Shed the Bitch Radio Addresses Confronting Difficult People and SItuations!!

Well, happy Tuesday everyone and welcome to Shitting the Bitch Radio. This is Bernadette Boas. Ah, I don't know about you, but coming back from a vacation is tough. I— if you were on the call last week or you watched it in the archives, whether you listened to it or saw it, the video, I I was on a beach vacation with my family up in Ocean City, New Jersey, and I'll tell you what, it was a much-needed one indeed. And fortunately, I did get a lot of time to just hang out with the family and check in on the work situation every once in a while. But I really needed that downtime, and I needed to kind of shed all the— all the— not pressure, but more so just the workload and just the heaviness and the craziness and the busyness. That has been my life for over the last, uh, probably 4 or 5 months since my last little time off at Christmas time. So I hope all of you had a fabulous weekend and a fabulous week. It was fun to sit and chat with my sisters and my niece and my mother last week. And if you haven't checked it out, we talked girl power last week on the show, and I would welcome you to go and listen to the archive or watch the video. As it was simply to kind of help any of us, men or women, working or not working, sisters or just friends, business peers or colleagues, to really understand the value and the importance of kind of forming a club, so to speak, or be part of a mastermind, or have a mentor or several mentors or coaches. I sometimes feel like I'm overcoached, or at least coached to my max. But it's always, always good to have those type of people in your corner and in your life in order for you to be able to leverage their expertise as well as just overall their support, their trust, their confidence, and so on. So, take a listen to that. It was a lot of fun to do, and I don't get an opportunity to bring my family into the fold, so to speak, on a regular occasion, so it was a unique opportunity to just kind of have them participate in what is my life. But anyway, thank you for joining and feel free to chat with us live at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. And remember the phone number, it's 818-572-2910. I would love to hear from you, I would love to take your questions, take your input, take whatever it is that you would like to chat about and talk about. As it pertains to shedding those angst and attitudes, those negative mindsets, what I call bitches. Those are all those things that I call bitches. And really kind of finding those ways that you can incorporate into your life the happiness and contentment and the riches that, you know, you deserve and you can achieve. But with all of those things kind of rumbling around in your head, or in your heart or in your gut that's preventing you from really pursuing and going after what it is that you're really passionate about or what you really aspire to be in life. I wanna help with that. I wanna provide you experts and provide you resources and tools and other advice and tips that I can in order for you to live that rich, rich life. But today, apart from bringing you up to date on my vacation and, and the little excitement that we had during that beach vacation, I did want to talk about how people deal with confronting difficult people, situations, or even themselves that could sabotage what it is that they're trying to, to do professionally or personally. So for example, this was very kind of interesting and strange at the same time. I was sitting at the airport on Sunday at Philadelphia's airport and I got there real early. We tend to leave the beach at about 1:00 and yet I'll make airplane reservations anywhere from 4:00 PM to 7:00 hoping that I can get an early flight. And of course I couldn't because everybody comes to Atlanta, or at least through Atlanta from Philadelphia in most cases, especially if you're flying Delta. And so I had quite a number of hours to kind of just hang out and catch up on some reading or just simply try to get my head around the fact that I was leaving the beautiful oceanside beach home and view that we had for about 8 days, and I was having to come back to reality. And I know we all experience it even when it comes to Monday mornings, but it's that much harder, it seems, when it comes to whether it's a long weekend vacation or a week or 2 weeks. It's just hard to get your head around the idea of coming back to reality, but we all must. And I made an attempt while I was sitting there at the airport to, to do the same. And I just so happened to have one of my books out on the bar counter. I was actually— had 2 or 3 books in my briefcase and my notepad where I was during the week just kind of thinking through the things that I needed to do when I got back, and I would make a note of them. So then on Sundays, I typically spend the time to either in the afternoon or at night getting my week organized and planned out and, and structured. So that's what I decided to do. And as I did, I took out what was the belongings in my, in my briefcase, and one of them was my book. And of course, any of you who are regular listeners know I— the book that I've written is Shedding the Corporate Bit. And it has a nice catchy not only title but book cover. So it was sitting there and I was chatting it up with the young lady who was bartending and she made a comment that, you know, hey, that book looks really cute and interesting. And I just kind of nodded, didn't say anything. And then this gentleman sitting next to me kind of was definitely making it obvious that he was paying attention to the book sitting on the counter. And as soon as I was done eating, he kind of just turned to me and he was like laughing and said, you know, "Can I ask you, are you enjoying that book?" Well, I might be a good spin marketer or a good PR person, I'm learning to be at least, but yet I'm not a good liar, thank God. But I'm also, I'm not, as much as I might like to talk, I'm not really good at tooting my own horn. I kind of avoided telling him initially that I had written the book, and I just basically said, "Yes, it's a very entertaining book, and yet everybody has their own opinions." And then I found myself, like, making excuses for my own book. So I simply said, "Yes." I said, "As a matter of fact, it is a good book if it pertains to what it is that, you know, you're looking for." And he said, "Well, it's interesting that you should be sitting next to me reading that type of book because I just left." my business, or the company that I worked for, for 6 years, and I was the top-producing salesman. And when I turned in my resignation, I wasn't let go, I turned in my resignation, the company was floored. It's not a large company, he said, so rumor, rumor got around pretty quick that he was leaving. And he went on to explain that when they came to ask him why he was leaving, he too couldn't kind of hide behind the real reason, and he basically had to tell the HR person, I think he said the CEO, and then eventually the— his direct manager who was the cause for him leaving, that it was because she was such a nasty person to him. And that's being nice. But— and he went on to explain that she just didn't appreciate anything that he did and/or his team did, that she was on a regular basis condescending and curt and defensive and unsupportive and pretty much overall negative. He said, so I, you know, I would love to find a book or a resource to send her to hopefully send a message. And so I then revealed that I was the author of the book, and which, you know, he got a big kick out of. And he said, well, why did you write the book? So I went on to explain that the way he described his ex-boss was the exact same way and behavior and attitude and mindset that I had had for a very long time. And openly admitting that I too was that type of boss that he was running away from. And he was ultimately giving up a 6-year career that he really liked from an overall industry perspective, but just couldn't deal with the environment any longer. So, I found it kind of interesting and strange because he was like, "Well, I wish you had another copy because I'd buy it immediately and send it to her." And of course, I mean, I'm an author, right? And a relatively new one. So of course I had books in my, in my briefcase. So I pulled one out and he asked me to inscribe it to her, but not indicating who was going to be sending it to her. And, uh, he was, he was relieved to, uh, to realize that he was on a business trip, headed out on a business trip, and he'd be able to mail it from that location so it would not give it her any indication as to who sent it to her. I have a feeling that she's going to I have a feeling that she's going to simply because of the dialogue he had had with her. So in regards to the conversation for today's show about confronting your own fears, angst, or attitudes that you might have, but also confronting people that are provoking some of your mindsets and attitudes and fears— bitchy people, nasty people, negative people do a lot of hurt to themselves and to the other people. And where there might be a strong, confident mindset of an individual, like he admitted he was, bitches or nasty people can do a really good job at wreaking havoc on that confidence and that self-esteem. And so I asked him, I said, what did you land up really kind of confronting her about when it came to your leaving? And he said he asked her, are you prepared for me to be honest with you and upfront with you? 'Cause I think it would serve you well to know. And she acknowledged yes, and he continued to say, "Are you sure?" Because the one thing that he and I talked about was a lot of individuals, men and women, who are very aggressive, who are considered and perceived as nasty and curt and defensive, they often don't realize they are. They often don't realize and perceive it as such when it comes to the other. People that they come in contact with, they often— like I even did, and Carl, that's his name, um, Carl, who I was speaking with at the terminal bar— he was explaining that she too didn't necessarily see herself as that. She actually was proud of being compared to like the character in Devil's Wear Prada and whatnot, and it's almost like a badge of honor for her. And I was the same way. I I kind of got off on intimidating other people. I even got off on the idea that I might intimidate, and that even pertained to men in my personal life, which, you know, no wonder that, you know, my life's been pretty much single for a good many years because of that attitude and that mindset. And so he went on to explain that, yes, she found it as a badge of honor and as a rite of passage, so to speak, the higher level that she was. She just thought she was kind of deserving or earned the right to be that person, and she was quite proud of it. But he did say that he, he did confront her, and he did have it planned out. Because the one thing that I talk about a lot when it comes to confronting, um, even, even your own fears and attitudes and egos and feelings of superiority or whatever the case might be— but more importantly, when you're confronting other people in either conflict or just ongoing nastiness like this individual, obviously, you need to be prepared. You need to plan it out as to how you're gonna confront it and how you're going to approach it and what attitude you yourself are gonna bring to it. Because your attitude and the way you approach it will be the deciding factor as to how you not that other person necessarily, but you walk away from a bad or stressful or difficult situation. And just as an FYI, I'll be talking a lot more about this on a webinar that I'm having at 1 o'clock, and you can always go to sheddingthebitch.com and look up the information to register for that event. And if you're listening to this in archive, then you can always go back and also listen in archive or watch in archive that webinar by simply going to sheddingthebitch.com/programs, and you'll find the archived recordings and videos following the calls, normally in about 24 hours after the calls. Those are made available. But anyway, getting back to Carl and his situation. So, He said that he did indeed plan and lay out what he was going to do and what— how he was going to approach his ex-boss. And so I kind of just asked him for some ideas of how, how that might go. And he basically said that he wanted to not only make her aware of how she is being perceived by her employees, but also team members by managers, by peers, and even the superiors, because obviously she wasn't the CEO. She might be at— she might have been at the VP level. I quite honestly forgot to ask him. And so he said that he, you know, basically upfront told her of her kind of personality, perceived personality, and the way she was treating him. And the reason why he was leaving was he didn't deserve that type of an environment to work in, especially as a top producer. I mean, he was, according to him, the number one sales producer in the company, and he certainly didn't deserve, in his mind, which is true, the idea of having to, you know, get up every morning and work really, really hard for someone who's not going to appreciate it at all and just the opposite, really kind of pull him down or push him down even further in a in a manner of, you know, breaking his spirit, so to speak. And there's one thing for a manager to be like, you know, because it's very common, especially in corporate, to say, oh well, you know, good for you, and what are you going to do for me today? I mean, that's a very common understanding in business, and especially if you're in a sales role. Yes, it's great that you closed that deal, but what are you going to do for me today? Yet this wasn't that situation, and I can attest for him and defend him in that. Most likely she just never even acknowledged anything that he brought to the table, let alone kind of boosted him up and motivated him and kind of inspired him to even work that much harder or, you know, do another really great deal like he had already closed. So that's unfortunate, and yet at the same time, I guess for me, It was a fortunate one because here I did feed him or did provide him, you know, some tips and advice and acknowledgement of how he handled and approached her. And even though he was leaving that company, he had already had another job. He was actually already on the job. I guess yesterday would have been his first day. He was flying out of town to start his new job. He still wanted to kind of receive some validation or some advice or tips as to how he handled it and whether or not there was anything more he could have done or should have done, so forth and so on. And, you know, I did tell him he'd worked with her, I guess, for about 2 years of the 6 years that he was at the company. And, you know, obviously the sooner you can address it with someone, the better. But, you know, again, it's not an easy thing. And like I said, we'll talk about that more at the 1 o'clock time period. But, you know, if you're out there and you're listening or you're on the chat, I'd love to hear from you as to kind of what are those situations that, that you deal with that you have a hard time kind of coming to grips with as to how you handle it. A lot of us just put up with it. I basically acknowledge that my company probably put up with my attitude and my approach to business for 12 or 13 years, and that was only the last company I'd worked with, let alone the other 2. Yeah, other 2 that I've worked with in my career. And they probably tolerated it and put up with it because of the fact that it was acceptable. It was— I was doing a really good job, I was exceeding all my goals and my expectations and everything I was being measured on. And therefore, it was tolerated. And yet, at the same time, let me point out and stress that it eventually did catch up with me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, financially, and it always will. So, you know, someone can kind of walk around with some, you know, bitchy attitudes, and it will wreak havoc on them in one way or the other. Whether or not they ever acknowledge it, well, that's a different story, but it will wreak havoc on them sooner or later. But, you know, so I just wanted to kind of, you know, bring up Harald because it's something that people, you know, come across every day of their life, is they come across individuals that are not necessarily, you know, on the same path as they are. They don't have the same mindset, they don't have the same values, they don't have the same belief systems and integrity values that you have. And you need to be able to stand, stand strong for what you believe in and how you want to be treated and not allow individuals like this— they— oh, He did give me her name. I won't, of course I won't mention it, but, and, you know, obviously even him confronting her, he acknowledged she's made it very difficult for him, even, you know, at the time of leaving and going through that process of trying to kind of get recommendations from the company and get support with his termination or with his leaving the company. And she, you know, absolutely outright you know, denied or refused any support. So she wasn't ready. As we talk about a lot on the call, you have to be ready to acknowledge those things in your life that aren't working before you're willing to sacrifice them or give them up and leave them behind. And when it comes to, you know, when it comes to us, our own person or our own character, what we know to be our own character at the time, it's understanding. It's understanding why it's difficult to, to kind of acknowledge it and then walk away from it. And yet, you know, in the spirit of talking confronting, it's important for us to really have an honest, transparent idea of who we are and how we're being perceived by other people. 'Cause as long as we don't, we might be actually kind of giving up and sacrificing some really great things in our lives and some really great opportunities and really great people because we attract— and I know you probably can listen to Tony Robbins or Wayne Dyer or Greg Reid or Les Brown and Bob Proctor and all the top kind of personal development gurus, and they will tell you that, you know, you attract who you are, whether that's people or situations or outcomes. They are kind of— they come to you as you allow them to, as you project them to be, as you perceive them to be, is exactly what you get back. That whole law of attraction type of of mindset. And it's, you know, and just try it one day, you know, spend one day, give yourself a little test. One day go out there and just regardless of how the day unfolds, smile and project happiness and joy and confidence and spirit. And that's what you're going to get back. You'll get, you know, you'll get back people looking you in the eye and smiling. You'll get hellos, you'll get support, you'll get people wanting to collaborate with you. And then another day, go out with— regardless if you wake up in a great mood, play actor or actress for the day and go out and, you know, put on a nasty attitude. Don't smile or acknowledge. Turn away from people. Talk under your breath, whatever the case might be. I'm not telling you to go out and be nasty to anybody. I would stop it at that. You could do it, you know, onto yourself and then see what actually gets it, gets drawn to you. And I can pretty much guarantee you, because I know for many days it was car tickets, or it would be walking blocks and blocks to the office, or a bad phone call, or a bad outcome to something I'm working on, or a missed deliverable, or a sharp pain somewhere in my body. There's always, you know, a response to what we put out. And it mirrors the attitude or the mindset that we have at that particular time. And yet it's not that it's easy. I've learned to kind of be able to turn it on or turn it off, but you can learn ways to kind of take yourself from that negative and kind of bad attitude to a positive attitude. And for me, it's simply, you know, either saying my affirmations over and over and over again in my head or just smiling or picking up the phone and calling a friend and just having a conversation that's more lively and upbeat. You know, there's a whole number of things that you can, that you can do in order to address that. And I'll mention now that one of the, one of the next guests on the show, Chris Cavanaugh, I'm really looking forward to next Tuesday. So next Tuesday at noon, check us out again because Chris And she's the Shift CEO, so she helps you really to shift everything about your mindset and your attitude and your body posturing that will help you really project and attract what it is that you want in your life, whether it's professionally and personally. And her book, Shift to CEO Mindset, is all about that. It's helping you, especially from a business perspective, but she— She also knows that it takes the mindset— emotional, physical, spiritual, emotional— in order for you to excel in business, whether it's on your own as an entrepreneur or in corporate America. It takes a good attitude, mindset, and positivity in order for you to really achieve what it is that you want. So stay tuned for Kris Kavanaugh next week at noon right here on Shuttin' Da Bitch Radio. I wanted to mention that because It'll tie in very nicely to what we're talking about today and what we tend to talk about on the show, which is how can you shift your bitches, as I say, to riches and really find that mindset and attitude and those things in your life, whether it's people, places that you are, that you're working, that you live, the people you're hanging out with, the people you're working with, the people you're even hiring. It could be, you know, the environment that you're participating in or supporting. It's the groups, it's the associations, it's the networks. You know, they all have an influence on your life and on the outcome of your life. And therefore, it's important for you to really understand and be in tune and discover what all of those bring to your life, good or bad. And then start confronting them and shedding those aspects that are negative or draining of your life versus adding to it and feeding it. So, Chris, next week at noon here, right here at Shedding the Bitch Radio on BlogTalkRadio, will be a great conversation. And at the same time, like I had mentioned, I have a program every Tuesday after the show. So, the show runs from noon Eastern time to 12:30. And then that afternoon at 1 PM Eastern time, I also have webinars that are hour-long and they're full of tips and advice and best practices and lessons learned. And like even today's, today's will point you to a free workbook that's on our website, sheddingthebitch.com, where you can help to get tips on managing difficult situations and people in business or in life. And that's our conversation this afternoon. At 1 o'clock Eastern time. And you can go to sheddingthebitch.com/programs and find access to that, to that event and register for it. Even right now you can register all the way up to 1 o'clock. So I welcome you to do that. And at the same time, I'd love to hear from you and get ideas and suggestions as to what you'd like to hear about and what type of guests I can bring on in the coming weeks. We will have Various type of experts, whether they're therapists or coaches, whether it's business or relationships or in life, that will also feed this whole, this whole mindset that we want to develop around shifting to riches. And that's what the programs that pretty much Shayna Bitch covers is everything to shift you to riches. And I welcome you to join us every Tuesday right back here. At blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. And I am Bernadette Boas, and I want to thank you so much for joining us today. And like I said, you can listen to this in the archives at Shedding the Bitch Radio on BlogTalk, or you can go to sheddingthebitch.com, and there also the video as well as the audio is made available to you. So thank you very much for joining us today, and I'll look forward to hearing and seeing you next week. Take care, everybody, and shift to riches.