Lessons of a Bitch to help you achieve Riches!

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day. Hey everyone, welcome to Shedding the Bits Radio. This is indeed Bernadette Boas. It's a gorgeous day here in Atlanta. I hope it is wherever you might be. We're going to have a, what I think is hopefully an inspiring, educational, and kind of raw discussion about lessons from a bitch. And that bitch would be me. Now I've gotten questions from you over the years in regards to were you really that bad? Were you really that type of person? Can people really, really change? And I am here to tell you that it is absolutely possible. And as a matter of fact, it happens. It not only happened to me, but it happens to people. I mean, you hear stories all the time about even great tragedy, great pain, great illness, just a significant encounter in one's life can alter them from the inside out. So that's what we want to talk about today, but before we get there, I have a big announcement, and if you're following at all on Facebook and Twitter, you've heard it, but tomorrow we start and roll out a Goals to Riches Blueprint live series on Facebook. Now I have been asked for a long time. I've been coaching and consulting for 10 or 12 years now, and the number The number one thing that I'm always having to, not start with, but shortly thereafter being engaged, work with my clients on is goals. Is helping them really define meaningful, just detailed, specific, measurable type of goals. And then really work with them on not only taking action on them, but overcoming all the mind games. Bitches that consume them when it comes to them pursuing and taking action on their goals. So this series, which will be starting tomorrow, February 24th, and going through Tuesday, March 3rd, is going to give you everything you need to know about setting your goals, taking actions on your goals, overcoming those challenges of the mind, dealing with productivity, time management type of issues. And so much more. I'm also going to be providing an opportunity for a few of the attendees to send me their goals that we're going to actually work on during this program. And on Thursday, that session will be a live coaching session for those individuals, and then everyone else participating can learn and grow from. So if you want to be part of this live series that kicks off tomorrow, February 24th. And I should say before I do move on is that if you can't make the sessions live, then you can join in at any time between tomorrow and March 4th. You can watch the replays. You can do it, you know, at your schedule, on your timetable. And as long— you know, all we want you to do is to get the work done and to get your Ridge Plan defined and your Vision to Victory Plan defined. And have all the tools that you need in order to pursue and achieve your goals. All right, so going back to— if you want to participate, go to our Shift to Riches private Facebook group, ask to join, and you're going to see the events all posted there. But more importantly, you're going to see units. It's a tab on your left-hand side called Units, and that's where all the sessions will be hosted and stored. Go there live, um, on the schedule, which is our sessions are noon each day, noon Eastern time each day, and then at 8 PM we have bonus sessions at 8 PM Eastern time. So those unit sections of our Shifts to Riches private Facebook group is where you're going to get all the content, including the workbook, including what to expect, and a number of other things. So go to and join our Shift to Riches private Facebook group and participate. It's going to be a great program. All right, so moving on, we've had some great episodes that you can always go to sheddingthebitch.com or Apple Podcast and download and listen to. Last week we actually had Katherine Kerrigan in studio. She has been with us probably 4 or 5 times. She's a now 10-time bestseller. Her latest book is Reading the Soul, and it was perfect and perfect timing as we're moving into a new year, as we were moving into even this Fall to Riches program. So Reading the Soul, great conversation, great tips, great advice for you being able to really dig deep and figure out who you are and what you want and what your passions are. And of course, those would turn into goals. So check that out, like I said, on sheddingthebitch.com or Apple Podcasts. You can download it there. And of course, you can go to BlogTalkRadio, which is where you might be listening to it, to the program right now, and all the episodes are there. Now, the episode with Kathryn was also recorded, video recorded, so you can always go to our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel and you can see our lovely face, or go to our Facebook and Twitter pages and you'll see the video posted there as well. Alright, so let's see, we are talking lessons from a bitch, moi. Now I'll call myself a reformed bitch as opposed to that, and we're going to just talk about kind of the journey and then why do people you know, kind of wreak havoc on the world and themselves. We're going to give you tips and advice on how to confront them and deal with them and manage them and kind of put them in a box is where you want to put them and put them up on your shelf. And if it is in any way, shape, or form you who are lashing out, wreaking havoc, judging, ridiculing, hating, even in the simplest of ways, then you're going to also hear tips and advice and some— and maybe tough love as far as getting beyond that, because that is not serving you in the least. Okay, so we're going to be talking all about that. Now, if you want to post and comment and give your thoughts or even your questions, maybe you even have a judgment but I'll call it constructive feedback. Then you can also hashtag with us, hashtag transformation, hashtag bully boss, and hashtag shed the bitch. All right, we're going to take a quick break. When we get back, we're going to dive into this conversation around Lessons from the Bitch.

We'll be right back. Shedding the Bitch Radio is available for download anytime on Apple Podcasts, sheddingthebitch.com, and blogtalkradio.com. Be sure to subscribe to the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. I want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses, including mine. Email Deborah at deborahparker.va@gmail.com. Would you like to reach our audience as a sponsor or advertiser? Email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Now let's get back to the show.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking lessons from a bitch, a reformed bitch, but someone who's been there and done that. And really, I've built my whole career this past 10 to 12 years to help individuals, men and women, to really just shed all that junk that caused them to wreak havoc, not only onto the world, but within themselves. Because until we get rid of that junk, or at least until we learn how to acknowledge them, recognize them, confront them, shed them, kind of press— we don't want to necessarily stomp them down, but if you have to stomp them down initially in order to then be able to shed them once and for all, then that is the only way you're going to then be able to create and accelerate what you want in life. And I'm going to tie this back to even the program that we have going on this week around Girls to Riches. If you're questioning why you're not pursuing your goals, why, you know, you're a little bit hesitant. Like I had someone call me this past week and reach out via LinkedIn in order to engage my services, and I said, "Why?" And he said, "Well, because, you know, I'm a senior executive. At the same time, I have this desire to really leverage my experience and my expertise and my skills to speak and to, you know, to mentor and coach other people, you know, on a stage and in a broader sense than just the company that I work with in. And yet, as much as I know, uh, that I'd make a great speaker, make a great coach and mentor, um, I'm not pulling the trigger. And it has nothing to do with knowing what to do. It's more so, I don't know, I'm just not pulling the trigger. And so I said, well, let's So I spent some time kind of, you know, recognizing or acknowledging that. And quite honestly, the first question I asked him is, "What are you afraid of?" And what you want to kind of conclude what he said, "Well, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything." I'm like, "Well, you're certainly not joyful and confident about it, because if you were, doesn't it make sense that you'd be pulling the trigger?" And it's okay if we acknowledge that we're scared and we're afraid. All right, but I'm going to pull it back. So it's the junk, it's the crap, it's the bitches that goes on within our, you know, in between our two ears that really gets us all caught up. And it not only in the fact that we get stuck or we're unsure what to do, but it starts feeding, you know, on our soul. And that's when we start judging other people and being ridiculing other people, start hating on other people because we've got junk that is not allowing us to appreciate other people's successes and appreciate what it is that they're doing and trying to find a way that will get us moving. And so that's what this conversation around Lessons from a Bitch is all about is, you know, fool with ourselves. Let's look in that mirror. Whether we like what we see or not, because the first, the first step to success is going to be you acknowledging, you being self-aware, you kind of looking in the mirror and going, hey, hey, I'm not really crazy about you right now, but let's work on it. So, but let's paint a picture of what and why this has become such a passion for me. And I'm putting aside my own story. I'll pepper some things in regards to that,. But this should help everyone relate to it. Unless you've lived under a rock over the past 10 years, you probably have watched or at least previews of Devil Wears Prada. Raise your hand if you haven't. And if you didn't watch the movie itself, you might have seen the previews. You might understand what it's about. And it's about this young smart woman who is trying to make her way into the fashion industry. And she goes and applies to this fashion editorial company, and she is confronted with that ultimate corporate tyrant, that devil. And it's played by Meryl Streep, and the character's name is Miranda Priestly. Well, what I always found very interesting about that, because of my own story and my own bitchhood, is that that show only focuses really on Annie and her motivations and her goals and her struggle and then her triumph. Annie being the young woman. It really doesn't get under the skin, under the covers of Miranda. Why is she such a— and I was able to ask that question and answer it quite honestly because it was questions and acknowledgments I had to make for myself. So what we do know about Miranda, the little bit we know about her, is that she is struggling with a divorce. However, we know, you can kind of sense, that's not what's causing her to be such a bully, such a— so intimidating, so condescending, so arrogant. And so, you know, and for me, I want to shake her and go, "What's going on? What's going on?" And yet we don't see that. But I was able to easily walk away and kind of paint that picture. And actually, that's what I did with taking my book into a film script is it is about this, the spotlight on the bitch herself. All right, moving on from that. So let me tell you a little bit about myself, just a little bit about myself, if you are listening for the first time or watching for the first time, because I am video recording this, so you'll see it on YouTube. But you know, my journey into bitchhood should never have happened. And why I say that is because if I look at my childhood and even all the way through college, I had a pretty idyllic childhood. I had a— I have an absolutely beautiful and wonderful family. I have 11 brothers and sisters. I had, you know, parents who adored, adored, and respected and showered their children with all the love and support that any child would need. They were married for 52 years before my father first passed, and that's been about 15 years now. My mother's been passed for since 2013, which is amazing. But anyway, so, you know, you look at my childhood in its totality and you're like, You know, I was this precocious, you know, fun-loving, very ambitious, very creative young girl. So what would have taken me down that path? So then entering college, and I went down to Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton, Florida, and there's a term down there that they're quite proud of, honestly. At least they were when I was going to school and in my 20s. I was down there for about 12 years.— and they call themselves Boca Bitches. And they are the young, actually men and women, who if they don't have money, they pretend they have the money, and then they pretty much use that, the fact that they have money, to push around, intimidate, demand, you know, do whatever they need to to get their way. So a young girl like myself, young woman like myself, going down there in that environment, being from a very middle-class family of 12 that wore hand-me-downs all the time, I was impressed by the fact that I didn't care if someone actually had the money, but I was impressed that they used this sense of having money to kind of get what they wanted, and it was in a very demeaning, intimidating way. Curt, kind of just, you know, arrogant, arrogant way. And I thought to myself, "Ooh, that's interesting. That's an interesting approach. I might be really good at that," figuring that it was just going to be an act I would put on and it would never necessarily change who I was, that precocious young woman. Actually, my youngest brother and sister, when I went off to college, they were probably 11 and 12. They actually called me their 3F sister initially: Foxy, Flaky, and Far Out. And then it moved to 5F: Foxy, Flaky, Far Out, Far Away in Florida. So, so, you know, maybe that paints a picture of just the fact that there was no reason for this young, you know, whippersnapper to turn into a bitch. And yet I did. Now, and I should say, not only did I turn into one, but it that mask I thought I was creating, just a mask that I could take on and off, actually got embedded within me over the years. Now, it doesn't reach down into your soul. It doesn't, because your soul is your true self, and we won't get into all that. But it did get in deep enough to where, um, it kind of became who I was, whether anybody liked it or not, and trust me, not many people did. So when it came to my career, I certainly had a great one. I certainly had a blessed one. I was given tons of opportunities. I pursued tons of opportunities, and it was in technology and retail, and a lot of people would ask me over the years— because remember, this is like the '80s, '90s— especially in technology, I was the only woman in the room.. And in retail, I might not have been the only one, but there were a few of us. So people would say to me, well, are you being such a bitch because you feel you have to because, you know, you're working in a, you know, guys' world and all that? And I was like, no. I'm like, you know, I have 6 brothers. I have a father who kind of raised us in a corporate environment. It was the only way to manage.

12 kids.

So no, I wasn't feeling, you know, as if I had to do it because I was a woman. As a matter of fact, to this day, I am— I see— I don't see gender. I'm kind of genderless when it comes to sitting in a boardroom or being out, you know, in a business environment. I never blamed where I was or what I did or how much I made on the fact that I was a woman and I was getting cheated. Now, I might have been. That wasn't where I was focused, so I didn't question it. I, I, I demanded what I felt I believed and deserved. But no, I just never kind of went there. Where I went instead was just the fact that I really got off— this is where all my confessions come from— I really got off in making other people squirm. In demanding what I wanted, in demeaning or belittling other people to make them feel less of themselves, to, you know, to be loud and abrasive. And yet at the same time, there was a schizophrenic side of me where I was definitely, you know, according to friends and family, a lot of fun. And but I You know, over the years I recognized that that too was very artificial, too was then being a projection of how I was dealing with the person I had become and the person I was becoming, and I didn't like her very much. Can you relate to this at all in any way, shape, or form? Uh, you know, because the only reason people, people bully, the only reason people judge and ridicule and spew hate, and that can be online, it could be in person, it could be in writing, whatever the case might be. It's because they're dealing with some bitches within themselves. They are dealing with some sort of fear, some sort of negativity, insecurity, lack of self-worth, low self-esteem, you name it. No excuse. There's no other reason. Joy does not hate. Love does not hate. Happiness, confidence, they don't look to put people down. They don't look to repress people. They don't look to— it just doesn't, it doesn't. You can't be happy and hateful at the same time. It's just not possible. So, for me, I really had to take a hard look at why I was becoming that person. And when we get back, I'm going to take a brief break, when we get back I'm going to dive into how I went about, or what caused me, smacked me upside the head, and maybe you have dealt with or are looking for a similar type of situ— you know, smack to kind of change the course that you're on. All right, so we'll be right back.

Shedding the Bits Radio is available for download anytime on Apple Podcasts, sheddingthebits.com, and blogtalkradio.com. Be sure to subscribe to the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. I want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses, including mine. Email deborah@deborahparker.va @gmail.com. Would you like to reach our audience as a sponsor or advertiser? Email us at mediarelations@jettingthebitch.com. Now let's get back to the show.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking lessons from a bitch, and really the lesson here is just if you are dealing with any type of fear, insecurity, or gout, negativity, low self-worth, if you're stuck with what it is that you want or what it is you're supposed to be doing or how you're supposed to be doing it, questioning yourself in any way, shape, or form, any, any of the bitches that we talk about here on Shitty to the Bitch, um, then you just need to make a commitment to yourself to really dig deep and try to excavate, uncover, discover, as we say, what is provoking that, what is motivating that, what is causing that. Because as I mentioned before we went on break, we are happy, confident, joyful people. We don't hate on ourselves, let alone anyone else. All right, so I was mentioning that all of a sudden I got a smack upside the head that sent me into a direction of needing to kind of discover what the heck was going on with me. And it came with a firing by my mentor of many years back in 2008. And there I was, a senior executive of a Fortune $500 company and standing there in a parking lot with a pink slip in my hand on the Monday after Thanksgiving. So I kind of, you know, at first said to myself, okay, what the hell just happened? At the same time, there was a part of me that was really happy about it, and it could be what you're looking for. It could be, you know, you're looking for that smack upside the head, you're looking for that firing, you're looking for that situation where hopefully not tragic, hopefully not painful, hopefully not life-threatening, but you're looking for that something to where you'll get sent off into a different direction. And so that— now I didn't know right away why, but that sent me in a new direction, and it sent me to really learning about myself, kind of digging deep. And many of you know I'm a journaler, so I did a lot of writing over the next, you know, several months following that, and I really asked myself some hard questions. Now, I didn't know what kind of questions I should be asking, you know, not to the degree I know today, but at the same time, I at least was saying to myself, okay, what just happened? Why do I think it happened? Uh, what do I want now? What don't I want? And, you know, just continuing to add to that that set of questions until I was able to start uncovering and really discovering or excavating kind of what was my truth. And I mentioned on occasion, you know, truth sits on the surface. But even if it sits on the surface, you can totally turn a blind eye to it. You don't want to see it. You don't want to acknowledge it. You don't want to confess to it because that means you have to confront whatever the junk is and the emotions that come along with it. And that happened to me on a run with my dog, with Charlie, around a park just a couple of miles from here on a beautiful day. And I'm running, running, running, and I'm just kind of playing in my head, you know, just kind of scenarios of really trying to put the pieces together as far as who I was and what caused me to lose everything that I knew of, everything I understood about myself. My career was everything to me. My family was everything to me, but my career was everything to me. And the next thing you know, I found myself basically collapsing to the ground in tears, realizing that the core reason— true reason why I was let go was because I was such a nasty bitch, plain and simply. Corporate tyrant, bully boss, call it what you want to. I was a bitch. And there I was on the ground, Charlie looking over me, you know, making sure I'm okay, not letting anybody come near me. And I'm feeling shame and disgust and loathing and embarrassment and humiliation and hurt, and you know, I, you know, I just was— everything came flooding, confronting who I really was. But at the same time, even experiencing all that, and something— it didn't happen and/or go away in just that collapse, you know. I still continued to feel it until I got to a point, and this is where anyone would need to get to, I got to a point where I knew I no longer wanted that. I knew I no longer wanted to be that person. I knew I wanted something new and different. And therefore, what I had to do first, and what you would have to do first, is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for feeling insecure, feeling afraid, feeling unworthy, feeling negative. Being rude, being curt, being abrasive, being judgmental, or being, you know, one of ridicule or hate. You have to forgive yourself for being who you are at that very moment. Because right now you have the option to say, I'm sorry, and I won't, you know, that's not what I want any longer. And that will allow you to, to move forward. Because until you do, the impact to you and your life are just too great. You may not even recognize it. I didn't. I didn't recognize the fact, or I didn't, and I didn't want to see the fact that I was drinking quite a bit. Now, you know, I wouldn't put myself on the scale of an alcoholic, but I was definitely you know, using alcohol to kind of like myself better, to kind of push down that fear, insecurity that I was feeling, that intimidation that I was feeling, feeling that I didn't fit in or I wasn't good enough. I definitely, you know, ruined, sabotaged a number of relationships, whether that was friends or lovers. And when it came to love, forget it. I was not in a place for the longest time to where I could actually, you know, not only be myself, which is a whole different story and a whole different— for a whole different time, but I wasn't even able to be kind and be compassionate and be empathetic and be loving, you know, for a relationship. And so it was very much based on the physical and very short-lived. And it could even be just very nasty and very cruel and just very demeaning, not only to myself but to the other person. And so, you know, it just allowed me to have that intimate relationship, whether that be from a friend or a man, that I was looking for— didn't need, but wanted. And so, You know, that, that was just on the cake, so to speak. But I also dealt with a great deal of fear of missing out, FOMO. I mean, I used FOMO as a way to not pay attention to who I was, to not pay attention to the havoc I was wreaking, to not pay attention to the misery I was feeling within. The loneliness, the sadness. So, gosh, I ran myself ragged, especially in my 30s and my 40s. My 20s, you know, you expect that because you're, you know, in college, getting out of college, your first job, you're, you know, trying to find yourself in the world. But, you know, when all of a sudden, when you should be kind of growing up and moving into your 30s, 40s, I was still just running myself ragged trying to fill every moment of every day with every activity and every to be and be to be seen in order to not to have to confront myself, in order to not have to sit too long to really all of a sudden feel that crap, that junk. So You know, it's— if you are wondering and thinking whatever insecurity, doubt, fear, negativity that you're, that you're, you're dealing with is having a negative impact on you, trust me, it is. It is. It might not be anywhere near the degree of, of, you know, my situation, and my situation is easy compared to other people who have— who are, you know, alcoholic or who have turn to drugs or turn to pills or turn to very precarious relationships or, you know, or desperately alone or sabotaging their career and their ability to make money and therefore to the extreme, you know, homeless. We're not talking necessarily mental illness here, mental health here, although any degree of self-sabotage is mental illness, any degree of it. So how can you be healthy? How can you, you know, have a strong, grounded, confident, joyful, happy being? It's, it's possible. It's absolutely possible. Not necessarily easy. But before we get there, lastly, what I did want to say about not only the type of bitches that can live within us and the impact that it has on our lives, on ourselves, on our own being. It also is projected out into the world. So if you're wondering and feeling self-pity or feeling sorry— well, that's self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself— but if you don't have the job, the income, the house, the home environment, the the relationships. If you don't have what it is that you want, if you're unable to find those goals or take action on those goals or achieve those goals, and you're just feeling as if you're on the, on a, you know, a wheel, like a little mouse spinning on a wheel, then it's simply because the fact that you haven't discovered or even confronted what it is that is consuming you. And then, because once you do, you can automatically feel it slipping away. You can automatically sense that a shift has occurred and something new is happening and something different is happening. I'm not saying that all of a sudden you're going to be, you know, this, this cured, you know, complete evolved individual. That takes a lifetime, if not multiple lifetimes. But people do— very few, but people do. And our objective, as long as we have breath in our lungs, is to continue just to want to focus on our evolution, our journey, our transformation. We all want to be curious and excited and inquisitive and creative. We all— we want to be taking care of ourselves, you know, just like they say in a— in the airplane, you know, you have to put the oxygen on yourself first before helping other people. You can't be complete and whole and full for other people unless you do it for yourself. And all that junk that, you know, you're dealing with is that projection out into the world, whether it is through you know, hate or ridicule or judgment or self-loathing or, or, you know, even being absent in people's lives, even not being able to connect because you're so self-consumed with what it is that you're dealing with. So, you know, law of attraction, really simple concept, but yet you can switch it around and say what you put out in the world is coming back to you. If you're putting out joy and happiness and prosperity and abundance and confidence and energy and persistence and determination, that's only going to come back in the same. It's going to only bring back to you joy, happiness, prosperity, abundance, persistence, determination, energy. If you're putting out— and this is my biggest lesson that I was just devastated over— If you're putting out ugliness, abrasiveness, hurt-ness, judgment, ridicule, hate, you're going to get that back. It's just the universal way. And so, and so, at least for me, until I was able to shed all that crap, was I, you know, then able to feel and sense this major shift. I'm sure there was these small steps I didn't even recognize, you know, along that way, but all of a sudden it just looked like it was a big-ass shift. As a matter of fact, about, you know, a couple years in, maybe 2 and a half years in following my, my firing and my shedding, as I call it, I ran into a few people that I knew from my corporate career. And they actually asked if I had a facelift. They actually asked if I had work done because I looked so much younger and fresher and happier. And I raced home. I was at the same park that I collapsed in. That's ironic. I didn't think of that before. But I raced home and I was just finishing up and sending off to my publisher the manuscript for Shedding the Bitch. Shredding the Corporate Bitch. And, you know, called him and said, hey, just wait a minute, I'm going to, you know, slip in another chapter at the end. And it's called My Facelift. Because that was so revealing to me. It was so validating that, yes, we can change. It just takes us to commit to ourselves and want to change. Want something new. Want something different. Now, what can you do? In order to do that? Well, there's a lot of things. Let me see, I'm going through my notes here for a second. Commit to the fact that you want something new and different. Decide that you're going to do the work to kind of dig deep, excavate what it is that's going on within you. Asking yourself questions like, who am I? And that's going to bring up a lot of stuff. Who am I? What is it about myself that I like, about myself that I'm not really crazy about? Who do I want to be? Truly, who do I want to be? What do I want to be? And you can go on and ask a number of questions of what do I want, what do I don't want. Is that a word? Is that a sentence? I'm not sure. And I can, you know, I can post some really good discovery questions that you could be asking yourself. I wrote endlessly. So if you're not a writer today or a journaler, a diary keeper, whatever you want to call it, you know, the number one thing I had— I educate and coach and train on with my— whether it's my clients or my audiences or even my friends and peers, because it's very evident when I'm carrying around a journal all the time— is I tell them, journal. Get out of your head and onto a piece of paper whatever it is that you're dealing with, good, bad, or indifferent. You know, use a journal to work through questions. To ask yourself a question and really spend time answering it and putting it into black and white. Because that removes a lot of the emotion from what it is that you're all in your head about. Putting it on, you know, blue and white or black and white, you know, will really allow you to look at it and go, huh, you know, I really didn't realize I was feeling that or thinking that or dealing with that, whatever the case might be. But remember what I said at the very beginning, You have to get to a point where you're able to forgive yourself. Keep in mind, forgiveness is not for anybody else. It's for yourself. You might want to forgive someone. I wanted to forgive so many people for being the person that I was, and I didn't know how to go about doing that. That's why I wrote the book. I figured, well, I'll write a book, put it in writing that I was such a bitch, and simply apologize and explain, or at least try to explain. So you need to get to a point where you can forgive yourself, and that just releases so much from you and so much burden from you that that'll just start desire to want to keep going. I had to, you know, I had to confront, as I call it in our Shift to Riches world, I had to confront the good, bad, and the ugly, and I had to just look at it and say Okay, you know, and I had to feel it, and then I had to decide, okay, I'm going to shed this stuff, I'm going to keep this stuff, because I call, you know, shed the bitches, honor your riches. Um, you know, there was good about me, there's good about you, there's good about everyone. We're not born to hate, judge, ridicule. Forget about doing that to other people. We're not born to hate, judge, ridicule ourselves. To self-sabotage ourselves. We're not— our hearts are not meant for that. So it's a matter of, you know, it's a matter of just kind of deciding to discover and confront it and eventually shed it. Because once you do, I'm telling you, oh my God, it feels like you've lost 100 pounds or 10 years of your life. Like my facelift. Um, I also spent a lot of time visualizing it, putting it down on paper, uh, like putting it down on like a vision board, you know, kind of creating images and/or finding images like a magazine of the person that I was and the person that I wanted to be. Because trust me, and if you ever see Shedding the Bitch graphics, you'll see that there's this nasty woman and then there's this joyful woman, and their names are Pain and Joy. And the reason for that is visualizing you know, kind of the way I was feeling about myself and where I wanted to be. And then, of course, I spoke to other people. I hired a coach. I've had a coach, gosh, since 2009. Started off as like a business marketing coach and then turned very much into a personal life coach and someone that I adore and that has, you know, helped me tremendously. But a coach, you don't necessarily— it doesn't have to be a professional one that you pay. A friend, a peer, a colleague, whomever. Of course, you can get, you know, real— not that coaches aren't professional, but you can, you know, seek psychiatrists, psychologists, a doctor of some sort. The point being is just to have a support system around you. You know, find those people that you truly trust, you truly confide in, you truly love, you truly care for, and they in return and therefore that, you know, they can create a safe environment for you to do the work. But remember, you can do this work and never say a word to anybody else and then let them just witness your change, your transformation. Make sense? All right, I'm going to take a quick break. When we get back, we'll conclude with some other tips for you, lessons from a bitch. We'll be right back.

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Welcome back everyone. We are talking lessons from a bitch, okay, a reformed bitch, me. But more importantly, we're talking about, you know, is it possible to change, and if so, then how do we go about doing that? So I mentioned a number of things that you could be doing for yourself in regards to, you know, kind of uncovering, discovering who you are, what you want, what you don't want, what your, you know, universe could look like a month, 6 months, a year, 5 years down the line. And then what you need to do to kind of confront it and be okay with it. And I should mention that in the confront, you know, kind of space is I've had a number of people, including myself, when I realized what it was that I really wanted, I I kind of was even stuck and scared and unsure about pursuing that. Because with anything, all of this requires change, right? And where a lot of people, a lot of my clients, a lot of my friends, a lot of my family members and colleagues, and you, where they also get hung up on is questioning, well, if I change, what's that going to do to the people and the places around me? If I change, does that mean that my kind of my world, whether that's my home, my community, my circle of friends, the work that I do, is that be desirous for me? You know, am I all of a sudden, you know, going to see things falling away, slipping away, you know, are people going to turn their backs on me? For example, you know, it wasn't long after I left my corporate job and I had a large circle of acquaintances, I'll call them. And so, you know, I pulled together a bunch of people to discuss the fact that I was going to go out on my own and to seek, you know, kind of their support and their help in doing so. But I also made it a very engaging activity— party, actually, it was a party— because it was 2008, late 2008, so, you know, the whole world fell apart from an economy perspective. And so a lot of people lost their jobs. And so I used this as an opportunity for other people too to kind of let everybody know, what is it that you want, what are you looking for, how can we help? And it wasn't very long after that party when I disclosed and kind of confronted with them what it was that I was going to be doing and the path that I was going to be taking that I no longer had those friends. Now, you know, that could be for numerous reasons, of my own, of theirs. But I found that as I was changing and taking a different direction, there was just people and places and things in my life that no longer fit. So yes, going back to, you know, once you start confronting, you have to kind of face reality that yes, your world could change around you. But recognizing that it's okay, that it's in the best— for the best reasons of serving yourself. And what it is that you want. All right. But more— the most important tip, the most important thing that I did apart from doing the work to dig, dig, dig, dig, and, you know, since then it's been all about the clients that I work with and my family and friends to help them do the same. I ensured that I did reset my goals. Now I'm— I have always been a goal setter, so I've never been challenged with needing to set a business plan and a set of business goals and personal goals and everything that goes along with it. But now I really needed to get creative and think outside the box and really amp up what I wanted because I wanted so much more as a result of this shedding process that I'd been through. What you could do for yourself as well is once you start doing that work to discover and confront and shed, and then you start really honoring your talents and riches and skills, setting new goals, setting big goals, setting big actions that you're going to take, and big desirous results that you want, that will set— send you on a trajectory that you couldn't even have imagined. Should, and I haven't seen a case yet where it would create such energy and sense of determination for really going out and achieving what it is that you want. And it wasn't even part of— this conversation wasn't even part of leading into the program that I discussed coming up this week, but it fits beautifully because goals are a roadmap. Goals are a new yellow brick road for you to go and find your Oz and discover that Oz and to live that Oz. So, by chance, this is a perfect timing that if you wanted to jump in and join our Goals to Riches Blueprint live series that actually started Yesterday, it started Monday, February 24th. Yet all the, all the sessions— I was going to call them episodes— all the sessions, all the content, the homework, all of that is available for you to access it out on our private Facebook group, Shift to Riches. And you can start joining live as soon as you listen to this, between now and midnight Tuesday, March 4th— or March 3rd, I'm sorry, March 3rd— you can jump in and join us and become part of the community and see what everybody else is doing and get that workbook of your goals and your vision to victory and all the other things that we're going to be talking about. So you then can also discover and confront and shedding what you don't want so you can honor your riches and create an accelerate what it is that you do want. So join in, I'd love to have you. Again, go to our Shift to Riches private Facebook page, join in, and you'll see all the content out there. Actually, it's under a sidebar tab called units, and you can go day by day if you've missed any of them to participate and to do the work and to get the results that you're looking for. All right. And as a reminder, too, I should say, for those that definitely participate and also are there for the Wednesday live goal setting where we're actually going to walk through how to specifically define your goals, I'm going to get a few of those homeworks from participants, and I'm going to give them live coaching along with all of you to listen in and to learn from on Thursday on the noon live session. All right, go out to Shift to Riches private Facebook page. All the details there, the schedule is there, the workbook is there, and join in. It's going to be a great week. All right, next week is our Ask Bernadette episode, which is your questions, stories, and challenges. So if you have one regarding your business, career, or life, then go to our Facebook or Twitter, @ShedTheBitch page, post it there. If you want to connect with me, if we're already connected, you can message me whatever question, story, or challenge you have. You can also go to sheddingthebitch.com or even email me at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com. All right, so if you have a question, don't just sit with it. Make sure you get some support and some answer to it, and I'm here to to provide that. All right, so for everybody here in the Shedding the Bitch community, I look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. And hopefully, as soon as you're done here, you're, you're joining the Shift to Riches private Facebook group and joining us there as well. All right, everybody, have a great week.

Bye! Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.