Protecting Women and their Children with Donna Signorelli

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone, and welcome to Just Shedding the Bits Radio. Yes, I'm Bernadette Boas, and it is a stunning, stunning, stunning hot day, uh, here in Atlanta, Georgia. And I feel like I'm now back in the cycle of talking about the heat in Atlanta. I mean, it's only May and we've already had multiple days of high 80s and low 90 days. So you probably heard my kind of cycle of conversation last year because that was a very, very hot spring and summer. I hope that it's not as bad this year, but the sun is glowing and I am grateful for being alive. That's all I have to say. And I'm so glad that you're all here because this is a special conversation. We are continuing Mother's Day week, month, day. I just think there's never, never, never enough minutes in an hour, hours in a day, days in a year to recognize and rise up or help raise up women and give them the support and the resources that they need. So stay tuned because this is going to be a very informative. It's going to be a very, you know, it might get uncomfortable for some people because they don't want to think about maybe someone that they know, or even themselves, are going through some really, you know, trials and tribulations that they need help with. And yet at the same time, one thing I'm so proud of when it comes to the Shedding the Bits community is how supportive all of you are. So we're going to have a powerful conversation today and it's all going to be around the tribute to mothers without a voice. And I'll kind of dig into that a little deeper in just a few minutes. So some rich news. It's a quiet week so I'm not going to, you know, unless you turn on the TV and listen to politics, it's been a quiet week. So let's kind of like shut all that out, shut out the noise, and kind of give each of us, each of you, an hour for you just to kind of breathe and just take in the conversation that we'll have with you. Some upcoming shows I wanted to make you aware of. A returning guest, and I love our returning guests, is Jeffrey Tobias Coulter, and he's the author of Why Women, and he's a major advocate for women in the workplace, women in key leadership roles. His book Why Women is actually a guide for men, for the male leader, because 85% of the business leaders out there in the world, in the business world, are men. So if women want things to be different, things to change, we have to get the men involved. And Jeffrey has been on every public stage and every corporate boardroom really kind of pushing this agenda. And so he's going to come back and he's going to talk to us about how women should stop leaning in and actually fight to get men to stand up for them. So that'll be next week. And then I can't believe We're going— we're, you know, working our way into June when we'll have our Ask Bernadette episode, which is when I take your questions, stories, and challenges, whether it's about your job, whether it's about your business, whether it's about your relationships or friends, and I try to help provide you some tips, advice, and sometimes tough love. So be sure to be posting your questions, stories, or challenges out on Facebook. Our Shedding the Bits page on Twitter. You can email me directly at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebits.com. You can even, even LinkedIn with me and shoot me a note there, which is a place that I get a lot of the questions coming to me for some advice and mentoring. So that's going to be, um, at the end of the month, the first Tuesday in June. And then we have a whole, uh, packed house in June talking about all— a variety of discussions around your career, business, and life. So be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitsradio, follow the program, and you'll get all the updates and topics and even notifications of the guests that are coming up.

All right.

Let's see. Deborah is going to be out there. Watching for your tweets, and she'll be tweeting along with you. She'll even glance over at Facebook, making sure that there's no questions coming in. This particular program is being recorded, and therefore, if you need to reach out to our guest today, I'm going to make sure that you have all the contact information, or at least the ones that she provides, in order for you to reach out to her on your, you know, on your own if need be. But you can always reach directly to me and I can get her in contact with you. All right, let's see, what else do we have to share? Have to share— I think that's it. So what we're going to do is we're going to take a quick break. I am going to grab some water, and when we get back, I'm going to introduce you to the subject of this tribute to a mother's voice or I'm sorry, A Tribute to a Mother Without Voice, and it's all around the Custody Project. So if you go to thecustodyproject.org right now, when I met our guests, I was really drawn in. Despite not having children, I still felt the plight of, of these women and the children and just the struggle that they're going through.. And we're so honored to be able to meet Donna, who is providing support and care and even financial resources to help those individuals, those women in particular, really fight for defending the custody and visitation of their children. And to provide those funds for common necessities when such legal offenses prevent it and they are unable to. And so when we get back, we're going to talk about the mission of the Custody Project. But if you will go to thecustodyproject.org right now, and also left-hand side of their site, Donate Now, they could really use your support and your donations in order for her and her team to be able to continue to expand this initiative. One that's very critical because whether you know somebody or not, there's many, many, many women out there who are struggling to fight for their children. All right, so when we get back, we'll dive into this a little deeper and introduce you to our guests. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistants and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking The Custody Project. Go to thecustodyproject.org to see all the details and pay attention to the left-hand side where there's a donate button. Their mission is to promote the general welfare, both directly and indirectly, of women and their children as a unit related to care, custody, and visitation issues. So what we're going to be talking about as I bring in our guests is the challenges that mothers face when dealing with difficult custody issues and why these families, families need your help. Help, and how attorneys and legal firms can help them pro bono, and ways to help as a donor and supporter, and how mothers can also help other mothers. And lastly, why laws— and every one of us need to pay attention to this— why laws to support these families must be constructed and/or improved in order to make the lives of the mothers and their children a lot more productive. So I want to introduce you to Donna Signorelli, who saw the need to assist mothers and their children undergoing financial crisis brought about or associated with legal demands. She founded the Custody Project in 1994 and has volunteered her services for over 20 years, serves on the board as president and CEO, and is expanding the operation and services of the Custody Project. Her opinions are given as a citizen and mother. She is not an attorney. Welcome to the program, Donna.

Thank you, thank you, Bernadette Boas.

You're very welcome. And I, you know, I was just drawn to just everything that you're trying to do. Um, before we get into kind of the nitty-gritty of what you do within the Custody Project, What made you all of a sudden realize that there was this need back in 1994?

Did you say what made— how did I begin to see this? Yes. One of the ways— this is kind of an off-the-hip snapshot— but one of the ways was there were difficulties with California custody laws. And there was a— Sacramento is where the legislature the legislature meets, and mothers— there was a bill that Senator Watson put out at the time, which I believe was called SB 1350. And the bill basically said, if you are a custodial parent and you have the custody of your children and you need to move, the move should be allowed for any good faith reason. That's how I remember that proposed bill. And mothers from all over the state traveled to Sacramento to speak in support of this bill. And these mothers were not dressed to the nines. Some of them came looking somewhat ragtag, but mothers came from hundreds of miles to come and support. There were professors there, there were attorneys there, professionals speaking in support of the importance of this bill. And one of the pieces of work that was done around that time was a survey of 200 custodial parents who had requested to move for good faith reasons, as the custodial parents of their children. And of the 200 parents, 192 were denied, 8 custodial parents were permitted their move. And as I was told, it was 8 male custodial parents and 192 female custodial parents were denied.

Wow.

So that was a, you know, part of, you know, the street education that was occurring for mothers. And as I see it, still occurs, is mothers facing challenges in court which you don't expect. You are— if your children are in danger, or your children are in need of protection of the court, or you need to have the visitation schedule modified so you can move for a reasonable reason, you don't— you're not usually trained as an American that you need to— that you're educated to learn that there could be a huge gender bias in the courts, for example.

So that was a huge eye-opener.

In that piece. And then as the years have gone by, listening to further and further stories. But that was one piece of— and then of course these mothers are running from pillar to post because the expenses are so high, trying to figure out how they can afford legal representation when the services are almost nonexistent throughout the country. So they are borrowing all their assets to try to get the help they need. And if they can't afford it, and some can lose custody in the blink of an eye because they don't have— to me, that's inexcusable, you know, that when— because you need competent attorneys, competent representation, that you need the knowledge and the education in order to protect your kids in court. Absolutely.

So let me ask you, so, because I'm shocked I'm absolutely shocked by that, that whole explanation, because I would have always thought that it was the men that always felt that they were the, uh, ones being screwed over in the courts when it came to custody and visitation, that it always goes to the mother. So I'm shocked the fact that there was such a, a disparity, I mean a huge disparity, in kind of what was being permitted to the fathers but not to the mothers. That's That's just mind-blowing to me. So let me ask you something. So, you know, if a woman is either, I guess, is going through divorce or just they have a child with someone else and they have to fight for custody, how much does that cost, that custody case activity cost? And then what options are there for the women, for the mothers to get the money?

Okay. Let me just make one last remark on what you said regarding the shock. I think those of us, or anyone who was in any way associated with the '50s and the '60s, usually when parents got a divorce, it was very, very simple. And usually moms got custody, dads paid child support, and it was very simple. It was taken care of and it was done. Now it's far more complex because there are different factors that have come into play. A simple divorce can be just as easy, as simple as I just described. The parents sit down, they decide what they want to do, they create their own, basically their own order. And remember, you're talking to a mother, not an attorney. But you, you know, you create your own order, you go to court, you have it filed, and you're working everything out between yourselves. That is awesome, and that is ideal for many reasons. But in contested and in really difficult custody cases, high-intensity cases. Part of the issue is, is if you have a situation where a child is being sexually molested, how do you sit down at the table to work out an excellent visitation schedule when the excellent visitation schedule might be no contact whatsoever or supervised contact with true professionals who can watch and ensure the safety of this child. Uh, versus the other parent who is saying they want full sole physical and sole legal custody. So as these things flow, uh, a contested case— where an uncontested might be $1,500, let's say— a contested case can go $100,000, $200,000, $300,000. It really depends. Uh, so any mother who's, let's say, making minimum wage or $12 an hour and have to hire an attorney, let's say at an average of $250, $300 an hour, within the blink of an eye all resources can be exhausted. And they might never even have gotten to trial yet. So it can be daunting. And these are their children. I mean, there is, there is no, it is a critical national issue what is happening for these families.

Right. And is there, apart from what you already explained, are there other underlying custody issues that are, that are kind of included here, or does it run the gamut, or what do you find is the biggest area where mothers need support?

Well, again, The more a mother can educate herself and understand the paradigms that I feel the court operates under, which— and again, all of this is research, studying, visiting law libraries, consulting with attorneys in order to understand the lay of the land. But the— what am I— the custody can include, for example, not only the decision of who has custody, who has visitation, working out an excellent visitation schedule, which is always the crux of the case. How— what is the right schedule for these kids, for this family? If you're dealing with child support, molest, molest, sexual abuse, negligence, child endangerment, domestic violence, lives at risk, you know, kidnapping, the legal biases that you see when you're dealing with court personnel. In other words, the gender bias we discussed a bit ago. Criminal charges, which in order to avoid the criminal charges, in some of these cases, this is why the noncustodial parent is requesting sole physical and sole legal, is that if they can undermine the custodial parent, and convince the judge to give them custody, that in a certain way, that forgives any criminal charges. So it's very, very frustrating, because—

Right.

—to get to the criminal level, you have to hit certain thresholds. So a wide range of legal skills is really required to handle complex, contested, high-conflict custody cases. Right. And then, of course, the attorney fees.

No, go ahead. Go ahead.

Of course, the attorney fees. Well, yeah, the— there are not, in my— to my knowledge, there are not many support services in our country. If you have, for example, if you might qualify for some legal aid, free legal aid, if you are, let's say, 200% hitting the 200% or under federal poverty guidelines. But a lot of people who are knocking on the door, a lot of mothers who are knocking on the doors of attorneys are, need to create payment plans, so much per month over time at no interest or a sliding scale fee that they can afford or even pro bono representation. Some of these cases can go on for 5 or 10 or 15 years. Some of these mothers have to step in pro per and represent themselves and try to find attorneys who will help them. In my view, it's always critical to have an attorney at a custody hearing. Right. Some hearings are very simple and can be done because they don't— can be done by a mother because they don't jeopardize custody, but it's— You really need the support. And that's part of why the nonprofit started is, in the truest sense of the word, these mothers so need money in order to just protect these children in courts of law and have competent representation that can carry the ball, that can carry the case forward for them and secure the best visitation schedules for these kids.

Right, so what, what role, what, what services does the Custody Project— and I want to remind everybody, thecustodyproject.org, go check it out, and on the left-hand side there's a donate button. Please, please, please, especially, you know, those mothers out there, recognize that if you don't have these issues going on, you're very blessed.. And other women, even if they don't act as if, you know, there's some struggle in their life, they are dealing with this. So go out to thecustodyproject.org and check it out. So what's— what services, or, you know, how can the Custody Project and your organization help these women? Before we talk about, like, nationwide, what can what can the Custody Project do?

Well, part of what happens for us is moms find us throughout and call us throughout the country, basically with the same scenario. Oftentimes, a mother has exhausted all her resources, whatever resources she might have had. And that may mean she's run through all her savings, her retirement. She may have lost her job. Because she has to run to court to defend custody. She may have tapped her family and her friends, her church, her community for every resource she can find. And we are just one more resource she is calling. But the dev— the financial devastation to these families is immense. It is not unusual for moms to say, you know, I hired an attorney, he wanted $2,000 down, I gave him my rent money. So, when we are able to help, and our help is usually twofold. One is educating moms, spending time with them on the phone to brainstorm, to consider options with them, to look at ways that they might, you know, address their cases, to encourage them to reach out and do the research and connect with attorneys, etc., as they can. But the other piece is, depending on the donations we receive yearly, we give grants towards legal expenses. And let's say the mother did use her rent or her mortgage and had given the attorney what was required at the time. We may go the back way and then cover the rent or whatever we can towards it, or the mortgage. Or she may have forfeited the food or the phone or something critical, a common necessity. And to me, a common necessity is not the cable bill, but it's the heating bill, the water, you know, the food, that type of thing. So there is such a domino effect and such an instability created by this situation that one of the objectives is to keep this family stable. And that's part of why the call to action is how much all of us can help. It's a very invisible crisis in our country.

Right, right. Well, I can only guess that there's probably, you know, women out there who don't reach out for help because they— and especially amongst their own community— because they don't, you know, because they're embarrassed or they're ashamed or they're just, you know, not wanting other people to know what they're going through. Which is heartbreaking. Do you find that, that that to be the case?

Well, the mothers who find us, you know, there's a pattern, or at least in my mind there's a pattern, let's say, with domestic violence victims where they will leave and then they will after a time go back to the abuser. They'll leave, they'll go back. Our mothers are so far beyond that. They are so done. They, they are Part of the— one of the reasons a high-conflict case occurs is, in a sense, they are being very deeply punished, even by using the legal system as a weapon of violence against them. But they are so committed to never going back. And that requires so much support. So, my sense is, yes, there are moms who— and we've had calls from some where they don't want to disclose to others They don't want to jeopardize their professions or their jobs or their status in the community, but they are in just as much crisis. But my— I think when your— the safety and security of your children are on the line, you are on the phone calling every single resource you can find to desperately protect these kids.

Yep, absolutely. And so, before we move to the conversation about other resources, How can, other than donating, how can other people that are listening, before we take our first break, because we're going to, I'm going to ask this multiple times, because everyone, I want you to be reaching out and wanting to help Donna and her organization. What other help or support can they be providing you and the Custody Project?

The biggest, the biggest, biggest, biggest, is money, because that's what these families need. However, say for example I have, or I'll just use a hypothetical. Say for example you're a mom and your little son or daughter has come and said, you know, they essentially, they've made some remark that they wouldn't even know the language, but essentially that they're being sexually molested. Some of the judges, when these mothers rush to court to say, please help me protect, please help me protect my child or my children, et cetera, some of the judges see that as evidence, unfortunately evidence, that they're just trying to block contact with the other parent. Some of these judges will flip custody, you know, transfer custody to the, this, essentially this perpetrator, this abuser, and then it can sanction the mother in such a way that she either has supervised visitation, and some mothers have reported that if they speak up, they don't want to speak up because if they do, total contact will be removed. Now, if you have— let's just say you're in this position and you have a supervised visitation schedule, or you have an order that says, you know, let's just say a total restraining order where you can't even, go near your children. Sometimes, in my mind, I mean, what else can the court do to harm you? Sometimes you have to, I think, take this court order, wear it at all times, or bring it with you. And you talk about shame, or the letter A, you know, from The Scarlet Letter. You know, you have this situation where part of you may want to, you know, hide in a hole. But the other side is to take this order and to sit down with the, let's say, the chief of police in your jurisdiction and his jurisdiction, shake hands with the police, the beat cops assigned to your neighborhood and his neighborhood, show them the orders, show them the evidence that you have. Hopefully you have evidence, and assuming the court ignored it, hopefully you have evidence to say, "I have reason to believe my children are in danger, and I cannot get near them, and please keep your eyes open to protect my children." And essentially, you are asking the same thing of the entire community. If you have to sit down with teachers, principals, doctors, nurses, coaches, whatever, extracurricular activity people, mothers, their friends' parents. It is embarrassing. You can get in more trouble, I guess, because you can be accused of blatantly blocking the— trying to block the contact with the other parent. But essentially, your contact has been completely obliterated. So the— wow— the question is, how do you protect your children when, as a good custodial parent, you have been so removed from being able to protect them. And in my mind, the answer is to speak, to speak to your community and say, "Please keep your eyes on my children. If you see anything, feel free to call the police to report a crime. Feel free to act on their behalf." Because I can't. And I'm sorry, I will cry. This is so heartbreaking to these—

that's right. Well, I'm going to give you— I'm going to give you a moment to, um, take a breath as well. Some of you also got me kind of like worked up, but that's okay because we— I really want to dive into this. How, how do good mothers lose custody, and what is the complexity of that, and how does it happen? But let's take a break, and when we get back, we're going to continue this conversation. But in the meantime, everybody, please go to thecustodyproject.org, and again, read about them, check out all their links and their pages, but pay attention to the left-hand side. Donate now, donate online, I believe is what it says. Please help them and do what you can to help these— Bernadette Boas.

Bernadette, on our website we have one Donate Now button which is PayPal Giving Fund. And I really want to push it because they will send us 100% of any donation, which is very fabulous but unusual. So that button especially, the PayPal Giving Fund Donate Now button.

Thank you. Okay, so it's the— because it doesn't say PayPal, but it just says The Custody Project Donate Now button.

Yeah, I think that one is linked to the PayPal Giving Fund. But on our Donate Online section there is an icon on the left. And if supporters scroll down or click on that button they will see— Oh, I see, I see. Yeah, they will see that it says PayPal Giving Fund. And that one is so precious right now.

Okay, great. TheCustodyProject.org, go to, you'll see a button that says donate now, or donate online actually. You'll get onto a page, scroll all the way down on the left-hand side, and you'll see PayPal Giving Fund. So when we get back, we'll continue this conversation, because we do need to help these women and help Donna's cause to really care. For both the mother and the children. We will be right back.

Thank you. You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and Follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking with President and CEO of thecustodyproject.org, I want to remind you, Donna Signorelli, and their mission is to promote the general welfare of both directly and indirectly of women and their children as a unit as it pertains to care, custody, and visitation issues. So we were just talking before break about the idea, and I just, it ripped my heart out, the idea of a good mother for various reasons losing custody of their children. And Donna, I guess I have to ask, um, I, I, it just floors me that that could even happen, but yet, you know, it is what it is. Is it coming from the legal, like the attorney fight of the opposing person, or are the judges— what is like up with the judges to where they would look at a mother who is, you know, is a great mother and has her stuff together, and yet, you know, goes in the other direction.

I mean, what do you see happening? Well, again, very complex question. I always draw a triangle, and at the top, the apex, is the best interest of the child standard and the custodial parent. And a custodial parent is the person usually the mom, who best supports and looks after the health, safety, and welfare— and I always include education as well— of the child or children. They're the one that the kids are most deeply bonded with. And these are typically— you have to go state by state to see what each state says under their best interest of the child standard. But typically, these are, you know, the broad brush strokes of how a custodial parent is defined. The non-custodial parent typically has a visitation schedule, and typically pays child support, and visits obviously less, but they are, you know, connected with the kids as well, of course. How this changes is on the, in my mind, on the bottom right corner, at the point there is change of circumstance. And on the other corner is parental alienation, which, I don't know, 3 decades ago you'd never probably heard the word. But the idea is, how do you go into court and say, yes, she's a great mother, but here's what's changed, and here's why I should now have custody. And that is, that is, um, That is terribly, I think, frightening to most moms. They're not legally trained. They don't know what to do. They don't know what to say. And if they don't have a good attorney, you know, unless they consult with attorneys or go to law libraries and start to research all this, if the judge, if you have a good judge who truly becomes convinced that a change of custody has occurred, I mean a change of circumstance has occurred, and, or with the parental alienation that they truly have disrespected the visitation schedule, then they may shift custody. But typically speaking, once the court has made up its mind and said, you know, let's just say this mom has custody, typically speaking, once the court has decided, they don't want to shift. They don't want to move the kids. They want everything to remain stable. So, that's one thing for all, you know, any custodial parent to understand is that as long as there's no change of circumstance and you are respecting the visitation schedule, there should be nothing really of concern to go back to the court. The problem becomes, at least in my mind— did you say something? No, go ahead. Hello? No, I'm listening. Let's just say that, let's say for example, you know, your kid breaks, we'll say Johnny breaks his arm out on the playground at school and they call you. You rush him to the hospital. He's in the emergency room. They're taking care of him, etc. But it was your ex's visitation day, let's say from, I don't know, on a Wednesday from 5 to 7. And you're at the hospital. And you send him a note or you call him or however you communicate and you say, you know, I know it's your time, but we had an emergency and I raced him to the hospital at 2 o'clock this afternoon. We're still there, etc. In theory, this man, or whoever, you know, the non-custodial parent, can file a contempt of court court, you know, that you violated the schedule. And if a judge is harsh, you know, you could be, that can be against you. So one of the, and that's one of the extreme examples, but just to give you a flavor of it, one of the ways mothers can avoid that, in my mind, is to learn about ex partes. If you have a situation, let's say where Johnny breaks his arm on a Monday at school, and you have to race him to the hospital and you send your ex, you know, a note that says, "The doctor would like him to rest this weekend. I know you have a really busy schedule planned. I'd like to keep him with me and exchange weekends with you and I'll, you know, make it up to you in full next weekend, but would you mind if he stays with me this weekend?" And you submit the note from the doctor and maybe a proof of the x-ray, etc. Etc. And he sends back, no, you can file an ex parte. And, you know, let's say on a— now again, you have to research this and, you know, research with attorneys, etc., how to do this. But you could file an ex parte, which you can file on a Monday. In theory, it would be heard on a Wednesday, and you can get your court order by that Friday. And you're simply asking the court just for this little tweak to say, "May Johnny stay home with me this weekend?" The benefit to that is thinking ahead, is that avoids this tremendous issue of having, of being accused of violating and disrespecting a visitation order. And it allows you, as the custodial parent, to do what you're supposed to do, which is see to the health, safety, and welfare of this child. So that is— Wow! —part of the way that you create the evidence and the information. And when you just do a little ex parte like that, it's a very brief issue. And usually the court, hopefully the judge would look at it and say, that's very reasonable, it's just a, you know, a weekend slip, you know, and then everything will go back to normal and the schedule, the regular schedule will presume, will We'll resume. So, okay, we'll do that. And hopefully everybody's happy and your son gets to rest quietly at home while maybe the rest of his— the dad's family, maybe they were going to Disneyland or something that weekend and he just needs to rest. Right. So that's part of how you help to keep everything stable and you help to avoid a change of circumstance and you avoid this parental alienation accusation, and you still do your primary objective, which is to care for this child. So— Absolutely. The other issue is, again, if you are dealing with gender-biased judges or some type of animus that a judge might have, sometimes you have to look into other options, like peremptory challenges or challenge for cause, something to put on the record that you cannot get fair hearings and trials from that judge.

Wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh my gosh, my heart is bleeding at the moment. Um, but at the same time, I'm so glad they have— yes, I can imagine. And I'm so glad they have the Custody Project to re— uh, to, you know, kind of lean on and reach out to. So thecustodyproject.org, ladies. And, and there's a lot of men that listen to our program too. And again, you may not be the one that needs that support, but guess what? You can help. And Donna, I know in our previous conversations you've talked about how mothers, and I'm assuming anybody, can help by sharing, like with your organization, those agencies, attorneys, or firms that they know will work pro bono or provide some financial support, right? Can you kind of help us better understand kind of how we can help as well, the Custody Project, but with maybe some connections that we have? Right.

Well, because we get calls from all over, you know, the country, the question always is, I'm desperate for help. So if, if anyone listening, whether attorneys, law firms, mothers who have been through this, Anyone who can help us build an alliance of those who would offer pro bono services or affordable sliding scale services or payments over time at 0% interest. Some of these mothers might have an income, let's just say, of $1,200 a month or $1,400 a month, and there is not one dime left over at the end of the month. They may be able to— and the attorney knows their income and expense declaration. They know that if the mother or the grandmother hadn't put down $3,000, this case would not be in front of them. And they know that money is going to go, let's say, within 2 months before they even get to trial. So it behooves, I think, all of us, you know, to strategize, to create ways to eventually, hopefully, to create affordable legal services throughout the country. But it behooves us to be able to sit down with these attorneys and say, "She can pay you $100 a month at 0% interest for the next 10 or 20 or 30 years, long after the case is over. Will you accept that?". And as this mother hopefully goes to school, gets educated, starts to earn a much better living, in theory, hopefully, she can turn around and pay that off much faster. But it is a pay-it-forward system. Mothers who honor this, these attorneys will open the door and they'll be able to say, gee, Mary did this, so I'm going to do this with Sue. You know, so hopefully it's a pay-it-forward at all times. If donations are coming in and we can send these attorneys a check, you know, towards upcoming legal fees or something to help along the way, you know, that also of course is a blessing. But it's thinking in the long term. How do we all pull this off together so these kids are protected? And the other thing of course is, you know, because these mothers have used all their own assets if they have them, all the money that's pouring out into the legal world is being removed from the college education, from, from a home for them, from so much that would benefit these, these kids and these families.

Because, I mean, as much as it is about the mothers, and we don't want to forget that, it's also really also about the kids. I mean, these children that are out there and that they're suffering as a result of something that they had no influence or no cause for happening. So we have a huge entrepreneurial base, a lot of corporate executives and professionals that listen to the program, as well as stay-at-home moms, even dads. So I want you to all get creative. Think through your network, your community, Rolodex, if I was to use a very old term, as to whether or not there are, you know, lawyers or agencies or other firms that, you know, would support mothers and their children through these type of situations. And even if you have an inkling of an idea that they might be a good connection for the Custody Project and for Donna, then just reach out to the Custody Project, and you can always Go to thecustodyproject.org. I'm assuming, well, I don't want to assume. So Donna, is there a connect, like a contact us button there, or is it you just want a phone call directly to you should anybody have? Oh, you do have a contact us.

Yeah, there's a contact us page, but it gives my phone number. But if I can also say, one of the things that obviously we would like to build with an alliance like this is if we have mothers who have a great attorney that has signed on with them, there may be— I think there is now a way to partner with large law firms that have pro bono services available and might step in as co-counsel for the— as long as the lead attorney stayed on and shepherded the case. Which would provide additional resources for some of the complexities of these cases. So that is also a big piece of what I think needs to happen in order also to create great law for these mothers and children going forward. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely.

All right. We're going to take a quick break again, one last time, because then when I get back, I do want to hear before we wrap up, I just want to— a little bit of information regarding what laws need to change or what needs to be constructed or even modified and improved in order to make this a much more effective and productive process, as hard as it is for mothers to get through. And we don't have these issues where 192 women are declined for any type of visitation or rights. So when we get back, we'll finish up our conversation and learn how we can all help the Custody Project. Go to thecustodyproject.org and see what you could be doing to help them.

We'll be right back. You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their the career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media relations at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking with Donna Signorelli of the Custody Project. It's all around caring and providing support for the general welfare, both directly and indirectly, of women and their children when they might be battling custody or care or visitation. So in our last little piece, Donna, what can be done around changing the laws that would support these families, and what needs to be, you know, changed, improved, modified that works in favor of these mothers and their children as opposed to against them?

Well, there's probably too much that I might not— I don't think I could cover it all in the little time left. But one example, for example, would be under the best interest of the child standard, depending on where you are in the country and what your standard is in that state, For example, sometimes there might be a subdivision that says all prior history of violence counts, let's say, whereas in another state nothing counts. Now what does that mean? Let's say you're married or, and you, or whatever, your partner beats you unmercifully and you finally leave with the kids and he asks sole physical, sole legal,, and you step forward and you say, here's all the proof of the tremendous violence. You know, the kids should be with me. I'm safe. I'm, you know, I'm loving. They will fare well with me, et cetera. And the court says, any history of violence against you as the mother does not count. A history of violence against prior, you know, mates, any history doesn't count. Sexual abuse or any sexual molest against a prior child from a different marriage doesn't count. Whereas in another state, everything counts. So that's a kind of an example of— Right. —looking at these laws and saying, I think any mom, for example, who, you know, we all know what really counts. You know, you don't want to put these kids in harm's way. So, that's an example of bringing an issue forward. Another one, going back to the gender bias, you know, is creating, let's say, creating a way so that representation for true custody issues is, in other words, if you kill somebody, as I understand it, in our country, you are afforded a free attorney because of due process. Whereas the lives of your children in a custody or family law matter are at stake, you know, the next 10 or 12 or 15 years is at stake, but you are not entitled to any free representation. And I think that is something our country has to look at. Not that, you know, I don't begrudge a free attorney to, you know, criminals eligible for due process.. But in my mind, so are these mothers eligible. Absolutely. For, you know, tremendous services. So, it, it, that's an example. Another example is, depending on the state you're in, a good faith move can be permitted or prevented, depending on what the state says. However, when you look at move away law, it is a good custodial parent who perhaps gets a great job elsewhere, and this will improve the quality of life for their family, elevate them to a completely different station, etc. And the, the non-custodial may come in and block the move and say, no, they're just trying to leave to block my contact. Well, that's not true because a non-custodial parent— Right. —is free to move wherever they want to. If you get a great job in Arizona,, and you need to move the family there, the non-custodial parent has no block, and he can— or he or she, whoever— can also move, and move right to the same town. They don't have to block your good fortune. You follow me? Right. Wow. Absolutely. It's different. Yeah, because some of these families, as the custodial female parent, are restrained to live— not the mother, but the child or children— are restrained to live, let's say, within 10 miles of that non-custodial parent, or within a county or two counties. And this all is topsy-turvy because instead of the best interest of the child standard predominating, it's more like the 50/50 paradigm. 50/50 equal custody is predominating when it's totally inappropriate for these families.

Well, and I, and I want everyone to go to thecustodyproject.org and learn more about all of these aspects. But more importantly, you're not going to learn all of that on the website. Reach out. If you're in a situation either that needs help or can help the Custody Project, then I want you to definitely reach out to Donna. We'll have her information along with the broadcast in order for you to be able to go, you know, to find her contact information. But definitely, thecustodyproject.org, and remember, when donating online, and there's a button on the left-hand side, scroll down when you get to that page and look for the PayPal giving fund donate now button, because no fees will be charged to her and 100% of your donation will flow through and help these women and these children that need your support. And of course learn more and more about how you can also help with recommendations and referrals and resources. So thecustodyproject.org. Donna, thank you so much for being part of the program.

Thank you. I am so thrilled. Thank you so much, Bernadette. This is thrilling for, I hope, many families. You are very welcome. Thank you.

You are very welcome. And we'll stay in touch, and I'll be posting all of this for everybody out on our Facebook and Twitter pages. And then, like I said, Jeffrey Tobias Halter will join us next week to talk about how women— stop leaning in, and what you need to do is you need to get men to stand up for you and fight for the right for you to pursue your goals and dreams in the workplace. So that'll be next week, and then we get into our Ask Bernadette. So post your questions, stories, and challenges out on our Facebook Shedding the Bitch page or Twitter, and I will give you some tips, advice, and sometimes tough love in regards to what work, career, business, or life challenge you might be dealing with. So I will talk to you all this time next week on another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everyone. Thanks, Donna. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette Boas every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.