Shed the High School Trauma Bitch

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch. Shedding the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this Tuesday in December? We're getting close to the holidays. Hanukkah, Christmas, all of them. New Year's. It's a beautiful thing. And I'm so glad that you're here with us and that we can kind of prepare and celebrate together because a lot of preparation has to go into the holidays. Forget about the cooking, forget about the shopping, forget about, you know, what you're going to wear to the office party. It's really kind of just keeping ourselves sane. And that's what we're going to talk about next week. We're going to talk about dealing with the crazies of family and friends. I'm hoping that I can provide you some bit of relief, some bit of ideas and strategies for dealing with the dynamics of family. That has certainly come up with my family and myself. I'm getting ready to go and spend it with them around the 20th of the month, and we'll be up there for about a week. And as many of you know, having 11 brothers and sisters, there's quite a dynamic between all of us and trying to get time and spend quality quality time with all of them plus 23 nieces and nephews can often be a challenge, let alone the in-laws and all of that. So I thought that that would be a great conversation for us to have next week. This week we are talking about high school drama, and not theater, not the arts, not the creative side of high school. But more so, what are those lingering bitches, as we call them here in the Shedding the Bitch community, that we, without even thinking about it, without being conscious of it, have carried forward as a result of, you know, middle school or high school? They say when you're, you know, between the ages of like 3 to 5, um, you know, you're just seeing kindness and, and, you know, you, you want to be friends with everybody. And then as you get into into grade school, middle school, you're certainly all of a sudden being thrown into the thrust of picking and choosing. And all of a sudden, you know, having to make judgment calls. And you're being judged. And what that kind of does, and then forget about it when it gets into high school, and then it's all about status and likability, which we'll talk about. And I thought that this was just really relevant because as I was talking to a number of people over the last couple of months, but specifically over about the last couple of weeks, and then I saw a— I've been getting a lot of my inspiration from talk shows, and not necessarily entertainment talk shows, even the morning news talk shows and whatnot. And there was this very lively discussion around high school, Drama and the effects that it has on adulthood, on social ability, on maturity. And I thought that that was really important because it does play a role in who we are today, whether you're 20, 40, 60, 80. And if we can get a handle on it, the good, the bad, the ugly, then we can choose to make decisions about it. So that's what we're going to talk about today, but before we get into that, we've had some great shows recently. Our last show was our Ask Bernadette show. For those of you listening for the first time, welcome and thank you. But our Ask Bernadette episode is the first Tuesday of each month, and what we do is we— I take your questions, stories, and challenges that you've either posted on Facebook or Twitter, You may have emailed me at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com. You may have even reached out via LinkedIn. That's where I get a lot of your questions and a lot of your dialogue with me is through my LinkedIn profile. And you might even reach us through sheddingthebitch.com. However you reach us, give us your story, question, or challenge all through the month. I answer them as quickly as I can, and the majority of the time it's within 24 hours. Certainly, I try to even get it within that workday. And then I provide you some tips and advice and tough love at times. I bring them here into the first Tuesday of the month show, and we can dive into them even deeper. And you have an opportunity to actually call in to 1-818-572-2910 to talk to me directly and expand on it. You have an opportunity to call anytime that we go live, Tuesdays noon to 1:00 PM Eastern time. If you don't have the opportunity and you're downloading us, you're streaming us from any of the number of the streaming services like Apple Podcasts, that's awesome, but feel free to reach out to me at any time to do that. So that's the first Tuesday of the month, which was last week. We talked about on that particular episode We talked about things that really were relevant to the holidays, to the Thanksgiving that was coming up, to even going into Christmas and the New Year's. So one individual asked me about how and where can I give, do, and share and serve. So they wanted ideas about charity, donations, volunteering, that kind of thing. So we had a conversation around that. As a result of a conversation a couple weeks back regarding writing your story, I then had a question posed to me about, all right, so how do I choose, you know, the topic and the expertise or the experience that I had that I, you know, want to then share? How do I know if it's relevant? How do I know if it's important and valuable? To the readers. So we talked about that. And then a great question that I absolutely loved, and that's kind of the answer to this topic, is someone actually asked about whether it is more important to have great answers to questions that are being posed, and it happened to be in a work environment, but whether it's work, school, home, Is it better to have the answer to something, or is it better to have great questions and to ask questions? So, we talked about the pros and cons of both of those and the value that they have on your career, business, or life. So, go back to our Ask Bernadette episode and even check out the ones previously. We always tend to get a mixture of career, business, and life. Sometimes it's heavy business. Sometimes it is personal stuff, but our Ask Bernadette episodes are always very popular to download and listen to. And then of course we've talked about shedding the intimidation bitch, shedding the mental health stigma bitch, and like I said, today we'll be talking about how to shed the high school drama bitch, and then next week we'll be talking about dealing with the crazies. Of the family and friends during the holidays. So on that note, let me see if we have any kind of rich news we would want to share out of the community. Everything's been con corde collective, which is always a beautiful thing. So let me take a break, a quick break. When we get back, we'll dive into this conversation. Oh, I do want to mention, oh, I knew there was something lingering. I actually got an additional question posed to me and it's regarding the holidays and it's regarding about gift giving during the holidays. So when we get back, we're actually going to address that for just a couple of minutes to make sure that she gets an answer to this because I get this question a lot this time of year. As a matter of fact, I even question it for myself this time of year and we'll talk all about that. But we'll spend 5 minutes on that, then we'll move into the conversation about shedding the high school drama bitch when we get back. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@parkerhouseservices.com. Deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. Uh, we are talking about shedding the high school drama bitch today, but before we get there, I had mentioned that I did get a question following our Ask Bernadette episode, uh, and it was— it's very relevant to Christmas and Hanukkah. And gift giving this time of year, so I thought we would spend a couple of minutes talking about that, and then we'll certainly get into our main topic of conversation.

All right?

So the question was, I am struggling to understand if it is required of me to buy my boss or my employees a gift. Now, I get this a lot when it comes to the boss, the employees, the clients, the vendors. I've talked about this in the past. You know, even when you go to your hairdressers, you know, or your manicurist or your masseuse or whomever, you know, do you give them an extra gift this time of year, or do you keep it small? So I thought that this would be a great question because as many of you, like myself, I'm going into clients this week to wrap up for the year. They're off on vacation for the next couple of weeks. So, you know, I even go back and forth on this question as well. So I will start with the fact that first you need to do it authentic.

Authentically.

You're not obligated to gift anybody any time of the year. You need to do it because you want to do it. You need to do it from the heart. You need to do it because there is, you know, kind of a thank you you want to provide somebody. And gift giving, you know, to your clients, vendors, bosses, service providers aren't necessarily required at because it's, you know, the holiday time. You could do it just because they gave you this unbelievable haircut or a client gave you a really big contract and, you know, you just want to thank them. So you really— the first thing you need to kind of sit down and take a deep breath around is are you doing it because you feel obligated to do it or are you doing it because you genuinely want to do it? And let me give you an example of the obligation. You would think many families feel that, you know, they're obligated to give each other Christmas presents or birthday presents or whatever the case might be, to even your siblings, your parents, whomever. I will acknowledge to you right here and now, I am a horrible person when it comes to gift-giving, card sending. I'm just bad at it. I have a couple of sisters who are so organized. They have their boxes. You know, they buy those boxes of year-round cards for every occasion, and they have everyone's list of birthdays and anniversaries and holidays, and they're, you know, and you can count on it, and trust me, I do when it comes to my birthday. You can count on all of a sudden a card showing up. Nowadays, even, you know, the e-electronic card showing up. When it comes to gift giving, I just, I just never felt that I was obligated. I didn't feel obligated to put a monetary value to it. I made sure that whether it was all year round or on a special occasion, the other person knows that I'm thinking about that, that I'm praying for them, that I love them, that they are important to me. Um, you know, so you really do want to make sure that whatever time of year or whatever it is that you do You do it authentically and from the heart. So I'll leave it at that. I really, you know, would want you to put the obligation part of it aside, and if you ever feel, you know, obligated to do it, then use that as a barometer to say, well, you know, maybe I won't. Now, of course, there's corporate and office politics around all of this, but I'll tell you what, I've stood up to the people that turned their nose up or rolled their eyes at me if I didn't necessarily splurge or gift all of my employees or all of my bosses or whomever the case might be. However, authentically and from the heart, there are so many ways that you can actually bank your boss, your clients, your employees, your vendors, your manicurist, your assistant, whomever, this time of year or any time of year without breaking the bank, because that's really everybody's concern. Well, some of them are concerned about the fact that they're not crazy about whomever and they don't want to necessarily feel they're obligated to give somebody something, and I would say then don't do it. But if you are and you want to, You don't have to break the bank. You know, kind of get it personal just by the fact that if they're a coffee drinker, if they're a chocolate lover. I know someone, actually I gave them it the other day, who loves hot chocolate, and kind of unique hot chocolate. So, you know, I kind of packaged up something that didn't break the bank that spoke to that individual. If they're a journaler, buy them a nice journal. You know, lovely journal. If they like to go to the movies— and this could be your boss, this could be an employee, a client, a vendor— if they go to the movies, you know, buy them a MoviePass or a couple of MoviePasses. You know, you can get very creative when it comes to gift giving. It could be that, you know, what I used to do actually when I was in business and had a team, I would take them out to lunch, like, you know, together, one big lunch, and not just to, you know, something they're accustomed to. I would make it a kind of an exception-based, lovely restaurant type of lunch, and majority of the time, I've handwritten notes to them to say thank you, you know, for being part of the team. So there's a lot of different ways that you could be, You could be wishing them, you know, a thank you, wishing them happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and so forth. So just, I would say, just keep it to where it's authentic and coming from the heart. You know, if it is your boss or clients, one last thing, if it's your boss or clients at work or a vendor and everybody's pitching in, then, you know, throw money into the till or whatever the case might be. Just get creative. Just don't feel obligated to do so is where I would leave it. All right, so hopefully that was helpful for all of you. And I do want to get into our conversation today, which was how to shed the high school drama bitch. Now why do I think this is important? I think it's important because anytime we have opportunities to really reflect on who we are and what made us, you know, to be the person that we are, the woman, the man that we are, is important because it's just more knowledge, and more knowledge leads to better understanding, and better understanding means— leads to opportunity for change, need maybe, need for change, need for a shift, and it really kind of also provides us great amount of compassion and empathy for other people who might be dealing with the same. So for instance, I had mentioned Christine a few weeks back who is writing a book. And she's writing a book about her experience in foster care. And it caused her, obviously, to really need to sit down and go back to her childhood, go back to her experiences, go back to the pain as well as the joy, go back to majority of the time hardship that she, you know, experienced, go back, contrary to our conversation, go back to the lack of schooling. That she received to really then kind of piece together how those experiences have affected her today. And that's really what we're talking about when it comes to high school. You know, according to Mitch Pristine, a professor of psychology and author of Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World, he goes on to say that those memories, high school memories, are salient for a reason. The urge to be popular among our peers reaches its zenith in adolescence, at just the same time we are developing a stable personality. He goes on to say, so the messages you get at 14 about who you are and how the world works will affect how you behave when you're 40. And that really, that really hit home for me. Because through my own shedding process, as Christine's experienced and many of you may have experienced, you know, reflecting on those times, as hard as it might be, you know, really kind of speaks volumes to who you are today, whether you like it or not. So I just thought it would be valuable it would be valuable for us to have a conversation. So like I mentioned, he talked about both status and likability are really the key factors, the key roles that individuals play in high school that then influence their adulthood. Status being about influence, power, and dominance. Likability being about being liked, respected, respected, and included. I mentioned that, you know, 3 to 5-year-olds, you know, especially as they get into like preschool, kindergarten, all they want to do is to be liked. They want to be liked, respected, and included. And they most likely, you know, will like everyone around them, unless sadly they are having already a bad experience. But even before they hit, you know, the school, they are on the playground. And that time period is very critical to establishing, you know, their likability, so to speak. And then status being even more— I don't want to say important, but more impactful in high school around influence, power, and dominance. And you'll often find that when you look at those two things and relate them to your behavior today, you'll be able to kind of lump them into your experiences with status and likability back all the way back into high school. So if you look at likability, how does it— how would it affect me, Bernadette, in, you know, in later years? So I want to be liked in school, be included, be respected. A lot of times though, that need that is being fostered in those years kind of lends itself to then being people in their adulthood who are people pleasers. They're wanting to, to really just always be included, always be respected, always be liked, and therefore it can work against them if they all of a sudden amp it up to being, you know, people pleasers. And we all know that as much as it's you know, great to have those type of individuals in our lives, we have to be honest about how do we kind of really look at them. Do we look at them as like, you know, as floor mats? Do we look at them as people that, you know, we can take advantage of, we can manipulate? You know, are they individuals who whether we kind of give back to them and appreciate appreciate them and what they do for us? Do we only just take as opposed to give? So likability, as much as it sounds as if, well, everybody wants to be liked, what I'm looking for you to be able to kind of really reflect and assess of yourself is how does that project itself? How does that actually, you know, grow into your adult behavior, your adult actions, your adult emotions. When it comes to status, he talks about— Mitch Pristine, professor of psychology— he talks about status sounds great, and, you know, people are always seeking and searching, especially in these days, this material world that we live in these days. It's all about status. It's all about power, position, and prosperity. And in his terms, it's about influence, power, and dominance. And so for those who kind of take on those roles in high school, you know, they're not necessarily those that are liked. So he kind of even creates a big division between likability and status in that Not all people who have status are liked, and not all people that are liked have status, influence, and power. And not, you know, and they don't always kind of come together, the people with status and the people with likability. They're not concerned about the other. You know, someone with status, I'm a pure example of it. I didn't care if I was liked. I care, I wanted the power, position and prosperity. And actually, I prefer if you didn't like me because I thought that that created a level of intimidation and manipulation on you as an individual. Uh, you know, if I were to think about how— where did that come from in my high school years, even middle school years, I would have to acknowledge that it came from feeling as if I didn't fit in, feeling as if I didn't belong, feeling as if I wasn't necessarily included. So I decided to flip, flip it in my college and early 20 years and say, well, I'm not concerned about being liked, respected, and included. I'd rather have influence, power, and dominance over people. So, you know, if I had not looked at that, you know, 8 years ago, 7 years ago, 6 years ago, 5 years ago, I over these past years, I might still be in that very angst state of being and not really caring about, you know, other people and what their needs and wants are. So that is why even with— to this gentleman, Mitch Prinstein, and I have definitely seen why it's so important to look back on the drama we had in high school and how it reflects us today. So what I'd like you to do is even just for, you know, 2 to 3 minutes, we're not going to stop or anything, but take 2 to 3 minutes of your time now or afterwards as you're driving, as you're taking a walk, maybe you're sitting at work and need a break, and think about, you know, go back into your memory bank about your high school experience. And as I say, truth comes to the surface. You know, really reflect on the first things that come to your mind. Are you saying, oh, it was great, it was so much fun? Which, that's a knee-jerk reaction and very natural if you were to say that. Or is your reaction, oh God, it was miserable and I was bullied and I was, you know, I was, you know, considered a doofus and a dork and a nerd. You know, what emotions come up for you? When you think about those years. But don't run away from them, don't hide from them, because they are packed, packed, packed, packed with great information that can help you understand who you are today. And that's really what Shedding the Bitch is all about, is, you know, becoming as self-aware, as honest— brutally honest— as raw and as real as you can be because once you are, you can strip away, or shed as we say, all those things that you don't want to carry forward, let them go, and then take on, create, and accelerate what it is that you do want. So take those, you know, take 2 to 3 minutes and kind of, you know, just think about that. Actually, take about, let's see, take about a minute. 24 seconds when we take a break and think about it, you know, about your high school experience. Was it a good experience or bad? Emotional trauma or not? You know, did you have, you know, and create lifelong friends, or did you kind of leave high school, never look back? You know, what was your experience in high school? And when we get back, we'll dive into kind of what you could do with all that information as a way of both healing. I would say both healing and growing.

We'll be right back. You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Good, good.

Welcome back.

I don't know where I am today. Welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us today. We are talking about shedding the high school drama bitch and kind of all of that emotional baggage that you had in high school. We're looking to isolate some periods of time in your life that you can focus on, that you can kind of evaluate and assess, be honest and raw about, and so that you can use whatever output comes from that as a way of becoming more self-aware, more transparent, more honest with yourself in case there is some changes you want to make in your life and/or— and this will be kind of the summary of this conversation— or what you want to pass on, especially to those of you who have children, because that's also One of the big findings that I had when I was talking with a group of people about the subject was it wasn't— yes, they did want to really dig deep and look into the effects that high school had on themselves, even middle school had on themselves. What they really wanted to do is to kind of address and help and support and be compassionate and empathetic about what their kids are dealing with. Now it's a whole different world that the kids are going through today than what we went through 50 years ago, yet there are still life lessons, life experiences, life journeys that we all go through regardless of some of the factors that are introduced into it— technology, you know, economy, politics, that kind of thing. So that's why you know, we found— oh, I felt that this was a really important topic to be discussing today. So we left off with wanting to give you an opportunity to really kind of reflect back on your own experience in high school. Put, you know, you can put a theme to it. I have to say, if someone had asked me, which they did in kind of a backwards way, but, you know, what was your experience like in high school? I would automatically say it was a blast. I had a lot of fun. I had a lot of friends. I was very active playing sports, predominantly in playing sports. And I left, and I was one of those individuals that as much fun as I did have, I did leave kind of separating myself from my high school experience. So when I said that to somebody, they were like, so if your experience in high school was so great, then why did you separate yourself from, from, you know, from the, the friends that you had in high school? So that got me even thinking. So here I'm, you know, kind of masterminding and coaching with this group of people, and I always learn something when I work with my clients, which I love, and I learn a lot about myself as well. And so I went, went away, and in my traditional way, I grabbed my journal and I started thinking about it. Yes, why would I say that I separated myself from, from, you know, high school friends if I had such a great time? And I had to start digging into it, and maybe you can relate to this. So I started digging into it, saying, yes, I did have a lot of friends. I, but I was one of those that because I didn't feel like I necessarily fit in with any one particular group, that I was— I kind of went in and out of all the different groups. The druggies, the jocks, the nerds and the academics, you know, the athletes. I kind of floated amongst all of them. I even hung out with my teachers. There was a couple of teachers that were very influential to me from my high school. So I, when I started looking at that, I then said, okay, so, you know, socially. Well, socially, I definitely was a party girl, and even in high school. Yes, yes, yes, yum. And I won't talk about how old I was because I was early going into high school. I wasn't your typical, you know, 15-year-old, 14, 15, or 15-year-old, I think. So I was younger. And so I kind of had a very mature, advanced high school experience. I'll just leave it at that. No sex, but when we talk about sex, it wasn't sex because it was situations with men. I won't call them assault, but it was situations with boys that traumatized me, and even one was just verbal. That traumatized me for a long time. So again, another reason why one really kind of unraveling and digging up what you experienced in your early years is very helpful to understanding yourself today. So I had a situation— I've talked about it before— I had a situation where I think I was a junior in high school. I was at a party and Everybody was drinking. Close your ears, parents. And a jock who was very popular— so talk about that power, that status, that influence, that dominance. He had status. I had likability at this point. And so he, you know, tried to make a move on me, an aggressive physical move on me, and I shot him down. And I shot him down, it just so happened, in a room full of people. And so even though the music was blaring, certainly people around our, you know, our central location heard it. And the next thing you know, he's kind of pushing me, you know, away, and he's calling me a prude in front of everybody. So by this time, the music had stopped because some, you know, people noticed that something was going on. And so of course everyone heard him calling me a prude, and that kind of— it did not become my nickname, but it was kind of an undercurrent for the, you know, for my senior year, for my latter part of my junior into senior year. And I really did not think about that. It definitely influenced how I thought men or boys saw me, and it did impact my confidence going into my 20s, and it actually into my 30s, I will acknowledge. And so I, you know, I didn't really think about it being tied to that experience until I was actually in my 40s and I started really doing a lot of self-analysis, let's call it. So that's why I think it's really important now, because— or really important to have a conversation about it, because if they— if those experiences, those encounters, those interactions with individuals carry such a weight, that you're bringing them forward into your, into your life, into your behavior, into your relationships, into your intimacy, into how you deal with conflict, how you even deal with money and your career and work. You know, they— you definitely want to understand it, and you want to understand where it comes from. And, and yes, you can go to a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist or a psychologist and work on that, but that's why also life and business leadership type coaching is so relevant and actually so popular because of the fact that everybody needs a sounding board to kind of work through these things. And if you can work on it on your own, that's awesome, and that's why I always talk about journaling as much as I do. So, What would, what would come up for you when you think about your memories, about your friends that you made, about your, you know, your interactions with the opposite sex? Or, you know, maybe you're dealing with, you know, knowing that you're gay or you're wanting to come out of the closet, you know. So from a sexuality perspective, from a, you know, a maturity perspective, from coming into your own, from, you know, being independent. It could be as simple as what did, you know, if you did play sports or you didn't play sports, what did that teach you? I wish today, I have no regrets, I talk about that a lot, but I do wish if I were to do anything differently, I would definitely get into drama and into, you know, into the theater creative space in grade school and high school. I feel I had enough of it externally because my mother— what do you do with 11 kids when, you know, you're in the choir and you're doing the, you know, the school shows like my mother did? You know, you're having to go and play part in those shows because that's the way she can babysit you. Is throwing you into shows. So I think I got enough out of it, you know, there that I was more interested in athletics and hanging out, quite honestly, with the bad kids at school. But what does it mean to, you know, what does it mean to me today? What does it mean to you today when you reflect back on that? And like I said, it can provide a huge amount of information for you to kind of understand. I know when it comes to— I talk to individuals, and I'm not someone who necessarily deals with people that are, you know, dependent on alcohol or drugs or any type of other addiction or obsession or compulsion. Yet there are times, not often in my business leadership coaching, but if I am kind of delving into personal life coaching with individuals, there are times where those things come up. And of course, if you were to go to 12 Steps, maybe, I don't know, or Anon, you know, they may have you really kind of digging into and looking back at, you know, when and where and why did your addiction start. And I'm not an expert, so I don't want to even pretend I could you know, tip my toe into that area. I just know for myself, I can definitely explain away— for myself and my clients, I can definitely explain away a lot of kind of who I am, and it allows me to say who I want to be. And that's what I, you know, I'm always wanting for you is— I think back, and I've shared with you probably to the dismay of my sisters, but I shared with you, and, you know, several years back, about 6 or 7 now, how I was talking about goals and dreams and really knowing what you want and establishing, you know, who you want to be, you know, as you move forward in your life. And, you know, the next thing you know, as I'm broadcasting this radio show, I my sisters who were with me, because it was my traveling Beach Trip show, they were behind me crying, sniffling. And, you know, that has stayed with me because that made me realize how powerful of a message that must have been for them to hear that they should be putting themselves first, that they should be taking care of themselves as much as they take care of so many other people, that they should be giving to themselves as much as they give to others. And that's what continues to drive me to help you to understand who were you then, who are you today, who do you want to be, and what do you need to shed in order to do that. But what do you also need to create and accelerate into your life in order to have a life and be the, be the person you want to be? But lastly, on this whole subject matter, As I had mentioned, it also was important to me to bring up to you and maybe start even more dialogue. I would love to bring on someone, which I will for the new year, bring on someone who could really delve into this, especially as it talks to parents who have children or aunts and uncles who have nieces and nephews or anyone who interacts with young people. We have to know, we have to know that our experiences are great opportunities to teach others. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And especially as your children get into those ages where they have to be, you know, start being talked to as as college-age students, as adults. We have to be able to share with them kind of the impacts life has had on us so then they can see that they're not alone. They don't necessarily need to always hear it from other kids. They can also hear it from you, your friends, and so if there's opportunities or needs for kind of you to be open and honest and raw with yourself and with them, and/or to bring in someone, a friend, an aunt, you know, a colleague, to talk to, you know, your child about something, or you to go into a classroom or onto a playing field to share your own experiences. You know, you're only you're only helping them, you're only enriching them. Yes, it might hurt you, it might be hard, it might be painful. However, the reward is so much greater and so much more worth it. Is that a term? It's so worth it. And so, yes, if you're thinking, well, Bernadette, do you do that? Yes, I certainly do. I have my 22, 23 nieces and nephews. I have friends with children, and I've always had the opportunity to, when asked, to share my good, bad, and ugly with them. And of course, cautious of what the parents want, how they want you to talk to them and how they don't want you to talk to them. And you know that. I would just offer up to you that any opportunities you have to dig into your high school drama, to shed it or to keep it if it's good stuff, and to then use it as a way of growing and transforming and creating the life that you want, then I would hope that you do that. So that is it for today's show. And I will be back next week at noon Eastern time on Tuesday to talk about dealing with the crazies of your family and friends during the holiday and New Year's period. So I hope to have all of you right back here next week, and have a rich, prosperous week, everybody. Take care. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.