Stop Saying "I'm Sorry" If You Want To Succeed!

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch. On Shedding the Bitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this beautiful, beautiful day? I am very excited to be talking with you today, though disappointed— I have an update— disappointed that our guest that we talked about last week, Sharon Williams, we're going to have to delay having her in studio. She had a last-minute emergency come up and she needed to reschedule. So as soon as we know when she can get back on the books, and we'll make it a priority even if it means switching out another subject matter, then we will do that because it was going to be a great extension to our previous conversation all around bearing your soul and bearing witness, and that we had last week. And I had mentioned that it came from a conversation that Sharon and I had over lunch when we met up for our kind of our you know, bi-yearly, you know, kind of get-together. And so we'll get that rescheduled, but I did come across a subject that I thought would be really important for us to discuss in place of that. Last week I had the honor, and it was just a lot of fun, I had the honor of being a speaker for a Women's Leadership Summit here in Atlanta. A dear friend and longtime colleague, Jennifer Matelski— I've known her, you know, in her previous role in the past in radio— she had reached out and asked me to be a speaker. And so we were going to be speaking on— I was specifically going to be speaking on breaking the glass ceiling with panache. Now, if any of you— you could probably raise your hand— have attended a women leadership summit of any kind. A great deal of it is focused on you as a leader, you as a woman. A lot of it would focus on tips and tricks for kind of enriching and enhancing your career and even your life because that's what, you know, we all— we talk about here is your career, business, and life because what happens at home impacts you at work and vice versa. Anyway, long story short, this particular Women's Leadership Summit, very good, very powerful presentations, conversations. There was panels, there was individual speakers.

But—

well, I don't want to say a but. There was a lot of conversation about the value of women. In the workplace. Now, even you and I have had that conversation before. I speak a lot. I speak and coach and train a lot on the ROI, the return on investment of women in the workplace. I just had not heard a lot of other people and/or a lot of transparency and full disclosure around that subject matter. Now, one element of it which brought me to this conversation today, one element of that conversation of the value of women in the workplace was a devaluing of women. What devalues women in the workplace? And it kind of— it didn't culminate into our subject matter for today, but it was one of the major factors of devaluing you and your worth in in the workplace. And that was our propensity to say, "I'm sorry," on a quite regular basis. And the use of that word, that phrase, is one that definitely devalues women. You know, definitely at work, even at home, and I'm even going to mention to you, at pickleball. And we will talk about that. So, that is what I really want to kind of take out of that great day is what were the women in that room, there was 250+ women in that room, what were they really kind of echoing and sharing and then the speakers really emphasizing when it comes to that. And I have to say it was, it has been something I have worked on I would say up like 3 to 5 years ago, I worked on this for myself, let alone for my clients, because I found myself doing the same. So we'll get into all of that. And in order for you to kind of get your head into the conversation, let me give you some scenarios of what I mean when we say I'm sorry. And of course, we're not talking about when we must apologize. And must put our heart on our sleeves with a true apology. But I'm talking about things like when we say, "I'm sorry to take up so much of your time, but I have a great idea," or "I have something I want to share," or, you know, "Could you just give me a couple of minutes?" Maybe it's in the form of, "Oh, I'm sorry, this is probably not what you're looking for, but here's the report I pulled together." Another scenario could be, "I'm sorry, I was running late," or, "I'm sorry that I didn't see the email." "I'm sorry that I had to leave a few minutes early because of X, Y, and Z." If you can relate to any of that, you're definitely going to be able to relate to our conversation today. But before we get there, I want to remind you of our previous episodes, so you can certainly go and download those, relish in them, learn from them. Really, you know, our goal is for you to just be able to find nuggets of tips and techniques and even some tough love for you to help shift wherever you're at in your career, business, or life. And some of the episodes that we've had have been, as I mentioned, Grab Someone and Bear Your Soul. Another one was our Ask Me Anything episode, which is the first Tuesday of every month, and it takes your questions, stories, or challenges about your career, business, or life, and I will provide you some tips and advice to help you move along with whatever that question was. We've had discussions about believing in what it is that you want to achieve and obtain and why that is the secret sauce to success because a lot of us visualize. We, you know, vision board. We, you know, sketch out in a journal, whatever the case might be, but you could do all of that, yet if you don't believe in yourself and your ability to manifest that visualization, then that's probably why you might be struggling and feeling that you're going against the tide. We've talked about faith, gratitude, and thankfulness. We've talked about the fact that aging indeed sucks, but it provides such freedom, and a number of other subjects across the gamut when it comes to your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and business success. So you can check out all of the past episodes. You can go to Apple Podcasts, you can go to shamedandabitch.com, you can go to blogtalkradio.com and forward slash Shamed and a Bitch Radio. And you'll find our channel and, and a number of other sources, but those three are the primary. So go and check all of them out and always feel free to leave a comment, subscribe, and let us know how these subjects are kind of impacting your life. That's what we'd like to hear. Now going back to our subject for today in regards to the fact that you saying, "I'm sorry," is negatively impacting your career and maybe your life, the question I want you to be thinking about as we move into this discussion, it's called our rich question. We provide each week a rich question that grounds you in our conversation, that helps you get into a mindset where you're working to relate, and if you can relate, then maybe there's something that you can tweak and learn from as a result of our conversation. So for today, the rich question I want you to be thinking about is, how many times in a day do you say, "I'm sorry"? And it can be in any way, meaning it could be in any terms. It could be in any type of situation, even if you were in the grocery store and someone brushed up against you, or you were delaying the woman at the cash register because you forgot something, whatever the case might be. And our rich tips— oh, I'm sorry, our rich tags that you can be using to share with us on Facebook or Twitter are #StopApologizing, #LeadWithConfidence, and #ShedTheBitch. Now I'm also going to pepper in with you and kind of tie back to why I brought up my— the speech that I did last week about breaking the glass ceiling with panache, because it all had to do with value and worth. And how you view yourself as a leader. So when we get back, we'll dive right into this conversation, and we will see what we could be doing to stop apologizing and really upping our value at work. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, confront and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media-relations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking about the term "I'm sorry" and the impact that it has on you. Now, of course, we all at times have a reason to apologize, but data studies have found that women kind of blow that out of proportion, that they don't do it just for when something is deserving of an apology. But they deserve it at any point they think or feel as if they're not good enough, they're not being liked enough, that they need to fit in, that they need to ensure that what they are doing is, is considered not even valuable but just even good and acceptable. And so what we need to do is first really understand how it comes across to other people, whether it's us doing it or even how you perceive it when other people do it. And I found myself all of a sudden kind of realizing this on the other side of it, meaning I'd been working on and recognized several years ago that I was regularly apologizing, and it was before— well, it was during my shedding process and before I really realized that I had an issue with my self-worth, with valuing kind of all of the riches that I possess, while appreciating even the bitches that I was consumed with, because that's— they're all of those things is what made me who I am. Was and now am. So I want you to be able to kind of look at it, if you have to, from a third-party perspective, meaning that you're witnessing this, and how does it make you feel, and how do you perceive that other person when they do this, and especially if they do it regularly. And then I want you to be thinking about and put yourself on the other side where Is this something that you're doing? Is this something you find yourself guilty of, and therefore you need and want to kind of consider what shifts need to be made? Because it is— I'll just put it out there right now— it is and will continue to negatively impact not even your contribution and the work that you're doing, but any future opportunities that you might have, of how people perceive you and therefore how people talk about you. And what I mean by talk about is even advocate and sponsor you. It will have a significant impact to all of that. So let me run through a few scenarios that actually have happened only in just like over the last week or so. From people that I've been in contact with and engaging with. So, the first one is, I mentioned pickleball, and I've mentioned it on the show before that I play a lot of pickleball. So, and I won't get into what that is, it's just a sport, and it's with friends. And one very good friend of mine, and I never really noticed her tendency to say I'm sorry until we started playing pickleball together. And she's an excellent player. I mean excellent. To the point where I get pissed playing with her because I can beat her and I will win against her. It's just not as consistent as I would like it to be. But she is a mean player, meaning very good. And she— there's very few people that actually do beat her. Yet every time she misses a shot in any way, shape, or form, she said she apologizes. She says, "I'm sorry," to her partner. Every time. So if you're on her side of it, think about, well, is that something that you appreciate and you're grateful for? Because she, in her mind, screwed up, and therefore she lost a point for the two of you, and therefore you you appreciate that, or it doesn't get to a point where you're like, you know what, everybody screws up. You know, it's almost like the saying, there's no crying in baseball. Well, there's a saying in pickleball, there's no sorry in pickleball. Everybody, you know, will have a bad shot. Everybody will lose a match. Everybody will, you know, just go down in flames at some point or another. Yet within a game, in one game, she will have said, "I'm sorry," a good 20 or 30 times. So think about that. How does that make you feel, and are you guilty of that in some way, shape, or form? Then last week at the summit, at the Women in Leadership Summit that I had mentioned, whether it was the attendees or it was the speakers, from both sides, so for instance, when an attendee raised their hand to ask a question and/or the panel or the speaker went and in return responded to that question, there was multiple I'm sorry's going on. I'm sorry for having to ask this question. I'm sorry if this question's been asked before. I'm sorry if, I'm sorry if, you know, I'm saying the same thing as the other speaker or the other panelist. I'm sorry if I spoke over you. There was just I'm sorry flying all over the place. Fortunately, someone, one of the speakers, had picked up on this and actually highlighted this, issue, this devaluing, and was able to use specific examples in that conversation. Then just yesterday, actually, one of my mentorees and I were going back and forth on securing our next meeting date. Actually, we were supposed to meet yesterday, and he was reaching out to reschedule, and So there was the first I'm sorry. Then I had given him kind of a timeframe that I can reschedule, and he sent it, or he sent me a meeting notice not within that timeframe. And so I had to just simply go back and say, I'm not available at this time, please make sure it's after 3:30. And he sent another meeting notice and then texted me and said, "I'm sorry for all the back and forth and for the multiple texts." And I just, I thought to myself, let's call him Joe, there's no, absolutely no reason to apologize for that type of situation. That, if you go back to the examples I provided earlier about inconveniencing, You know, we're all inconvenienced. Now, if it's an hour, 2 hours, whatever the case might be, there's extremes to inconvenience, and there's just some times that even some, I'll call it mid-level inconveniences, don't need an apology. They need something else, they just don't need an apology. Again, if you think about If it's something that it doesn't often happen and therefore you saying I'm sorry for a medium-sized situation is just kind of considered, oh well, and she doesn't apologize that often, that's one thing. What you want to be careful of is if it's just on top of so many other I'm sorrys, I'm sorrys, I'm sorrys, I'm sorrys, that is really devaluing one's perception of you. One's consideration of, you know, how strong and confident and how worthy do you feel within yourself. And then, you know, whether or not you have a backbone and can handle difficult situations in a productive and effective manner. Because most people that are constantly saying I'm sorry aren't necessarily falling into what many leaders are looking for. So the other situation, and I was trying to think of some scenario about it, you know, a lot of us will open up with "I'm sorry" when we want to kind of get into a difficult conversation or a difficult situation. Maybe we're giving bad news or maybe we're delivering or challenging a conflicting issue. And we start off with, "I'm sorry." When we stand up for our beliefs or stand up for our opinions, we apologize, and that's negating. We apologize for our opinion, apologize for our beliefs, we apologize for this bad news that, you know, you personally didn't have anything to do with. You know, maybe it came up from the powers to be, and yet you're apologizing. So, oh well, the last one I want to throw out there, because this is kind of the most simplistic, is have you ever had someone just kind of bump into you? You didn't bump into them, but bump into you. Or maybe they're, they're coming towards you. Let's think of even at the grocery store, and they're coming towards you in the wrong side of the lane, like let's just say with a grocery cart, and you're having to work, you know, your way around them, and the next thing you know out of your mouth is, "I'm sorry," you know, because it's— is it your fault that they were, you know, in the wrong lane, they were coming towards you, they were, you know, blocking you, whatever the case might be. So those are just a number of situations, majority of them, all but one, that actually happened within the last week, and then that, you know, hallway or grocery store situation is one that's a regular occurrence for many, many, many people. And you have to ask yourself, how do you perceive people, someone, maybe you have a friend or a family member or a colleague at work that is constantly apologizing, constantly saying I'm sorry for something, even as minor, you know, as we've talked about, or, you know, let alone the big, you know, big things. How do you perceive that? Many people will tell you they perceive that type of individual as submissive, as insecure, questioning their worth and their value, that they are unsure and often in doubt of themselves. So obviously you can see that it doesn't paint a great picture. And yet, yet, you might be everything— I won't say but that— you might be everything different from that when it comes down to really how you produce, how effective you are, how engaging, and collaborative and team, you know, how much of a team worker you are, so forth and so on. Yet this one thing of constantly, you know, apologizing for the simplest to the, you know, to the biggest thing is actually devaluing, degrading all of that, all of that worth, all that value that you're bringing to your, your actual job, all your skills, all your talents. All your ability to lead is being put into question because of this insecurity, this feeling that you want to be liked, that you're maybe feeling like a fraud or an impostor, that you aren't deserving or haven't earned that role or position or that engagement of people. That you're operating in. There's numerous reasons, there's numerous bitches of fear, insecurity, doubts, and negativity that could be creating this need to apologize. And it really just comes down to also this need to be liked, to not kind of rock the boat. 'Cause trust me, the people that rock boats, they're not apologizing for much. And so take a look, even think about individuals that you say to yourself, gosh, yeah, they never apologize. How do people perceive them? How are they in their career path? How are they viewed as either a current leader or a future potential leader? I just want you to really think hard about that because it is impacting all aspects of your life, and it starts with you. It's also impacting— remember, words matter. We talk a lot about that here. What you tell yourself first matters. And so if you're saying I'm sorry to the stranger in this, in the grocery store, that got in your way, then you can only imagine what you're telling yourself in, you know, in the same type of vein. When we get back, I'm going to kind of start giving you some tough love around this subject because I really truly, especially after last week with all this conversation and this day of uplifting and this day of honoring the wonders, the riches as we call them here, of these women in this room. And trust me, the speakers did a beautiful job in doing that. Yet, at the same time, not only did the attendees question themselves through multiple scenarios and games and question sessions during the day, but even the speakers did. And so it's imperative that we get a handle on this and an understanding of it, and even some self-awareness around it, so we can be sure that we are able to shift it and make changes to it. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, insecurity and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at Media Relations at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking and actually shedding maybe just a habit, maybe a tic of saying I'm sorry. Many of us don't even know we are doing it. I have to admit, I did not know that I was doing it as much as I was doing it until I did, you know, I left corporate. I was working on myself, going, you know, deep and digging and excavating and purging and shedding, uh, who I was, what I didn't like about myself, maintaining and keeping and creating what I did like about myself. And I had multiple coaches at the time for multiple reasons. I didn't have a therapist. I probably needed one of those too, but, uh, and it was pointed out to me as part of this, this coaching. It was pointing out, pointed out to me how often I would say I'm sorry. Now, probably like you, I thought it was appropriate. I thought it was perceived in a kind way, in a nice way, in an appreciated way, that if I was, you know, running late, whether that was in person, on email, on a phone call, whether that was, you know, I was— I didn't quite get something right. I thought it was kind and appreciative that I said I'm sorry. And I, you know, fortunately had a coach that very much just, you know— I'm losing my words today— very much just was extremely direct. And said, what are you apologizing for? Those aren't reasons for apologies. You need to rethink it because it's really coming off as if you're, you're just being very kind of— well, I'll go back to the words we used earlier— submissive, insecure, doubting yourself, feeling like you're not, you know, valued or worthy. You need to kind of get a different perspective on perspective on this. Now where it led us, where it led me, was really then saying, okay, then I don't know myself as well as I thought I did, even after kind of at this point a few years of shedding. And this became even more apparent last week again at this Women Leadership Summit. I had mentioned that I was doing a speech on breaking the glass ceiling with panache. And the whole message really focused on there's one level of women leaders and the traits and qualities and attributes of a woman in business that everybody talks about. Oh, we're nurturing, we're empathetic, we are good multitaskers, we really know how to get things done. But I was emphasizing that in order for you to really step you know, set yourself apart and really take yourself to the next level, breaking that glass ceiling, you really need to lead with panache. And I use that term, and I've had this program for a good number of years. I use that term because if you ever look up the definition, it's described as flamboyant confidence. Not just confidence, but flamboyant confidence. And I just found that to be so bold of a word that for me visually created the difference between— and I even actually literally did this on the stage, you know, I visualized that it separated the individual who would hold their head up high, their shoulders back, their chest out, and and walk, you know, very confidently, you know, down the street or down the hallway or into the boardroom, whatever the case might be. But flamboyant means to me, for me, meant that not only did they do that, but they were also very secure in who they were. They knew who they were, and they didn't shy from kind of expressing expressing it, whether that was on their eyes or in their smile or in their trance, so to speak, or in the way that they dress or in the way that they shake hands or that they engage and that they socialize and that they manage and lead. Like, you know, it just was this extra zing that someone who led with panache was and possess flamboyant confidence. And the primary, primary, primary thing that I had talked about is the fact that a woman should honor and lead with them being a woman, being feminine, being, being engaging, being that nurturer, while at the same time ensuring that, you know, collaboration, inclusion, and a number of other traits and attributes. But the bottom line was in order to do that, you had to know who you were. In order for you to stop saying, "I'm sorry," you need to know who you are and decide, "Is that who I want to be, or is it someone different?" Now, the thing that really got me going during this speech was when I asked the question of the room. Again, there was probably 200 and some odd numbers of attendees, and then there was probably 12 speakers, female speakers, and then there was a number of other women volunteers and whatnot. So I simply asked them, how many of you know who you are, truly who you are? And I was surprised and shocked. I was surprised at the honesty, um, that came forth. I would say about a A third of the room raised their hands acknowledging they know who they are. And then I kind of emphasized it and said, okay, of the— you with your hands up, who— how many of you truly know who you are? Like truly? And they— majority of them maintained their hands. So I asked the rest of them. I said— and at the same time I saw a lot of heads like shaking their heads no. And so I said, you know, is there— do you ever consider this question before? And did you ever like doubt yourself when it comes to really knowing who you are? And, you know, a lot of them were like shaking their heads in acknowledgment that they really never thought about that, you know, that question, and they really never considered that they wouldn't— they don't know who they are. And then I kind of made a joke about the fact that then the other part of the room, are just lying to themselves. They're not wanting to raise their hand, they're not wanting not to raise their hand, they're just not participating because for a lot of times that question makes people uncomfortable. So I was kind of shocked to see that it was, that not that the 33% of the people knew who they were, that it was only the 33%. I was shocked that this other group of people actually was willing to acknowledge that they don't and they didn't even ever consider that question. I was pleasantly surprised because I told them this is probably, you know, a lot of times the part of the conversation that I have in my speeches that people leave the room. And of course they laughed and joked and one pretended to get up and leave. Anyway, and that's what comes down to this I'm sorry. Until you know who you are and why you do the things that you do, you're not going to know if whether or not this is a negative impact to your career, business, and life. Is this, "I'm sorry." I didn't know it of myself, and when I did recognize that I was saying, "I'm sorry," I saw it as kind and appreciative, not as someone looking at me as if I'm submissive, insecure. Or I don't consider myself worthy. So I really want you to be paying attention to not only who you are— we won't address that big elephant in the room. I want to give you some tips and some things to think about, just kind of focus around the I'm sorry part of it, and then you can always go back and write down the question, who am I really? And really think about that and write it, record it, do, you know, process it any way that you want to. So I want to give you some tips in regards to how you can actually stop yourself and cut down at the beginning and eliminate I'm sorry from your, from your life. Again, we're talking about the medium to low reasons you're saying I'm sorry, not for the reasons that deserve an apology. If you screwed up, if you betrayed somebody, if you, you know, did something criminal, if you, you know, if there is a reason for an apology, then apologize. But one of my tips is going to get you looking at whether or not it's the real reasons for it, or if it's the bulk of your sorries are coming in the minor to medium size range. So first, I can just tell you to stop it, to really stop it. If it's not your fault and/or it's not something that is, you know, relationship or life-changing, then just take those words out of your vocabulary. They're doing you far, you know, more harm than good. But realistically, what I want you to do is I want you to just spend a day going back to our Rich question: how many times in a day do you think you say I'm sorry? I want you to go back and, and validate and get that answer. So I want you to take a day, even if it's to today, and we're halfway into the, at least the day of the, of the full 24 hours. And I want you to pay attention to how many times you say I'm sorry. Now, even if it's like you go, you're about to go say it, but because of this conversation, am I yelling in your ear, you stop yourself, I still want you to count that. So I want you to track the number of times you say I'm sorry. I also then want you to note the situation that you said it in and the reason for it. So again, you know, are you going to get to the grocery store and it's because somebody was in your way? Even if it was somebody, you know, or even if it was you were in that other person's way, it doesn't really need an I'm sorry. It needs a number of other, you know, explanations or even jokes. Not necessarily I'm sorry. So I want you to note the situation and the reason for your sorry. And then I want you to really kind of reframe how you look at those type of situations. I want you to look at them as if you're not damaging or harming or doing ill of anything in, you know, many of these situations, late emails, late, Picking up the kids, again, unless it's extreme, late getting back to your boss, not having 100% of something that was expected of you. There's different ways that you can go about responding to something or explaining something without necessarily starting with I'm sorry. One thing to do, and I learned this in my improv class, not when it has to do with I'm sorry but a number of other things, just slow down responding. Slow down what you're wanting to say. Actively exist or actively listen and then consciously choose your words and pick ones that are different than I'm sorry. There's so many other ways that you can you can kind of counter something, you know, maybe you being late or an email, whatever the case might be. Find other ways that you can just, you know, counter or respond. Now you could, one way that, one approach that you could take is you can actually say thank you instead of I'm sorry. Now a bunch of you are probably like, what is she talking about? But you can actually say thank you. So think about these situations. So instead of saying, I'm sorry for having you work late, I'm sorry for that report being incomplete, instead of saying, I'm sorry for not understanding completely what it is that you asked of me. Instead, say things like, thank you for supporting the team and the deadline. Thank you for appreciating that I may not have all the knowledge or the information in order for me to complete this report. Thank you for being patient as I, you know, seared through traffic to get the, you know, to pick up the kids. Instead of something like, "I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner," how about, "Thanks for your patience in my response. Thank you for bearing with my crazy schedule. Thank you for, you know, helping out when I couldn't." or because of my deadline, or whatever the case might be. Thank you is actually a great, a great way of simply countering or responding without needing to apologize for something that it's really not your fault. And even if it— fault is such a tough word to get around. Even if you had contributed to something, or you were lacking of something, or you're missing something, that's not a reason to find fault within yourself. It's not any— a reason to negate your value. It's not a reason to devalue your worth. So you can find other ways in order to do it. Other words in order to say and explain it. And so what I will do is I will even look at emails. I will look at texts. The one from my mentoree, I turned it around. He's apologized, and I just simply responded with something like, "You obviously have a crazy schedule," or, you know, You know, you obviously are multitasking. I forget what I said exactly. So you can even support that individual's struggle with not making you happy or not doing what you want them to do. You don't necessarily have to expect an I'm sorry from them. Now one other approach, and I didn't realize I had a buddy partner. When it came to my coach of many years ago. But that's what she was when it came to this little scenario.

She—

once she pointed it out to me and made me aware of it— because remember, going back to, do you know who you are? That's all about self-awareness, about how you behave, how you act, how you talk to yourself, how you go out in the world. So until she pointed out to me I didn't realize the impact that it was having. Once I was aware of it, it's not as if I just easily went off and was able to solve this problem on my own. She actually became kind of my accountability coach around it. I asked her, because we would often be not only one-on-one with ourselves but in groups, and I asked her to anytime, even one-on-one with her or in these groups, or in emails that, you know, she would share or see of mine, if she would hold me accountable and keep me in check when I'm sorry was flowing too easily. So you can find yourself a buddy partner. If you're questioning whether or not you are one to say I'm sorry too often, then ask someone to pay attention to it for you. During a meeting or when you're out in a summit. There was a number of people on Thursday that were there as coworkers and they came because their company supported the event for them. And therefore, the next thing you know, during the next break, they'd be talking amongst themselves like, "Oh, am I really that way? Am I that way? Are you that way?" That kind of thing. So you can always find yourself a buddy partner. The point is this: again, it starts with you, how you speak and treat and behave yourself. And but you— none of us can avoid and prevent us then projecting all of that out into the world. And if, if you're like anyone that I know and that is within the Shedding the Bitch community, You are hardworking, kiss-ass— kick-ass, not kiss-ass— kick-ass, successful women and men, successful individuals. Why would you want to negate or devalue your worth and contribution because of something that you probably aren't even aware of or paying attention to? And yet it's causing, like it does for me with my friend who constantly is apologizing, she will often hear me on the other side say, "There's no sorry in pickleball. There's no sorry in pickleball." So, you would want, you know, I don't want to have to hit her upside the head. It could come to that. You just want to, one, become aware of it. 2, figure out why it is that you're doing it. And then 3, find the ways, including a buddy partner, including using words like thank you instead, including just really looking over your emails, looking over your correspondence of any kind, your texts, even slowing down your responses to ensure that instead of, you know, I'm sorry, you're able to replace it with something else. You certainly don't want to lose an opportunity of any kind because of something that is very easily controlled by you. This is definitely something that is not controlled by other people. You can control it. So, stop apologizing. Stop saying, "I'm sorry." And with that, I will let you go and enjoy your rich, prosperous week, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Have a wonderful week, everyone.

Bye. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches, and the dialogue is always going going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.