Murder Mediocrity and Create a Powerful Euphoric Career with SHILPHA KULSHRESTHA

Have you ever felt like you're working your butt off but no one's recognizing it and you feel invisible even in small groups? Have you struggled to gain a foot in the door while others are just knocking it down? Has it caused you to find yourself on a durable wheel spinning in circles of doing the same thing over and over again and not optimizing your full potential? Well, our guest Shilpa Kaushresh, or better known as the Game Changing Career Coach, knows all about it and shares with us how important it is for you to believe in yourself and get out of the mundane, how to prioritize key relationships and change things so you are seen, heard, and recognized for your contribution, value, and worth. But it requires you to murder mediocrity. So stay with us. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shading the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm, along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Let's do this! Shilpa, how are you? Welcome, welcome.

I'm very well, thank you so much, Bernadette, for the invite.

You're very welcome. I love this idea of murdering mediocrity, so we're going to get into all of that because I think it's a critical, a critical, uh, subject that our viewers and listeners will want to learn about. But before we do that, I'd love to get our community and myself to learn more about you, the woman, as opposed to just the business, because we'll talk about that. But for instance, I think you're far, far, far away from me in, in the States. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Absolutely. I'm oceans apart from you. I am based out of Sydney. Australia, and I've been here for the last 15 years. Originally I come from India, very colorful India, and I'm so proud of that.

Nice, very nice. And what made you move to Australia?

Uh, what made me move was the footsteps of my husband, as it happens with most women. Like, you know, you, you, uh, give up your already established career because your husband gets an opportunity, and he got a wonderful opportunity to start a company's business, Cognizant's business in Australia. And it was phenomenal. And then we thought, it's great. Australia is luring us. Let's go. And I think it was the best decision that we could have ever made.

Oh, that's fabulous. But I do have to say, not all women have to get up and move and follow their husband, because if they have a better job and a better opportunity for the family, then there needs to be some compromise, right?

Absolutely not at all. And this is where the personal and professional conflict comes for us women. Uh, the reason I moved was right in the beginning of our marriage, me and my husband had created this, you know, a grounding rule that will always be together. Either he will leave whatever he is doing to be with me, or I will leave, but we'll never stay apart. And it came out of it. There's no regret. Yes, there were challenges. I wouldn't deny that. I would be lying if I say— but yes, yeah, it was worth it.

What a, what a great rule or foundation of your relationship to have. That's fabulous, fabulous. Uh, being single myself, uh, yes, but, uh, yes, that's wonderful. Now, um, Let's work our way into the whole idea of mediocrity. How do you view it, and what are you seeing as the challenges with professionals when it comes to them being, or maybe performing, in a very mediocre way?

Right. So what I mean by mediocrity, Bernadette, is we are working below our potential. We become part of the average game. And it is not that we are average, we are mediocre, like it has nothing to do with a person. But all of us, we start with this fire in the belly, with these dreams. We join the corporate world and we, and we have dreams to go to the top. We hear about this glass ceiling, we want to break it. And as we go through the journey of life, because a lot of things come in, and you're single, so my life isn't as simple as you. It gets complicated, especially when marriage comes into picture, when you have kids, when you have multiple priorities, when you are moving cities, countries. And in this process, somewhere it is possible that you become prey to the average game, you become prey to mediocrity. Uh, and, uh, that just means that you pick up a rhythm where you are not at your best. You know, it is a rhythm where you are probably just somehow sustaining. You are, you're delivering whatever is expected out of you, but you have forgotten to go above and beyond. And it does show you in terms of the results that you're getting, the reward, the recognition, the money that you are making, the designation. You know it, but you keep brushing the feeling under the carpet because somehow things are going on, and that going on attachment to that keeps you in that mediocre zone, right?

Well, I've been there, but, um, I've been there feeling as if I'm just on this durable wheel of doing the same things over and over and over again. And I know there's stuff out there outside that durable wheel, and yet I just felt more comfortable with this mundane— what you're saying is not mediocre or is mediocre type of of pace to my life. And this is going back like 13, 14 years, uh, and it was quite detrimental in all aspects of my life, not even just professionally but personally. So let's break mediocrity down though. So you're not saying individuals, uh, are lazy or they're not trying or they're not working hard, or you're—

you—

what, what would— what it would it look like in someone?

What it would look like is, is being caught up in a hamster wheel. You know, that's what it is. Like, it's going on and on. Every day you get up, you get ready, and you go to the— to your workplace. You, you're working hard, you're sincere, you're dedicated, you do whatever is given to you. But somewhere, you know, you don't do more, the more which will take us to the next, you know, level. And sometimes you jump a little bit, you get the next level, but that mediocre tone is going on. And, and you— they— I mean, I really want to make sure that it is, it is not a dent in your sincerity at all. It's not just that you've become comfortable with a certain pace, and it is not your best pace. You can do so much more than that. So if I go back to my life, You know, because of circumstances, like I did really well in my, you know, in my education. I've got lots of degrees. And that's where I thought, yes, I'm set for the world. Enter the corporate workplace. And I did really well to start with, got noticed, came to be known as somebody who had a Midas touch, got back-to-back outstanding ratings, twice was picked up on the spot for interviews to start the very next day. It doesn't happen. You know, processes, there are systems. Twice was picked up, um, but then finally I was handpicked to be at a place where I had to rub shoulders with people who are 4 levels above me, you know, CXO minus 1 stakeholders. And that was Bernadette Boas, where my downfall started, you know, difficult. So, so that's why I'm saying it's nothing to do with an individual, it is sometimes about the situation, circumstances. I got caught in a difficult place where there was politics. I had not seen that level of politics ever before. I had not seen people fighting. I'd never seen that before at that level. I was in a pretty safe place before that. And I had managers who love taking, who love to shine. And somewhere in all this, I got lost. I just didn't know how to deal with it. I kept saying politics is not my cup of tea. I didn't realize it was not about politics. It was my own capability to navigate my workplace. It was my responsibility. And I just gave in to the circumstance. And for 5 years, I was deeply wrapped up in this mediocrity wave. I was going on and on, but not going anywhere.

How did you— how did you find— because I'm sure there's many of our listeners and viewers who can find a situation in their background where that occurred to them. You know, it may not have been with the 4 levels above them, but there was something that caused them to shut down. But what did you do, or how did you recognize that it wasn't the excuse you were using, which is, I don't like politics, I don't want to get caught up in the politics, but it was more internal? About, you know, about your own confidence, your own, uh, self-awareness? How did you finally say, oh, wait a minute, I now know what's causing it and I have to get out of it?

I wish there was a moment like that, but there wasn't, you know. Uh, I kept keeping the feeling aside. So I remember every day when I was sitting in the boardroom I felt like an imposter. I felt I'm the least learned of these people. I felt that, you know, one day this all will finish and these guys have no idea about that. I am clueless at this point sitting in the meeting about what I have to do. So I treated myself as somebody who was the least, and I treated like this for years. So I got caught up in that mind frame and I just didn't know what was happening. I didn't even know the word mediocre. It was 5 years back, my company said— so this imposter syndrome, mediocrity, it can go on till the date of retirement. But I was lucky that my company came and said, Shilpa, enough of your game, we don't need you any longer. And that passed the signal to me that I have fallen down from an outstanding performer in the corporate, somebody that people looked up to, somebody who was handpicked for such amazing things. Many times in life I've fallen down to my deepest, darkest levels. I left the corporate workplace and I'm, you know, and you know, it happened that way for me. And then I started learning from the best brains. Then I started working with my coaches to figure out what happened to me. How did I get so much wrapped into mediocrity that I didn't even see except the feeling that I'm not at my best. That feeling was there consistently in those 5 years. I wouldn't say it wasn't there, but it wasn't to that extent that I saw all this coming.

Right.

It just came.

So the feeling was already there. So you— I pick up on words. So the feeling was already there. What prevented you from acknowledging the feeling and kind of like doing something about it then versus it perpetuating?

Yeah, so feeling was there where I felt small. I felt that I wasn't contributing significantly enough. But I think what came in my way was my ego. You know, I'd seen myself as somebody whom not only, not only my workplace, the whole city that I come from, the town that I come from, they looked up to me. And I was caught up in that illusion of Shilpa that I was. And my ego couldn't, couldn't let me acknowledge the fact that I need to do something different. So, you know, that's where I was caught up. And I'm so happy that I got that jolt where, uh, yes, that was a very difficult moment, but somebody shook me up and said, you know what, nobody needs you. You are in a place where you are probably become worthless. And that is where I woke up, right?

Okay, so recognizing— well, I also want to ask you about this, but recognizing that it took that big, you know, that big shift, that big, you know, we don't need you anymore. But what could people do? What could our listeners and viewers do proactively to really kind of understand whether or not they're performing at their best, or they're— and mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of it. What could they be doing to where they don't get to the point? Because I— your story is my story, and so I wouldn't want anybody to get to my point either. Uh, so what would you suggest someone to do?

Absolutely. And this is the mission I'm on, like murdering mediocrity. Recognize it, before it reaches that level. So if you are sitting there feeling that I'm not working up to my potential— and potential is a word which is thrown around, sometimes we just don't understand what it means— but I'm not feeling good, I'm not feeling tall as I enter my workplace, I'm not feeling that I have got that level of voice that I should have when I am sitting in the meeting rooms, when I don't see the respect in the eyes of the people around, the same respect that I was seeing. And I'm somebody who goes a lot by intuition, so I can see in the eyes. I'm sure everybody can if you look. So in the other people's eyes and also in the mirror, this is something which I, which I honestly believe in— our eyes don't lie. So I would say every single day, get up and look in the mirror and ask yourself, am I at my best? You'll get the answer, whether it is mediocrity, above mediocrity, below mediocrity, outlier, whatever is your level. The mirror will tell you. Your eyes will tell you.

Is that because— I love that.

Okay.

Because I'm very visual. So now I'm picturing myself in the mirror, right? Is that because your eyes don't lie in such a way that if, if it's a struggle to say that and believe it, your eyes are going to set— are going to be probably neutral, if not like scowling. But if it's true and you do believe in yourself and you do have confidence, then you're lighting up. Is that what you— what, what you're meaning too?

Absolutely, you got it. You, you'll see the shine in those eyes. I— if I look back, my eyes had got— my eyes had lost that shine. Just, I didn't see. I was going by my face, by, you know, the clothes that I was wearing, but I never looked in my eyes. My eyes would have told me that, you know, it's getting lackluster, it's not good, you're not, you're not feeling proud of yourself. So if you, if any of our viewers is hearing this, do this little test and you will know, you will know. Your eyes are your own, they, they are with you, they will tell you the truth.

I love that. I absolutely— oh, that is sweet. Okay, so Where do other people come into play? So you mentioned, um, very quickly, you, you said something about my coaches. So where do other people in someone's sphere of influence, you know, bosses, peers, some people that mentors, coaches, where should individuals and professionals really be looking, looking in order to find those people that might help them recognize that, for instance, their eyes are not telling a very happy, joyful story?

Right. So I think it is— not I think, I believe it is our responsibility as an individual to find a sounding board. And sometimes it can take the shape of mentors. But the problem with mentors is that they've got their own day work. To do. Like, they're not dedicated to it. They're guiding you, they want you to do well, they're coming from the right place of heart, but they are not dedicated to you. You— your job, it's, uh, it's, it's your responsibility to find a coach and do some coaching every now and then. I would say it's not one time done and dusted. I practice what I preach. I still have my coaches and I coach people. So you find anybody that you align with, somebody you feel that you have got a cultural alignment, who knows the pain that you're coming from, who has been through that kind of a situation, anybody that you align with, and take that person as a coach. And every few months, work on yourself, you know. And obviously, in this, in this space, the bosses, your peers, They all come into place. And for that, I would just say create, create a shared vision with everyone that you are, that you're working with, whether it is your somebody reporting to you, whether it is your peer, peers, or whether it is your bosses, bosses, bosses, 4 levels up. Create shared vision, because when you create a shared vision, then you have somebody else's feet in that vision, and it great, because, you know, with every person you are moving forward. I had no clue of it at that point. But now, this is what I suggest to people. It is not about blaming that my boss is not supporting, or there's politics, you know, just go head on it. As the king or queen of your territory, you need to know how to navigate it, you need to know there's no shortcut to it. It is everybody's cup of tea. And you can be as simple as you are, But you need to do that. And shared vision is an amazing way to get there.

Okay, so let's break that down because some of our viewers and listeners may not be familiar with a shared vision of their own versus the vision of the company. So help us understand and break that down as far as what is it, whose vision is it, and then how do they go about kind of distributing it?

Yes, absolutely. So, um, it's like, let's keep it apart from the vision of the company. A lot of people are on that, they are doing an amazing job, your company is doing amazing. Now, every single entity that you interact with in the workplace, you're doing something with them. Either it is a project that you're working on, it is a program, it is a deal. Based on that, you create a shared vision, and it changes with time, right? Whatever piece of work you're working with Just create a vision and then work together on that. Most of the time we don't go proactive in creating that vision, we are just responding to whatever is needed out of it. But when you are part of a vision where two people want to get to, you'll do everything to make it possible, and you have the other person with you, right? So it is about creating shared vision at various levels and Everybody, including a clerk, including a director, including a vice president, you know, whatever your designation is, whatever area it is, it is possible to have shared vision created at different levels, which is nothing but where you two are trying to get to. You can create shared vision in your marriage, you can create shared vision with your children. So if that simplifies it, it is what you want to do with that individual, where do you want to get Okay, so I want to paint it visually for myself.

So if I wanted to create a shared vision with you, we're working together on a project, um, and all— and we both want to be successful in this project. We're sitting— are we sitting down and are we kind of defining, okay, what is it, Shilpa, you want? This is what I want to accomplish. This is, you know, where I think we both can, you know, can work together, where we can work separately, what challenges there might be, you know, and here are how we're going to measure whether we're being successful. Is that the vision you're talking about?

Yeah. So I'll simply say, okay, Bernadette, I loved coming on your podcast. Let's catch up for coffee. Let's say we stayed in the same city or let's say on phone. So let's catch up separately. And when we catch up, I say, Bernadette, look, I really love the kind of sincerity that you show, the strength that you have, and, um, I just want to let you know that I'm here to feed into your success. I'm here to feed into your success because I love the mission that you are living. I love where you are coming from, and I've seen how you operate. So tell me, what is it that you are, you're wanting to get to? And I, whatever I can do from my side I would love to, love to help or put my, you know, my whatever two cents into that. So you will, you will talk to me, Bernadette Boas, about this is where I'm trying to get to. And I say, okay, that's a great mission. Let us do something. Let us, let us invite these people, you know, because you have got the same story as mine. I am, you know, we've gone through the same pain. So let us build on that pain and let us break it into smaller, one topic at a time. Imposter syndrome, then mediocrity, then something else, you know, uh, uh, how to, uh, you know, how to bring that work-life balance and all those things. Let's break it into different topics and let's invite the expert experts on that, and let's create a show where one topic we go into detail, we go into cases, and we present it to our viewers, you know, to your viewers, so that they have 100% whatever is their pinpoint, they get they get a deep dive into it and they know how to come out of it after they watch your episode. So in this case, Bernadette, I am seeing where you are coming from and I am, I am bringing my experience and my knowledge to create something amazing for you.

Nice, nice, nice. And there's some win-win for, for you as well in it as well, right?

Absolutely. As I said, I feed into your success it automatically means that success comes back to me, right? So you give and you get more than what you give. Always it is the case, right?

I love that. Oh, you are just full of great stuff, Shilpa, but we're not done yet. Um, all right, so how does one really murder mediocrity? What can they really do? And I love your whole platform around creating a powerful, euphoric career. You know, that's more than just saying a great career. I mean euphoric career. What are those things you help others to do to murder mediocrity?

Um, what do I help them do is about a deep dive within themselves, the same deep dive that I did in 2018. Because that just woke me up. That told me what my strengths are. So I take them through a deep dive where they understand why is it that they are not able to get that promotion? Why is it that they are not able to attract a new job? Why is it that they do not have great professional relationships at the workplace? Why is it that they have lost their voice over the years? So that deep dive enables them to understand what is coming in the way, what are those patterns that they have become used to, that has become their habit, what is their belief system, what are the experiences that they have, what are the baggages that they are carrying from the past which they are still caught up in and it is impacting the future. So I go through all that deep dive, and at the end of it, people know that They're standing there unleashed, free from all the burden that they have been carrying. And when they reach that state, and then it is about inviting the new things. Okay, what got us here is not going to get us there. So we have got rid of whatever was extra, whatever we had picked up during the journey. And let's now invite, based on where we want to go, based on our vision, what is it that we need? So then helping them embrace those new things. And I feel relationships go a long way in that whole, you know, adopting the new pieces. Because beyond a certain stage in the corporate, it is not about, not about how well you do, you're expected to do well. That's the minimum. That's a basic expectation. It is about how, how are your relationships with the people? Who is on your side? How many sponsors do you have? Do you have people who will sit behind the closed room and speak for you in that chair where you don't have access to? So it is about all those things inviting. And at the end of it, it is about actually giving a meaning to the word unstoppable in their life. Because it's not about the first win. You know, as I said, you can jump and get that, but are you carrying the right person to actually live that level? It is about being a person who, who will— because life will throw surprises, corporates throw surprises, um, it is becoming somebody who will rock it no matter what, who will deal powerfully with situations, who will become a black swan. Because you cannot really predict what situation will come, but whatever it is, you have everything within you to be successful. Awesome.

But I do want to break into, um, relationships. So I heard— but I don't want to put the labels on it that I use— but I heard various things. But who are— if, if everyone got off this program right now and said, okay, I'm gonna make a goal to go after these type of relationships with this type of person, What are those core relationships, uh, that they should be going after?

Absolutely, I, I love the question. So there are a few levels that I, that I feel that it's a must, it's a must. So number one is your relationship with your eyes, with yourself. That's the first relationship. If your relationship with yourself is not good, you'll get into self-doubt, lack of courage, you know, all those fears, anxiety, stress, and all. So first is your relationship with those eyes. Second is relationship at home, you know, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your children, whether it's parents, siblings, whatever. Get that sorted because everything that you'll build in the external world is based on this foundation. If this foundation is shaky, you know, everything will get shaky. So build it rock solid because then the external world comes in. Then comes your bosses, then comes your peers, then comes the people who report to you. So all the people in your workplace, even cross teams and all that. It is about those relationships, how good you are. Do only the people in your team know you, or you're known, and you're known for the right reasons, right? So it is, it is about the workplace.

And you're known for the right reasons, for the right reasons.

And then it is about the external world. Which is about the community, which is about the world at large. So your life shouldn't be confined to just your company, which is a mistake a lot of us do. We are doing well in the company and we feel that it's good. It's not good. It's good enough. And you do not want to live your life as good enough. So go beyond. Leverage platforms like LinkedIn, uh, whatever, whatever you choose. I love LinkedIn, so it's like, it's the first name that comes on my mind. But leverage those platforms, they are free. Share your thoughts, become a thought leader. You don't need to be at a particular rank or a designation to share things there, but add your experiences, add value to your audience, and become visible. Create a brand recall in a way that anytime that person thinks about a particular area, your name comes to them. You know, if it is your area. So it is about these different levels of relationship.

Yeah. Well, I want to touch on that LinkedIn piece because real quickly, my— what— when I left, I was fired from corporate. And, you know, I had this, you know, 20, 25-year career. LinkedIn was probably around for a good 6 or 7 years by the time I left. And yet when I left, I, you know, went out to LinkedIn so I can leverage all of my relationships from 25 years. And I had like 50 connections to people, whereas I should have had like, at least from very influential people that I had worked with over the years, I should have had at least 500 that I could literally tap into. And they would be these relationships you're talking about. So I love your tip around making sure that you're building relationships and leveraging things like LinkedIn. Now, in the workplace, you mentioned peers, you mentioned the bosses, and then the senior managers. But earlier you did start speaking to what I call sponsors and advocates, people that will go into a room and, you know, and advocate for you. So of those people within the workplace, are those roles as well of relationships that you suggest that individuals start building?

Absolutely. So they come in that category of the workplace, people in the workplace. So when I say it is not limited to your team, when— so I'll tell you a golden rule which will, which applies to everybody in the workplace and even beyond. It is about coffee catch-ups. Such a simple thing.. And I suggest, no matter how busy you are, pick up a day. I love Thursdays because Fridays people are not in a mood to talk. They are, you know, preparing for the weekend. But Thursdays, pick up back to back, have 4 coffee catch-ups, and make this as your prayer for the week. You know, this is your— you're meeting somebody new, 4 back-to-back coffee catch-ups. And there's no agenda. You're not there to— when we say the word leverage, it is about we are taking something from— no, you're not taking anything. Right? It is just, you're just talking and you can literally say, oh, I've seen you on my floor a number of times and I really, I've heard a few conversations, I really love the way you carry yourself and you seem like an interesting person. I thought I'll go and I'll, you know, know more about your work and maybe, you know, because we sit on the same floor. So you can say to people who are not part of your team, you can even say to leaders that you admire. And I have done it, like this is something which I did to a very small extent. And leaders did respond. They did come to those coffee catch-ups. It is our own doubt whether this person will respond. How will they say? What if they say no? Be ready for nos, because we grow in those moments of nos, right? Absolutely. Catch-ups is the mantra.

I love that. I absolutely love that. And it— and you're right. I mean, who cares? No is a two-letter word. Who cares? Move on. You know, somebody will say yes. And at the same time, what I also learned from a sales perspective too is no doesn't mean no. It just means this isn't a good time. Yes, yes, I know that out there too. This has been great. Do you have one last tip or piece of advice for our viewers and listeners?

One last piece of advice. Look, what I would say, it is not about— usually when we are working, we make it about what we do between 9 to 5, but it is not about that time. It is what you do between 5 to 9 is what takes your career to the next level. So focus on that. Focus on literally, you know, get into, get into an observer mode to see what do you do. Do you waste all the time after you have done your day job, or are you focusing on creating the future that is in your mind? So 5 to 9 is the golden time.

Damn, love that, Sheeba. Love, love, love that. I've never really thought about it that way, but that is absolutely spot on. Thank you so much. This has been just— we could have talked forever. This has been a wealth of information. I so appreciate you giving us your time.

Thank you so much, and I'm really honored that you invited me, and I hope this episode is useful for your audience.

Absolutely, it is. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt about that. Thank you so much. I absolutely loved this conversation with Shilpa. Shilpa Kushesh of Scintillate. All around how you need to murder the mediocrity that might be just holding you back, causing great frustration, and making you really kind of dislike getting up every day and going into work. And she brought up such powerful— not only her own personal stories, but tips and strategies and experiences her clients even have had, and how she's helped them overcome them. So I absolutely enjoyed this. I wonder what you took away from it. And then if you have any questions, or you're— you have challenges with yourself, or a team member, or your team when it comes to really murdering mediocrity, or more so, then feel free to book a call with me and let's talk about it. Go to coachmebernadette.com/discoverycall. You are not alone. We are here together, and we're here to make you a powerhouse leader. So I'm honored that you were with us this week, and I look forward to having you for another episode. Take care, everyone. Bye.