Release ShameGuilt for a Successful 2021 with Lois Hollis

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818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone, and welcome to Shitting the Bitch Radio. Yes indeed, I'm Bernadette Boas and I'm so excited that you're here today because we are going to have a fabulous conversation about releasing shame guilt for 2021 success. And trust me when I say this is definitely something a lot of us are dealing with right now. And our guest Lois Hollis is going to help us just let it all go. But before we get there, before we get there, I want to thank our new listeners and viewers. I am so grateful, um, to you for wherever you might find us, whether that's on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel, it might be on our Shedding the Bitch radio channel on BlogTalk and/or on any of the podcast streaming services like iTunes or Stitcher, and of course sheddingthebitch.com. So however you're finding us, I am so grateful you're providing feedback and topics. And if you have any recommendations of great guests like ours today, then we would love to hear it. You can always send those referrals, comments, or feedback to media relations at ball of fire media.com. All right. Because without you, without your ears and your eyes, our show wouldn't be growing as it is. And at the same time, we are just so passionate about serving you and providing you top of mind, top of mind topics that you are dealing with, whether it's in your, your career, your business, or your life. And we just appreciate that you, you're here, and we will, you know, welcome you to share and tell your friends and colleagues and whatnot about it. All right. And at the same time, it is our existing listeners and viewers and subscribers who are also helping to get the new eyes and ears the show. So thank you so much and continue doing what you're doing. You're rating us, you're commenting, you're giving us feedback, you're liking, you're subscribing. And again, you could do all of that on BlogTalkRadio, on iTunes, on Stitcher, on our YouTube, Shedding the Bits YouTube channel. So continue doing that. It provides us a great deal of information to how you want to be served and what we could be bringing you each and every week. All right. And And of course, I wanna thank our sponsor of today's episode, which is North Georgia Tax Solutions, Debbie Snelling and her team who are fabulous. They serve the entire country, not just Georgia, and they provide full-service financial and tax services to small to corporate-sized companies. So check her out at ngtaxsolutions.com and tell her I said hi. All right. So let's get into today's subject, shall we? Again, Releasing Shame Guilt for Your 2021 Success. And Lois Hollis, who's an RN, BSN, and REV, is a shame guilt educator, counselor, filmmaker, and she shifts our opinion on one of the most taboo subjects, which is shame and guilt, to live our lives successfully. She states that the standard definitions and solutions to shame and guilt are incorrect, and the reason why we all struggle with these two conditions. We do not need shame and guilt in our lives. Why shame and guilt is endemic in our culture, etc., is going to be what it is that you're going to all learn about. But I do want you to pay attention to some things you're going to be able to walk away with: why we carry unnecessary guilt and often shame, how to recognize, release, and avoid shame, guilt, Behaviors: Why Shame Guilt Is the Most Dangerous Influence on Our Mental, Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Health. And lastly, Shame and Guilt Are Common But Not Natural to Us. Now, for Lois and for those of you who are joining us for the first, second, or third time, um, we like to ground you— I like to ground you each and every week in a what I call a rich question. And these questions are relevant to the topic. So in case you joined and you're like, well, I'm not sure how this relates to me, I really I want you to kind of be grounded in considering how this, this, you know, discussion can provide you those tips and advice and maybe some tough love about something that you're dealing with in your life. So today's rich question for you to consider as we get into this conversation, and I welcome in Lois, is what is one thing you are holding on to and feeling shameful about? Ooh, you know, I started, you know, doing this myself, uh, in preparation for today, and a couple things came up. But what is that one thing for you that you're holding on to and feeling shameful about? Now I'm going to bring in Lois, and while I do, I'm going to, uh, introduce her formally. Um, but Lois Hollis, RN, BSN, REV, is a Shame Guild educator, counselor, and filmmaker, just like I mentioned. Today, Lois shifts our opinion on one of the most taboo subjects. Her 50 years experience in health, 15 years researching and counseling, will bring us new knowledge of these misunderstood conditions to release us from the shame-guilt struggle. No matter how we have been hurt, we have the opportunity to live with joy, success, and love. Shame and guilt are not ours to own. Or to give. So a warm welcome to Lois. How are you, Lois?

I'm wonderful, thank you so much. I, I love being on your show. Thank you.

Oh, you're so— you're so—

you're like a fireball.

Ball of fire, that's my biz. Um, that's so funny. Now, I— you're welcome to come on camera should you choose to, and if not, we're good just like this as well.

Oh, there you are. Hiya.

How are you?

I'm very good.

Very good. Good. And where are you coming in from?

North Carolina, Smoky Mountains.

Smoky Mountains, North Carolina. Must be chilly there right now.

Yes, just have a couple things on.

If you would have seen me like 3 minutes before getting on here, I'm like in a bathrobe, uh, just because I like to keep the door open for the dogs. So I'm always like snuggling up in my mother's bathrobe.

I have a couple wool socks on, so yeah, good.

Yes, I can imagine. Well, welcome, welcome, welcome. So before we get into all the stuff, and this is such a great conversation, but before we get into there, give us a little bit, bit of background about you and how you came to really focusing on this particular area of shame and guilt.

Well, thank you. I'm 77, so I'm going to condense. Big joke. Okay.

I—

looking back in my life, I can make more sense of it. But somehow I always knew what to do in a way. You know, it wasn't that I read a book or someone told me. I had an inner knowing, and I never realized that other people didn't have that as well because that was always with me. And I would know things and people would say, "Well, that's not— I can't find that information anyplace." And I would say, "Okay, but I know it's true." And I started the first kidney hemodialysis unit in the country in Pennsylvania and things of that nature. I mean, major uh, uh, findings and, and, and being put in places that would allow me to do things that weren't there yet. And I never really thought about it too much until I start doing this particular work, because people say what you say— how did you get here? And I went, I never really thought about it. Um, I had a very abusive childhood.. And that was my main focus because I had brain traumas and scoliosis and broken bones and dyslexia and errand. So there was many problems that I had, but somehow I was able to overcome that until, you know, the middle ages, you know, like 40 and 50 is like, if you don't do your homework, you're, you're going to not do well. And that's when I start looking more at my emotional structure, and I did the counseling thing and everything, and I was better. You know, I didn't want to commit suicide anymore, so I was better. Step up. But there was a missing piece. I wasn't really happy, and I knew that I could be. And people say, "Oh, you're doing so good. Don't worry about it." I'm going, "Eh, it's just not right. It's just not right." Until one day in a study group, someone said to me, "What do you do about shame?" And I went, hmm, I don't never thought about that one. I have a detective mind. So off to the library. Okay, no internet at that time. So I saw Braschelt's work and I went, you're right, it is a sickness of the soul. But like nobody else said anything. They just said, oh, it doesn't exist and don't worry about it. And I went, no, no, no, no, no, something's here. And then all of a sudden with that knowing that I have, I was getting more information. And then all of a sudden, one day— I was seeing clients as well before that because I had the inner personality structure, like talk to anger, talk to anxiety, that type of situation. And then I just incorporated the shame, guilt into it. And then all of a sudden, while doing clients and working with myself, I had the realization that Oh my goodness, I was the happiest person I've ever been. That's like 15 years ago. I was literally dancing. I, I did a lot of tap dancing in my life, and I, and I was singing, I don't have to be heard anymore, I don't have to be heard anymore, because I'm so super sensitive that I can be crushed so easily, um, as you know, most sensitive people are. But sensitivity is a gift. You just have to learn how to protect yourself, right? And I said, I don't have to go therapy for anxiety or depression or anger. I just have to get rid of shame and guilt. And I went, that's so easy. And it's the truth. And so I started with my counseling and people that have been in counseling for 10 years and 5, you know how that goes.

Yeah.

I spent 1 or 2 hours with them and they were like, we're good. We're good. I went, whoa, this is so— I was like dancing. And with my motivation of health, I said, I just have to tell everybody, you know, why would you not want to know this? Yeah, my mind says to me, right? And I started about 10 years ago talking because I can like to talk.

Welcome to the club.

Press the button. Anyway, so, "Oh no, Lois, we don't talk about shame. Oh, definitely not guilt. We never talk about those things. Can you talk about joy and happiness and peace?" I said, "Of course I can." But that ain't going to get you anywhere. I mean, you'll feel good for the day, but you're not going to really feel good for the week or the month or the year. So they said, "You just have to change your title." don't be a shame guilt educator. Oh my goodness, people will run away from you. And they did. Most people said shame and guilt doesn't exist.

Right.

And I went, okay. So the pandemic came and everybody goes, oh, I'm lonely, I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I feel guilty. So now people are saying, can you please talk to us about shame and guilt? And I'm going, I'm so glad I lived long enough to see this time.

Right.

Well, and I think there's a day for everything, right? There's just— there's a day for everything. And quite honestly, you know, I talk shedding the bitch, right? And trust me when I say women would get up out of the, you know, audience and leave the room because they just couldn't face it. That's, you know, they just didn't want to kind of look in the mirror.

Exactly. So you understand where I was coming from.

Absolutely.

And I did not give up.

Yeah, good for you. Good for you. Because like I said, you know, there's always a day for everything, and your day came. And like you said, you know, it's fabulous that it's here and you have an opportunity to, to share your expertise. There's two things that I just want to point out of what you said that just kind of like almost— one brought me, almost brought me to tears. But then two, I think, I hope everyone heard it that's, that's listening or watching. And that is, well, you almost brought me to tears when you talked about the fact that you developed the first kidney dialysis. Because I— it's a long story, but I had an experience with my next-door neighbor who was like my mother, and she spent many years on a kidney dialysis machine that was like the size of the wall in my, in my house. And so I, you know, that you brought me right back to when I was 9 years old and, you know, in that room with her. So bless you for that. Bless you for that. And then I love— and then for everyone, you know, I hope you heard it. And she had mentioned like 40 and, you know, above, do your homework. I, you know, and I, that's the, you know, I didn't want to let that go because that is so profound, is simple but profound. You have to do your homework on you. And I just love that. But we'll get into all of that. Okay, so we know how you got here. And how and why is your approach different than how others in the wellness industry are handling it? And/or, like you said, are they?

Exactly. Okay, for the ones that want to know that shame guilt does exist, come to the Front Room. Yeah. Okay. Why is this different? Because I have more of a spiritual approach, but the approach comes from another place. It wasn't that I went to school for this. I had a near-death experience in childhood and so forth, so I've always been connected, but I didn't even know that's why I'm connected. So long story short, I know things before they are there. And that's just a gift. And that's just a given.

A beautiful gift.

That's just the way it is.

Beautiful gift.

That's a whole story. Anyway, so we know that love energy comes into us. We feel love, we feel blessed, we cry, we sing, you know, it's love. And what comes from love? Joy, happiness, Dancing, success, all those happy, wonderful things. Then we have another energy that comes in, an energy. It's called shame guilt. I call it shame guilt, not shame and guilt, shame guilt. And that's a whole nother story. Shame guilt is a negative energy. It's like a computer virus. What happens to your computer when you get a virus in it of some sort? Ah, the Microsoft Word doesn't work, the internet's on, and then it's all kind of crazy. It gets— sometimes it works, and I don't need to go into detail. I'm not tech savvy. Shame, guilt is an energy that enters us physically, mental, emotionally, spiritual, hits all of our being. And changes it. It changes our compassion to depression. It changes our intuition— intuition to anxiety. Changes our passion to anger. So that's why I was singing and dancing, because it's like I don't have to piecemeal it. I don't have to go to therapy and do work. And not that therapy is wrong, it's just that you can't do it for 10, 20 years. There's something missing, right? And if people would— of course you have to deal with your anger and you can do anger management. I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm saying to really heal, you have to just attend the shame-guilt energy that's fueling the depression, fueling the anger. So that's why my talk is different. Shame guilt does not belong to us. It's an outside energy. It's a computer virus. That's another story for another time.

Well, wouldn't you also say— is it fair to say, is it fair to say shame guilt is also yesterday and we should be putting yesterday behind us and, you know, kind of releasing, you know, anything that we, you know, that, that we took from it. You know, of course you don't want to release the joy and all the good things you talked about, but we can't do anything about yesterday. So, you know, kind of is your message to release that, that shame, guilt, you know, just to kind of even free up your, your heart and your head to welcome in good stuff?

Exactly. But you just can't say, oh, I get rid of all my shame. Never say my, excuse me, never own shame guilt. See, I slipped and I've been doing this for 15 years. Okay, the culture has taught us to shame guilt ourselves, and it isn't that it's from your mother or your father or your grandmother or the school teacher. You can't blame them for your failings. You can only blame the energy of shame guilt that got to them and caused them to do things. Right. But so I'm not saying you don't have to do your homework, but I want people to take something from today and just know shame guilt energy does not belong to the human race. It is an outside force energy. That disrupts us. With that in mind, you go, oh, I can put it over there. We're not killing, we're not getting rid of it yet because that's a whole different process. Just the mindset that it doesn't belong to you. You do not— we do not need shame, guilt to make us a better person. Yeah, we don't need guilt. We do not need guilt because you can never get rid of guilt unless you get rid of the shame that's fueling it.

True, right. Okay, I get that.

Okay, so people say, I— yes, you have to deal with the shame that's fueling the guilt. And that's why people say, I can get rid of my guilt. Well, you're not going to get rid of it until you get rid of the shame. And you can't just say, oh, shame, go away. You actually have to find it to get rid of it. Shame has only one problem: it dissolves in detection.

Dissolves in detection.

Okay, pretty cool. And that's, that's what happens. It's like The Wizard of Oz, you know how Toto opened the curtain and saw the little, little man with a big, big horn? Nothing to be afraid of. So that's shame's cover. It's so big and it causes so many problems, right?

So when you say dissolve, dissolve from detection, is that what it is?

Yes.

Basically you're saying that once you acknowledge it, see it, find it, and then you can let it go.

Yes, it will go with your permission. You know what I'm saying? You, right, you have to participate in it. So it's a facet, and it's not that difficult to learn. It's just like you said, the guts to do it.

Yep. I got— well, I have to admit that I can't give myself credit to say I have the guts to do it. I was kind of forced from the, from the God above. Um, yeah, when I, when I started on my own shedding journey, it was because the fact that I came face to face with this ugly person that I was. And it literally physically dropped me to the floor, the ground out at the park. And I was just suffocating in shame and guilt. And yet, fortunately, dissolve to detect. So fortunately, I detected it. And I kind of said, okay, no, I can't, you know, hang on to this. And I did let it go. You know, but and the rest of that is a long story. But I love that. Dissolve to detection. No, dissolve from detection.

In detection.

In detect. Dissolve in detection. Okay, got it, got it. Everybody get that? Everybody get that? Dissolve in detection. Okay, love that. I love that.

Well, it's true. We love truth, right? Well, love truth.

Yes. Now when you say we love truth, your spirit loves truth, because a lot of people don't necessarily love truth. That's why they're very comfortable where they are, because they don't want to kind of come face to face with—

okay, what I have to say is humanity is evolving. We're all on a treadmill that does not have an off button.

Feels like—

so they're going to— that's going to happen eventually anyway. So it's like, okay, I, I— this is my opinion, this is where I am, and we'll see in 5 years, and it's okay. Yeah, it's just okay. Yeah, I mean, everybody has an internal clock, right? Where they, you know, like you, it just fell to the ground. You know, everyone has their own way, their own timing. Nothing's ever forced. We can only do what we— where we are, what we're doing now, and that's it. It's God's timing, right?

But wouldn't you— I mean, but I'm struggling here. And, uh, okay, so in case our listeners or viewers are too, oh, you know, I would have to say that there are people that go to their grave and they have not, you know, they, they never got to that point. Um, and so, you know, what can, what can someone do if, if they're, you know, even kind of having a little rumbling of an idea of, you know what, I do need to kind of face my demons and my, you know, shame guilt. Are there questions?

Never say my shame guilt.

Oh, true, true. Okay. If I, you know, so they can face—

I know—

the shame guilt. Are there, are there questions, or are there questions, or are there things that they could be doing in order to help them kind of—

Yes, most definitely. There's definitely Just the thought, shame, guilt doesn't belong to me. I don't have to deal with it. I mean, I do, but I don't. It's just, it's like a boil or a big knot on your arm. I'll get this fixed. It's just, it's not of me. The problem with people with the shame guilt— we all have it, okay? It's cultural and it's used against us to conform to whatever people want us to do. Point of interest, if anyone's interested, South Africa was taken down to the nth degree. As we all know, they're coming up now. But it was taken down with the shame-guilt energy. There are studies done, I can give them to you, that universities have used to make their particular program more successful. Shame and guilt is used wisely on us to conform to their rules.

Sure. Yeah, well, and I think as your parents did, as your teacher did, Well, I think this past couple of years has proven that that could be done quite easily.

Okay.

Yeah, but so what are those questions, or what are those things that people could be doing?

They can right now say, oh, I don't know if I totally agree with Lois, and I can understand that because I'm doing something different, but can you entertain it? Right. Suppose I'm correct. Ah. What a great thing that is. I'm going to try it. Shame, guilt doesn't belong to me. I have it. It affects my emotions, affects my physical health. And I love, love what you said, from cobwebs to clarity. The cobwebs are shame, guilt. Okay, so I went, duh, she's got it. So that's what shame, guilt creates the cobwebs. So just put that on the side and then think to yourself, okay, what do I feel? Oh, I just feel sad. I just feel depressed. I feel angry. Okay, say, hi, anger, how are you? Start writing. You know, there's— excuse me— there's programs on that. This isn't something new. But it's like, talk to your emotions. I said I start talking to me instead of talking to other people because I got much more by talking. Hi, anger, how are you? Some people say, well, I don't have emotions. I just have, I don't like my mother. Okay. Hi, I don't like my mother. What can you tell me?

Yeah.

So it's right along your lines. So if we could just shift that and don't deal with it, That's like the next stage. But first we have to get out of it, and I'm giving you a reason to get out of it.

Yeah, because it's not yours.

It's not humanity's.

Not humanity's. It's not humanity's. So is there a— now maybe it's not in this stage, um, of what it is that we're talking about, but is there a, um, kind of an inventory Like what I did was I took an inventory of why, you know, when I was on the ground and I was feeling so shameful and so guilty about how I treated people and what, you know, kind of person I had become. I kind of had to go back and take an inventory in order to then kind of find those places and experiences and encounters that created that shame and guilt. Shame, guilt, shame, guilt. Is there— is that part of the process?

Exactly. In, in, um, in different ways. Everybody has a different way.

Sure.

What I'm saying is that everyone can incorporate the shame guilt into their therapies. It's just like, I'm not saying nothing's good, I'm just saying that, hey, can you put this in your therapies because it will help out. I use the method of, hi, anger, how are you? Anger then tells you what happened when you're 6 years old. And I have a DVD on YouTube and also my website that has 20 minutes of me talking to myself in that matter. I have little kids as anger and depression, and the inner critic is the main star, right? That's awesome. The inner critic is— you make friends with the inner critic. We don't get rid of him. We make friends with the inner critic because he is part of us or she is part of us.

Right. Love that. Love that.

Friends. Friends. And it doesn't start out that way because they go, get away, lady. We don't want to talk to you. You're stupid. You're stupid. You just don't know anything. I had to take— anyway, watch my DVD and I'll explain. It has the inner critic in its glory as a teenager, an obnoxious teenager.

Okay, so since you mentioned that, okay, so your website is loishollis.com, everybody. loishollis.com. What is your YouTube channel?

Um, I— that is— it's, uh, Lois. I can put that in the thing. It's Lois Hollis, and, um, it's the YouTube. It's I Have Had Shame Guilt, but that's canceled, so It's Lois Hollis.

Okay, all right. And that's where they can also find a YouTube video.

Video. But also you can just go to YouTube, type in Out of Discord into Harmony.

Out of Discord into Harmony. Okay, we'll post that.

And it's also on my website. Okay, but the best way would be either the website under Soul Speaks or the YouTube, either way.

Okay, so let's get into this inner critic. I like that. So the inner critic— so the inner critic and its role in shame guilt.

Okay, you're an expert. What do you do when you want something done? Did you go to the employees or the guy that's the founder or the CEO? You go to the CEO. You don't mess around, right? Yeah, yeah, you go up. Okay, shame guilt is the, uh, the inner critic is the shame guilt producer inside of you. Okay, that's his job.

Okay.

Has 100% of you and his best interest. So how does he protect you? Don't do this, don't do that. Oh, you know, you failed last time and you're probably going to fail again, so be safe, don't do anything. And that's his job. So why are we angry with this guy when he's trying to protect us? That is his job. He was taught by your religion or no religion, it doesn't matter. Your school doesn't matter where you went or homeschooled, it doesn't matter. Your law enforcement, your community, your culture, it doesn't matter if you're in India or Pakistan or London or United States. Shame, guilt is endemic.

Sure, sure, absolutely.

That doesn't make it normal. People say, oh, it's normal. No, it is not normal.

Where is it not normal?

It's not normal because it's an outside energy put upon us, right?

But has there, like, you know how they say that there's certain countries, especially in like the Swedish, you know, region, that are like, you know, 99% of the people there kind of go off the charts when it comes to being happy and joyful. So is there like, is there a community, a country or something where, you know, you know, there's evidence, not evidence, but that, that it's proof that it's not normal?

Yes, in my book. You know how you write a book and you forget where everything is?

Oh, sure.

Name of the book?

What's the name of the book?

Emotional revolution equals evolution.

Awesome. Emotional revolution equals evolution. Evolution.

And that's what we're doing now.

Yep, yep, sure we are.

Okay, so there are some indigenous tribes and tribal societies that would make—

that would make sense.

It would, um Aborigines and Senoia, S-E-N-O-I, and Uguana. I have researched them and have interesting things to say about that, that they have no words for shame, guilt.

Nice.

It's not given to them. It's not— what are you talking about? They can't understand us.

Right.

When we talk about shame, guilt, like, why would— yeah, exactly. So it's very good, interesting research. I don't have it all in my book, but someone who wants to do it, they can research and go, wow, yeah, it is really— and that's a great— you know, I've been doing podcasts now for a while. No one's ever asked that question. You are a very bright lady.

Okay, that's what my job That's what my job is. Yeah, that's what my job is. Um, okay, so your book, because I don't have any information on it, um, where can they get that?

On my website. Okay, loishollis.com.

Hold that up again if you would.

Sure.

Let's make sure people see it. And for those listening, you, um, let's see, Emotional Revolution to Evolution, uh, and go to loishollis.com. All right. Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Um, all right, now you talk about how to— how you trailblaze shame and guilt to be its own study.

Yes.

Now, is this— you trailblaze the whole research and subject on shame and guilt? Share with us.

Many people have been involved in it, and, and thank you for that, because I don't want to be the lone voice out there. But I am the only one that's making it, you know, like a study. Like, this is like— this has to be a topic. This is not something, ah, a little add-on. No, this has like— people are now saying multiple sclerosis. Now we have that as a disease and this is what we do about it. This is the supplements you can take. This is the outcome. These are the people. It has its own study.

Right.

So I'm inviting people to do this as its own study. Yeah, because it's so important. It drives the whole of us.

I, you know, I have to admit, Lois, um, I can't, I can't agree with you more, even for my own practice, uh, because I talk about so many things when it comes to empowering yourself. And I even talk about, you know, I call them bitches, your fears, insecurities, negativities, and whatnot. I don't really necessarily pull out, and yet I went through it myself and didn't think about until this conversation. And yet, you know, I don't pull out shame, guilt in this whole thing. So you can guarantee I'm on the bandwagon with you in trying to make this more relevant and current and conscious.

Conscious.

Conscious. Yep. Yep. That's awesome.

Okay. Why do I say shame guilt and not shame and guilt? I'm the only one that does that.

I know. I almost thought it was a miss— like, like a misprint.

Yeah, she's goofed. She messed up. Um, may I say why?

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay. Shame— I'm a nurse. Okay. I've been in the health field 50 years. So like, chomp. And I have 4 doctors in the family. So like, okay, I'm in the medical field. Okay. Okay. So shame comes from the unconscious mind. That's sleep time or daydreaming or something like that. Guilt comes from the conscious mind. And you can kind of, yeah, yeah, that's right.

That makes sense.

That makes sense. Yeah. So, in the medical world, and forgive me for the doctors listening because I'm very simplifying it, but I need to be quick, okay? If I have a bacteria in my heart, they call it carditis. If I have the same bacteria in my liver, I call it hepatitis. If I have the same bacteria in my brain, they call it encephalitis. Okay, there's variations on the theme here, and that has a different— bacteria can have a different mutation, but essentially it's a bacterial infection in your heart, a bacterial infection in your liver, bacterial, you know, so forth and so on. Yep. They give different names to the same problem, but because it's in a different organ. So I'm saying to you, the reason they call shame shame, because it's in the conscious— unconscious mind, and guilt guilt, because it's in the conscious, but it's the same thing.

Fascinating. Fascinating. And that was a great analogy, very simplified, for us, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And forgive me, the doctors, and it's okay.

I know it's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. Okay.

But now that really, really changes the dynamic. Why? Because no, what's out there now, 90%— there's some people say we need guilt to be moral. I'm saying, can you please evolve and say I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do, not because I feel guilty? So that's my answer. I love it. Shame and shame, guilt. People say never, never do shame. Shame's bad. It's reflection on not good enough. It's not good. But guilt, yeah, we can use guilt. Guilt is a good thing and we can use it and it's okay. But shame, no. And I'm saying the whole thing is no good.

Right. Right. No, it's not.

So people say— this is where people can get confused. And a takeaway, takeaway too: shame, guilt doesn't belong to you. Shame, guilt is the same energy. You can have a healthy poison.

So true.

So true. I can't say it any other way.

That's awesome. All right, so now I really, I, I, you know, I want to address, even though people listening and watching might be like, well, I kind of know that, but what are the issues that people, you know, most often, uh, feel guilty or shame about?

They, they did something wrong, made a mistake It depends on your sensitivity. Some people like, ah, so what, whatever, they deserved it. You know, other people that are very sensitive— and we're getting more sensitive because we're evolving— they take it to heart and it goes right in. I'm no good. Yeah, you're right, I'm no good. I don't think that I should be alive.

That's the—

that's what causes suicide. And I've been there. I remember feeling that the world would be better without me.

Uh, it's heartbreaking.

I know, I know. And that's when I called my therapist. Thank God I had someone to call. But I— it taught me the level that shame guilt can take you, even if you're an accomplished person. If you're pretty, you're smart, you have kids. That's— I've talked to several suicidal podcasts, and I really want to get that out, that that's where shame, guilt wins.

Oh gosh, that brings up a lot of emotions for me. Um, I've never been there. I can't even contemplate, you know, I can't even go— Yeah, yeah, I know, but I'm just saying that I can feel it for those that do. And yeah, yeah, yeah.

So where was I? Oh, shame, guilt behaviors. Mainly it's the guilt. So again, don't talk to the guilt. Don't go down the spiral where I went because I didn't know any better. I just was taken into the water. You know how a wave takes you? It just takes you. I'm saying, okay, now I know better. That doesn't belong to me. I don't understand it, but all I know is that doesn't belong to me. Can I work on— I don't feel happy, I'm depressed. Okay, I can work on depression. Yeah, if I can do anything today, I can share that.

Yep, yep, yeah, that's, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. Now I want to mention it for everyone, um, I want you to go to loishollis.com. She has a free ebook 500 Questions, One Answer, last 20 email segments. Okay, you have to explain. Oh wait, 500 Questions, One Answer.

Answer. Okay, so I was told, Lois, don't give people the 500 questions. The answers are going to blow them away. So I, I separated into different segments, 25 questions and answers. And then next week you'll get 25 more and 25 more. And it'll last— I wanted to— wanted to show is that it's not an ebook. Flash in the pan. Yeah, I have— I receive lots of questions from people, and I put in 500 questions with answers to show you that there are 500 different ways that shame guilt can affect you.

Wow.

Wow, it is. So if someone really wants to understand what I'm doing, just sign— and you sign up for the newsletter, you have to, to get the segments, right? So just sign up for the ebook, right? You'll learn so much.

Well, and it's— I mean, it's great that they can learn about you, but actually do the homework, you know. They could be learning about themselves.

Exactly.

Yeah, through the questions and answers you provide.

And since shame guilt is so individual, you know, your interpretation is mine and my— everybody's different. 500 Ways, you got 500 different ways that You'll fit into one of those categories, right? Guarantee you.

Absolutely. That's fabulous. I love it. Um, you can also on lois-hollis.com, you can sign up for a free 15-minute talk with her. Yeah, so take a look for that. And then, um, and in that, um, wait, there's free answer to an emotional problem with newsletter. Can you—

yeah, they can, they can, they could write to me and say, I have this problem with my grandmother, what do you think? Or whatever. Oh God, I can't answer it. Yeah, like I answer the 500 questions and they'll understand once they go through the newsletter, right, segments, right? So freaking so boring.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Now at the same time, loishollis.com, um, of course on LinkedIn it's Lois Hollis, excuse me, and on Facebook it's Lois A. Hollis.

If you—

I have two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you want to connect with her on Facebook, and I suggest that you do, um, but also look for her book Look for her, you know, look for this 500 Questions, uh, look into what it is that she's doing. This whole subject on shame, guilt, uh, can be life transforming for you. Um, so definitely take advantage and take advantage of the 15-minute talk with her. Uh, obviously, you know, we've had a great conversation here and, uh, she has a wealth of information and knowledge and help and support that she can provide you even in 15 minutes. So Lois, thank you so much. This has been—

can I say one thing?

Absolutely.

Okay, I am producing a movie. It's in production now. It's called I'm Good, and I'm making shame guilt visible.

Wow, that's fabulous! Well, when's it due?

Um, it probably will be out in about 2 months.

Fabulous.

And I'm starting a community Facebook page for people to express themselves and also about the film. So if you sign up for the newsletter, I'll give you the time that it's, um, going to be active and you can participate in it.

Um, so, um, and at the same time, be sure to go to sheddingthebitch.com, Lois, and oh yes, share it there and make sure that we're, you know, connecting. And feel free to kind of post um, up until then, um, in regards to it. I'd love to help get it promoted and get it out there for everybody.

I love your work. Thank you.

Oh, thank you, thank you. I love your work. It's all about you. But, uh, thank you so much, Lois. I so appreciate it. Thank you for everybody who's listening and watching. And, uh, come back, uh, for another episode every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. And, um, Again, reach out to us, follow us, subscribe to us, rate us on any of the, um, streaming services, on YouTube, and at sheddingthebitch.com. But thank you, Lois, and take care, everybody. Thank you very, very much. Talk to you soon.

Bye. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift Your Bitches to Riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.