Step 2 of The 5 Steps to Shed the Bitch - CONFRONT

Happy, happy, happy day! How are you, everybody? It is our power series right here in our Shedding the Bitch page. And to kind of, um, back— backtrack a little bit, I decided to do this, uh, power series, um, regarding 5 steps to shed your bitches so you can create riches in your life, because I was finding over the last several weeks, let alone what I find, you know, in the 12 years I've been coaching and consulting with, um, uh, business owners, corporate professionals, and whatnot, that they spend so much time focused on mastering, you know, their skill set, the tools and technologies and apps that they need to be using in their business or in their career, that they really leave out the fact that about 90, 95% of their success is really going to come as a result of their mindset, not their skill set. Because you can have the best-looking resume and LinkedIn profile, and you can have all of these accomplishments, and yet, yet if you are insecure, if you're doubting yourself, if you're fearful, if you're not willing to take risks, if you're, you know, uncertain and questioning yourself all the time, then you're not going to leverage any of those skills. So I wanted to take some time this week to walk through one day at a time. We're talking each of— each one of the 5 steps in the Shedding the Bitch, um, formula. It's also the Shift to Riches formula, um, at the same time, you know, in a much more expansive way. So you can really understand what is a tool that I can be using each and every day when all of a sudden I am finding myself stuck, or I am finding myself doubting myself, or I am kind of just not I'm feeling it and I'm, uh, depressed or sad or anxious or stressed or overwhelmed. Um, you know, if you do have a great opportunity sitting in front of you but you're starting to, you know, question yourself and doubt yourself and beat yourself up and start that negative self-talk, you know, I want to give you a tool that you can easily pull out, either tangibly or it's so simple you're going to remember it, that you can then walk through and find yourself shifting very quickly. And that's what it's all about. We all are going to have days where, you know, what's going on in between our two ears is just overwhelming the actions we want to be taking, is overwhelming the goals and the dreams we have for ourselves, is overwhelming the potential that we know is there. And we're gonna either fall victim to it or we're gonna kind of push our way through it. Especially leveraging this tool that you could be using in order— or in order for you to stumble but not totally crash and burn. And that's, that's our goal, is let you know you're going to stumble, you're going to misstep, you're even going to fail. But it's a matter of how quickly are you going to recover from that and continue moving forward. All right. So I want to continue this conversation. We talked about Discover yesterday, um, and it's the first of the 5 steps. So in, in this, um, formula that I'm talking about, we have Discover, we have Confront, which we're going to talk about today. Tomorrow we're going to talk about, um, Shedding, and then we're going to talk about Creating on Thursday and Accelerating on Friday. And each one of these stages is a total mindset total self-discovery, self, um, excavation of your soul, as I call it, in order for you to really become self-aware and really in tune with who you are and what keeps you moving forward or what really yanks you back and holds you down. And if you are willing to do the work and take the time to consider implementing each of these steps into your day in and day out, then I can guarantee you— and I'm willing to put that out there— I can guarantee you that you will find yourself moving through and shifting to a much more effective, confident, bold, courageous, empowered, and results-oriented place. Okay, uh, so yesterday, as I was saying, we talked about Discover, and this is probably the deepest work that I do with my clients. And again, these clients are either entrepreneurs or the corporate professionals. They're at all levels of the spectrum. And, um, every one of us, you know, deal with really needing to ask the questions about who we are, um, who we aren't, who we want to be, what we want, what we don't want, what inspires us, what drains us, um, you know, what do you want your, your world to look like today, tomorrow, 10 years from now, 20 years from now, uh, so a whole series of kind of excavating questions about who you are, uh, so you can get a really good grounding, uh, about that. So then you can do the other work that's going to be necessary in order for you to really be very self-aware and really in touch with what it is that you want from this one life that you have that goes really, really fast. All right, so Um, as we talked about yesterday, um, once you have a really good handle— and you can go back to that, uh, session in the Shedding the Bitch Facebook page, and it's also out on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel— and so go back to that and really kind of pull out, um, the questions and the scenarios that I pulled together from a, uh, Discover step perspective. And today, from a confronting phase, we're going to now extend and use all of that information that you're now, you know, journaling. Maybe you're capturing it on audio, um, maybe you're, you know, putting it into a vision board or into your goals, whatever the case might be. Maybe you're capturing it online. And now we want to talk through the confronting of all that data. Now, I I did mention, and I'll continue to mention, anytime you're doing kind of self-work on yourself, yeah, people, you know, are often not comfortable with it. I mean, you know, if you had told me 12 years ago I would be doing all this, you know, self-discovery work, excavating of the soul work, I would have told you you were absolutely nuts because I just was kind of operating and going, going, going, going, going. I wasn't sitting back and taking time to say, oh, what is it that I want and who am I and who Who am I not? And who do I want to be? And who do I not want to be? And, you know, what do I want from my life? You know, I, I just kind of went. I woke up in the morning, put my feet on the ground, and I just kind of stormed into life and kind of generated whatever it was that the universe wanted to bring to me. Well, you tend to learn, you know, as, as the years goes on and the seasons change, you tend to learn that that's not def— you know, that's not the way you want to operate. You want to be very intentional. You want to be very purposeful. You want to be very, um, present. And you want to be very self-aware of how you yourself are influencing anything that's coming towards you or being pushed away from you. And that's what this is all about. And so I want to share a brief story, especially when it comes to this confront stage, because I probably diverted a little bit. It won't be easy. It won't be fast necessarily. It won't be fun. It may not be joyful all the time, but it also won't be painful, shameful, embarrassing, unless you, you know, you are finding information about yourself that you then need to confront and be okay with. So definitely be kind to yourself. Be patient. And just, you know, kind of take care of you going through this, you know, journey and using this formula. Maybe initially it seems like a big chunk, it seems overwhelming and expansive, yet at the same time, like, I have gotten it to the point where when, you know, anytime I find myself up in the morning, I did my morning process but I'm still in my head, or I'm kind of just not feeling it, I just kind of sit myself down and start saying, okay, so what do I need to discover about the situation? And then what do I need to confront? And what do I need to shed, create, and accelerate? Um, so we'll expand on all that as we go forward. But when it comes to the confronting, um, I actually was reminded of this, um, situation that happened in 2010. So we're going on 11 years Uh, it was 2 years following my being fired and, and, you know, setting out on my own after having a 25-year corporate career and discovering what a nasty woman I was. And so I was, I was just in kind of the initial stages of what I call the shedding process, or even these 5 steps to, to shed the bitches. And I was out at a conference in Vegas And it was about, I don't know, 1,200 people. And long story short, there was this woman, Liana Cioli, um, and I— she was with, um, Image Therapy International. She's basically a, um, a fashion coordinator, and I just was drawn to her immediately. She's absolutely beautiful. If you look up, uh, Image Therapy International She's a beautiful woman, but more importantly, I was just, you know, pulled to her for her spirit. I was still in the stage of kind of being very rigid, very formal, very, you know, polished in everything that I was doing. And I was definitely wearing still this mask of an angst of a woman and, uh, just wasn't letting anybody in and very guarded. And I certainly had already been through some of my discovery process, really learning about the fact that I was this nasty individual. And I was working really hard to break down those walls, to really discover and then confront kind of what was it from my past. What were those situations, encounters, experiences, um, relationships? What were those things that caused me to put up such a wall and to put on such an ugly, ugly, uh, personality to myself where, you know, I was wreaking havoc on everyone and everything around me? So I happened to approach Liana, and I just said to her, I said, you know what, I'm, I'm really looking, you know, to kind of change up my wardrobe. I'm coming out from this corporate environment, you know, suits and high heels and, uh, you know, skirts and blazers, and I, I'm really looking to kind of soften things up. Would you be open to helping me with that? And she's like, absolutely, absolutely. Why don't you come up to the room and why don't you let me walk you through, you know, all the, all the, um, clothes that she brought with her. And I said, oh, I was so excited. I mean, what woman doesn't want to walk into a kind of a showroom, which is what she set her hotel room up to be? So I go in and we're going, you know, we're going through and she's pulling things out for me. And I'm like, yeah, that's pretty, that's beautiful. She's like, this would look great with your eye color and blah blah blah blah blah. So I go to try probably 7 or 8 dresses on, and I would come out and I'd be like, yeah, no, this isn't fitting right, this doesn't feel right, this isn't, you know, this, this, you know, this just doesn't match and mirror who I am. And, and, uh, so By the end of this conversation, um, or I'll even call it a consult for about an hour. And after going through 8 or 9, or maybe even a dozen different selections she had for me, I didn't take any of them. And so I was like, well, you know, I'm really sorry, you know, thank you so much for all of that. And I kind of went on my way and she approached me at lunch and we happened to be at the table before everybody else got into lunch. We happened to be at the table, um, by ourselves. And she's sitting on the other side of this round table. And I said, you know, I'm really sorry, you know, I didn't, you know, I didn't, you know, find any of those outfits that you picked out for me, you know, suitable, all this kind of good stuff. And she's like, what was your family life like? I was like, what the hell? And I'm like, excuse me? And she's like, just curious, what was the family dynamic like? Growing up. I'm like, I'm sorry, but what the hell does that have to do with the fact that I wanted to stop wearing black? Because I wore black all the time for like 20 years. And I said, what does my family have to do with the fact that I just want to change up wearing black all the time to something else, you know, and to softer clothes as opposed to, you know, the clothes, um, the fabrics I was wearing before? And she said, well, because, you know, you have so many walls up and you are so guarded, and yes, you're learning a great deal about yourself, um, from, you know, over the last, you know, several months to almost like a year and a half. She's like, but your resistance to even consider that all of those beautiful, you know, pieces of clothing looked gorgeous on you and will fit the Bernadette, the true Bernadette that you are working to discover and confront and then shed what is causing you this, this wall and this resistance, um, is really going to continue to prevent you from being your authentic self, who you're meant to be and who you are and who I see. This is her explaining who I see. This, you know, until you, you know, do that work will you really find yourself drawn to softer fabrics and to different types of clothing and colors and so forth and so on. I thought the woman was completely nuts, but she said, but she said to me, so just continue doing the work. And, you know, we go into this, um, conference, uh, 5 times a year. So she's like, and the next time, you know, you come back then let's get together again and see where you are in your journey. Well, you know, it wasn't— it might not have been the next 3 months, um, when I went back to the conference and saw Liana, but certainly by the 6-month mark. And I brought an empty suitcase and she just piled it in. So the point of— the point of, you know, the shedding the bitch process and every— all the work that I do is to help you really, what we talked about yesterday, discover who you truly are. And because at first when you answer those questions that I gave you yesterday, you're going to come up with, you know, kind of very surface type of information. Yes, I always say truth sits on the surface, but it's the truth of your reality right now. Of your view on the world right now. Not necessarily if you broke down and you identified all the limiting beliefs, all the fears, insecurities, doubts, negativities, uncertainties that you feel about yourself and where they came from. Then are you going to really truly find the truth of who you are and who you're meant to be? And that's where the confronting is so powerful. This stage of confronting is so powerful because yesterday you took time to really kind of dig into what are those questions, what are those scenarios, what are those things I need to consider to discover who I am, who I want to be, who I don't want to be, what do I want in my life, what do I not want in my life, who do I not want in my life, um, what is my vision, what are the things that inspire me, what are those things that I never allow myself— I don't give myself permission to confess, to acknowledge that this is what I truly want. And yet this work that you could be doing in just this 5-Day Power Series, let alone should you want to continue more— and we'll discuss that, um, later— but you know, this is your opportunity to take time for yourself, only for you. No one needs to know you're doing it. I don't even need to know you're doing it. Just really, just kind of settle in with the idea that, you know what, I might be at a season or a stage in my life where I know I'm not happy. I know that there's more. I know that there's different, new, bigger, better out there. I know that I'm not living true to who I am. And so yesterday, go and discover it. Go and discover all of it. And you won't discover all of it in one sitting. It's, it's why I work with My clients, my average clients is 3 to 4 years. So you won't discover all of it, but you'll discover enough to where you're like, whoa, okay, I'm going to keep moving forward. So that brings us to today in the confronting. So you've discovered in yesterday's session and with all the questions and scenarios I gave you a lot about yourself, enough to get yourself kind of moving forward and recognizing kind of where you are looking to go and want to go. And maybe you haven't made the, you know, the decision or choices to do that yet, but yet you have enough information to then say, okay, I need to confront the people, places, things, beliefs, you know, the internal and the external. I have enough to really kind of look at it and confront it for what it is. Now, the confronting makes up two, two aspects. It confronts you. You want to confront the bitches, which are your fears, insecurities, negativities, doubts, limiting beliefs, you know, all those things. But you also want to confront, or what I call honor, your riches— all those skills, talents, qualities, traits, experiences, expertise, you know, accomplishments, all those beauty marks that you have about yourself. And too often, far too often, Women fail to do that. We, we can look at our bitches really easily, really easily, but we, you know, rarely will I sit down with someone and all of a sudden they're just giving me accolades of themselves, which they should be honoring who they truly are. So in the confronting, you have the opportunity to do that. You have the opportunity to really look at all those things that you discovered and said and say to yourself, okay, so what are all that my fears, insecurities, doubts, negativities? And even go one step, um, deeper. Where did they come from? I mentioned briefly yesterday, um, that I'm one of 12 children. I'm in the middle, middle. I'm the 8th, but I'm like the middle 4, and I'm your stereotype middle child. And for my first 9 or 10 years, probably actually my first 40, but my first 9 or 10 years, I was known as the milkman's daughter, the, the, the postman's daughter. I was kind of like the blonde hair, blue-eyed, you know, very different girl than my 11 siblings who were freckle-faced and dark-haired and fair-skinned and, and very, very different than me. And, you know, it was a common tease that I was adopted, that I was the postman's daughter, I was the muckman's daughter, to the point where even strangers on the street would say to my parents, You have 11. Why do you need a 12th coming along? And I believed for the longest time until I went crying to my mother, but I believed that I was adopted because of everything that was kind of even jokingly gestured at me. But I, you know, I instilled it and believed it. And it was— it carried forward into my mid-40s. Where I never really felt like I belonged. I never felt like I fit. I never felt like I was wanted in a group or in a circle or, or what— wherever the case might be, until I really kind of did this work that I'm talking about and confronted the fact that, you know what, that feeling of not fitting in, of not belonging, came from that— those first few years of my life where I didn't think I belonged to my own family. So the confronting really gives you an opportunity, no matter how hard, painful, shameful, humiliating. I mean, certainly when I had a, you know, when I discovered that I was this nasty individual, you know, at 48, I had to confront that with all the shame and disgust and, and self-loathing and everything that came with it. I had to confront that in order to then free myself and move myself forward. So in this confronting stage, you want to once again be true to who you are. And I think I have like stuff all over my face. We could do that, right? We're friends. Um, but, um, you, you know, you want to get to this point. And again, this is between you and you, unless you want it to be between you and me. But, you know, you're in a safe space. With yourself and maybe a journal to really kind of, you know, work it out, cry it out, cheer it out, beat yourself— you know, not beat yourself up, but, you know, just kind of work through all those emotions and those feelings that maybe come up with you through the stage. At the same time, remember, honor your riches. So you also want to make note of all those wonderful things about you that people say of you, that you think of yourself. That, you know, that, you know, maybe magazines have said about you, or clients, or whomever. And you want to honor your riches as much as you really want to confront your bitches of fear, insecurities, doubts, limiting beliefs, negativity, anything. And where they're coming from, where are they stemming from? Because, because I can guarantee you, all of those neg— you know, negative, ugly things, they're not true. They're not true. So in the confronting phase, I also want you to look at the fact that if you made the list of all of your bitches and you made the list of all your riches and you said, okay, so what's my evidence that I'm these things? On both sides, on both sides. Okay, now you're gonna have a really easy time. You're gonna have a really easy time kind of saying, okay, so my accomplishments, my reward— rewards, awards, my experience, my, um, expertise, my skills, you know, you're going to have an easy time identifying all those things, all those experiences and encounters, relationships, work projects, companies. You're gonna have an easy time identifying all that when all of a sudden you're having to look at and really, really confront Where are these limiting beliefs coming from? Where are these fears I'm feeling coming from? Where's this anxiety coming from? Where— and it's not like yesterday. Oftentimes it's not even like last year or 10 years ago. If you're, you know, at least on this earth for, you know, 20, 30, 50, 70 years, it— you may have to go back like I did. You may have to go back. To very, very, very young to really, really understand and confront where are all of your beliefs, emotions, feelings, and thoughts— where are they really coming from? And trust me when I say— and we'll talk about it tomorrow— but trust me when I say, as you do this, and as maybe hard, difficult, uncomfortable painful, but yet at the same time fun and joyful with all those riches. When you get into what we're going to talk about tomorrow, oh my gosh, you're, you know, you've already a different person from discovering yourself yesterday, from yesterday's conversation, let alone what you're now confronting and, and kind of willing to look at and acknowledge. Let, you know, let alone what you're going to be able to experience as you continue going through these steps. All right. So I really want you to take the opportunity to sit and reflect and dig deep. And even what I will often tell clients of mine to do, and it comes from my journaling. My journaling is a combination of diary and journaling. Yet at the same time, it's not, you know, a day, day in, day out account of my life. It's more kind of what I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing. What are my beliefs? What are my emotions? What are my thoughts? What are my feelings? I didn't recognize that until I was like in my 30s or 40s, that that's what that— all my writing is really about. But even if you were to sit down and chronologically go through, like start when you were the earliest memory you have of yourself— that's how I discovered, you know, this whole thing about my feeling, you know, like I didn't belong. Is I kind of went, said, I have to go all the way back. Forget about the fact that I'm one of 12 and I'm a middle child and I'm always yelling and screaming for attention. That's other things. But, but here, here, um, you know, you go all the way back. And I, and I know, and I appreciate that it won't be easy, but just do it. Be willing to do it. Be willing to do it because it's for you. And, and then take yourself, you know, from, you know, toddler to when you start walking to when you're, you know, going to grade, um, kindergarten and then into grade school. And as you progress, as you become a teenager, for women, as you become, you know, a young lady, um, you know, as you become a, you know, in high school and then you go into college and, and go all the way through. And I can't share with you all of my stories of all the different things that I've uncovered about myself that has driven or did drive you know, even my 30s and my 40s. That happened in my teens and my 20s. And then what happened influenced my, you know, 40s was what was going on with me in my 30s. So really just take some time to do this. All right. Now, if you are— if you need kind of a supporting hand, you know, a loving touch, someone to kind of walk you through this, talk you through this, allow you a very safe, confidential space to work through this. At the same time, there's very specific— there's very specific, you know, processes and practices and exercises and, and work that would be done as we go through this. Because what we're also looking at is how are all these things driving your business? Because I'm a mindset business success coach, many of you know that. So how is all of these emotion beliefs, emotions, feelings, thoughts, words, actions— how are they affecting and impacting the results you're getting in your business, let alone in your life? So as we're working through even these 5 steps to shed your bitches, we're working on what the impact and what the influence and what changes we can be making in your business to support what it is you're discovering yesterday, confronting today, and as we move forward, shedding, creating, and accelerating. And so if you need, you know, accountability, if you need support, if you need strategies, ideas, a sounding board, an accountability partner, then consider scheduling a call with me. Um, because I don't put people right into our, our programs, but schedule a call with me and let me discuss with you our 3-month Discover You immersion, um, program. Uh, it is a great— someone said to me, Bernadette, I was calling it a jump starter just a few, you know, weeks ago, and they're like, gosh, this is not a jump starter. You have me deep in both my business and my life, uh, making changes and, and really discovering, uh, new things and, and allowing me to kind of revamp and, and really transform. But if you want to learn more about what you could be doing in just a 3-month period with very intense one-on-one coaching and support and accountability and sounding boards and strategies and, and, and 911 calls and you name it, then schedule a call with me. You see the address there, tiny.cc/powerhousesession. And let's talk, okay? And let's see if it's something that would work for you. Tomorrow we're going to get into the shedding. Once you've discovered and confronted, we're going to talk about shedding. And again, this is like opening yourself up. It's letting things go. So you're opening yourself up while you're maintaining and honoring those riches that also bring you such joy and excitement. All right, thank you very much, and I will see you at noon— or I'm sorry, I'll see you at 2 Eastern time tomorrow in our Shedding the Bitch page or on our YouTube Shedding the Bitch TV channel. All right. See you then. Bye.