How Words Matter and Impact Your Mindset!

Tonight we're talking about words matter. Words have power. I really didn't understand this concept at all for decades, probably not until my late 40s, and I just turned 58, so that'll give you a clue that, you know, amongst the 58 years that I've been on this earth, I've really only learned to appreciate and understand the power of words in the last 10 years. And I've come to, to understand that Words, communication is everything. Think about it. Forget, you know, first think about the words that you're using externally, the words that you're using— excuse me— the words that you're using to, to get a job, to ask for a loan at a bank, for meeting a potential relationship, for working through, you know, marriage issues or marriage life, dealing with conflicts and difficult situations in the workplace, going and asking for that raise, just being human and going amongst the— your community and really kind of trying to want to live a very happy, fulfilled, complete life. And the words that you use and the approach that you take in engaging that and collaborating in that is going to impact kind of the response that you get from it. Now, even more importantly, the words that you're using to talk to yourself consciously and unconsciously or subconsciously, um, is even more powerful, more powerful in either the positive way or the negative way. So think about it, if all— if you have spent maybe your childhood or or your adulthood hearing things like, "You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not capable enough. You know, you won't know how. Who are you to think that you could accomplish this? Are you crazy to think that you can go off and pursue that goal?" I've heard it all. I've heard it all most of my life, but at the same time, even in this last 4 or 5 years, between writing my book, starting a podcast, writing a film script, doing the work that I do, you know, I've had a lot of chatter that could potentially send me on a whole different course if I allowed those words to kind of instill themselves within me and I started believing them myself. So every word that you choose to use is critical and vital for you to be very considerate of it and to be very conscious and aware of it. And even when you're in the throes of either stress or just the chaos of the day and all the, all the responsibilities at home or in the office, if you could learn one discipline and, and I won't call it a habit, but a discipline, uh, that would lend greatly to not only succeeding in achieving your goals, but just achieving life— a complete, full, happy, calm, cool, and collected life— it's really to become very conscious and very aware and very intentional about the words that you use. And we're going to discuss and walk through some examples of just how it can work for you and how it can work against you. And I'd be very curious too, and you're going to have, and you have in the workbook, a place for you to be able to make note for yourself as far as those things that— those words, phrases, statements, mantras that either drain you or they gain you. They allow you to gain things. So if you look in your workbook, you'll see a section where you're gonna be able to do that. But I wanted to kind of walk you through just some scenarios during our brief conversation tonight that you can kind of put your arms around and consider for yourself. All right? So as we're talking through these, think about it. Consider the stories, the commentary, the phrases, the words. What are the natural responses that you have when people use certain words with you? Maybe it's, you know, when you're up— when you're first meeting somebody, what words do they use that kind of cause you to either lean in or maybe you retract, or, or, and you, you either are attracted to them or they repel you. How about when you are either giving compliments or receiving compliments. What are the words? Are you truly giving compliments? Are you, you know, are you using the words that actually lift somebody up in your compliment, or is it being received as, "I'm not quite sure that's a real compliment," or a backhanded compliment? At the same time, ladies, We have a very difficult time receiving compliments. And so what are those words that you're picking up on from the other person that's not allowing you to receive it? Or more importantly, what is it you're telling yourself at the time that someone's trying to give you a compliment? I was horrendous at receiving compliments for many, many, many years. I just all of a sudden would say to myself, that can't be true. They don't really mean it. Oh, they're just trying to get, you know, something from me. I mean, the chatter that went on between my ears certainly created a lot of the havoc that I wreaked on myself and then on the people around me. Another place I want you to really be cognizant of is when you are in a stressful situation, and this goes to relationships of any kind, but especially those with, you know, loved ones, with children. You know, and yet again, it could be at work with a difficult employee, difficult peer, or a boss. Maybe you're the difficult one. Um, but you know, how, how do you respond to the words that are being used either toward you or you're projecting out to others? Do you give yourself pause and to really be considerate and really be intentional about the words that you're using. Because again, the words you're using is either lifting someone up or putting them down, but it's also doing the same to you. You're either being drained or you're gaining. So you want to— in all the different, um, situations in life, you really want to pay attention and be aware and very active in the choice of words that you're using. So as you're considering that for yourself, let me, let me give you— and I mentioned this earlier in the 12 o'clock session— let me give you my example just recently. I think it was last Friday with my cable guy. So because he got a coaching session, he He didn't realize, you know, he was going to be having one, but it naturally happens with me. But I asked him permission if I could coach him when it came to the words that he was using. So he was here. My internet was out for like a day or two. Love Comcast. But, and it was out, and he finally comes to look at it. He was here probably a good 45 minutes to an hour. He had to do some adjustments outside. So he come— it's raining, and so I invited him in, and I didn't mind that he had, you know, wet shoes and whatnot. So I invited him in to make sure everything was working on my TV as well as my internet before he left. I wanted to make sure everything was running. On the way out, as he's putting on his rain gear to get ready to go out back out in the rain, he says to me, all right, everything's good now. Everything should be up and running. You shouldn't have any more problems. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, wait, wait, what do you mean everything should be good now? You know, you shouldn't have any problems. You should be telling me everything's good. You won't have any more problems. I've taken care of all the issues. I said, do you see kind of where, you know, the choice of words that you're using are leaving me I'm a little bit apprehensive or even not so confident about whether or not you solved my problem. And he was like, oh my gosh, you know, you're— and he was very receptive. He was like, you know, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. So then he goes on to say, well, I hope you have a nice day. And I'm like, you hope? You hope I have a nice day or you want me to have a nice day? So you say, have a nice day. And he's just like, wow, you're good. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm a writer and a coach. It's just natural for me. But he was very receptive, but he also had an aha moment. He thought, wow, he— I need to pay attention to how I'm kind of communicating to my customers. I'm like, well, it would benefit you and them greatly because I would have been very stressed had he walked out saying should have, could have, and questioning whether or not I'm gonna have another 2-day, 3-day outage. So that's where you know, you really want to, not only for other people like him, but you want to for yourself, um, be cognizant and aware of the words that you're using. Another one would be, I play pickleball. Not sure if any of you, uh, know of it, play it, whatever the case might be, but I play pickleball quite a lot. And one of the friends that I play pickleball with, he'll be out on the court And if he makes a really bad shot, and I mean like, you know, it goes down the street, uh, he'll, he'll, you know, express and he'll say things like, oh my gosh, I'm such an idiot, how stupid, I'm so stupid. Now he laughs with it so as if it's in jest. At the same time, the words that you use intentionally is one thing, but what's more powerful in both the good way and the negative way is those things that are said in Jeff, that are said in a passive-aggressive way, that are said under your breath in a mumbling state, you know, and again, whether it's to yourself or you're putting it out there. Now, he's not directing it to anybody, he's kind of verbalizing it toward himself. At the same time, those of us on the or kind of get impacted by it. I mean, when he is, you know, saying idiot and stupid, even with a laugh, you know, you kind of just go, well, yeah, no, don't do that. No, don't do that. We all make mistakes. Don't do that. So you really wanna be careful around it. So I have an exercise that's not even in your workbook, but I have an exercise that I want to challenge you to do between now and next Tuesday when the series ends, because I want to hear from you, whether that's here in the chat rooms during the sessions, or you put it out onto the Shift to Riches private group, or you even want to send a note directly to me, either DM in Facebook, or you can always send a note to me at BernadetteBoas@BallOfFireInc.com. But what I want you to do is spend the next 4 days, 5 days, and I want you to be very aware, very attentive, very conscious, and very intentional about the words that you're using. I want you to pay attention to the words you're using outwardly, but I also, and more importantly, want you to make note, literally write down when you are also getting in your head and having internal dialogues that aren't serving you, or maybe they are. So just like you have in your workbook the drains and the gains, I want you to take, you know, intentional time over the next several days and really kind of make note of the times that you are, especially if you're having negative chatter with yourself, But I also would love to hear that you're having positive chatter with yourself or externally. It— again, we talked about the 4 A's of change: awareness, attention, acceptance, and action. So if you could be aware and pay attention to the words that you're using, you can accept if you want to keep those words or you want to change them up, and then you take action to make that change. Then that's a great tool for you to have to work through any type of shift you're trying to make in your life. Alright? Now, another way or a way to do that, to kind of become intentional, to pay attention in the crazy world that we have, you know, that we're confronted with each and every day you may want to, to get in touch with yourself and to get yourself grounded in that intention. You might want to take some time each day to get quiet, to go still, to go inward, to just become conscious even of the subconscious. So we could be very conscious of the words that we're using and thoughts that we're having, the beliefs that we have of ourselves. But a lot of it lives in the subconscious. And the only way to tap down into your subconscious is to really just sit, breathe. You can call it meditate, but just go inward to see what, what kind of stuff is coming up. All right, and again, take that time even in those minutes or twos to make note of the words that you're using to yourself. And again, it might not— it may not be just words. It could be phrases, it could be statements, it could be mantras, it could be affirmations, whatever the case might be. And affirmations, just to add a point here, affirmations, people are always thinking that those are positives, and that's certainly what the intention is. However, many people have affirmations that they tell themselves over and over and over and over again that aren't so positive. There's words in their affirmations that are actually pulling them down and draining them as opposed to lifting them up. So another thing that I would advise you to make note of is when you have words come up, phrases come up, statements come up, quickly change them. If you've said something and yet you recognize that, ooh, that's not you know, the type of wording I want to be using in order to even lift myself up, let alone somebody else, then you can change them out. So instead of saying I'll try, say I will. Instead of saying I can't, turn it to I can, yet I need to do X, Y, and Z. If, you know, in the case of my, in the case of my friend in pickleball, oh, I'm stupid, I'm such an idiot. And, you know, he could be changing it to like, "Oh God, that was such a bad mistake, that was such a bad error," you know, or a bad shot. Instead of like saying something like, "I suck at this," do you ever have that? "I suck at this." You could be saying, you know, "I need to keep practicing, I need to keep working, I need to keep honing," whatever it is that you're working on, as opposed to draining yourself with saying, "Oh, I suck." I'll never be able to do this, you know, I'm just not grasping, you know, there, there's other things that you can say like instead of I'm fat or ugly, you could be saying, you know, so this isn't flattering, it's not, you know, making me, you know, look lean, so I should change or, you know, wear something different, whatever the case might be. So there's a whole set of opposites. Opposites, let's call them opposites. It's almost like at the same time, if you have a problem, there's always a solution. Well, if you have a negative, there's always a positive. If you have one, you know, something saying you, there's an opposite to it. So if you're accustomed to saying certain things to yourself, just become intentional, aware, attentive in what words that you're using and switch them, make that shift. All right, it's going to be critical as you move forward in not only defining your goals, because I'll be very interested in how you define your goals— what are those words that you're using to define your goals? And then at the same time, once you start acting on those goals, it'll become even more and more vital, um, the choice of words and phrases and affirmations and mantras that you are using to lift yourself up so you can stay clear and focused and energized and persistent in, in pursuing those goals. There was one thing that I missed that I did want— I thought I wanted to make sure that we talked about. Um, no, I guess there isn't. I guess there isn't. So if you have any questions in regards to Words Matter, because this is just a a high-level overview. This subject in itself can be a one of these series, like the Goals to Riches series, is just the words. And I work with clients to, you know, kind of create that journaling of their words and then work with them on what words they want to replace them with, phrases or sentences or statements, what they would want to replace them with, and then working them through going out and putting it to not only practice but then growing into it as a natural part of their dialogue with themselves and with other people. All right, so for everyone here, have a wonderful, beautiful evening.