Shed the Excuses, they Kill Dreams

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone, and happy January 26th.

Second.

I cannot believe we're 3 weeks into the— into the month, into the new year. And I say that a lot throughout the year because I don't know about you, uh, you may not be 56 like I am, but every year, gosh, the time just flies. And the next thing you know, you're a week, 3 weeks, 6 months, and then the year is over with, and you just sit back and wonder where the hell the time went. But it is January 22nd. It is what it is. As Deborah was just, um, explaining to me, and I, I'm going to divert my, my conversation right now to what we were just talking about before we got on here, and there's a reason for this, and it'll lead into our conversation today, which is all about excuses and the fact that we are 3 weeks in. Um, there's about 82% of you that have either already given up on your New Year's resolutions or you're going to, and I'm going to hope that if you're on that edge that we keep you off the edge and from falling over. And those of you that might have fallen over a little bit, we're going to work to pick you up with our discussion about excuses. But I have to— I have to first divert the conversation and and just mention something that was just kind of an aha moment for me, believe it or not, um, because it is— it seems so simple, but yet was very profound for me. And it just happened seconds ago, um, as Deborah and I were chatting prior to the—

to the show starting up.

Um, I was explaining to her that I'm, uh, out at a, uh, bookstore slash coffee shop working with a friend mentor of mine, and typically I'm doing the mentoring of him, uh, and working with, you know, working with him on his business plans. And after about an hour and a half, 2 hours of working with him, I said, okay, you know, we need to kind of transition. I need some input from you and some help from you. And he's like, really? He's like, there's a first. Because as many of you know, and we talk a lot about it here, I am often, if not, um, not all the time obviously, but like let's say 99%, very clear on what it is I want to be doing, what it is I should be doing, what it is I am doing. And I had mentioned over the last couple of programs, couple of episodes, that I wasn't feeling that clear and I wasn't feeling that, um solid in regards to my plans. As a matter of fact, I'd also mentioned at the beginning of the year that my plans that I had laid out were being changed simply because of some things that happened throughout the holiday season. Anyway, so I— over the last couple weeks, you know, I've been sick as a dog, you know, pretty much in bed other than doing the program last Tuesday, which if you listen to it which I hope you did, uh, and excused the fact that I was hacking my way through it, uh, and it's still lingering. So if I happen to continue to hack, forgive me. But, and yet I was talking to Roy just, um, you know, minutes ago about just— I said to him, I said, I'm lost. I, I am not clear at all in regards to what it is I really should be focused on and what it is I should be doing. And the plans that I had laid out, you know, which I'm totally open and comfortable with changing, but I haven't even grounded myself in that. So he was, you know, he was just kind of walking me through and talking me through, and we went through my website and kind of the programs that I do, and still nothing was coming up for me. And, and I'm, I'm, you know, and I try to teach you guys, but I'm very good at tapping into kind of my inner being, my inner soul, as to just listening to myself. And when something comes up, some somewhat emotionally for me, then I, I pay attention to it because it means something. Well, nothing was coming up. I felt extremely— I told him, I said, I feel very vacant, very void, very empty, and not in a negative depressed way, just in a blank way, uh, and I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not accustomed to it.

Well, Seconds before we got on the program, Deborah and I were chatting, and I mentioned the same thing with her— to her.

I mentioned that I was here with a friend mentor, and we were talking about, you know, uh, my plans and the lack thereof, and my feeling kind of, um, vacant and, and unsure. And she said something that sounds so, so simple, and I can't even express to her and I won't cry, I promise. But I can't express to her because all she said to me is she said, well, maybe you're not supposed to have any plans right now. Maybe you just need to be doing, you know, what you need to be doing in the moment. Like right now, what needs to get done, you just do it. Whether that's, you know, the radio program, which we were just about 2 seconds away from jumping on, or maybe it's your book or your script or the current clients. And she said, you know, just maybe it's— you just need to focus on the now as opposed to worrying about the plans. And I have to tell you how much relief that— relief that gives me. And, um, thank you very much, Deborah, because I think she's absolutely right. I, I mean, that totally— when I tap into what came up for me when we were having that conversation, and I'm telling you, it was just seconds of a conversation because we were 5 seconds out from getting on today's program. And so I'm just going to throw that back at all of you guys. Um, you know, I've been beating myself up, and granted, I've been sick as a dog, so I shouldn't be beating myself up because my brain and my head and my spirit isn't even where it typically is, which is very alert and very active and very creative and very energized. It's been very dull. It's been very kind of drained. And I even just got to, you know, up out of my bed or my couch and into life yesterday. And I'm thinking I shouldn't have even been that because I was very— last night you couldn't get me off the couch. I was completely drained. So I'm just going to share, or I'm just going to ask all of you to do the same as what I'm going to do as of this very second in time, and that is give yourself a break. And really just focus on right now and focus on maybe it's just do what you're supposed to do to get things done that are lined up and already needing to get done and not worry about the, the grand plan or the grand scheme or even not worrying about next week or tomorrow. Just focus on today. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you very much, Deborah, for that clarity.

And for that thought process, because I, I'm telling you, it's just provided a, a great amount of breath, which I can really use right now.

A great amount of breath. Um, I know I was telling her I don't have my inhaler with me. I was, uh, diagnosed with bronchitis, so, um, you know, so I'm— I am lacking breath. And yet that, that little piece of tidbit just, uh, really opened up a great deal of breath for me.

So, uh, thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

Um, so I know I diverted and I kind of went all, you know, kind of in different directions, but we are going to be talking about excuses today, and more so the fact that excuses do kill dreams. And yet we're all victim to it. We are all victims to finding any excuse in the book for doing what we're doing, not doing what we're supposed to be doing, uh, whatever we, you know, we decide, um, you know, we just aren't going to participate. Uh, there's 9 zillion excuses that we make for ourselves, and yet at the same time, that's certainly not going to get us, any of us, where we need to go. It's just not. It's—

it can't.

If you're supposed to be going in one direction and/or you planned to go in one direction, but you're excusing yourself into a different direction, well, that's not benefiting anything or anyone, especially yourself. So what we want to talk about today is really be honest and forthright in acknowledging what those excuses are and maybe where they're even coming from, maybe where they're stemming from. So shedding the bitch is all about discovering and confronting those inner bitches, those insecurities, those doubts, those negativities, those, you know, feelings of low self-worth or belief in yourself, whatever the case might be. Because once you can discover and confront them, you can start shedding them, eliminating them out of your psyche, out of your spirit, out of your mind, in order for you to then go and do what you're supposed to be doing to create the riches in life that you deserve. That's what we're all about here. Uh, so we're going to talk through what are those excuses, where are they potentially coming up from, you know, within, and then what you could do to work on—

I'm not going to say eliminate them. I want you to eliminate them, but I'm just as guilty as the next person, just as human as the next person.

Um, and excuses will go away at the same time Different excuses could come up, different reasonings for those excuses could come up. So it's just something— we want to give you tools and things that you can use on a daily basis in order to shed those, in order for you to be able to pursue and act on your dream that you want to be achieving. But it— but before we do that, we are going to take a break, go to commercial. I need to get some water, and when we get back, we'll dive into the excuses and into what you could be doing to shed the excuses once and for all.

We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and shedding the www.greatlawyerbitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker@phvservices.com. Va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

All right, welcome back everyone. We are talking excuses and the excuses that are killing your dreams, and we need to find a way to actually discover them, confront them, and shed them once and for all. So then you can go and create the goals and the dreams that you have for yourself. So that's what I want you to be thinking about. I want to discuss what those excuses are, and I want you to be honest and transparent and intentional about acknowledging them because it's only about you, right? I'm not going to ask you to go and post them online, what your excuses are, or, or call into the program and share with me what your excuses are. This is only between you and you. So if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? So just think through these excuses, make note of the ones that come up for you. I had talked about the fact that, you know, when I'm, you know, thinking through things or trying to work out a problem or work out even what it is I want to be doing or not doing, I, you know, I kind of listen and pay attention to what emotions come up for me, what gets me excited or what drains me, because it tells me a lot about where my energies and my focus should be. So that's what I want you to be thinking about as we're talking through what these excuses are. And these excuses cross the board to the goals and the dreams and the different areas of your life that you are setting resolutions to. And you can apply any one of these excuses to any of those areas, such as your fitness or your health, your money, your relationships, your job, even, you know, your social media or your, your kind of community presence that's out there. Whatever goals and resolutions that you've set for yourself— maybe you're looking to break a habit, maybe you want to start a new one, maybe Maybe there's a new adventure you want to go on, or there's, you know, monies you want to be saving, whatever, whatever it might be. At some point, working toward anything, you will all of a sudden have your insecurities, your fears, your doubts, your uncertainties crop up and, and wreak havoc on your confidence and your determination and your energy and your focus. And what we want to do is we want to, you know, confront those bitches, as we call them here, so you can overcome them and not allow them to sabotage what it is that you're working so hard on. So we're going to talk through these excuses, and then once we're done discussing the excuses, I want to give you some tips and strategies for eliminating them. And if you're not able to fully eliminate them, maybe you can just quell them or minimize the impact that they have on what it is that you're trying to accomplish. All right, so I just heard this in the last— actually, last couple hours I was online and I was looking at the latest trends, so to speak, when it comes to excuses. And they had listed, you know, top 3 excuses that people make for breaking their resolutions. A couple of them were very silly. Well, actually, one of them were really— was really silly, and I really didn't get it apart from it that it must be tied to a diet. But anyway, so the number 3 one was, I need sleep. And I've heard that from clients when it comes to talking to them about their personal goals. Maybe they, you know, want to get up earlier in the morning. And go to the gym or go running. I also have had clients in the past that felt that it would be important to get up an hour earlier and get into work or start working to kind of give them that edge in their, in their career. And then all of a sudden they're realizing, well, no, you know what, I need my sleep. Now I have to be one of those people. I happen to want my 8 hours of sleep. I don't need my 8 hours of sleep. So it's not an excuse for me. It's not an acceptable excuse for me because I don't need it. But I do love my 8 hours of sleep. I mean, I'm a 10 to 6 girl, and yet I'll start making excuses as to, you know, why that has to be turned to 10 to 7, or rarely does it go to 11 to 7. Typically it's still 10 o'clock, but I might push, push it to a 9-hour sleep. But need sleep. The number 2, which is the one that I felt was really weird, is I just love my chocolate. I can't, you know, I've got too much. Oh, I was given too much chocolate over Christmas, so I can't start my diet, let's say, because of the fact that I have so much chocolate that I have to, I have to work through, as opposed to giving it away. But anyway, that's the excuse. And then the number 1 excuse that is probably universal is I don't have time. I don't have enough time. I'm just here to tell you we all have the same 24/7, you know, 24 hours, 7 days a week. So we all have the same amount of time. And then the question that I have to pose to my clients is, why do you think some people are really productive with that same clock, and why are you not? And then they have to start kind of, you know, kind of working their way back, backwards, and to kind of realize that, well, that makes a lot of sense, and what adjustments do they need to make. But not enough time. I have to say, this next excuse I fell into this morning, part of it actually. The excuse will be— because keep in mind, we're talking New Year's resolutions, although you can apply these to goals all year round— but that means that it's January, and So the excuses are typically it's too cold, and this, you know, this usually goes to getting up and going out and working out or going running, you know, or going and getting into work earlier, and it's just too cold in the morning. The other excuse is it's too dark. That happens to be one of mine. Here in Atlanta, Georgia, it doesn't get light till 7:40 is our was our sunrise this morning, and getting up in the dark at 7 o'clock and it's dark, it's kind of depressing. Yet it's not an excuse, or it is an excuse, but it's not an acceptable excuse. Some other ones is, I have no energy. So I have no energy at the end of the day after a long day of work to go to the gym, to go to that class, to focus on, you know, dating or doing whatever. I, you know, I just don't have enough energy. Or it's too late. I don't get out of work until, you know, 6 or 7. By the time I get to the gym and dressed, it's just too late. Let's see, the new group doesn't know me well. This one, this one I was given actually from a personal friend. We talked about— she wanted to kind of find a new network of friends, and she's in a part of town that it's, it's kind of suburbanite and and families and couples, and she's a single mother. So she had— we discussed some groups that she could be going to, and yes, some of them required her traveling like 5 or 10 miles, and it would be after work. So just think of the excuses that crop up. But she threw a different one at me. As opposed to saying, oh, it's too far or too late, she actually said to me, well, you know, I don't know anybody there, and they're not going to miss me this if I don't go this week. They don't even know me yet, so I'll go next week. And I was like, whoa, now there's a different angle on why you would kind of give up on, on a goal that you had for yourself. But I can see it happening. Tonight I start— I mentioned I start an improv class. It was a goal that I had for myself this year, and I signed up for, for an improv class that actually starts tonight. Well, I signed up for it after a couple glasses of wine, didn't realize, or didn't remember that I necessarily signed up for it until last week when I got a notice saying, "Hey, we look forward to meeting you." And trust me when I say a bunch of junk started running around my head as to how can I get out of this. And then I said to myself, "No, I am not giving up on a goal that I laid out for myself, that I took action on." and now it's presenting itself to me. And even today, it's tonight at 7 o'clock, and 7 o'clock is late for me. 7 o'clock, you know, I'm already kind of done work, sitting on my couch, having, having eaten, walk the dog, and I'm very comfortable. But no, I won't be using it as an excuse, but it is one. If you're starting, a lot of times this excuse comes up if you're starting something new. You're trying to quit a bad habit and people will start saying, oh, it's just too hard, or I don't know, I don't know, you know, how to go about learning that or doing that or being that, or it's boring. I've tried it now for a week or two and it's just boring and tedious and it's not what I expected it to be. You know, all of these things start creeping into one's mindset and and just wreaking havoc on, you know, what it is that they've set up for themselves. Because remember, these goals are yours. Give up on your goal, you're giving up on yourself. So these, these excuses are not doing any, any good for anyone, especially you. Now, this is one that I fall into, and I wrote it as, I will start next Monday. And what I mean by that is, okay, for instance, today's Tuesday. And I had mentioned to you in the past that I've been doing Weight Watchers for the past— it's going to be a year in, I guess, February, maybe March. And I'm very proud of myself, have lost 30 pounds. Didn't focus on it through the holidays, but fortunately didn't gain any weight, didn't lose any, didn't gain any. And I should be back on my— on the program. I should be actively watching what I'm eating, watching what I'm drinking, that kind of thing. And I could make the excuse that I've been sick. Now, I have not had an appetite. That would be true. However, I, you know, an hour ago before the program, I'm sitting in with my friend Mentor, and I'm eating a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels. Now, what I will often do and I'm talking often being maybe a handful of times throughout my lifetime, is I will have said to myself, okay, well, I've already ruined my diet for this week. I'll just wait until Monday because I get weighed in. I used to get weighed in on Sundays. I now get weighed in on Saturdays. So then I'll be like, okay, so I'll wait until next, next Monday. Well, that's not an acceptable excuse. I mean, I could literally at You know, 12:15, whatever time it is right now, I could be hitting that reset button and just making sure that for the rest of the day, the rest of the week, I'm watching what I'm eating. I'm back on my program. Typically, however, in the past I will have said, no, I'll just wait until Monday, and then the rest of the week I'll eat like crap. And because I've told myself it's okay until Monday, not, not acceptable. Not good enough. If I want to get where I'm going, that's not going to work. And, and therefore it's not going to work for you either. So remember, every moment of every day is an opportunity to hit the reset button. You falter on whatever it is that you're trying to do right this moment, right this time, and next moment, right now, you could be shifting and changing and adjusting. So no excuses when it comes to that. Some other excuses are This is— the next few are very business-oriented. A lot of people will come to me, they're— I'm their business coach, excuse me, and they'll talk to me about the fact that, well, I'm not a salesperson, I don't like to pitch, I don't like to present myself like a used car salesman, I don't like to hear no, I'm not a good storyteller or marketer, so I'm not really good at presenting what it is that I have to buy, whatever the case might be. None of those are good excuses. There's ways to learn, there's ways to master and even overcome any and every one of those excuses when it comes to that. Let's see, some people will tell me, well, you know, Bernadette, I'm really comfortable with where I'm at, what I'm doing. I'm so used to it, it's just kind of— I'm in a routine. I don't need to be trying something new or different. What they're really saying is, I don't want to get uncomfortable. I'm very comfortable where I'm at. And then I'll say to them, oh, are you? So you, you, you're, you're doing exactly what you want to be doing, earning what you want to be earning, living the way you want to be living, with the people that you want to be, you know, all those things are exactly, you know, where you want to be. And all of a sudden, they'll start showing their wrinkles and the cracks in that belief system. And then it's a matter of just getting them to acknowledge it and confront it in order for them to realize that, no, I want to get uncomfortable to get comfortable. I want to be comfortable in my discomfort because I know that that's what's going to bring change. That's what's going to be enrichment. That's what's going to bring, you know, everything that I want in life. Now, another thing, this— a lot of this has cropped up This was my fear for many decades, but it's more prevalent these days because of social media. But then there's this fear of missing out. So all of a sudden, one can't change their routine or what it is that they're doing or where they're going or who they're hanging out with or socializing with because they don't want to miss out. So they can't do— they can't change up their schedule and go to the gym or go to a class or go and find a different job because they're afraid of missing out on, you know, the parties that they're accustomed to going to, or the people that they're accustomed to hanging out with, or the job that they've been comfortable— miserable but comfortable, um, uh, you know, kind of living in. Uh, when it comes to social media, you know, they'll find through one of our solutions we'll talk about in a minute, but they'll find that they spend a great deal of time on social media and yet they're given the excuses of not having enough time in their day to get anything really done on their goals. And yet they— the first thing that they'll say to me, well, I can't not check in on Instagram or Pinterest or Facebook or Twitter because of X, Y, and Z. And what it comes down to is they're just afraid of missing out on the latest and greatest post or viral video or update from their family or friends or just being engaged and just being kind of known and visible out there. And so, you know, they give up a good part of their active life because of this online addiction that they have, that they know that they need to change. They know that they spend too much time. A lot of men, when it comes to video games, have this issue as opposed to social media. They're not necessarily out there posting and tweeting and whatnot, but they are sitting at home on the couch playing video games, and I don't have enough time to get fit or find a new job or to earn more money. And yet when you come down, when you look at it, they have most likely 2 to 3 hours— that is common— that they're spending social, in social media, when they could be spending it finding the job that they, or doing whatever it is that their goal is, is meant to help them achieve. So whatever the excuse is that you're giving yourself, you have to be kind of honest with yourself. You have to be intentional about the fact that the excuses aren't good enough anymore, if it is, if it is that you want to achieve your goal. So what you first need to do is say to yourself, are my goals, are these goals that I've laid out important to me? What are the impacts will these goals have should I achieve them? And if you are able to say yes, these goals are important to me and the impact on my life is going to be X, Y, and Z, then you have to be okay and you have to be intentional about eliminating those excuses and not allowing those excuses to rule you, to take— have power over you, to dictate to you what it is that you're going to achieve or not achieve, because that's exactly what they're doing right now. You know, your excuses are dictating your success.

Your—

the way your life is right now is all as a result of the decisions that you make and/or the excuses that you, that you tell yourself. So if you want to eliminate them and get rid of them, then you have to be honest and transparent and intentional about how you go about shedding them. And when we get back after this break, we're going to talk about some of those tips and strategies and techniques. And I want to reiterate again that these aren't solutions, because solutions— and I know I used that term earlier— solutions sound as if they're concrete, that once you have that solution, you'll never have this problem again. And when it comes to excuses, eliminating excuses, eliminating the bitches of fear, insecurities, doubts, and negativities that you have within yourself, That's a day-in, day-out effort and, and transformation that needs to take place. It's not a fix and be done with it. It's not a wham bam thank you ma'am. So we'll talk tips and techniques when we get back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, Email us at media-relations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everybody. It is January 22nd. We're talking the excuses that kill your dreams. And we left off with all of those excuses, and we want to give you solutions and tips and techniques that you could be using at any point in time when you are dealing with those little bitches in your head that creep up, that attempt— we're gonna say attempt—

to to sabotage and kill your—

not even your dreams, but your momentum, your actions, the steps that you're taking, your energy, your determination, your persistence. We want to make sure that we find ways, and we give you ways to, um, shed those and eliminate those so they don't get in the way. And you can't continue to then excuse you not doing something or achieving something because of the little gremlins, as people will call them, that go on in between your ears.

And I have to tell you, if there was one—

the one thing that you have taught me, this program has taught me, my work over the past, uh, I'll say 6 or 7 years have taught me, is in life and within yourself has to do with what goes on in between your ears. Everything. It's amazing to me, and I'm always stunned that everything we say, everything that we think, everything that we believe, it all has to do with what it is we're telling ourselves and what it is that we're believing, or what it is that we're being, you know, kind of deceived on within ourselves, what it is that we're just trying to convince ourselves of. And that could be good or bad.

It could be excuses, or it could be mantras.

So what needs to happen is we need to get control on what goes on in between our ears, because that's where these excuses are coming from. The excuses are coming from your fears, your insecurities, your negativities, your doubts, you know, all those bitches that we always talk about. And yet we lump them into fear, overall fear.

And remember what F.E.A.R., the acronym F.E.A.R.

really stands for. It stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.

So why are you giving your excuses life?

Why are you giving them— and people will talk about, you know, power— why are you giving them strength? Why are you giving them time, energy, focus? What you want to do is make sure that that false false evidence, which your fears are false evidence. Because again, you have everything, you possess everything that you need in order to achieve whatever you want to achieve, but more so to overcome anything that you want to overcome, eliminate, you know, from your mind, from your soul, anything that you want to eliminate. So forget the fact that you think that you need to have more money, more time, more energy, more whatever, more whatever, more whatever. Whatever those excuses are. You have it all. You just need to be able to apply it and put it in the right places.

So I want to give you some tips, some solutions that you can start using that anytime something comes up.

Right now, if something's coming up for you as to, you know, why you even want to continue listening to this podcast or hang up or, or just ignore what might be given to you, ask yourself why. Why, you know, why do I feel like, you know, this, this information is not relevant to me? Why do I feel like I don't make excuses? Why do I feel like I don't need help or tips or ideas for, you know, overcoming or pursuing or achieving anything? And ask that same question anytime something comes up. Why am I allowing myself to say it's too hot or too cold or too wet or too late or I don't have enough money? Why? Why am I telling myself that? Most likely you're going to come up with something like, well, just be— you know, you're going to come up with your fear, you're going to come up with your insecurity, you're going to come up with your doubt within yourself, you're going to come up with one of those bitches. That we talk about. So these solutions, these tips— I don't want to call them solutions, let's call them tips and techniques and strategies you could be using. Solutions means that all of a sudden your problem is going to be solved, and that's not necessarily the case. You know, the other thing that I've learned over the last, you know, 8 or 9 years of doing this work is the fact that it is an ongoing process to shed your bitches and honor your riches. It's an ongoing process that life causes you to think high or think low. So you need these things on a regular basis, not just a one-time wham bam thank you ma'am and it's gone and gone forever. So let's call them, as opposed to solutions, let's call them tips or techniques. The first one would be this. And this goes and ties back to the most popular excuses about, oh, there's not enough time in the day, or it's too late, or it's just too hard, or I have too many obligations or responsibilities, or I have kids, or, you know, a family, whatever the case might be. So it's Tuesday. Let's just say even for the next 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or maybe you're listening to this, you know, over the next few days. Give yourself 5 days. Let's say 5 days. 5 days and track everything. Track everything that you do in a given day from the moment that you wake up to the moment that you put your head down on the pillow and even track how many hours that did you sleep. How many hours did you, you know, get, get the rest that you needed.

So throughout the day I want you to be tracking how much time are you spending preparing coffee, drinking coffee, watching TV, preparing for your day, getting dressed, checking in on your phone, whether that be social media or your texts or your phone messages.

How much time are you spending at work doing what? You know, what time during your day are you actively working on the projects or the work you're supposed to be or on something that's distracting you and taking, you know, time away from you. How much time are you spending grocery shopping? How much time are you spending taking care of the kids? Whatever it is during the day, keep track of what, you know, where you're spending your time. At the end of those 5 days, I want you to kind of add it up. And you can categorize them. So family, Maybe shopping or spending. Yeah, you could also track how much time you're spending on eBay or Amazon or Pinterest, not Pinterest, what's, Etsy, doing shopping. So categorize your time. Social media, fitness, we mentioned family.

And then go back to them and kind of ask yourself, is that appropriate amount of time?

So for instance, if you're working, you know, 10 hours, 12 hours, and your family's only getting an hour of your time, is that really, you know, is that really where you want to be spending your time? Is that contributing to your goal, to your resolution? Maybe it is. You know, maybe it absolutely is because maybe your goal is to get financially stable this year and therefore you had a conversation with your family that you're going to be working more hours so you can get blah, you know, promotion or get overtime or whatever the case might be. So maybe it is, but if it isn't, then that information will give you kind of validation as to the fact that you're spending time in places that's not attributing and contributing to your goals. So social media is a big one. On social media, you could all of a sudden be finding, and you could do a lot of analysis on social media these days as to how much time are you on your phone, let alone on a particular app or a set of apps, especially when it comes to the work hours. I mean, it's very well known that in an 8-hour typical workday, people spend about 90 minutes on, you know, 90 minutes of their day on social media. Well, you know, they're getting paid to do work. They're not getting paid to be on their social media. During an employer's work time. So, you know, where, what are you lacking? What are you missing out on as a result of that? You'll also find that if you're tracking your social media, you're tracking something, you know, kind of non-goal-oriented, you'll find that that excuse of time doesn't hold up because you're actually, you know, as opposed to spending an hour and a half on social media or shopping or, doing something that doesn't fit your goals, you could have been going to that hobby or activity or going to the gym or going to that class you wanted to, you know, up-level your skill set on, whatever the case might be. 1 to 5 days, track everything, put it on your calendar even, fill your calendar to where every 15-minute, half-hour increment is full, and then at the end of that 5 days, track and analyze where your time is being spent, and then what is working toward your goals and what's not, and then eliminate and make adjustments as a result of that. And that kind of fits into my next one, which is then you can go and plan out your week. So, if your goals are, and, you know, they could be focused on your health and fitness.

They could be focused on your diet, which is, you know, kind of grocery shopping, making sure that you're, buying the right foods.

It could be focused on your family. Maybe it's focused on money and budgeting and planning, or maybe it's focused on a social life, and, you know, maybe you want to, you know, be doing more dating. So then based on those goals that you had, and remember we took them from the year down to the quarter, down to the month, down to the week, and we're saying just to look over the next couple, then, you know, plan your week around when are you going to focus on— when are you going to do activities and tasks that align to your goals? When are you going to be doing that planning? When are you going to go to the gym? When are you going to go to the dog park? When are you going to go and do your actual work or maybe go for new clients? Or when are you going to go networking to prospect for new clients? When are you going to go and shop for that, you know, that new thing that you need for whatever goal it is that you have? So, plan out the whole week and plot it out on your calendar, literally as if it's a doctor's appointment. Put it on your calendar and think about it intentionally as to where you're going to spend your time and how you're going to spend your time in order to achieve that goal. And then you have your whole week planned, and there's no reason now to say, you know, that I don't have the time. Now, you could still be using it's too cold, it's too, wet, it's too warm. What I would say there in your planning for your week is, well, take out the scarves, take out the thermals, take out the umbrella, place them in a, in, you know, in a spot in your house where you, you're then prepared to deal with whatever it is that you're making an excuse around. You know, none of us like to be cold, but guess what? Wear the proper clothes and you're not, not cold anymore. No one wants to be wet, but put on a poncho, get an umbrella, and wet's not an excuse anymore.

Same with your food, same with your activity, same with your prospecting.

No one likes to, you know, not no one, very few people like to sell or like to pitch, present, prospect, call it whatever you want to, but you could be practicing, you could be taking a class, you could be training in order to overcome that. And then I had mentioned earlier about the 21 days. I think this is huge. Whether it's 14 days, 21 days, but it's not a day or it's not even a week.

But give yourself a sufficient amount of time to, one, work through and push through whatever comes up in regards to a particular goal.

Commit to yourself that you won't abandon your goal until—

for at least 21 days, for at least 3 weeks, maybe even a month.

At least commit to that much. Because even right now at January 22nd, that means by February 10th, February 15th, you're even rocking it and working. And now you've pushed through all that crap and you've— you're satisfied with kind of where you're at and where you're going, that you're good. Or you, you know, along the way you've made adjustments or you've made, um, you know, changes, or maybe you've adjust altered what that goal is. A lot of people make too lofty goals and they realize that shortly into their acting on their goal, but instead of giving up on that goal because it's lofty, just make shifts and scale it back, scale it down. Make sure it is realistic or relevant to what it is that you're doing or able to do, but give yourself time. Don't abandon yourself, because that's what you're doing when you give up on your goals and your resolutions, is you're saying, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy enough, I'm not, you know, I'm not value— I don't value myself enough to even stick with my goals. Don't do that.

Don't do that.

It's almost like what Deborah said to me at the beginning of this program, you know, is, I don't— right now I don't need to be focused on my goals or a plan I just need to be focused on right now because at least that keeps me moving forward. That keeps me energized. That keeps me focused. And it's not giving up on myself. It's just allowing myself to work through, you know, the moment and then the energy and the clarity and the new kind of definition of what goals it is and what passions I have will come out of that. So just think about that. And then as you're working your goals and you're working them for these 21 days and you're tracking your time and your activities for 5 days, find ways to distract yourself. When something comes up, when all of a sudden you're feeling like, oh gosh, I'm going to go for that doughnut, or oh gosh, I'm going to sleep in and not go to the gym, or oh gosh, I'm going to just leave work and go right home as opposed to going out or going on that date, or I'm going to cancel a prospect meeting.

Before you do that, give yourself 2 minutes, 2 minutes, and distract yourself. Put your mind somewhere else.

Do something. Pick up a notepad and start scribbling, coloring. Turn on the radio, turn on the TV, you know, download a podcast, and give yourself 2 minutes to just kind of forget about where that junk is coming up and forget about what that junk's about and just distract yourself.

And then come back after that 2 minutes and see if that excuse has waned in any, any way, shape, or form.

They often tell you, if you're a smoker for instance, in order to quit smoking and, you know, you're wanting to do it on your own and not use a patch or whatever the case might be, they'll often tell you distract yourself when you start getting a craving.

Distract yourself for 2 minutes and most likely that craving will go away. So I did that when I quit smoking.

And after my 100th attempt a while back, I was finally successful.

It wasn't from anything else except that mindset shift, that willpower, that determination, distracting myself from really, you know, focusing on the craving and really focusing on the end result, which is feeling good and having my health and all that kind of good stuff. So, give yourself 1 to 2 minutes to distract yourself.

Incent yourself if you need to. You know, you might have your goals and like, you know, we laid out, we might, you might be focusing, focused on them for January, February, whatever the case might be. But give yourself, not daily necessarily, but give yourself weekly incentives for whatever it is that you, you worked on as, as it pertains to your goal. You might even want to come up with a consequence as to if you didn't, what are you going to, you know, consequent. Well, I'm not going to be able to go out to dinner, or I'm not going to be able to buy that, you know, blouse, or I'm not going to go and be able to spend, you know, X, Y, and Z, or do something. But more importantly, I want you to focus on actually acting on your goals and rewarding yourself and incenting yourself as you work your way through it. Set limits. So when it comes to any of these goals such as social media or when it comes to— excuse me— when it comes to, let's see, social media or planning or whatever, as opposed to letting your excuses get in the way, limit yourself. Say, "OK, fine, I want to give up and not use social media as an excuse, so I'm going to limit the amount of time I spend on social media." I don't want to use, I don't have enough money, uh, as an excuse. So I'm going to, you know, set a limit of like 15-20 minutes every day planning out, um, what, you know, my budget may be, or planning where my spend is going, or what, you know, what I'm, what I'm going to be doing as far as, um, you know, my, my budgeting and my plan and my financials. So give yourself limits if need be.

Read.

Just read, learn, buy a book, talk to other people as to what it is that they're doing.

How do they overcome things? How do they actively act on and pursue their goals and their dreams? There's such simple solutions— or we've, we decided not to use solutions— there's tips and techniques that you could be using to eliminate and shed those excuses that are killing your dreams. So just find the ones that work for you and then just focus on them and pay attention to them, and you will be achieving whatever it is that you set out to do. All right, so until next Tuesday at noon Eastern time, this is Bernadette Boas and Deborah Parker, and we will talk with you right back here next week on Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everybody.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.