Manning Up At Work? Hows That Working for You?

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of angst, attitude, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to your fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Happy, happy day everyone! This is indeed Bernadette Boas and you are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio. I am so excited that you're here today. It is an absolutely beautiful day here in Atlanta, Georgia, and I was reminded this morning on Facebook— thank you, Bernadette Johnson— I was reminded that this weekend we get to actually— I said fall back, but we actually get to spring forward. So, uh, that is very exciting, and I am so looking forward to it. I know many of you are still dealing with some nasty weather all over the country. So I hope you're at least staying warm, if not out of snow or heavy rain or sleet or whatever the situation is that you're dealing with. But it is a beautiful day here in Atlanta, and so I'm excited to have an opportunity to kind of talk with you, discuss with you, maybe debate with you today on our subject about manning up. And as women, what does that really mean and what is the kind of the environment today out there when it comes to women and their pursuit of their ambitions. At the same time, there's this whole new shift in dynamics about manning up, and it actually, it actually pertains to men. And yet at the same time, of course, women are being kind of pulled into the debate and having some blame for that whole dynamic. So we'll get to that, um, in a few minutes. However, uh, we are springing forward this weekend, so it's just a time that I, you know, put out on Facebook. I was just in the mood to do some shoutouts today. So I have, um, mentioned to you over the last, uh, I guess it would be couple of weeks, that I had some kind of cancer treatments. Not anything serious, uh, just kind of this thing on my lip And then I had a melanoma taken off my back, which created kind of 3 inches of stitches. And a friend of mine, Rose McConnell, has been helping me out over the last several weeks, coming over and just changing the bandages and making sure that it's clean. It's right in the middle of my back, like by the shoulder blades, so it's difficult to get to, and I'm not supposed to be using a great deal of arm movement on my right arm. So she's been a tremendous help. She actually— and I kind of bit my tongue or lip and everything throughout the process— but she actually also removed the stitches this morning. So that was kind of a little creepy on my, my end of it, but I was so greatly appreciative that she was able to do it. So I want to thank you, Rose, and thank you for all your help and support over the last couple weeks. It's It's meant a lot. And at the same time, if you're watching this on video when I post it, there's this cream. I don't know if you know about it, but if you've ever had kind of small cancer treatments for like, you know, small basal cells or other maybe spots on your body or on your face, there's now this cream. And I was warned that with the cream, unlike, you know, if they were to cut it out or if they were to use a laser, the cream could create like blisters and dryness and stinging and get uglier before it gets better. Let's just say it that way. And my first application was on Monday, and it's a 3-month process. And the first application was on Monday, and by last night— because it's today, Tuesday, right? Last night I already had a blister, uh, bubbling up under my upper lip, which is itchier than even my stitches were on my back. So thumbs up to new medications, I guess. At the same time, you have to love the disclaimers about, you know, all the things that— the precautions and the warnings of what the side effects could be. And in this case, I'll get even prettier and prettier as the weeks go on, I have a feeling. And so I'll continue, I'll continue videotaping because you know what, it is what it is. I'm glad that it's not anything more serious for all those that might be suffering or know someone who, you know, is in a much far, far, far worse situation than I am. So I'm very blessed and very grateful, and therefore shouting out to both Rose and the medication that's allowing me to not take a knife to my face. Because that wouldn't, that wouldn't be, be pretty either. So other shoutouts: Caribou Coffee. And as a matter of fact, I happen to go by to get some of their water. But the crew at Caribou Coffee here in Buckhead, you know, I talked to you guys a lot about my endless writing, whether it was the book or now the screenplay over the last few years. And so Caribou Coffee knows me very well. And actually, after the, what, 3 years of spending almost every weekend there and a lot of times during the week, I even just learned of their rewards program. So the Buckhead location, you need to kind of get a little bit on point with that. However, love you to death. Thank you very much for just always accommodating me. And plus, at the same time, I do, you know, eat there throughout the day and drink a lot of their water. But so Caribou Coffee, thank you very much. I appreciate it. And then Joan Curtis, I talked to you a lot about my business coach, total communications coach. Dot-com is her website. But she is venturing out on getting her own fictional book published later in the fall. We're thinking September timeframe. And therefore, with all the work that I've done on my book and my screenplay, has asked me for some assistance in that regard. And trust me, I mean, there's no, no other person in this world that I wouldn't want to lend my support and assistance to. And whatever it is that I've learned and felt pain and joy over the last few years in my own writing ventures. But I'm so excited for her book, Clock Strikes Midnight. I've already been reading it. It's really good. As a matter of fact, I'm not a big reader. She asked me, she says, "Are you a big reader?" I said, "You know, believe it or not, I'm not. I'd rather spend my time writing." So when I do have some downtime, I just pull out my journal and write. And yet, I, you know, obviously I wanted to assist her, so I'm reading her book and it's great. So if any of you are big mystery suspense people and you want to, you know, kind of make a note of something that's coming down the pipe, Clock Strikes Midnight by Joan Curtis, right here in Atlanta, Georgia. Actually, she's up in Athens. So you'll be hearing a lot more about that in the coming weeks and in the coming months. But a shout out to her. And then I'm just gonna check because I offered up to everybody and anybody on Facebook if they wanted to do some shout outs today to just kind of throw them out on my Facebook page and I'll be sure to do it. So I'll pay attention there just to give anybody an opportunity. You know, like I said, it's spring, it's time to kind of rejoice, kind of come out of our shells of winter and clothes and boots and socks and hats and scarves, all that kind of good stuff. I'm in a weird mood, sorry. But, uh, so if you have any shoutouts, I'll keep an eye out on our Facebook page. At the same time, feel free to call in 1-818-572-2910 if you're listening to this live. If you're listening in archive, you can always go to the Facebook pages, both my main page Bernadette Boas or Shedding the Bitch, and and do your own shoutouts there. Feel free to introduce yourself, tell us, you know, about yourself, and do any type of shoutouts you want to do as well. And at the same time, while you're there, I've been announcing that I rolled out a new fan page for the movie Confessions of a Corporate Bitch. So feel free, and I would love you to, to go out and like that page and then share it with your friends and family. And I'll be sharing my adventures and and my tales of my writing journey. At the same time, I'm hoping to engage other writers, other producers, film people, anybody who's interested in reading, watching the movies, and sharing your thoughts, ideas, what you like, don't like about the storyline, about the characters, asking your— for your contributions, and then giving you some prizes and rewards for doing so. So again, go to Facebook and like our Confessions of a Corporate Bitch Facebook page. You might find it with the URL of Corporate Tyrant Movie because Facebook wouldn't let me use the word bitch in it. However, all right, let's see. Other shoutouts would go to TSR Tax. It is tax time, and so TSR Tax, Debbie Snelling, check her out. Doesn't matter if you're right here in Atlanta or wherever you are. And even look her up on Facebook and LinkedIn. She provides great tax tips for both personal taxes and business taxes. Check her out as well. And also to Globapenna, Pena Global— I did that last week, I'm sorry, Rico, don't shoot me— but Pena Global, who does a lot of sales mastery training and boot camps and is just awesome at really overall leadership development and sales strategy. So check out pennaglobal.com as well. And again, if you want to be part of our shoutouts, do so on our Facebook page or give me a shout. Even go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. You can even chat in with me throughout the program. Alright, let's see what else. Other announcements Our Rich Tip Friday is right around the corner. Feel free. Last week was quiet, I will admit that. Last week was quiet. I think maybe 2 or 3 questions that I threw out there all throughout the day on Friday. So send them in all through the week on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, BernadetteBoas@ChatAndTheBitch.com, wherever. This is your free coaching time. If you have questions or you're dealing with some challenges, you're not sure how to you know, handle something, then take advantage of getting some free advice and do that on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and I will answer those questions. And I go into a lot of detail to answer those questions on Facebook. But when I can't get into a lot of detail, then we come right here to Shedding the Bitch Radio on the last Tuesday of every month, and we drill into those same questions but provide you a lot more detail.. And then we also videotape them so we can kind of provide other people that tip, advice, or training as well. So feel free to participate in that. Let's see what else is happening. Oh, if you're watching this online, you'll notice the great hairbottery job that I have done. And it's— I did it to myself, so no one's to blame for me for this other than myself. I came in on over the weekend sometime and my hair was just bothering the living daylights out of me. So I just kind of took some scissors and chop chop chop chop chopped a good part of my front bang area out. And now it's driving me crazy. So that's what I get for not going to a professional. They'll be cleaning it up, that's for sure. But if you wonder, if you see me in a picture or you see me through these videos, wonder why I look a little off, that is why. That is why. Don't take scissors to your own hair. There's professionals out there for it. Okay, so our subject for today is manning up at work. What does it mean? What is the implications? Why do women, even men, why do they do it? What is the value? Is there value? And what kind of new dynamic is cropping up as a result of that whole subject. As a matter of fact, a lot of you know I do a great deal of conversations here on Shedding the Bitch and elsewhere around women issues in the workplace predominantly, but at the same time it trickles over into the home, into their social life, into their community type of activities. And manning up, you know, basically if you read even my book Shedding the Corporate Bitch, you'd think I'd have a copy with me right here so I can show those of you on video. But you know, from my— from that book, Shredding the Corporate Bitch, I certainly emulated the concept of manning up. Now, it wasn't because I needed to man up and, you know, to succeed, blah blah blah. But— and that's one core reason for women specifically doing that. I basically did it because I saw it as a way to more so in a in a worse kind of narcissistic way, you know, get the better of other people. And when I was pursuing my goals and objectives, all that mattered was what I needed and what I wanted. And therefore, when it came to being curt and defensive and aggressive and demanding, you know, I certainly, certainly was the poster child for that. And yet at the same time, I was also the poster child for what didn't work and why that philosophy, persona, belief, whatever you want to call it, why that strategy— for some of you out there, why that strategy does not work now. But I mentioned a new dynamic. So this new dynamic is cropping up that supposedly it's women's fault We can't win. It's women's fault for now men becoming weaker, men becoming less ambitious, men becoming less focused, less, um, uh, less, I would say, forward. I don't want to say aggressive because that's often taken in a negative, negative, uh, connotation. However, that said There's now this whole philosophy and belief that because women are stepping up and wanting more for themselves, after what, centuries, centuries, centuries, centuries, centuries of not doing so, all of a sudden because we're doing that, men are becoming weaker. And therefore there's a lot of conversation about the fact that men need to man up. And there's a book called Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys. And it's by— now what's stunning to me when I read this title of this book, when I saw it online, I was maybe expecting that it was a man that wrote it. And I wish I had found that it was a man that wrote it, but it was a woman who wrote it. Kaye Hummeltz is the author of Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Boas. And now I will be transparent and upfront and tell you I did not read the book, all right? But I did read excerpts. I have kind of rummaged through online of various articles and various pieces of her book and the message that she's trying to convey. And I have to say that I just wish I everybody would basically take accountability for whatever state of being that they're in. You know, if men are becoming boys because women are pursuing their goals and their dreams, then men have to— men do have to man up. But more so, men have to just take accountability for the fact that, you know, if somebody— forget that it's a woman— what if another man stepped up, leaned in, you know, danced around, did whatever, to the same degree as the woman? How would men respond to that? Would they get weaker because all the men around them are getting stronger or getting more elevated? Why is it that because the woman has boobs— and yes, maybe it's because it is, because it's her, their girlfriend or their wife or but purely because— most, most the time it's purely because the gender, not the relationship they have with the woman. And I just am dumbfounded by that whole notion of why that has to be. I personally, I can flip it around, and I'll flip it around to me. I did not man up because of men. I would love to be able to use that excuse. I did not man up because of men. I manned up because of my own insecurities and my own lack of self-belief and confidence in myself that I was capable of competing against them or anybody else. I mean, remember, I'm one of 12 children. I have 6 brothers, I have 5 sisters. There, it was pretty much an even match, and it was pretty much, um stereotypical environment in that my brothers were, you know, accustomed to doing kind of the chores, and then the women were doing the housework. But at the same time, that don't— didn't always hold up because my sisters are pretty damn strong women. And therefore, there was an attempt to get the guys to do, you know, take part in all of it— clean the dishes, whether it was doing the laundry, whether it was doing the outside or inside work. And in most of the cases, we were successful in doing that. So when it comes to this whole notion about whether men are, you know, are keeping women down, or whether or not now that women are rising up, men are getting weaker, or, you know, just that there's still this inequality, disparity, whatever you want to call it. Between men and women. It just bugs the living daylights out of me because we as women individually, men as men as individuals, we're responsible for how it is that we're treated. We're responsible for how it is that we are perceived. We're responsible for whether or not our actions and our words are reflective of the type of person that we want to be. And to blame and put accountability and excuses on everyone else is pretty much being very irresponsible and very immature. Very immature. And so here, when I was reading this title about Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Have Turned Men into Boys, it just, it just infuriated me that it was a woman that wrote it. And yet I would have loved to her— to her— I would have loved her to have simply made the title more about men. You know, it's, it's about men's insecurity. It's about men's emotional state that they're allowing themselves to be, you know, changed from men to boys. Women have nothing to do with it, not directly. The fact that somebody is insecure about somebody else is not that other person's fault. It's the individual who's feeling insecure and doubting themselves. So I really wish that we'd stop using, you know, these, these terms from a, you know, for pure provocation, for pure drama. She probably used that, and I'm a marketer, I have to brand my book and my articles and whatnot. And yet there's a way to do it, and do it with a productive provocative title to attract readers, than there is to kind of do it in a way that there has to be a negative to be a positive. I'm not sure that that's necessarily always true. And I would have loved her to have just simply said, "Manning Up: How Men needed, you know, how men need to man up and/or, you know, how men needed to stop themselves from becoming boys due to whatever. I mean, that's a long title, but I think you get my point. So, um, so we'll talk a little bit more about that as well because I got all kind of caught up in that whole dialogue. I want to kind of pull us back in regards to just overall this whole concept of manning up. And you're listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas, and we're talking about the whole subject around manning up at work and whether or not that's working for the individuals that are doing it. And we're specifically talking women. Now, I have a lot of men that listen to this program. I have a lot of men that buy my book. I have a lot of men that hire me and read my blog posts and comment. And I also, it's, you know, it's quite enlightening that our weekly blasts that go out have a much higher open and click-through rate from men than they do to women. Now, I had a conversation with someone the other day about that, and that's, you know, there's a lot of reasons I think for that, and I'm gonna be asking them, by the way. But I also think that they're also very curious and wanting to learn what kind of goes on, what are issues that women are dealing with, and how do they deal with them. And then what do they need to do? How do they need to participate? How do they need to contribute? How do they need to change? How do they need to adjust? And women, believe it or not, they want to. All right, so we'll get into all that. We'll get into that in a minute. But you are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio, and I am very, very happy that you're here, and I'm hoping that you're enjoying your morning, noon, or night, wherever you might be around the globe. And this whole subject about manning up at work, and again, I was kind of caught off guard when I started researching this. Actually, I used to write a lot about it, and one of my most popular YouTube videos on YouTube, obviously, but our Shedding the Bitch YouTube page is around this subject, but it was probably done in late 2011 to early 2012. May— yes, that, that sounds right. So it's been a couple of years. And so when I went back to research this subject, because it came up in a few dialogues over the last couple weeks, and I thought, okay, well, obviously people want to talk about it. When I started researching it, I started finding this other dynamic where the men are concerned. But before we go back there, I want to touch on and ask you a few questions and maybe provoke some thoughts for yourself around this subject. And that is, what, what kind of characteristics or behaviors would you observe and describe as manning up by a woman? All right, so we're talking about the women in the workplace and, you know, the whole idea. And sometimes strategies that they take on thinking they need to man up in order to be successful. So what does that look like? Now, I've asked that question to several people that I've been engaging with over the last few weeks, like I mentioned, and even as late as yesterday morning in a conversation with— here's a shout out to Darcy— and we were talking about that. But then I started thinking about it even this morning about, alright, so what did I look like? You know, and I didn't even pull out my book to kind of see what— how I described myself. But what did I look like when I was kind of so-called manning up? And if you have any thoughts on this, you know, feel free to scribble it on our Facebook page or, you know, call in 1-818-572-2910. Or, you know, in some way get to me through LinkedIn, Facebook, whatever the case might be. I'm just taking a look here. Charlie, if you're listening, you probably hear Charlie scrumming around, or you might find him jump in my video page. How are you, honey? So what characteristics, what does it look like? And so I scribbled some notes. Somebody might describe a woman who's manning up as being overtly aggressive. Aggressive is not a bad word, yet I commented earlier that I wasn't going to use it because too many people see it really as something really nasty. And yet aggressive, maybe, you know, more assertive is more comfortable for you, but I don't mind the word aggressive for myself, or bold, or fearless. Those are strong, powerful words I have no problem with. It's just that how you go about doing it, it's how you act on that, that then kind of makes it either acceptable or not acceptable. So, but I was told aggressive, curt, demanding, selfish, um, uh, um, oh God, I can't think of the word, a perfectionist, though not a bad word, or bad thing. Again, how do you execute on that? How do you, you know, how do you translate or project that onto somebody else? I had many, many people who really hated my behavior, you know, through a lot of those corporate bitch years, but— and would describe me as perfectionist as part of that manning up or that bitch. Yet, they would also comment that they, I won't say loved working for me, but they gained great benefit by working for me because I really demanded a lot more from them. Because I was a perfectionist, I required a lot more from them, and therefore they grew and they learned and they developed far faster, far more than they may have under somebody else. But again, it's everything else, it's the context of everything around that that really creates the issue. And therefore, aggressive or perfectionist being described as part of manning up may not be a bad thing alone, but it's how it's executed that makes it kind of perceived as, in this case, manning up. Manipulative, bossy— just trying to look over my notes. And therefore, as opposed to, you know, therefore that is how someone is going to look at you and perceive you if you have those behaviors, and they're going to say that you're manning up. Now, if I was a man, if I was a man and I heard that, I would be very insulted. I would be very insulted because that's basically saying men are aggressive, bossy, curt, perfectionist, demanding, manipulative, abrasive, cruel. And, you know, and that's not, that's not the case, and that's not true. So the whole concept of manning up and then having that described, those characteristics used to describe it, are very misleading. Because this is what I think people say and think people mean when either they are contemplating the strategy of manning up and/or they're observing it and they're not real comfortable with it. They're not real comfortable with that person who is acting in that way, that woman in this case. And for women that are manning up, I want you to think about this too, because what you are really saying is, okay, so what are characteristics of men? If, if you were to, to Immediately say, "What are characteristics of men in the workplace?" This is probably what you're going to hear: they're unemotional, they're detached, they're, you know, much stronger and better, more effective negotiators, collaborators, they're more influential, they're not afraid to ask, they're not afraid to take risks, they even ask when they're not even ready. These are kind of some of the complaints. If you hear my voice changing, they are— now they can be, you know, described as belittling or political, CYA, covering your ass. They're social, they're good networkers. That's the whole boys club concept. Let's see, what else would they say? They could be described as bossy, they could be described as demanding or perfectionist. Yet when you look at those things, they're not the bitchy, bossy, curt, manipulative, cruel, abrasive, aggressive that people describe manning up to be. So I'm wondering first if people are just, you know, kind of misled and misusing the concept of manning up. Again, for provocation, for an exclamation point at the end of their book title, article, you know, concept, opinion, judgment, whatever the case might be. And what women need to think about is if there's characteristics of so-called men, and I mean that in the sense of if men possess skills and traits and qualities and capabilities in the workplace that you wish you could, or that you see are successful, or you see get them what they want, then look at it in that sense. So for instance, if men are unemotional or detached, and therefore what they're also saying is they can make harder decisions easier because they're they don't get so wrapped up about it. They don't take things personally, is what women will say when you dig into that discussion. Well then, learn to be the same way. Learn to have emotions. That's the one beautiful thing about women is that we do have emotions. We do know how to express our emotions, you know, whether that's through laughter— like, you know, I have a nervous laugh, right? That's a nervous laugh that you just heard— or through tears or it's through getting angry. Emotions are a beautiful thing. It's again the way you project it, the way you use those emotions to either be effective or ineffective in what it is that you're trying to do. Now, men could learn a lot from women in that respect. Men can learn to be more emotional, get more involved, become more engaged and, um, and more um, I don't know, personal, you know, in the work environment. Women, on the other hand, having all that emotion bottling up inside them, they just need to learn how to manage it. They need to learn how to use it to their advantage. So we have an advantage here, women, to use our emotions to become more empathetic, more compassionate, more sincere, more authentic. More involved, more engaged, more collaborative, more social. It's just a matter of how do you contain it to where you're not babbling at it, you don't— you're able to take criticism, you can take feedback without taking it emotionally, you can make hard decisions without, you know, feeling as if, you know, your life— you just ruined someone else's life or your life is coming to an end. You know, there's something to be learned of that, okay. When it comes to— they're good negotiators. Men are good negotiators, good 'cause they're good facilitators, good collaborators. Well, then learn it. You know, if you don't like the fact that they can walk into a room and they negotiate a salary raise or they negotiate a promotion even when they're not ready or whatever the case might be, then learn the skills to adopt that. But it's not manning up. It's not because they, you know, have something between their legs that they're, you know, that they're better at negotiating, facilitating, collaborating, influencing. You know, any of those things— socializing, politicking, networking. It's not, you know, has nothing to do with their gender. It has to do with because the fact that they have those skills, they have those traits, those qualities. And yet at the same time, just like there's some innate things that women are really good at, like the gut and the natural instinct and the nurturing, well, men are too, but have those same, you know, similar type of qualities and traits that are natural and innate, but it doesn't mean that they're not learned. They're not— it's not— doesn't mean that you can't learn how to gain those skills as well. Not being, you know, being afraid to ask, being afraid to, you know, take risks. You know, if you see men that are doing those things and yet you're afraid, well, it's not their issue. So if manning up means that you just want to be able to ask when you don't even think you're ready, fake it till you make it, which was my belief most of my career and continues to be, you know, why not? You know, you can learn along the way. If you have all the other skills and attributes and characteristics and experience and expertise that would support the 80/20 rule of that new position, new opportunity, new risk, then go for it and then fill in the 20% later. But don't blame men and/or don't feel like you have to take on the attributes of so-called manning up in order to have those skills and those traits. Ask when you're not ready. I mean, I, you know, I would always do that. I know a lot of women that take on new projects, new initiatives, new challenges and they're not ready to do so. I mean, how ready do you need to be? Where do you need to be at? Create a kind of a line in the sand for yourself. Just make it more on the, you know, 70/30, 60/40, and maybe 80/20 at the most. But don't, don't think it has to be at 100% or you're never going to get there. So this whole concept of manning up, I really think anybody and everybody just needs to really consider, what do you really mean? What is your What is your ultimate objective for even, you know, having that conversation, or, you know, with yourself or with other people? What is it about that concept that intrigues you, that interests you, or even turns you off? And then make sure you have a realistic understanding of what it really means. And that I, for instance, find that manning up simply means that Men have skills, talents, or traits that a large amount of women— I'm not going to throw all women in there— a large amount of women wish they had, and therefore they, you know, want to take on this concept of manning up. Now, when women become and feel they need to be aggressive, curt, bossy, demanding, manipulative, cruel. I wouldn't call that manning up. I would just call that becoming a bitch to get what they want. And don't get mad at me, I can say it because I was that. And all that is, is you feeling, or someone you know feeling, that they need to mask their insecurities, their doubts about themselves, maybe their lack of experience, maybe feeling like they're a fraud. I felt like that for a long time, especially when I I went from, you know, just being this kind of this retail merchant to being a well-paid consultant and I thought, "What am I gonna, you know, what do I know that I'm gonna be able to educate and consult billion-dollar companies on?" So, and yet as effective as I was and as capable as I was and as much need as there was and that I had answers and solutions to, I still felt in a way that I was a fraud. And the further advanced I became and the more money I was making and the opportunities that started opening up, I even continued to feel as if, well, wait a minute, someone's going to figure out that I'm not as smart as they think I am. But that is purely due to a confidence level or lack thereof. That has to just do with, you know, doubts, you know, your self-belief of yourself. And therefore, what I would advise all of you women, or any woman listening to this and thinking that she has to bitch up in order to be successful, what you really need to think about is how do you woman up? How do you just become the woman you want to be and gain the confidence, the security, the belief in yourself the value and the love of yourself in order to then use all of that along with your skills and talents and experience and expertise to, you know, achieve whatever it is that you want. But this whole concept of manning up is very misconstrued by those that are taking on very— and I don't even want to say— I You know, I think it's unfair to say manly traits, you know, because it's not like men come out of their womb wanting to be curt and abrasive and aggressive and all the things women use to describe, you know, kind of male characteristics in the workplace. Now, if you describe the men as, um, that they are just very strong leaders, they're strong influencers, negotiators, collaborators, social you know, blah blah blah. Well, that's nothing to kind of look down on. And those aren't manly qualities, traits, or attributes. They're just quality traits and attributes whether you're a man or a woman. So women, just take on those qualities, traits, and attributes that you want and you emulate and you respect and you admire in people, and then go figure out how to, you know, learn gain and master those things. But this whole concept of manning up or whatever, bitching up, it really comes down to your own insecurity, your own confidence or lack thereof, belief in yourself, value for yourself. And I can say it because I was right there with you, right there with you. But I will say too, you turn the tides and go about it in a different way, which we'll talk about next, And you'll find that womanning up is far more of an effective strategy than anything else. Alright, so you're listening to Shading the Bitch Radio. This is Bernadette Boas. I'm so thrilled that you're here. And again, if you have any shoutouts— I mean, it's spring, we're going to be springing forward this weekend, remember that, put it on your calendars. This Saturday night, March 9th, we will be springing forward. Woohoo! Now we lose an hour of sleep, but that's okay. Just go to bed an hour earlier, because when you wake up, it'll be nice and sunny and bright and maybe a little warmer for those of you who are suffering in the cold. But it'll be a nice long day, and the sun will be out for a good amount of time, and it'll be a beautiful, beautiful beautiful thing. And, and just think, spring is right around the corner, so that's all good. That is all good. All right, let's take a look here. Kim Boudreaux-Smith, I'll do a shout out to you, girl, commented on or liked our discussion on Facebook in regards to doing these shout outs. So thank you, Kim. She's been a guest here multiple times, and we'll have her back again sometime, oh, sometime this year. And that reminds me, I have been asked— not that you haven't loved just talking with me over the last, you know, several weeks on Shading the Bitch Radio— but I have been asked if I'm going to be having guests again. And so I'm so glad, Ken, that you kind of provoked this reminder. And the answer is absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. The reason for the lack of guests this past several weeks, probably since the beginning of the year, has merely been, been because of my lack of sanity. And what I mean by that is I have been so heads down, whether it's working, you know, on the business and, and working with my clients and/or the main kind of hook in this was with the amount of time I'm spending writing and working on the screenplay, I just really, I just haven't had the opportunity to hire or even to do it myself and administrate acquiring guests, managing them, getting them on to the show, blah blah blah blah blah. It's simply merely, as you know, out of not exhausted, but out of wanting to stay very focused and very distracted, or very undistracted and clear as to going about my day. And it doesn't seem like there'd be a lot involved in having a guest, looking for a guest, managing that guest. But quite honestly, since January, trying to finish up the screenplay for Confessions of a Corporate Bitch, 5 minutes of distraction that isn't about the book or about the screenplay is really kind of aggravating for me right now. I'll just put it to you that way. So, um, I will definitely be getting back on track and making sure that I'm bringing you the guests that you want to hear from, uh, for the rest of the year. So just give me to the end of March because I do have a deadline of finishing the screenplay by April 1st. So I will be sure to get the guests that you either asked for or that I think that you would love to hear from. I'll get them all lined up for the balance of the year. Okay, that's my commitment to you. So another shout out to Caribou, and thank you for the water. Excuse me, but I was getting a little, little thirsty there. All right, so The second part of this conversation regarding manning up in the workplace, um, and it really— I started touching on Kay Hymowitz's book, uh, Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Have Turned Men into Boys. And I mentioned at the beginning of the broadcast, um, and if you are coming into this late, you can go back and listen to it, but you know, I basically said that again Just like I'm kind of putting the accountability and the responsibility for what women want and what they achieve in their life, I'm putting it back on them individually. And then as a group, we can kind of work to rise up and address the women issues as a whole that are going on in the workplace and at home. But as I am just as blunt and very, you know, kind of very firm on that, and have that belief there. I also truly believe that if men are turning into boys, it's not because women are doing it to them. I'd love to think that we have all that control over men, and, you know, in some cases, you know, you could just look at a marriage relationship, you will automatically, you know, have the guy rolling his eyes at the fact that, you know, the women you know, kind of really rule the roost, so to speak. But I would also say that it's the men that allow them, or anyone, to control them, change them, uh, cause them to become a boy. You know, again, it's individual accountability and responsibility that we're talking about here, you know. And you can lean on and use, you know, the, the rest of the world as an excuse and just generalize it to say, oh no, well, no, no, no, no, I mean, it's women, you know, going back to work, it's women not being at home when the kids get home, it's women not there cooking for me, it's women wanting and demanding, you know, more, as to why men are becoming boys, why men are feeling castrated, why men are feeling, you know, diminished in their own, you know, capacity and capability. But guess what? It's not anybody's fault other than your own. Period. End of story. And women, we can't allow them to all of a sudden wanting to shift the blame onto us. And therefore, Kay Heinowitz, you know, I'm kind of disappointed. I know that your overall message from everything that I read is not necessarily saying that, but— and that's not your intention. Is to blame the women. You're just kind of pointing out that due to women being 60% of graduates doing, you know, you stating that because women are, you know, taking positions out in the world whereas they, you know, haven't, you know, in such degree over the centuries, you know, that is causing the diminishment of men. And I know you're not saying it as if you want to blame women. You're just pointing out that the dynamics in the environment, in the culture, in the economy is shifting. Yet, you know, I just have to go back to the fact that, you know, it's just as bad as women blaming men. Women can't be blamed for men. Can't be blamed for what they allow themselves or for their gender or for culture to do to them. We each individually have to take accountability for, you know, how we're perceived, how we're respected, how we're treated, how we're educated, how we're, you know, motivated, how we're compensated. We have to take responsibility for that. And then collectively as a group, just like men could be, they could collectively come together and figure out what it is that they need to do to ensure that they're not diminished down to a— back to a boy, but they're raised up as well. Everybody just has to kind of work together, you know, to kind of, you know, help that. But at the same time, individually, it starts with them. It starts with me. If I don't like what my life is, if I don't like how I'm being treated, you know, what opportunities are out there for me, I need to make a change. I need to force a change. I need to demand a change. I need to do something about it. I can't sit here in front of you with this microphone and flap my lips and think that, yes, I can whine and complain and bitch all I want about my situation only to you, and yet never do anything about it beyond. And therefore, men can't either. So, Kay, I will be reading your book, and I might even reach out to you to see about having a conversation right here on the radio show in regards to your book. I just would like to kind of suggest to everybody, put a lot of thought into what, what it is you're writing, or not even what you're writing, how you're positioning what it is that you're writing. And I definitely do understand that there's times that you want to be provocative, and there's times that you want to draw readers or draw viewers or draw customers or whatever the case might be. So you get creative. I do it every day myself. We just need to get a little bit more thoughtful about how we're doing it, to where we're not— we're not doing it for doing its sake. We're doing it for— we're— and we're not throwing anybody under the bus, or we're not diminishing anyone through the drama or the provocation we're trying to create. I mean, I understand marketing, I understand advertising, I understand what you need to do in order to draw people in. I just, you know, would just throw out there that there's ways of doing it without, you know, causing an even subliminal subconscious, you know, belief. Someone reading that would go, yeah, yeah, yeah, women are to blame, women, you know, are to blame for men. But then that's not what Kay means. But I personally, if I wasn't in this business and I was just reading that, I personally would never buy that book because I'd be pissed at her right off the, off the bat just because of her title. And I know that's not the objective that she had for it. So I'll be able to speak to that far, far, far more and more effectively once I read it, and I will do so. So women, men, whether— if you're looking to get— be more influential, more effective, more successful in whatever you do at work or at home, as opposed to taking on other people's traits, other people's personalities, other people's behaviors, simply learn what it is that you need to learn or acquire and simply learn it to be the most effective and successful leader in your work or in your life. And that doesn't mean that you have to, you know, want big titles and big offices and whatnot. It just simply means take control and responsibility for what it is that you want in your business and your life. And hopefully it'll have a huge element of being the best person you can be in doing that. And then just go and obtain the training, the experience, the mentoring, the coaching, whatever it might be in order for you to be that best person. But not, you know, there's no need to man up, and if you need to, then please learn what that really truly means. And there's no reason to bitch up, just be who you are, whether that's women up or man up. And I can guarantee you'll be a great a lot more successful and a lot more happier as a result. Alright, alrighty. So let me just kind of look over everything, make sure I'm not gonna stand anybody up and I'm not gonna miss anybody's shoutouts or chats. Okay, so next week, next week, next week We'll be right back here at noon Eastern time to chat it up. And again, I'm gonna keep this one close to my chest at the moment as to what we're gonna talk about next week. And I promise you, by Thursday or Friday I'll have it posted because there's something bubbling up that I definitely think you'll be very interested in, but I wanna vet it out and make sure. So you'll notice on our Shedding the Bits radio page that the subjects will be about staking your claim to success. And it's a generic title. And I talk to you a lot about the fact that I, I, as much as I like to pre-plan, especially if I'm gonna have guests, what the topics are gonna be, I also, especially when it's just me, I like to play it close to the vest because I like to kind of pick up on the recent dialogues and debates that are going on out there and then get it out to you. So that'll be what we do for next week as well, and just keep coming back to Shedding the Bitch on Facebook or sheddingthebitch.com, and you'll see the announcements regarding our radio show programs, okay? Especially also BlogTalkRadio forward slash Shedding the Bitch. Subscribe, follow, and you'll also get the announcements as to what it is we'll be talking about. All right, so for everybody at Shedding the Bitch Radio, I want to thank you very much for being here, and I'll see you right back here Tuesday next week at noon Eastern time. Thanks everybody. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.