Live from NYC ...Bernadette provides tips, advice and support on Shedding the Corporate Bitch

Deserve it. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910.

Well, hello, happy Tuesday everyone. It's Bernadette Boas and I am coming at you live from the Big Apple or New York City or Manhattan or however you might define this crazy crazy town, but I'm so excited to be here. Actually, I literally just jumped out of the cab about 20 minutes ago, raced into the hotel, begged them to let me in my room a couple of hours earlier. I guess in New York you can't check in till like 3 o'clock. And begged them knowing that I had this radio show, although I would have found alternative somehow. But, uh, and got up into my room, plugged in, and coordinated with Jennifer my assistant slash producer, just in time to join you on this call. And I'm so excited. New York City is bustling, and I'm thrilled that it's not raining. I'm about 5 blocks, I guess it is, from the Javits Center where the Book Expo America is being held all week. And I am here with my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch, which you've heard about. And I'm so excited to kind of put it out there and see the reception that I, that I get for it and see what it looks like showcased in their big new title showcase area. And I don't know what to expect here. If any of you do, if any of you been here, done that type of thing, or have gone to Book Expos, book shows, would love, love to hear from you and pick your brains and get some advice, whether it's here on the call or it's elsewhere after the radio show. And as a reminder, feel free to call in, chat with us at 1-818-572-2910. You can also chat in with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. And then of course, always feel free to communicate with me, whether that's Facebook or Twitter or on the website sheddingthebitch.com. But I'm just— I am— I'm very excited to be here, and yet at the same time I am feeling a little, just a tiny bit, mellow and solemn and just overall trying to kind of keep myself very focused on what the goal and the objective is this week. But I, you know, you get reality hit at you every once in a while, and this week my sister made me wake up and really face reality. And the reason being is We had received an email from her after spending a glorious vacation week down in the shore, and I told you about that last, last week. We came home and her husband, I guess, placed a call to her and, uh, and notified her that his brother, um, young, 61, you know, did have some health issues, but unfortunately Woke up one morning, put his feet on the ground, turned off the alarm clock, and passed away. And it really, really hit a chord. It didn't only hit a chord because Patricia went on— my sister went on to say in her email that she was reading my book at the time. And not to say that my book is gonna bring anybody to tears, yet if you're a family member and it does talk a great deal about the influence that my family's had on my life, and therefore it talked a great deal about each one of my brothers and sisters and my parents. Well, then you kind of, you know, it hits a chord. So unfortunately, um, as much as she was enjoying the book, it was also bringing up memories and bringing up feelings of what Chris, her husband, must be going through right now. And, uh, and that's tough, and that's really tough. So it made me Knowing that she was upset made me upset, and also it just made me realize, kind of, you know, I talk about it a lot, but it does all of a sudden kind of throw water in your face to make you realize that not only do we have just this one life, but how quickly it goes. And then a friend of mine, Roy, we were out about on Saturday, and he just said, you know, life, a life-altering event is just one phone call away, and in this case, one email away. And he's— he— that wasn't a quote from him. He actually told me it was from another book that he was reading or had read. And that kind of hit home too, because I know while I was growing up, or at least when my father started having some massive heart attacks in my high school years. I think I was a senior. And, uh, several times after that, anytime the phone rings— it was kind of a common, common, um, knowledge that if my family didn't need me or if it was an emergency, don't call me. Because anytime the phone would ring for years and years and years, um, you know, I would always think that it was something of an emergency or something happened to my father or somebody in the family. And therefore my family really never got in the habit of calling me because I just would always panic. And if and when they did, they would call and they immediately would say, "There's nothing wrong, there's no emergency, I'm just calling to say hi." And what was interesting about that, that I've all of a sudden been really kind of focused on this week, and I'm not sure why this is hitting me so hard. I knew my brother-in-law's brother a little bit, but not not significantly at all, but a loss of anyone is heartbreaking. But what it reminded me and kind of reflects on this radio show is there was a time when I was in high school, my senior year going into college, and I was going to be the one of the first ones to kind of race out of that house and run away as far away as I could to college. And being a middle child— I'm the 8th actually of 12— but being somewhat in that middle, middle group, I just wanted to kind of carve out my own life and my own world for myself. So I was like definitely, you know, going to be packing those bags the day after I graduated from high school and taking off. And yet here my father has a massive heart attack in my senior year of high school. And it was the first, like I said, of several. And all of a sudden I was putting my dreams on hold because I was not wanting to, to, um, to leave and, and have something happen to him. And as much as he begged and pleaded me not to do that, I did for a short time. And then he convinced me, and so did just life, just convinced me that I couldn't put my life on hold because of of someone else or waiting for something to happen that may never happen. And, and it basically, um, was about 30 years later— uh, no, it's not that long. Yeah, I guess it's close to that long. 25 years later that my father eventually passed away. But it was 25 years, so I could have really, you know, kind of put all of my dreams and all of my goals on hold anticipating something that, you know, took a very long time to happen. So I implore all of you, and I guess that's what hit me as well, um, with the news that my sister gave me this week, was life is so short and it goes so fast. I'm constantly now reminding myself as to what are those fears or what are those things that are preventing me from really, really living completely and wholly and fearlessly and boldly, because I certainly don't want to not wake up one day and have a lot of things unfinished or undone or inexperienced. So that kind of— I don't mean to bring it down or to my radio show or to your day. I just think it's a reality that sometimes we need to think about and we need to focus on, and, and a lot of times we don't. So, um, it's just important for us to— it's important for us to, you know, really kind of think about what is it that we want in life, what is it that is holding us back and preventing us from living that life, and therefore what do we need to be doing in order to really kind of live completely and live wholly, or at least live happy because, like I said, life goes way, way too fast. So it brought me to a posting that I had done on Facebook earlier. I want to say it was earlier last week, so it was before all this happened. And I had kind of pinged my network and my community, and I think I did it on my main profile, which I have close to 5,000, and then there's you know, maybe another 1,000 on my other profiles. Feel free to, feel free to follow me and communicate and converse with the community. But what I asked the community about was to give me 140 characters. I was, I was testing their tweeting capabilities, but give me 140 characters and tell me, or tell you as my community, because I wanted them to help and educate and inform you as to what do they do in order to break through their fears or their apprehensions or, um, the blocks that they have around pursuing their goals and their dreams. And, you know, that way I can post that, and I will plan on posting that to all of my social networks and my website, that because it might just help one of you to kind of realize What, you know, that you do have something that's preventing you. You do have a fear or an angst or an attitude, or what we call here at Shading the Bitch, bitches. You know, those are those internal rumblings and mindsets and belief systems we have within ourselves that are preventing us and holding us back from really realizing the riches in life that we all want to have. We all look at other people and admire and yet something stops us individually from pursuing them. So I thought I— I scribbled down a few things, but I thought I would share with you what some of the— some of my followers, friends, fans, whatever you call them from the various sites, what they contributed. Now I kind of greatly condensed these things, so please go out onto Facebook and you can find me as an author and Speaker as one of my profiles, and you'll be able to read them in, in their full detail. But so Shannon shares with us, and Shannon Short, and I, I love her website, it's, uh, or her business is Girls Get Real. I'm gonna have to like have a conversation with her and see if she can join my show, but she might have something to contribute and share with you. But so Shannon's comment was Don't sit in fear, weigh the odds. And so I read into that as being exactly what it really is saying. Any minute, any second, any day, any week that we're sitting in fear of whatever it might be, you know, it could be something really big. We were maybe hurt in a— hurt by a relationship or we were burned in business or at work, or maybe we, you know, God forbid, you know, you've dealt with some sort of tragedy or abuse or addiction in your life. And that is a huge block, that's a huge fear, that's a huge mindset that's preventing you from kind of trusting and really kind of letting go and opening yourself up so you can receive all the wonderful things life has to offer, but at the same time, it's also preventing you from opening up and pursuing what you really want in life. So what Shannon offers up is not to sit there in that fear, and what I would add to it is, you know, we talk about discovering what those fears and angst and attitudes, negative mindsets bitches are and recognizing them, really paying attention to them, and then working toward confronting them and shedding them so you can live fearlessly. And that's what she's saying. She's saying, weigh the odds of sitting there in that fear, being paralyzed, being tormented, being sad, being anxious, being angry, being bitter, whatever it is, whatever that emotion is Consider that versus consider the odds that if you were to discover what it is and confront it, how happy or how content or at peace or free might you be if you were to actually face that fear and move on from it and start being able to pursue what it is that you want? Hey gang out there, if any of you are on chat, I'm going to apologize, and I always do get an audience on the chat room, but I'm going to apologize. Something— we had a technical issue right before I got on the call, and it seems to have knocked out my chat capability. So if you are trying to chat in with me, why don't you dial in to 818-572-2910. And trust me, I'm not scary. Hold on a minute, I'm getting— I'm not scary, and it's not scary to ask a question or make a comment. But I look like I have someone. Hi, who can I help you?

Hi, this is Jennifer.

Hey Jennifer, how are you?

I'm doing great. Good.

Did you have a question or comment about the chat room?

Yeah, I did. Actually, I was listening to what you were talking about, and there's two things that really came to mind. I was thinking that, you know, sometimes when we're, I guess, surrounded with fears and maybe we hit a wall, sometimes it's really good to talk to a good listener, someone that really truly listens. Listens. And, you know, just from experience, this happened to me recently, and I realized that I didn't even know that I needed to talk. But once I really started talking to someone who was truly listening to me, just all the fears and all the concerns just came pouring out. And once I was able to let it go, then I was totally free from that. And I just So my suggestion or comment is really, you know, definitely go to someone who is a good listener and share with them. And then I think the other thing is you can't underemphasize the power of positive thinking. Having that attitude of gratefulness, appreciation, and thanksgiving really keeps your mind open and allows new ideas to flow, and you're able to, to look at things differently versus if you're trapped in a negative mindset.

Now that's a great point, and I'd like to come back and ask you a question. Have you ever been in a state where you've been so down in the dumps, you're just not quite sure how to get that positive mindset turned on? And therefore, do you have any tips for us as to what they— what anyone could do to kind of pull themselves up through turning on that switch of a positive mindset? Because that's a great comment that you made.

Yeah, I think that just again, from personal experience, when I've been in those situations, I had to stop. Instead of being concerned about something and using negative language, because if I use negative language, it just seemed to reemphasize the negativity. I really paid attention to the language I used and said, you know, I am thankful for this, I am grateful for this opportunity, I'm happy about this, and again, being very specific with my words and using positive words, and before I knew it, I was just rattling on and on and on about all the things that I liked and I was thankful for, that I appreciated, and it just all of a sudden I just ideas just started flowing through my mind, and it was just a really amazing experience. And then I think the other thing is, you know, when you have a situation that you're not even sure what is going on, again, going to someone who is a really good listener, someone that you trust, because oftentimes after you share what you're whatever's on your mind, they're able to hear and really give you good, sound advice. And they may hear things differently from what you're hearing, and you have to be open to listening to what they say. And I just thought that that was very helpful.

Now, that's a great, great point. Thank you so much, Jennifer. I appreciate it because it is those those little things that we can do, whether it's to Jennifer's point, we're trying to put ourselves into a positive mindset, you know, writing down our gratitudes. I mentioned a lot that simply putting a smile on your face, you can't be in a bad or negative mood when you have a smile on your face. And/or like Jennifer says, reaching out and just having a conversation or dialogue with someone. Not only maybe will that dialogue purge, or as you know, I've said before, dump your cup and that free your, your mindset, but it's also just the ability to hear it and get it out of you that might just all of a sudden, you know, kind of free, free you and, and lift you up when you don't— didn't think that, you know, that was possible. So no, that's a great, great point, Jennifer. Thank you so much. And I, and I think it's important, one point that she made about writing down the gratitudes I have to admit, I do my gratitudes, you know, through prayer, through affirmations in the morning and at night, and actually anytime during the day that I need to. But only recently have I sat down through a kind of an exercise that I'm working myself through to really write out my, my gratitudes. And I am a journal writer, and I always have been, so I carry a journal with me everywhere I go, but I never really thought to sit down and and get it out of my head and onto a piece of paper. And it was very profound to me because I really think that when I, when I think through it and I do my internal kind of head gratitudes, I cover all my bases, so to speak. And yet I found when I was writing it, the next thing you know, I was like pages into this and I wasn't still— I wasn't done with what I was grateful for. And you take a look at that, you actually look down at you know, that black and white or that blue-white, you know, paper, and you all of a sudden, it just becomes really clear that no matter how bad of a day you're having, or maybe you're sad or anxious or fearful or just totally depressed or angry, you just look at that list and it really does provide a sense of freedom and a sense of uplifting. To your spirit. So definitely a great input, Jennifer. Thank you so much.

Um, you're welcome.

Yeah, uh, to go on on this list of my Facebook contributors, um, Kay, um, had— and she's been a, she's been a guest on our show before, and she's been a listener as well, uh, and a constant follower of what's going on here, and she's always got some great insights and her insight, she actually contributes it to someone else, which I should have made note of who this is, but again, go to my Facebook page and you'll be able to see it. But Kay states that, you know, there is no new thinking that's required to overcome your fears. Now, that might sound kind of contrary to what Jennifer and I were just saying, that you can kind of think positive and have a positive mindset. But I think what Kay is emphasizing is that it's not rocket science, which we talk a lot about here on the, on the show. Nothing about, you know, living a full, rich life is rocket science. But for some reason, the controlling of your mind and your mindset and your thought processes is one of the most challenging, difficult things. And if we can learn how to just keep the positive thinking switch on all the time, and maybe it kind of goes up and down a little bit on that dial, but it never turns off or never switches over to negativity, then, you know, we're going to be— each one of you and myself are going to be so much ahead of really living a rich, full life. So what hers is, no new thinking is required, just get on with it now. So just like the old, you know, the Nike— I don't know if it's an old saying, I think it's still around— but "Just do it" is what I took away from Kay's comment about just get on with it. Don't waste any time, don't question it, don't, you know, don't question yourself. Push through that fear and go after, maybe with a plan if that helps you really kind of get the focus and ensure that you've, you know, considered all the, considered all the options, just like what Shannon said, weigh the odds. So if a plan helps you to do that, then, then, you know, go for it, because if it helps you move forward, that's what we're looking to do. And then Kathy, Kathy Bass, Ladies Who Brand, check her out as well. And Kathy offers up really just a one-word comment: why? Why are you— why is that fear there? Why are you not living fearlessly? Why are you allowing fear to hold you back? Why are you limiting yourself and restricting what is possible in your lifetime? And really think about that. And we've talked about here on the show as well as in the webinars that I do and the writing that I do and offer out to all of you is if you can really discover the why or the answer to the why, then you are that much ahead of being able to confront and shed and get over whatever it is that you're being challenged with or that's, you know, causing you causing fear, causing you to be holding back from whatever it might be in your life. It's simply understanding why. And then she adds, she goes to add, once you understand the why, kind of lay out what can you do in regards to addressing that why, or what you can't you do, because there may be things that you're limited buy, or that are, you know, restricting. Or maybe you don't have the skills or the talents or the resources that are needed. But understanding what you can do and what you can't do will then give you a plan as to what you can start pursuing and then what you need help on and what you need some assistance, or maybe you need to go and find those resources. So at least you have some clarity and focus to where you can now define a plan. So Kathy offers up the why, asking the why, and then understanding from that why what you can and can't do to address that why and no longer use it as an excuse for holding you back. And then Christina Lewis, uh, she offers up the idea of looking to the next horizon as opposed to kind of staying in the present. Nothing is— nothing's better and more exhilarating, more motivating than, you know, looking at a dream that might be a month, a year, 5 years, 20 years down the line. Maybe it's as simple as a vacation, or it's buying your first home, or it's getting married, or it's that promotion that you're gonna— you're aiming for. And look at— look at the next horizon of what it's going it's going to take for you to move that much closer to whatever that dream or goal is. And that will help you kind of push through whatever it is that's holding you back or preventing you from reaching that, that endgame, so to speak. And, uh, that's easy enough to do in regards to just closing your eyes and picturing what it is that you want out of this life, out of this day, out of the week, out of the month, whatever it might be. And then just taking the small steps to kind of pursue and reach that destination. So Christina, thank you for offering up a very simple but yet impactful tip around looking at the next horizon. Because I think if we could all spend more time looking out for the stars and reaching for them, you're going to automatically grab them if you're not allowing, uh, the small or the big things in life hold you back. And one last note I want to make on all of this, because another, I guess, history-making moment is about to hit us, other than the fact that the world didn't end the other day. And now the gentleman who predicted it is saying it's going to happen in October. Oh, I guess whatever it takes for people to be in the media, I don't know. But anyway, I was glad it didn't end. I have a lot more living to do. But, you know, Oprah leaves the airwaves this week, and already people are looking at the, the after, the post-Oprah effect. You know, what is it going to do to business? What is it going to do to advertising? What's it going to do to the TV world and everything that's tied to it? And plus, a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of businesses made a lot of money as a result of Oprah. So that all said, what I really want you to think about is what are you grateful for? And I thank Jennifer for bringing that up earlier. You know, think about what is it that you are grateful for. Following my— that email from my sister, you know, I really did sit down and take a hard look and listen and mind around what is it that I'm grateful for and what is it that I still want to pursue in this life and drafting up a plan to do that. And being in New York right now, woohoo, for the Book Expo America is one part of that dream and that goal and that plan that I have for myself. So I wish the same for you in finding and discovering and confronting whatever it is that is, um, is, uh, preventing you from being the person and the, and the life that you want. So I welcome you to join us here next week on Tuesday at noon live. Again, we have Chris Cavanaugh. Actually, you know, you definitely want to sit in on this. She wrote a book called Stuck to the— Stuck to CEO, meaning how do you shift from being stuck to CEO, very much in line with what we talk about here each and every week. So Chris will be joining us at noon next Tuesday, so I look forward to that with her. And again, sheddingthecorporatebitch.com, and we look forward for you joining us next Tuesday. Have a great day, everyone. Thank you so much.