Shedding the HOLIDAY Bitches and Blues

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/SheddingtheBitch or share share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! It is a Stunning day here in Atlanta, Georgia. A little cold, little crispy, but it is sunny. It is nice and sunny. I've had a lot of cloudy days lately, literally, not mentally or anything else like that. And even in Florida all of last week, there were some clouds and some rain, but actually I welcomed it because I'm not a sun worshiper. So I don't mind going out and playing pickleball and sitting in the shade. But I hope you had a beautiful, beautiful Thanksgiving. And if you missed our show last week, we talked about gratitude. That is the time of year, although we would hope that we're all focused on that on a daily basis. And that's basically what our conversation last week was all about. So go back to blogtalkradio.com/jennandthebitchradio. Or you can go to sheddingthebitch.com and our latest post included the replay of last week's show. It was a great conversation in regards to just how we can take time this time of year when everything seems to be just going crazy and really truly be grateful for the things in our lives. Not just the simple, I'm grateful for my family, for my friends, which obviously we all are. But more so really taking time for yourself to consider what it is that you are truly, truly grateful for. So listen in on that and always go back to our blog post on ShadingTheBitch.com. Let me know your thoughts, your comments, and if there is anything that you would love us to be addressing. We will be making changes to the program as we get into the new year. So would love your feedback in regards to that and what ideas, suggestions, even some constructive feedback in regards to the program. Anyway, let's see what else is happening. This week we're going to be talking about shedding the holiday bitches and blues. This is a tough year for many people, and I thought that it deserved its own focus, and I'd love to provide you some hacks, some tips, some advice, maybe, maybe some tough love so you can ensure that this is a very joyful, a very peaceful, and a very fun, very fun time of the year as opposed to a stressful time of the year. Because one survey that I came across that I wanted to highlight it as we get into this conversation from the American Psychological Association. They uncovered some interesting data about the holiday blues. One, it's not really easy to measure. So, this is based on more qualitative type of questions that he put into their survey. And so, the feedback is while the majority of people in the survey reported feelings of happiness and love and high spirits, those emotions were often accompanied by feelings of fatigue, irritability, bloating, and sadness. 38% of people surveyed said their stress level increased during the holiday season. Now, this is what I found surprising, and so this pertains to both your business and your personal life. Surprisingly, 56% of respondents reported they experienced the most amount of stress this time of year at work, and only 29% experienced greater amount of stress at home. So let's talk hacks and tips and ways that you can minimize, even prevent any stressors, any bitches, any blues that might come up for you. It is all about self-awareness. It's all about really going inward and taking some very intentional time to consider what might be getting in your way of having a very joyful, peaceful, and transformative time of the year. You deserve it. We all deserve it. So if you're new to the program, we introduce a rich question as we transition into the topic of conversation, whether it's just with me, as you have today, or it's with one of our guests. And the rich question is meant to ground you in the topic we're going to be talking about. It has you thinking ahead of time, and we're going to talk about that a lot more during this program, It has you really considering your place or position in regards to the topic, and then we get into it and we hope to provide you those tips, pieces of advice, tough love, answer your questions that you might have come up with during the conversation. If not, then you can always, always reach into the Shedding the Bitch community, whether that's on Facebook, on Twitter, #shedthebitch, or you can reach out to me directly, Bernadette Boas at sheddingthebitch.com, and I get a lot of you, the majority of you, having conversations with me on LinkedIn, right in my messenger there, and I am part of a number of groups and people reach out to me in those groups specific to a topic. So however you need to get your support and however you need to be able to confront and shed and accelerate the riches in your life, then that's what we want to do. All right, so your rich question: What bitches or blues do you experience this time of year? So bitches and blues could be insecurity, sadness. Maybe you do kind of fall further into depression. Maybe you're lonely. Maybe you are stressed and anxious about expectations. Being put upon you. We're going to talk about all of this as we get into the conversation. So what bitches or blues? I want you to be honest. I want you to be real and raw. It's only a question you're asking yourself, and you have some time to take a breath, sit, and really consider and contemplate on this. But what are they? What do you experience this time of year? Now, if you're one who just experiences joy and peace and fun and livelihood, you know, liveliness, then kudos to you and feel free to share what it is that you do out on our Shedding the Bits Facebook or Twitter page. We engage the whole community in providing you the resources and support that you need to create the riches and life you deserve. So that's your question. We're going to leave you just very, you know, just briefly, come back and dive into this and get you those hacks and tips that you could be using to address the top issues and the top things that get people all in a wad and have them generate those bitches in their life that they do want to shed. So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity. So they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com. Solutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking about shedding the holiday blues and bitches. Bitches or blues, however you want to look at it. And I should mention that if you are out there and if you have a question or you have a situation of your own, you can always call into us, 1-818-572-2910. Periodically throughout the program, I'll open up the lines. And if you are sitting out there and I can see you or Deborah can see you out there in the studio, you don't have to say anything. You could just sit out there and continue to listen, and we'll transition into continuing the conversation. If you want to, you can also chat with us. You can go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio, scroll down to this episode, open it up, and you'll find a chat room there. And that is also active and used throughout the program should you choose to want to go that route. To make a comment, ask a question, whatever the case might be. All right, again, 1-818-572-2910. And I'll be doing that in roughly 2 or 3 minutes, opening up the lines. And again, you can sit out there and just listen, or you can say, hey Bernadette, I'm here and I have a comment to make. All right, so let's get into this conversation. And let's first though ground ourselves. The rich question is, what are those bitches and blues that are getting in your way of having a beautiful holiday season? But what is it? What is it that causes people those blues? And according to this survey from the American Psychological Association, their list based on that survey is lack of time, lack of money, commercialism, which I found very interesting, and we're going to talk about it, the pressures of gift-giving, and family gatherings. Now I added a my, a couple of my own, or a little twist on things. So the family gatherings could also be work-related. So look at family, friends, maybe socials you're being invited to, and especially work situations. As I coach both leadership and business, I have a lot of conversations with my clients this time of year and all year round around the pressures of having to be social and meeting not only their colleagues and their peers, but their family members, like their wives or husbands or partners or whomever it might be, even kids. So we'll talk about that as well. But as we're talking through each one of these, and we are, we're going to break down each one of those. I'll add my own as well, but then I'm going to give you hacks and tips and advice for each one of them. You can look at that list and think, okay, that's stuff I deal with all year round—lack of time, lack of money, even commercialism, all the advertising that's just constantly barraging us. So these tips and advice aren't just for this time of year but can be all year round. Now what I also found interesting, and maybe you will too, what I also found interesting in my research is whereas so much kind of attention, like myself, is put on this time of year being, you know, blue-ridden, I'll call it. This isn't the highest level of suicides, for instance, that is reported. Actually, it's like April through August is when the highest level of suicides occur. So it's not even this time of year. So fortunately, that means that yes, people are stressed, yes, people are sad and depressed, Yet it's at a certain level which, you know, all of it we can control, and that's the beautiful thing. You have control proactively, in the moment, and reactively to what it is that could be getting in your way of just, ah, and enjoying the holiday. So we're gonna talk through all of that. Now I do wanna throw out, I'm not sure if I would call it a caution, But there is a difference between holiday blues, as I just mentioned in regards to levels, and something much deeper, something more serious. And all I would suggest to you is, should you fall into depression or sadness, whatever the case might be, and you shake it off following the holidays, you could probably, you know, attribute it to the holidays. If you're unable to shake it off and you are continuing to be challenged, then I definitely would suggest seeking out professional help. As we all know, mental health is not, is not anything anybody should be ashamed of or afraid of addressing or embarrassed by, whatever the case might be. We all deal with mental health. Mental health is so vast, and we all kind of get in the blues and we all have the highs. And so what we have to really be open and honest and transparent about is recognizing that we can all use a helping hand, some kind words, some constructive, maybe even some tough love words, and the support in order for us to be able to, really, really, uh, create and accelerate what it is in life that we want and deserve. All right, but do know that beyond the holidays, should you be dealing with anything, you might want to, uh, definitely seek out some even medical professionals and, and mental health professionals. All right, just wanted to make sure I got that in there. Uh, let's see. All right, so Before we get into the list, there's a few things I just wanted to be able to highlight. And again, if you're out there via phone or chat and you choose to want to pose a question or ask a question, there is a way on the phone line to kind of raise your hand, so to speak. And in the chat room, you can just scribble right there in the chat room. Isn't that wonderful? All right. So— I suggest to my clients, to my friends, to people I just come across, whether it's in my speaking engagements or in my personal life, always have a goal for a situation because goals really keep you grounded and help you to not only identify what it is you should be doing but what it is you shouldn't be or what it is you shouldn't get yourself wrapped up in., or in this case of our conversation today, what it is that you should not allow yourself to get stressed, sad, depressed, whatever those bitches or blues are for you. So if going into this season, so to speak, and if we had this conversation a few weeks ago, I would have said going into the Thanksgiving time period, sit down and really think for yourself, what is it I want to feel and experience and be grateful for at the end of the season, making it a very rich season for yourself. What are those things? What is it you want to be focused on? Well, I want to be stress-free from any drama. I want to make sure that I— and get specific, and you can always look for multiple episodes and programs that I have out on SheddingTheBitch.com regarding SMART goal setting. We're not gonna get into all that right now. But just set a goal around, for instance, myself. I lost 35 pounds on Weight Watchers since March. I certainly wanna treat myself over the next several weeks, but I wanna be smart about the fact that, you know, I don't wanna put on too many pounds. If I put on a pound or two, I can control and manage that. But anything else, I'm really not going to have an easy time after the New Year. I'm not gonna wanna have to start all over again. So, set yourself a goal, and once you've established that goal, what is the outcome you want from that goal? What is it that you want to achieve? Well, I want to ensure that I stay in a particular weight goal situation. Well, I wanna be sure that my interactions with my family or my friends are very joyful and effective and engaging as opposed to any tension. At work, I want to feel comfortable, and I want to be able to get to know my colleagues, my peers, my bosses, their families, so forth and so on. So establish a goal for yourself. It will help tremendously in managing and making sure you stay in the line, so to speak. All right. Excuse me. Deborah is reaching out to me. Now, from there, what I also want you to do, just as you do your budget, I want you to plan. I want you to plan out what exactly do you need to do in order to achieve that goal during the season. Our to-do list seems to expand greatly during this time of year. I don't know about you, but I don't even do a lot of spending, and we'll talk about that as we go, but I don't do really a lot of spending. Yet at the same time, I know that there will be additional costs that I need to be thinking about, even from just going out and having dinners, having a cocktail here and there, buying someone champagne, whatever the case might be. So what you really want to do, just as you do hopefully The rest of the year is really plan out your— not only your goals, but those action items you need to do to achieve that goal. And then from that action item list, you know, prioritize and really figure out what it is that you should be focused on and what it is that you should not in order to achieve those goals. And I want you to write it down. Literally, you know, take time, put it in a journal, a handbook, whatever the case might be, online. If you're one of those people who use apps, and really write it out. I talk all the time about the fact that writing things, taking it from your head to your pen or your hand down onto a piece of paper, really helps to kind of instill that goal or that comment or that thought or that action into your being, and it helps you to be a lot more efficient and effective. In actually then realizing what it is you've laid out for yourself. What I want you to be thinking about, too, is I want you to acknowledge, as our rich question at the top of the hour talked about, I want you to acknowledge what is it about the holidays that might be very positive for you, because you really want to appreciate, you know, the joy, the peace, the fun, the liveliness, you know, you feeling good within your skin, all the good things, all the beauty marks as I call them. But you also want to acknowledge what are those bitches and blues, what are those warps that you tend to feel and experience during this time of year. If it is tension, if it is sadness, if it is insecurity, if it is just feeling not good enough, or unworthy, whatever it might be, acknowledge it because every problem has a solution. Every piece of self-awareness that you, you have and make for yourself, you can find a way around it, a way through it, a way under it, a way to just eliminate it from your life and from your heart and your psyche. So, identify those things. And then also talk about or write out what are you willing to do to prevent it or minimize whatever those stressors or blues are. What are those things you're going to do to enhance and enrich what you love about the season, how you feel about the season? Again, you want to look at all aspects of your heart and your mind and say, okay, so what is it that I want to build up and what is it that I want to minimize or eliminate. You're in total control about how you respond and react to this time of year and all year round. So consider taking time to actually pay attention to that and pay attention to you, even if it's 5, 10, 15 minutes of kind of scribbling some things out and coming up with some things you'll continue to do and some things you'll stop doing, or you'll at least work toward stop doing if you're not able to eliminate it completely. And you're going to— I'll explain more about that as we go through the different areas where people really get kind of hung up. And reflecting back to that American Psychological Association survey, those areas of stressors that people are dealing with. All right, so let's dive into those, shall we? And I do want to provide you some hacks and tips. You can grab a pen so you can scribble some things down. You can come back and listen or watch this. I am videotaping, and we'll have that up on our Shed in the Bitch YouTube channel. But you always can come back and make reference to what it is we discussed so you can ensure that you're leveraging these hacks and tips. All right, so lack of time. Who doesn't lack time? We just don't have enough time in our world, do we? But yet every one of us have the same 24 hours in a day. So why are some people calm, cool, and collected and others aren't? It really comes down to just planning. It does. It comes down to prioritizing. It comes down to delegating. It comes down to knowing what it is you want to achieve at the end of whatever it is, for instance, the holiday season, and ensuring that what you're doing toward that is working toward that goal. And whatever it is not, you need to be eliminating it. So make that to-do list, just like I would— coach you to do any other time of the year, and what you would probably do any goal or adventure or experience you want to have. You lay out a plan. You know, they always talk about— coaches always talk about, you know, when you go on a road trip, you put together a map. It might be on your phone, but you put together a plan as to where you're going to stop and, you know, for gas, where you're going to stop for rest, where you're going to eat. You know, you're going to look at Waze or Google Maps to ensure that you're looking ahead of any barriers or traffic jams, whatever the case might be. You know, I did that last week driving back from Florida where I spent the Thanksgiving holiday, and thank God I did because there was a 22-mile backup on 75 that Waze kind of started alerting me of and was able to get me around it. So just like you do anything else, if you really want to have a powerful, fun, and joyful holiday season, you'll make sure that you lay out a plan for yourself. Alright? Now, what I want you to do after you have the plan, after you've created your to-do list, in order for you to save time and not get in the rut of the lack of time, is I want you to look at that to-do list. And I want you to be really hard on yourself as far as what is it you can delete from that list. Yes, is it nice to have? Yes. Will it impress your friends? Yes. Will it taste good? Yes. Will it make someone, you know, smile? But yet, is it absolutely necessary? Because it's just going to cause you additional craziness to get it done, then delete it. Be okay with the fact that your holiday or your celebration or whatever the case might be doesn't have to be absolutely perfect. Life is messy. Every day is messy. Sometimes it's very minor and you barely see it, and other times it just is slapping you in the face, but life is messy. Be okay with that, because that will give you so much more breathing room to just simply sit and really enjoy. Alright? So take that list, look at it to decide what can you delete from that list. Then I want you to look at it and say, okay, what can I delegate to somebody else? I'll never forget a few years before my mother passed, she decided, and she told my one sister, I don't want any of us cooking or cleaning. I don't want to deal with the mess before, during, or after. I want to hire someone to come in or a team to come in and take care of our meal for us. Now, mind you, meals at our house just for the immediate family is for 55, 56 people between my 11 brothers and sisters, their spouses, the children, it's a party in itself, and it is, I love it, but it is crazy and it can be very stressful, and she said, "Nope, I'll spend the money to get a team of people in." So on your list, what could you be doing and what could you be delegating, whether it's to your kids, to your spouse or partner, to your friends that are maybe coming to a party or maybe coming to celebrate the day with you, whether it's a business colleague that you're planning or holding a social for. Whatever the case might be, look at that list and decide, what am I deleting, what am I delegating? And then there might be things that you're designating that you need to do, but what I want you to do, and I talk about this a lot, I want you to plan when you're going to do each of those things that remain on your list. So if you have 10 things on your list, you need to pick up the turkey, or you need to go and shop for clothes, or you need to take care of the kids' stuff at school, whatever the case might be, proactively, in advance, look at your to-do list and schedule, just like you would any other appointment that you're not gonna cancel, Schedule when you're gonna get it done. Now for those entrepreneurs out there, keep in mind what your revenue-generating hours are, and we're not gonna go into a lot of that, but you know when you're still, even this time of year is, and we should have a conversation just centered around this, but I'll just say it very quickly. As your business coach, this is the best time of year to find and close new business. All right, just trust me in that. So where some people, including myself, I've been guilty of it in the past, where some people are like, oh well, people, you know, really don't want to have meetings and they don't have any more budget and I don't want to bother them during the holiday because they're going to be really busy. This is the best time of the year to prospect, uh, present or pitch and close business. And that's all I'm going to say to that. You can go and do some research or reach out to me at another time to learn more about that. But that said, you still have to— whether you're a stay-at-home mom or dad, whether you're in corporate or work for yourself, you still have revenue-generating hours, I'll call it. And that could be your 9-to-5 corporate job. That could be, you know, 10 to 6, 10 to 8. Entrepreneurially, it could be in the evenings. You don't want to mess with those. You don't want to mess with those. You still have work to do in a corporate job and you still have business to be had if you work for yourself. And at home, if you're a stay-at-home, you have obligations already. Maybe you school your kids at home. Things shouldn't change. Keep that normal and then plan around it for everything else that's new, which for the holiday between shopping and cooking and everything else and preparing for your family and whatever, just make sure you plan it out and you time block it onto your calendar, that to-do list that you have. That'll help you, that will help you find time in your day, in your week, and in your season to really just Breathe. Now that closes it, closes that, that brings me, that brings me to my last closing tip, and that is carve out, even if it's 5 minutes a day, every day, 5 minutes for yourself. It could be just to sit in a chair, close your eyes, and breathe. It could be to lay down and listen to a meditation tape. It could be to take a walk. It could be to stroke your pet or play with your kids, whatever the case might be. Carve out time every day to just not think about all the chaos that's going on around you, just for yourself. Go inward and really appreciate what the day, week, and the season is building up to be for yourself. And that'll help you also just to kind of keep calm and really get clear on what it is you should and should not be doing. All right, we're gonna take a quick break. When we get back, we're gonna get into the lack of money, commercialism, and those other stressors, and with hacks and tips for you to have a joyful, rich holiday season. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to decide discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, Email us at media-relations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, we are talking holiday bitches and blues and how to shed them. I had mentioned that you are able to call in 1-818-572-2910 or you can chat in with us and I'm going to open up the lines both on chat and the phone and if anybody has a comment or question, just let me know. Anybody out there with a comment or a question? All right, then we'll just continue. Obviously people are listening, um, and just don't want to say anything, which is perfectly fine, perfectly fine. All right, we're going to get into lack of money. What are some hacks and tips for you to de-stress over lack of money? And this is where I'm going to be a quite a bit with tough love here. Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever it is that you celebrate from Thanksgiving to January 1st comes every year. So you have now 12 months to plan for next year. So lack of money is definitely one that you can absolutely— well, all of these you can control, but you can control this. You could be setting your plan and your budget right now you could be outlining who it is you're going to buy gifts for and who you're not, or maybe there's other things that you're going to do instead. I'll never forget, I have 22 nieces and nephews, and they, you know, they range— well, now they range from 14 to 32. So we still have young, you know, young ones. And up until like 5 years ago, you know, obviously the 14-year-old was just, you know, 9, maybe 8. And yet they all pulled together, the 22 of them, and they decided that they did not want their Secret Santa, Pollyanna, I think our family calls it Pollyanna, they didn't want it to be about gifts. They wanted to find a cause that is dear to the family's heart, dear to the kids' heart, and they want to put that money they were going to be spending, that budget they were going to be spending toward their Pollyanna, and put it toward that cause. Now they came up with that idea all on their own, and they've been doing it ever since. So you have an opportunity right now on November 27th. You might not want to get caught up in thinking about next year, I don't blame you, but you have an opportunity to really plan out and come up with what it is that you're going to put toward your holiday season. And then you have time to kind of put little tricks and strategies in place. And we could talk about this at the beginning of the year when we kick off with time management type of subjects for the new year. But, and you can have a whole 9, 10, 11 months to really get yourself in a position where you're not stressing about it. Because there is never enough time, there is never enough money. Yet there are things that you could be doing to not allow what you already know to negatively affect you. All right? But here are some things that you could certainly be doing even now for the next, you know, 4 or 5 weeks as we lead into January 1st, because quite honestly, the stress doesn't only come during the season. It comes when everyone is then thinking about after-holiday spend., and so that's a whole activity in itself, but then the stress also builds when those bills start coming in, in, you know, mid to late January. So definitely want to get ahead of the curve, and you definitely want to be able to proactively address it so it does— it minimizes, if it doesn't prevent, your stress level. All right, plan it now. Plan how much are you, you know, wanting to spend spend, not what you want to spend, but what do you need to spend, and who is it, and where is it, and how is it that you need to spend it. So there are people that need to buy gifts for not only their family and friends, but even for colleagues or for employees. You know that right now. You know all of those places where they're going to take your money, even for socials, even for food and spending. Having cocktails with friends. Planning it out and really being strict with yourself as far as where that money needs to leave your wallet and go towards is something that you 99.9% of the time know where it is. And then that other point is because of the fact that there could be a surprise. God forbid something happens or there's a leak in the house or your car breaks down, whatever the case might be. So lay it out. Who are the people? Where are the places? What are the things I need to be spending money on? And make sure, make sure, because a lot of people don't even think about simple things like gift wrapping paper, tissue paper that goes into boxes, tape, ribbons, All of those things really add up if you're not paying attention to it. So if you've laid out your goal as to what it is that you want this season to mean to you, you laid out your plan, you have a budget attached to that plan, and you have all the things, all the details underneath that, you know, and you have that on January 1st, let's say, going into the new year, or you have it on November 27th before maybe you race out to the stores or get online and start spending. You could still have time to kind of rein yourself in, get a plan in place, and make sure that of all the things, you know, that stresses you out during this season, it doesn't need to be about money. You only have a certain amount of money because you do not want to go broke or in the red this time of year because you can manage and control that. Now one big thing I want to say about all that too is Being one of 12, my parents, from the time we were little pikes, they set expectations with us very, very early on in regards to what it is they are willing to spend money on for us. Not able to, but willing to spend money on. Because with 12 kids, you obviously have to budget. Now, I didn't really see my parents sitting down and creating budgets or doing spreadsheets, yet they knew and set expectations from the time we were born that, for instance, most of our Christmas gifts would be handmade. We'd be making them for each other. We'd get one big gift for Christmas. We get our favorite cake for our birthdays. We knew that if we were to— when we turned 16, we weren't driving until we were out of high school. It didn't matter if we were 16. We weren't driving, and they weren't buying the car, paying for the insurance. We would have to take care of that ourselves once we were out of college. We knew that if we wanted anything over and above, we would have to go and find ways of making money. Those expectations were set so early on that we were never disappointed. We just became very creative. And we never held it against them. I don't know any of my brothers and sisters who had. We just, it was just kind of set for us. So whether your kids or yourself are, well, not yourself, but if your kids are even 10, 15, 20 right now, or you're 40, 50, 60, there's still time to set expectations with people around you. As far as what you're not only able to or capable of, but what you're willing to. My brothers and sisters and my nieces and nephews have always known that I was not going to be putting, no matter how much money I made, even in corporate, you know, to 11 brothers' gifts, you know, this time of year, to 11 brothers and sisters, 22 nieces and nephews. They all knew it. We all knew it of each other. What we knew was I was going to put it toward, for instance, my goddaughter. My one niece was overly spoiled, especially when she was growing up. She's now a beautiful 24-year-old. So it's setting those expectations. It's having those conversations. It's sitting down at dinner with your family, with your kids, with your friends. And saying, hey, let's make sure that we all understand what it is not only that we want to do, but what we are able to do this time of year. Just so, again, money should not be the reason for you to be getting yourself stressed out. It's totally in your control. If you don't have it, don't spend it, because then you don't want it dragging into the January time. Period with the bills that will be coming, whether you like it or not. And, and at the same time, this isn't a financial, um, discussion. We'll have that, uh, with a returning guest in January, which is a great time to really get your head around it. So just want to do a little bit of research now in regards to your credit cards and in regards to kind of what, um, interest rates and what penalties and what fees you're also getting attached with as you're spending this holiday season. Don't let money be the cause for your stress when there's a lot of time to plan for it and also to just manage and control it. All right, commercialism. I found this to be really interesting because it really got me thinking about my own stressors, my own bitches and blues when it comes to commercialism. I really never, I never really thought about it, and yet a lot of my actions actually address commercialism without me even realizing it. Let me give you the backstory to that. Okay, so commercialism, gosh, we get, you know, between the advertising, you know, that's thrown in our face, between the, you know, whether it's online or tangible in our mail, whether it's in the emails or even on LinkedIn, We're constantly having the commercialism thrown in our face, but at the same time where people stress around commercialism is actually the— oh gosh, I had it all down— but it is actually the neglect or forgetfulness that this time of year is more spiritual. It might be religious to you, but it's, you know, there's some really historical significance to this time of year. It's not about Santa Claus, candy canes, and snowmen. So I started really thinking about that and the fact that this commercialism is a stressor for people. And I said, you know what, it was, as I was, you know, growing up, it was a stressor for me. Yes, I was raised with snowmen and Santa Claus. I'm not going to come off with an attitude as if I wasn't, or that it's beneath me, or whatever the case might be. But I did realize that as I got out on my own and I started to define what the holiday season meant for me, even in my decorations, even in the events and the activities that I did, it was stripped of any commercialism. So for instance, if you were to have seen my homes, you know, my different places that I've lived over the years, at this time of year, you would not see any trinkets, decorations, any, anything that wasn't— I'm Catholic— that wasn't reflective of the meaning of Christmas. My faith, my spirituality, my religion. It was crosses. It is, continues to be crosses. It is mangers. It is, you know, green leaves, not leaves, evergreen. You know, I didn't have on my Christmas tree, I didn't have ornaments of snowmen or snowflakes. I didn't even like the different color, different color lights. Now, that's just me personally. I have nothing against colorful lights, nothing. I don't have anything against, you know, lawn decorations. It's just not what I, you know, how I want to reflect the holiday season for myself. So no judgment. So please don't, you know, go out on Facebook and Twitter and hate on me. Everyone has their definition and their view of the holiday season. And so when I realized that, oh my gosh, it really was my response to commercialism, my response to just the noise that this time of year creates, and I have control over it. You have control over how you respond. You turn off the TV, turn off the radio, don't get the newspaper with all the clippings, don't go online. To Amazon or start even the Facebook pages that throw all those ads out at you. You can kind of minimize how you respond to the commercialism this time of year. It is hard, especially if you have children, and I will tell you, and many of you obviously know, I do not have children. I do have a dog, but I do have 22 nieces and nephews, and I do have brothers and sisters that could certainly, if I allowed them to, pull me into the commercialism of this time of year. But I've set my expectations and defined what I want this season to mean many, many decades ago, and I've always, you know, pretty much stayed true to it, other than maybe going overboard a Christmas here or there, you know, for whatever reason I did. But when it came to the commercialism aspect of it, It was interesting when I kind of thought to myself, wow, that had an impact on me as well throughout my lifetime without me really being cognizant of it. So just some, some food for thought there. Define for yourself what this season means to you, and then just stay true to it. And that's what— that's with all of this. Just be cognizant, be self-aware as to what it is you want the season to be, and you can certainly then control it. You have the power to control how you respond and react to it. All right, we're going to keep going because I just noticed the time. Let's see, pressures of gift giving. And I was going to work toward, work toward getting all of these in, and I'm hoping that our last few minutes I will be able to. If not, I'm certainly going to provide all this content up on SheddingTheBitch.com. But pressures of gift-giving, this is interesting. Again, as I mentioned, we just had in the Boas house an understanding, an expectation. We did Pollyanna, the, as we were growing up, the 11 kids as I call my brothers and sisters, we all, you know, had picked names on Thanksgiving Day. At dinner. We picked the names out of my dad's hat, and we then had from Thanksgiving to Christmas to go out and buy, make, whatever their gift. Then we started with— and I'm going to forget what it's called— we started with that game. They put a gift in the middle of the room, and then you take turns picking, and then you trade, and I'm not sure what that's called. If anybody knows what that's called, feel free to chat with me or reach out to me on Facebook or Twitter. But, you know, the pressure of gift-giving is real. You know, am I obligated to give my colleagues, to give my employees, to give my boss, my friends, my parents, my, you know, kids, my children— you know, not my children, my kids, my spouse or partner. Again, that is your decision to make, you know, as to whether or not you'll fall into the pressure of gift-giving. Again, it's communication and expectations. It's voicing your— your white elephant. Thank you, thank you. White elephant, it was called. There is another name for it as well, but white elephant, yes, I know, I'm familiar with that name, but there was another term. Anyway, doesn't matter. So when it comes to, you know, gift-giving, again, you're in total control of it. You can set the expectations, whether you start setting those expectations today or today forward for next year, whatever the case might be, because some of us, you know, forget it— well, we can't forget about the money. Some of us just, one, can't afford to, gift giving freely. Some of us don't— this is going to sound horrible— but just don't feel obligated or required to have to give gifts to certain people or groups or whatever the case might be. That's okay. No one should be judging you, and the only person who's going to feel the impact of any judgment is going to be you, and you can kind of overcome that by just really knowing and being very clear about what it is you want and don't want, and if you don't want gift-giving, then it's a matter of just, you know, standing true to that and firm to that and not allowing, you know, negativity and judgment, because people will, but you will definitely be able to control your own response to that once you're very clear and firm as to what it is that you want for yourself when it comes to gift giving. Let me see— doo-doo-doo-doo! Yeah, and when it comes to gift giving communication is probably the best medicine, just have a conversation with them. The people at work, let's discuss what we're going to be doing during the holidays. When it comes to someone having a holiday party, I, my Christmas parties, I used to throw big bashes. It is one thing I miss, and I will reinstate those parties once again in the future. But right now I decided no. And trust me when I say, when I stopped doing them, The backlash I received was unbelievable because I used to have these really big, a lot of fun, lively, uh, Christmas parties like the first Saturday of every, uh, December. And when I stopped having them and I set an expectation with everyone, I said I'm not having them going forward. I was going out on my own, I was putting all my money into my business, and even though I had the money, I could do it if I chose to I chose not to. It wasn't important to me anymore at that time, and it still isn't. I love them. I absolutely love throwing the party and having my friends come in and celebrate, you know, with each other. But I continue to choose not to just yet because, again, I'm committed to my, to my business at the moment. So just decide for yourself. Part of the plan, part of the plan. All right, I wanna get to the family or business gatherings. This is the most stressful for people, and this is what I'm gonna tell you when it comes to family gatherings, when it comes to business gatherings. You know the people involved. You know what they do to you. You know how they add to your life or take away from it. They either make you happy or they stress you out completely. So come up with a game plan. If you can't avoid them and you can't delete them and you can't eliminate them from your life, you need to then just come up with a plan as to how you're going to put them in a box, so to speak, and manage them and your interaction with them so it doesn't negatively impact you. And it could be as simple as, you know, there are tensions every time you get in a room with a particular person. There's arguments. Well, decide for yourself that you're not going to play. You're not going to be baited. You're not going to initiate. You're not going to fuel the flame, even if it means once you get into it, you have to remain conscious and pull yourself out of it and just walk away. Maybe it means that you just make sure you're not in the same room, you're not at the same side of the table, you're not sitting next to each other. You're not alone with them somewhere. You know, you can come up with a game plan. The beautiful thing, especially when it comes to family and friends, you know them and you know your history with them. So you may not be able to completely put yourself out from attending that Christmas dinner or that Hanukkah celebration or whatever the case might be, but yet at the same time, you can certainly prepare yourself before you get into the situation as to how you are going to respond and react. You can't change other people. You can't change other people. You're not going to, especially when drinks start flowing and food and, you know, and conversation and maybe even arguments. You're not changing anybody's mind. You're not changing how they act and behave to you, towards you. All you can do is manage and control how you respond and react. So know that now, prepare for it. You got several weeks before you might be getting into a room with certain people and just decide as to how you're going to respond and react. When it comes to business gatherings, social gatherings, maybe you're not comfortable in those situations. Well, you have time right now before those gatherings to come up with some talking points, some conversation starters, Do some history. Beautiful thing about LinkedIn and Facebook and a number of other places you can go online, you can learn about people before you're even face-to-face with them. So go and do some, you know, Google searches on how to kind of be more comfortable, how to communicate, how to socialize when it comes to business or social gatherings that you may or may not be comfortable with. There's ways to definitely learn before you get into your situation. Maybe there is— maybe you deal with expectations. Maybe in the family it's expectations of, you know, why are you still single? I get that. Why, you know, are you, you know, getting divorced? Why does, you know, are you having kids? What's going on with the job? All those things. You know the questions and you know the things that people are going to bring up to you prior to a situation. So you can either address them before you get there. You can, you know, kind of send out a communication or get on a phone call or at the next dinner that you might go to, you can address certain things. Or you can decide that you're not going to get in the mucky muck of it. During this situation, but you have control over it. And when it comes to business gatherings, same thing. If there's expectations of conversations or, you know, interactions or introductions that you are going to need to have or make in the social environment, then— or business environment, then you plan for it now. Plan for it now. All of this, all the holiday blues are controllable. There— if you plan and organize and proactively go into a situation very aware and very cognizant and very transparent toward what it is you want to achieve and accomplish and gain out of the holiday season, you can have a joyful and rich and full one. And that's what I'm going to hope and pray for each and every one of you. All right, so until next week, thank you for joining shedding the holiday blues and bitches. And I'll talk with you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Thanks, everybody. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com.

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