. So if there was one tip of what someone can do right now to start working on challenging the status quo by being authentic, what would it be?

Yeah, I would say take a risk. You can start with— it always feels uncomfortable. You may fear the negative consequences. You don't have to start with something big. You can start small, right? But so think about, hey, what— like tomorrow when I go into work, what is one meeting, one interaction, one area where I want to bring more of myself into work? And you can start with something that is not ultra consequential, where if you feel that if it doesn't work, it's not going to be career limiting for me, you can start there, see how it feels, see what the impact on others is, and then you can kind of build, you know, go from there. And I would be willing to bet that, you know, if folks do that, it's going to give them the positive reinforcement and sort of make them go, you know what, that felt scary going in, but I feel so much happier and so much at peace after I did that. And I'm going to, I'm going to go even bigger the next day.

Nice. Love it.

Yeah. So you have to start somewhere and somewhere can be, it can be a small thing, but take a risk, start somewhere.

Awesome, Preeti. I thank you so much. That was great. And everyone, you absolutely, this is your first step actually, everybody is go to purge.academy and learn all about him and the work that he's doing and how you can reach out to him and certainly follow him. On LinkedIn and Twitter @prateeksinghal1. So it's P-R-A-T-E-E-K-S-I-N-G-H-A-L-1 for those listening. And be sure to reach out to him, but I'm gonna have all of these links and beyond. I'll have additional links for him and the work that he's doing in the show notes when this episode gets broadcasted. Prateek, thank you so much. I so appreciate you spending time with us.

Thank you for having me, Bernadette. This was so much fun, and I appreciate the opportunity.

Absolutely. Absolutely. We will talk soon.

Good afternoon. Wow.

Okay. Prateek is extremely authentic himself. And so what a great conversation to help you challenge the status quo of being authentically you in the workplace. So I took away a couple of key points. Points, and I wonder what you took away yourself. I took away his conversation around finding the evidence, and he described almost like a piece of paper with 3 columns. The first one being all of those stories you're telling yourself of self-doubt that's causing imposter syndrome, so forth and so on. The next one being kind of the evidence. What are all of those accomplishments and events and encounters and awards and promotions and accolades that you've received, skills, talents, and traits that got you where you are today, that is evidence that you have no reason to have those self-doubts. And then in the last column, he described rewriting your story, coming up with alternative stories that you tell yourself instead of the ones that you have been doing. I also love the fact because I somewhat made it seem like because I literally said I, you know, a switch went off. And in a lot of regards, that, that is true. But he made a point to kind of come back and say it will take time. It's not as if you're going to do this exercise and write out these things and even look over those alternative stories and all of a sudden your imposter syndrome or self-doubt or low self-esteem is going to go away. It's going to take time. And that is so very true. So I thought that was a huge And then I loved what he was talking about adaptability, adapting yourself. It's not changing who you are. It's not, not being authentic to have to push yourself and stretch yourself to adapt as your authentic self into areas that you're not accustomed to. And one of those areas he talked about was giving critical feedback. You know, not many people like doing it and you may not like it, At the same time, your role requires it. Therefore, adapt your style and adapt your authentic self by learning those skills and ensuring that you're able to execute against them while being yourself at the same time. I absolutely love that. What did you take away from it? I hope you took away a lot because it was a great conversation and you certainly don't deserve to ever self-doubt, to ever be insecure, and you deserve to honor your riches and be that powerhouse leader that you're always meant to be. So thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us this week. If you have any challenges yourself in trying to figure out how to overcome any kind of challenge that you're having in the workplace, having in your leadership style, having with your team, then book a call with me. Go to coachmebernadette.com/discoverycall and let's have a conversation. All right? And until the next time, have a great, great week. Bye.