Shift to RICHes in your Career, Business and Life

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. .com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you? I am just— I was just telling Deborah it's rainy and gloomy. It's been storming here. In Atlanta, Georgia, so I kind of feel damp. You ever have that damp, wet, cold feeling? I know I'm not sick, but it's under the skin, and there— it just doesn't seem to, um, be rectified with anything. No robe, blankets, or anything. It's just a deep, deep chill. That's what we're experiencing, but we're lucky compared to those other places Other places in the world, I, you know, continue to put prayers out for all of you in Australia struggling with the fires. Grateful to all of those firefighters around the world that have come in, including our own American firefighters that have come in to help, you know, take out the fire. It's just devastating to watch, and the billions. It's one thing for hundreds, it's another thing for thousands, another thing for millions, but when I heard there's a billion animals that have been killed as a result of these fires, you just hope that the 20-some-odd people that have been arrested for starting these fires are treated appropriately. That's all I'll say, is treated appropriately. But for everybody in the Shannon the Bitch community, our thoughts and prayers and well wishes go out to all of you. Let's see, what else? Next week we're going to be talking time management hacks. So for a few of you who have reached out wanting to get some of those, some of those tips and strategies around how to just get organized and get focused going into the new year. We do normally cover them at the beginning, so thank you for paying attention to that, and the fact that we haven't covered it yet, but we will be next week. We'll be talking about time management hacks for your success in the new year. And then to wrap up the month, we're going to be talking about the power of habits. And this was just an interesting topic that several colleagues and myself were talking about several weeks ago. We were all just kind of asking each other as we were planning our new year, what are our disciplines, what are our habits, what are those that really help us and cause us to be successful and those that kind of really get in our way and sabotage us. So I thought that would make a great conversation to have with you as we wrap up the first year of the month, or I'm sorry, the first year of the new year. Can I talk? Can I actually talk today? The first month of the new year is being wrapped up, and we need to get focused and organized as we move forward. So that's what we'll do. Our past episodes— I'll specifically mention that our Ask Bernadette episode last week had some great questions that you posed to me. So go back and you'll want to listen to this one, because whether it's professionally or socially, Someone asked me about how to be most effective in answering the number one most awkward interview question, and that is, "Tell me about yourself." Now, it's really not a question, but they throw it in there with the interview questions. But that's an awkward question. What do you say? What do you not say? And what are they listening for and even looking for physically? In your behavior. We talked from a business owner's perspective. They wanted to know how to assess their business from the previous year, carrying it into the current year, and the dos and the don'ts. So, we talked about that, and then, of course, podcasting is all the rage, so I had a question about whether or not— when to podcast, when to blog, and if you were— are drawn to podcasting, kind of steps to take in order to prepare and prep for that podcasting. So that was our previous episodes, and we have a lot of them. So you can always go to ShadingtheBitch.com and pull down any of the episodes. Apple Podcasts, and as well, BlogTalkRadio.com, you can get all the episodes, you know, in the past couple years. That we've been broadcasting. Now, in regards to today, I want you to consider this question. When I tell you that you are one decision away from a totally different life— consider that statement: you are one decision away from a totally different life— does that get you excited? Or does that kind of, you know, cause you to run for cover? Does it scare the living daylights out of you that, oh my gosh, I could be one decision away from a totally different life? Because today I want you to get excited, and I want to help you get excited about change and transformation. I want you to be able to recognize that if you don't change, you die. Now, that may not be literally bless the Lord, but a part of you who may be yearning for something different, something new, who may be continuing to kind of yell, scream, and kick internally. Uh, the more you repress what you really want and the more you allow your fear and your doubt and the unknown to scare the living daylights out of you, run for cover. The more your spirit dies in one way, shape, or another. And so for anyone that, you know, says they— that they've gotten stuck, or they're feeling just blah, or they're depressed, or— and they're unable to kind of get focused and get energized around what it is they want to do and want to pursue, then it could be because you're looking for something new. You're looking for something different. You're not looking for the same old, same old, same old. And so recognize that and take hold of that and allow your fear to be more butterflies of excitement, to be more, you know, those stomach-churning pangs of excitement as opposed to fear. And if they are fear, okay, let's, you know, let's recognize that, let's acknowledge that, and then let's make the shift today together that you want to make. Because we're going to walk through steps that we've talked about in the past, but yet with a whole different perspective on the steps that you can take in order to make a shift and make a transformation. And it's a proven formula or step or processes that I've worked on for the last 10 years because it came out of my own transformation. And now I use it to work one-on-one with my clients, whether it's, you know, it could be in groups, it could be with audiences. And it's, it's proven that if you do follow these steps, you can make the shift and make the transformations that you want in your life. All right, now if you're listening live and if you want to join in the conversation and/or have a question, then certainly you can call into the program at 1-818-572-2910. You can also go to blogtalkradio.com, scroll down to this particular program, and there's a chat room. You can click into the particular episode, and there's a chat room there. You can always chat with us as well, as I'm online watching for any type of communications through there. All right? And if you want to Facebook or tweet with us, and if you have a question, story, or challenge, or you have a comment, or you have an observation, you can always communicate with us and use hashtags #ShiftToRich, #Transformation, or our common one is #ShedTheBitch, and we'll be paying attention to those. Deborah Parker House Virtual Services is out there, and as you know, each and every day we take a look and make sure that you get a response back on anything that you might be reaching out into the community for. Alright, we're going to take a quick little break, excuse me, and when we get back we're going to dive into the Shift to Riches formula that you can use for your own success. We'll be right back. Shedding the Bits Radio is available for download anytime on Apple Podcasts, sheddingthebits.com, and blogtalkradio.com. Be sure to subscribe to the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. I want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses, including mine. Email deborah@deborahparker.va@gmail.com. Would you like to reach our audience as a sponsor or advertiser? Email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Now let's get back to the show. Welcome back, everyone. All right, we're diving into the Shift to Riches Formula. And I came across a quote that I thought was very profound as it pertains to this conversation that we're having today. It's from Arthur Robert White, and he's quoted as saying, "In life, you either have the results you want or the reasons to explain why you don't have them. If you have the results, you don't need the reasons." So my question to you would be, do you have the results you want, or do you have the reasons to explain them away? And I am so guilty of this. I mean, I think we all are. I think we all tend to fall into the bad habit, and hopefully it's not a habit, but the bad world of excuse, the bad world of reasoning. Yes, it's for other people, but it's also for ourselves. We try to explain ourselves away so we don't feel so bad when we don't meet our goals or we don't do what we say we're going to do. So I want to get you the results. That's what this is all about. Let's put aside the reasons and the excuses and let's get the results. So prior to 2008, I had no clue about self-discovery. None, let alone transformation. Those were all very woo-woo words to me, and there was no way I was kind of responding to them. I just took one day, one action, and one outcome to be what it was. I never considered that if I was conscious, fully aware and open to listening and adjusting to what my heart, my soul, my gut, my intuition Everything within me was telling me what— if I had paid attention to what was going on around me and how I was contributing to that, then my world could, could be totally different today. Now, that doesn't mean I'm talking about regret, because I've talked to you all about it, and I would hope that you don't live in regret. I don't either. It is what it is, and it's all the experiences that you've ever had has made you who you are. But what it did teach me was that I was about to go through— this was now going about 2009— that I was going to, over the next, you know, the next 5 years, I was going to go through a series of steps, stages. I would never have considered it a process at the time. That really caused me to dig deep. And if I wanted something new, something different, if I wanted to shift and transform, then I was going to have to do a lot of work. And as a result of that experience, of that journey, is where I kind of all of a sudden clued in on the stages that I was going through and the shifts. That I was making and the work that I had done that got me through each one of those stages and steps. And it all centered around somewhat the infamous understanding that's out there that you change your thoughts and you will transform your life. So maybe you have or haven't heard that quote or statement, change your thoughts and you will change your life. It started to ring very true and very loud for me, but I also learned, and in a very, very hard, difficult way, that there was something else that was needed in that understanding in order to really change, in order to really transform. And that is not only did we have to change our thoughts, we also had to change our words. So then all of a sudden I said, okay, so in order to transform and shift, I, I needed to both change my thoughts and the words that I used within myself and then outwardly with other people, and then I'd be successful in transforming my life.. And as I, as I started to kind of gain understanding and knowledge and proof of that, uh, is when I started realizing that this series of steps, this, these stages, this formula that I came up with that I then termed my Shift to Riches Formula, was something that could be used not only for myself each and every day but also with other individuals like yourself. And I use it with my clients, and I use it with groups, mastermind groups, and audiences small and large. So if you feel scared, if you feel apprehensive in any way, if you are intrigued and, and wanting to make a change, make a shift in your life, if you want something new, if you want something different, then I'll just pray for you that these steps, that this discussion that we have today, will start you on a journey of, you know, changing that fear, that anxiety, that stress, to excitement and to really looking forward to doing the work that's necessary in order to go on this journey. Because every one of us deserves the the being, the life, and the world that we want, that we see as being the optimal place that brings out our joy, brings out our happiness, and brings out our success in all areas of our life. So I will just hope for you that, that this Shift to Riches Formula does the same for you that it did for me. And I want you to keep another thing in mind. I want you to keep in mind the acronym we always talk about, and that is what fear truly is. So if you write out the, you know, the word fear, F-E-A-R, and break it down, it really means false evidence appearing real. So false evidence appearing real. If you ever look at any situation, whether it was 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago, where you were scared and you weren't sure what to do and you doubted yourself and, and you avoided or ignored something, And then what happened, like what was the outcome of all of that anxiety, of all that fear? It was probably that everything turned out just fine. Everything was just peachy keen. And now that can go back to then ensuring that, you know, you are grounded in faith and belief and trust, whether that's not only within yourself but, you know, external, uh, factors or even a spiritual being. It doesn't matter. But look at fear as what it is, and that's false evidence appearing real, and really ground yourself in that, and that'll help you as you move forward through this— through the steps and this process. All right, so first I want to answer the question that I often get, because if you're like I was back in 2008, or actually prior to 2008, and rolling your eyes at any idea of self-discovery and purging and digging and transformation, seeing it as very woo-woo, then I want to kind of give you an idea to help you relate to the type of people that I work with, let alone who I was, that maybe you can say, well, wait a minute, that's me. So the clients that I've had and the situations and the people that can use this formula. It's vast. It's everyone. So I work with a stay-at-home and work-at-home dad, not a mom but a dad, and he really, really struggled with that change, with that assignment as he used to call it. He felt very kind of pressured, very, um, uh, I don't want to say castrated, but he, you know, all of a sudden was like, oh my God, what, you know, what does this mean? What does this mean to my legacy? What does this mean to, you know, my standing in the community, so forth and so on. I also— and I continue to work with an executive assistant who yearns for so much more in her life than what she, you know, not just has, but what she dreams about and what she knows she's capable of achieving, and yet is— used to have no clue. But now has a lot more clues, but is consistently and constantly looking for new ideas and new things to be testing, failing on, and even succeeding on. I work with a business analyst who was constantly lashing out on her colleagues and teammates, even her friends and family, and had no real understanding as to why. But it wasn't her who came to me and said, you know, I want help. It was another person who said, I need help, I need to get this person help or she may even lose her job. So it was kind of, I had to make her first, you know, kind of use this formula and then work and partner with her through it. I've worked with C-level executives who have struggled with the, you know, with beliefs of, you know, feeling worthy, feeling valued, feeling deserving. You know, I've even dealt with a cancer fighter— a cancer fighter and survivor, thankfully— who, you know, really kind of, you know, started just, you know, living in pity and living in wallowing and living in sorrow and fear and needed a way out, to dig her way out. So people in every aspect of life, all, you know, every level of business, every situation that this, you know, life can throw at you are individuals that definitely can leverage the Shift to Riches Formula. All right, so I wanted to give you and allow you to kind of ground yourself in that so you know that whatever situation that you're dealing with, no matter how you see it, whether it's really small or really big, whether it's you know, been short-term or whether it's been going on for a long time, it— you can make the shift, you can make the changes, you can transform your life. And as that opening statement said, you know, it's basically you, you could be one decision away from totally changing your life. And so you— it's up to you to kind of say to yourself and choose for yourself Yes, I'm ready and wanting something new, something different, and a change. So what is this formula that I call the Shift to Riches? And again, keeping in mind these were stages even I went through, and I've learned that once you go through them, it doesn't mean that they're— it's done and over with and, you know, you have the life that you want. Life loves to you know, throw at you on a daily basis, challenges, obstacles, you know, highs and lows to kind of test and challenge your drive and your willingness and your persistence. So you can use this each and every day when a situation arises. So it's simple. There's 5 steps and/or stages.

You—

it's Discover, Confront, Shed, Create, and Accelerate. So those are the 5 steps. Discover, Confront, Shed, and I kind of split that there and we'll talk about why, and then Create and Accelerate. So let's break this down. These steps, like I had mentioned, it's all about self-discovery, awareness. Truth and transparency and even authenticity of who it is you are. Now, if you're even the slightest apprehensive about digging deep into who you are, you're not alone. So if you're sitting here going, oh my gosh, you know, I'm not somebody who sits down and journals or writes in a diary or takes self-assessments, I don't know what to do, how to do it, and whether or not I'm going to be doing it right. There's no right or wrong in this. There's no right or wrong. So be okay with not being comfortable. Be okay with being apprehensive. Be okay with not knowing. And I'm always here beyond this program. I'm always here to kind of guide you through it. All right, so another thing I want you to keep in mind is things that I want you to overcome right up front, the things that could cause you to say, "Eh, not, you know, I'm not into this," or "I don't want to do this," or "It's too hard," or, you know, or you don't even consciously say it to yourself, you just start avoiding or ignoring it. I want you to go back to that yearning that you might be feeling, that, that pain that you might have about wanting something different than you have currently, and just simply say, yes, I am ready to do the work, I am ready to make the changes, I'm ready to have a new and different life. And just keep repeating yourself. Repeating that to yourself over and over and over again, because the minute you stop telling yourself that, that you're ready, that you're able, that you're deserving, you're giving up on yourself. You're not giving up on anybody else, you're giving up on yourself. All right, so with that in mind, I want to at least kick into, uh, the first step, and that is around discovering. Now we talk a lot about, about this whole, you know, formula, but I want to kind of give you a different slant, a different take, and a different approach to it. Yet there's still a lot of familiarity to what we've talked about in the past, because what self-discovery is all about is asking yourself a lot of questions and then being very open and honest and transparent with the answers and whether, you know, you're willing to do the digging, you know, not just on the surface, but you're actually willing to say, okay, you know, I say I don't have regrets, but do I really? You know, is there something that makes me, you know, go, oh, I wish I didn't do that? You know, so we want to get down to that deep, deep digging, excavating level, so to speak. So what I want you to do is I, well, first off, and I didn't even put this in my notes, first off, I want you to ensure that you have a journal and a pen. A regular theme here, a regular theme you'll hear consistently and constantly and you could, or could not be rolling your eyes around it. But it's important, it's very important to get it out of your head and actually out on a piece of paper or on your computer or on your phone, it doesn't matter. But you definitely want to be asking yourself these questions and writing them out. Now I have a new discipline and that is there's a couple of readings, books that I have that's I've kind of built into my morning ritual that I sit down with the one, the Jesus Calling devotional book I've mentioned to all of you, and one that's another, another reading regarding the saints. And they're not religious, they are self-discovery, transformational type of, of books. And I will scribble right there in those, those books as opposed to my separate journal. Now I have my separate separate journal next to them. So there's this pile of 3 books that sits on my, my table that I use every, each and every morning. So, but I want you to have a journal since I am currently writing the book Shift to Riches. And right now I want you to have a blank journal that you can start, you know, working on this self-discovery transformation journey for yourself. So All right, and I want you to lay out and describe who you are to yourself. I want you to do it fully and completely, but I do only want you to take about 3 to 5 minutes to do that. How do you describe yourself? How do you view yourself? How do you see yourself? How do you talk to yourself? Um, and it's only about your perception of you. It's not what other people say. We're going to get to that in a moment. Okay, so I want you to just be talking to yourself. It's almost like write, you know, a note to self. But I don't want it to be what you would have done differently or what you would have told yourself, you know, 20 years ago about today. I want you in the current state of being to describe who you are through your own eyes and your own heart. All right, then add after that, then you can add what other people say about you or how they describe you. And, you know, you're going to be using all of this information in a minute. Then I want you to go from there and I want you to consider, who do I want to be? So transformation and shift is about new and different, right? So you, you know, you're probably a beautiful, wonderful person right now, and I should say factually you are. Yet there's something different that you want. There's something new, and that's perfectly okay. So what is that? Who do you want to be? I want you to identify from all of that any gaps or an overlap. So if you look at who you are and who you want to be, how other people describe you and say about you, look for any gaps, look for the overlaps. So if you and your friends, peers, family members, you know, have the same themes about you, then highlight those and identify those. If there's gaps, if someone always says, oh my gosh, she's such a selfless person, selfless person, but you see yourself as selfish, well, identify that. Identify that conflict, that gap, because you need to get real and truthful about all of this, and we'll talk about that in a minute. All right, I want you to then really ask yourself— and this is kind of where we go even deeper, deeper than what we talked about in the past— I want you to talk about your truth, your convictions.

I want you to—

you—

I want you to write down and identify and discover what are the lies that you're telling yourself. What are the lies you're believing in? What are the lies that are skewing reality/perception of who you are, what your life is, and what your life could be. So some people lie to themselves that they could have a grand, you know, awesome, beautiful life. And yet those people that, you know, acknowledge those, admit those, are truthful to those unconcerned about what other people think, whether they think that they're boasting or being conceited or arrogant. You know, you speak to any of those that have accomplished those dreams and goals that they had, and they'll say that, yes, I just had this belief, I had this, this perception that I could do it even though I wasn't— I didn't have it, or I wasn't that person years ago. So what are those lies? What are the pains and, and the joys that that you experience in life. We all have them, and yet we don't necessarily either acknowledge them or honor them. So you'll hear more about the honoring in a few minutes, but you need to think about not only your truths and convictions and the lies you're telling about yourself, but you also want to talk about the pains and the joys that you feel. This is going much, much more much deeper than just describing who you are to yourself. And you'll understand, you know, how all of this is then just going to even get more detailed and more detailed and deeper as you go. And then of course you ask the questions, and it's standard questions that we talk a lot about, but we talk about what is it that you want and what is it that you don't want. You know, be okay with acknowledging those things, and keep in mind too, this is for you. This isn't for anybody else. So you can both— you could cry, you can, you know, be pained, you could be joyed, you know, it doesn't matter. This is only for you. And after you've done it, you could choose to throw the journal away or just say this is hogwash, or you could all of a sudden realize that all of this purging, all of this uncovering, all of this discovery of yourself is actually, you know, kind of creating such a point of clarity and such a weightlessness to yourself, not only physically but emotionally and mentally and spiritually. And you also want to kind of— you also want to get down to what are your faults and what are your strengths. And maybe you describe those back in, you know, how you describe who you are. And how other people see you. But really think about, all right, what are my faults? What are my strengths? What am I really good at and what am I really sucky at? And it's not tactical, it's not just tactical. It's not just, oh well, I don't do a great job cleaning my house. It's more so, and I think I even acknowledged this a few weeks ago on the show when we were talking about being grateful and sharing that gratefulness and that thankfulness with the other people in your life. And, you know, so one of my faults, I would say, is that I am really bad at like, you know, Christmas cards or birthday cards and birthday presents. I mean, I'm not bad at acknowledging, but I can always do a better job. But I do fall short of what other people do when it comes to, you know, acknowledging with a Christmas card or a birthday card. As opposed to just well wishes. So, you know, be truthful about that. It hurt me in the past, and it may sound selfish to say, since I've acknowledged it and since I've accepted it and forgave myself for it, I don't feel guilt toward it. It's just, it's just who I am. Can I change that? I absolutely could. Is it something that I want to change? It is, and so it's my job to do it. And now you have tons of information about what you will and want to change about yourself in order to really do the, you know, the work and the transformation that you're looking to achieve. Now all of that I really want you to do in less than 10 minutes. I mentioned that first one about just describing yourself takes 5 minutes. 3 to 5 minutes, and I still want you to do that because that's the hardest question people have to answer is describe yourself. It's like that number one interview question we talked about, you know, tell me about yourself. People kind of, you know, hesitate around it, and as I've always talked about in the past as well is truth rises to the surface. That's why in a lot of the work that I do with my clients, I'm greatly limit the amount of time I want them to spend thinking about or considering something. You know, I give them like 1 or 2 minutes to really kind of purge or splat or, or just dump whatever it is that they want to talk about, of a situation or a challenge that they might be happy having, or a fear that they might be having. And I limit them to that because I really truly believe that your truth is at the top of your mind. That's what I mean by truth sits at the surface. It's at the top of your mind, so it's going to be the first thing that comes off, you know, comes out of your mind. Uh, after that, you're kind of hauling and hemming and trying to come up with something, and I don't want you to necessarily do that. Uh, now that all said, I want you to sit with all of that for a few days. You could sit with it for an hour if you want and continue forward, but I really want you to sit with all of that for a few days. I want you to kind of first sit with just the experience. So you can scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble, cry, laugh, do whatever you're doing for, for that 10 minutes, and/or if you choose beyond. And then I want you to kind of just be okay with it and really kind of consider that experience. Was it hard? Was it easy?

Was it painful?

Was it joyful? Was it something that got you excited or are you still nervous about moving forward? Just really appreciate the journey, as they might say. All right, so then from there, and there's a lot more we could be discussing, but from then, from there, you're going to move into the confronting. Front. And you're going to go line by line through your discovery information, through all that stuff you just purged, and you go through line by line of it. Now, as you were writing things, it was probably very bulleted. Some people are very long-handed, but a lot of times they're bulleted, bulleted, and they're very— what would I call it— they're very one-worded. So for instance, if describe yourself, oh, I'm sweet, I'm funny, I'm impatient, I'm calm, cool, and it's very cryptic. And it doesn't really tie back to a situation or a story or an experience in someone's life. So confronting means now looking at all this information that you've discovered about yourself, and putting it back to the stories of your life, the experiences. What caused, you know, that description of yourself? What caused that fault or that lie or that truth or that want or that not want? What is it about that? So tie it back to events, experiences, people, situations. In your life, in all aspects of it, that connect those things together. Because it's going to be that, that story, that experience, that recall that you have that will help you to then say and look at that situation or experience and say, okay, what is the truth of it? You know, that— where is that evidence, that false evidence appearing real? So there's no reason for me to fear, you know, that situation anymore. I can let it go. Um, I could put it aside. It could even be embarrassing, humiliate— humiliating situations. Um, I remember going through my, my own journaling of all of this, and, you know, I— college and a few years after college I was burying stuff so deep that I was doing it through getting really drunk to where I'd black out and be found, you know, sprawled across— I'll never forget it— sprawled across my dorm room floor stark naked. So imagine what I felt like, you know, after at least I sobered up after that. It was not pretty. It It was very humiliating, and I carried that around with me for a really long time. But once I confronted it, and once I realized that certain bitches that I was carrying with me that was causing me to lash out were actually, you know, were— I was dealing with them through putting myself in those type of situations. And when I finally decided, no, I don't want that situation anymore, and that outcome anymore, I was able to, you know, confront it head-on in order to move forward through my journey. So that's all what we're looking for is to find those stories that are tied back to what you discovered about yourself that explain all of those things, explains the truth, the lies, the pains, the joys, the wants, the not wants, the faults, the strengths, you know, how you see yourself, how other people see you. It all ties back to situations, experience, encounters, and stories in your life. Now, after that, I want you to dig even deeper at going through the confronting stage. I want you to— now you might need to put aside and take some time because this isn't like a one-day experience. This takes time and it has to be on your timetable. Now, somebody like a coach or like myself should kind of call you out if you're taking too much time, if you're kind of pulling away, and if you're not doing the work because it is hard. But at the same time, be patient and kind with yourself because this is challenging. It's challenging work. All right. So I want to continue. Once you have done all of that, you're going to dig even deeper. And what I want you to be thinking about is the impact of not only that discovery but confronting it. What are you feeling? You know, I mentioned I felt shame after I discovered that, you know, the— that what was causing me to be, you know, passed out on the, on the ground stark naked was as a result of some, you know, sexual assault, sexual experiences, um, physical experiences— let's lump them in that— that I had had, you know, for years before that. And therefore, my— the way I was dealing with it was through that. And so I— once I kind of discovered that and I confronted all of that, oh my God, the the, the emotions that come over you are overwhelming in a lot of cases. But I want you to live in it. I want to live in that feeling that you're getting as a result of that discovery and that confrontation and, and that, you know, that impact that you're having. Is it that you feel great? Is it that you feel ashamed? Is it that you're hurting even more? Or is it that you're, that you're, um, you know, able to, you're able to kind of look at it realistically and deal with it. Okay, I want you to sit in it. I noticed that we have some callers. I'm just going to open up the lines. You don't have to say a word. I just want to make sure that I respect the fact that you're out there. And if you want to say something, just, just say so. And why— let me see. I can't seem to open up the lines. Let me try this. If any of you have a question, feel free to— yes, hi. Did you have a question?

Oh, hi, yes. I wanted to just ask about the process. So say, for example, if I have the— fear of running out of money. Um, so I'm just wondering what were the steps you're saying. So you're saying, I guess, watch what you're saying to yourself or saying to other people and how you feel?

Yes. Um, basically what I want to do— so let me first lump the 5, the 5 steps Okay, let me summarize them first because you can make a note of them. And yes, that's a great— that's, that's a challenge that I'm always— that I'm always brought from my clients. Not all of them, but so if you were to discover, confront— so the stages are discover, confront, shed, create, and accelerate. Okay, so yes, you want, you want to—

your fear—

now again, remember we talked about the fact that fear is false evidence appearing real. All right, so you have a fear of running out of money, so which is running out of love, which means kind of like running out of love. It is beautiful. Yes, yes, exactly. You know, someone's feeling that they're, they're losing something. It's not money. It's stability, right? You know, security, it's love, it's safety. Uh, so it's not the tangible money, it's all those other things. So that's a beautiful thing, you know, you just discovered. So then I would just have you saying to yourself, okay, so what are you saying to yourself? So that's where not only the thoughts but the words matter. What do you tell yourself about not only money, but your ability to earn money, your ability to deserve money, your ability to go out and get the type of clients or get the type of work that you're looking for. So yes, learning really about— like we talked about in the discover stage— learning about kind of, you know, how you see yourself and what you say to yourself and what you tell yourself and what are the lies and the truths about, you know, what you believe in. Those will all kind of, kind of point out to you what is holding you back from change. Flip that, flip that thing that you're, you're afraid of, of, um, running out of money. What if you had all the money in the world? What if you were, you know, overabundance in money? Uh, you know, so what if you started looking at it that way as opposed to the negative side of it, which is running out of money. Because there is tip— you know, there's business strategies, tips, you know, things you could be doing to ensure that you're— that you don't run out of money. Not to say that somebody doesn't— trust me, been there, done that. Yet it's also the approach and the attitude that you take toward it. So as opposed to thinking— if you're always thinking about this running out of money, Switch that around. What would I do with all the money that is going to be coming to me? Okay, okay, that's what you— that put— that puts you in a whole different mind state, doesn't it? What would I do? Yeah, when I have all the money that's coming to me, um, you know, and, and think and, and kind of really, you know, kind of illustrate that out, create a vision board around it. What would you do with all the money? And then you have to kind of turn it into a plan. Okay, what am I going to do in order to be able to have all those things that I'm going to get when I have money? Stop thinking about running out of money and think about, you know, actually getting— attracting all the money. And that creates a fire in your belly that gets you— that gets someone excited about, okay, I'm willing to, you know, try this and try that and step out here because I'm not, you know, accustomed to that. You know, around your situation. Okay, does that make sense?

Yeah, because it can, I guess, change your vibe from anxiety and stress and worry and fear to, I guess, abundance and hope.

Exactly, exactly. And, and, and we always talk about too here that, you know, if you're putting out energy and And you are, whether you know it or not. When you put out energy of desperation, of lack, that's what you're getting back. So if you really were to discover and really look at yourself when you're in that state of being, you know, oh my God, I had a shitty day today. You know why? Because you went out with a shitty attitude, or you went out with a negative, desperate, lacking attitude. But yet when you go out with a smile and you go out with a positive attitude and attraction and abundance that's probably what you're getting. It may not come right away in the, in the tangible money, but it may come in the way of smiles or referrals, or could somebody reaches out to you, or you all of a sudden come, come across, you know, a penny on the ground, which gets me excited all the time.

Um, you actually find money on the ground, like, like hundreds of dollars I found a couple of times on the ground. Yeah.

I'm hanging out with you. I'm hanging out with you. But I can guarantee you it's because you are— you have gone out into the world that day and you have been very positive, very open, very excited. You may not— I'm not saying you have to be like tiptoe or not tiptoe. You don't have to be like waltzing down the street to show that behavior. Show that emotion, but internally you're open, you're positive, you're excited, and therefore you're coming across money, you know, money at your feet. And so that's why it's so important and why I say, you know, change your thoughts, change your words. Because if you're using the words running out of money, you're most likely going to run out of money because those are the words that you're telling yourself. Within yourself. Right, right, right, right.

I get it. Yeah, thank you.

Okay, all right, you're welcome. Stay on, we're going to continue going through this.

Okay, definitely.

There's some other, other things. Thank you so much.

Okay, thank you.

All right everyone, all right everyone, we're not even going to take a break. We're going to just keep rolling through. We're talking about— we're in the confrontation stage. And I asked you to, once you confronted kind of all those things that you've discovered about yourself and you were, you kind of tied stories and experiences and encounters to why those things became a part of you, we talked about then you kind of acknowledging the impact that's having on you. I had mentioned to you previously, but for your new listeners, I realized that once I went, you know, once I discovered and confronted a lot about myself, I started to shed, and we're going to move into that in a minute. And it was so transformative that I had people commenting and asking me if I had a facelift. So if you want motivation in any way, shape, or form, and including our caller earlier, if you want, you know, motivation, for changing your words, changing your thoughts from all that negative, all that junk, to positive, open, and deserving thoughts and words, then consider the fact that you might get a, you know, a transformation literally that takes years off your face, years off your body, years off your eyes and your smile, and you could get a facelift that you never even had to pay for. Okay, but we need to keep moving on. All right, so once you've gone through all that, those discovery and confront stages, that the work really begins. You thought you worked already? Well, the shedding stage is really which will test your will. And why is that? Well, people don't like change, and you've already changed. Mind you. This caller, you know, our caller that was just on, you know, she just changed because she actually got onto a program and she kind of took the step to want to talk to someone and get some, some information and some advice. So, you know, the minute you're starting to work, do this work, you're changing. And yet shedding, what shedding really is going to entail is you've discovered all these things that you want and you don't want. I'm going to lump it, lump it into that. Well, what you don't want, you need to get rid of. Now that sounds easy enough, but guess what? When it comes to where you're sitting comfortable in your world and your existing existence right now, and then you're being asked to change that up, that— this is where people start running, and this is where my life jacket comes in to save them. Because it is hard for people. It's very hard for people. But I love this quote that I found from Elizabeth Gilbert, and she's a big, you know, life, life coach and author and speaker. She says, I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit. And I love that, not only because it's just, you know, powerful with, you know, using the term bullshit, but it's true. You know, you get to a point where you're just so sick of living, for instance, in the, the thought of running out of money, or in the thought of being in this horrific relationship, or this nasty job, or dealing with this bitch of a boss, whatever the case might be. So shedding now kind of requires you to say, okay, if you've acknowledged that you don't want all of these things in your life, then you have to start being brave to get rid of them, to start shedding them. So you have to look at the people in your life, the places in your life that you go and hang out or, or, you know, get involved in. And it could be your job and your employer or your own business, whatever the case might be. It could be the, the hobbies or the, um, activities that you partake in that are just not serving you, and you have to decide, I'm no longer doing that. You know, I've given up hobbies and— I haven't given them up, I've changed them dramatically in where I do them or who I do them with in order to shed the things that were just no longer serving me. So in your journal, I want you to dedicate a page just to shedding, and I want you to draw a line down the middle. I want you to put on one side, shed, and I want you to put on the other side, honor. Now this is where Shift from Bitch to Rich comes from. You know, we all have things we don't, you know, that don't, we don't want and that don't serve us and that we don't like about ourselves. But there's things that we really need to honor about ourselves. We need to, you know, really kind of pat ourselves on the back and appreciate who we are. So I want you to, on one side, to note all the things that you want to shed. And I want on the other side all the things that you honor about yourself, your riches as I call them. And I want you to be really clear about what those are because you're going to use this all as, as this work continues to really transform your life. All right, so on the shed side, all the things that aren't working. On the riches side, all the things that are working. And I want you to really look at, apart from the people, places, and things, I want you to look at your beliefs, I want you to look at the words you're using. I want you to look at the emotions, the habits, the disciplines that you think have served you to date, but you've realized, no, they haven't. So you're either shedding them or you're honoring them. And all of those things I want you to then kind of sit with and go quiet with, because what you're going to need to do is you're going to need to accept them, act on them, and create create what it is you really want as a result of them. All right? Now, we're going through this last section quite fast, so don't worry. We can expand on it, and I can even expand on it both in this recording and share with you that extended recording, and also in our blog post on shameandabitch.com. All right, so you now have tons of information. You've discovered, you confront it, and you've shed so much about who you were and who you now are. And now you're going to act on all of that in order to create what you want. And creating is so much fun. You're going to want to create. Create, it sounds like it's going to be easy, but it could be hard because again, you're changing and you're doing things new, and people that, you know, start doing things new get a little anxious. But it should be looked at as so exciting that the world's opened up to you, and now you can kind of get creative around what it is that you're, you're now going to work on. So what I want you to start doing is I want you to start defining what are your new goals, because now you have new goals. There's no way the goal that you had you know, when you started discovering yourself, confronting and shedding, are the same. It's impossible, and I'll challenge anyone to tell me differently through the work that you do. All right, but I also want you to start creating tips and strategies and tools that you're going to use because you've experienced all of this already, that you're going to continue to use to combat the new bitches that are going to come up, the new fears, insecurities, doubts, and negativities.. And I want you to be able to have a plan and have strategies in place in order for you to tackle them proactively. Now for everyone here and for Deborah actually online, we're not going to run the commercial. I'm going to finish up this last section without totally cutting it off. So we will continue beyond the hour mark. And so if you're able to stay on and listen live, you know, thank you and do so. And if not, then those of you who download later, just know that this isn't going to end at the 60-minute mark. It will go beyond that. All right. So that aspect of creating that I was getting into is also not only creating your new goals and your new wants. And even your new victory plan. So for those of you who listened to our show last week, no, the week before, we talked through our Shift to Riches rich planning, and it includes your SMART goals and a victory plan. You can go to shedinthethebitch.com and look for the blog post from that episode and download the template that I provided you, and listen to the program 'cause it walks you through that template to work through your SMART goals and your Victory Plan. And that's what you can start using within creating your new life, all right? As well as creating the tips and the strategies you're going to use in order to combat any of the new bitches that are going to come up. We can do all this work over and over and over again, and you're never going to get rid of 100% any fears, insecurities, doubts, and negativity. Because as you're creating, it's new, it's different, and therefore new doubts, new questions, new uncertainties come up. Well, now you're armed with things that you could be using because you've already proved you can push through and overcome, and now you're going to continue to use them as you move forward. All right, so in those approaches approaches and those techniques of creating your new life, you could, you know, kind of tie back to, you know, if you are looking at your don't, you know, you don't want this, what's not serving you list, what you need to shed out of your life list, you can define approaches or techniques to deal with each and every one of them. So say you need to spend time— or I'm sorry, you need to spend less time with people. Who drain you. Who are they specifically? You, you know, choose to seek out new places and people and activities to do that get you excited. I started in, you know, my improv classes. I started playing pickleball. I started, you know, going out intentionally to meet new people because the people that I shed from my life were no longer serving me. And yet I found myself on the couch alone, so that wasn't gonna, you know, achieve what I wanted. So then I had to go and, you know, kind of clearly define tips and strategies and techniques for overcoming what I was shedding from my life. All right, you can, you know, think about prayer, meditation, working out, daily affirmations. Journaling can become, you know, an approach or a technique that you now pick up on. My father taught me when I was 8 to start journaling, to kind of, um, uh, what I, I guess, feel what I was experiencing in my life and deal with it— good, bad, or indifferent. And I've carried it on ever since. So, you know, you could be 80 today and all of a sudden Bernadette's telling you to start journaling, and the value you start feeling as a result of journaling and the great emotions it's allowing you to to dump or to hang on to, and you say, oh wait, I like this idea of journaling. I mentioned the books that I read each morning now. You know, one's a daily prayer— I'm sorry, one's a daily devotional and the other's a book on saints, and I just chose to, you know, read one saint a day out of this book. So new things can be learned and new habits and disciplines and approaches can be taken on. So think through what can you be creating to create that new life, and, you know, just go for it. Once, once you've done all of that, once you've done all of that, the last stage or step is accelerating. Now this is where creating is fun, accelerating is even more fun. So for instance, for our caller who is going to go forward and start telling herself that she's creating abundance in her life. She's thinking about what she's going to be able to do when she— when all that money comes to her, when all those opportunities come to her. Her whole, you know, thought frame, thought process around money, she's going to shift and it's going to be more positive. So she finds more of those $100 bills that she says that she finds— I'm jealous— at her feet. Well, once she's done all that, she's then going to start creating this new plan around how can I make money, what are all my different options. And, and call her, feel free to reach out and, and schedule some time with me because I can in 15 minutes give you tips and strategies and things that you could be doing around specifically around the money. So accelerating, what that means is you're, you're not going to be happy with just just what you've now created, even though it's so much greater than what you had before, because now you've shifted and transformed. You're going to want more, and, and not in a greedy way. So let me simply give you a for instance. I was miserable in corporate. They fired me. I did the work to shed the person that I was. I all of a sudden saw this world opening up in front of me. I then decided to write about it, and I wrote a book. I then was going through my creating of being an author and a radio show host and doing this coaching and consulting, and I was like, oh my gosh, my adrenaline was just pumping and my positivity and my outlook on life was just so grand and so wonderful. And then all of a sudden, someone brings me this idea of turning my book into a film script, and then all of a sudden I become a screenwriter, and I'm like, you know, so I'm excited. Accelerating my life as a result of the work that I've done and the, and the shifts and the transformations that I've made. And that's what we're talking about, is just taking it, you know, putting that pedal to the metal and taking, you know, what you had, turning into what you want, and then taking that what you want into what you now possess, and then just accelerating on, on that and making it even, you know, grander. And you can do it, you can do it. And you're now even growing into that state of confidence and state of certainty and state of knowing. And, you know, out-of-the-box thinking that will lead you toward being able to, to accelerate on what it is that you've already created and transformed. And that's exciting, it's so exciting. It's not easy, but you— if you do the work and put in the time and feel and live in the whatever it is that's going to come up during your journey, uh, you will find your whole world changing in front of you. I guarantee you. And I'd be excited to experience it along with you. So please feel free to reach out to us— Facebook, Twitter— come to me directly at Bernadette Boas at sheddingthebitch.com. Through LinkedIn. Many of you find me through LinkedIn. Whatever the case might be, embrace it, welcome it, even long for it. Even long for that struggle, that pain, that fear, that anxiety. But yet sooner or later it's going to be excitement. It will, I promise you. All right, so again, next week we're going to be talking about time management hacks. Thanks for sticking around for this extended version of the show. And for all of you and from all of us in the Shedding the Bitch community, have a rich, prosperous week. We'll talk to you next week. Take care, everybody.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.