Shedding the Weight Bitch, But It's Not About the Scale!

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this March— yes, March 20th, first day of spring.

Spring.

Did I hear that right? If it is, happy, happy spring. But if you're still living in the Northeast where you're going to be getting slammed once again, I think with the third or fourth nor'easter of the season, maybe even of— no, not maybe— this month, I'm not sure. But you certainly don't feel that it's spring. And Atlanta, I was just talking with Deborah. Offline, Deborah of Parker House Virtual Services. She's out there tweeting and Facebooking and all that kind of good stuff, and she manages the show. Um, we were talking about the fact that I'm in Atlanta, she's on the West Coast, I'm in Atlanta, and last night, and it kind of came unexpectedly, at least to me, um, I only learned about it like yesterday morning, that we were getting in Atlanta this stream of severe, severe storms, possible tornadoes, 60-mile-per-hour winds, and it was going to be coming at around between 6 and 10 PM last night. I did get out to a business meeting that I had last night and got home, and it was still kind of cloudy, but nothing much after that. And all of a sudden, at about 9, 9:30, it just started whipping whipping, just absolutely whipping. And I think I've mentioned, I know I've mentioned multiple times on the show, you know, I live in a place with a lot of skylights, so I get to see trees swaying to the point where I'm like, please don't break. And the lightning, and of course the thunder that, that accompanies that. And so I, I get a great deal of sleep last night, uh, because on to 3 or 4. Next thing you know, I was walking around my house. But so I am downing the Diet Coke. I am getting mindful because that's what we're going to be talking about today. I am shedding my own weight, bitch, of tiredness and a little bit of stress as a result of that evening. But we're going to have a great, great, great conversation, and I just hope all of you wherever you are around the world, uh, you're staying safe, you're staying dry and warm, um, and, uh, are having a beautiful, beautiful day and a week since we won't talk until next week again. Uh, so let's see what's going on in the world. Um, I will just mention we are going to be talking about Shedding the Weight, Bitch. And as I mentioned, if you saw the promotional, um, write-up of it, it's not necessarily about your body. So we'll talk about just what you need to be doing around shedding the weight, bitch. And you can always chat in with us, call in with us during the live program, and you can do that by calling 1-818-572-2910. If you have questions, you have a story, you want to kind of dig into this conversation even deeper with us, you can also go, if you're online live, watching this through BlogTalkRadio, you can scroll down our radio page of Shedding the Bits Radio. You can scroll down and there's a chat room, and so that is monitored throughout the program as well in case anyone is out there and wants to chat it up as well. So a lot of ways to be connected, and next week we're going to be talking, um, succeeding in business with Heart, and that's gonna be with Terri Wildeman. She is actually a returning guest, haven't had her in a few years, but she has a great, she does a lot around intuitive leadership, and so she is a powerhouse when it comes to really bringing heart into the business environment, whether you own your own business or you work in corporate. We're not robots, we need to be bringing our heart into business, and maybe, just maybe, we can find a nicer place to be since we spend so much time in the workplace. And of course, you can always go back to sheddingthebitch.com and listen to any of our past episodes. You can find them on iTunes, you can find them on BlogTalkRadio, because we've had some great programs recently. Actually, we've had them over the years, but we had asked Bernadette the first week The first Tuesday of every month we have Ask Bernadette. It's your opportunity to get your questions answered, whether it's about your career, your business, your life. And we had a— we have a little bit of everything in each of the programs, but we certainly in our last program we talked about everything from how to deal with or how to actually shed people that no longer work for— not work for you, work in your life, they're not good for you anymore and how to address that and how to do away with that. We also talked about in your business, really, what do you need to be doing and leading in order to be successful and a number of other subjects. We also had a conversation around how to impress at work and in life. That was last week's show. That was all centered around the need to kind of accept that the world is business casual, but that doesn't mean business is casual. So how to impress at work and life. And then we had talked to Connie Fife all around women who dare. Now guys, you can listen to that too because it's really about taking risks and stepping up and really kind of just going after with all your might. What it is you want to achieve or what you want to pursue in life. So go to all of sheddingthebitch.com, iTunes, BlogTalkRadio, and you can see all of our episodes that we've had with all of our guests. But today we are talking about shedding the weight, bitch. It's like I said, it's not about the physical, or should I say the body. It also includes just what you need to be doing and what you need to be thinking about emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and also what are those bitches that are causing those areas of your life to really feel heavy and feel weighted down? And so your rich question we always give if you're new to the program, we give you a rich question just to kind of ground yourself in the conversation. And since we're talking mindfulness, because that's really what this leads into, these rich questions are meant to ground you in the conversation right here, right now. So if you have other distractions around you, whether it be your TV or your, your cell phone, maybe it's your office phone, or maybe your door to your office is open, maybe it's your email or other work projects that you have on your desk, just kind of work to push aside all of those things, turn off all those distractions, and be very present in this conversation because that is going to have has 110% to do with whether you're successful or not in shedding the weight, bitch. So your rich question is, what event, situation, or person is weighing you down right now in your life, preventing you from really being truly happy and fulfilled? So what is that one event, situation, or person? Now, I understand you might be running on a treadmill or out taking a walk, or maybe you're in your car and you're listening this, whether live or downloaded, but whether you can write it down, which would be optimal, write that question down, or just keep it in the forefront of your mind as we have this conversation. That'll also help you to be mindful throughout the conversation. You can also chat with us, you can also Facebook on Shedding the Bitch Facebook or Twitter, you could be sharing your thoughts and input, and you can hashtag with us using #richtags Shed the weight, bitch, or growth, or self-awareness. So self-awareness, growth, or shed the weight, bitch. So when we get back, we're gonna dive into this conversation all around how you need to or want to shed the weight, bitch, especially if you're struggling to achieve your goals. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, confront and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sharpschools.org. Sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking shedding the weight, bitch, but it's not about the Scale. So, if you have ever struggled to actually lose the weight or even if you are struggling right now to achieve a goal, whatever that goal might be, or you are frustrated with your ability to manage your time or to simply get anything done, maybe you have been part of a weight loss program or another type of personal growth plan and wonder why it feels so hard and challenging in order for you to kind of move forward and achieve whatever you might have off on your little to-do list. Well, 9 out of 10 times it has nothing to do with the actual goal that you have or the pursuit that you're under. If you're trying to lose weight, like I said, it's not about the scale. It's not about, um, really whether you're getting to the gym or not. What is really causing it is the underlying reasons or beliefs or inner self-talk that's going on that's preventing you from really committing and taking that step forward. So what I wanna talk about today is the reason why this is such an important subject, and we're gonna ground it in the area of weight, of health, if you care to call it that, but around shedding the weight, bitch. But at the same time, making sure that we're realizing that there is a lot of mental, emotional, spiritual, let alone the physical, that you need to work on as well, and you need to focus on shedding those things as much as you do focus on wanting to see that scale show less and less weight. And I have to tell you, from my own experience, even recently, this has been kind of very evident and profound. And the reason why I wanted to have this conversation, because as many of you know, over the last several weeks I've talked about it. I started Weight Watchers about 7 weeks ago. I was all in, and I should say I am all in. And it was time, I knew it, I was ready for it. My transition with, you know, losing Charlie, my 12-year-old dog, I lost about a month ago now. That also kind of allowed me to kind of say, okay, I have no excuses of not being able to go to the gym or not being able to go run because he can't. So with all of those gone, I said, okay, I am definitely committed. And it showed because I lost 14 pounds in the last, or in the first 7 weeks of the program. And then I found myself last week, I went to weigh in on Sunday and I was up 1 pound, like 1.6 pounds. And of course for somebody who's so competitive like myself, I'm not competitive with other people anymore, that I put behind me, I shedded that bitch. But right, you know, today currently it's really with myself. And I was disappointed. And yet I knew, and this is the purpose of this conversation, I knew that it wasn't just the fact that I might have eaten too much or drank too much or not worked out enough. There was something underlying why I would have overeaten or overdrank or not worked out. So, I purposely sat down and really looked at that last week, and this was Sunday night, and I looked at last week and I was honest with myself about what was dragging me down or what was causing me to have put on weight. Now granted, losing 14 pounds in about 4 weeks, there will be highs and there will be lows, and there will be times where your metabolism is not working as fast or is revved up completely. There's a lot of reasons why it could happen. But I really wanted to make sure that it wasn't my mental, emotional, spiritual mindset, or lack thereof, and therefore that's why I know so many of you struggle with the same thing, whether it's about weight loss or not. You know, we need to, you need to really dig into why you may be stuck or why you may feel sad or why you may feel frustrated over something or why you think you're banging your head up against the wall and not moving forward. And you'll most likely find that it has nothing to do with the external factors working around you, as much as we, as much as it's so easy to want to kind of blame the, you know, someone else or something else or another situation when it actually is we're getting in our own way. So when I took a hard look at myself, and, you know, again, I am huge on journaling. I am huge on getting it out of your head and onto a piece of paper. And until, well, even if someone were to say to me, you talk about that so much, it is, you know, it is over the top, I would say to them, well, are you doing it? Because if you are not, then I am going to keep talking about it. So I sat down with my journal, and I kind of started asking myself questions, and we will talk about that later. But, and I saw that, yes, there was a few bumps in the work road last week. Where I was putting a lot of effort into a few things that just did not seem to want to work out. And I soothed myself because that is what we were doing. That is what you are doing when we do kind of lose focus. I soothed myself in some desserts and it wasn't even like bad desserts. It was more so the quantity of desserts night after night after night or day after day after day. Then I realized too that after a very stressful couple days, Friday night I went out with friends. I overdrank. I overate. It was only 2 days before the weigh-in, so that certainly did not bode well. It was at 7 PM, 8 PM, 9 PM in the evening. I said to myself, "OK, so why did I feel like I needed to overeat? Why did I have to have those few beers as opposed to 1 beer or no beer?" And I started realizing it. I just allowed that stress to allow me to lose focus. I also stalled in my daily tracking. Weight Watchers, you, it's very easy and you track points, if you're not familiar with it. And I'm habitual when it comes to things like that. I love it, as you all know. I feel it's very important. It's a great tool for all of you to, keyed, and that is making lists, writing things down, you know, tracking things, keeping your goals on paper, you know, somewhere evident that you can focus on them. It just helps you stay focused and grounded. And I realized that I was also kind of stalling on tracking my daily points, and therefore I wasn't any longer paying attention. To whether I was meeting my objective or not. So it became apparent to me that I was losing focus. I was not as committed as I had been, and my self-awareness of my feelings, my emotions, my mental state of any moment in time was definitely beginning to hinder me. And therefore, in my case of shedding the weight, bitch, I wasn't shedding it. I was gaining it. Yet I'm not alone. I know I'm not alone. I know many of you struggle as to why that scale is not moving or why, you know, you continue to even put on weight versus even maintain or lose weight. It's important to me to have this conversation specifically where our mindset, our mindfulness is impacting our health or our weight because there's 45 million Americans out there who are on diets, and they're spending about $35 billion a year on foods and products and even services that they're hoping will move that scale. And yet only 2% of that 45 million people lose the weight and keep it off. For any amount of time. And they specifically were saying 2% of the people lost the weight and kept it off for 5 years. And weight loss is kind of a lifestyle change. It's not just a one-time thing. You don't want it to be. You want it to be kind of lifestyle altering. And, but there's many reasons why so many people are not committed, are not following through, are not achieving and being part of that 2%, or that 2% is not moving to 5% or 50%. And that's because there's a lot of fad diets out there. There's a lot of unrealistic goals. There are lifestyle changes that occur. Maybe someone moved or lost a job. But what it really comes down to is this conversation we want to have today about mindfulness. It's because they aren't really focused on the moment in time to where they have the ability and total control to shift where their mental state, where their mental being is, where their emotional being is, where their spiritual, even their physical being is. And so as a result of that, they quit on themselves very quickly, let alone easily. So, this whole idea of mindfulness came to me as I, and I'll share it with you in a little bit, but when I not only focused last week on what caused me to lose my own state of being, my own focus, my own commitment to myself, but like I said, I know many of you deal with it as well. So what is mindfulness and what is the thing that's causing us not to get our weight bitch? Mindfulness, if you told me 20 years ago that I'd be using words like transformation or mindfulness or self-awareness or any one of those other what I call woo-woo words, I would have thought you were crazy because I never, never thought about it. I just kind of walked through life. Do you ever find yourself just walking through life? You know, a lack of mindfulness will do that for you. So what is mindfulness? It's a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting— and this is the key part— your feelings, your thoughts, your bodily sensations. I love that. When I read that, I wish that those were my own kind of words of explaining what mindfulness is. It is now, I guess. Mindfulness is used to kind of, you know, create a shift within yourself, and that you have total control over. And one who used to be a master control freak, and now I'm just a little bit, and I'm still working to shed it, but it's just a little bit. I want to control what I can control now. I no longer want to control things that are totally out of my control, and that's a lesson in itself. But There's a degree of control you want to have, and mindfulness is one of those areas where you can calmly acknowledge and accept your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations so you're able to make a shift in where your focus is and where your commitment is and where your drive is and where your persistence and determination and desire to achieve any goal, whether it's your weight goal, your money goal, your relationship goal, your work goals, whatever the case might be. But as we've talked about a lot on this show, and we've had guests that work in the area that have spoken on it and that have come to really, you know, give you an opportunity to think about it, self-awareness and mindfulness, and I'll, you know, we'll talk about the difference, but they are hand in hand. Those are your real keys to success. And let me explain why or how that is. Because when you really think about your day and whether you woke up in the morning on the right side of the bed or the wrong side of the bed, it will determine how you go out in the world. Now, you can get up— on the wrong side of the bed, so you're tired, you're groggy, like I did this morning. You're tired, you're groggy, you're a little bit, kind of feel agitated, maybe, you know, you toss and turn, so you're physically a little bit off. And if you simply kind of ignore it and not pay attention to it and just kind of accept it as, okay, that's just the way it is, then you go out into the world and you're going to continue projecting and feeling that agitation, that fogginess, that grogginess, and it's going to reflect in everything that you're doing that day. And most likely, the people that you come in contact with may project it back because, you know, remember, what you put out, you get back. So if you're putting out that you're agitated and you're taking and giving that agitation to others, you might have that bouncing back to you. Now, say you got up and you, you were mindful. You paid attention. You were self-aware. You took a moment to really be present. Well, that agitation can be shifted. You can do things, whether that's, you know, meditating or just sitting still or just kind of telling yourself, okay, yes, I'm tired, but I've got a big day ahead of me. And you kind of talk your way through making some shifts in your, in your whole body— mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. And I have talked in the past about the fact that I'll lay there in bed and I'll do that assessment. I will sense, you know, where I'm off, and I will adjust myself from my head to my toes, from the inside to the outside, before I jump up and, and run out the door. Now sometimes I can do it fully and successfully to where then that grogginess or agitation is completely gone. Or like today, I focused on it. I did my meditation. I did my mantras. But I was still physically tired. And yet, you know, I am hoping at least that that is not coming across to you. At this very moment in time, but I can tell you right now my eyes are heavy just because I am tired. So mindfulness means that you are very present and aware of your state of being. Remember, calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. And so, you know, however you choose to do it. So you have that option. You have that option to then you know, decide if you want to stay connected or not. But say that you don't, and what I would ask you to do is be mindful and pay attention during that day as to how, or maybe afterwards at this point, it's going to be reactionary because you weren't mindful and so then you went out, you were agitated, you were groggy, you were a little bit off physically, and just think back at when you've gone out like that, what kind of day did you have? What kind of response did you have from other people? How were you even responding? Were you present in conversation? Or, you know, actively listening and contributing versus daydreaming and drifting off? If you have ever had that situation where you've gotten in your car and maybe you drove to or from work and you've gotten home or to your destination and you're like, how in the world did I get here? I never even thought about I never even realized I was on the highway. I've done that before, and it's scary. That is just kind of not being present. That's not being mindful of where you are right here and right now. And why is that important? Why is that very strategic and an opportunity for you when it comes to being able to shed the weight, being able to shed any bitch that you have going on in your life, so you can achieve whatever goal that you have in your life. And one of those, the main one that we're talking about today is if you do have a weight goal and you're struggling to move that scale, think about the fact that it's not just the environment or your situation or your lack of time or your inability to run, you have to walk and you feel that that's— whatever excuse you're making. For yourself. It's none of those excuses. Most— mostly it's whether you're mindful to the point of being able to shift yourself into a state of being that's going to be beneficial to you toward your goal. So that freedom of being present will just open up and kind of allow you to experience and to pursue and follow through on what it is you set out to do. So when we get back, we're going to talk about exactly how you do that and how you can achieve that mindfulness, that calm acknowledgement and accepting of your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, so you too can achieve whatever goal you have for yourself. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media relations at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking mindfulness. We're talking about shedding the weight bitch. And as we said, it's not about just the scale. It's about the emotional, mental, spiritual self along with the physical self. And those things, those what we call bitches here that get in your way. And what are they? What are those things that could prevent you from shedding the weight? It could be fear. Why? Why would you be fearful of losing weight? Well, you'd be surprised at the, that the fear of change that would come as a result of you losing the weight, or the fear of how other people will react or respond to you as a result of you losing the weight. It kind of goes hand in hand with even fear of failure. Failing at it. So say you're going and you're trying to lose weight. Maybe you just want to get into shape. Maybe you want to get into really good shape. Well, many people are surprised at the reaction people in their life, the ones that love them, have toward that goal or that objective, or even if they've achieved it. All of a sudden, the person that they're used to seeing and experiencing along with all of that person's junk that they had as a result of their weight maybe, they were comfortable with it. They knew that, you know, that person. And now this person is fitter, or maybe they're thinner, or maybe they're just in better health, and it intimidates or makes the other person feel insecure. And that reflects and projects back to you, the person who's trying to get into shape, trying to lose weight, and you, therefore, kind of start avoiding, stop being committed, only because you're not really secure and confident about the response you're receiving. Maybe you're just getting a lot of negativity, as another bitch, as we call them, from a lot of people around you, and you're allowing that to influence and to control you, so to speak. It could be that you're just insecure. Maybe you feel like you're too out of shape, too overweight, too underweight, you're too slow to go into a gym or to sign up for that 5K or to weight lift or to get a trainer, whatever the case might be. I, just to digress a little bit, a couple weeks ago, 5 weeks into the Weight Watchers program, and a friend of mine texted me, and actually it was her daughter, she texted me and she says, "Hey, I'm signing up for a 5K. Register for it." And I said, "Okay, when is it?" And she said, you know, "Middle of April." Well, it was only like the beginning of March, and I haven't run, I haven't put a pair of running shoes on for a good number of years. And yet, I ran for a good 20 years, and I knew I needed to do it. Like I said, I was committed. 4 weeks ago and I was determined that I wanted to make this change in my life, lifestyle, not just weight loss. So, I registered right then and there and I said, "You know what? I am putting it out there." And even though I felt a little insecure, a little intimidated that I may not be able to run the whole 5K, I said to myself, "So I walk. So I walk/run. Whatever, however it turns out, I still want to do it." So, you know, your bitches that you need to shed could be that fear, that insecurity, that negativity. Maybe you don't know how to go about it. A lot of people, you know, if they want to start running, they're not quite sure how to, how to do it to where it's not going to create injury or they're going to do it properly to where it doesn't have an adverse effect on them but a positive. Maybe they don't know how to weight train. Maybe they don't, you know, know how to go about you know, getting into a group or whatever the case might be. So there's a lot of reasons why people, or excuses actually, why people are having difficulty shedding their weight. But at the same time, becoming mindful of that, those feelings, of those negativities, those fears, will allow you to put a plan in place. But to show you what I mean by all this, before we talk about how you can learn to be mindful and to be present and self-aware, Let's just do a little test, shall we? Even during a radio program, we're going to make this work and make it happen. So, right now, as you're listening to this, I want you to take a deep breath. Just take a deep breath and clear your mind of anything and everything, even my voice for just a second at least, and just kind of breathe and take a deep breath and feel yourself kind of present and where you are right now. Now, if you have not already turned off all those distractions, you might want to go ahead and do that. But just be aware of your breathing. Go inside your head, inside your body, and become aware of your breathing. And now, simply listen to my voice. And hopefully it is accepting and welcoming to you, as deep and throaty as it is. But listen to your voice. Or I'm sorry, listen to my voice, only my voice, and ask yourself if you are really listening to me actively, or is there other noise inside your head or outside your head rumbling around distracting you. It could be coming from the gut. It could be coming from your entire body. It could be coming from wherever you're sitting or standing or walking. But get to a point where all of those things kind of disappear and dissipate into the background and you're only hearing my voice. Because if you're listening to this program, you're only meant to hear my voice. You're not meant to hear all this other noise around you because you purposely, intentionally tuned in, dialed in, whatever the case might be, to this radio program. All right. Now, like I said, in order to do that effectively, you also have needed to kind of clear your space around you already. Now, and that can be— that can be the people, the dogs, the pets, as much as the radio that you might be listening to or the television that might be on or your a colleague in the next office, whatever the case might be. So if you've been able to successfully in the last couple of minutes to minimize all those distractions, eliminate those distractions, then as we go into this conversation for the next 5 minutes, focus on just this conversation, being present right now, actively listening, and take an assessment in 5, 10 minutes as to how successful you were in just being right here, right now. Now you'll most likely find that it was difficult for you to be here right now. Even as I'm talking to you, when the— we had that little technical blurb earlier. As I'm talking to you, all of a sudden all this other noise came into my atmosphere, into my environment, within my own head. I was worried that you couldn't hear me. I was then having to try to figure out if Debra was still able to hear me. So all of a sudden I have a bunch of stuff going on in my head. And I'll be honest with you, when we came back and started this conversation again, I was a little, I was off. I all of a sudden had a lot of noise going on around me. So I had to kind of now push those aside so it's just you and me. So pay attention over the next 5 to 10 minutes. As to whether how successful you were or not in just being right here, right now. And I'm going to challenge even Deborah who's out there, and she's tweeting and Facebooking and doing a number of other things. I'll even challenge her to say, forget all of those things, or forget anything else you might be working on, and try to just be present in what it is that you're doing right now. So, that's a little test for everybody. All right, now, I found that being mindful, learning how to kind of take all that noise out of, out of your head, and your heart, and your body, and your mind, really allows you to ground yourself. And there was one phrase that I had heard about, I want to say 2 years ago, that changed changed everything for me, and maybe it can for you, too. And it's from Lao Tzu. I hope I said his name right. Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu, I think it might be. Lao Tzu. If you are depressed, you're living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. I've stated this phrase, this quote, previously, but every time I really focus on it, because I have it up in my office right in front of me at my desk, every time I reflect on it, I kind of learn something new about myself, and I actually glean something more out of this statement. And so I thought it was important because it does have a lot to do with whether or not you're successful in being mindful, in being present, in being in the now. So, let's break it down. All right? So, again, the phrase is, "If you are depressed, you're living in the past. If you are anxious, you're living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." So, mindfulness. So, let's break it down. Living in the past causes you to be depressed. Would you agree to that? Just think about that for yourself. If you live in the, live in the past, it causes you to be depressed. And yet, there's nothing you can do to change your past. That's kind of like the aha moment for me when I thought about it. I couldn't, I couldn't let things go. It's easier said than done. And yet I knew that unless I did, I was just going to be kind of weighted down. That's what all this conversation shedding the weight bitch is all about. It just weighs you and me down when we just hold on to things. Now I don't have regrets, so I wouldn't call these regrets. These are just situations, events, experiences in my life that I just replayed over and over again, maybe looking for a different answer, whatever the case might be. So, think about for yourself what things going on in the past are impacting your present. And decide for yourself to acknowledge if whether or not those things that can't be changed, because they cannot be changed, how can you then reconcile them so you can put them in a box and let them go? Throw them away or let them drift out to sea or just simply you bury it in the backyard, figuratively, and you just let it go. Because again, living in the past, think about it, it's really— quite logical. You know, what happened yesterday, you, you have no control over changing that. It is what it is. So why are you still allowing it to control you? Because if you choose not to, if you choose not to let it go, if you choose not to face it, confront it, feel it, as hard as that might be, then what you're choosing to do is to allow it to continue to influence and control how you are today and how you're going to be tomorrow. And therefore, there's no real need to try to figure out why you're not accomplishing your dream or— and your goal. It's simply because you're not allowing yourself to forgive yourself and to let yourself off and to let things just slip away. So, if anybody ever wonders You know, I'll have this conversation with friends. If they wonder why, like for instance, let's say childhood abuse. Say the grandfather beat the father, so the father beats the child. The child grows up and beats the, you know, their child. And if they, and then they say, oh well, this is just the way it's been, you know, generation after generation after generation after generation. Well, that's just one big effin' excuse. Excuse. And, you know, because they're comfortable in living with that, because changing that is too hard, it's too painful, it's too whatever, they want to attach to it. Well, each one of those individuals has a choice to control whether or not they, you know, change their behavior and change their view on what happened to them previously. So this goes back to living in the past. So that child of that grandfather who was beaten is kind of carrying it forward because they haven't let it go from their past. They're still allowing it to control them. So you have to decide for yourself that if you truly want to shed the weight, if you truly want to pursue that goal, take that risk, then you need to shed some of this junk that you're carrying forward from your past. Okay, now living in the future, and this one was a big one for me. Living in the future causes anxiety. How many of you, you can raise your hand, just for yourself, or you can add it into the chat room, but how many of you live in the future? Worrying about the future, anticipating it, thinking that you're able to control or manipulate or influence it in some way, shape, or form. And think about that. You have absolutely no control even what's going to happen in 5 minutes. I had absolutely no control 10 minutes ago that all of a sudden the, you know, the whole studio line would crash. So I, you know, I can't now be sitting here talking with you and kind of all in my head about whether or not it's going to happen again. So, I just have to let that go and I just have to just live life in the present and if it happens, it happens and we, we adjust and go forward. Now, I was also, as I've mentioned, the, you know, the ultimate control freak. I mean, I just thought I could control everything and everyone and my hands almost, if you, you know, had seen me back then, you know, always appeared as if they were clenched. And my face always was all full of angst, and I just was always looking for kind of how can I, you know, influence or manipulate or, you know, change something that was completely out of my control. And actually how it showed up in my life was I actually would play devil's advocate. I would think of a situation that I was going through and I would put the worst-case scenario on it, thinking that Well, if it came, you know, even slightly better than that worst-case scenario, then it's better than, you know, than that. It's better than the worst. And yet, that, you know, I lived in that junk. I lived in that worst-case scenario all the time. I lived in that anxiety and that stress and that fear all the time. And because, as we all probably can, conclude is every time we get in our head and fearful about something, it never happens the way we are conjuring it up in our heads. So living in the future, trying to control that, trying to control, you know, anything and everything that can happen to you is impossible. And once you learn that, once you realize that, you can let that go and let that slip away. Does that make sense? And just think about it. You know, there are things you can control. If you're living in anxiety about not being able to pay your bills, you know, tomorrow, if you're laying awake at 2:00 a.m. in the morning, you know, worrying about whether or not your lights are going to be on in the morning, there's really nothing you can do at that moment in time. There's nothing that you can do at 2:00 a.m., you know, 2:00 a.m. to change that. Well, you could get up and, you know, pay your bill. I guess you can go online and pay a bill. But say you don't have the money to pay the bill. And yet at 2:00 a.m. you're tossing and turning, staring up at the ceiling, all stressed out as opposed to getting a good night's sleep. Well, there's nobody available at 2:00 a.m. in the morning to help you solve that problem, whether it's to loan you money, whether it's to go to a bank to borrow money, whether it's to call your, you know, your bill company and work out an arrangement. There's nothing that you could be doing at 2:00 a.m. in the morning. So why are you anxious about what's going to happen at 8 o'clock or 9 AM when all of a sudden those companies are open and they have a choice of disconnecting you or not, or whatever the situation might be? So mindfulness means recognize, again, recognize, calmly acknowledge, you know, your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts. And I'm going back to that exact, um, statement because I love that bodily sensation. And anxiety certainly has a lot of bodily sensations behind them. But, and, you know, at 2 o'clock in the morning, recognizing what your emotional state is, mental state, physical state, spiritual state is, you can decide, I cannot do anything about this right now. Take a deep breath. Give yourself a break. Get a good night's sleep. Wake up in the morning and now you have a choice of how you can go about handling that situation. You did not let the future control you. So, as a result of that, you are now in a much better place where you can actually think about solutions and ideas and ways of seeking help if that's the case. So, let's wrap up the conversation, and we're not going to take another break because of our little technical blip that we had earlier. Let's take a look at what steps can you take in order for you to kind of become mindful. Now, I am not promising that this is going to be easy. I've been working on it for, I would say, a good 5 years now, and I work on it every day. And I'm going to suggest that you give yourself that time. Not— it doesn't need to be 5 years. But you need to give yourself that time to do the same. You know, one minute at a time, you feel yourself a little bit off, you feel yourself a little distracted, you feel yourself, you know, a little bit insecure, feeling a little bit fearful about something, and you've gone off into never-ever land, then mindfulness is all about you simply acknowledging that you are lost, distracted, fearful, and you kind of bring yourself back. And you get inside your head and inside your heart, breathe, and just be conscious and aware of all of those sensations. I'm going to use that word now. And work to shift them. So, a simple thing, before I get into my little list of questions you could be asking yourself, but a simple thing to practice mindfulness is in the morning. So first thing in the morning when you get up, as opposed to jumping out of bed, or if you're one of those people who turn over and hit the clock, you know, choose for one morning not to, to not to hit that clock. And just be awake and just lay there and become very, very aware of your mental, emotional, spiritual, physical state of being. And if you like it, then, and you don't need to make any changes, then don't. But if you don't like how you are feeling or, you know, the thoughts that are running in your head, or the little stress, or maybe your heartbeat all of a sudden started picking up because now you have to face whatever it is that you are facing, then choose to and practice how you can, before jumping up out of bed in that state, you can make shifts. You can, you know, kind of work on maybe a mantra that you are using. In order to quiet your head. I've mentioned in the past I use, you know, if God is for me, who could be against me? A little short, little statement that I can kind of, you know, repeat over and over in my head. Now, to really get to the core though of mindfulness, again, mindfulness is being aware of your state of being, then you need to ask yourself a lot of questions. And I'm going to lump it into the overall who, what, when, where, and how. And this was mentioned even last week in our conversation. Always asking yourself questions and using that simple who, what, when, where, and how is the one tool you could be using on a regular basis to get grounded in just about anything. Whether it's mindfulness, or even if it's planning your goals, or even if it's addressing an issue, or solving a problem. Or making a decision, the who, what, when, where, and how is, is just, just been eye-opening, not only for me, but for my clients and anyone that I speak to. So, ask yourself, in this case for mindfulness and creating weight, heaviness in your life, you know, who's causing it? What's causing it? When is it caused? Where does it come up? Maybe there's, you know, different places. Work, for instance, or maybe it is at home. Or maybe hanging out with friends. Why is it weighing on you? Why are you even allowing it to be, you know, to weigh you down? And how does it manifest within yourself? Or even how did it come about? How did it, whatever stress, whatever bitch is burdening you, how did it come about? So, put it on a piece of paper and hang it up on a wall. Who, what, when, where, and how, oh, and why. And just always focus on that, because answering questions, as we talk about, answering those type of questions always helps you to really work through situations. And then try to think through the impact those situations are having on your life. And what can you do, or how, what would it look like if those things didn't exist any longer? And that, looking at that, is going to energize you to really face, okay, what can I do about it? What are my options in dealing with this? All right? And what would your life look like if you made changes in your life? What would it look like compared to what it does today? And I can guarantee you that will allow you to really start being mindful, being present. And once you are, once you really are kind of engaged and actively listening and appreciating the environment around you. And calming, remember calming those thoughts and emotions and those bodily sensations, it'll open up a breath of fresh air for yourself and you'll realize that you're no longer living in the past or the future, you're finding peace in the present. All right. So I'm going to also put a list out on Facebook, Twitter, and even on our shedinthebitch.com page about some things you could be doing in order to continue to, you know, what kind of little things you could be doing in order to help you shift during the day. All right? We don't have time to talk about that right now. So, thank you everyone. We'll come back next week and we'll have a conversation with Terri Wildeman and talk to her about bringing heart into the workplace. We'll talk soon. Take care, everybody. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week. You bring your phone everywhere— work, school, the movies. Now you can bring it to an Xfinity store for an easy way to switch to Xfinity Mobile, a new kind of network designed to save you money. You can get up to 5 lines of talk and text included with Xfinity Internet at no extra cost, so all you pay for is data. It's never been easier to switch to Xfinity Mobile and keep the phone you love. Click here to see how. Sorry, I gotta take this. Restrictions apply. Limited to select mobile phones. Requires activation of a new line of Xfinity Mobile. Up to 5 devices per account. 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