It's MAY.... and Ask Me Anything Week. Call 1-818-572-2910 with your burning ???

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch or share share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How is everybody on this glorious first day of May? Do you believe it? I mean, it's just— life has got to slow down. The fact that we're already, you know, completed 4 months of this new year, it's just mind-blowing. But again, I hope you're having a beautiful, beautiful May 1st wherever you might be. Uh, I am— I mentioned to you last week, I am sitting at the beach, um, with my 5 sisters, my niece, the one niece that was able to come down I have a large number of nieces, but she had to leave this morning, first thing this morning. So my sisters and I are sitting here. Fortunately, my sisters, they're out on the beach right now. They're sitting in the sand, they're looking out at the ocean, they're watching the dolphins go by. And I've been up in the house working all morning, but now speaking to you, which is perfectly fine, and I'll get myself down there. Um, at some point though, I was just talking to Deborah before we came live, and I was telling her that I, I'm not a sunbather, really never been a sunbather, even though I spent a lot of years in Boca Raton, Florida. Um, at the same time, since about my, you know, mid to late 20s, I just have not wanted to kind of bake myself and bake my skin. And, and I did have a bout of melanoma a couple years ago on my back, so I just don't, I don't kind of push it. I don't, I don't set myself up for potential issue. So, uh, but I'll get myself down there, especially as the sun does come down, or first thing in the morning, very early, uh, is when I tend to make my way down to the sand, down to the sand. And that brings me to our topic for today. It is Ask Bernadette. So I, what I did was I had a question or two kind of in the realm of what May's all about. And May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Did you know that? And from what I could tell online, and I wish I could say that I've been an expert in making, you know, May a, uh, a mental health awareness month. I actually noticed over the last few years it was only a week So obviously with everything that's going on in the world this past year, these organizers have felt that, you know, we need to make it a full month. And if not a full month, we need to make it a daily. And that's why I thought it was important for us to have this conversation today. Because one, I was definitely feeling, even leading up to my trip, I've been, I've been on the beach since Friday, and I just, you know, felt myself, that my mental, emotional, spiritual, physical self needed a break and needed some rest and relaxation. And quite honestly, there's been a number of things going on with my family and even my extended family, meaning in-laws and whatnot. And I really also needed to just be able to physically hug and give a kiss to my sisters. I'll see my brothers in a couple of weeks, but right now there was a much need for mental health and I thought, well, let's take then, you know, this idea of mental health, this stigma of mental health, and let's put a focus on it, on this month's program because of the fact that it is Mental Health Awareness Week. Or I'm sorry, Mental Health Awareness Month. So that's what I'd love to sit back and talk with you about. And if you have any questions, stories, or challenges you want to discuss, whether it's during live program right now for the next hour, or if you go out to Facebook and Twitter or LinkedIn at any time, feel free to reach out to me. I was even posting at the last minute that should you have a question, should you have some someone or something that you needed to talk about, or even if you're an expert in this area of mental health, I would love you to contribute to the conversation. And as a matter of fact, we'll look for some last-minute experts to come back onto the program over the next few weeks. We had— we do have some guests, but any openings I have, I definitely want to put to this subject because we definitely need to all work together in order to in order to really, you know, kind of go from surviving life, which the majority of us do, is just kind of make it through every day and we feel, you know, fortunate, to really thriving in life and how to turn mental health on its head to where it's not a stigma and it's not something that we shy away from and it's not something that we don't talk about. We have to, have to, have to put the spotlight on it, and we'll get into all of that, um, during the program. So I'm working on my mental health and hope you are as well. And at the same time, normally when I'm away at the beach, it's Mother's Day week, at least it's the Tuesday prior to Mother's Day. And now I guess Mother's Day is even a week later, so it's not. But at the same time, I want to remind everybody it is Mother's Day coming up. I believe it's the 14th. And so moms out there, what can you be doing to focus on your own mental health? And either treating yourself to a day of self-love or an hour of self-care or whatever the case might be, or even suggesting, if not telling, those people that love you and that will buy you candy or flowers or take you out to dinner. Maybe instead you say, you know what, I'd really love to have a day off, go out with friends, go out on a date with my you know, partner or whomever. I want a spa day. I want a massage. I want something that will allow me to just kind of take a deep breath, relax, and really focus on you. So I'll remind you of that next week as well. It's just important for each one of us, whether you're a mother or not, to really build in self-care into your life each and every day. And we'll talk about that. So we are going to talk about mental health. We're going to talk about what it is and what it's not. We're going to talk about the stigma around it, the impact of mental health, the things you could do to talk about it, even address it. And then of course, if you are supporting someone in your life that's dealing with it, whether it's subtle or simple or dramatic and traumatic, we want to put a spotlight on that because Like I said, together we can turn it from being a stigma to being what it is, and that is a health issue that deserves the same attention and treatment as any other. And we're going to also define that a little bit more so you really get a handle on what exactly is mental health when people, you know, use that saying, and without us rolling our eyes or you know, going inward and not wanting to talk about it, not wanting to confront it. Um, we need to be self-aware, as we talk a lot about on this program. Self-awareness is step one to you thriving in life, and you even then helping other people to thrive in life. Think about it when you fly, you know, you— they always tell you, put the mask on yourself first and then put the mask on the people that you're with. Self-care, self-love, mental health and stability are all the same thing. It is taking care of yourself first so you're at your optimal in order to help other people around you. All right, so this is what I want you to be thinking about. We always give a rich question for you to consider as we get into these conversations, whether it's one of the Ask Bernadette programs like today, or it's one of the programs we have a guest with us. So your rich question for today I want you to ponder is, what is your attitude toward mental health? And when you ask that of yourself, go quiet and just really see what comes up. It might come up physically, it might come up emotionally, it might come up as you rolling your eyes or you go, you know, kind of going inward. But what is your perception? What is your belief system? What is your attitude or judgment around mental health? Again, awareness is key to making a, a shift, especially a positive shift in anything. Now, the rich tags I would like all of us to be using as we have this conversation, not only during the program, but even post the program, and especially throughout the month of May, which is again, Mental Health Awareness Month. So our hashtags are going to be #mentalhealthawareness. Our hashtag is going to be #stopthestigma. Stop the stigma. And of course, #shedthebitch. Alright, because you can all— you can always lump this topic of discussion into our overall theme of shedding the bitch by it being, let's shed the mental health stigma bitch. Makes sense. All right, we're gonna take a quick commercial. We're gonna come back and we're gonna get into defining it, confronting it, and then working to heal it for you or someone that you know and love. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career the career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com www.facebook.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking mental health because it is Mental Health Awareness Month, all month of May. So it's perfect that it's May 1st. It'll give us a lot of breathing room to have this conversation. So if you're not completely comfortable right now opening up, maybe tomorrow, maybe a week from now, maybe by the time we get on to the next program next Tuesday. Um, it— because we all know mental health, especially right now with everything going on in the world, is a very critical component of having a very thriving life. So what is it? So, and what is the kind of a formal definition of it? And it's really simple: a person's condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being. Now you can replace that and say, okay, so what's physical health? Well, it's a person's condition with regard to their physical well-being. So why we, we kind of alienate, I'll call it alienate mental health as if it's a stigma or if it's a, you know, not a sin but almost like a scar is really inappropriate and is really doing a disservice to so many of us. Because all we really need and what we need to focus on is the fact that just like a physical ailment, we also have to take care of our mental or emotional or psychological, because we do have a brain and a heart that also kind of, you know, makes up our entire well-being. And yet we always focus just on the physical. So what we're going to do as much as we can for the next 30 days and beyond is focus on the mental, the psychological, and the emotional. So how does it show up? And each one of you could be sitting there right now to try to think through, and maybe you already rolled your eyes going, "I don't have a mental health issue." Well, guess what? If you've ever been depressed, if you've ever been angry, if you've ever been in a state of self-pity or self-loathing, maybe you, you or someone you know is extremely negative toward the world, toward themselves, toward anything. Maybe you deal with anger or anxiety, a panic attack. You could have extremes to where you or someone you know experiences mood swings to the extent where it might even be diagnosed as bipolar. Maybe you have OCD. I have an, I have elements of it within myself. Or even hypomania, which is when for an extended period of time someone is extremely hyper, extremely excited. And demonstrating that. And, and you can go on and on and on. So the first question that you have to ask yourself before you start rolling eyes or making judgments or thinking this is a stigma is, have I, have you ever experienced any one of those things? Whether it be for an hour, a day, a month, and sadly if it went on for months or years. If so, then you yourself have dealt with mental health issues, and that should not be a negative thing. That should not be a bad thing. That should just be something that you're dealing with, just like if you, you know, had an ankle issue or you had a stomach issue or you had a heart issue. In this case, you're having a mental issue and therefore should put all the spotlights on yourself and/or anybody that is dealing with it in order to see, to find them the help that they need to kind of get through and push through it. Excuse me. So, we kind of now know what it is, the psychological, the emotional. We know all the different forms that it can come in, whether we acknowledge it, admit it, or self-aware of it. And at the same time, we also have to recognize how it can come about. 'Cause like I had said earlier on, it could be very subtle or it could be very, very dramatic. So some ideas, put it in your head about ideas around how any one of those mental health issues could come about. Well, it could be simply as being rejected. Maybe you were turned down for a job or for a promotion or maybe from a date. Or a, you know, sale from a client. And that, that emotional state, that emotional reaction that you have to that in a form of, of rejection, that then could turn into depression or could turn into anger or negativity or self-loathing or self-pity. And whether it lasts— again, if it lasts 5 minutes, an hour, or it's something that's ongoing you need to, for yourself and for anyone else around you that might be experiencing it, you need to be able to tap into it, rec— and recognize it as quickly as possible in order for you then to, to decide and choose, because it's choice, as to whether or not you're going to survive that, or you're— or, and, you know, or— I'm sorry, you're simply going to survive that, deal with it, uh, accept it get comfortable with it, or you're going to decide you want to thrive and move and push through it. But it could be as subtle as that. It could be a childhood trauma that, uh, uh, you know, that then kind of lingers on. And I'll mention a few of my own so maybe you can relate, but that might, you know, linger on and become part of your story, part of your mental health. Either that needs to be worked on and supported and helped, or or if you have already kind of pushed yourself through and now you are thriving. It could be PTSD. And it is interesting because, you know, PTSD for many, they go right to, oh, PTSD is only for those people who have been through war. And fortunately, they have done a tremendous amount of study on PTSD. And I will not claim to be an expert in, you know, in PTSD. PTSD. However, I do know that they have done tremendous amount of study, especially over the last decade, on the effects of PTSD. And they have found that even, you know, incidences that you might have gone through, such as a childhood trauma or maybe an assault, or maybe you are one of those victims of a Parkland or a Columbine, you know, type of shooting. Maybe you have been through a natural disaster like Sandy or one of the other storms. And, and lost everything, lost, you know, what you're feeling as if is your entire life. Maybe you've been in a car accident or have had, or have had a loss or a death that you just can't shake. PTSD is even, you know, described as something that may not show up immediately but over time and very subtly and very dramatically creating, you know, longer-term impact should you let, allow it, longer impact to your life and to your mental health and stability. So, you really, for yourself and for those around you, you just want to be able to tap into how you are responding and reacting and, and feeling toward situations that occur in your life. Because again, the difference between surviving life and thriving in it is being able to tap into and recognizing those, those things and deciding to make it a shift and a change so you can move to thriving as opposed to just surviving. Because the impacts, the impacts can be life-altering, can be devastating, can be changing. They can, you know, affect every area of life, and it is not just about you. Either. Now, of course, as we said at, at the beginning and the top of the hour of this conversation, you do need to take care of yourself first. But we said that in the scope of the fact that by taking care of yourself, you're able to take care of those around you. Well, if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not able to take care of those around you. So if you're failing, or you're ignoring, or you're avoiding really recognizing maybe something that you are going through. And ladies, a lot of times women, you know, kind of go an entire life without, not necessarily recognizing it but doing anything about it because just like women do, they feel that they need to take care of everybody else long before they take care of themselves. But if you can learn that concept of putting on the mask on yourself first and then putting it on other peop— you know, the people around you, the people that you love, that you care for, then you'll recognize the fact that by taking care of yourself is not being selfish. It's not thinking about only you. It's taking care of yourself so you can take care of other people around you. And we talk a lot about just always being self-aware and even We do not, we do not use the word self-diagnose, but that is basically what we are saying is if you can get to know yourself to the point where when you do have subtle shifts or dramatic shifts, whether you do have subtle incidences in your life or you have the rug pulled out from under you, you, you know, will know and recognize that, know how you have responded in the past, and how that response affects you. Affected you. And then you can make a choice as to saying, well, I responded in this way and I did not really like it and it kept me down in the doldrums for too long. Or, you know, I responded in this way, I acknowledged that, I decided I did not want, want that, and I pushed myself and confronted and shed whatever it was that was holding you down. And that is the, what, you know, the, the direction I want to take for this situation. So the more you get to know yourself, the more you get to understand your response and your reaction to things, then the more effective you will be in self-care and in taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, you know, in all of those ways. So you're healthy all around. So mental health issues can have impacts not only on you but those around you. It could have impacts in, in the way of, again, whether it's you or someone else, whether there's a suicide or not, or whether there's a murder or not, or whether there is someone that falls into addiction as a result of them not taking care of themselves, not tapping into what it is that they're feeling and dealing with. Obviously, they can fall into depression and loneliness to where they are secluding themselves, you know, away from everybody. And all of a sudden, that subtle, that subtle incident turns into a more dramatic, which could turn into someone, you know, hibernating or just, you know, becoming reclusive and you losing that person or losing yourself, not only mentally but also physically. Because they choose that. And of course we all know that many of the homeless that are out there are deemed, you know, with mental health issues. And if you looked at it and you considered what effects mental health can have on someone, again, that loneliness, those addictions, those reclusiveness, those, you know, hiding, turns into them finding themselves on the street homeless and not getting the care that they, that they need and that they deserve. But when you look at, okay, so I don't wanna fall myself or someone else to fall into a state of potential suicide or even murder or addiction or loneliness or homelessness. I want it to be different. Well, then always focus on, always focus on the positive effects of overcoming the ego when it comes to mental health. And that's where the stigma gets created is in the ego and recognizing that, you know, you can stay positive, stay hopeful, and though it may not happen overnight, you can find— if you want to call it a cure, if you want to call solutions or strategies or, um, uh, support mechanisms that allow you to push through whatever it is that you or someone else is dealing with— you'll find that happiness, you'll find that confidence, you'll find that stability and that safety and that security, um, by addressing, uh, the thriving through a mental health issue as opposed to simply surviving through it. And the effects, totally contrary to the effects if you don't deal with it and you still consider it a stigma to where you're too proud and you're too stubborn and one's too, I'll use a word, ignorant to wanting to take care of themselves or those that they love. And therefore, they go down that path of the stigma as opposed to going down the path of facing it and confronting it, shedding it, and thriving through it. And those could be, you know, the impacts. And you, again, you have a choice. Which direction do you want to go? And how do you want the, the result to look like? And you can choose which path to take. Through yours or someone else's mental health issues. But we are going to talk about how you can tell if someone, even yourself, is dealing with mental health. But I do want to talk about the stigma issue first as a segue from our previous conversation. If you think about it, go back to the question I asked at the, at the rich question at the top of the hour. What is your attitude toward mental health? And if you didn't ask it earlier, ask it to yourself right now and kind of feel through it. Did you roll your eyes? Did you choke up? Did you kind of, your stomach, you know, kind of contract? Did you get goosebumps? You know, did you just get quiet? We all have our biases, we all have our opinions, we all have our judgments around mental health. And I'll, you know, I'll tell you right now that if you would ask me about mental health about, you know, I don't know, 6, 8 years ago, I would have looked at it as purely those people that, you know, are dealing with the very severe mental health issues that are are manic-depressive, or are suicidal, or are the ones, you know, that are all of a sudden, I guess you can say bipolar, or hypomania, or those other things. I would not have necessarily said, oh well, you know, based on some incidents and traumas in my own life, my behavior of drinking too much, of eating too much, of, you know, having a fear of missing out, having some compulsions and OCD. Oh, those are, you know, those aren't, have nothing to do with all those, you know, traumas and incidences in my life. That, that those aren't mental health issues. Those are just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Get it? So even I would have just dismissed it or judged it or, you know, kind of, um, ignored the fact that, guess what, Bernadette, had you realized it and kind of confronted this stuff 10, 15, 20 years ago, you know, you might have saved yourself a lot of junk, a lot of bitches, as we call them. And I don't have any regrets. So life has happened the way it's supposed to happen for me. I'm just glad today I can tell you that I've moved beyond about 99% of them, and I'll mention that in just a second. But, uh, we all deal with bitches. We all deal with junk. We just have to be willing to own it, to be okay with it, to accept it, and then to want to do something about it. Because that's what life is every day. It's a choice of whether or not you want to Live in the junk or live beyond it? You want to live with the bitches or create your riches? That's what all— what Shedding the Bitch is all about, shifting from bitch to rich. So that's your choice. And every day we have to make those choices because every day we have stuff, we have stuff that comes up in life that will cause us to get down into the junk. And, you know, you can describe depression as, you know, sitting on your couch eating bonbons for a day, a week, or you can look at it as, oh, depression must be something where they are, you know, they are hiding away and they are drinking or, you know, doing drugs, or they are just miserable, they never come out. I mean, it is, there are so many degrees of all of it. So, for any one of us to say that we do not have mental health issues, I want someone to say that to me. I challenge you, say that to me. Maybe you don't have them today, but to say that someone's lived any amount of days, weeks, months, and years on this earth, every one of us have dealt with mental health. So the idea that we are looking at it as a stigma, as something that we should be ashamed of, of something that we, you know, get defensive about or shut up about, or don't acknowledge or don't have anything to do with is just wrong. And it's doing a disservice to all of us because when that time comes, should it come— I'm not saying that I hope it comes for you or someone that you love— you want all the support around you that you can get. You want it, you want it, you want it, you want it. And so, you know, don't cry wolf. Don't cry to where you don't acknowledge it, you don't support it, you only judge it, and then when you need it, you're expecting everyone to open their arms to it because it's not going to happen. So learn today, learn today to recognize that you and everyone around you deserve this, the self-care and the love and the support to deal with any of the psychological, emotional, mental challenges, mental hiccups that we might experience at any given time or for any amount of time. All right, all right, we're gonna take a short break. When we come back, I had mentioned I want to talk about how can you tell if someone, including yourself, might be dealing with some mental health issues. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover Discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are celebrating, honoring, putting on a pedestal mental health and the mental health awareness because it is Mental Health Awareness Month. We are taking the stigma out of it and appreciating it for what it is, just like any physical illness or physical ailment. Or physical trauma that gets, that gets in our way and that, you know, impacts our life. Our mental health is just as, if not even more important, to ensure that we are removing any stigma about it, any judgment, any negativity about it, and recognizing it for what it is: another aspect of a being, a human being that is made up of both a body and a mind. And so we're taking care of our mind today, and we're shedding the mental health stigma, bitch, and providing you some education and some thoughts and insights on what you could be doing and learning and becoming self-aware of. So how can you tell if someone is dealing with mental health? Now, I actually took this from a question that I was asked, and I kind of changed it around, but I'm going to also address that. I'm going to make sure we don't run out of time. 'Cause what I was actually asked specifically was, how can I get better at bouncing back after a situation? And they had explained the situation to me. You know, how can I kind of get better at bouncing back 'cause it's just, you know, taking, a particular situation took too long and really created a lot of havoc for this individual. So I kind of turned that around because I wanted to make sure, I thought it was important for all of us to know and to be aware and to learn about what it is, what is that behavior that could be indicating mental health issues. And we certainly recognize how devastating, you know, through all these shootings, especially these school shootings that have gone on, or the, you know, driving up sidewalks and ramming people with their cars. I only afterwards do we hear about the fact that they had mental health issues. And, you know, the families, you know, bless their hearts, you know, then come out saying, you know, "I wish I had paid attention more," or, "I wish I picked up on that cue." So I think it's important for us to really have some indicators, have some things that we could always be looking out for. Not as if we have to be, you know, paranoid about it. But if you see any of these things, whether it's about yourself or someone else, then maybe you just want to tune in and turn that channel up a little bit higher so you can do what you need to do. And we're going to talk about what, how you can talk to people and how to go about really supporting anyone that might be going through something. So picture yourself or picture someone else and think about, you know, have you seen changes in their mood? We were having a conversation the other night, and this was a whole separate conversation, and someone had mentioned, and I'm trying not to disclose anything, but someone had mentioned that yes, they recognized that this particular gentleman's mood had changed. It had gotten very, you know, very, from being a bubbly person, very short, very abrupt, very impatient. And, you know, and, you know, it took them months to really recognize it and then tap into it and ask about it. Unfortunately, it was one of those things that once they were even recognizing they had a support system around them, they made changes. So if you see changes in mood or their behavior or routine, if they were always doing X, Y, and Z, and whether it's activities or kind of time routines, routines about going to the gym and all of a sudden they stop, or routines about getting up at 6 in the morning and, you know, getting home at 5 and then going out till 8, but then all of a sudden you're recognizing that they're sleeping longer or they're staying out longer or they're never coming home or they're avoiding or ignoring, avoiding and ignoring something. If you, if you see that they do have mood swings or they are withdrawing first for some reason. Maybe they are distracted. God forbid if they start self-harming themselves or self-abusing. And self-abusing can go as far as, you know, drinking too much, eating too much, doing drugs, staying out or going out socially. I had mentioned that I had a, I developed a major fear of missing out, FOMO, fear of missing out. Now you might kind of go, oh, well, you know, you just wanted to be sure you were everywhere. No, I recognized that due to a couple of situations, couple of traumas, that I did it just so I was, I wasn't sitting for any amount of time and that I was always surrounded by somebody. So it can show up in very different ways. But, and that can be that for a form of self-harm, or it could be a physical self-harm where they're cutting or doing other things to themselves. Maybe it was someone that you always saw, and again, personal experience, not with me but with a very dear friend, personal experience where they were always the life of the party, they were always very positive, very go get 'em. And all of a sudden, over time, you know, became very negative, very dark, very gloomy. You know, if you said the sky was blue, it was black. If you, you know, if you said it was raining, it was sunny. Everything was just so negative. And again, these things can happen very subtly. And yet, if whether it's day 1 or day 300, If you pick up on these type of changes in yourself or someone else, you just want to be able to respond to, to it and acknowledge it, become aware of it, and then work toward trying to solve it. And once again, recognizing that in someone else or yourself, don't be hard on yourself that if, you know, you don't recognize it right away, and maybe something does happen, God forbid, um, you just have to, you know, you just have to be easy on yourself and then try a little harder. And now you're self-aware to where something might be going on, um, you know, it's not a secret where I have a nephew that went through his own stuff, for instance. So one part of the conversation that we were having, my sisters and I were having yesterday, I think, or day before, was until they were with him at a support meeting and he got up and said that he had fallen into a depression, you know, for a couple months right before that meeting. My sister and her husband, his parents, were stunned. They never picked up on it. They never— even though they talk on a daily basis and the, the, you know, father sees the son because they work together on a regular basis, neither one of them really saw at all that he had fallen kind of backwards. And they were shocked. Yet they were also woken up because they recognized that maybe they got too, too relaxed on paying attention to those cues, even those subtle cues. Again, a change in a mood, in a behavior, in a routine that you keep, It might be a mood swing or being withdrawn. It could be that they're distracted or short-tempered or all of a sudden, you know, impatient with you. Maybe they are— thank God this wasn't his situation— but, you know, they are self-harming or self-abusing themselves. But maybe they have gotten very negative or self-loathing. And if these, any of these relate to you too, even in the subtlest ways, Be easy on yourself and just know that, well, if you are acknowledging it and— or I am sorry, if you are recognizing it and you are willing to acknowledge it, then you are on the first steps to doing something about it. And that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. And remember, these things may not be from a dramatic experience. That someone does not have to go through a Parkland shooting, or go through Sandy, or go through a car accident, or a friend of mine losing her leg. From a simple bacterial, you know, infection due to a scratch or, you know, a slash in her leg from a car accident. You know, you don't have to have that. You could just have subtle life bitches that come up that cause, you know, that cause you to feel depressed or sad or pained or angry, or a number of those other things that we described. Hopefully that makes sense. I will just give you a quick, for instance, you know, because I have talked about it before. But if I looked at, and when I looked at, actually, when I looked at back about 8 years ago, 9 years ago, trying to figure out what was really causing me to have been, that turned into that ultimate corporate bitch. And I was just angry all the time, and I was very defensive, and I played devil's advocate. You know, if I wasn't the negative to where the sky was blue, I would say it was black. But I was more so always looking out for the worst-case scenario to happen because I felt— let's see if anybody can relate to this— because I felt that if I could feel and put my you know, psychological self through the worst-case scenario, then I felt that I was protecting myself should it happen. Does that make sense? So when you're playing, you know, devil's advocate or just negative toward the world, you're trying to protect yourself from that rejection. You're trying to protect yourself from bad things happening to you because you're feeling it before it even happens. I mean, how sad is that? And yet that was my mental health issue. And so I had to figure out, okay, so why, why was I putting myself through that? Why did I all of a sudden go from this, you know, young, precocious, happy-go-lucky young girl to this, you know, grown woman who was very defensive, very angry, very guarded, very mistrusting, distrusting. And so I started going back into very, very pretty much day one, as I can remember, of my childhood. And, you know, the big, the big things that I kind of uncovered from that is, um, everything from when I was, you know, 1 to 5. And I recognize that, um, I have 11 brothers and sisters, as many of you know, and I don't— didn't look or taste or smell or talk or anything like my brothers and sisters. And they used to tease me, and everyone else around me teased me about being the milkman's daughter, the postman's daughter. Now, many of you might be chuckling and laughing and saying, oh, that's cute. I took it as I didn't fit into my family unit. I wasn't one of them. I stood out. I was different. I did not look at it as unique yet. And so, that kind of did its own inner, inner reeking on my psyche. And then, I looked at the fact that, okay, so I was, you know, nice in, in grade school. All these are going to be long stories. I will not bore you with them. But I was nice in grade school. I was— I had a stalker at the age of 13 or 14 who then threatened myself and my father. And so, we could tell that, yes, he was definitely watching and stalking. Me. I had an assault in my 20s by a cop. So I started looking at all these situations, and sadly there's more, but looking through these situations and kind of then linking them to, okay, so how did I respond and react not only back then but even today? And now again, we're going back, you know, 7 or 8 years when I really started doing my shedding. So we all have mental health traumas or issues, big or small, that we deal with in life. And our job, each of us individually, then together, is to be kind to each other— be kind to— let me back up and say, be kind to ourselves, take care of ourselves, not judge ourselves, not allow anybody else to judge us, and And then to swallow our pride, where the stigma comes in, swallow our pride and seek the help that we need in order to address these things. So what I, what, what did I do? I recognized them. I sat in them for a long time, meaning I just kind of lived with those experiences that I pushed down very far into my psyche. Thinking that they were gone forever, and they never go away. Just know that now. They never go away. So, I just decided that I want it different. I want it new. I wanted thriving. And I chose to sit in it, feel it, experience it, and then push through it. And we'll talk more about that in a minute or so. So I want you to realize as you go back to that original question we asked, kind of what is your attitude regarding mental health, ask yourself that again now and, and see if there's been any type of shift, recognizing the fact that every one of us at some point in our lives, if we've lived at all, have had junk to deal with. And again, it just depends on if someone you know, kind of decided for it to take them down and out, or if they decided to pick themselves up, even if it took a long time to get picked up. I lived in that junk for a couple of decades, 20 years. I lived in that junk. I allowed that junk, um, to hold me down. And in full transparency, I will tell you that there's a percentage of it that still lingers. There's a percentage of it that still shows up as lack of trust. Quite honestly. That, that affects my life even to this day, and I just do whatever I can each and every day to be aware of it and to then be courageous and strong enough to confront it and push through it. So I don't allow that bitch, that mental health issue, to, to keep me from thriving in life. And one day I expect that that too will be taken care of, and until then I just am kind to myself, sometimes hard on myself, uh, to keep moving. And that's what I want for you, is just to recognize that, acknowledge it, confront it, and then at your pace and your time, you will work and push your way through it. And we're going to talk about why I believe that to be so true in just a second. Okay. All right. We're not even going to take a break. Because I'd like to just get right into this. What can you do in order to help other people? And then we're going to talk about how you can help yourself. Okay, so what can you do to help other people once you recognize that maybe someone else is dealing with something, or maybe they came to you? You know, it was beautiful to learn a few years ago that my nephew went to my sister and her husband and said, "I need help." But that doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes we have to help to shake the, shake the tree and, and, and let the leaves fall. So if that's the case and you want to help and guide that person through, first off, the first thing you need to do is just to kind of ground yourself, take a deep breath, and recognize that This may not be easy, it may not be immediate, and it may come with a lot of junk. It may come with a lot of resistance. It may come with a lot of angst. It may come with a lot of bitches, um, when, when you reach out— if they haven't reached out to you, but when you reached out, reach out to someone else. Because just think about your own attitude, possibly, or your own stigma that you feel toward, you know, addressing mental health issues. So just know that to begin with, and know that you're going to need patience, you're going to need tolerance, you're going to need compassion and sympathy, you're going to need to rid yourself of any judgment or ridicule or blame. You know, you need to get yourself in a position to where then you can approach them. I don't want to use the word confront in this situation because that just sounds too strong. You want to approach them to understand and to learn more. And that's the objective, is to learn more about what someone might be dealing with. Um, because all you can do is learn. You can't all of a sudden, you know, um, you can't all of a sudden almost take ownership of it. Or enable it. You just need to go on kind of a discovery with this person, uh, because they may discover things themselves that you might be seeing, but they just haven't been ready to acknowledge it themselves. So you have to be willing to, um, go on a learning journey with them. And in doing so, it's going to all be centered around asking a lot of questions and then shutting up and listening. So you're a counselor, you're a coach, you're a spiritual guide, you're whatever it is, but you're asking questions, not making statements, not telling, not directing, or even delegating. You're simply asking a lot of questions and then shutting up and listening. So, questions, um, It could be the, you know, how was your day? And that's a very open-ended question, and it's going to be up to you to not only listen but then also to drill into that. So of course, you know, if you think about kids, how was your day? Fine. What'd you do at school? Nothing. You have to then be able to ask more questions that get down to the root. You might then need to ask or provide observations. If they do kind of very dismiss, you know, dismiss things, you might have to say, well, I've noticed that you're spending more time in your room, or I noticed that, you know, you're showing up at work late, you know, every morning, or I noticed that you're spending a lot of time at the gym. That was one of my responses is I, you know, my shift into mental health issue was I became a compulsive worker out. I don't know what you call it, a fitness, fitness person. I went in for about an hour and a half in the morning. I went for 2 hours in the evening. Any chance I got that I was sitting still, I was in a gym. So you, you know, you ask questions, you make observations, you even can provide examples that they can relate to because maybe you've been through it. And you're, again, you're just discovering, you're wanting to learn. And at first they may not open up to you. And so what you want to do then is not force it, let it happen the way it needs to happen. But then what you need to do is you need to simply come back to the, you know, the person over time. Let them know you're always there for them. So you might send them texts, you might email them, you might leave a nice supportive voicemail just letting them know that you are there for them. You might just, you know, invite them out to dinner or out to a movie or out to, you know, a walk on the beach, since I am sitting here staring at the beach. You might provide them kind of recommendations and ideas of where they might be able to seek help. You might have to be direct to say, You, you know, you may not be there right now. You may not see this in yourself, but let me just provide you some observations that I am witnessing that you, all I am asking you to do is to think about and consider. That will not be taken, you know, defensively or offensively, but it is all in the way that you approach that conversation. As opposed to making statements or judgments or blaming or anything else, you simply ask questions, make observations, provide things that they can relate to, and then basically shut up and let them feel it, sit in it, and eventually, bless, you know, God bless, they open up and they reach out. And if they don't necessarily reach out right directly back to you, but they then say to themselves, okay, I can go and seek help through a friend or another family member or a professional. What, and we talked about kind of what you should not do. You don't want at any time judge, complain, blame, make statements, or tell them. Those are things that if you think about when you're mad or pissed or when you're hurt or feel offended and someone comes at you just making statements and making accusations or making judgments, you get very defensive, your guard goes up. So just think about someone that might be dealing with you know, depression or anxiety or anger, you don't want to provoke it. You want to support it and sympathize with it. All right, make sense? So that question about how can I, you know, bounce back, how can I be better at bouncing back, the question that, um, a friend of mine asked me the other day. Like I said, live in the emotion when you're going through something. Subtle or dramatic, live in it, feel it, you know, recognize how it is, you know, causing your body, your mind, your spirit, um, to, to react. Uh, be easy on yourself. Self-care, self-care, self-care. It should be the month of self-care is what the month should be called, along with mental health awareness. But it's all about self-care. Of course, you can write it out. We talk about journaling a lot here, or talking it out. Of course, seeking help. Recognize that I wish, you know, going to see a therapist was shh, you know, because going to see a therapist is no different than sitting down and talking to a life coach or a business coach. It's just a different certification on their wall, or it could be just the fact that, you know, they could prescribe, you know, and they can do certain things, you know, more than someone else can. But seek help. Don't let it allow some stigma or vanity or pride to get in your way. And of course, you having goals or making sure that person has goals and really understanding why they want to achieve that goal will, will expedite their ability to move forward and get out of the junk in their head. Because that's all what it's all about. And I'm gonna put on there, on Facebook, on Twitter, I'm gonna put on some other ways that you can work on healing mental health for yourself or someone else since we're running out of time. So I'll make sure that that gets posted to our Facebook and Twitter page. All right, everybody, I want to thank everybody for participating today or listening to a download. I'll talk to you right back here next noon, next Tuesday, at noon Eastern time. Thanks everybody, have a great week.

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Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com.

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