Leadership Transformation: I Got Fired So You Could Lead Better

In 2008, I got fired after 25 years in corporate America. I was a VP, Chief Knowledge Officer. I led global teams and I was a massive producer. Then I was shown the door and labeled a tyrant. Now, I'm not telling you this so you feel sorry for me. I'm telling you this because what I built out of that experience, the hard, honest, gut-wrenching work of looking at who I had become as a leader is exactly what I'm handing you today. And having coached leaders all around the world for the last 16 years, here's what I know about you. You are still in the seat, but just maybe you feel the gap between the manager you are today and the leader you know you're capable of being. And that gap is showing up in your team, in your results, and in the exhaustion of performing a version of leadership that doesn't actually feel like you, or maybe it's a key player on your team. Whomever it is, today I'm giving you my Shift to Riches Formula, the same framework I use throughout my initial transformation journey and the one I've used with 400+ executives all around the globe. It's 5 steps: Discover, Confront, Shed, Create, and Accelerate. And by the time we're done today, you're going to know exactly where you are and exactly what needs to change. And it's a tool you can share with other team members. I'm Bernadette Boas. Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Let's get into it.

Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms today's managers into tomorrow's powerhouse leaders. Your host, Bernadette Boas, executive coach and author, brings you into a world where the corporate grind meets personal growth and success in each and every episode.

I want you to consider something. The leader you are today was shaped by the fear you chose not to confront. The leader you're meant to be is waiting on the other side of that work. To be fully transparent, I was riddled with fear, insecurity, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and negativity. You didn't see it on the outside. A tornado of emotions within and everyone around me. Felt it. And although I was a massive producer and revenue generator, I still felt like I didn't fit in. I didn't belong, that I wasn't good enough, or I needed to do even more, or that others would find out that I was a fraud. Does any of that sound familiar? Let me share with you how I showed up with that storm raging inside me. I was overbearing as a micromanager, which screamed that I didn't trust anyone. I demanded their time, whether that was weekends or nights, because heck, if I was working, everybody else should be working. I was abrupt. I was curt and even bullish. I didn't have time for sweet talk and stroking of people's egos. I showed up as a robot versus a human where there was a job to do, a task to complete, and I wasn't holding anyone's hands through through it or revealing truths about myself. There was a place and a time for that, and work wasn't it. That is how I showed up. But then being fired by my mentor of 10 years, it forced me to really take a hard look in the mirror. And what I found was shocking. It was debilitating. I was so full of shame that I knew that something had to give. The bottom line is I was a bitch. I was a tyrant. I was that bully boss that so many people talk about and so many people are either afraid of or they run from. That bitch or bully that I was projecting was the armor to protect me from revealing to others just how fragile I was. It was what fear and security and ego built, but somehow I needed to knock it down. It turned into the most powerful leadership lesson that I've ever learned. More importantly, I was convinced it could be transformed. I could be transformed because as Ian Watts of Employee Success Company recently said on our episode, Engagement Equals Ibida, he's quoted as saying, if I want to do something truly in my heart, nothing will stop me. If I don't, anything will stop me. I was so ready to do something and it was definitely coming from the heart. So my question to you is, are you, or maybe you need a tool to help someone on your team? I built my 5-Step Shift to Riches Formula out of the work that I did myself to guide clients and you toward true leadership for your team, business, and yourself. Let me walk you through it. As we dig into this, I want to make note of a few things. First is understand that this is a proven, repeatable process. And again, I call it my 5-step Shift to Riches Formula, which encompasses discover, confront, and shed those things that are holding you back so you can create and accelerate the riches in life that you deserve. And it is currently being authored into a sequel to Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, which was published published back in 2011. Therefore, stay tuned for Shift to Riches Formula: The Guide to Your Success. Lastly, I want you to be listening for yourself as we get into this at every step to identify where you are currently and any gaps that might exist and where you would want to go first. So this is a conversation where you could be doing work as we talk so you can begin your own journey to Shift to Riches. Step 1: Discover. This is all about you discovering who you are. It's pulling back the curtain and really helping you to understand you as a leader right now, where you want to be, and what gaps that might exist. At the same time, it's also having you be brutally honest with yourself. About those internal bitches of fear, insecurity, doubt, ego, imposter syndrome, whatever it might be, because you can only make changes if you're aware of the changes that need to be made. And you can actually only enrich the wonders and the riches that you already possess by being very self-aware of them. Discover really has you looking at all aspects of who you are, as well as who you want to be. The next layer of Discover would be the fact that it also wants you to look at the exterior sabotagers, those things that get in your way and impact you, and therefore you might respond in a way that is not necessarily the type of individual, let alone leader, that you want to be. It could be the environment, the people, the relationships, the voices, that are reinforcing the wrong version of you. Lastly, you need to be able to discover, reveal, and disclose to yourself your talents, your riches, your values, your qualities, your strengths. Those things that we don't even think twice about when it comes to who we are and what makes us the person that we are. They are real and they are waiting for you to discover them because Those are going to be the things as we walk through this process that are going to motivate you and help you accelerate to want to keep pushing into the uncomfortable part of self-discovery, self-awareness, and actual transformation. So you want to look at who you actually are today, who you want to be, what are the internal bitches of fears, insecurities, and negativities that are getting in your way, what are those external sabotagers that are hindering you being the best version of yourself? And lastly, what are those riches, as I call them? What are those beautiful things about you that we don't spend a lot of time really relishing? Those things, we're always looking for the negative. Well, I want you looking at the positives because it'll be those things that will keep you moving forward. And a last aspect of Discover is what I call the FEAR framework. You might've heard the acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. The stories that you're telling yourself, those negative things that are on the constant loop that you're telling yourself that actually aren't true. There's ways that you could be working through to become self-aware and discover what those loops are. Looking for evidence that they are true. Most likely you will find that they are not. And then changing up the story that you're telling yourself. So you're no longer playing the reel of the negativities, you're playing reels or loops of positive— call them affirmations, just call them different stories that you're telling yourself. So then you are feeling confident and secure and feeling like you deserve and you belong. Before we move on, in this Discover phase, I want you to ask yourself one question and start drilling into that for yourself. What has been true about your leadership that you have not wanted to put a name to it? Because maybe it's something that you know is a gap, is something that's working against you, is something that's working against the people around you. What is that one thing? Self-awareness is key here. Honesty is key, and this is only for you. Take a few minutes to really think about it and even find your journal and start scribbling about it. Once you put pen to paper or your heart onto paper, you will be amazed at the things that become much lighter, much brighter, and much easier. Now, step 2 is confront. You've discovered all these things about you, the good, the bad, the ugly, the bitches and the riches, as I call them. And now it's time to confront them, to look at them directly, honestly, without rationalization, without deflection, without blame, without shame, just simply trying to understand yourself and what is actually motivating you or causing you to show up the way you're showing up. And so you want to look for the behaviors, the patterns, the impact that you're having to those around you, especially in the workplace, to your team and your peers and bosses. And if you're honest, that will be your first step to really transforming yourself into a powerhouse leader, is recognizing the impact that you're having to those around you, let alone to yourself. In the confront phase, start chipping away at all the information that you've gained about yourself, including those riches. Remember those riches that oftentimes people are uncomfortable acknowledging their talents, their strengths, their values, their beliefs, their skills, their accomplishments, their experiences, their expertise. You wanna own your strengths. You wanna claim your value and you wanna believe in your capacity without needing a title or a performance review to confirm it. Because once you do and you begin to slowly feel comfortable in your own skin, regardless of what it's made up of, the ugly and the beautiful, the warts and the beauty marks, then that is your first step to really becoming a true leader, a true individual. And there's nothing more exciting and more freeing in that. I'll share a story with you. It was a couple years into what I call my shedding process. And I was discovering a lot about myself and it wasn't pretty. And I did start working to confront it. And I was out on a run at the local park with my dog. And I ran into a couple of ex-employees, people that actually worked for me. In corporate a couple years earlier. Though they hesitated, they walked up to me, they said hello, and I could tell one of them was really checking me out, just like looking up and down with this inquisitive look on their face. And I got a sense within me of why they were doing that. All of a sudden, one of them said, Bernadette, did you have any work done? And I'm like, no, why? And they're like, well, you look like 10 years younger. And I let that laugh out and I said, thank you so much. But that's what happens when you shed your bitches. When you let go, when you free yourself of not all, but those weighty fears and insecurities and negativities and self-doubts, you do, like I said earlier, you feel lighter, you feel freer. And it does show, it does reflect. Not only within yourself, but externally as well. And other people sense it as well. It was a beautiful, beautiful little exchange. And I remember it to this day. So start confronting those things that you might not be comfortable with. At the same time, just remember on the other side is you as the person you're meant to be, as a leader that you deserve to be. As we close out confront, I want you to be thinking about something. What behavior or belief about yourself are you most avoiding right now? So of all those things in the discover phase, what is that behavior or belief about yourself that you are avoiding? Because that is the one you want to confront first. Don't worry about how, you know, how big that list might be. Just What is the number one top-of-mind behavior or belief that you have about yourself that you have been avoiding to recognize, to put a name to, and/or to confront? And that brings us to step 3, shed. Now I have to tell you, this is one of the most transformative, exciting, the freeing part of the process, because now that you discovered and confront, and there's a lot of discomfort there, There's even some avoidance there. But once you do get comfortable, remember, if you want to do anything from the heart, you'll do anything. But if you don't, then you won't. This is from the heart. You, you have discovered and confront, and now you start letting go. You start releasing those behaviors, beliefs, the identities, and those patterns that have been running not only your leadership, but who you are and how you're projecting yourself and how you're showing up for other people around you. And that is not producing the results you want for your relationships and your career. And for managers, what you really need to be looking at is those examples of how I showed up. You wanna start shedding the need to control, the armor that keeps teams at a distance and that won't give you feedback because they're afraid of how you're gonna respond. Maybe it's the perfectionism in you that is actually slowing down any decision-making or any creativity or any development of the people around you. And if it's that edge that others see as aggressive or the ego that blocks anyone from giving you feedback, well, this is the time to start finding ways to just let it go, let it go and free you up to really hone in on those riches that you've discovered about yourself. You're even confronting them because maybe you've never been the type to want to sit and relish in the things that make you the wonderful, beautiful person that you already are. And yet you want to use all of that as a springboard to confront and shed those things that are just not working for you. And trust me when I say I coach hundreds and hundreds of middle managers to C-level executives around the world. We all possess bitches. We all possess riches, and yet there are things that are getting in our way, and our riches can help to knock down those barriers and to really springboard us into all the success that we want in our lives. So this is the time to start welcoming the shedding process. Trust me, it is one of the most courageous acts of leadership, but it's also one of the most freeing acts of just being human, quite honestly. One last aspect I want to give you in the shed phase is what I call the 3 C's of shedding. It's clarity about what it is you want to release, commitment to the discomfort of the process, and the courage to follow through when the old patterns pull you back, because they will, just like anything. You're trying to make a change. You want to stay focused, you want to stay disciplined, you want to be very attentive, but at the same time you fall back a little bit. But you know what? That's just fine. You get up, you shake it off, and you work at it again. And sooner or later you start feeling, which we'll get into with Create, you'll start feeling the excitement of the changes that you're making, that you're going to want to get up even faster than you might have gotten up before. Before we close out shedding, there's one action I want you to be taking to really hone in on this step of the process. That is, name one thing that you're willing to shed. Not 10 things. Go through that confront, validate it with your discover, and name that one thing that you're willing to start shedding and working on right now. Is it a behavior? Is it a belief? Is it a pattern? Is it a experience that you're creating for the people around you that you want to change for not only everyone around you, but for yourself? What is that one thing? And I'll share with you the one thing that I wanted to shed. Uh, now leave a comment if you want to hear more of this story, because I'm going to keep it very brief. I'm one of 12 children. I'm the middle child. I was considered the milkman's daughter, the postman's daughter. I just didn't look sound, act, anything like 11 of my brothers and sisters for a good many years. And so I embedded, instilled in myself that I was adopted, and that turned into that I didn't fit in, that I didn't belong. Because if I didn't belong to my family, how do I belong anywhere else? And that was one thing in my late 40s through this 5-step process that I put myself through that I really had to not only discover that's what was really keeping me down, but I had to confront it, find that evidence that wasn't real. And then I had to work to shed it and recognize that I actually did belong. I actually did fit in, so forth and so on. That was my one shedding that was hard for me. So find that one thing doesn't have to be really hard. You could start easy and work your way through. But believe me, it is, again, I'll overuse this word freeing, but it is, I'll say liberating. And if you wanna hear more about that story and the impact that it had and how it showed up on a day in, day out basis for me throughout my tyrant bitchy stages, then feel free to leave a comment anywhere you're seeing this episode. Let's move on to the create phase 'cause this is when it gets fun. To this point, you have discovered, confront, and shed those things that are just not working for you. And now, as you go through this process, even in your discover phase, and you're letting things come to the surface, but then you're also letting them shed away, you all of a sudden are seeing the world differently. You're looking in the mirror and seeing a different person. It might not be physiological, I'll call it, but it definitely could be physical. Remember. I went from a scowl on my face on a day-in, day-out basis to a softer, welcoming smile and expression. And so in the Create phase, as you have working through that shedding, you are all of a sudden becoming more confident, more secure, more open, more creative. You want more. You want bigger, better, newer, different. And you want to build new things. You want to build new behaviors. You want to build on your leadership or change it completely. You want to create new ways of showing up for those around you, new goals for yourself personally and professionally in all aspects of your life, because of the fact that you're recognizing the potential, the capability you have as a human, let alone as a team member or a leader within the business. Now, one caution for you. This is typically the phase that people want to start. When they come to me and they recognize that there are things about them that they want to work on, and they want to develop and enrich and grow, they want to start here. They want to just start creating new goals, creating new behaviors without ever acknowledging, let alone confronting and shedding the patterns and the behaviors and the beliefs that have been kind of keeping them where they are all this time. And by only creating on top of those unexamined patterns of those behaviors, it's not transformation. It's going to be performance. Think about that. If you don't recognize and do something about what is causing you to feel and express and project who you are in your current state, and you just go and want to put new goals, new patterns, new behaviors on top of that, that's just fake performance. That's just putting on a mask, which is what I did for many, many years, is put on a mask. You don't want to do that. You have to strip away, you have to shed those things that have caused you this discomfort, that has caused you this unhappiness, that has caused you this strife and struggle, maybe in the workplace amongst your peers or your colleagues or your team members. You need to work on shedding those things. So then you're opening up space in both your heart and your head to then create new. And I'm telling you, there's nothing more exciting about that. What it often looks like for my clients when we go through this is that all of a sudden they're like, okay, so I really want to define my new leadership style, my vision, what I want for the team, for the culture, for myself. And therefore I want to commit to certain behaviors, certain goals. I want to work on the relationships, make sure that they're grounded in, in trust and build that ability to have healthy conflict and have that accountability and have that commitment. So that we're all then growing and enriching both ourselves and the business as a whole. As a coach, there's nothing better than recognizing and seeing that and experiencing that from a client. It is all inspiring, and it's why I do what I do. So really relish in the Create phase, and if you're not there yet As you're in the discover or confront or shed phase, then recognize the excitement and the newness and the opportunity that you have coming for you when you do get to that create phase, because it is extremely transformative. And that's a very woo-woo type of word. There's no other word that I could use to describe it. Yes, it's exciting. Yes, it's exhilarating. Yes, it's freeing, but it's transformative. A key action you could be taking from this phase of Create is if you could create any vision of yourself as a leader, what would he or she do differently starting Monday morning? Get specific. Those specifics are your roadmap. Those specifics can turn into actions that you are going to start taking, even if they're uncomfortable, in order for you to achieve that outcome of creating the new version of yourself. Then lastly, accelerate. What do you think this is? I have found, not only in myself but in those that I have coached, that once someone starts creating all the new, bigger, better, different for themselves, they want even more, and they want it faster. Now, again, caution, you don't want to rush something that isn't ready to be truly onboarded, so to speak, and truly embedded into who you are. However, at the same time, you'll be so excited about the changes you're making, about the recognition or acknowledgement of how you're changing, that you're going to want more and you're going to want it faster and bigger and better. At the same time, within the Accelerate phase, we want to ensure that you're sustaining the transformation that you've already made. Again, we talked about earlier about falling back into your old ways. For instance, there is nothing, nothing that could turn me back into that person that I was 15, 20 years ago. Even though for many they saw it as powerful, as influential, as confident. But like I said, what it looks like on the outside isn't necessarily the same as what's going on in the inside. And that inside was killing me. So in the Accelerate Phase, we're looking for sustainment as well as we're looking for kind of the turning of even bigger, better, newer, and different. Because as we know, especially in the business world, as we know, things change so rapidly, chaos breaks out so easily, and the organization changes that often go on in companies is so disruptive that it could cause individuals who have done a great deal of work on themselves to fall backwards. And to create maybe even newer destructive patterns versus sustaining the patterns that they developed along the way. We really want to put focus on sustaining the transformation, recognizing that everything that you've learned and everything that you have put into place is very iterative, just like this process is. These 5 steps, when new bitches, as I call them, pop up, you just work your way through discovering, confronting, and shedding them so you can then continue to sustain the creating and the accelerating of whatever you're creating in your world. There's actually 3 requirements in the Accelerate Phase. First is iteration. Again, you will backslide, and therefore the process is iterative. You can keep going through You might discover, confront something, something pops up that pops you back to discovering because that's more of a priority now than the other thing you were working on. Or, and then you keep moving forward, then you get into the create part of it. But that's cut short by something and you go back and you don't necessarily have to discover it, but you want to confront it. And so you work your way into confronting. It's iterative. So that's the first requirement of accelerating. The second part of it would be accountability. Accountability in any type of transformation process is absolutely critical, whether that's through a, a coach, a mentor, peers, family members, whatever the case might be. You want others to know that you're working to make changes. You don't have to be fully disclosing. You don't have to share what it is you're discovering, confronting, and shedding. But at the same time, I find very few people can work on a transformation of any kind— physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually— without some form of accountability. And so put that in place to really secure your focus and attention and the intention that you have for change, and it sticks. The third one would be investment. Investment in yourself, investment in your leadership development, your personal development, your mental development, your spiritual development. It takes time. It takes some resources, resources being, it might be books, it might be expert coaches, consultants, whomever, teachers, trainers, spiritual guides, whatever the case might be. But it takes investment. And so iteration, accountability, and investment is critical to accelerate the progress that you've already made. Those are the 5 steps: Discover, Confront, and Shed so you can Create and Accelerate. Again, I have walked every single one of these steps myself, and I have walked them with hundreds of executives who now lead in a way that actually works for them both personally and professionally and has great results for their teams and organizations. I'm often asked, how quickly can I get through this? Even if I were to hire someone like yourself, how quickly can I change and transform? Give yourself a little grace. It's taken so much time, so many years to become the person that you are currently, that the change is not going to happen overnight. Changing behaviors and patterns and beliefs is not going to happen overnight, but it will happen. And I won't say that it will be easy. It can be hard in many cases. A lot of people, it's why they don't get the support and the help and the transformation that they want and/or need, because they're not willing to even discover and confront what it is that's holding them back, let alone shed them. So be easy on yourself, give yourself grace. And like I said from the very beginning, or actually Ian Watts said at the very beginning, if I want to do something truly in my heart, nothing will stop me. If I don't, anything will stop me. Be the person from the heart who will do anything to achieve what it is that they want to be a powerhouse leader. Lastly, I do not want this to be a good episode. I want this to be the beginning of something real for you. So here is what I want you to do today, not next week, not next month, but today. 3 actions I want you to take. Name your dominant internal bitch, that fear, insecurity, negativity. What is it? Put a name to it because this is the beginning of your Discover work. Then I want you to identify the one behavior you need to shed. Don't create the list, just one behavior that is showing up in your leadership and costing you the trust, the impact, or the peace within yourself. Very simply, put a name to it. This is your Confront and Shed. And then lastly, write one sentence about the leader you are choosing to create. Not the leader your organization needs, not the leader your boss wants, the leader you are choosing to become. Write that sentence. That is your North Star. That is your focus. That's where you're going to put your intention and your energy into. That's going to be the why of you being able to walk through these 5 steps and really shift to riches in both your career and your life. If you heard something of your own story in mine, I invite you to go deeper right now beyond the 3 actions I just mentioned. The Leadership Gap Diagnostic at fallafirecoaching.com/optin will show you exactly where the gaps are today between the leader you are and the leader you want to be. It takes about 15 minutes to complete. It's free, and it may be one of the most honest and clarifying conversations you've had with yourself about your own leadership. So again, go to ballofirecoaching.com/optin. In summary, I got fired. I was labeled a tyrant. I had to rebuild myself as a leader from the ground up. And I'm telling you, that was the most important work I've ever done. Not because I had to, because I chose to. You don't have to wait for a crisis to make that choice. You do not have to hit a wall to decide that the leader you are today is not the leader you were meant to be. You can make that decision right now, today, in this moment. Discover who you truly are, confront what has been holding you back, and shed what no longer serves you so you can create the leader you were always meant to be and then accelerate because your team needs it, your organization wants it, and frankly, You deserve it. Before we go, subscribe to Shedding the Corporate Bitch. You can subscribe, follow, like, and even review anywhere you get your podcast— Apple, Spotify, even on our ballofirecoaching.com/podcast page. And you can follow us on YouTube at Shed the Corporate Bitch TV. I'll see you next week.

Bye. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Every journey taken together is another step towards unleashing the powerhouse within you. Don't miss any of our weekly episodes. Subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you love to listen. And for those who thrive on visual content, catch us on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel. Want to dive deeper with Bernadette on becoming a powerhouse leader? Visit balloffirecoaching.com to learn more about how she helps professionals, HR executives, and team leaders elevate overall team performance. You've been listening to Shedding the Corporate Bitch with Bernadette Boas. Until next time, keep shedding, keep growing, and keep leading.