RICH Tips - Use your Skills, Talents and Accomplishments, not your Bitches!

And this is Shedding the Bitch Radio, and it is Tuesday at noon Eastern time. And thank you for joining us. Shedding the Bitch is where we discuss, debate, and dialogue about the angst, attitudes, and negative mindsets that you might have within yourself, or that you might experience in your life or in your business, and providing you tips and advice and some really some tough love on occasion about how you can discover and confront those bitches, and then how you can shed that angst attitude and negative mindsets so you can create and accelerate the life that you want, whether it's around your family, your career, your finances, your relationships, your health, your spirituality, or any aspect of your life. And again, my name is Bernadette Boas and I am the creator of The Bitch. And it basically has stemmed from my 20-25 years of living with a lot of angst and attitudes and pretty much putting it out there, blaming the world for everything and not taking the accountability for it until this last few years. And now I'm dedicated and determined to helping individuals like yourself to kind of take hold of what is ailing you or what is getting the better of you and provide you some tips and advice on how to overcome it. Over the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about pretty much shedding the corporate bitch, the business bitch, however you want to look at it. And that actually is where this whole concept came to be. It's a result of the book that I wrote, Shedding the Corporate Bitch, and it's my story of how I am taking accountability for what I put out there in the world, both professionally and personally, and what it did not only to the people that I was confronted or was confronted with me, but more importantly, what did it do to myself and my spirit and my mind and my emotion— emotional state. So we want to talk about kind of how do you deal with those, with those bitches, so to speak, and what can you do to shed yourself of them so you could be realizing the dreams that you want in life. Last week we talked about some tips and techniques for dealing with difficult situations or people or conversations in the workplace or in your personal life, and we talked about how You don't want to necessarily attack or react in a situation. You want to more so prepare, even if it's one of those situations where you are in the grocery store standing behind somebody who's giving you a hard time, or the cashier a hard time, or just being nasty. How do you deal with that situation? And even though you might not have a lot of time to prepare, you certainly don't want to just attack that individual and And then we talked about how you don't— certainly don't want to avoid it, especially if it's something that you have to deal with on a day-in, day-out basis. You don't want to avoid the situation. You don't want to avoid confronting it because, in my opinion, silence is acceptance or silence is approval. And therefore, if they have any indication that you are allowing them to treat you the way that they are treating you, then pretty much you might as well just, you know, throw up your hands and accept it because you not confronting it and dealing with it is just their ticket to continue that behavior. And then we talked about how you don't want to draw conclusions about what is provoking that issue or situation or conversation. You want to more so ask a question. And actually, the best way to get somebody off guard— and this goes for you too. I mean, if you think about it, if you're in a bad mood or in a bad state, and what took you off, kind of off guard? And it's probably the fact that someone asked you a question or threw it back at you as a question, like, why are you in such a bad mood? Or did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Are you PMSing, women out there? But the best way to disarm a situation is to ask questions so you have a better understanding of what the situation is. And then we talked about the fact that you don't want to be a teller, or you don't want to be the, let's see, the disciplinarian, or, you know, the person throwing it back at the other individual. You really want to engage them in a conversation to help you and help them come up with a solution, come up with a way out that is best for everyone all around. So, we talked a lot about those type of tips and those types of things that you can do when you're dealing with an external type of bitchy situation. And what I want to talk about today is how do you deal with those internal bitchy situations, meaning those little voices in your head that might be causing you to lash out or causing you to have some angst and attitude about yourself, which then interprets itself into lashing out on other people. So a few of the things that I know I find myself in, and I'm gonna have to use a situation even as of this morning that I've been dealing with, and maybe you can relate. Because as much as I work very hard nowadays to kind of live a mantra of 'it is what it is,' I have to kind of give up control of things that I just can't control, or I have to just be a little bit more patient and understanding that not everything's gonna happen the way I want it to happen. And trust me, as hard as I'm working to get rid of all my angst and attitude and negative mindsets and those, you know, those voices in my head that calls me to have those little nagging devils, you know, telling me that I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy enough or not deserving enough, on occasion I can't maintain that positivity. I can't maintain that logic. I had an old boss that used to tell me I was way too logical because I expected people just to do what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it. And yet so many situations and circumstances don't allow that to happen. So getting back to this morning, as many of you know, if you're listening to this or following me on Twitter or Facebook, you will know that I've written a book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. And again, it's my story of my transformation and the journey over the last few years. And basically this morning I am being told that a number of events and activities and investments that I've made for the next 30 to 45 days greatly depending on having the book in my hand is not going to happen. I'm not going to have the book in my hand, and therefore video shoots that I have next week and business trips that I have the following week in Vegas and some business meetings toward the end of the month will go bookless. And to say that I wasn't and haven't been very upset and developing and building up a lot of angst in my heart and in my soul, I would be lying. As you know, as late as this morning, I kind of had to just leave my office and go for a walk and take some deep breaths because I felt it all building up. And I thought to myself, well, I could either really lash out on these individuals, which some of the communications that we've had over the last couple weeks, they might consider them to be bitchy of sorts. And yet what I even kind of came to grips with even this morning is they're not bitchy, they're not filled with angst or attitude. What they are is filled with frustration and uncertainty as to whether or not this group is going to be able to deliver what, what I'm expecting them to be able to deliver on. And as logical and as inquisitive as I can be, I'm just not getting that in return. The communication channel on my end is open, and yet I feel it's closed on the other end. And so, I'm trying to use actually my skills and my talents as opposed to my lashing out or my getting angry or full of attitude. And that's what a lot of the learnings and the teachings of Shedding the Corporate Bitch are about. We don't have to, whether we're male or female, we don't have to lash out and put on a persona of a bitch in order to get what we want. Regardless of what many people think, what many people say, we can actually use our skills of communication, of listening, of creating a dialogue, of collaborating, of working to influence or working to lead a situation, not control, mind you, but lead a situation as opposed to force it, and as opposed to lashing out in regards to it or getting full with anger and frustration. Granted, I was breathing a lot, very deeply this morning, because I am, I'm very frustrated and I'm very disappointed and I'm very unsure as to whether this project as a whole are gonna turn out the way it needs to turn out and the way I expected it to turn out. And I'm gonna have faith that it does, and I am going to do my damnedest to make sure that it does. But what I really needed to think about, and I thought would be very appropriate for today's discussion, is the fact that I realized that I had to start really using my skills and my talents as opposed to my attitude. And really open up more the flow of communication and conversation and dialogue and really use my influential— influencing skills to get them to understand that I have some goals and objectives in mind. And granted, they know it, I've communicated it, but yet maybe they don't understand the real importance of it or the priority of it. And so I need to kind of sit back and readdress how that's being dealt with and how that's being interpreted and understood on their part. So if you are available to talk at 1-818-572-2910, I would love you to join in on this conversation as to what would you do when you're— or what do you do when you're dealt with kind of very confrontational, disappointing, lack of trust, or simply maybe things aren't going your way and you're just extremely angst, angst about it. Maybe you have some ideas and some, some suggestions for me. I'm gonna take a look at our chat room right now and see if anybody wants to partake. You can also join us on BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch. That's where you can find us every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. And join in on the chat room or call directly in at 818-572-2910. And keep in mind too, these conversations go on before, during, and after. You can always go to sheddingthebitch.com and join us in our blog. On our homepage and leave any type of comments or ideas. You can even tell us your story. There's a Submit a Story tab that would allow you to share your story and maybe your situation and, and what did you do to overcome it. But when I think about how I need to kind of readdress the situation to date, I'm thinking about those, those skills and talents that I have. So the communication piece, and this goes with any of these trying, trying situations in, in dealing with maybe some internal fights that you have with yourself. And we'll get back to that as far as this communication and listening and influencing. You can actually have a huge impact on your own self, leveraging your own skills and talents as much as you can have an impact on external or third-party type of situations. So there's communication, there's absolutely the whole listening. So did you ever kind of have this gut feeling or this intuition come up, come over you or you are having that internal dialogue and conversation with yourself, and there is some internal churning of a response of some sort. Well, you— that's listening. That's kind of working on your ability to listen to those, those churnings, those rumbles in your stomach, the butterflies, whatever the case might be. Externally, It would be whether it's in writing, which the majority, if not all, of the dialogue with this particular project has been. Not by choice, mind you. But it's, you know, you can also listen to what's being said in writing. And I know a lot of people have a lot of angst themselves over just the the challenging situation of, or challenging communication vehicle of email or texting. And I do too, but I'm a guilty party as well when it's midnight or 5 o'clock in the morning and it's much easier to shoot off an email about something than a phone call, then I do. And so I'm guilty of it as well, but Words can tell a lot. Words can tell a lot. And in today's environment, you can't necessarily always be on the phone or in front of someone, so you have to also be able to be a good listener through words. And then there's the kind of the skill and the talent around how good of a questioner or interviewer are you. So a good part of conversation or collaboration, dialogue and listening is then asking some really pointed, good questions that will provide some more clarity for you and provide some understanding and provide maybe some compassion. Not knowing— we talked last week about not knowing really where the other person's coming from as they don't know where you might be coming from when a when a difficult conversation or encounter occurs. A lot of it also has to do with really asking some real good pointed questions to yourself. You can do that to yourself, like, why am I feeling this way? Why am I not believing in myself? Why don't I think I can do it? And at the same time, you could be translating that to the third party that you're also maybe confronted with. Or needing to be confronted with. So there's a good skill that we all need to learn around not only the communication, collaborating, dialoguing, and listening, but also interviewing, if you want to call it that, or questioning, and creating a dialogue between, between yourself and the other party. Uh, and then of course there is trying to come up with a strategy or solution to whatever situation that you might be confronted with. And that more than anything is probably one that most people struggle with, is whether it's for themselves or whether it is dealing with a peer or coworker or friend or a manager. Is not only collaborating with them and dialoguing about the situation and listening really well to make sure that there's complete understanding, but then a lot of times people will just kind of turn around and walk away without any solution or without any follow-up or closure to that situation. I mean, think about it, ladies. When it comes to a breakup with a guy or guys, when it comes to a breakup with a woman, you know, how often is that breakup left without closure, without a really good dialogue or without a good even confrontation about the situation other than maybe very emotional yelling and screaming and people slamming the door and saying, "I never want to see you again." So, to be— to have a very productive, very empowered, very strong mindset and therefore heart and soul, we really need to work hard on not only addressing or confronting a situation but also asking a lot of good questions, listening, and collaborating in order to find a solution. And work toward a solution and set your mind and your objective and your goal around that confrontation to find a solution that both of you may or may not be thrilled with, but you're satisfied with. So when you walk away, you don't build up any angst or attitude or regret around that situation. You've confronted it, you've dealt with it, you have a solution to it. And both parties can walk away feeling at least satisfied that you made an attempt to deal with it, even if it didn't kind of end the way or resolve itself the way that you specifically wanted it to. But that problem-solving or that solution-development skill is one that all of us can use a great deal of mastery at, because it could solve a lot of the situations that we run into, whether it's at home with your spouse, with your kids, with your neighbor, let alone at work or out with your friends or in any type of situation, social situation, out in that big world of ours. So, that would be another, another skill. The other thing that I really wanted to talk about is how well do we as individuals really focus on not only those skills individually but collectively. And I kind of lump them all under our ability to socialize with one another. I mean, a number of us will always hear that kids nowadays, you know, their heads are down in their BlackBerry or their iPod or their iPad and their video games, and they are texting in a language that many of us may or may not understand, and we're losing, they're saying, We're losing the ability to socialize and engage and collaborate with one another. And if that's the case, then we could be in deep trouble because once that kind of breaks down, so do all these other traits or skills or talents, uh, will disappear and break down. And therefore a lot more conflict and confrontation will occur, um, whether it's in our own little worlds, whether it's in our workspace, or whether it's in the world as a whole. And that would not be a pretty picture if all of a sudden we stopped talking and dialoguing and collaborating. And I know for myself, turning on the TV anymore and listening to either the news or reality television shows, or in some cases even just talk shows in the morning or afternoon, all anyone is doing nowadays is arguing and fighting and debating. Yelling and screaming and, you know, and literally physically fighting with one another. And it's just absolutely depressing and stressing to the point where I personally can't even, can't even deal with it because it's just— it gets me so worked up. And the only thing that I'm left with is a lot of angst and attitude and negative mindset. Everything that we're trying as a as a world to get rid of. People are just throwing it at us regularly, nonstop, day in and day out, in the media and in the newspapers we're reading, the television we're watching, the radio shows we're listening to, and the workplace, and the workplace. And it seeps into our families and our personal lives as well. So, we need to individually, each one of us can do a much better job in taking on the responsibility to at least get ourselves trained and skilled and ramped up to be able to deal with situations both personally and externally that will result in a more productive, more happy, and more content life. Because I think You know, that's all, that's what we're all striving for. Wouldn't you agree? Not to be on my soapbox, but at the same time, I think I'm trying to talk myself through what I was dealing with this morning, quite honestly, and trying to really kind of get myself in my own head around the, the fact that I have to, I have to change in order to make the other parties change when it comes to the situation. And therefore, I got to find ways to communicate and dialogue and influence and negotiate and strategize on, on a possible outcome that will be just beneficial to everybody. And if I could— if I can do that, then I at least will be will be content and satisfied with whatever outcome comes about. Because if I just sit back and avoid it, or just confront it in such a nasty, negative, bitchy way, then no one wins, and especially myself. And this is my— this book is my passion in my life, so I need to make sure that it works for me, but yet it's a win-win for everybody all around. So I can make the best of it, make the most of it, and not lose control or give up control to a third party or to somebody else. So let me take a look at the chat room. People are sitting there, but no one wants to seem to chat. I'd like you to think about what, what you would do, or what are those three kind of 3 tips or ideas that you might have. Maybe, you know, it's how you've, you handle stress in your life as well when it comes to dealing with difficult situations, conversations, or people. And share it with us. Go to ShittingTheBitch.com and, you know, share your story. There's a number of blog postings out there around this topic. You can even pull down, and there will be another free ebook out there over the next like I would say day or two that will help also with a number of these tips and advice and kind of tools that you might be able to use for yourself. You can go out to sheddingthebitch.com and look for various downloadable workbooks and articles that might be of use to you when it comes to this subject. In the meantime, stay tuned and check in on Tuesdays at noon and join us for future Shedding the Bitch radio shows. I intend to have some guests join us to provide you some insights and some, some good downhearted advice and tips and dialogue that you can join in on that will help you Shed all that angst and attitude and negative mindsets that you might be dealing with and find the life and find the riches that you want because you and I and everybody, we all deserve it. And life goes too fast not to take advantage of it. And at the same time, check me out on Facebook under Bernadette Boas or Shedding the Bitch. Also on Twitter. You can find me, you know, obviously at the website, here on BlogTalkRadio. You can find me on YouTube where these radio shows are also videotaped, and you can find some additional resources and tools there that you might be able to find useful as you work towards shedding your bitch. But this is Bernadette Boas for Shedding the Bitch Radio, and join us next Tuesday at noon, and I'll look forward to talking with you. Have a great day, everyone. Thank you very much for joining. Thank you for using BlogTalkRadio. Goodbye.