Power Series - Step 1 to Shed Your Bitches - DISCOVER

Hi there everyone and welcome to our first Power Series. And let me give you some background as to why I all of a sudden decided, especially here in the Shedding the Bitch, uh, community on Facebook, decided to do this series. Um, I spend most of my days, um, coaching and mentoring other female business owners and corporate executives. Um, and I do, you know, guys I do have your back as well. And a lot of them first come to me with the need to really kind of work specifically on their business, their strategies, their processes, their infrastructure. Corporate professionals, it's, you know, they want to work on their leadership or to advance to the next, to the next level, or to get, you know, a better job or to ask for a raise or a bonus. Or even a whole new position. And yet what many of them are so surprised at is the, the emphasis that what is holding them back in a good amount of, of those opportunities and sometimes challenges is their mindset, is really what their belief systems are, what their emotions, feelings, thoughts, and words, and therefore behaviors and actions are, and which are then kind of, um, getting all wrapped up in the results that they're getting. And obviously they're not getting the results that they want, and therefore they're engaging me. And over the last, I would say about, I don't know, uh, 4 or 5 days, I've had some really kind of tough love conversations with a few of them in regards to just that their need to be vulnerable, their need to really dig deep, their need to really uncover, um, what is kind of keeping them and holding them back or keeping them down or making them feel as if they're not worthy or deserving, um, whether that is of going out and presenting their product or service to a prospective client, or whether that is going to their boss or their boss's boss and asking for a raise or a bonus or a promotion. And I thought, well, you know, I've been there, done that. And I've spent a good amount of time over the last 12 years since leaving corporate myself and starting my own business, really working on me, working on what it is I want, what it is I don't want, who I am, who I thought I was, and who I really want to be. And I, and I've gotten to a place for myself. Um, not to say that I don't have my own days of feeling yucky or, you know, undeserving or a little bit insecure, but at the same time definitely have found the tools and the frameworks and in this case, um, a methodology for kind of shedding all of those insecurities, fears, negativities, uh, that we have that I happen to call bitches. Because if you know my story at all, um, my own journey transitioning from corporate to, to, uh, entrepreneurial world, my own business, wasn't because I chose it. It was because, you know, I was fired from my corporate career, my 25-year career, and I had to go off and figure out why. You know, what kind of amounted to me being let go, and, and actually from one of my mentors of 12 years, you know, landing up firing me. And I discovered it was because I was a pretty nasty individual. But, you know, that wasn't even what I was interested in understanding. I was more so into understanding why. Why did I become this nasty individual? Why did I lash out? Why did I, you know, beat up on other people as well as beat up on myself, and why— what caused me— what were those beliefs and emotions and thoughts and feelings that transitioned and projected themselves in my words and my actions and my behavior? And, uh, that was where I kind of had my own aha moment of discovery that allowed me to see kind of stages I was going through, um, you know, steps of a transformation I was going through to kind of let go of those fears, insecurities, feelings of a self-worth, intimidation, negativity, and really find, uh, my real secure, confident, um, certain, bold, courageous place. And like I said though, not to say I, I don't have days where it's all like, ah, but now I have this what I call my Shift to Riches Formula. Um, I have these 5 steps to kind of shed all of those bitches, all those insecurities, fears, negativities, and doubts that I've had, I would have, or that come up at any point in time. And I have since dedicated the last 12 years in coaching and lending or giving that methodology to my clients, friends, peers, um, in my speaking engagements, whatever the case might be, so they too you have a framework that you can lean on and go to when you're trying to figure out why are you stuck, why are you frustrated, why are you beating yourself up, why are you talking negatively to each— to yourself, or, and maybe to other people, why are you just unsure of what to do next. So over the next 5 days, I really want to share with you um, each of those 5 steps and give you the series of questions that you could be asking yourself in order to really do that digging deep, do that what I call excavating of the soul, and really have a tool that you could be using on a regular basis that when you find yourself staring at your computer screen and unable to really get focused enough to kind of do some productive, high-value, um, revenue or value-driven work, then you could always kind of say, oh wait, wait a minute, let me sit down and walk through these 5 steps and see if I can uncover for myself what's holding me down and what's keeping me, keeping me stuck. So, um, that's what we will do and spend some time talking about what those 5 steps, to what I call to shed your bitches. But at the same time, it is called the Shift to Riches Formula. And today we're going to focus on the first stage, which is discover. And let me tell you that when I, when I kind of came to the realization of the woman that I was, I was on a jog with my, um, with my pup Charlie. And I was on a run of this, you know, 2-mile circle through a local park right down the street from me. And I'm on this run and I'm running scenarios in my head trying to— and I had been for months trying to figure out what provoked my losing my 25-year career. And it just kind of all of a sudden came to me in all these visuals and noise. And kind of literally physically sent me to my knees on the ground in a park, bawling my eyes out, realizing the shame and the guilt and the embarrassment and humiliation and hurt that not only did I cause other people, but I caused for myself. And it was that point on that I said, okay, I need to dig deep. I need to excavate my soul. I need to to discover, um, who I am, who I want to be, um, and everything that brought me to this day, but at the same time will carry me forward into the future. And again, that is something that I now kind of, you know, give over to, uh, clients in order for them to, you know, have that same sort of not only transformation— and it was life-changing, it was liberating, it was freeing— but also have a very powerful tool that they can always refer to and they can share with other people as well. All right. So if you've ever been asked or if you've ever wondered whether or not you can change, whether or not the circumstance or the place that you are in right now can be new, different, bigger, or better, I'm here to tell you that it is absolutely possible. You just need to be willing to kind of be open, be vulnerable, take a risk on yourself to kind of feel your way through. Because anytime you go into a personal journey, a personal excavation, it's not painless, it's not joyless, it's not— or joyful, I should say— it's not without, you know, fears and, and shame and guilt. And regret, you know, cropping up. All of that will, will crop up as you're trying to really understand, um, what, where, when, how, and whom brought you and made you who you are today. But all I can share with you with great, great confirmation and commitment and conviction, um, and testimony is that it is so worth it. It is so worth it if you're willing to do the work. All right, so in this, um, well, let me give you the 5 that we're going to go through all week, and then we'll dig into the Discover. All right, so the 5 steps, um, to shed your bitches, um, and, uh, and, uh, create the riches in your business and life that you want is Discover, Confront, shed, so you can create and accelerate. And like I said, all week long in these kind of power shot, um, episodes, if you want to call it that, or sessions, I will be sharing with you specific questions, specific exercises, specific things you could be doing to, you know, walk through each of these steps. And then At the same time, as you go to practice them, as you go to work on it, um, you will see how simple it is that when you are all of a sudden finding yourself fearful or doubting or questioning or feeling insecure about something, you could pull out these 5 steps and simply ask yourself a series of questions to work your way through. So then you can continue moving forward. So this isn't about totally eliminating any fears, insecurities, doubts, negativities that you have about yourself— what we call bitches. It's not like all of a sudden you're going to wake up and be like this fully realized individual that has no, no, you know, insecurities or fears about your, you know, about the world, about what's going on around you, or even about yourself. What it is about is giving you a tool that will help you move through it much more effectively, much more powerfully, and much more quickly. And that's what we want. We want that when we do get stalled or we do get flat on our, you know, flat on our face or, or taken to our knees, that we're able to recover that much faster and that much more effectively with a lot more learnings about ourselves and about the situations so that we can kind of not get into that position again. Unless another such a brand new situation comes through and smacks us down. But now we know how to get up that much faster and, um, success, uh, that much more successfully. All right, so in the Discover, you know, I love this phase now. I mean, I spent 25 years kind of hiding behind a mask, uh, not wanting to really look at myself clearly and thoroughly and deeply, because I knew I wouldn't like what I saw. And I kind of sensed that as I was going through my own journey. And so, you know, as I sat there in weeks and months and even several years, I mean, I continue to, to work on understanding all aspects of me and where it— where those beliefs, emotions, feelings, thoughts come from, so then I can understand the words that I'm using, the actions that I'm taking, the behavior that I have, because it all— all of that leads to the result of your life. So, but I look at the Discover phase now as so much kind of fun and creativity and, you know, just curiosity-driven because it's kind of like, okay, so what more can I learn about myself? What, you know, what are the things that have happened in the past that are driving where I am today? But now that I'm here today, what do I want to learn about myself or even create for myself that I can then take with me as I move forward? So the Discover phase is really just, as, as I said, excavating the soul, digging deep, asking yourself some very deep questions that you might not have considered before to ask yourself. Um, and you know, they start simply, uh, but like deeply with, um, basically, who am I? So the first question I would have for you is, when was the last time you really asked yourself that? When was the last time you asked yourself, who am I? Now I'm not looking for— and you shouldn't be either— I'm not looking for, um, well, I'm Bernadette Boas, I'm a success coach, um, I'm single, I live in Atlanta. So it's not all the, like, the demographics, the resume, um, the geographic information about yourself, but it's about who you are at your core. You know, who are you even from a child state, um, when our eyes are all like excited and open and rosy. And, you know, that's where we, you know, kind of our passions and our heart lie, you know. So who am I? Well, I am a, you know, passionate— I am, I am a passionate woman, friend, sister, and lover, pup owner, who really just you know, wants the best for everyone around me. And, you know, and who is just always striving to put kindness and to put empowerment and inspiration into the world, who's driven by family and friends and love and joy and happiness at the same time, you know, who has a passion for everything from pickleball to art to writing, to service, uh, you know, and you, and you can just continue to go bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and deeper and deeper and deeper. But you, the, the other answers are, who am I? Well, I'm, I'm one that, that define who you truly are. And I would, I myself would say, um, I'm a Philly girl, I'm one of 12 children, I have 6 brothers, 5 sisters, I'm a middle child, and I'm your typical middle child. So as answering this question, you're, you know, you're pulling all of that type of stuff in, um, and you're even going back to, you know, I believed when I was, you know, from the time I was born to about 9 or 10 that I was adopted. And the reason why of that is because of 12 of us, I was, you know, considered the milkman's daughter, the postman's daughter. I was, you know, blonde hair, blue-eyed, fair-skinned with this really deep voice even as a child, and all my brothers and sisters were were freckled and, and dark hair, and, you know, they didn't have my voice, and they didn't have my mannerisms, and they didn't have my behavior. And so, you know, and they teased me, you know, continuously that I was adopted. And so you're just kind of creating that narrative about yourself, and yet at the same time, you're even kind of taking it from childhood to your, your teen years to your 20s to your 30s, wherever you are in, in, in life. And you're— and you are peppering in your academics and your you know, professional life, really to understand who you are. Um, and that's just kind of the initial kind of, who am I? And I can guarantee you, you're not going to get that deep initially, and that's okay because you're just going to look at it as if it's very, you know, on the surface, so to speak. And, you know, it's very kind of just right here. There's initially probably won't have a lot of heart to it. Maybe it'll be very logical versus emotional. It'll be very tactical versus maybe strategic and big picture. And that's all okay. But as you go through asking yourself that question, you're going to all of a sudden see— and if, if I can make one suggestion, is grab a journal and a pen or your computer, however you want to capture all of of this, um, because it also makes a great, great piece of your legacy, you know, that you could be passing down to your, to your children or to your, you know, friends or to your, you know, partner or whatever the case might be. It might even turn into a book. I had no plans, um, to write Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. I had no intention as I started to excavate my soul in 2008, I never intended that, you know, all of a sudden I would start writing it as a book and a story and lessons and tips to share with other people. Initially, it was just me capturing, uh, because I am a journal writer. So I've had— I've been journaling since I was about 8. So my intention was to put it in a journal, but I don't even read my journals. The minute I start writing and finish writing, that journal's closed. It's, you know, kind of, if it, once it's complete, it's put on a bookshelf and I never, ever, ever open those pages again. Whereas here it was more purposeful and intentional. And I would suggest the same for you because you never know, it could also turn into a book. And in my case, I then took that book and turned it into a screenplay for a feature film, but that's for another day. So initially, who am I? Is the question you want to ask yourself. And then you might go— because you, you know, you are looking to kind of bring yourself to the current but then also move into the future— in my case, I had to say, who do I want to be? Obviously, I wasn't in a great state when all of a sudden I'm realizing I was this nasty person. And so all of my who am I had to kind of answer that question as to why am I such a nasty person, but it also led to who do I want to be. And so then you, you start looking at, you know, your future, your vision, your goals for yourself, um, you know, in all— again, in all aspects of life, not just geography or demographic-wise, but your passions and your, your, um, your heart, uh. But it also led and should lead you to say, who do I not want to be? So many people right now, and this includes a good majority of even my clients, are not happy where they are. It's why they went looking for support from a coach, a mentor, to kind of help them understand, you know, where they want to go. But at the same time, where you want to go means that you're also probably leaving things behind. And so some of us have to, you know, kind of turn that question on its head and say, Who do I not want to be? I did not want to be that nasty person. I did not want to be that person that caused pain or hurt or shame or guilt for anyone, let alone myself. So who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I not want to be? Are some really critical, critical questions that you can be, you can be asking yourself. And then, you know, you might move on in the Discover phase to say, You know, what are, you know, what are my passions? What are my inspirations? What are the things that really bring me joy? Now, a lot of times in my work with individuals, especially with the business owners, they're also looking to not necessarily start a business. Most of the clients that I have already have been in business 3, 5, 7 years. At the same time, they're questioning You know, is this the business I want to be in? Is this what's really going to not only give me a legacy and make me money, but more importantly, what's going to bring me joy? What's going to, you know, really at the stage or season that they're at, really bring them the happiness that they're looking for? So you want to throw in your passions and your inspirations and, and, you know, those hobbies that you might have, those people, places, and things that bring you all of the— all of what I call the riches in life. Um, so you're really kind of, you know, looking at all areas of your life. What is the vision you have for yourself? And I don't care if you're 70, 80 years old, you still have life to live, and therefore you still have a vision for yourself. So you look at, you know, your vision, your inspiration, your goals. Um, where you, where you're going, where you want to, to go, who you want to be, who you want to be with, and who you don't want to be with. Um, so that goes into the, you know, who are you, who do you want to be, and who do you not want to be. Because who you are are all the things around you as well— the people, places, and things, all the external factors as much as the internal. So your discovery phase should be kind of like, you know, opening up a Pandora's box of all of these questions and all of these curiosities and all these interests that you can be kind of not scaling down but capturing, capturing verbally or in writing kind of who are you and what it is that you want this one life that we all have that goes really, really fast, and that you want to really be maximizing and optimizing each and every day. Because I'm just, you know, when I look back at, at being fired in 2008, and at the time, you know, you're thinking, oh my God, it's the worst thing in the world that could happen to me. You know, I'm losing, I, you know, I basically lost everything. I lost You know, not only my career and my salary and my health benefits and the company I worked for and all the people that I knew, you know, with that company, I lost my identity of being this, like, you know, what I considered at that time to be a, you know, a high-powered, you know, corporate executive, you know, who, you know, all my friends knew me as a certain way, my family members knew me as a certain way, I lived a certain lifestyle. And all of a sudden that was all ripped away from me in a matter of minutes. And so I had to kind of recapture, you know, not only— I didn't want to— I knew I didn't want to go back there, but even if I didn't go back there, you know, who was I and what was I going to be doing with myself, you know, going forward? Even it was when I was 48, and, um, you know, so where a lot of people are like, oh gosh, I'm 48, what You know, what am I going to be doing next? Oh my gosh. You know, my world has, has drastically changed in the last 12 years. And I look back at it now, at it as I'm sure you can at certain past things in your life to say you are in such a much better place. And as hard as that was at the time, as hard as where you might be right now, and as scared or unsure or stuck as where you might be right now, You really working, and in this case discovering who you are and what you really want out of life, will be the most liberating and freeing experience you'll ever have for yourself. And it's just a matter of start to really ask yourself some very deep, very profound questions that you're totally honest and raw and, and authentic and truthful about. And at first when you're not, because you won't be, I can guarantee you, unless you already are on the self-aware journey, so to speak, um, you know, many of us have spent a lifetime never asking ourselves what makes us happy. What makes me happy? What brings me joy? What do I want? What do I want to achieve? What do I want to experience? A good many of us, because trust me, hundreds if not thousands of women I've spoken to or worked with over the last 12 years. As I moved from being a robot, what I consider a robot in my corporate career, to being now a very vibrant, exciting, and, and very full, rich woman and human. And, you know, one who's not scared to reveal all of my vulnerabilities and my insecurities and my fears. Uh, because I've, I've kind of have seen what that openness, what that truth has allowed me to create for myself, and therefore I would love for you to be creating for yourself. All right, so discover, just ask yourself a plethora of questions— is that a word? Uh, of questions, and work your way through and give yourself time and patience and the speed of which you're gonna go versus someone else is going to be your speed and your journey. So this isn't about, you know, you have to do something in, you know, in a certain amount of time, even though we're going to move on tomorrow and talk about confronting what you've just learned about yourself. All right, so, um, this is just creating your own, uh, personal journey and allowing you to see just what opportunities you have in front of you by doing a little bit of of, um, digging into, into what it is that you want for yourself. Okay, now should you say to yourself, wow, this is, this is exactly what I need, this is exactly, you know, I'm looking for understanding, I'm looking for truth, I'm looking for, um, guidance as to what it is that I want, and I'm ready to tackle, you know, doing the work in order to really discover that, um, let alone to, you know, what we're going to talk about the next few days— confront, shed, create, and accelerate. There's a lot to discovering. You've been on this Earth for maybe, you know, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70-plus years. You know, it— you know, discovering exactly who you are and being completely content, it's taken me 12 years. Um, it's, it's not, you know, it's not going to happen overnight, but it doesn't have to take 12 years either. But at the same time, life is is a constant learning about ourselves, and it should be. And I hope that it is until, you know, the day I'm no longer here. And I would hope the same for you. But if you are interested in wanting to do this work and wanting to do it very intentionally and wanting to— and wanting some support and some help in doing that, then, you know, reach out to me, schedule some time with me during a kind of a deep dive powerhouse session where we can discuss our 3-month, uh, Discover You immersion. And it's really— it's all 5 phases, but again, it's really, really, really focused on the Discover phase, providing you that opportunity to do the work and have the support and have the kind of the mentor and coach by your side to really help you be vulnerable, be open, be truthful, be confused, be frustrated, be scared, be pained. But while, you know, but at the same time having that, having that security blanket that what you're working on is going to open up and reveal a whole new world of opportunities for you and adventures and excitement. Um, so, uh, but I want to make sure that it's right for you and it's something that you're going to benefit from. So, you know, feel free to schedule a complimentary powerhouse session where we can really, you know, discuss what it is that you need, what it is that you want and don't want, uh, what your goals are, and see if the Discover You 3-month, uh, immersion program is a good fit for you. Uh, so you can go to tiny.cc/powerhousesession. You can see it on the screen there. And schedule some complimentary time with me, and we'll see if it's a good fit. And if it is, fabulous. And if it's not, fabulous. I'll still be here to give you tips and tools and strategies for really creating the riches in your life that you deserve. All right, uh, so that's today. And like I mentioned, tomorrow we're going to talk through confronting, um, everything that you've discovered and beyond in order for you to move through this Shift to Riches Formula that I also refer to as being able to shed the bitches, your limiting beliefs, the things that are holding you back, so you once and for all can really go out and create the riches in life and in your business that you deserve. All right, so I will see you tomorrow, 2 o'clock Eastern time, and I will be live as opposed to this is recorded, simply due to a last-minute emergency that I had that I needed to take care of. All right, I will see you tomorrow. Bye.