Regret or No Regrets... Would you have done anything differently?

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BlogTalkRadio. Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com. Setting the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at settingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone!. And is it— it's not spring yet. I think that's tomorrow maybe. And I'm feeling it, but we'll talk about that in a second. I hope you all are well on this beautiful, beautiful day, and whichever you might be in and listening to the program. And maybe at some point you're actually going to download us, so you might not be live with us, but we are certainly thrilled to have you with us. I do want to start off hacking. That's what I want to do. I want to start off hacking. I probably should actually get to that and mention that first. Please forgive me if I do. Spring has definitely bloomed here in Atlanta, Georgia last Friday. Excuse me. And I am feeling it. I— all of a sudden, all the not all the flowers, but the flowers started spraying their pollen, covering our houses and our cars and my lungs. So forgive me for the hacking. I'll do the best I can to keep it back and not have it interrupt our conversation today. But I, you know, I'm not going to complain about the beautiful, beautiful colors that are making up my backyard finally, because as many of you know, I'm red-green colorblind. So the world in a lot of cases looks very bland. They're very either green or just brown, or maybe the green is brown, brown is green. I have no idea. Although I did just buy myself some colorblindness corrective glasses, and that's a story in itself I'll go into another day. But so maybe I'll actually get to experience all the variety of colors that are out there. Though I certainly can see individual ones, so like I can see white flowers and blue flowers and yellow flowers. The problem is when they come together. Anyway, but spring has sprung and my nose and head and chest are full, and I do have this even deeper voice and eventual or occasional hacks, so I'll apologize for that. I was going to say I definitely want to send out prayers and compassion and hope our Shedding the Bitch community will join in and to do the same for those in the Christchurch mosque shootings in New Zealand. You know, we have to come together as a people and recognize that regardless of where we are in in on the globe, um, and what cultures and races and religions and genders we are, we are all just human people. And I'll, I'll pray for those also suffering with mental illness, which, you know, anyone with hate and anger and bigotry, all, you know, you might as well just say that they all have some degree of, um, mental disorder, um, you know, because it all comes down to that. It all comes down to our mental state. So I'll pray for those and this individual as well. But prayers and, and compassion goes out to, to everyone that is dealing with that. And I do feel that I'm missing another event that might have happened over the last couple days, and I've been absolutely slammed so I haven't really caught up with the news, but I thought something else was, was going on as well elsewhere. Just know that everybody here in the Shedding the Bitch community, and me personally, just feel your pain and just want to send out love and prayers and angels your way. That brings me to also Lent, for another note. But for those of you Christians who might be celebrating Lent, that's started a couple of weeks ago. I mentioned, uh, last week on the program that, uh, with Lent I was giving up, uh, things like— it's supposed to be serious, it's supposed to be like very reflective, very spiritual. For me, especially this year, I just wanted to kind of get some of my bad habits, uh, under control. And so those things were things like Diet Coke, those like beer, uh, not the fact that I was drinking it too much, just from, you know, the effect that it has on my diet and my Weight Watchers and everything that I've been doing, but also cursing and Benadryl. So the cursing comes from all my pickleball play. I am competitive, but more so with myself than anything, and I get very, you know, irritated at myself and will— and my mouth will fly, let me tell you. Um, and Benadryl. And Benadryl, uh, being that, you know, I kind— I will get— I won't say addicted in any way, shape, or form, but I will get dependent on it when I am running ragged and I need some sleep at night. So I'll take up, you know, pop one of those little Benadryls. But I thought to myself, no, I need to really kind of, um, you know, I need to kind of, uh, get get those out of my system for sure. So I was leveraging Lent to do that because Lent— and this is one of the two reasons why I'm bringing this up— many of you asked me about an update, but then also you asked me, you know, why is Lent so important to so many people? Well, Lent from a spiritual and religious perspective, I won't preach to anybody about that. Everyone has their own personal reasons why that's important to them and recognizing the sacrifice that that Jesus has made, and, you know, kind of whatever your denomination of belief is, that's totally up to you. And I'll, I'll just leave that to you. For me, it is a period of recognizing sacrifice. And so at the same time, for everyone, I think it's just another really good opportunity to say, okay, you know what, maybe I faltered on my New Year's resolutions. Are the goals that I've set. It's the beginning of second quarter coming up with April 1st, so, you know, it's a good time to just say, you know, I'm going to hit that reset button. Whatever the reasons are for you, it is an opportunity for you to say, okay, so, you know, what bad habits do I want to give up? Then the second reason why I'm bringing this up is because people have asked me. They heard me have this discussion on the program last week. And then out in life, we've been talking about kind of how our Lenten sacrifices are going and our, you know, kind of disciplines. Some of us have faltered, some of us have not. For me, like I said, the cursing certainly has. Uh, Benadryl did, and only because of the fact that the minute I started getting these allergies, um, I had to start popping something. And, uh, I do have high blood pressure, so there's a lot of things I cannot take. And Benadryl I can, and Allegra or Claritin I can. Everything else is off the table. The Diet Coke and the beer though, I have to say I'm going strong. For those of you who wanted to know, uh, I think the Diet Coke is going to be easy. Uh, I found some other kind of tea mixes and whatnot that I could be— that I could be drinking. I, I think that'll be fine. The beer, when it comes to St. Patty's Day— so happy St. Patty's Day past to all you Irish men and women. I did kind of go without, go without green beer this year, and you know what? I lived. I lived to see another day. And it will be nice, you know, kind of with Lent ending about 5 days before I go on my yearly annual beach trip with my sisters. Right on time. To be able to then appreciate my Lenten experience and then celebrate with my sisters. So for those of you who've been asking how I'm doing in those, those areas, um, and for those of you who have more profound spiritual type of, um, Lenten sacrifices, I'm here cheering you on, uh, and I hope your experiences are going well as well. As well as well, whatever. Okay, so let's see past episodes. If you've missed our program, shame on you, shame on you. No, I'm kidding. You can always go to sheddingthebitch.com, scroll down, you'll see our Shedding the Bitch Radio button. You can go in there and there's all of our episodes from the last number of years, but the last few that we've had We've had a number of them. We've talked about whether or not, can a bitch change? Can a zebra change its stripes? Can a cougar change its spot? But can we change? And so that was a lively conversation last week. You might want to check that one out because we're always questioning that. And today's conversation around regret actually is a good lead-in. Or actually not a lead-in, that episode around can a person change is a good lead-in to this conversation today. Then we also discussed mentors, coaches, and sponsors, whether or not they are of value to you in your career, business, or life, and what the differences are between them. Excuse me. And what the differences are between them. That is a question I'm often asked as an executive coach and personal coach. I'm asked that quite often, and it is— it's not just a corporate thing, by the way. Entrepreneurs, stay-at-homes, you all can definitely leverage mentors, coaches, and sponsors in your lives. I was actually discussing it— I apologize— with someone the other day. I happen to use the term that my sponsor, because I do have a sponsor when it comes to My coaching is someone that looks out for other referrals or recommendations for me, and she's a head of a conglomerate of multiple divisions of her company, and I've been blessed with her being my sponsor and regularly, you know, calling me up and going, hey, you know, do you want an opportunity to help someone else? And I'm here for her. So Mentors, coaches, and sponsors. And then we also had a conversation about shedding the stuck bitch. So if you are ever feeling stuck and you just need some tips and advice as to how to get unstuck. But today we are discussing regret— regrets. Why do we hold on to them? What is the power they have on us? What is the impact negatively and positively to regrets? And how can we manage and shed them? So that will be our— excuse me— discussion for today. Your right question— and for those of you listening for the first time, we pose a question to you that will ground you in the conversation that we're going to have, so you can actually kind of really consider something, an aspect of your life based on the subject we're talking about. And in today's subject about regrets, it's going to be simply what are those 1 to 3 regrets that you're holding on to. And you may have a lot more, you may have one, you may have zero, but think of it. And if you are in a position where you can actually write it down, because I— we always talk about, and I truly believe, that getting it out of your head and onto a piece of paper in black and white takes a lot of the power, uh, things have on you, whether it's emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, whatever the situation, experience, or event you might be dealing with, getting it out of your head and putting it clearly on a piece of paper, I truly believe, takes a lot of the power that it has on you out of the game. So what are your 1 to 3 regrets? If you want to hashtag or tweet and Facebook with us, You can use rich tags: regret, forgive— that's going to be a key element we're going to talk about— and of course always use hashtag #ShedTheBitch. All right, so that will be our conversation. I'm going to get something to drink and we'll take a quick break, and when we get back, we'll dive into this conversation. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com tg-taxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media-relations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking regrets today. Aren't you excited? Just, just the one subject you wanted to be talking about today. But I do, because I think regrets have a really strong hold on many of us. But what are they? What really is regret? So we're going to look at multiple definitions of it. That I've, that I found, um, and that I found also very, um, poignant. I'll use that word, poignant, because if you break it down and you then look at what regret is, many of us might say to ourselves, damn, I'm not looking to feel that way. I'm not looking to carry that burden. I'm not looking to, to live in that space. So I want to kind of, you know, I kind of want to shake us. I want to shake you. I want to shake you to the point where you say, "Eh, that just doesn't feel good to me, and why would I want to feel— why would I want to live in a space that doesn't feel good to me?" All right, so the first one is pretty basic, and it was kind of scattered in multiple places online. Regret: feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or has been done to you, especially a loss or missed opportunity. Uh, now there were some other emotions under there of, of what regret can create, because I don't believe it's just sadness or repentance or disappointment. I experience, even through my, my clients, anger, bitterness, self-hate or loathing, insecurity, fear. And there's many things, other emotions that are triggered when someone is holding on to a regret and they reflect on it and spend time with it, so to speak. Now Wikipedia actually is what I kind of kind of found myself drawn to because then I really wanted to break it down. And I'm that type of person. I, I'll read something and I'll pick out like really key words or phrases or meanings of what is being said. And this could be done fictionally or non-fictionally in my world. Uh, and then I just kind of want to spend time with it and really reflect on it. And I think it's important that we do that because that's when we all of a sudden learn and we kind of glean some insights from not just, you know, spoken words, but written words and meanings and beliefs. So Wikipedia: Regret is a negative conscious, conscious and emotional reaction to one's personal decision-making, a choice resulting in action or or inaction. Regret is related to perceived opportunity. Its intensity varies over time after this— after the decision in regard to action versus inaction and in regard to self-control at a particular age. Then it does go on to say the self-recrimination which comes with regret, is thought to spur corrective action and adaptation. All right, so we're going to break this down because, um, I loved parts of it, uh, had an aha moment with another part of it, and then disagreed a great deal with another, uh, the end part of it. So personal decision making, I thought, was, um, Very key, because that is where regrets come from, is obviously experiences that we've had, uh, events that have, that have occurred, um, and how we chose to respond and react to it. Or, or, and maybe it is an opportunity that we then had a decision to make, and whether or not that decision was right or wrong. But in, in regret It's we feel that we didn't make the right decision. So personal decision-making plays a huge part. And think about it. If you did really address that question that we asked at the top, our rich question, what are the 1 to 3, you might be able to fill up a page. If you went from your childhood to, you know, because I can go back and I did. I kind of made a list. And I'm not, many of you who listen to me know, I don't hide much. I haven't revealed 100% of me to you yet, and that could take however long of life. But at the same time, I'm not— I don't hide from some things that people would be like, wow, I can't believe she shared that. But I will tell you right now, I've shared a layer of it, and it may be a deep layer, but it's— they're layers. So let's see, I could go all the way back to my, to my early childhood, and I then scan forward, and there's a number of assaults, I'll call them, minor and more serious ones from when I was younger to what, uh, into adulthood. I certainly have had business decisions, uh, more so, uh, post-corporate Not to say that my bitch years, my, you know, that my whole world of shedding the bitch is based on, um, but you know, there's something, some decisions I have made, uh, in regards to, uh, business, my franchise that I originally had when I left corporate in 2008 to 2010, my 401 decisions I made because of my business. I have had loss of friends that certainly— and if you think about these things and how they relate to you, that I, you know, you don't get an opportunity to say goodbye, or you left things in an ugly place and then all of a sudden they're gone, that type of thing. Then there's personal ones. Things that I didn't— things that, you know, weren't addressed and weren't confronted and weren't closed, that then kind of manifest themselves into, uh, things like drinking, into being promiscuous and not really kind of, you know, uh, honoring myself physically, uh, eating. And that could be overeating or undereating. And then think, you know, then project out, which I had done for a bit when it came to working out to the point of— I mean, I spent a few couple years working out almost 3 times a day, wanting to kind of change myself physically and thinking that it was going to change myself emotionally and mentally. Then there's, you know, those perceived opportunities, what we thought, you know, were great opportunities that— and in this case me— that I did or didn't make the right decision on. Now, I have to share with you as a result of sharing those things, I don't live in regret. And many of you might have, if you've listened to the program before, have heard this before. I don't have regrets. Uh, and I, I'll try to, as we go into this discussion, I'll try to explain to you how that feels and how that is, because I get challenged on it. And that's actually why I decided to have this conversation today, because with Lent and with, um, the past couple of weeks, I've gotten into these conversations and this subject about regret came up. And when I kind of threw out to this person— you know, that I don't— or actually it was 2 or 3 people— that I don't have regrets. And they just looked at me like I was arrogant, being arrogant about it, being vain, things that considering the people that they were— fortunately they weren't my closest of friends, but they were close enough to my circle, so to speak. And I was actually surprised that they didn't even know this about me. And there— so then I listed out kind of some things that could cause someone to think that I would regret those things. I don't regret any of the things that have happened to me. I look back and I look at those sexual assaults, I look at those business decisions, those loss of people that I didn't get to kind of have closure with, those dealings of overdrinking, oversexing. Overeating, overworking out. I don't look at those things as regrets. I don't wallow in them. I don't, um, I just don't regret them. I don't feel sad. I don't feel repentance. I don't, you know, what are the, you know, the parts of those definitions? I, I just see it as something— incidences, events, experiences, emotions that I had to go through to be the person I am today. Call it my— because of my faith, my, you know, spiritual beliefs, my values. I don't know. I just know that every one of those experiences, good, bad, absolutely horrific, hard, yet, you know, some joyful, some— I just don't carry a regret about them. I don't carry those definitions of regret toward any of those things because it has made me the person I am today. Who I will tell you right off the bat, just like I did around, you know, you, you know, not fully disclosing, uh, to you who I am at my core, um, it, you know, I am also still flawed. Every one of us are flawed in our own ways, and I don't regret that. I, I just accept that because I don't, you know, if I had perfection I still think that there's room to make mistakes and therefore to have failures and therefore to have missteps and, you know, lack of success and what people might deem as regrets. And I just won't spend time in that space because I feel that if I, if I do, then I won't take the risks and I won't do the things that I that I want to be doing. But that certainly, and we'll talk about this in a second, that certainly doesn't mean I don't have impacts. And so I wanted to talk about impacts. That one statement in that definition that I don't agree with, it says that regret, let me just go back to it for a second, it says the self-recrimination which comes with regret is thought to spur corrective action and adaptation. And I can only tell you from experiences through family, friends, clients, acquaintances, I find that to be absolutely wrong. Sure, do many people take action? Absolutely. I don't agree the fact that it spurs corrective action and adaptation, because it doesn't— regrets don't. They can often cause people to be paralyzed in their fear, in their insecurity, in their self-blame, in their self-loathing, in all those negatives, all those bitches that we talk about. It can absolutely create inaction. Can it spur corrective actions and adaptation? Absolutely. And I kind of almost want to go into Wikipedia and kind of, can it? Yes, it can. But it doesn't, it's not, you know, a straight line. It's not absolute because the impacts to many people are just the opposite. And I will say that there are things that have happened in my life that have caused inaction that have caused me to be stuck, obviously, that have caused me to also be paralyzed. So I'm not saying that because I don't live with regret that I don't deal with those impacts. I just don't see them as, as consequences to things that have happened to me. It's just a matter of identifying and figuring out what they are and moving forward. And of course, we're going to get into all of that. Now in an article I read, it was written by Emma Freud in The Guardian, it's the online The Guardian, she actually kind of also, I won't say defined it, but she added some context around her own thoughts on regret as deep sorrow about something you did or something you failed to do. Deep sorrow, that, that got kind of good, just got to me because that just makes me sad. I mean, obviously that's what sorrow is, but when I even read it, I just kind of, oh, it like my gut fell to the floor. I just kind of like was like, oh, that's such a heavy, heavy, heavy, you know, burden to carry around. Another reason why I just, you know, I really want to help you to kind of not because that just, oh, that just feels exhausting. So what I want to be doing is I want to be kind of jolting all of us to be thinking about what are the value or the benefits of your regrets? Honestly. Because if we're holding on to them, if you're holding on to them, if you're carrying them with you, If you're living in that sorrow, then there's obviously value and benefit it's giving to you. So we need to— what I'd like to help you with is to say, what are those values, the benefits? Now you might be looking, you know, kind of rolling your eyes and going, Bernadette, what the hell? I don't find my regrets valuable or beneficial. Well, obviously you do. So let's put some— let's get to know them. Let's put some context around that. Let's put some, um, self-awareness on them, because maybe that's what kind of jolts you to say to yourself, you know what, I want to get to the point where I don't give them power, as, as many will call it. And it is its power. When we are holding on to things and, you know, having them kind of either take up space or constrain us or to, you know, even cause us to be stuck, we are giving them power. And therefore, what can you do to recognize what the— what you consider valuable or beneficial? And let me give you some, some realities or some examples is a lot of people carry forward things that have happened to them, you know, while they were young, carry them forward while they're in, you know, even— I'm sorry, my medicine's kicking in— even from generations ago. You know, just think about it. What, you know, we know that there's religious, cultural, racial, political things that are carried forward through generations. And therefore there's, you know, value and benefit that those generations feel comes from it. And yet those values and benefits may actually be negative and not very beneficial because they're still carrying around a lot of burden as a result of them. And so we want to kind of give that value and benefit, not life in any way, shape, or form, but we want to give them names and we want to kind of give them reality and, and understanding and self-awareness. So then we can really determine whether or not we want to keep those values and benefits in our lives because they're not serving you real benefit and real value. All right, I hope that makes sense. So that's what we're going to talk about when we get back, but I want you to continue thinking about your 1 to 3 regrets and putting kind of some context around them. And when we get back, we'll dive into really looking at what you could be doing to bring these regrets forward and actually letting them go. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch Shutting the Bitch Radio and follow the program for all the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shutting the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking regrets today and how to let them go, and we had you thinking about your rich question being what are your 1 to 3 regrets? So as you're thinking about those, I also want you to be thinking about how they kind of make you feel, so to speak, because then, as we went into commercial, we were talking about, you know, what are the values and benefits of your regrets? And if you're kind of balking at that, just think about the fact that if you're holding on to regret, there has to be value and benefit you're finding. Maybe it's there they keep you, um, safe from the pain that would come if you were to really live in them, like live in that regret, live in those, and be very self-aware and, and, um, honest with yourself about it. Maybe it just, it makes it easier to deal with life. But think about your value and, and benefits of your regrets, why you haven't confronted them, why you haven't shed them. And be okay the fact that you're putting the term value and benefits to them because they're obviously serving you in some way, shape, or form, or you would be able to let them go. And that's okay. No one's judging. We just want to be— we just want to be honest with ourselves about them. Now, I did come across this quote from Fulton Ausler that again hit me in the gut. It was almost, you know, when I heard the acronym that I often share with you around fear being false evidence appearing real. Fear, false evidence appearing real. That just kind of hit me in the gut because I thought, shit, you know, if you think of any of the things that you are scared of, you know what, and then you live through them and you wake up the next morning going, oh, that wasn't as bad as it was. I thought it was going to be, or, oh, it actually worked out. You realize how true that is— false evidence appearing real. So this quote from Fulton Owsler is, we crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. Regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. What I really loved about that whole thing was we crucify ourselves between two thieves. Now, you know, being a writer and actually spending a lot of time recently with my script writing coach, we're talking about the power of words and coming up with really keywords to enrich storytelling. So when I read this, I— it just, again, it hit me in the gut. But that— it is, you know, kind of very powerful. Regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow are, are stealing— are stealing our lives, are stealing our present right now in this moment. And that's what we really want to get to, is how do we let yesterday go, stop thinking and worrying and predicting what's going to happen tomorrow, and just living right right now. And the question that I would have for you, beyond your rich question, is do you really want to live that way? Do you really want to live with the deep sorrow and the repentance of yesterday, and then with that false evidence appearing real that you're consuming yourself with about tomorrow, as opposed to really trying to figure out how do we live right now, right at this very moment? I was watching The View this morning So everything was all of a sudden coming together. So then I'm watching The View this morning— don't, you know, judge me— and Priyanka Chopra Jonas, you all know her, she was on there this morning. It's one thing that she's a beautiful woman from India with, you know, kind of that Indian Buddha type of spiritual nature, but she had a number of really key beliefs that she has, but the way that she put them were so poignant. And this one thing that she, you know, said very nonchalantly, also even to the, to the group there, held a lot of weight for them and for me. And she basically said, and I'm not quoting, but she basically said a key learning for her in life, especially recently, is around evolution. Evolution of individuals always growing and transforming. And she went on to say, we have to keep evolving or we'll be left behind.

Because—

and then, um, oh, what's her name? Uh, Joy Behar, I think her name is. She came on to say, or, or continue to say, it's absolutely true. I mean, the, the world's gonna, you know, the world continues to move and change and grow and evolve. And if we don't then where does that leave us as individuals? And I thought to myself, geez, you know, that's very simple but profound. And that's what regret also prevents us from doing, is evolving and growing and transforming. So it just really depends for you as to what it is that you want to do and how do you want to live and what choice do you want to make around whether or not You're going to live in the regret of yesterday, the fear of tomorrow, or, or do it right, you know, live right now. So here are some things I want to provide you to think about and consider in kind of getting your hands around your own regrets. And yes, I'm going to say things like I want you to list them out. Again, getting them out of your head, putting them in black and white brings a lot of logic to these discussions. And everything that we deal with when it comes to what goes on between our ears and then our heart has to get down to logic if we want to really change, transform, and shift. All right, but I first want you to start with yourself. I want you to forgive yourself for whatever it is you're holding on to, for whatever it is you're regretting, for whatever it is you feel sorrow or sadness or fear or insecurity about that has happened to you in the past, whether it was when you're young or whether it was yesterday. Just consider your— or I'm sorry, forgive yourself for feeling that way, because we all do at some point in time. And again, you know, like the adage always says, it's how we respond and react to it will depend on what we learn from it and how we grow from it, or whether or not we stay stuck from it. So simply forgive yourself. And then I want you to be thinking about almost like the 12-step program. And no, before anybody, you know, especially those that know me personally, get worried, I've never been through a 12-step program. I do not have any addiction problems. I have other problems, not addiction, but I've done, you know, kind of research on this over the years because it's very relatable. And there's Step 8 in the 12-step program talks about seeking forgiveness. And so apart from forgiving yourself, a lot of weight goes into you needing to possibly forgive other people in order for you to move on and move forward. So, so if you have to kind of make that list of situations, events, experiences, or circumstances, or lack of decisions, or the decisions you have made, make that list. If it's 2 lines, great. If it's 3 pages, all right, you have a place to start. And go through it and kind of decide— excuse me— what and whom you need to forgive. And then similar to what they talk about in that Step 8, uh, 12-step program— I'm sorry, but for the Step 8 of seeking forgiveness, uh, find that process for you that works to, to go through that. And if it is walking up to somebody and forgiving them, then that's what you do. And then you want to really look at your blessings and lessons. What have you learned from it? What have you gained from it? What experiences have you gained from it? Oh, that's what I want you to first forgive yourself, forgive other people if need be, forgive any circumstances, events that have happened to you. And ask yourself, how did you respond respond or react to that situation which created the regret?

Did—

now those of you listening live, real quick, you might get disconnected. If you're not listening live, then this doesn't pertain to you at all, and we will be splicing some things together, and then I'll have to look at what BlogTalk's doing to me right now. So then I want you to ask yourself, how did you respond or react to that situation which created the regret. Um, you know, I want you to really just get a good idea and a good feeling for whether or not, um, you know, you truly understand the impact that that regret has had on you emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, in all aspects of your world, uh, so to speak. All right. Um, excuse me. So I want you to be, um, considering that. Now, one thing I've always done for myself and, and with my, um, clients and friends— and I'm even— it's one of my— in my queue for one of my, um, next books. It's called Blessings and Lessons, um, because I truly believe everything that happens to us, um, every moment of every day are— bring both blessings and— blessings and lessons. And I want you to— so I want you to think about that. What blessings did this regret, or did this situation, experience, event have on me? And what lessons have I learned from it? Because keep in mind, again, uh, and the reason why I don't hold a lot of regret, or any regret, is I believe every situation, good, bad, and different, there's blessings that come out of it because it's made me who I am today. There's lessons that I've come— can learn from all of those things, and, um, that makes me a better, enriched, and transformed person, evolved person. So what are those blessings and lessons, um, that you can gain and garner out of those regrets that you've identified for yourself? And then one big thing that I found with myself, because I, you know, again, I do this regularly now— I didn't, I wish I did, you know, prior to 10 years ago, I wouldn't have been the bitch that I was, but that's not a regret, it's just the reality— that is also, is there a pattern that has been created in your world as a result of that experience or event? Or circumstance that, uh, you have that regret, uh, manifested from? Um, has a pattern kind of occurred as a result of it? I realized and was able to identify patterns in the intimate relationships that I had with men, the type of men that I attracted, the type of persons they were, the type of relationships, engagement, equality, communication that we had or didn't have. And I realized that there was a lot of patterns in my, in my world. So what patterns can you identify from those regrets that you're holding on to? And Now, and this is an area that you really have to dissect in because you might say, oh, I don't have a pattern, I don't have a type. But I'll just kind of say you might just have one. You might just realize that, yes, you know, as a result of things that have happened in your world, you've created these, these patterns of decision-making, these patterns of experiences, situations you put yourself in. Of decisions that you make, um, you know, in a number of ways. And just be honest. Again, no judgment at all. Um, then I want you to be really thinking about befriending that regret, being okay with it. All right, so that's happened to me. All right, so I've allowed it to do X, Y, and Z to me. All right, I'm still holding on to it. All right, and give it— maybe give it a picture, give it a name, kind of make it animated so it kind of looks silly. It's almost like that acronym of FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real. I mean, when you think about it, that's ludicrous. Fear is ludicrous, you know, when you think about it. Spending time wallowing or fearful of not opening up your mail or not answering the door, or not going out on that date, or not making that business decision, or taking on that client, or moving across the country because of whatever it's creating within you. Think about how ridiculous that is, because you've, you've overcome and experienced so many things in your world already, and they've worked out perfectly fine. Not to say they were easy, not to say they weren't painful, not to say say there, there wasn't sacrifice or compromise, but you're still breathing, you're still above ground, so you're still surviving. The question is, are you thriving? And that's really what we're, we're getting to. So befriend whatever that is. Befriend that, that regret. Befriend that fear, that insecurity, that doubt, that negativity, um, and, you know, animate it to make it kind of look powerless to you. And then go burn your bra, I call it. Go, you know, you know how, well, one, if you, you know, go to those, geez, my medicine is definitely kicking in. You go to a bonfire, you know, and all, and it's a drunken fest, or it's just a party, and all of a sudden the girls start getting loose and they start taking off their bras underneath their shirts and throw them in the bonfire. You know, you burn your bra. They did it in the '60s, the '70s. You know how women, when they break up with a guy and they want to get rid of all their, their personal effects, and they throw them in a trash can and, you know, they burn them, or they throw them outside, or they throw them in a dumpster and they burn them. You tear up all their love letters, throw them in a can and set it on fire. Do the same. In whatever way that you want to manifest that and be able to, you know, kind of get rid of and let go of that regret. Uh, do it in a positive way. I'm not looking for you to do it in a bottle of wine or, you know, whatnot. I want you to do it in a more celebratory, releasing, liberating way. Uh, and that's why Burn Your Bra is so relevant for me. And then I want you to change your perspectives around it. How do you perceive that regret? How do you perceive yourself? It's all about you. You have transformation and evolving. And the way you're going to let go of those bitches, those regrets, is changing your— the perception on you. And trust me when I say, as you go through this process and as you are learning about yourself, even before you're letting go of things, you're going to be changing the your perspective of yourself. You're going to be lifted up. You're going to be finding yourself more free and more happy and more evolved and more appreciative of, um, who you are and the things that you've gone through— good, bad, or indifferent. And you might find yourself at a place where you're not second-guessing. You're not, uh, living in fear, holding yourself back, or keeping yourself from really letting those things that have happened to you, um, control you, have power over you, keep you where you are today versus where you want to be. Because we want to let go of the past and not worry about the future. We want to be right here, right now. All right, makes sense? Because, you know, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be living in deep sorrow. I don't want to feel—

be—

that I'm crucifying myself between two thieves: the regret for yesterday and the fear tomorrow. I want you and myself and everyone to thrive, not just survive. I am so glad you hung out with us today, and if you want to, you can share your regrets on Facebook or Twitter on our Shedding the Bitch pages. And I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Take care, everybody.

Bye.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week. It's no secret that conserving energy can save your business money, but that's not the only benefit. Using the right energy efficient equipment can also have some other surprising advantages, and Georgia Power's Commercial Energy Efficiency Program can help show you how. Like how improvements to your heating and cooling system can lead to a more comfortable work environment, or LED lighting can make your store more inviting to customers. Just a few ways to take charge of your energy. Learn about programs and rebates today at GeorgiaPower.com/commercialsavings.