In Memory of My Mother - Her Tips and Lessons for Overcoming Obstacles
In this hour‑long episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio, host Bernadette Boas reflects on the recent loss of her 85‑year‑old mother, sharing the mother’s life‑long lessons and how they can help listeners navigate personal and professional challenges. Boas blends personal anecdotes, spiritual reflections, and practical advice. She emphasizes the importance of faith (in oneself, a higher power, or both), recognizing what is within one’s control versus what is not, and consciously feeling and processing emotions rather than suppressing them. She advocates for quiet, rest, and listening to one’s inner voice, as well as external support from trusted friends and mentors. Practical tools include writing down problems, decluttering physical and mental space, breaking tasks into single‑step actions, and setting clear goals. Throughout, she promotes community building among women—network circles, mentorship, and personal branding—as a catalyst for growth. The episode ends with a call to action for listeners to join future shows featuring guests on mentorship and voice‑building, reinforcing the show’s mission to help women shift from “bitch” to “rich.”
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So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Well, happy day everyone! This is indeed Bernadette Boas, and yes, you are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio. And it is an absolutely stunning spring day. Woohoo! Welcome spring! But it's a stunning day here in Atlanta, Georgia, nice and sunny. Sunny, a little crisp air in the wind, in the wind, in the air, something like that. But it's a beautiful day here, and I hope it is wherever you are. And I want to thank you so much for joining the program today. And we are going to kind of get a little bit personal, get a little bit maybe emotional, but at the same time provide you some great tips and advice and education and inspiration for how you too can kind of overcome struggles and obstacles and challenges that come up in your life. And basically just sharing some of my own tips and tricks as well as my mother's, but we'll get into that in a minute, as to how you can really pursue your dreams and goals regardless of the hill that you have to climb or the tree that fell and got in your way, or whatever situation you might be in that you just feel like you're all of a sudden stuck. So I posed some questions out on Facebook and, and Twitter and whatnot as to what are those things that are getting you stuck, and, uh, we'll kind of be responding to those as well throughout the conversation. But before we dive into that I want you to be able to call in 1-818-572-2910 if you happen to be online and listening and you will have a question of your own. Love to take questions, love to take comments, love to take your stories. And if something hits a chord with you today as well during the program, you can also feel free to share that out and make sure as many people as possible are getting inspired and educated and motivated as well to kind of shift from bitch to rich, as we say around here. But before we kick into our main conversation for today, I just have a few announcements I wanna make. Definitely stay tuned over the next couple weeks, actually every week, every Tuesday at noon Eastern time, but over the next couple weeks we have some great guests joining us. I have Sheila Ronning from Women in the Boardroom, and she and I are gonna chat about kind of mentoring and coaching and what does that What does it take for you to be mentored as well as what role can you play actually in mentoring other women, young or mature, and helping them as well pursue their goals and their dreams that they have both professionally and personally. So that will be a lot of fun with Sheila. And then the following week we talk with Cindy Ashton all about how can you become a star by using your voice and your expertise and your talent within your corporate or entrepreneurial entrepreneurial career, and therefore, how can you get your voice out there and use it to increase your visibility, increase your level of credibility out in the marketplace. So, whether you're working for a company or you're working on your own, nowadays, especially with the explosion of social media, there's a need for you to understand that you have a brand whether you like it or not. It might, you You might consider it a reputation, a perception, whatever that might be, but it is your brand and you have a way of influencing it, and therefore we're gonna provide you tips and advice and some tough love as to how to go about doing that. So that's with Cindy Ashton on April 16th. So we have some great programs coming up and throughout the year. We also are all about really talking about the top of mind issues that you as women are facing. Especially in the business and workplace, but more so at home as well. And therefore, our guests and our topics are going to steer all toward that. Now, we've also been talking about a lot over the last couple months regarding the need for women to create their good old girls' clubs, the need for you to really kind of get a network, get a group together wherever you are and leverage that to collaborate, engage, and learn from one another and build your own network, whether it's in your industry, in your company, within your network of other business owners or corporate peers. But whatever it is, it's critical as a personal and professional development tool to really build that network each and every day. And then from that network you even get those that you can come together and mastermind and mentor and support one another. So you've heard Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In book that I've been talking a lot about on the program and now she's rolling out her Lean In Circles. We have our own Circle of Riches which both corporately and entrepreneurially really help to bring together women that want to collaborate, engage, network and mastermind together. So if you're in Atlanta, especially right now, take a look for that out on balloffireconsulting.com or sheddingthebitch.com, and we'll be kicking off some programs as soon as, like, this Saturday. So get that information for yourselves. But if not, look for a group near you, whether it's a Lean In group or some other groups. They've been around for a long time, and they're really meant to help you kind of take yourself to the next level. And as I always talk about here, kind of mentor up, coach up, network up towards your next goal and aspiration. All right, so I just wanted to make sure you were aware of that as well. But like I said, today's program— and would love to hear your comments and questions and stories as well— it's kind of a a remembrance and a celebration of my mother who just passed away, as well as I want to leverage the lessons and the advice that she'd given myself and my 11 siblings over the years to also help you to overcome those challenges and those roadblocks that come up in your life as well. I tend to have a very consistent method myself for dealing with obstacles and challenges and fears and insecurities, all the bitches we talk about here on Shedding the Bitch Radio. And therefore, I'm going to blend those in as well. But I want to kind of preface this by saying that the pain is raw and it's still very kind of soon. So at the same time, if you're watching this on video, you'll notice, as a matter of fact, you'll notice I'm kind of in one of our Shedding the Bitch robes because I just felt like I needed a I need a little kind of comfort. I need a little bit of, of kind of security, so to speak, in having this conversation with you today. So I'm all snuggled up in my robe, and I'm not the most made up today if you're watching this on video, but at the same time, I just thought it was a perfect time and subject that many of you bring up to me, and I know you're dealing with and you're confronting each and every day as well, as well as I am, and thought that I would take— I would use this as an opportunity to provide you some tips and advice and inspiration and motivation to help you in whatever way I can. So if you're listening live, you can call in 1-818-572-2910. You can go to Facebook, just Google Shedding the Bitch and you'll find us on Facebook and Twitter and at sheddingthebitch.com, obviously. And feel free, even if it's not live, feel free to post your comments or your questions or your stories, and I will respond to them and as well answer them. So I'll look forward to that. Okay, so first, in case you're not aware, I did lose my mother of 85 years. Well, she was 85 years old, but she was my mom for at least 51 of those 85 years. And she suddenly passed away last Saturday morning. And it was quite the shock to my siblings and all. And I will say that very— because it was a shock, I typically can kind of sense— I don't know if you're like this, but I can sense the ups and downs. I can sense the change coming in the air. I can sense, I don't know, that there's going to be a life-changing, what I call my God speaking moments coming. And yet this, I had no clue. So it did catch not only myself but many of us, many of us off guard. And therefore, you know, we face those things each and every day where all of a sudden, you know, the world looks beautiful and sunny and bright and in a split second all of a sudden it gets cloudy and dark and stormy. And, you know, it's a matter of how do we handle that? Do we, you know, do we kind of run for cover and hide under the blankets and not come out until we think, you know, there's daylight or sunlight? Or do we just kind of face the storm, face the clouds, face the gloominess internally and externally, and figure out ways to deal and navigate and adjust to those storms each and every day because they do come up and they come up fast, and yet sometimes they come up very predictably. It's a matter of, to me, whether they're internal or external storms. One thing to think about is whether they are ones that can be controlled or ones that are out of your control. And throughout my life, throughout even with my mother's help as well, I've learned that I'm in total control. So of those things that I'm in total control of, then I have the ability to either play victim or victor. And therefore, you always— you have that choice. And I tend to want to decide that I always want to play victor. I'm not into failing, I'm not into losing, being defeated. I don't believe in failure, I believe more so in missteps. You might have heard me say that before. I believe that every kind of step backwards or step sidewards is just an opportunity for growth and learning, and therefore they're not failures, they're simply redirections and missteps. Toward what it is that you're trying to achieve. So, just something to think about. So, as I kind of walk in and segue into this conversation, I'll give you a little bit of history about my mother and the lessons that she taught and then how can you relate to them and how can you leverage those same lessons and tips that you also might be learning from your parent, your mother, your friend, your coach, mentor, a peer, whatever the case might be. And yet at times we forget those lessons, we forget those tips that we were given, and maybe we just need to take them out of the closet, out of the drawer, and revisit them again. So that's what we'll do today. But in the meantime, I found it very kind of moving. My niece had told me that on the morning of the funeral— the funeral was last Wednesday up in Philadelphia, and I want to thank everybody, all of you out in the Shedding the Bitch community who reached out to me through Facebook, through Twitter, through the website, email, and texts to, you know, to provide your prayers and your blessings, and I so appreciate it. It meant a tremendous amount to me, and then of course to my entire family, and helped tremendously as well. But my niece had mentioned to her mother that the morning of the funeral, which was Wednesday morning, she got up, and as she turned on the radio to get ready. This was what she was playing, what was playing. She's standing right in front of me speaking words of wisdom. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. Now what we all found just absolutely amazing about that, and I hope you enjoyed those few chords, of the Beatles' famous song "Let It Be." But what she and all of us found amazing about that is my mother's Mary, and we always, always considered her to be a saint. She was saint-like, and I won't be surprised if she is one day christened a saint because she just embodied her faith, embodied God, embodied the church, and embodied everything that was saintly. So when my niece Ashley heard that song, she was very moved because the words, speaking words of wisdom, is exactly what my mother always spoke to us, even in her giddy, kind of flaky way sometimes. And at the same time, when I all of a sudden about an hour ago thought, oh my gosh, that's what I want to do. I want to share my mother's wisdom in, in as far as tips and advice for you in overcoming your own challenges and struggles. She had her share, and therefore we'll see how we can leverage her blessings and lessons in order to allow us to overcome our own struggles and challenges. So my mother had 12 children. I was so happy that I had an opportunity to kind of share my feelings for her in the book Shedding the Corporate Bitch. When I wrote that book, she has a whole chapter. It's called The Rock, and she was, she was the rock of our family. My dad was certainly my hero, as I wrote about him, and my mother just held us all together. And being that we had 12 children, you can only imagine the chaos that wreaked havoc throughout our house over the years. At the same time, their faith, their unbelievably unshaken, God-fearing faith, you know, a family that prays together stays together. Well, we fortunately are very blessed to have a very close-knit, very loving and enduring and adoring family. So I'm very blessed in that respect. Anyway, so the one thing when I think back in regards to dealing with this, dealing with this sudden loss, it was very much of a surprise. One of those storms that came out of nowhere. She was actually doing very well after a couple of years of some, you know, very up and down health issues. Over the last several months, she was doing extremely well, and we were actually— my 5 sisters and I, you've heard me talk about our Jungle Chick week down at the beach that we do every Mother's Day week, and it's coming up. May 4th we leave. And so she was looking forward to that, and she basically was kind of preparing herself and us for that week together, because she sensed that— she was 85 years old— she sensed that she didn't have a tremendous amount of time left, but at the same time, whatever time she had left, she was going to make the best of it, which she most certainly did. She actually ended up going to the nail salon and get her hair done that on Friday before she passed the following morning. And she was reaching out to friends unusually and just having kind of great conversations and preparing for some great kind of celebrations over the coming months. But at the same time, she went exactly the way she would want to, very peacefully, very quickly, very painlessly. And we were all grateful for that. But being that it was a storm out of nowhere and such a shock, it kind of sent us, at least me, into a kind of— not a tailspin per se, but, you know, a natural swirl that made me think about how do I, and therefore how can I kind of assist you in dealing with those sudden obstacles, sudden roadblocks and challenges and fears. My fear was the fact that I would never see her again, and yet that was, you know, put to rest very quickly because I know she's with me. Her faith was transferred to me as far as my faith and my beliefs and my love for God and all that is that all that is he and Mary and Joseph and, and everything that is, um, God-like. So I'm fortunate for that as well because it's that faith that also will get you through any storm. Now, whatever, whoever you believe in, whatever you believe in, my mother, one of her major life lessons was as long as you have life, love, and family and faith you have it all. So that would be my first thing that I would just share with you is as long as you have faith in yourself, faith in a God or whomever it is that you might believe in, having that faith, that unswerving, undenying, un— you know, Unquestionable faith, that is probably your number one tool for overcoming challenges. Because even when the challenges face you, even when those sudden storms come out of nowhere, having that faith will keep you grounded and holding on to whatever direction that struggle might take you, knowing that it's sooner or later the light will shine you know, the skies will clear and the world will look much brighter and much bigger and much more exciting for you. So again, that is probably the first and most important tool, probably the hardest to learn, especially if you've lost faith in any way, shape, or form in yourself and other people, in a God of any kind. Regaining that can be a struggle, and I know that for myself over the years. I've gone— swerved up and down when it came to my own faith in myself and believing in myself and loving myself, and therefore know what kind of struggle that is if you are dealing with that yourself. And all I can offer you is to look inward, and we're going to talk about some specific tips, but look inward and recognize that the very first and ultimate thing that you want out of this one life that you have, that goes really, really fast, is to have faith in yourself, is to have belief and love for yourself, and everything else will fall into place after that. And that faith, that belief will see you through whatever struggles and challenges and obstacles and roadblocks and fears you might have, or bitches as we call them here. So that was the one core message my mother kind of weaved in and out of her example that she set throughout our entire lives. My mother wasn't one to preach, one to judge at all, and one to be critical in any way, shape, or form. Sometimes to the point of you wish she would, you wish she would step in and say blah blah blah blah blah. Yet at the same time, the one lesson both my parents shared with all of us is what they don't know doesn't hurt them. Whether that's a lesson or just a kind of motto that they had, but they just felt that we could handle anything up and down that we needed to. And if we couldn't, then they were always there should we need to notify them or be, you know, or to engage them in helping us through whatever it is that we were going through. So as long as they didn't know it, they just, they were okay with what was going on, entrusting in us, each individual in us, that we had the strength and we had the power and the faith to see ourselves through. And yet they always made sure that they, you know, they told us that they were always there should we need them. So one of the things that I would want to stress to you is to find those people, find those individuals that have unswerving faith in you, and yet at the same time you need to be able to lean on someone and really reach out to them in order to help you and not to be proudful, prideful, and not to be insecure about asking for that help. Now, that's one area for me that was always kind of a struggle because the one other lesson that we were always taught is, you know, you need to work hard and you need to work in order to earn or deserve. And that can be interpreted in many, many ways. And I happen to interpret it as, "Unless I work really hard, I don't deserve anything." And yet all they were trying to say is, you know, my dad did not take charity, my mother did not take charity. Yet when they did take help and support from other people, it's because they know that they gave as much as they were given, if not even more so. Therefore, they always— and my mother always tried to set the example of giving first, loving first, doing good first, and you will be taken care of no matter what. You are listening to Shading the Bitch Radio, and this is Bernadette Boas, and I'm so thrilled that you're with us. I'm remembering and celebrating my mother while sharing and and, um, hoping to assist you in any way, shape, or form with some tips and advice on overcoming your own struggles and overcoming your own roadblocks or your own losses, as in my case, um, over the last week or so. Um, so we're just kind of touching on some tips for how you can handle a struggle, an obstacle, a roadblock that comes up over time. Maybe it's slowly seeping in because some of us do avoid and avoid our— what's obviously staring right in our face, and we don't necessarily take a hard look at it, an honest and true look at it. And therefore, all of a sudden, when it does smack us in the face, we're often kind of shocked and hurt. And yet, if we were being honest with ourselves all along, we might have been able to see it more clearly, that it was happening, it was occurring, and it was coming toward us, so to speak. And yet there's other obstacles and challenges and fears and insecurities that crop up, that come out of nowhere, and that aren't expected and aren't predictable. So any of these tips will allow you to deal with whatever situation that you might be encountering. The only important part of all of it is, is you have to choose whether you're going to deal with it and want to overcome it. Or not. So we talked at the top of the hour about the fact that there's things you have control of and there's things that you don't have control of. There's things environmentally, externally, societally that you don't have control of. And therefore, one of your big reliefs of stress and pressure would be to just let those things go. Let go of the things you cannot control. There's enough things in your life that are going to crop up that you can control, and you need to be prepared and have the resources and have the will to want to take those things under control. And therefore, let all those things that you can't control, those external, external sources or forces, and let them go and just kind of give up and realize that giving up that control will give you a lot more freedom to then handle any of the tidal waves and storms that might come your way, no matter how big or how small. Okay, so I know through my own experience, especially over the last 10 days, the one thing I needed to kind of do in order to really kind of face the fear, feel the fear, and push through it and overcome it is to feel it. You have to actually allow yourself to feel it. And oftentimes, even for me, that's extremely hard. I'm a lot more emotional these days than I was years ago. I used to bottle up everything, and you would never know if I was depressed or happy or sad or angry. Well, angry you might, but, but you really would never really see my insecurities or my fears. And yet nowadays I wear them on my sleeve. So, and if you ever wanted to question me about it, feel free, because I'm a completely open book now. Only because I realized that the more I can feel all of that junk, the easier it is to get rid of it. It's almost like when I tell you and advise you to write it down, get it out of your head, and put your fears, put your insecurities, put your doubts, as well as put your accomplishments and achievements. Get them on paper, black and white, and look at them. And you'll see that all of a sudden that ink is not as fearful, painful, you know, scary as you think it was, as long as it was swirling around in your head. So just like writing it down, You also have to be able to feel whatever it is that you're feeling about an obstacle, challenge, or roadblock, or fear that you have, or loss that you have, or suffering that you're going through. Feel it. Allow yourself. Give yourself permission. Forgive yourself for feeling it because there's absolutely nothing wrong. But yet I understand when you might feel guilty or you might feel as if, you know, you have much more than other people, and therefore, you know, you do feel guilty for feeling it when so many other people are suffering around you. Forget all that. Forget all of that. You need to feel whatever it is you're feeling and express it and get it out and allow yourself the opportunity to then receive the support and the love that other people and other sources, real or not, faith or tangible, that will come your way to kind of help you and guide you and pull you through that current or ongoing situation. But you have to feel it. You're human. You're not a robot. You're human. I'm not a robot. I had to admit that to myself finally after many years. I'm not a robot. I do have feelings. I do have a heart that hurts. At times and that's joyful at times, and I have to recognize that and I have to appreciate it and leverage it for myself. The next thing that I really did that I think we also in this crazy, hectic, chaotic world is I had to kind of rest. I needed to give myself permission to do absolutely nothing except maybe wallow on the couch. In a ball, you know, with the TV on, with the TV off, surrounded by stuff maybe that, you know, in this case reminded me of my mother. Or quite honestly, in my case, I basically didn't have much around me. I was here in Atlanta notified of what was going on while my entire family was up in Philadelphia. And so I definitely felt alone. I definitely felt kind of on my own. But at the same time, you know, it just took a phone call to get reconnected and to understand what was going on up there and for them to connect with me. But I'd be denying it if I said that I wasn't lonely and didn't feel alone while my entire family is up there and I'm by myself in Atlanta. Now, I had some great friends that, you know, surrounded me between the time it happened to when I was able to get up to my family. It was between Saturday and Tuesday, but in any case, I needed to feel it and I needed to rest and not feel guilty about it. I just needed to kind of quiet. And that was the other thing. I needed quiet. I needed to kind of reflect. I needed to get the noise out. The noise was fear. The noise was pain. The noise was uncertainty of what was going on. The noise of loss that I, you know, I wouldn't be able to touch her and smell her and hear her anymore. But I also needed to do that in a lot of quietness and a lot of silence around me. And so I did. I spent a couple of days on the couch or in bed just kind of laying and reflecting and and kind of let myself, like I said, feel it while I was resting and being quiet. And I had to tune everything out. You know, I made an announcement on Facebook and Twitter and all the things that I do professionally and sometimes personally. But we're so dependent on the technologies, we're so dependent on being, you know, tuned in, checked in every day. And I just had to say, you know, I just can't. So I put a note out there saying I'm tuning out. And I tuned out. And actually, that felt really good. So if you ever need to quiet, you know, your surroundings, you might want to tune out one day, or in my case, several days, and kind of feel kind of the room open up. You know, the space in your life, in your heart, in your head, all of a sudden, you know, clears out and provide you space, provide you a place to breathe, and it's very kind of freeing, so to speak. Now, I also want to stay, you know, checked in, tuned in, signed in, because I enjoy that as well. Yet there's times that we each need to feel, rest, be quiet, and tune out. So just think through those things. You're listening to Bernadette Boas on Shedding the Bitch Radio, just in case, uh, you're just tuning in. And you can definitely call in as well to 1-818-572-2910 if you have a story or you need some advice or tips in regards to overcoming challenges and obstacles and struggles that you might be dealing with, big or small, in your life. And that's what we're talking about today, is how do we deal with a storm that has been brewing or one that came out of left field, and how do we ensure that it doesn't swallow us up and take us totally out of commission for too long of time. But yet at the same time, how do we also embrace it and make sure that we're not ignoring it or avoiding it and we're allowing ourselves permission to feel it and go through it. And yet it just depends on, are you going through things that you're in control of, or are you swirling and spending a lot of time and energy and focus on swirling on things that are totally out of your control? And my advice is get rid of those things you can't control— external, societal, environmental things that you have no control over. And really focus on those things that are internal and in your space and in your world that you can control and that you can do something about. Because that's the first, first part of really being able to find your clear path through those storms that you might be dealing with. And we talked about faith at the top of the hour. You know, the number one thing, or the first thing, is having a faith in yourself Whether or not you have faith in something else, someone else, but having faith in yourself that you'll get through those struggles is also your first step or the first tool that you could be using in order to work your way through that storm. The other thing too that I've learned over the years, never was good at it, and yet I so appreciate my friends recognizing that I'm not a big talker at first when it comes to a situation that's coming up. I don't hide it anymore. I don't avoid it anymore, but I just don't gab about it like, you know, I would on so many other things. I mean, I like to gab, but I just don't run and want to cry on someone's shoulder right away. I like to kind of have that quiet, have that peace, even though someone might be right next to me. So for instance, a very dear, dear, loving friend and I went walking with the dogs, and he didn't ask and I didn't share. And it was too new, too raw, but at the same time it just wasn't where I was at yet. And so we just walked and we talked about some other things, and yet at the same time most of the walk was very quiet. And therefore I appreciated that so much because the fact that I wasn't ready to talk and I wasn't ready to answer questions and I wasn't ready to just wail either. I saved that for when I went to Philadelphia and had the embrace of my brother to let me cry on his shoulder, literally. But anyway, so, but I do know what, how important it is now at during any challenge or struggle to talk and share with someone, to let someone else in to help you, to be vulnerable and to expose your vulnerabilities to someone else because they're not there to judge you. And if they are, then they're the wrong people. They're not there to judge you. They're not there to add to your pain or your struggle. Or your fear. They're simply there to provide a supporting hand, arm, shoulder, voice, whatever the case might be. So if you are or have been the type to kind of take it all, take the world all on yourself, your own, that's a huge lesson to learn and a tool to have in your pocket is to be willing to show your vulnerability, show your insecurities, your fears during a struggle, and share it with someone else. Let them be your anchor, because sometimes someone else has to anchor you down in order for you to then rise up. Okay, so the last thing I would say too, kind of from these soft skill, or if you want to call it that, these soft tips around how to get through an obstacle, fear, storm, challenge, roadblock, whatever you might call it, a bitch as we call it here. The other thing is to listen. And I'm not saying listen to another person, although that might be a viable and valuable tool for you and resource for you and support But more so, listen to yourself. Listen to what's going on in your gut, in your heart, in your head, in your spirit. It was interesting when I went home on Tuesday, and it was kind of busy on Tuesday. She had passed on Saturday. The services weren't till Wednesday. And so I was going to go up on Tuesday. We were going to do the viewing Tuesday night, just the family, and then the whole full day of celebration on Wednesday. And Tuesday was too chaotic. I went to my mother's home. It is very quiet now that she's not there. And yet at the same time, I didn't have an opportunity to kind of experience it or listen to it or pay attention to it because it was just too crazy until Thursday morning. And so after a long day on Thursday— or I'm sorry, Wednesday— I woke up Thursday morning to a deafening silence. Deafening, deafening, deafening. You know, here is, you know, a small kind of mother-in-law home that my mother lived in along with my sister and her family in the main part of the house, so to speak. And on every travel and every trip that I made, I would go and spend it with So there was always, even though we could sit there, literally sit there, or I would lay on the couch for hours and not say a word, maybe listening to some music, watch some TV, her soap operas, whatever the case might be, you know, we might not say a word to each other, but there was life, there was a spirit, there was, you know, there was noise, there was something you know, something alive around me. And, you know, for the first time ever, Thursday morning, I, you know, kind of fell silent. It was deafening. It was just suffocating, actually, how quiet it was. And the fact that— and I told someone this the other day, and for any of my family members that might be listening, please make sure you hear this whole thing through. But I didn't feel her spirit there. I just felt very void, very empty. Not, of course, of her and her love and my father's and all those other souls that have passed, but that's just how I felt. I did. It just felt empty, and it went, carried on until end of Friday. I left Friday and I came home back to Atlanta. And I have to say that Friday night, you know, as I'm laying on the couch once again with my Charlie, who's roaming the place right now looking for some treats, but that's when I started listening to my gut, to my heart, to my head, and I felt her in every you know, aspect of my being. And all of a sudden I just started listening and I just felt and heard and saw her in so many ways. And her spirit, I knew, was with me, which I knew was going to be. I never questioned or doubted that, but it was just very strange that when I did go to listen, as I've learned over the years, to myself and my heart and my soul, and my spirit and everything else that goes along with it. I just didn't hear it until I came back, I guess, into my own home, into my own surroundings. I don't know. But she followed me home. She caught the, you know, she caught the 4 o'clock US Air flight from Philadelphia to Atlanta and sat with me in first class, obviously. And thanks to my brother, but that's another story. But so she definitely is with me, but until I really— guess what— was in a place to listen and hear her, she really didn't make herself known. And so I've been listening ever since, and it's brought tremendous amount of comfort. It's only Tuesday. I've been home since Friday evening, and it's brought a tremendous amount of comfort, probably to the point where I'm actually able to have this conversation with you today, just a little over a week later, because I was quite the basket case last week and through the weekend, more kind of numb and tired, but at the same time. So my point being is this, is to listen. Listen to what's going on in your heart, in your head, in your gut, and try to hear what, what is being said, what is being messaged to you. What is stirring up within you, because it's okay, whatever it is. And it might bring you that— the answers might bring you the peace, might bring you the quiet and the calm that you need in order to see yourself through. So that brings us to kind of more of the tangible, tactical things you could be doing to kind of get yourself through a difficult time. And I actually had to do this myself over the weekend because I did feel like I was in this fog all weekend and I needed to kind of figure out what I needed to do and how— what I needed to do next and how do I get refocused and how do I get re-energized because for the past 10 days I just have felt like a Mack truck hit me and every one of us feels that, right? Every one of us feels feels that. So I wish I had some happy music to play right now because I feel like it's been very kind of quiet for the past 40, 45 minutes, and I apologize for that. So we're gonna get like energized and kind of spirited and loud. No, I promise not to do that. But as a matter of fact, I probably should turn down my mic. But anyway, so you are listening to Chet in the Bitch Radio. This is Bernadette Boas, and we are talking about those tips and tricks and lessons from my mother and from myself that you can use in order to overcome your own challenges or struggles or storms that might face you, no matter how big or how small. And we've been talking about everything from faith to feeling it to being quiet to resting to listening not only to other people but to yourself more importantly, to listen to what it is that you're saying to yourself. Because again, we talked about the fact that, you know, there's very few things in life that you can control. Therefore, let those things you can't control because maybe they're external, environmental, societal, let them go. And those things that you can control, leverage these tools that we're talking about and more so the ones we're about to talk about that are more tactical, more very action-oriented in order for you to kind of overcome whatever it is that you might be dealing with. So the first thing that I do, and if you're part of the Shading the Bitch community, I write about it, I talk about it, sometimes I sing about it, which I won't put you through today. But is to get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper. Get out, in this case, get out what is it that you're dealing with. Put it in black and white. Write it out in a story, or in my case, I always tend to do it in kind of bullets of what it is that I'm feeling and I'm thinking and I am kind of getting myself all worked up about. What is it? What does it look like, feel like, taste like? Who's involved? What, you know, how big or how small? Is it monetarily, monetary or not? What are the dynamics of what it is that you're going through? What is that struggle, that roadblock, that challenge, that fear, that bitch that is kind of keeping you hostage and holding you back from really pursuing your life? Whether it's a big goal or dream or just your today, your to-do list. You don't want to spend and waste any time that could be going toward you achieving full happiness and contentment and peace and joy in your life. So what can you do to get out of it? Write it out. What is it that you're dealing with? Put it in black and white. Underline the key aspects of it, the people involved, the situation, the the possible outcome. And then what I would want you to do too is once you write it down, what is the impact to you of that struggle, of that fear, of that situation? You know, regardless of what it is, if it's a money situation, you can't pay your bills, you have someone knocking at the door, you know, to collect your belongings. If you're dealing with an illness or a tragedy, If you're facing divorce or a breakup, if you are dealing with being laid off or not getting that promotion that you wanted, or you're scared of having, you know, you're pregnant and you're about to become a parent and that creates any type of fear inside you. Whatever it is, no matter how big, how small, write it out, get it very detailed, and then underline the key aspects of it. 'Cause you'll notice that all of a sudden when it's in black and white and you've highlighted kind of those things that are really, you know, screaming at you, they're not as bad as they appear to be when you're letting them swirl around in your head. And all of a sudden your imagination is allowing them to expand and contract, but then they get bigger and they get more, you know, exasperated and a lot more dramatic and a lot more painful and fearful than what they truly are. So write it out and then write out what steps can be taken in order to get yourself through that situation. What can you do? And if you don't know, then write that out. Say, "I don't know what to do." Because at least now you're aware, now you have an answer, and now you can go and take the next step in either pursuing what you wrote out as steps you could be taking, or you can go and look for the help that you need in order to figure out what to do next. And trust me, people get into a position and a situation where they don't know what to do next. But let me, you know, really stress this: there is a solution to every problem. There is a solution to every pain, every struggle, every obstacle, every roadblock. There is a crane that can pick up that, you know, that tree that fell into the middle of the road. There is a, you know, a sunlight at the end of a heavy storm, a rainbow even. There is a remedy to every situation that you're going through, but until you kind of get out of your head about it and just look at it like a business problem, whether it is a business problem or it's a personal problem, treat it as a very black and white logical situation that needs a needs a solution to it and treat it as if you're solving a business problem and the emotions will, you know, kind of drift away, will kind of minimize the noise, minimize the exasperation or the drama that you might be creating within yourself. Because it's those internal storms more so than the external storms that really hold us back and really keep us drowning in our own junk. So write it out, okay? Write out the solutions and the ideas. Start acting on them. Pick one a day that you could be doing. So for instance, I was sitting here this morning. It's been, you know, 10 days since I really paid attention to anything, both personally and professionally. So I have bills stacking up. I have my taxes that I need to do. And I have work events that were kicking off on Saturday that I haven't paid attention to in 10 days. Alright, so I've got taxes and I've got these events and I've got this personal stuff all kind of like looking as if they're about to swallow me whole. And so what did I do? Yesterday I didn't have the opportunity, I had a client, so I went and focused on them for the day. And last night I was still quite drained, so I worked on the couch and whatnot, but really just brain-dead stuff like going through emails and making sure I get responses out to people that I haven't responded to in a week. But then this morning, what I did first thing, and this is a great, great tip for any of you, is you have to clean out the clutter. You have to declutter whatever it is that's, you know, causing you to feel as if you're drowning. And in this case, it was my desk. In this case, it was all the different things that I need to be doing. And I just started to pile it up right before I flew up to Philadelphia, and since I've been back, haven't done anything with. So this morning I came in, I got up early, did my walk thing, did the, the park thing, ate my breakfast, and then I said, okay, before I do anything, even prepare for the show, I'm just going to sit here and, and get myself organized. So now I have my, my different, my different stacks of work that I need to do. And the first one was I was going to— oh, it was over here— I was going to find the solution to the events that I'm doing this weekend. And I did, and I sent out notifications of how we're going to address that this weekend. So that's taken care of. And then I even did my taxes and got myself prepared. They're not The taxes aren't done, but I got myself prepared and pulled together all my paperwork that I need to do for my taxes. And then I'll move over here to the other work and bills that I need to take care of. So you just need to get yourself kind of organized. You have to get yourself decluttered of any of the things around you materially or emotionally that is keeping you kind of in the fog, so to speak. So that's a great tip. And then you can lay out based, based on what it is that you're needing to do from that list that you came up with of solutions to your problem, and you can start taking one of them, just like I did, taking one of them and executing against it to completion. Now the biggest problem most people have is that they try to do too many things all at one time and therefore they don't get anything done. And so I always advocate to you, whether it's here or anywhere else you might engage with me, is take one thing and do it completely. And that will give you the energy and the focus and the confidence to then continue to the next thing. So taking care of that, that business event that was going to be going on this weekend that was in great jeopardy of being successful as a result of being out of touch for about 10 days, I just went ahead and took care of it. Sent out what I needed to send out and said to myself, you know what, it's going to be what it's going to be and therefore we'll see, you know, see what happens. And I've gotten great response despite the silence for the last, you know, week or so. So that's done. I don't have to worry about it. I just now have to prepare for it, which I would have had to do anyway. And then now that my taxes are situated, you see where I'm going. Okay. So Just get kind of organized and get clear. Now, the, the next thing that touches on what problem you're having and the solutions is it might be just that you just need to get yourself kind of refocused on what was your goal or your target that you're, that you're working toward. So, you know, everybody knows I've been writing my screenplay, and I do that on the weekends. And yet I didn't for the last 2 weekends. And guess what? I gave myself permission not to. Even Saturday when I got back, I kind of was sitting here at 12 o'clock, I decided not to go to the library, sitting here going, I'm really not into this. I'm just not. And yet I did, you know, sense some guilt cropping up saying, you know, you need to, you didn't do it last week and you have a deadline of August 1st, you need to get this 'Get the screenplay written, even if it's 5 sentences today.' And the next thing you know, my cousin, a very sweet, dear cousin of mine who lives here in Atlanta and I've never really taken advantage of spending time with, calls and says, 'How about coming over?' And so I just sat here, and at first I said, 'I can come over now,' and then I said, 'You know, I'll come over in an hour,' because I thought, 'Okay, I'm going to sit here and get at least 15, 20 minutes, half hour worth of work done.' So I hung up from him, looked at my desk or looked at my laptop and said, you know, it's not going to happen. So I'm going to get some other kind of goal-setting structuring done for this week and I'm going to give myself permission to take off another day, another Saturday and do what I need to do to kind of get myself back into prime shape, so to speak. And I did. And I didn't regret it and I didn't feel guilty about it. Because I also heard my coach's voice behind me. Joan Curtis out of Athens. I speak about her often here. She's my business and life coach, if you may. And we talk every Friday, give or take, you know, certain days that, you know, one of us, but mostly me, has conflicts with. Anyway, I just heard her voice saying, "You need to give yourself permission. You need to go ahead and do it. Take care of yourself first and everything else will still be here and you'll then be focused and energized in order to continue forward." And she was absolutely right, even though she really didn't say it to me. I said I had her say it to me, if that makes sense at all. But anyway, I heard her voice. I listened. I heard that something was being spoken to me and I needed to hear it. And I did. And it was a beautiful thing. And I got myself back into what I was going to suggest next is, if you're confused as to what to do, then lay out your goals. You know, lay them out so you're clear as to how you're going to get yourself out of that dark storm and moving forward. And start there, start with those tips. Feeling it, being quiet, talking to others, listening. You know, writing it out in black and white, finding the solutions to it, and then acting on those solutions are going to help you like it's helped me over the past 10 days to kind of work through my own struggle, work through this feeling of loss or this actual loss, but also this feeling of loss and emptiness. And then I find myself just being filled up with joy and with with loving memories and with faith and belief that though it's my mother that I've lost, she's always with me. And whatever your struggle is, you can do the same. So I'm just thrilled that you were able to spend some time with us today, with me today, on this kind of special memory and lesson episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. But join us next week when I interview Sheila Ronning of Women on the Board. And then every Tuesday at noon Eastern time where we help you shift from bitch to rich in your life. So this is Bernadette Boas. Thank you so much for joining, and I will talk with you right here Tuesday next week. Thanks everybody. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your— Suckers! And the dialogue is always going on at shenmuebitch.com. See you next week. Thank you for using BlogTalkRadio. Goodbye. Oh, sorry, Ben.
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