RICH Tips - Confront your Shadows so you can Create RICHES!

Welcome everyone to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where we dialogue, debate, and discuss the angst, attitudes, and negative mindsets that might be holding you back from pursuing the goals and the dreams that you have in life. And we call those things bitches, those things that are junk in your head, maybe some in your heart, that are preventing you from feeling fearlessly pursuing those things that you want out of life. And I'm Bernadette Boas, your hostess, and I'm here to be a sounding board for you and to help in any way I can to get you to, to kind of shed those walls and break down those barriers and really confront those demons or those voices, or what we're going to talk about a bit today, what I call shadows, and about one of those things that maybe since childhood, maybe something in, in grade school or high school or even in adulthood, kind of caused you to really put up your guards, lash out, take on attitudes and attributes that aren't very pretty and basically are more— are doing more damage to yourself than it it is to anybody else around you. So that's what we do here on the show every Tuesday at noon. And if you either listen or watch this radio show, since I do videotape it, um, on BlogTalkRadio, you can also find the archives on the— our website, sheddingthebitch.com. We'd also love for you to call in at 1-818-572-2910. You can even chat live with us at blogtalkradio/sheddingthebitch.com, and we'd love for you to join in, ask questions, share your story, even go to sheddingthebitch.com and submit a story to us and allow your story to help other people as well. So we have a lot to discuss today, and hopefully I'll hear from you as well. Again, let me give you that number. It's 1-818-572-2910. And I apologize right now if I feel— sound a little stuffy. The allergies here in Atlanta, Georgia are killing me at the moment, but I am grateful for the sunshine and I'm grateful for spring. So I'll leave it at that. But what I wanted to talk about today, because I want to lead it up to some guests that I'm gonna have on beginning next week, and we're gonna start next week with Scott Goodnight. And the reason why I bring Scott on initially is the reason why, and the topic I want to discuss today being around shadows. Scott Goodnight has a program, an empowerment program called Mental Maps, and I'll let him go into more detail about it next week. But I met Scott 5 or 6 months ago through another friend of mine, Doug Grady, who has a business called High Achievers Network. You can check it out at highachieversnetwork.com. And I met Scott through Doug, and I was really impressed by the focus and determination and accountability Doug suddenly had around his fitness goals and objectives. And I found out it was through Scott. So, wanting to partner with other people around empowerment and around getting rid of angst attitudes and negative mindsets so you can achieve whatever it is in life you want to. I thought it would behoove me to check out Scott's program, Mental Maps. So I did and went to his program. It was an all-day affair, which quite honestly wasn't enough. You didn't even feel like you were there for 7 or 8 hours. And what he really works with you on is recognizing those what I call bitches that are in your life that are creating a lot of angst and attitude for yourself, or creating a lot of insecurity or fear, which is huge, or just overall belief systems that aren't working for you. They're mainly working against you. And what he wants you to do is kind of face them and then work to break them down, and in my vernacular, shed them, so you can then you know, pursue the goals and the dreams you have. And I was very, very impressed with his program, and I spoke about it several weeks ago when we spoke on this, uh, on the show around consequences and rewards. It's— it was his program where I heard that for the first time and really focused on not only setting rewards for yourself, which I always do when it comes to goal setting, but also setting those consequences. And without going back and having that discussion again, you can always check it out in the archives on blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. But it was his program that really started me paying attention to these, what he calls shadows in my life. And what they basically are, some of you might call them the voices or the little devil on your shoulder, or just those nagging belief systems that you have of yourself as a result of some sort of minor or major tragedy or situation or encounter that you had throughout your life. And in the— over the last several weeks in working with him, he really has you face them head-on, uh, to the point of becoming very uncomfortable, becoming very unsure of yourself, breaking down in tears, as I seem to be doing a lot, a lot through this journey and transformation that I've been on this last few years. But he's really trying to help you understand that those little shadows that you have in your life, though in a lot of ways they can work against you, they can also be there to kind of protect you and to keep you at arms, or at least aware of certain situations, people, or encounters that you might have in your life. So he— a few weeks ago, he had me face my fears or apprehensions, I guess, or hesitations for really going after and really pursuing the big. And you know, if Many of you know me over the several weeks, or maybe you've known me for years, but I always tend to have some really big goals, as I'm sure you have. And he kind of made me face what was holding me back from confronting those. Was it a fear of success, a fear of failure, a fear of change, a fear of, um, rejection? There's so many things that really hold us back. And I'd love to hear from you what might be, what might be your fear, what might be holding you back in really going after what it is you want in life. And again, I'm going to remind you of the phone call. It's 1-818-572-2910. So Scott ran the group through a process, and I'll use myself as an example. He first had us lay out what our goal was. And so on an index card— actually, I should have had them with me— on an index card, he had us lay out our goal. And this is mine, and it happens to do with raising capital for my business. But anyway, so he had us write out the goal, and then on the back of it, he wanted us to write the impact that it would have on ourselves or anyone else around us, or on the world, if we were to achieve that goal. And mine had everything from, you know, I could change the world, I can make one person's life better, I could be financially secure, and a number of other items. He then brought out these planks of wood and he put the planks of wood in each of our hands. And I would say the planks of wood were anywhere from an inch maybe to an inch and a quarter thick, but definitely a plank of wood. And what he wanted us to do there was write out on this plank of wood what were those shadows, what were those voices, those devils, whatever you call them, that were holding us back and kind of preventing us from really going after that that goal or that dream as completely as we need to. Um, oh, I'm sorry, Diana had joined and a few other people, so I got, I got a little distracted. Hi everybody! So anyway, so Scott had us write on a plank of wood, uh, what kind of demons, what kind of shadows were holding us back from pursuing those goals. And I was amazed Many of you who might know me, getting to know me, you know, I really am a very positive, confident, strong-willed, and maybe it's been, you know, over the last several years that I've really been focusing on, you know, improving myself and empowering myself. But I was amazed at just the number of lines I was able to write out as to what was kind of holding me back from asking for this money for my business. And basically, you know, my goal is I need to go out and find investors. Okay, so what was holding me back? And I'll be honest with you, I wish— I'm glad I don't have the plank of wood with me because it was all that negativity on that plank of wood made me really freak out. But what, you know, I'll give you an idea. It was, you know, fear of rejection, someone saying no, someone not believing in my dream as I did, people ridiculing me that I won't be able to accomplish this this goal and dream of mine. It was not wanting people to think that I was asking for a loan. What if I lost their money through this investment opportunity? You know, what if the business didn't get off the ground? You know, and it went— and it actually went on, which really shocked me. So then Scott had us get up and he had us kind of face those, those shadows. Now again, I have to remind you, shadows can work for you, but they can also work against you. So a lot of those were working against me. The fact that I was having those, those mindsets and those, those feelings and emotions were definitely holding me back. At the same time though, they could work for you. They could protect you against bad decisions. They can make you think more deeply about the decisions you're making or the actions you're taking or the people you're engaging with. So shadows is not meant to be a negative thing. Neither are voices. Devils maybe, but neither are voices. So I really took a hard look at these shadows that I wrote out on this plank of wood. And what was interesting, and I really hate to give away all of Scott's secrets to his workshops and programs. Again, his program is Mental Maps, and he'll be on the call, he'll be on the radio show next week, so please join us next Tuesday at noon. Or check him out at ScottGoodnight.com. I think you can find it at MentalMaps.com. He has a number of very, very effective websites. Anyway, so he then, you know, got us each up in front of the room. And he, you know, had us kind of face these devils. Well, what I'm not telling you, and I'm gonna throw myself under the bus and actually admit this to you, but from the moment he had us start writing these goals out and then these impacts that it would have on our life, and then he had us writing out these shadows on our planks of wood, I'm in tears, okay? I just kind of broke down in tears because I was finally gonna face all of this ugliness and this negativity that I had in my head. And I knew it didn't belong there, and I knew that, you know, if I really looked at it honestly, those things really weren't as bad as they seem. Have you ever had that? They're just not as bad as you see. And is this a paranormal show? Alter Ego's asking. Well, I could turn it into one, I guess. But so I all of a sudden, you know, was in tears. And I don't know, you know, if you really ever faced your demons in the mirror, you know, no matter how small they are or no matter how big they are, no matter if they're just about kind of a fear of rejection, or they're about an addiction or some sort of compulsion that you have. It's a scary thing. It's, it's a scary thing. And that's why I'm here to kind of share my story and use my story to help you kind of face your— face your shadows, face your demons, your devils, so you can move forward. Because I'll tell you what, I've been doing this over the last several, several years, really looking at myself in the mirror and asking myself some hard questions about who I am, what I am, where I'm going, where I've been, what I want to be, who I have been, you know, who I've loved, who I've hurt, all those, you know, life questions. And it is quite, quite— I don't know what you might want to call it. It could be empowering, it can be gut-wrenching, it could be heartbreaking, it could be exhilarating. It's, it's everything. It's every emotion. You definitely get your emotion meter turned up several, several notches. So going back to the board, so he then had each of us get up and face the board. And I went, I think it was like third, because I just had to get it done. Because I'm sitting there, really, I'm sitting there sobbing in front of a whole group of people as I'm looking and addressing and thinking about my board. So I get up and I said, okay, you know, and they run you through a series of questions. So, you know, what is your goal? Why is it that important to you? And again, I'm, you know, I'm sobbing. I'm like, it's so important to me. It's my life passion. I found my calling over the last few years of helping people kind of live their life as full as it can be because I wasn't for so long, and now that I am, I want everybody else to experience the same kind of exhilaration for life as I do. And so he said, you know, they were like, great, so what's holding you back? Basically, he wanted to— he wanted us to read off the board. Well, I didn't want to read off the board because first of all, I don't know if you ever have anything that's really noisy, maybe Maybe you see bookshelves in your room and you're in a bad mood, or you're tired, or you're sick, and it just seems very noisy. Or it's your desk and it's so cluttered that it creates so much noise and distraction for you. Well, that's what this board was doing with all this negativity on it. It was just really pounding against my head and my heart, and I just wanted it to go away. So he said, well, great, there's one way for you to let it go away. Actually, an assistant of his, Stephanie, was leading this process, but Scott was in the background for support. So what he basically did was he said, okay, so we're gonna lay your goal on the ground, and then this board is now kind of sitting on top of these cylinders on top of the goal. And he said, you know, now these negative thoughts and mindsets and beliefs and shadows are between you and you achieving your goal. Is that true? And I said, absolutely. And so then he runs you through this practice of how you're gonna break this board, you know, because you're gonna break it in half with just your palm of your hand. And I don't know if you've ever seen that done. I didn't doubt that I could do it, but I certainly was not looking to break my wrist. So, you know, it's like I was watching the few people before me, but by the time I got up there and I talked through and I heard myself like voice out these negative thoughts about, you know, fear of asking, fear of getting no, fear of people not loving me, fear of somebody, you know, thinking my idea was stupid, blah blah. When I really heard myself and I saw it on this plank of wood, I really suddenly in an instant realized how how silly those things were, how unimportant it was what other people thought, what other people said. If they said no, you know, that was their, that was their, you know, option to say no. I move on to the next person. You know, it's— some people are gonna laugh at me, some people have already laughed at me, some people have, you know, ridiculed my my going out on my own and taking these challenges and risks that I have and doing stand-up comedy as I have, and you name it. And I'm sure you guys can relate to this too. You have to be able to relate to the fact that somebody's laughed at you, joked with you, you know, had something, you know, ridiculed you for really wanting to go after your goals and your dreams. And To be quite honest with you, you know, it's happened to me my whole life, and I don't know why all of a sudden I was, you know, realizing that it's going to continue to happen, and therefore what I just need to do is own and believe in what I'm doing and understand that other people just aren't going to necessarily believe in it themselves, and therefore move on and not take it personally. So I sat there, I watched the previous people break the board, so to speak, and Stephanie was setting me up to practice. My little 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And I think it was like on stroke 2, I just went, oh, and split this board in half. And it was the most freeing, liberating, and, uh, uh, just energizing experience breaking through that, that, uh, inch and a half, inch and a quarter maybe plank of wood that had— but it wasn't the plank of wood, it was breaking through all of that noise and all of that negativity that that board represented. So that was pretty wild. Excuse me, I'm getting distracted. Let me see. Alter Ego has a lot to say. Is this a paranormal show? Because I've never had a shadow prevent me or help me with anything. Thanks, Alter Ego. So I just want to emphasize for you that if you are like Alter Ego and you've never had anything prevent you or help you with anything— which, Alter Ego, I'd love to challenge you on that— but if you're so lucky that you don't have anything holding you back or preventing you from really going after what you what you want in life. I would then ask you, alter ego— I'm getting distracted a little bit, but I'm going to ask you, alter ego, if not, then what brought you to the call? I'd love to know. So I know you're chatting as opposed to calling in. You can always call in too at 818-572-2910. But since you're on the chat room, if it's not shadows or it's not a need to shed your own bitches of any kind. I'd love to hear what brought you onto the show. So anyway, getting back to the subject at hand, so I had over the last, I would say, several months gone back to the book I wrote. I've spoken about it before, Shedding the Corporate Bitch, because that's really where my whole transformation over the last 4 years have been taking place and why I kind of got to where I am today and trying to help other people really confront the same kind of demons that I've realized that I've had holding me back and kind of really just wreaking havoc on my mind, spirit, and body. But what I have done is my book had just gotten in my hands last week while I was out in Vegas, so it was the first time in a while that I had looked at it. And I kind of went back to even some of the, the questions that I faced myself, you know, faced in the mirror and really needed to ask myself and be honest about and be very transparent about as it pertained to, um, as it pertained to the transformation that I was going through. And, you know, on page 215, for instance, you know, I asked myself certain questions like, "What specific things, emotions, or situations caused me to really lash out and build up a lot of angst and attitudes and negativity in my life?" Because I had a pretty average, simple, uncomplicated life, and then I just allowed it to become more dramatic and more worked up than it ever needed to be. I asked myself, "Would I have been just as or even more successful in business and in my life had I not created this bitch of a persona as a result? And I honestly had to say that, you know, obviously I would have. And there's a long story behind that that we can get into on another show. But did I lose my career-long mentor because of the way I was and because the bitch I had consumed? And I I would say absolutely. I would say there was some give and take in that, but eventually I will have to tell you that, you know, just like you might experience the fact that if something's holding you back, it, it's going to eventually catch up with you. Either you're not going to achieve what you want to achieve in your professional or personal life, you're not going to accomplish those goals or dreams that you have, it's gonna turn people away from you as it did me, and it's going to cause a lot of internal strife with yourself. If it's not physically, as it did me as well, it will also emotionally, personally, and spiritually. So let me check back at Diana. She's talking about the programming that lurks in your subconscious. Appreciation wins over self-promotion every time. You may gain from spreading love rather than what you are spreading. Thanks, Diana. And it's true. I mean, we really want to, and I'd love to help you identify if you kind of haven't faced the mirror, so to speak. You know, are there some, you know, some little devils lurking into your subconscious, as Diana says? That's a great way of saying it, Diana. And, you know, do you understand where they're coming from? Because I certainly didn't. I spent a lot of time while I was writing my book to kind of really understand what was causing me, what originally caused me to lash out and become very demeaning and demanding and curt and aggressive, more so than a typical ambitious assertive woman or man would be. I definitely copped an attitude and built up a superiority complex that no person deserves to be confronted with. And I didn't even deserve to take it on, but I did. And now it's just a matter of kind of taking ownership for it and recognizing it and trying to rid myself of those type of demons, so to speak, in order for me to pursue and achieve what it is that I want to achieve. So I would just kind of advocate to you to recognize or pay attention to what those shadows may be. And again, they work for you as much as they work against you. So I'm not saying you, you need to get rid of them, but what I'm saying is to at least pay attention to them, recognize where they're coming from, and then you can kind of— especially if you put it down on paper, which I highly, highly advocate is to get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper, because I will guarantee you that if you saw it written out and you saw what it is that's holding you back from living the way you want to live, being the person you want to be, you're gonna kind of look at it and go, how silly is that? How silly is it of me to, to really be kind of holding back and going after what I want as a result of, you know, some of the fears or negative thought processes that you might have about a situation or about a person. So I, so I welcome you to just think through what, what it is that you might be dealing with, no matter how big or how small, and own it. And be aware of it, and because then you can address it and confront it and do away with it. And/or you might be able to enhance it if it's, if it's on the, you know, positive and working for you side. But recognize that shadows aren't only a negative. They also are there to protect you as well and to keep you kind of aware of what it might be lurking out there, as Diana said, in your subconscious so you can kind of move to the positive side and move to the, to the more fearlessness side as opposed to fearful or negative. So I just challenge you to keep that in mind and to kind of ask yourselves the hard questions and to become aware of what it is that might be always stirring in your head. I know sometimes it's hard for us to turn it off. So we're coming to a close, but what I want to remind you of is over the next several weeks and in the coming months, I am going to have some great guests. Next week will be Scott Goodnight of Mental Maps. Feel free to check them out now at ScottGoodnight.com. Excuse me. And then following that will be Jewel Daniels, the Tenacious Woman. She also has a radio show you can check out. It's Tenacious Woman on Blog Talk Radio as well. And then Judy Hoberman will talk to us about selling in a skirt. But over the next several weeks, we have some really great programs, so I ask you to check in at sheddingthebitch.com. Please share your stories and, please share your stories and, you know, stay in touch at sheddingthebitch.com, and I'll see you here next Tuesday at noon, or you can watch me on the video as it gets deployed following each of the radio shows. So thank you very much for joining us, and we will talk very soon. Thanks, Diana, Patty, and even Alter Ego out there. Thanks for the great dialogue. Talk to you soon, everybody.