How to Walk the Talk and Lead By Example

Why is it so hard to lead by example? You may think you do, but too often the example being set is actually screaming to others, including your employees, things like, "I don't have time to engage with you. I just need you to do the job," or, "Do as I say, not as I do." Can you relate? Well, leading by example is just that. It's setting an example through your behaviors, your actions, your words, your values, your attitude for others to follow. And it establishes a standard that is considered acceptable by others, including your employees, as how they too can be showing up and behaving. Well, you have to be really careful about that. How you communicate, how you treat others, how you show up or not show up each and every day, or how you keep your commitments. Are all in display for others to copy and mirror. So in this episode, I want to share with you the key aspects of leading by example and talk about the benefits and the impacts and provide you some tips and strategies for how you could be showing up each and every day and leading in such a way that others do want to follow, and they're showing up in such a way that they want to emulate how you are leading by example. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm, along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Follow Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Let's do this. Over the last several episodes, I've been talking about the work I've been doing over the last 5 or 6 months, talking to hundreds of workers and their managers about things like what do the workers need to really show up and be productive and motivated and want to take the leadership from the people that they report to, as well talking to the managers to really understand, OK, so what do you feel and what do you believe it to be your role and responsibility as a leader with your people? And one of the key pieces of feedback that come back as what is needed for workers from their managers and their managers from their own managers is that they need their managers to be leading by example. So then they know what is acceptable and they, they know what the expectations are as far as how one behaves, how one communicates, the actions that they take, the values that they really demonstrate, and the attitude that is going to make them successful individually and then collectively as a team. And so I got to thinking, all right, so let's have this discussion around leading by example. What does that actually mean? What does it look like? Well, some key aspects of leading by example are things like modeling the desired qualities and values that you want and you expect and that you actually also live by. And so the qualities, the values, the mindset, the attitude that could come down to, you know, things like integrity, respect, trust, positivity, dedication, inclusiveness, engagement, and really understanding what are those values and qualities and that mindset that you even want from your own leaders. Therefore, if you expect and want that from others, then shouldn't you expect that your own people want it from you. So the first key aspect would be modeling your desired qualities and values that you also want your people to demonstrate as well and show up and live by each and every day. The other thing would be, which a lot of the employees talked about, was walk the talk. You know, the leader aligns through their words and through their actions. So, and actually, the actions are more important to people than their words. So, for example, uh, a great many employees feel that their bosses will make promises or will say something that they'll take care of, and yet they don't follow through, or they don't show up with it, or they never make that decision. And so what you say Certainly is important, and how you say it is even more important, but the real key thing is the actual action you take from those words that you speak. All right, and one aspect of this as well, uh, that I hear all the time is from workers is, I just want to be heard. I just want to have them listen to me and really hear me, not just listen to me and nod their head and act as if kind of they really care or they understand or that they're considering whatever it is that's being said. But they want them to really, you know, the word active listening is overused, but they want to really have their voices, their ideas, their issues, their solutions, their innovations. They want them to be considered because you know what? They have a lot to contribute. They have a lot of value to bring to the table. And yet too often managers, one, feel as if, well, you know, I am the boss, I know what's best for you. Beyond you talking, talking, talking, what they're looking at and what they're also going to then mirror or emulate is whether or not the just the talking is actually put into action. All right. So apart from modeling the desired qualities and values that you live by and you want others to live by, you also want to ensure that you're walking the talk. The other big, you know, aspect of leading by example is to be accountable. You know, if you make a mistake, if you screw up, if you don't do something that you were told that you were going to be doing, or you didn't follow through on something that you made a commitment to, Acknowledge it. Just kind of like, be— take ownership. Be brave. Be, you know, the man or the woman that you are, or you should be, and be like, yeah, that, that was me, that's on me. And be sure that, you know, you're not deflecting, you're not blaming, you're not ignoring, you're not avoiding, um, but that you are being truly accountable to your actions. Because again, if you won't take blame, if you won't admit fault, if you won't accept consequences, if you are going to be hypocritical to then how you expect others to take accountability themselves, well then you're certainly not walking the talk, right? You're certainly not modeling the qualities and the values that you feel that are important. So you really want to ensure that As much as you hold other people accountable, it starts with you and you have to be accountable first. All right. And then of course, there's always, as a leader, to inspire others. You might hear the term lead from the back. Well, you know, the old days of leading from the front. I'm a leader. You know, I— they need to follow me. Well, that's old school. And if you really want to be a transformative leader and a powerhouse leader, then you want to recognize that you inspiring, developing, coaching, lifting up others, allowing them to lead, allowing them to, you know, take ownership, allowing them to take risks, even screwing up, but at least they're, they're learning from it. And so by you inspiring them, that is definitely an example being set that they then will trickle down to others that they're leading or even partnering and teaming with. So inspire others is a real key aspect of leading by example. And then the next one would be create a culture of how you want those qualities and those values and that mindset to show up. Create a culture of those things that you find you want from your own leaders and that you then want to trickle down. As I said earlier, down to your own people. So discuss them, be open and transparent about the qualities and the values that are important to you, the traits and the characteristics of an individual that are important to you, and ensure that that, that is then emulated in your actions, behaviors, words, so forth and so on. But at the same time, it's communicated, understood, and then demonstrated by those around you. So if you can create a culture based on leading by example, and then you inspire others and walk the talk and really model your desired values and qualities, then you're going to be setting yourself up and your teams— you're going to be setting them up for great success. And then lastly, and it's actually the foundation of a highly functional team, and a highly powerhouse team is to really ensure to build trust into your team and organization. And again, that's going to be by walking the talk, uh, and really kind of showing up the way you want to be treated. It's almost like the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. But build that foundation of trust, transparency, openness, uh, creativity, uh, inclusiveness. You know, no idea is a bad idea. Uh, and if you create that trust foundation, then any other kind of obstacle or team, um, challenge that you might have will be easily resolved and taken care of and actually enriched. Um, because trust is the hardest thing to ensure that you have ingrained in your culture, even within your own team, let alone the organization culture. And therefore, if you can focus on building that trust, you know, between your actions, your words, your behaviors, your attitudes, you treat everyone fairly and equally, and you build credibility into what yourself and others are doing, even through recognition and appreciation, then you pretty much have leadership nailed down. But it's not easy. It's not easy. A lot of the feedback that I've gotten is there's, you know, two main camps. The majority, the really big camp is, you know, I don't share openly my real feelings about my manager or about my team member or about the company as a whole due to fear of retaliation or rejection or ridicule in some way, shape, or form. And that there was this other camp, much smaller though, that their people were like, oh yeah, we could say anything and everything to each other and never even consider any consequence or any, you know, um, lashing back or anything coming from it. Um, it will be heard, it will be considered. You know, there may be challenges with whether or not anything happens from it, but that's for another discussion. But at the same time, from a trust perspective, they pretty much have that nailed down. So my goal and objective as a coach is to really help, you know, bring that big gap of not necessarily, you know, having a foundation of trust over to the right, shifting it over into that smaller camp where transparency and openness and truth and honesty is not only acceptable, but it's welcomed because they recognize that that type of feedback only results in transformation and growth. Key aspects of really leading by example is know the qualities and the values and the mindset that are important to you, that you want others to show up and, and treat you with. And therefore ensure that others know what— that those things are important to you. But more importantly, the next one being walk the talk, like actually act on all of that, not just through your words, but through your behavior and your actions, uh, to, to model and instill that. And then of course, be accountable. Not only hold people accountable, but you also be accountable. Inspire others to be their best that they can be, recognizing that everyone has both beauty marks and warts, as I call it. And, you know, develop them, coach them, lead them in such a way they feel empowered to also emulate how you're showing up. And then create that culture based on your qualities and values, based on walking the talk and, and being accountable. Build that culture that everyone understands that this is how we're all going to be successful and we're all going to be a powerhouse team by doing that. And then, of course, the foundation is ensuring that you have a culture of trust, that your people can come to you and talk to you and share with you and even argue with you, but also cry and laugh and support each other. Because it's a beautiful, beautiful thing when you have that degree of openness within your team. Let's talk briefly about the benefits and the impacts of either leading by example or not. All right. So obviously, the benefits: you have an empowered team. You have a team that feels trusted, that feels important, that feels like they belong, that are included. Are heard, are listened to, are considered. They even are accountable. They'll take the constructive, even hard feedback with great importance and great priority because of the fact that if you're building this trust-based, you know, culture, then, you know, there's nothing for them to kind of complain about or, or knee-jerk react to because of the fact that you are demonstrating and you are showing up each and every day being very open, very transparent, very engaging, very supportive, very, you know, mentoring and coach-focused, so forth and so on. So the benefit, you know, is that they feel very grounded, very safe, very secure. You know, your employees just feel as if, you know, they really enjoy showing up to work every day because as hard as it might be, or if there is a crappy day, you know, that they get themselves into, or it just happens, then they just know that not only their boss, but even the people around them and the culture supports, you know, lifting them up and taking care of them. Keep in mind, too, You know, the benefits from, you know, from them and for them is also what you want. You know, when I asked the managers about their managers, because they all have them, right, even all the way up to, you know, to a board, everyone has someone that they're looking for, for, or from, you know, to lead by example. So they— managers would even say, well, I want them to show up. Be accountable, be trusting, trust me, give me feedback. Well, again, if that's what you're looking for, then why wouldn't you think that your people are looking for it from you? All right. So everybody wins when you're building this culture that's really based on leading by example. All right, the negative impacts. Well, you know, how do you feel when, you know, your boss doesn't take accountability? When your boss isn't trusted in, you know, you may be sharing something with them, or you feel insecure or fearful or paranoid about being upfront and honest and raising up issues and concerns or differences of opinion? How do you feel when, when your boss doesn't show up on a regular basis, or when some other boss or manager or You know, superior. I haven't used that word in a long time. But how do you feel when they don't follow through on what it is that they're supposed to be doing? So the negative impacts are great, are significant, not only to you but to your employees and even up the ladder throughout the organization. To the culture, there's some severe impacts that will happen. It will all of a sudden erode morale, erode collaboration, communication, engagement, buy-in, commitment, dedication, loyalty by not leading by example and by having attitudes such as what we talked about at the very beginning, "Do as I say, not as I do," or "I don't have time. I'm too busy. I am in too many meetings to spend time with you." I mean, how does that make you feel? When you're— when the people that you need use those same excuses. So it's really kind of what is it you want, and therefore that's what your people want as well. Then let's get into some tips and strategies for you. Real simple. We're going to take those key aspects and just kind of turn them into simple things that you could be doing each and every day, focusing on— pick 1 to 3 of them. To ensure that you are leading by example. Okay. Be punctual. Be organized. Show up. You know, not only show up physically, but show up mentally, emotionally, and in a, you know, in a place where others feel kind of engaged and included and, you know, and welcomed into your world. Even when you're having a crappy day as leaders, We just kind of sometimes have to put that crap aside and recognize that the people around us, they need us to be steady and calm and cool and collected, and they need us to be engaged. They still need us to resolve issues, answer questions, whatever the case might be. So be punctual, be organized, show up, have that attitude that you would want your own people to have. And trust me, I don't think you're looking for negative, disgruntled, complaining type of attitude, or even, you know, one that's abrupt or dismissive, not engaging. So you shouldn't be demonstrating that, right? So be organized, be punctual, show up, communicate clearly and respectfully. Words matter. Now, you know, we talked earlier about walk the talk. Actions are far more important than words in some cases, but words will just, you know, cut through somebody who is very loyal, very productive, very engaged, very valued. And, you know, your choice of words will determine if that individual continues in that state or they have a total, you know, shift into a different mindset. So ensure that you're really paying attention to how you're communicating and how you're treating others with respect, with dignity, you know, with great integrity, so forth and so on. Because again, they're copying you. And therefore, if you want those qualities and values and traits, then they're going to be looking for them from you. Next one would be admit your mistakes. Take the blame when it's your fault. Be accountable to what it is that you're committing to, that you're saying, that you're showing up and doing. There is nothing worse than watching your manager either deflect blame to somebody else or not follow through and make, you know, their workers' jobs that much harder and more frustrating and more demoralizing by, you know, by someone who should be following through on what it is that they've been asked to do. So communicate clearly and respectfully, admit your mistakes, and be accountable. Um, we talked about maintaining that positive attitude— calm, cool, collected. That's what your people need. One really big, um, aspect of leading by example, but I didn't mention it and I will here, is that feedback that we're talking about. You know, not only should you as a leader be seeking input and feedback and, you know, finding those people that you really trust to tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly. Well, your people want that too, as a way of developing and growing. But you need to, you know, to lead by example. You're going to be giving feedback to your people. Well, you should be seeking that input and feedback from others as well. And again, for all of it, not just at performance time, but consistently throughout the year. You should always be looking to see how you're doing and what is it that you could be doing better. Another tip and strategy, uh, which is also leaning into the key aspects of leading by example, is the idea of having and setting really clear goals and expectations for not only yourself, but for your people, and making sure that those are communicated. So you want to be sure that you're setting realistic goals and expectations for yourself and for your team. Yes, some things get, you know, kind of pushed down to you. But then from that, you need to ensure that the goals and the expectations and the achievements that you're looking for are realistic for yourself, realistic for your team, but well-defined to where They are very clear and not confused as much as you need to be clear and not confused as well, as far as what are others expecting of me? What is that target that they're measuring me against? How am I going to be evaluated and assessed for my leadership, for my hard skills and my soft skills, for my business results and for my leadership style? What does that look like? And literally, what is that measurement? That is going to be used as a barometer of my success. So be sure to set realistic and well-defined goals and expectations regarding, regarding achievements that you want for yourself and for your people. And then, of course, I talk about this quite often, is you need to really have a personal and a professional development plan, a training plan, something that you're always seeking to learn and grow and develop from. Until the day we are 6 feet under, there are opportunities to learn something new, address a gap that currently exists, or to seek new skills and new capabilities and even new traits and characteristics of ourselves. Uh, you know, all the way through our lifetime. So always, you know, recognize is what I want to say. Always recognize that you always have something to learn from and to grow from. And just because you're in a certain position with a certain title and a certain size office and a certain size paycheck does not mean you're done learning. And that's why it's so important— I'm going to digress a little bit here— that's why it's so important to also recognize that your people often, often have things that you could be learning from because they're the ones doing the, you know, the groundwork, so to speak. You're, you know, you're kind of too high to see all the inter— um, no, that's not what I'm looking for— all the, you know, bits and parts of what it takes to do the work that they do, to do the work that is going to eventually accomplish the goal and the objective that you have for yourself. You're not going to get into all those details. And if you are, that's for another conversation that we need to have. So you need to also recognize that you should be asking your people for learning, for tips, for advice, for guidance on new initiatives, current processes and procedures, whatever the case might be. You're never too old, and you're never too high in the hierarchy to where you can't be learning from everyone around you, up and down and all around, as I like to say. All right. The next one would be— and this kind of goes back to the qualities and the values and the traits and characteristics that you want to ensure that others are emulating, but then you, you know, want to live by as well. And that would be the fact that you really need to take things like ethics and values very seriously. You need to know, you know, what is acceptable behavior, what is acceptable practices, what is acceptable policies and procedures that not only because, you know, they're, they're your beliefs or they're your values, but more importantly, um, because they're important to the collective, not only your team but for the organization. And you need to know what those boundaries are because then you could be making decisions and you could be ensuring that certain, you know, people and things are, are showing up and are kind of fitting into that, into those boundaries. And there, and in some cases, when it comes to this, the boundaries help you make decisions of what you'll say yes to or what you'll say no to. And we can discuss that as well in another, you know, conversation. But your ethics and values set the structure for you being able to, to you know, identify what is acceptable to you and what is not acceptable to you, whether that is of your own behavior, words, actions, it's of others, or it's even of the company's. All right, so, you know, ensure that you take care of that as well. And then another tip and strategy would be to really ensure that you're blending both your work and life in such a way that you're finding, you're finding, um, fulfillment, you're finding, uh, even joy and happiness and accomplishment and, and sense of, you know, value and achievement in all aspects of your, of your life. None of us want to see someone just absolutely grinding it out and killing themselves from a work perspective and not have anything outside the workplace socially or personally that brings them joy and brings them relaxation and brings them happiness, so forth and so on. So ensure that you're taking care of yourself. Ensure that you are taking care of yourself. You're making sure the people around you are also taking care of themselves. Okay. And then lastly, the key to any of this, the key to any of this is to be consistent in the behavior that you want from others, which then you need to model and you need to emulate and you need to lead by example. Again, remember, so here's a bonus tip actually for you on a piece of paper, draw a line. You have two columns, left column. These are the qualities and the values and the traits and character characteristics I want of other leaders who are leading me, and here are those that I don't want. And obviously, you're gonna, you know, first you're gonna list things that align to your own personal values and beliefs and, and qualities. Um, but at the same time, then you have to look at that list on the, on the left, the qualities you want, and say, okay, so now am I living up to those same qualities and values? Am I demonstrating them? Am I modeling them? Am I leading by example of even what I want from others? Then I'm also delivering versus what's on the other column, the things that you don't want from them. Okay, and if there are things over there, and in most cases there will be, there will be not making time for my people, Um, not actively listening, not following through. There'll be things over on the right side of your paper that you'll all of a sudden go, oof, I could do a better job there. And you know what? That's exactly the point of the exercise, is to recognize where you have a gap and then just filling it by using some of the tips that we talked about. Really understand those key aspects. Take down, you know, any 1 to 3 of the tips and strategies we talked about. Use those 1 to 3. You don't have to use every single one that we talked about. And start acting on them. Start behaving them. Start letting others, without needing to tell them, letting others see how you're making a shift and you're transforming your own leadership style. And trust me when I say it'll start trickling down and they'll start mirroring and emulating that same behavior. Because whether you like it or not, however it is you're leading— good, bad, or ugly— is how others are gonna lead as well. Okay? Because you— because your people are watching you for what is acceptable. So be sure that what they're seeing is acceptable is behavior that you would want returned back to you. Because too often What will happen is managers will complain about their people for their behaviors, words, and actions and performance, and yet it's exactly what they've been demonstrating to their people. So they can't really be kind of, you know, blaming them. They have to take a look at themselves first. All right, keep in mind Book a call with me if you need to talk about and get your own tips and strategies for how you can be leading by example in such a way that you're a powerhouse leader to your people, to your, uh, business, but also in your life. Just go to coachmebernadette.com/discoverycall and let's talk and give you some tailored customized plans based on where you are in your own leadership journey. And let's get you rocking and rolling to be that powerhouse leader you're meant to be. All right, thank you so much for being here and being part of the Shedding the Bitch community, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next week. Bye!