Shedding the Bitch Radio - The Sacrifices Made to Make Dreams Come True!

Hi and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio. This is Bernadette Boas. I'm so excited that you're here today. I don't know what it's like wherever you are around the world. Here in Atlanta, we're actually having a typical fall day. It's a little bit overcast, got a chill in the air. I don't think we're going to get above 72, maybe. And it actually, well, I know it's helping with the stink bugs. For the first time ever, we've gotten inundated, invaded I guess is the right word, with stink bugs, which I heard about up in Atlanta, up in Atlanta, up in Philadelphia. We'll talk about why I'm so like ditzy in a moment. But, and I heard about them up in Philadelphia through my sister and a number of my other family members. Never expected them to show up here. And the next thing you know, for the past month, we've been, like I said, inundated, invaded by these, by these creatures. And they're impossible to kill. They're impossible to at least repel, I should say. You can always take a napkin to them, which I do, and, and throw them down the toilet, which I do. But anyway, so, but it's a beautiful day. I hope it is wherever you are, night, day, morning, whatever the case might be. Settle in, We're going to talk about sacrifices today and what you could be doing in order to really kind of take a look at your own goals and your dreams and your passions and what are you willing to sacrifice. I'm asked a lot, a lot about it. I'm asked on a regular occasion about what it is, why it is I'm doing what I'm doing. And giving up what I'm giving up, and do I really feel that it's going to pay off one day? Whether that's financially, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, whatever the case might be. And so that's what kind of spurred this particular conversation is yes to all the above. I truly believe that whatever goal, passion, dream you have that you have confirmed as something that you are willing to make some sacrifices or, or a lot of sacrifices around, then you will make it happen. Whatever that is that you define yourself as to what, what it is that you want to make happen, happen. So we're going to talk about that and we're going to drill into that, and I'm going to share with you my own experiences around the sacrifices that I have made and and kind of some of the reactions and the responses that I've received even from other people as a result of it. So sacrifices, things that you need to give up, it could vary. And therefore, one of my first rich tips to you would be to categorize them. Are they easy sacrifices? Are they hard? Are they impossible sacrifices? Because they do vary, and Yet before you even get there, what you really need to think about is, okay, am I really going to be honest and true to my goal and my dream that I have and that I have had and that's been beating against my chest and creating flutters in my stomach and really getting me excited when I see other people doing the same thing? That you first want to get grounded on, because if you can get grounded on how important it is for you to go and pursue that goal and that dream. It'll make everything else that much easier. So that's your first kind of thing to do, or your first Rich Tip. The next thing is to really, really, really be crystal clear about your why. Why is it that you want to pursue this particular goal, dream, or passion that you have? And make sure that it's as clear as day. It's as clear as water. It's as clear as the sun. Because again, that's going to give you the motivation, support, energy, confidence that you need in order to pursue it. Because then you need those two things to really promote, provoke, propel, and move you forward in Being true and being honest about the sacrifices that you need to make and are willing to make. So moving on to sacrifices is determining what are those sacrifices— the easy, hard, and impossible. And basically they stem from what is it going to take for you to achieve your goal, your passion, your, your dream? What do you possess now? And then what do you need in order to do it? So let's break it down, and I'll use myself as an example because people ask me all the time, why is it, how is it you're going about, you know, you did your book to begin with, now you're writing the screenplay, God knows what you're going to come up with next. It's kind of the typical reaction that I get from most people. So what, you know, how did you go through the process? So I decided to write the book, and the book wasn't anything monetarily. The book wasn't about anything else except apologizing and asking for forgiveness, so to speak, and explaining myself for being the type of person that I have. And if you're listening for the first time to Shedding the Bitch Radio, the book I'm referring to is my first book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch, which is my story about me being a really nasty person and trying to apologize and explain what provoked me to become that person, and then You know, what was that result? And then how have I since shedded all of that junk, what we call bitches, all that angst, attitudes, negative mindsets, insecurities, fears, in order for me to be who I am today? So, Shedding the Bitch, Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the book, and then due to a lot of people asking about it, I am now writing the screenplay. So the process that I went through even to decide on that was, okay, so I'm hearing all this noise, all this buzz, all this excitement around this story potentially being a movie. Okay, I had plans for that. I saw that. But at the same time, it wasn't for a number more years. And yet, okay, so there's a lot of noise around it. I'm busy right now, but not impossible, you know, not with an impossible schedule that I wouldn't be able to fit it in. All right, so I sat down and I just logically laid out, is this something that I really want to be doing? Why? Why is it that I want to be doing it? And then what am I willing to do, what am I willing to sacrifice in order to do it? And I engaged a number of people to help me through that process professionally, from a business coach who's also a dear friend now. Family members, friends, just to kind of talk through this whole idea. And so I did. I decided that yes, this was something I will be pursuing. Okay, so how am I going to go about doing that? I'm working pretty much full-time with a client. I would— if I wasn't with them, I'd have to be prospecting for other clients in order to be able to eat and, you know, have a roof over my head. And so how am I going to fit this into my schedule. Now this was back in December of 2012, I guess. Yep, 2012. And so then we also had some future events, future pitch opportunities that were going to be in the November-December of this year's timeframe. So that's how I was able to set a goal. Okay, so it's December of 2012. 12, and therefore I'm going to need to have this done by— let's generalize it and say December of 2013. Okay, so what does that mean? What is that going to take in order for me to do this? I've never written a screenplay before. I have no idea what that means. I have no idea what's involved. I have no idea about anything. So then, you know, you just kind of lay out— and if you hear or see some of my exasperation, I'm in a very overwhelmed state at the moment, I'll be telling you. But at the same time, I'm thrilled to be here because you're giving me an opportunity to kind of let it all out and, and talk about it and just kind of breathe a little bit. So I laid out a schedule, okay? If I work these amount of hours on my core business, and there, that leaves me evenings and weekends, then First sacrifice. Am I willing to do that? Do I want to give up my evenings and my weekends? Yes or no? Real simple. Yes or no? Okay, which evenings and weekends? Some? All? What hours of the weekend? You know, there's a full day Saturday, full day Sunday. What hours each day are you willing to do that? So I kind of laid all that out. Charlie, hey bud, it's Stop, okay? Stop. So I laid all that out, and then it was a matter of, okay, so what does this mean if it starts kind of creeping into my work hours or my prospecting, looking for new work, projects over and above what I'm working on? And the sacrifice, if the answer was, well, we would be using some of those hours to finish the screenplay to hit the deadline, which actually has happened, especially recently, then the sacrifice is, am I really earning the money that I need in order to survive? Quite honestly, that's a— that's— that was the question. Am I going to earn enough to pay mortgage, pay my health insurance, pay all my bills, eat, you know, and really kind of invest in the, in the business? I mean, just going to Starbucks for the data to work is an investment because I have to spend spend $5, $10 to sit there, not just to sit there but to have a coffee or to at least make it seem as if I'm contributing to their business since they're giving me their space. And that's a sacrifice, that's money coming out of much-needed monies to go into the business and/or to help you to survive. So you kind of just talk through all those things and my Rich Tip would be to make the list. What are the easy things to give up? What are the hard things to give up? What are the impossible things to give up? And you'll find that you have things in all 3 of those buckets, and hopefully they are in all 3 and not just everything's impossible for you to do. So I'll break it down for myself, and real quickly, a funny story in the easy column was toilet paper. Okay, I would sacrifice my nice, soft, cushiony Charmin toilet paper, and therefore I said, okay, where, you know, who's got the cheapest toilet paper, even if I have to buy it in bulk, blah, blah, blah. And landed up at Walmart. I don't have a Costco card. Landed up at Walmart and started buying my toilet paper at Walmart and saving probably $2 a container of whatever it was that I was buying. Okay, so add that to savings on paper towels and tissues and all the other commodities that it takes to live, and I was now saving a lot of money, but actually also making sacrifices because yes, I'd prefer any time Charmin over you know, potential sandpaper, you know what I mean? But at the same time, I really just didn't think twice about it. I just didn't think twice about it. And you don't think twice about things, even as much as you want those things, when you are doing what you know and truly believe is the right thing that you should be doing. It just doesn't become a challenge for you. You're willing to do it. So the hard column— the hard column for me was not having a real haircut in a couple of years, not having my nails manicured in several years, along with my toes, along with a regular, you know, changing of the wardrobe and the shoes and the pocketbooks and the accessories and all of those kind of things. I mean, those things definitely— based on what I would do is based on the number of clients or the number of prospects and their meetings that I would have to go to, What type of wardrobe do I really absolutely need to have versus want to have? And then I would sit there and I would just purge anything and everything that really I didn't need, didn't use, in order to then go to my impossible, impossible sacrifice. And this year it was my home, my house, my four walls. At the beginning of the year when we, we started going down this path of the screenplay, I was realizing that I was going to have to put as much into this process, into my survival, as needed in order for me to, you know, achieve this goal, achieve this dream that I had. And that was going to mean giving up my home, my house, my four walls, because it was just becoming financially detrimental to me as much as even just a mental worrying about it, being stressed about it, knowing that all that money could be going into my business, my goals, my dreams, even just my survival, quite honestly. So I put it up for sale. June or July, I put it up for sale. Now, you know, circumstances changed, and long story short, I was able to rent the main house. I was able to move into a part of the house and not have to leave the property, which saved also a lot of stress, a lot of burden. I have a big dog, that type of thing. But that process was quite daunting. The decision-making process probably took 6 months just to get me mentally in a place to say my impossible column of sacrifices was going to have to get done because my goal was that important to me. And so we went down that path, and this took an army because not from an execution perspective, just from a mental perspective. So I kind of engaged key people, about 4 or 5 of them, that could help me through that thought process, that decision-making process, and then support me through the process because it was going to be quite emotional for me. Um, this isn't just 4 walls, a house. This is my home. So anyway, So my impossible column, you know, I had to focus on and attack. My hard column, I had to. And my easy column, I had to. I mean, there was sacrifices all across the board. And yet, if I had to do it again, and if I have to continue making sacrifices, which I do on a daily basis— sleep, for instance, that's why I'm a little bit batty— at the moment, then I'm still focused, still determined, still very faith-driven that I'm doing what I should be doing, and therefore I'm willing to make those sacrifices. So those are just questions you need to ask yourself. What is, what is my goal and my dream or my passion? How important is it to me? Why is it important to me? What am I willing to give up in order to achieve it? And then all the other questions about, okay, so how do I go about achieving it, becomes a whole different conversation and a whole different planning process. But we're talking about sacrifices, and those are the things that you need to think about when it comes to the sacrifices. And yes, some of them are going to send you into absolute historical tears. Some of them are just going to be nits. They're just going to be like, oh yeah, whatever, okay, I'll give up, you know, 5 5 dollar lattes per week in order to be able to put that money toward whatever it is that you want to do. And that's relatively easy. For some, I guess caffeine's not, but for some it's easy. For others, you know, it's going to be that hard column that really gets them. And then of course the impossible column would get anybody. And again, you're just constantly— it's really, if you took the emotion out of it and you really looked at it as to it's a bunch of black and white questions with logical answers of you deciding yes or no that really allows you to move toward whatever it is that you, that you want and that you're willing to pursue. Because, I mean, it really is that simple. Because after that, the nos are going to send you in a certain direction, the whys are going to send you in a different, another direction. But either one of those directions are going to send you the way that you're deciding and that you're than logically making decisions on. But it's the difference between logic and emotional. You know, if you're making it because you're not willing to give up your manicures and your hair and your nights out and your friends and your— whatever— the pretty, you know, shawl that lays on the bed. If you're not willing to do those things, then obviously you're going to find any and every reason to say no. I don't need this goal, I don't need this dream, I don't need this passion as much as it's beating at my chest. Alright, so that's the kind of the first phase of the sacrificing, because the whole next phase becomes even more— more— I don't want to call it emotional, but with more feeling, which I know is emotions, but with more feeling. And that is you're going to sacrifice family, friends, peers, and everything else. Not because of the fact that you no longer can go out, you know, 5 times a week or maybe at all, or because you can't, you know, network or prospect as much as you want to, or you're not going to be able to, you know, you're not going to be able to go on that special trip that a bunch of your friends or your colleagues are going on, whatever the case might be. It won't be those natural things because you've decided to make sacrifices. It's going to be more of the subtle things that are going to be at first painful, but then you just need to decide if you're going to allow them to sabotage what it is that you're doing. So let me peel the onion a little bit more. So some of the other sacrifices are going to be you're pursuing your goals and your dreams. Other people, most of them, are not. And therefore, as much as you are and people want to support you, there's a fear factor on their part that comes into play. A fear factor that basically says, and a little inner voice, what we call bitches here in Shedding the Bitch community, these little bitches in their head that are gonna say, well, well, you know, good for her, and you know, oh, good for him, or he's never gonna be able to do it, or he's, you know, not cut out, you know, to be a singer or to travel around the world or to climb Mount Everest or to have a baby or whatever the case might be. And therefore, as a result of all that junk that they're dealing with, you know, internally, then they're going to project that onto you in some way, shape, or form. They're going to project it onto you as naysayers, you know, kind of tearing you down, telling you you can't do something. It might even be subtle, like, "Are you sure?" I got a lot of this. "Are you sure you want to give up your corporate career and your identity and you're going to lose all those friends and all those people and that big salary?" salary in that big office. Are you sure? You know, there's that. And then there's, you're never going to succeed in being a writer. You're never going to blah blah. You're never going to blah blah. You need to have— that's why you need to be really, really crystal clear around your goal, your dream, your passion, why it's important to you, and the sacrifices you're willing to make. And one of those sacrifices is going to need to be I'm willing to sacrifice and tune out or give up the people in my life that are going to tear me down or keep me from achieving what it is that I want to achieve. So you have to think through that and prepare yourself for that early on, because when it happens, it hurts. And even as well prepared as you are, it's still going to hurt. When it happens. So that brings me to kind of the next layer of that. So you have the ones that are obvious, you have the naysayers that are really obvious, they're in your face, they're blasting it on the internet. I've had a number of those, or they're telling you straight out. And then you have those that kind of just dance around it like we talked about, kind of just kind of, "Are you sure?" They make you doubt yourself. And then you have those that go completely silent, completely quiet. And those are sometimes the worst because those really get to you. Those are going to start gnawing at you. And I'll give you an exact example. So I kicked off this Kickstarter program this week. Um, won't discuss a lot about that, but there's a Kickstarter program out there and it requires a great deal of support, especially social support, meaning a lot of people online talking about it, tweeting it, Facebooking it, you know, doing whatever, Reddit, Reddit, Reddit, Reddit, whatever. And it does, it requires a lot of that to help it kind of go viral so people learn of it and they can come and support and donate and pledge to you. And so then as part of that, you have to start communicating that out to people. And as much as I love communicating out to people, I really, really, really don't like to bombard you. And yet with this type of program, you have 30 days to get it done. So there's going to be some degree, especially on Twitter, there's going to be some degree of that. And yet at the same time, you try not to make it ridiculous, but at the same time you have to. And so you think, okay, well, that's easy. You're not asking them necessarily to give you money. You're just asking them to share something. You're asking them to click on something. You're asking them to you know, tweet something, and yet, yet you just don't get any responses. You don't get anybody even pledging. You don't get the closest people in your life— family, friends, or peers, or colleagues, whomever— responding, reacting, doing. And so it'll, it'll hit you. It'll hit you hard, and it'll disappoint you, and you'll be hurt. And you actually won't know how you feel, and you don't— you won't know how actually you're going to long-term respond to that because it's very, it's very hurtful. Here you have this goal in your dream, and it appears that they're not supporting it. So the cautionary tale here is, and my rich tip to you is, don't judge anybody's response to anything, because you just don't know. You don't know what's going on in their life. You don't know if even they got your messages. You don't know if they are so strapped themselves financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, technically, that they can't— that they can't support you, that they can't do what it is that you want them to do. And even more so, again, it goes back to those people that have their own goals and dreams, but they're not pursuing it. Some people just shut down and don't do anything and avoid and ignore and just pretend it's not there, only because they're afraid of confronting themselves, not you. So one of the sacrifices you need to make is you need to be able to, to be okay with that. You need to be able to give up your pride. You need to be able to give up your, your emotion to, to the fact that this is important to you, and yet it might not— it's not that it's not important to them, it just might not be something that they're able to deal with, right, wrong, or indifferent. And you've got to be okay with that. Because you certainly don't want it to affect your relationships, your business connections, whatever the situation might be, because you just don't know what is going on in their head and in their heart, in their life. And for you to sit there and judge it is not in any way, shape, or form appropriate, and it's just going to— it's just going to gnaw at you and you're going to sabotage yourself. As opposed to just moving on and working it with a whole other population of people, even if they're strangers. Alright, so there's a whole degree of different sacrifices that are made when you go and attempt to pursue your goals and your dreams, and you just need to decide how you're gonna go about doing it, what you're willing to do, what you're not willing to do. And when you get to the point of you're not willing to do it, then I would just stress to find somebody that can help you really look at it logically, black and white, on a piece of paper, unemotional. Because you would— I would hate for you, but you would hate yourself if you gave up on something simply because today, right now, at this very moment in time that you're looking at this thing and you're getting overwhelmed about it, you walk away from what it is that you always wanted. And the next thing you know, you have regret. Right? So you need to kind of build that support system around you. And it might not be from the people that you would expect. It might be from a whole different group of people, but whatever it is. And before you are— before you walk away from what you've deemed in some degree a goal, passion, or a dream that you have for yourself, I would do anything and everything to break that thing apart and really determine for yourself if it's something you should be pursuing or not, and then you go from there. If I've allowed all the negative, all the junk that's come at me over the last, especially forget, you know, the time I was in corporate and what I was doing there from an ambition, success, climbing the corporate ladder, achievement, all that perspective. Just looking at the last 4 or 5 years, if I have allowed myself to listen to all that junk and to let it really influence my final decisions as to what I should do, I would have never started my first business, certainly wouldn't have started my second business, would never have considered writing the book, or let alone taking that book and building a brand, taking that brand and, you know, making a screenplay, running around the country talking about it, you know, starting this radio program. You know, none of that would have happened. So you need to ensure that you've done everything and anything to break and rip apart, uh, what it is that you were considering. And then of course, like I'm going to have to— you have to then get to a point where if it doesn't seem to be getting traction, if it doesn't seem to be working, if it doesn't seem to be catching anybody's attention, if it doesn't seem to be rocking your world, then you then make a decision at that point. But make sure it's at the right point, is the point. The point, the point, the point. You know what I mean? Because again, there does come a time, for instance, if, you know, if you're pursuing a singing career and yet time and time and time and time and time and time and time again you're getting the door closed on you, time and time and time and time again, and you're getting expert advice, you're getting expert assessment, you're getting expert coaching and mentoring and, you know, they're continuing to tell you the same thing, then it might come a time where you have to say, okay, this isn't for me. And that's what's heartbreaking watching all these like talent shows and singing contests and whatnot. There's just some that aren't realistic about what it is that their goal, passion, or hobby is, or actually goal, passion, or dream is. And sometimes in a very dramatic, unnecessary way, the coaches will tell them, and then in some supportive and consoling way they'll tell them. But then it's up to that person to decide one way or the other. All right, so from Shedding the Bitch Radio and our whole community, there's sacrifices to every dream, and the decision you just need to make is, are you willing to make those sacrifices in order to achieve those dreams and those goals. And I am right here for you to cheer you on and to motivate you and support you, but also provide some tough love in that decision-making process should you need it. So tune in every Tuesday at noon Eastern time on Shedding the Bitch Radio. Come right back to me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and of course SheddingtheBitch.com. Share your thoughts, share your input, share your stories and your challenges and your pains. And allow myself and the Shedding the Bitch community to help you discover, confront, and shed those bitches that might be holding you back so you can create and accelerate the riches you want and desire from this life. Alright, so all of that because I'm exasperated and I'm on to dealing with all my dreams and my goals right now. But for everybody here, I will see you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another round of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Have a good day everybody, bye!