Lessons from a Corporate Bitch - How to Achieve Success being YOU!

Well, hello everyone and welcome to Lessons from the Corporate Bitch Herself. And I welcome you to our Shift to Riches program, and we'll talk about how this program has evolved over the last several months, and at the same time, how you can take advantage of the previous webinars and recordings that are available to you, and as well as the ones that will be coming for forward from, from every Tuesday afternoon at 1 o'clock. And if you have any questions or you just want to chat it up, feel free to use the chat function on the, on your console, and I'd be more than happy to take your questions. I'll try to get to them as we talk, and if not, then I'll make sure I look at them and address any issues toward the end. So, I welcome everybody and I want to kind of jump in right away if I don't get any technical issues. Okay, and like I mentioned, we actually have been holding a series called Shift to Riches and it really is addressing how individuals, men and women, you, your friends,— can really work on discovering what it is that's holding you back and preventing you from really pursuing your life the way you want it to be, whether it's in corporate, in your own business, or at home. And then at the same time, how can you confront and shed what we call bitches, which we'll define in a minute, so that way you can really pursue very fearlessly, very boldly what it is that you want. Out of your career, out of your relationships, out of your life, out of your money, whatever the case might be. So, you can go to sheddingthebitch.com and you can find our other programs that we've already had around discovering, confronting, and shedding. This particular program, the Lessons program, actually has been repeated a couple of times based on demand and people's comments to me about really wanting to A) understand and ask me questions about my own experience, and then at the same time, what can they do? What are some tips and lessons learned and best practices that you'd be able to follow and to ensure that you're maximizing and optimizing your time, whether it is at work or at home, to be the best person, to be the most effective, the most successful, the most rich person in In all aspects of your life. So, it has been a series and what, like I mentioned, we've been addressing is really looking at what does it take to really be successful in life. Over the past few years, you'll hear my story in a little bit, but over the past few years I really have looked hard at what the definition of success is. And it used to be for me the greed, the power, the position. The kind of the jealousy that I would get from other people. And yet, what I've learned the definition of success to be is the fact that I am very secure, very confident, very empowered in my own skin, and then of which brings me great success, great wealth, great happiness, great joy in all areas of my life. And those of you in the business world, whether it's on your own or for working for somebody else, you know that people want to do business with people that they like, know, and trust. In order to do that, you need to like, know, and trust yourself, and that's what Shedding the Bitch is all about. It's really about empowering your mindset first in order to really optimize your skill sets and your talents. So that's what our Shift to Riches Formula is all about. It's, it's how do we ensure that we are confident, we are secure, we are taking care of ourselves personally, spiritually, emotionally. That way, when we go to the work or we go to our relationships or we go to manage our money or to lose weight or be part of a fitness program, we're doing it with the strongest mindset that will allow us to really leverage and optimize the skills and talents that we have. Because I can attest to you which what this program is about is kind of my lessons that can then help you, is that skills and talents is great. You know, being very skilled or talented in whatever field, whatever hobby, whatever passion you have is wonderful. But if you don't have a very secure, empowered, authentic, real, bold mindset— and bold doesn't mean that you have to— everybody has to be an extrovert and whatnot. It just needs to mean that you feel good Good enough in your own skin that you're, you're, you feel worthy enough to really go after what it is that you want. And you need that first before your skills and talents will really get you where you want. And the one thing I want to get across with this particular webinar today is the fact that there's many men and women, especially in a corporate environment, that think that their skills and talents is good enough. That, you know, and/or kind of riding on someone else's coattails is going to get them where they want. And I'm here to tell you that it will get you what you want for a short time, but eventually it'll catch up to you, as it did me. And at the same time, there's no bitterness there, there's no regret there. It's just reality. It's just reality. So I want to share kind of my story, my past bring it back to the future and, and kind of give you some reality check, some, some real good tips and advice and lessons learned that you would be able to, to, to take away and use for yourself. Okay, but as I said, I want to repeat that if you have any questions or comments, I am watching the board, and therefore please reach out and let me know as we go along. Okay, before we get started, and you— if you join me on one other program or every program, you will always hear me make this one request of you. And if you're watching this online, because I do videotape these recordings and I put them up on YouTube as well and on my website, but you aren't necessarily seeing the slides, but you don't need it, especially today, you really don't need it. But this one tip and this one little request of you, I really feel strongly about. And that is, if you learned something today, it doesn't even mean, you know, I don't even care if it's the fact that, you know, Bernadette Boas is a quack, you know, whatever it is you might take away from today's call, and I prefer it to be the tips and the lessons and whatnot, pass it on to someone else. Share it with other people in the workplace. Go home and share it with your, your significant other, your dog, your friends, you know, the people that you socialize with. If you happen to learn something, because I'm— I feel very strongly that I would not be where I am today in any facet of my life if it wasn't for all of the lessons and the time and the expertise that other people provided me. So that's my one thing. And if you want to kind of tell me and share with me how you were able to help someone as a result of this program, then I'd love to hear from you at BernadetteBoas@BallOfFireInc.com. And at the same time, while you're watching this or listening to it, live or recorded, you can also tweet and hashtag us at #ShiftToRiches. And I'd love to hear your comments, good or bad or indifferent, suggestions, ideas, so forth and so on. Okay, so first tip, whatever you learn today, pass it on to someone else. And trust me, your day is going to be— is going to get that much better as a result. And again, I do invite you to contribute dialogue, share, and provide feedback to me at any time. So the other thing I want to kind of stress is our website. We collect a lot of feedback on our website, whether or not it has to do with our blog posts or my book actually, or the programs that we, that we hold. As well as you can find me on Facebook and Twitter, whether it's under Bernadette Boas or Shedding the Bitch. You definitely can share your feedback and ideas there as well. Okay, so diving into today's, the lessons from a corporate bitch. What do I want you to take away and walk away with today? Well, I want you to know that you're not alone. If you're on this call, if you're listening to this, if you're watching it, I can guarantee you whether or not you're personally dealing with bitches in your life or you're afflicted by them, which we're going to talk about, this is a relevant topic for you and you're not alone. And therefore, you can reach out probably even to your very, very, very inner circle and find people that deal with it and/or are the provokers of it and either get support or try to understand. And I'm here to help you understand the mindset of that type of nasty person, that greedy person, that political person, whatever you want to call them, bitch. And therefore, and give you kind of an inside-the-mind look. And then provide you tips as to how you can either handle them, manage them, or even just overall how you can use your own empowerment to get what you want in life. We talked lessons learned and tips. That's what we definitely want to walk away with today. And then I definitely want to invite you to the other programs that we have, the other webinars we have, and then I have a somewhat exclusive invite-only type of coaching programs that I'll just highlight for you toward the end as well. Alright, so I kind of touched on this earlier. The first thing that I want you to kind of put in your head as you go through this program over the next 45 minutes or so is, are you the bitch or are you the afflicted? Now don't get offended by that word, please. I am not calling you a nasty person. I'm not calling you a bitch. What actually I learned about myself and then about this particular word is the fact that when I was writing the book, I was really having to dig deep as to what provoked me to be such a nasty, demanding, curt, demeaning type of person. And it really came down to the fact that I had a lot of insecurities and a lot of feelings of intimidation and unworthiness and some other things from my past that provoked me to kind of act out this way. So, what I learned is and what I use now in the business and in the coaching and the programs that I have, I'm trying to change that term to be something that someone afflicts onto someone else. You know, they call somebody else a bitch. Or, you know, so forth and so on, and try to get people to understand themselves and that person. Because we all have insecurities, feelings of unworthiness at some time in our life, whether or not it's right now. I, you know, um, maybe not, but at the same time, I'd ask, you know, I'd kind of question why you're on the, on the, the call. Um, I'm not looking to chase you away, but we all deal with it. We all have our— no one would have ever looked at me and thought anything of what I was dealing with inside. And I think every one of us can relate to that. So I want you to understand as to whether or not are you the one lashing out in whatever manner that might be because of your own insecurities. It could be even that you're not doing anything. It could be that you're paralyzed and stuck because of those things going on in your head and your heart. And therefore, what Shedding the Bitch is all about is trying to help you kind of get rid of all of that so you're able to pursue life fearlessly and boldly. Or are you the afflicted? As I started promoting my book and talking on the, you know, speaking circuit and whatnot, or just to people on the street, they would give me endless, endless stories about the fact that they have to deal with someone that is, you know, dealing with menopause or cancer or, you know, being bullied or coming out of the closet or dealing with some sort of, you know, tragedy in their life or a bad relationship or a divorce, of which, as a result of those situations, were causing them to be anything but their natural, happy, you know, childlike self. And therefore, they're afflicted by it. As a result of being surrounded or being part of it. And that could be in the workplace as well. So, I, you know, I do a lot of education around what I mean by, you know, the bitches and the afflicted, and therefore hope to change that definition to be not something that we all project out onto somebody else, but it's really about what we ourselves individually deal with. So, moving on from that, it just is a good level set for what we're talking about. So, a little bit about me to kind of understand where I came from and where the, kind of the reason why I had to write this book, but more importantly, what have I done, you know, to kind of really shed those angst and attitudes and negative mindsets, because then at some point, you're gonna be able to leverage that same type of, of information. Let me take a look at a comment from Bess. I love comments. Thank you, Bess. The roles are interchangeable. To the victim, you have to have a grip on the affliction process, ergo at some point a bitch, if only to yourself. It's true, Bess, you nailed it. It's absolutely true. You know, we are oftentimes, you know, we're our own worst victim, we're our own worst attacker of ourselves, let alone somebody else projecting that onto us. So, and that's what this is really about. That's why we're not, you know, I'm not looking to use this word as, yes, was I a bitch? Yes. But am I using that to kind of generate a lot of buzz around other people who are? No! I'm using it to also educate and motivate and inspire people to look at themselves and all the junk that they've got in their head and their heart that if only they would get rid of it, will they be happy. And therefore, it's their own bitches that are kind of suffocating them or drowning them. So yes, Bess, love it. Thank you so much for that. Appreciate it. Okay, so let me give you a little background on myself because I definitely need to watch the time. Because when it comes to how we let up, or how I— I have to own this, right? We all have to own our stuff. So it's not we, it's not us, it's I. So I need to kind of give you some level set background and then get into the junk, so to speak. I come from a really normal background, quite honestly. I am one of 12 children. Okay, so that's not normal, but I have 6 brothers right there on the right. You'll see them all at a fly fishing camp. That's why they all look like they, you know, just got out of, you know, the swamp. But I have 6 brothers and I have 5 very sassy sisters. And then a beautiful, beautiful mother, uh, that's our matriarch, and my father, who was my best friend and I revered him to death, and he passed away, uh, 5 years ago. And then we have 22 nieces and nephews. But quite honestly, even though the size of the family seems, you know, unfathomable, uh, it really was one of the closest-knit, non-dysfunctional families. Do we You know, of course we have issues. Of course we have kind of cliques and we have personalities and all that kind of good stuff. But when it really came to what influence— like, people will ask me, what influence did your family have on you being, you know, the person that you turned out to be? Not now, but in those corporate years, there's no way in hay I could ever, ever, you know, blame that on my family. We were raised up by, you know, a a father who was from the Depression and a mother who came from high society, and the blending of those two, uh, very faith-based, really kind of taught us, every one of us, a strong, strong business acumen of hard work, good work, quality work. Unfortunately, in my own discovery of writing my book, what I took away from it is My parents really also focused on us being good people, being athletic, being competitive, being a teammate, collaborating, blah blah blah. But we— our own minds can play nasty tricks on us, and all these good influences going in for me kind of got really convoluted. And I'll talk about that more as we go forward, but they got convoluted, but it wasn't as a result of what they projected, it was more of what I did in myself. So to Bess's point, you know, we could be our own worst enemies. We could be our own bitches because, you know, it's amazing what the mind, what tricks and what games the mind can play on us. As hard as we are to be, you know, confident and strong and empowered and fearless and great self-esteem and valued and all of that, It's a— if you think about it, if you just spend 5 minutes to go back and really think about what are those things that happened in your past that, you know, kind of brought you to where you are, good, bad, or indifferent. And in writing the book, I really dug deep. I didn't think I'd have to, but I had, you know, I had to figure out what provoked me to take on this persona that we'll talk about. And what were those influencers? Not people necessarily, but anything— people, places, situations, events, occurrences, whatever the case might be. But my background and my family, we were raised Irish Catholic, church every Sunday. My father, you know, had us predominantly in schools that had sports so we could learn competition and learn teaming. And whatnot. So we're all very athletic, we're all very fit, and we take care of ourselves in that, in that respect. Sure, as we get older, it's harder, and families come along and whatnot, but that was definitely our upbringing. And at the same time, we traveled, believe it or not. Try 14 people in a station wagon, but we traveled together, went camping, a lot of, you know, very— we were middle class, so we were very economically, you know, we traveled and tented and trailered, you know, up and down the East Coast. But to my parents, all it was was about family and togetherness, and they certainly provided that. Moving on, if my computer decides it wants to move on, I then, you know, one area of my life that I knew I had a shift or a change was in my early 30s. And my youngest sister Patricia, she's 5 years younger than I am, she, you know, handed me a Christmas card note and asked if I would be the godmother of her first child. And that's Mary Grace, the little redhead. This was a number of years ago. Mary Grace is now 16 and tall and beautiful and, and whatnot, but she is kind of the, the, the bud that allowed my heart to flower. And I don't have children on my own, but she definitely, as well as my other nieces and nephews, but she definitely has that spot in my heart. And then my, also my little love of my life is my dog, young, 5, but big, Charlie. And he also helped me to learn actually unconditional love, how to be soft and sweet. And I think he came in my life at a perfect time about 5 years ago as I was going through this transformation and this shedding that I went through, because he helped me to identify what true joy and happiness and love and unconditional support and, and, and just is a joy. So if you, you know, can fall in love with anything other than a man or a woman, you know, I definitely, definitely fell in love with him from the second I saw him. So professionally, who am I? And kind of that really justifies not only the book but all the experiences and the lessons learned and the tips that I could provide you today. I come from corporate. I'm 25 years in corporate. I bleed corporate. I bled retail for a long time, and then I moved into the technology industry. I did every— I was predominantly in management roles since I was in my early 20s, and then I just, you know, kind of progressed to a global vice president position in my last corporate job as well. When I left corporate, I then started my own first business, which is the Boas Group, which is a business consultancy practice. So I work with small businesses and even large, but small businesses, and I help them really kind of, whether it's with the leadership team in leadership development or it's coaching the CEO or it's totally revamping business processes and procedures. And that that 25 years in corporate gave me all that foundation to do just that. And it was that career, not the person, but, you know, just those experiences that allowed me to really start and feel confident enough to start my own business. And as a result of my, you know, experiences, especially as the book came out and people started really relating to my story, whether it's about business or not. I have become since then a lot, a lot of coaching, a lot of public speaking, a lot of programs like the one you're on today. I have a radio show Tuesdays at noon, if you're interested. And I really am building a business around this brand, which, you know, it really addresses helping people to shed the angst attitudes and negative mindsets from their life whether it has to do with business or corporate or relationships or divorce like we already talked about. We have actually 56 topical areas right now that we address, so that, that is building up. But before I was able to get there and before I was able to gain that confidence and that certainty and that empowerment to start my own businesses 3 years ago roughly, I, you know, I had to go through 25 years of a whole other different type of experience that really brought me to where I am today. So I want to kind of help give you some grounding as to whether or not you are the bitch or the afflicted, as to how and why some of those things occur and how someone could actually kind of work their way into that regardless of the situation or the tragedy or the person in the place that they are at the time. So we'll talk about, you know, is it natural or is it a mask, you know, of that type of attitude? Was it from peer pressure and influence? Was it, you know, temporary or is it permanent? And then the successes or failures, and then we'll get into some of the lessons learned and tips. But a lot of people ask me, you know, was it— were you always like that? I mean, you know, were you always just a kind of a kid with attitude or the troublemaker or the provoker? And I would have to say I was definitely a sassy, precocious young girl, as many of us are, but No one is born bitchy. No one is born a bitch, you know. No one is born with hate— not hatred— with anger or bitterness or feelings of unworthiness or feelings of intimidation or inferiority, whatever your little angst or attitude might be. We're not born with it. We only learn it through other influences and other stimuli around us. Whether it's people, places, occurrences, events, tragedies, whatever the case might be. So for me, it certainly wasn't me. If you, you know, open up my yearbooks and any, you know, type of, you know, birthday cards from the time I was born to the time I was in my late teens, you know, it was feedback and comments were, "I'm the sweetest girl, stay that way, never change." you're so funny and easy to be with and blah, blah, blah. You know, as many of us all hope and aspire to be, right? Whether you're 17 or whether you're 77. And yet somewhere along the line, that natural me decided to take on a mask of something else. And basically what that was Without excusing or deflecting responsibility or accountability. Understand that this entire process, I totally own, I totally take accountability for and responsibility for, and so should you. Whether or not it's you not getting what you want, take responsibility and accountability for it. Figure out why. And then just go and do something about it. And that's what I really have loved about this process. It's been a painful, slow, hard process to go through. No one wants to look at themselves and admit openly that they deal with some sort of negativity or bad belief systems or hardship or feelings of unworthiness. But you know what? Each and every one of us has to do it. We have to get in touch with who we are. We don't want to be wearing masks. We don't want to cover up and pretend. And/or some people don't even get to the point of pretending. For instance, in this natural or mask, it was a mask for me at first. I purposely saw the influences around me, whether it was when I went off to college to Boca Raton Tulum, Florida, and was surrounded by young people and older, but young people that had money and nice houses and nice cars. And I didn't drive till I was 22, and I wore hand-me-downs most of my life. And I also have worked since I was 10, put myself through high school, let alone college and everything else. And, you know, all of a sudden I'm seeing this, this wealth around me. And these kids that had everything, and I thought, well, I want everything. And then I went into corporate at a very young age, in my probably early 20s, 20, 21, and again, my definition of success was packaged up in these people that were quite demanding and curt and demeaning and, you know, full of ego and attitude. And yet, as much as I didn't like that, I liked what they had. I liked their meaning and their, you know, what reality was to me at the time of success. And therefore, I kind of chose that, well, you know what, it's working for everybody else around me, therefore maybe it'll work for me. And I kind I kind of consciously started just observing and watching and seeing kind of what was getting people ahead, what was getting people that next promotion, especially when it came to work, what was getting people, you know, being part of the in-crowd, so to speak, at home or at work. And I started emulating that, even though I knew better that that wasn't the type of people or person I wanted to be. And hang out with, but that was the choice that I made. So the one thing you need to think about is what is your definition of success, and then what do you— and how can you go about getting it by just staying naturally you and not wearing masks? And it doesn't matter if it's at work. We wear masks, you know, when it comes to You know, you'll hear a lot of, and I get a lot of stories from overweight or obese individuals who really appear on the outside that they're totally comfortable in their skin and they walk around and they're even kind of somewhat, not cocky, but even like overly confident about, "Oh, I'm fine in my own skin. I'm fine in my own skin." And then this young lady reveals to me that she goes home and cries every night. So she's wearing a mask to cover up what she internally, her bitches, you know, are wreaking havoc on her. So, and it can happen when you're dealing with anything. It's that cancer, cancer fighter who is covering up as if everything's okay and yet is dealing with her own inner devil and demon of, you know, of having to deal with this, with this cancer, with this life-threatening disease all by herself, and therefore lashing out in various ways with various masks so people don't see her vulnerability. And if you were part and are part of our program to really discover, confront, and shed these nasty little bitches, then you'll hear me talk a lot about really needing to be vulnerable, really needing to be open to feeling everything, feeling the pain, feeling the joy, feeling the shame, the embarrassment, whatever it is. It's critical that you're open to that in order to, in order to break through it. And then there's the, you know, people will ask me, well, were you pressured or influenced? And we somewhat touched on this. Unfortunately, a lot of us back down to peer pressure, and we look to other people to kind of help define us, especially if we're lost as young people and we don't have an identity. Yet, and we haven't found it. And yet I meet people ever since this whole thing started, I meet people whether they're in their 20s or their 50s or 60s who still aren't sure of who they are, still aren't sure of their passion, still aren't sure of their purpose in life. And I tell them, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, or instead of being confused or being kind of in a wad about that, then do something about it. Just take time for yourself to dig deep and figure out what it is that you want in life, and then what is it that's holding you back, and then what steps can you take to get rid of those, what I call bitches. That's all I can call them because that's what they are. And I'm hoping that using that word kind of gets people to kind of raise their eyebrows and at first, you know, maybe not like it, but yet it's really a great word to kind of put inwardly as opposed to outwardly. I'm not looking for people to run around calling each other that. I'm looking for people to use that as a way of kind of being honest and real and raw with themselves. So there is a peer pressure and there are influences out there. For me, it was a little bit of both. It was a little bit of wanting what, you know, the Joneses had, and yet it did appear to me— my reality was that that was what it took in order to be successful, especially in business, although I saw a lot of it in my personal life because, you know, when people have money, they tend to also, you know, use their power which is money, to kind of push people around and demand what they want, so forth and so on. And I had both. I had the influences of this wealth around me in college, and then I had the influences of the success, as I called it and defined it, around me in the business world. And the blending of those two, well, whoo! It created one heck of a mask. So look at those things as well, you know. Look at the people around you, you know. One thing that's definitely changed over the last 3 years is I don't have one friend, not one, from 3 years ago that I had during those years. Not one. Because when I changed, I looked around And I saw that I didn't want those things anymore. I didn't want the things that made me the nasty, you know, egotistical person that I was. I wanted something different, and I had to push and push and push myself through that process to shed all of that stuff. And even if it meant sitting on my couch alone, even if it meant sitting in my home office working myself, no longer with a corporate job, no longer with a team, no longer with the support and the infrastructure. So I just, you know, really kind of advise you and want to coach you to say it won't be easy and it won't be painless and it will be scary at times. But I'll tell you what, I knew I was on the right course and I knew I was you know, wanting to shed all that in order to really make the life for me that I wanted. And therefore, I was willing, as many lonely nights as I might have had and lonely days, to make that sacrifice and to give up those things. And I'll tell you what, you know, 3 years later, and you wouldn't recognize me, as many people would say. And that could be the same for you. And yes, it's scary, you know, people come to me all the time and say, "Well, Bernadette, I don't even want to start this process because I don't want things to change. I, you know, I'm comfortable with the way things are." Well, great. If that's true and you're comfortable, you know, being overweight or you're comfortable being demeaned at work or at home or you're comfortable being abused or afflicted in any way, shape, or form, fine. I am not here to, you know, force anyone or pressure anyone. I'm just hoping, and I am determined and passionate about giving you the tools and the education and the experiences of not only myself but other people to help you decide to get yourself uncomfortable and to get yourself hurting or feeling the pain and the emotion and the tears, because what is available to you on the other side of all of that is just so much greater. I can't even begin to express it. And as a result, I didn't know it at the time because that mask that was only supposed to be there temporarily stuck. I mean, it was put on, it was loose for a long time, many years it was loose, and then I, I just forgot it was there, and it, it just secured itself to my heart and my soul and my spirit and my mind, and it was there for a very long time. And you can see that all around you. You can see it in the woman or the man who stays in a relationship that she's miserable in, or he in. The, the person who stays with an abuser, the person who stays overweight because they just are too scared and are unsure in some instances as to how to push through that. It's the person who does stay in jobs because they're, you know, even though they're miserable, because they just hope and pray one day that it'll be different, something will change. And, you know, you know the old saying, hope is not a strategy. It's not. So everything you in life you have total power over to change. If you want to change, nothing that's ever happened to you in the past has to control you and has to be permanent. You have the full ability, full ability to, to remove whatever that is and to make yourself and everything around you whatever it is that you want to be. And I know a lot of people get on those inspirational motivational soapboxes and I listened to them for years and it never sunk in, it never stuck. I deleted them out of my head because I was just like, "Whatever, woo woo woo woo." But I'm just here to tell you and why I'm now, you know, for the past especially couple years so determined to help as many people as I can is because I feel it. I feel the great result and impact of going through this process and really pushing myself. And is it over? I get that a lot. Is it over? Is the process of me discovering, confronting, and shedding all these, you know, nasty things in my head and my heart over? No, no, something crops up all the time. You, you know, you overcome one thing and something else crops up. You overcome one thing, another thing crops up. But if you've ever heard the term self-actualization, It's when those people are successful keeping pushing through each and every one of those things that crops up and overcomes them and gets— kind of sheds them and gets rid of them. And then they can create and accelerate anything they want in life, and therefore that's the level of self-actualization. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing to strive for, and I'm certainly striving for it. I don't just focus on it each and every day because it's hard enough. It's like a diet. You never want to, you know, you never want to say, "Okay, for the next 6 months or a year, I'm going to diet." I don't even work with my coaching clients that way when, you know, about business or life. I never look at like 3 months, 6 months from now. I'm like, "Okay, what do you want to do this week or 30 days from now?" Because we just get overwhelmed so easily nowadays and therefore we need to make it real and doable and achievable because the minute you're able to, you know, kind of say, "Yay, I made my my accomplishment or my goal, you're just gonna wanna keep pushing forward. So, as much as I admire and respect those people that, you know, set those big arduous goals and those timeframes, you know, it's difficult for— and a lot of people fail as a result of it. And therefore, find something that you can bite off and chew and swallow and/or spit out because you're done with it and you can move on to the next thing, and therefore nothing is permanent. And then success or failure. One thing that people never really consider is— and I'm going to bring up Oprah, even though, you know, I know she's— with her leaving the airwaves and whatnot, she's been out in the media all over the place, but she's a perfect example. Think about all the other successful, wealthy, whatever you define success to be, whether it's Zuckerman at the head of a major billion-dollar corporation. Actually, I think I heard their IPO is going to be offered up at $100 billion in 2012. Or it's somebody who's heading up a small business or a nonprofit that you just admire and respect, and that's your definition of success. Look at them and at the same time look at them with real goggles, real glasses, whatever you want to call them. I can guarantee you, unless they're fully, fully, fully self-actualized, as they say, there is something in their life, present or past, that they've had their own insecurities, angst, attitude, negative mindset, belief system, or what we call bitches. At some point in time, if not currently. And it's like almost like when people say actors and actresses, the reason why they're so good is because they're so insecure. The comedians are so good, and yet, you know, you find them in an interview and they're so shy and bashful and insecure. It's because the stage gives them the opportunity to be someone that they're not, and the stage gives them that freedom and liberation to kind of, you know, cover up that stuff that they have about themselves. And yet so many people look up to them because of the wealth, the bank account, the materialistic things that they have. And yet, find the person who has the full thing. There is nothing wrong against money, trust me, and there's nothing wrong with aspiring to be wealthy. At the same time, really define the success that you you want. And hopefully it'll include joy and happiness and security and safety, as well as, you know, wealth and a family and love. All of those things. It's a well-balanced kind of plate of goodies. Because what you'll find is there is failure with success. Obviously we hear that all the time. You have to fail to be successful. And people will say to me, well, Bernadette, even though, you know, you were a bitch, you were successful. You had all those things. And I would just simply say, like I just did, depends upon how you define success. And for me, that was success for a long time, was having the nice house and the nice car and being able to, you know, travel around the world and go on vacations and buy whatever I wanted to buy without thinking twice about it. At the same time, Eventually, I learned for myself that I was actually miserable inside because I wasn't the person, I wasn't the real me. And the real me, like when I was 10 or 15, I wanted those things, I didn't need those things. I didn't have to have them because everybody else had them. And therefore, I am much happier finding and working toward that wealth but with all the happiness and joy and friends and family and relationships and me that can be put toward it. So not to be confused. And, but I can't blame individuals, and I never beat myself up about kind of hiding behind a mask and, you know, living unauthentically. You know, to myself because I really just didn't know where and what I wanted to be. So those people that ask, you know, what their passion, what their purpose in life is, you know, what should they really truly be doing, you know, we all might experience that at times, and it's simply because of the fact that we just sometimes don't get and don't understand what it is that we want, and therefore I would definitely propose to you, and we'll talk about it in a minute, to really spend time in figuring out what it is that you want. So, you know, I won't go through and spend a lot of time on this because I really want to get into the tips and advice to you, but I kind of describe the shedding process that I went through as the Wicked Witch of the West who, you know, melted. You know, I'm melting. Melting. That's what it was like. It was all these years of just all this bottled-up ego and greed and attitude kind of melting away, slipping away, shedding away, and revealing, you know, who I truly am and what I want in my life. And yet it took me really, you know, a lot of self-discovery and a lot of tears and embarrassment around the fact that The reason why I was lashing out the way I was and treating people the way I did and treating myself the way I did was for other reasons that I dealt with, you know, from childhood around being, feeling inferior, intimidated, or, you know, I hate, you know, I fear failure like no other person. I always want to, you know, be successful at everything that I do. And therefore beat myself up over any little thing that I might have failed or misstepped on. I don't even like that word, it makes me cringe. You'll tend to hear me call them missteps as opposed to failures. And then, you know, feel some feelings of unworthiness. But there was a lot of discovery I had to make and vulnerability I had to feel in order to come to that realization as I looked in the mirror and over time started to like myself when for years I didn't. And so I want to spend our last amount of time talking about, okay, so what were those lessons and what could you do from all of that that we just talked about? And I hope you understand providing you that background in order to get to the point of what can you do to not fall prey or not be a victim to yourself or from somebody else in regards to whether it's corporate or life, the bitches that tend to consume us as individuals. So the first would be, and this actually I added this in at the last minute, as I said, I do this, this particular program is asked of me more often than a lot of them, and I added this one in because it just kind of occurred on LinkedIn a couple weeks ago, where a young lady was asking the group of 30 or 40 women on this one discussion board about what she could do to impress her bosses so she can advance in her career, you know, faster than, faster than most. And so everybody had their different, you know, thoughts and advice on that, and I kind of jumped in and it wasn't said yet, and I kind of said, well, you don't need to impress anybody. Just do your job, do it really well, do it over and above, choose to take on new projects, ask for different assignments, mentor, coach, team collaborate, demonstrate through your own person who you are and what you're capable of. And that will certainly impress without having to purposely, consciously work on ways to kiss butt, so to speak. One other woman came behind me in this little dialogue and agreed and expounded on it. Well, this young lady, had to be mid-20s, came through, back through, and said, well, check that out, you know, two women who tell me that, you know, I don't need to kind of impress or kiss butt, and they're not even in corporate. And I immediately thought to myself, well, isn't that sad? Isn't that sad? I'm not sure anybody has to just be in corporate to understand what impressing or kissing butt means. You could do that in the schoolyard, you could do that on the playing field, you could do that in your own house at the table. You could do that in the workplace. And, and, but that said, I did go on to explain my background a little bit and just said, well, you could take a look at my profile before making those type of judgments. But more importantly, be open to hearing what other people, uh, think and what their kind of views are and experiences are and their lessons for you, because you're going to learn more if you're open and to receiving any and all feedback and then you making the decision as to how to handle it or what to use and not use and throw away, so forth and so on. But I learned definitely that impressing and kissing butt won't get you the success that you want. You know, using your mindset, using your confidence and your own being along with your skills and talents is what is going to get you that success. Success. And therefore, I also have found for myself and for all the people that I work with and/or come into contact with is that the most successful are the ones who are just purely themselves. And you hear the words which, you know, authentic and, you know, I think that's really the key word. And that's a great word. I tend to like real. Like, you know, someone who's really real with themselves, and that's all it means. That's all it, you know, that you need to do is just be you. And then the skills and talents, those that you have and those that you need to learn, will just be an enhancement, a complement to that, that you can then optimize your ability to achieve success through both the empowered mindset and through the skills and the talents that you have. And skills and talents, like we said, isn't enough. If you're missing some skills or talents, then go out and find a coach or a mentor. Go out and find someone that has the skills, that has the success, that has what you want, and ask them. It could be one person, it could be 3 people, 5 people, but ask them for mentoring and coaching. Ask them to be your guide and your, you know, advisor in your development personally or professionally. I've had mentors. I, I always think back to my first one, and it was Sister Clara in second grade. And for some reason, she just latched on to me. I latched on to her. I think she loved my really long ponytails that my mother used to braid, and she just took me under her wing and would help me and guide me to really understand the dynamics of the classroom and the other kids in it and who I was. And, you know, boys only— I'll never forget— boys only mess with, you know, girls that they really like. You know, they're only mean to girls that they really like. And, you know, she was my first mentor. And then I've had mentors all through my life in every area of my life. So that would be a huge lesson that I would teach you. I didn't need to learn it through this. But I would also say the lesson that I had through that is your mentors can be temporary. They're not lifelong mentors. They're mentors that are, are meant to help you in a particular capacity, skills, or talent, or, or some area of your life, and then they might change. And they should change as you grow, as you diverse, and as you transform. Your mentor should also, and be cognizant of when that change should happen. Because you might find that that relationship goes bad or sour or becomes less than what it was, and therefore it kind of leaves a bad taste in your mouth. That happened to me, and I had a mentor for many years, and unfortunately the relationship went sour as a result of us growing and going into different directions. I wish I just caught on to that a little bit sooner and had kind of parted ways while my, my level of respect and revere of that, that person, that individual was still high. And unfortunately, you know, through a number of other things that it kind of waned, and that was, that was disappointing to me and hurtful for me to feel that way. But another thing to do is be a leader yourself, even if you're not, even if you're an individual contributor. You can demonstrate for yourself and build the confidence and self-esteem and all the layers of your being by just taking the initiative and taking the lead in whatever it is that you're, that you're working with or dealing with. It doesn't mean you don't have to have a title, you don't have to have people working directly for you. I'll never forget this one This one peer that I worked with, he, you know, would have up on his board a team that he was constructing, and yet he was just going to be a dotted line, as they call it in corporate. He didn't have any direct reports. He was dotted line to all these people, and he basically said to me, "How am I supposed to lead all of these people when they're not straight line to me? They're dotted line. They don't need to listen to me." And I looked at him, I said, Ronald— I'll change his name— Ronald, you know, you can lead an army and them not be directly reporting to you. There's other people between you and them, and their direct line might be a general. And yet here you are, and you're leading this army simply because you've earned their trust and their respect, and they know you, and they know that you're going to, you know, do what's best for them and therefore you can lead without having, especially from a business perspective, a hierarchy underneath you. And then of course, this is one of the hardest for people, but seek feedback and what I mean by feedback is I mean raw, honest feedback. If, and those mentors and coaches will be a great source for this. But so should your managers or your friends or your family. If you are looking to achieve something, if you're looking to pursue something, if you're trying to overcome something, you really need to seek people who are going to be honest and true to you about whether or not it's working, whether or not you're on the right track, whether or not what you're, what you're doing is what is needed to be done to achieve or overcome or be successful. And you need to be open to hearing that you might not be fulfilling what it is that you need in order to meet your objective or your goal, and that there's things that you need to make adjustments to. You need to be open to the fact that you might get disappointing, bad, hard feedback. And if I could tell anybody one trait to adopt in their lifetime is that— going out and getting feedback as to how you're contributing to the the world, whatever degree of that world is, because that will definitely help you to build the confidence and, and self-esteem and knowledge and certainty of yourself than anything. So those are some kind of lessons and tips for you. And of course, what I'd like you to do is check out the other programs that we have in the webinar series. Go and find the archives, listen to them. You can even watch them if you go to my YouTube channel Shutting the Bitch. You can also watch them. This one will be up there tomorrow, and that's a great way of catching up on everything that we've talked about today. Because I am here to tell you that you can definitely work toward finding the riches in life, achieving your goals, and being the person that you want to be, and getting everything that you've wanted if you're willing to work on yourself and really dig deep. And then I also want to make you aware there's a number of free workbooks and assessments and articles out on the website, sheddingthebitch.com, as well as ezine or Self Growth has a number, a number of my articles. Like I said, YouTube, and where else? You can find things on Facebook and Twitter, but I am one to really want to provide a a lot of great insights and input to you. And therefore, please take advantage of it. Pull them down, whether, you know, there's a small fee for them or a lot of them are free. And I would love you to take advantage of that. And then lastly, some call to actions. What can you do as of today to kind of move forward in your shedding, so to speak? And that would be to kind of spend time to discover who you are and what you want. And what's working and what's not, and then work to confront them. And if it's by yourself or working with a friend or seeking out a coach or an advisor, but don't hide from it. Just work to confront it and then work to shed it and let it go so you can move on and move forward, because that's what life is all about. And I say this a lot, life is too short, it goes too fast. And you don't want to look back and wished anything or regretted anything. So, you know, take advantage of a few of those things. And at the same time, I invite you to look into the individual and group coaching programs that I offer up. Especially group programs are quite exclusive in that I only accept 10 people into those programs, and I keep it at that limit because I want to be able to provide one-on-one time with everybody. At the same time, they have 9 other people that they can lean on and reach out to to coach them through the process. So I do do individual coaching and then I use these groups to help kind of build that community. So go to sheddingthebitch.com/programs and you can find information in regards to all of that. And of course, you can find me, just Google and you'll find Bernadette Boas on Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn. LinkedIn and on the website, on the radio show, on YouTube, just about anywhere. And take a look into the book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. I would love your feedback and your comments on that. Lastly, some tips. We talked about seeking out a mentor. I always provide some bonus tips. Seek out a mentor. Define what you want on paper. Get it out of your head and put it onto paper. No one else has to see it, no one else has to be involved, but you just need to kind of dump your cup, as a friend of mine says, and kind of be honest and real with yourself as to what it is that you, you can accomplish. And define how you can achieve those goals despite any hang-ups or bitches that might be consuming you. What can you do to overcome them, and therefore what can you do to then push through them and achieve what it is that you want. Those would be my 3 tips: mentor, define on paper, and to really define for yourself what success is and how you can achieve that success. Alright, and on that, I want to thank you so much for joining our Shift to Riches program, the Lessons from a Corporate Bitch, and I welcome you back next Tuesday and every Tuesday at 1 PM for another program. Go to sheddingthebitch.com/programs and you can check out what we have coming up next. And I thank you so much for joining us, and we will talk and share soon. Thank you, everybody. Let me just make sure I'm done my webinar. Yeah. Hey, what's up? Hello? Oh, I'm talking to myself. Hey, what's up? Oh, the boo-boos are doing good. They're restless because they've been in a closed room for the last 2 hours with my radio show and my webinar. We just—