Succeed in Business with your Heart... Guest, Terry Wildemann returns!

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/SheddingtheBitch or share share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

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Good day, good day, good day everyone! Happy last Tuesday of the month. Do you believe it? Oh my God, my life is going way, way, way too fast, but I hope you're enjoying your day, and whether it's morning, noon, or night, I hope it's a beautiful, beautiful time for you. I'm excited that you're here because we are going to have a fabulous conversation with one of our popular and trendy guests, and I'll talk all about that in just a second, but As I said, it is the last Tuesday of the month of March, which means it's also the end of the first quarter of this new year. So we are already 3 months in. So I'm not sure if you've looked at your goals and the resolutions or the objectives that you set for this year, whether or not you've, you know, looked at what the measurements that you've proposed for yourself and kind of assessed as far as whether you're on track or whether you're behind or whether you're ahead, whether you need help or whether or not everything's just going just fine and you are at least tapped in to what those goals and objectives and resolutions are, because it's a great time to do that, especially being that it's Tuesday of the last week of the month. It's always very good to take the last couple of days of the quarter, of a month, even of a week, the day of a week, and really just sit down and kind of look at what you had planned and decide whether or not you are on track with it or you need to make some changes. And if you ever at any time need help with that, well, guess what? It's a great time because next week is Ask Bernadette, or ask me anything. So if you do have questions around, well, how do I really look at my goals and whether or not I'm on track and what do I do if I'm not, that kind of thing, feel free to reach out to me directly at BernadetteBoas@ChettingTheBitch.com, but of course you can go out to our Facebook or Twitter page and post your questions there. So take this opportunity, make sure you are on track. Don't land up 6 months in, 9 months in, and then the end of the year and you kind of look back, as many do unfortunately, and just wonder where the year went. I, I am actually going through that myself, wondering where the last 3 months went. Uh, and yet I just sat down actually yesterday and kind of did my little assessment and, uh, have made some adjustments because I'm not exactly where I had planned to be, um, by April 1st. But that's okay, that's all right. It's not a matter of right, wrong, good, or bad. It's just a matter of making those adjustments as you go. So if you need any assistance, need any help, reach out to me directly. Bernadetteboas@sheddingthebitch.com, or you can go out to our Facebook and Twitter page and always pose your question there, okay? Now we've had some great guests, speaking of, you know, just getting you ready for 2018 and keeping you focused and motivated and persistent and determined to just move yourself forward. We've had great conversations with Connie Fife, we talked about Women Who Dare. And then we had a very, very intriguing, compelling conversation with Rihanna Milne all about finding the relationship with you and going back and really digging up some of those small events, those traumas, those situations that even come from your childhood might be impacting your ability to really connect and really tap into who you truly are. So go and check that out. And over the last couple weeks, I've had a conversation with you about the impact business casual is having on your success. It's more so around casually going about business. And then last week we had a conversation, and I wanted to bring this up again 'cause I forgot to mention one thing to you. Last week we talked about shedding the weight, bitch. And I had mentioned it's not about the scale, 'cause everything about shedding the bitch itself is all about shedding all those insecurities, doubts, negativities, and fears, all those bitches, as we call them, that might be holding you back from achieving whatever goal you have, and that could be a weight goal, but it really is shedding all that junk. Well, it just so happened that that topic last week got triggered because Oprah and Deepak Chopra just kind of rolled out their latest meditation experience, which is called Shedding the Weight: Body, Mind, and Soul. And as you know, I talk not a lot but a bit about meditation. And if you haven't ever tried it and you wanted a easy way to do it, I have found this meditation experience that they go through for 21 days an easy way for you to learn a great tool that you can use to kind of get yourself grounded, centered, and focused. So check that out. They are— we are about the full week in, and there is a challenge in getting to the first couple that you might have missed. But if you do go and get it and start finishing up the rest of the balance of the week, you can always buy their CD or their download of the whole experience. Or reach out to me and I can see what I can do for you. Okay, and you can go to chopracentermeditation.com to get that information. chopracentermeditation.com. All right, and then we have some great ones coming up. We're going to talk about priority and time management with Joe Pesci. We're going to talk about living powerful with Pamela Reeves and so much more. So just stay tuned for that. And as I mentioned, Next week is Ask Me Anything, so go out to Facebook, go out to Twitter, into LinkedIn, direct email me, BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com, and ask me your questions, stories, or challenges, and I'll get you some tips, advice, or maybe, just maybe, some tough love if needed. Okay, so let's dive into this conversation for today. We are talking in business with your heart. Uh, it's all about knowing and understanding what is truly in your heart, and that is what guides you to understand your self-worth and elevates your self-esteem. Both are essential keys to creating and running profitable businesses or growing your career, and if you're in corporate, that influences humanity and makes a difference. It's the foundation of your why and offers insights into your what. And your how. So keep a listen, keep an ear out, 'cause we're gonna be talking with our guest all about the courage to listen, the courage to listen. And we're also gonna talk about shielding yourself from the naysayers. We could all use some of that. And being open to feedback in order for you to grow. So our rich question, we always provide you a rich question to ground yourself in this conversation. And remember last week we talked about being present. And being in the moment. So, you know, close out all your distractions because this conversation is going to be lively and very thought-provoking and packed with tips and advice for you. So turn off those distractions and ground yourself in this rich question: What, if anything, is preventing you from revealing your heart at work? So what, if anything, prevents you from revealing the real you, your heart, in the workplace. So you can tag us in your posts and your tweets and your Facebooks. You can use rich tags: heart, hashtag business, or hashtag, of course, #ShedTheBitch. Hashtag ShedTheBitch. All right, so when we get back, we're going to take a short break. When we get back, we're going to introduce you to our guests and get into this conversation all around bringing your heart into business. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, and get ready for a great conversation with our returning popular guest all about bringing your heart into business. And in her consulting business Intuitive Leadership, high performance and business accelerator coach, speaker, and best-selling author Terry Wildeman works with socially conscious CEOs, small business owners, and leaders to take their business to the next level with speed, calm, ease, and flow. Her 40 years of business and leadership experience includes owning a manufacturing company, image consulting company, and a leadership and holistic education center. She has taught at universities and a community college, and her clients include entrepreneurs, banks, government agencies, chambers of commerce, and the US military. Welcome, Terry, to the program again and again and again.

Bernadette, it is always a pleasure to be on your show. You are a rock star. So much fun.

You're sweet, you're sweet, you're sweet. And I had to say again and again because we were talking before we, you know, the program started, that it's probably like your fourth our fifth time on the program over the 4 or 5 years, right?

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. And you were on my show when I had it, so yes, a couple times.

I, I was, I was, I was. And, um, always love— I had mentioned to you that I always love talking to you because your message, you know, has a, um, thread that goes all the way through it over the number of years I've known you, but yet you're always evolving it's always evolving with you. And this whole conversation around the heart in business, I just think it's so relevant for today. Wouldn't you agree?

Well, it absolutely is relevant on many, many levels because the heart is often dismissed. We value the brain, the logical, practical, tactical side of business, and we tend to ignore the heart side of business, which is key to resilience. It's key to intuition. It's key to really listening to where we are meant to be and what we are meant to do. Right.

So what are you, what are you seeing different?

Do you—

are you seeing things changing, the tide changing? Because I'll, I'll talk about not being— we're not robots. So this whole conversation about the heart is, you know, like I said, relevant and timely. What are you seeing out there as far as people welcoming the heart into the workplace?

Well, first of all, what I'm seeing is a shift in workplace spirituality, and I'm not talking about dogma. I'm talking about non-dogmatic spirituality where we are really beginning to focus on treating each other with what I call THRILL— Trust, Honor, Respect, Integrity, Loyalty, and Love of Fellow Man. I am seeing a shift in that, and I'm also seeing an incredible amount of people who are leaving corporate to follow their heart and start their own businesses, their own projects, and their own socially conscious enterprises. It's more than ever. And when I owned my own leadership center from 2001 to 2009, people used to say to me, Terry, you are ahead of your time. And what I am now saying and hearing is it has finally come to fruition. My time is now to get this message out.

Absolutely, absolutely. Okay, but I— you need to go back and give us slowly your acronym for THRILL. What did that mean?

Okay, THRILL stands for Trust, Honor, Respect, Integrity, Loyalty, and Love of Fellow Man.

Oh, love that.

Love, love, love, love, love, love.

And what would you— would you have any insight, or not insight, but any thoughts on Everything that's been going on with Parkland and the march over this past weekend, and just, you know, these students standing up for their lives. I mean, that's what they're doing. They're standing up for their lives. Do you see that also kind of bringing out the heart in people and trying to stamp down, stomp down the business and the greed of it all?

Well, Unfortunately, I was— because I've been traveling quite a bit, I'm not really tuned into what is going on outside because I've been away from home now since March 5th. And what I will say is this: when we rise up with something that we truly believe in, energetically we are setting the stage for bigger and better to come about, right? It is about— it is about following our energy. It is about following our— what we truly feel and want in our heart is where we're going with our heart. So the key is to do things in a way that stays heart-centered. I have seen many things, many marches that were so angry, that were so it was devoid of heart, right? Right. And you can be angry and still be heart-centered. Yeah, that's true. You can be both. You can be both. But when you're just angry for the sake of anger, right, a lot of the negative stuff can come back to you. But when you're angry with— from a place of heart and heart-centered, it's like your heart is guiding you it— there's a different quality to that energy, completely different quality to that energy, and it is a much more effective energy. And it works whether it's in business, in relationships, it doesn't matter. That heart energy, that anger that comes from heart energy, is a compulsion. It's an intuitive hit. It's a guide for us to move forward in how we are being called.

That's beautiful. So why do we need to— why do we need to listen to it? I mean, why, why don't we just go along and just artificially, you know, walk our way through life? What, what's— what is so critical about listening to your heart, whether it has to do with your family or with your business?

And in our conversation, frankly, the folks I know who have a vision and a mission and keep ignoring it and ignoring it and ignoring it are unhappy. They're just unhappy. And life is too short to be unhappy. It's really important that we listen to what is going on inside of us. If you're being called to be an artist but the people in your world are saying no, no, no, no, no, This is your life. If that is where your heart is, that is the path for you to follow. And it takes strength and courage, yep, to step away from the naysayers.

And I did want to ask you about the courage part of it. So what's— what, you know, what's holding people back, um, and then what does it take for them to, you know, grab that brass ring in their courage and just go for it?

I'm— may I share it? May I answer that with a story? Absolutely. Okay. When I was going through college— I am first-generation Cuban American, okay? I am the eldest in, in my Cuban family of 3 kids, and my parents, they came before Castro. When I went to college, it was— my dad wanted me to be a dentist. Oh God, no. You know, and I— no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I went to community college first, which was the right thing for me to do. And I was, you know, I studied secretarial, I studied, you know, every semester was something different. Every semester was something different. But my heart was in studying criminal justice. Now, my parents were horrified. Now, so we're in the late '70s here. My parents were horrified that their daughter wants to study criminal justice. And it was just coming up. There were only 2 or 3 colleges in the country that had 4-year degrees at that time. My community college had a 2-year degree. And everything for my parents. Note, when we do everything for everybody else, we are diminishing ourselves.

Sure.

I was studying and learning and under tremendous stress pleasing my parents, and it was making me so unhappy. One day I'd had enough because I was on the verge of a breakdown because I was so, so unhappy. And I took my dad out to lunch and I said, you know what, Dad, I have done it. And boy, this took courage, let me tell you. A Cuban daughter doing this with her Cuban dad, whoo-hoo. This is the courage part. It was the courage to stand in my own power, and it was the courage to stand up for what I truly wanted to do. And I took him out to lunch, and I said, Dad, I have done it your way and Mom's way now for 4 semesters, and I'm miserable. This is what I want to do. And in the 5th semester, I studied criminal justice and my grades went from 2.5 to 3.5 in one semester.

Oh wow.

So my point is, it took so much courage for me to do that. And luckily for me, one of the universities who had a 4-year degree was about 30 minutes away. So the first year I commuted, my junior year, and then I lived on campus my senior year. And Knowing that I was able to follow my heart that way just filled my soul, and I was so happy. I really was. And I was done pleasing everybody else. And that— but that same scenario has happened several times in my life, as it does for most of us. There are other things that I elevated to that the family around me looked at me like I was nuts when I started studying holistic medicine. Um, to save my family.

Okay, right.

I had, I had to be courageous and say doctors on two sides of the continent could not heal this kid's problem. I went to holistic medicine and in 3 days it was healed. And everybody around me who are, who are medical are saying it's not possible, it's not possible, it's not possible. Well, here's the proof in the pudding. Let me show you the kid's butt. She had a yeast infection, horrific, horrific yeast infection. She was a tiny baby. Yeah. So my point is, it's about following your intuition, following your heart. And when you ask for help— and I'm not talking about just physical help, I'm talking about spiritual help— when you ask for help, what you need shows up. We just have to get out of the way, right?

Um, hold on a minute because I want to go back to something that you said, um, and I'm taking notes here. Okay, but go back to the spiritual piece of it. And you— so you're not talking, you know, whether or not someone believes in a God or something, you know, greater or bigger, because there may be people out there who don't. You're, you're correct about tapping into what Spirit—

the spirituality I'm talking about is about positive values. The THRILL: trust, honor, respect, integrity, loyalty, and love of element— love of fellow man. That is spirituality. Those are positive values that bring out the best in ourselves and brings out the best in the people who cross our path, the people we lead, the people we mentor, our children, our spouses, our siblings. It brings out the best in those around us when we own who we are. And it's about— hold, you know, it's a wonderful thing. Thrill is a great thing, except we have to show it for ourselves first. Yep, yep, yep. We, okay, have to honor ourselves, right?

Right. So say someone's out there and they're struggling with this whole thing, because, you know, probably like you, I talk to a lot of people and kind of they look at me like I have three heads when I talk about really, you know, kind of owning who they are. And they're like, oh I don't know what the hell that means. So the intuition piece of what you talk about, uh, define intuition and help people understand, you know, um, intuition, gut, you know, I call them God speaking moments. How do they hear them?

Well, I'm going to start— I like to start answering that question with a piece of science. Okay, the HeartMath Institute in the movie The Power of the Heart did a study where they had folks wired for sound to measure their heart rate variability. They sat them in front of a computer. The computer would show a slide deck and it would be a blank screen followed by either a positive picture or negative picture. And I don't know how many slides there were in the slide deck, but there were many, many, many. The researchers were shocked to see that when there was a blank screen, which was in between each deck, then each— before each slide that was coming in on, right, the heart was able to see, quote unquote, see what was coming up ahead by 5 to 6 seconds. And the heart sent messages to the brain, which then sent messages from the brain to the rest of the body. That's the intuition. So it's how intuitive the heart is. And so again, I'm going to repeat that. People would be looking at a blank screen followed by a picture. When looking at the blank screen, they read the heart without the logical brain realizing it. Reacted positive or negative 5 to 6 seconds before the actual picture showed. So when the heart then sends the messages to the brain— and we are all either clairaudient, clairvoyant, clairsentient, or claircognizant. Clairaudient are those people who hear words or are very tuned in and listen well, and they can hear things. Clairvoyants are people who are thinkers and they see images in their mind. Claircognizant is a known knowing, and clairsentience is a feeling. So this— the heart sends all that messages to the brain, and the brain sends it to the rest of our body, tuning into who we are in terms of intuitive, which is our intuitive strength. And when I saw that, it just validated so much. And I'm a HeartMath-trained coach, as you know. I was trained with HeartMath in 2001, the week after 9/11 happened. And so the heart has been critical and an important foundation to everything I teach, whether it's communication, resilience, leadership. So intuition is so key because it connects with the heart.

Yeah, yeah, I would, I would agree. So when— if there's somebody out there, and they're going back to your whole thing that you kind of created that thread of spirituality, intuition, and then the naysayers going— having the courage to go after that intuition and to go after your dream. If there's somebody sitting out there and they're like, oh God, but, you know, I don't want to, you know, kind of, you know, turn my back on whomever, or I don't want to, um, you know, kind of, uh, push people out of my life though they are naysayers and they're not supportive and they're not this and they're not that, and then I don't want to take that risk of doing X, Y, and Z. I mean, how do you coach your clients to kind of recognize the impact of that, of not doing anything or doing?

Okay, got it. The first part of that is fear. Fear keeps us back, and a very good friend says that the acronym for fear is forgetting everything all. Ah, forgetting everything is all right. Others say false evidence appearing real, right? To me, that's too hard. It's too hard.

I like—

that's what I use.

I know you do. To me, it's like, okay, that's too hard. Forgetting everything is all right, if you really listen to that, It's when you own who you are and you stand in your power and you're courageous and you share with the people who love you the most, this is what I need to do, right? Being called to do this, right? It is scary, it is frightening, and if you have really low self-esteem and you're always in service of everybody else instead of in service to yourself. It's about taking baby steps. And every day when your feet land, ask yourself, what am I going to learn today to help me grow in mind, body, and spirit? And that's actually one of the things I coach my clients to do, because many of my clients are very, very fearful, very fearful, and they are They're scared to take the step forward because of the reactions of other people. And I ask, and this is a real big question that I ask, pretend it's the end of your life and you're in your coffin and you're looking down at yourself. What do you want to say to yourself? And I don't want to kick your butt, you know, but your butt self in that coffin for not taking action on the things that are important to you.

Right, right.

Is that what you really want? Is that what you really want? And it is serious, but— oh, I know it is scary, especially when it comes with your parents, especially when, um, your siblings, your kids. Yeah, it's hard. And I gotta tell you, hey, I'm married to a Navy guy. Me, the holistic practitioner, doing— talking about this kind of stuff. And right, we've been married now 32 years, and it's taken him a long time to finally get where I'm going and what I'm doing. And he's accepted it, but I had to always stand my ground. I had to always stand in my courage, and he has listened and he has learned, and it is now integrated in a lot of what he does. Yep. But it took— yeah, it took a while.

Sweet.

I love that. And so everyone, because we're going to take a quick break, but there's a couple things I want to do before we do, and that is I want you to go to intuitiveleadership.com and you can learn and read all about Terri, check out her books, check out her programs, all that wonderful stuff. But be sure to also hook into her, whether it's on Facebook, it's Intuitive Leadership. If it's on Twitter, Leader Intuition, @leaderintuition is on Twitter. And then of course on LinkedIn, Terri Wildeman, you won't be able to miss her. Her message of intuitive leadership goes quite broad in reach. She helps people all over the world, and her message has gotten out there with her books and her work that she does. I also want you to stay tuned because we're going to be talking about a couple of her programs that she's offering specials to, to just our Shedding the Bitch community. So you're going to want to hear about that. But I also want you to be thinking about the question that we asked at the beginning of the of the program. What, if anything, is preventing you from revealing your heart in the workplace? And it's exactly what Terri is now talking about, what it takes to actually really pursue and reveal who you truly are and living in it and owning it. So when we get back, we're going to talk more about the self-esteem, self-worth, why it's important to running your business, and really continue getting into this whole subject of heart in the workplace. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistants and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Debra Parker at debraparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking to our very popular and returning guest, intuitive leadership coach, speaker, and best-selling author Terry Wildeman. So go to intuitiveleadership.com, you can learn all about her. Uh, so Terry, going back to this whole, uh, subject about courage to really follow your intuition and go after your dream, um, I can remember even myself, um, you know, I had— it's back in the 2008, 2009, I had a big party, 80 people, to tell them what I was about to do, go off and start my own business, go off and write this book. And not even a month later, there was nobody in my circle anymore. You know, I, I, and I, and I, I talk about the fact that I pretty much spent a year on my couch by myself, um, with my dog, and, uh, pretty much all my friends kind of just scattered and, and turned away. And that's, you know, that's very difficult to at first, you know, kind of, kind of grasp. So, but yet at the same time, I knew what I was doing was right. So how do you help somebody to really take that degree, you know, that risk to, in order to pursue their intuition and their goals?

Well, the first thing I would say to you is, having been in your exact situation, by the way, the very first thing I would say is those people weren't really there for you to begin with. Yeah, because if they know, they really weren't there. So in many ways, you did yourself a huge favor because you shed people that you would have spent an awful lot of time with who really didn't have your back and who really weren't there to support you. So that was a gift, a huge, huge gift. Okay, so when those things happen, it's about trusting the process, which is part of Thriving Yourself— trusting the process and allowing ourselves to be open to the help that comes. And sometimes that is so hard. Like you, I've been on the couch. That just happened last year for me. Let me tell you, I went through a— and it was sort of, um, it happened to me because I had to take care of family stuff. My parents are 94 and 92, and wow, I had to drop everything because I had to make a choice: family or my business, family or my business. And when you're in business for yourself and you can't dedicate yourself to your family, things can happen. And trust me, I had to let it all go. And what it did was it allowed me to see who had my back and who didn't, who was there to support me, who didn't. I had to help mom and dad, and they're, they're in great shape. Let me tell you, they're gonna live to 100. They're amazing. They're amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I knew in my heart that everything was going to be fine. The right coach showed up again. We are revamping things, redoing things, doing work that I absolutely love, and I had to trust the process. I had to because I didn't have a choice, just like you, just like now. When you—

what— now when you say process though, um, and I understand what you mean by that, but you're also saying you got to trust your heart. You got to trust that what your heart wants, your heart wants, right?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And I'm going to give you a really big one. I'm going to give you a really, really big example of trusting your heart and honoring your values. When I went into law enforcement, and I don't talk about this often, so, but I'm feeling compelled to talk about it on your show. My goal when I was in law enforcement was was to become an FBI agent, and I did. Oh, I went to— see, you didn't even know that, did you?

Yes.

And I was at the academy. I was the top female athlete at that time, and, and on and on and on. And I was a little cocky, and I failed my first exam. I was a cop. Oh, I can— this is a piece of cake. Yeah. Right? Who did I think I was? And I was only 24 years old. I have to tell you, I was only 24. The median age was 30, and there's a reason for that. There's a maturity at 30 that you just don't have at the age of 24. And to make a very long story short, I failed my last exam 2 weeks before graduation because I was my sister's maid of honor. So I had a choice either to stay at the academy and keep studying, and it was white-collar crime, and I'm very, 2 and 2 are 5 to me. So studying white-collar crime was intense for me. And I chose my family. I had to go to that wedding and come back and then take the exam. And they were very upset with me that I left. But bottom line, I thought ahead. And I said, who's going to be there for me when I need them, my family or the FBI? Right.

Yeah.

So I, I made the right choice and put family first. Okay, I put family first. Trust me, when you— all of your eggs are in one basket, and I reached my goal at 24 and it suddenly wasn't there anymore, let me tell you, it took me years to recover from that. Years. I beat myself up because I made that choice. I beat myself up, beat myself up because my family didn't understand the major decision that I made. They thought that it just wasn't meant to be and I wasn't good enough to be an FBI agent. And it wasn't until about 5 years ago I said, you don't get it, I was every bit ready to be an agent. I didn't stay and study because I chose family first, right?

Right.

And once we had that conversation, some of the shame was lifted. And also what was lifted was a pattern of self-sabotage after that with business, which is rather interesting. So things happen in our world that how we react to what happens sets the stage for what's going to come. Absolutely.

Amen. But, but before you go much further, before you go further though, you have to go into what you just said about, you know, it set you up for years of sabotaging yourself. Are you going to get into that?

Because that's—

okay, great.

I can do that if you like. Okay, so what was happening was I went into business right away. I'm, I'm a serial entrepreneur. I love business. I mean, from the time I was a little kid selling rides in my little red wagon for a couple of pennies, that kind of thing, okay? And my first business in college was a multi-level marketing company called CopperCraft. And I was always in retail and the hospitality industry, so I was all about service and helping people and on and on and on and on and on. What I know is that now, is that what happened happened because my values of service were more important to me than my career. You could not have told me that. So when I would go into business, and I'm talking about self-sabotage, what happened was I had such an intense need to serve, to serve, to serve, to serve, to serve, I had no boundaries.

Right.

Oh, I was going, going, going, going, going, going, going, helping this person, helping that person, and it was costing me money. Yeah, huge amounts of money in my business. And not having boundaries caused me to self-sabotage. That's where the self-sabotage came in. I didn't create boundaries because I had this need to serve, and it was to prove myself, and it was to What I didn't realize then was to get past the shame of not making it to the FBI Academy and having been able to do both.

Okay, right.

It wasn't meant to happen. What I now know is it wasn't meant to happen. Failing that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me because I honored my heart. Mm-hmm. Yep. I honored my heart. Yep. That's so— and that self-sabotage was huge though. The self-sabotage was used because it went in— it did affect the first business that affected the second business. And what I unconsciously did, or subconsciously did, was set up certain scenarios without realizing it where I was serving so much that it drove me into the ground. That's part of the resilience piece with the heart.

Yeah. And into the ground— are you also saying that into the ground, when it comes to business, it was a matter of, okay, so I'll serve, I don't care if I get paid, or I'll serve to the point where I'm physically you know, drained, or all the above?

What? All of the above. All of the above. All of the above. Yeah.

So your lesson there is, is that, you know, sometimes we, whether we're 20, 50, or 70, we need to kind of sit down and really kind of consider, you know, what are our patterns, what is our behaviors, what are our compulsions, and why are we not where we want to be? Is that it?

Exactly, that's exactly right. And as a business accelerator, I'm in a position now I can see very, very quickly the self-sabotage that is going on in people. It's just something I intuitively can do. It's one of my gifts. And having gone through it myself, because I burned out multiple times, and those multiple burnouts open the door to more learning. They open the door. And the bottom line with all of them is The commonality was boundaries. Yeah, yeah, boundaries.

Now since you mentioned, um, the fact that you, you know, you're, you're a business accelerator, uh, coach and whatnot, why don't you tell everyone in regards to your business accelerator VIP day program that you have? And then also, uh, I, I know you have a special offer for our Shedding the Bitch community as well. But everybody, we're, um, not anywhere near done our conversation because when we finish this, I want to get into with Terry for her to give you tips and whatnot about how you can be releasing your negative self-talk that's preventing you from using and leaning on your heart in business. But so, Terry, your Business Accelerator VIP Day—

well, what I do here, that is a one-on-one event where I work with people one-on-one. We spend the day together. We do it either virtually or in person, and I look at the entire big picture. There are forms and discoveries that we do ahead of time to make things a little quicker. Because if I don't do that, we spend a lot of time during the day on things that can be done way ahead of time. I include a DiSC profile. I include— the DiSC profile is integrated with emotional intelligence and with— one of the sciences is focusing on what are your strengths. So when we focus on what are your strengths and what are your challenges, we spend way too much time focusing on the challenges. Hey, we hire somebody for that. Okay? Let's build a business that's sustainable. Let's build a business that's socially conscious, that gets you to the goal of what you want to do, and identifying what is in the way. And as a holistic practitioner, there are techniques that I use to help release and dissolve a lot of the hidden emotions that are creating the self-sabotage, and we spend We spend the beginning part of the VIP day working with that, and then we strategically— what needs to happen to grow the business of their dreams. And it's followed up with one-on-one coaching a couple weeks later. So there's two one-on-one sessions before that. So we spend the whole day either on a webinar together on Zoom— I use Zoom for that— or in person. Or in person.

Nice.

And it's one-on-one. The VIP day is a one-on-one. I don't include other folks in because I give so much of my time, energy, and focus to that one person. It dilutes it too much if I have other folks in there, right?

Sure.

That kind of intense program, I— other people's energies get in the way. So I want to focus completely on that person's energy, focus, and desires.

Right, right. And the output what do they walk away with as part of that program?

Everybody's a little bit different, Bernadette. It really— that's what we talk about in the discovery. What are their goals and what is it that they want? Because not everybody wants the same thing. Perfect. So it is very customized, very, very customized.

Nice. And everyone, all right, you ready? So everyone, you need to make a note of Terry's email address. It's terrywilderman@gmail.com. And that's Wildeman with two N's, terriwildeman@gmail.com. Email her. No R, no R. And no R, exactly. Wildeman. And email— when you email her, make, you know, tell her that you heard her program as part of Shedding the Bitch Radio and that you're interested in learning more in regards to the Business Accelerator VIP Day. And her regular price for this program is is $2,500, but she is offering just to our Shady Bitch community— I'm so excited— that you would get it 50% off for $1,250. So look at it this way, everybody. If you're stuck, if you're in your head, you're not using your heart, if you have goals and dreams and have not been able to get where you want to go with them due to whatever emotional— whatever, you know, bitches, as we call them, are getting in your way, but maybe they're even tactical, more, you know, tactical business things, then use an expert for a day that's focused squarely on you to get that support, get that help. She'll really help release your negative self-talk, which is what we're going to talk about in a second. But take advantage of that because think about it, you know, $1,250 and you could be on your way to achieving whatever that business career goal is that you have for yourself, um, for that investment, um, in you, because that's what you're doing, investing in you. So reach out to her, terrywilderman@gmail.com, and you tell her about Shedding the Bitch. You can even say Bernadette, and she'll know that you came from the program, and you'll get that offer, special offer, just for our Shedding the Bitch community. That's awesome.

Absolutely.

All right, so I wanted to, I wanted to make sure we got that in.

Correct.

And we're not going to, we're not going to take a break because I want you to provide, if you would, some tips and advice to folks when it comes to releasing that negative self-talk, because that has a lot to do with the heart.

Excellent. The first thing I'm going to talk about is your words. There are words that we use constantly that are the opposite, that, that where the sentences state the opposite of what we actually want. And the words are don't, not, and no, try. Okay, so I'm going to go with the word try. Oh, I'm trying to do it. I'm trying to do it. Listen to the words. Listen to the tone of my voice. I'm trying to do it. How often do you hear people saying that, Bernadette?

I'm trying to lose weight right now.

I'm trying to lose weight right now. It's about switching the word try with the word commit. I am committed to losing weight right now. Can you feel the difference? Yo, absolutely. Absolutely. I am committed to losing weight right now. I'm not any good. The moment you say the word not, energy is focusing around that word and good. I'm not any good. Okay, well, what are you? You know, you keep telling yourself that, the— you're creating a If you can imagine a meadow, the brain as a meadow, okay, the brain is a meadow. The path you keep walking down keeps, keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. So if you, uh, keep telling yourself, I have no self-esteem— I'm going to rephrase it— I have no self-esteem, and you keep telling your brain, I have no self-esteem, I have no self-esteem, I have no self-esteem, what do you think the brain is going to do? Everything around you, everything in your world is going to— you're going to be attracting everything that's going to mirror I have no self-esteem. I have no self-esteem. Yep. Yet, let's go to path number 2. The first time you walk down that path with the brain as a meadow, there are some very light footsteps, right? Because the weeds are high and everything, and it's a little hard to go through there. I have a lot of value and self-worth. It's hard the first time you go through that. The second time you say it to yourself, I have value and self-worth. It's a little bit easier to go through that path, right, Bernadette?

Yep.

And then the third time, it's a little bit easier. And if you keep following the path of I have value and self-worth, what begins to happen? That pathway gets bigger, wider, and deeper. And because you have ignored the other path, what has happened with the other path?

Gone.

Gone because it's overgrown. So that is that little scenario there, that little imagery is what happens in the brain. So when you own who you are and you begin to shed 'I'm not worthy,' you begin to shed that and instead say, "I am worthy. I am valuable. I have gifts." Stay away from the words "don't," "not," and "no." The very first chapter of my next book is called "Don't Tell Me No. Tell Me Yes, and Let's Awaken the Possibilities Together." Nice. You want to talk about your book? Well, I will. It's called Intuitive Leadership: Keys to Unlock Prosperity Through Wisdom. And I just spoke with my publisher this week, and we mutually put it on a back burner for a little bit. So we're— it's probably going to be coming out in 2019 instead of 2018, but that's going to be the next book. That's when it's meant to Yep, it's a sequel to The Enchanted Boardroom: Evolve into an Unstoppable Intuitive Leader. So I'm very excited about it, and I agree we need to put it on the back burner right now for various reasons, because some projects have landed in my lap that are really huge. So, um, and he wants me to focus on the projects because then it'll be time for the book. So, you know, which comes first, the chicken or the egg? And that's it, and it feels good. It feels—

that's all that matters. That's all that matters. So what other thing, in our last couple minutes, what other tip or advice or guidance would you provide our listeners all about the subject of heart in the business?

Well, connecting with the heart the moment you wake up is huge from a resilience perspective, because the more resilient and healthy you are, the more you can make practical and logical decisions. <LYRICS>And they can do that by going to quickshiftzone.com.</LYRICS> Quick, Q-U-I-C-K, zone, Z-O-N-E, quickshiftzone.com. Okay, so when you go to quickshiftzone.com, you download a little 4-step exercise that I do that I encourage people to do when they first wake up in the morning and keep it with them and practice it morning, noon, and night. It's a little freebie. And what happens is you begin to breathe into your heart heart, and you get very grounded. You get very centered. And when you're in that grounded and centeredness, you begin to see things from a 360 perspective. The body begins to release the right hormones to assist you in getting healthy. Your cortisol levels are reduced and your DHA levels are increased, which is the good hormone. And I actually teach Quick Shift to leaders who— project managers and team builders— and we actually make decisions using mind maps and all kinds of things, and we start off with Quick Shift first. So it's a very powerful tool that is so simple you think it's not working, but it does.

Right, right, right, right. Nice. Well, you know, there's so much— I'm sitting here scribbling notes, notes, notes, as I'm sure Deborah is for our tweets and our posts. As always, you just provide some great, great tips and advice and insights and and just even your own experiences, which thank you very much for kind of, you know, being so transparent and open with our listeners because we all have to be able to relate to each other knowing that we're all going through our stuff and we could all support each other in finding our heart and our true self in business and in life. So thank you, Terry, so much for being part of the program.

You are very welcome. Thank you for inviting me back again. Thrilled when I saw your email because Bernadette, you are doing such a wonderful service for folks. Thank you.

Oh, why, thank you very much. And everyone, we will keep you informed in regards to Terry's upcoming book and programs and events, and you'll see this podcast uploaded and distributed, you know, for weeks and months to come. So if you've missed any part of the program, you can always come back and download it off of sheddingthebitch.com or blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio. And of course, Deborah's out there of Parker House Virtual Services. She'll be putting it out on Facebook and Twitter. So thank you, Terri, and I'll look forward to catching up with you again.

Thank you. Have a brilliant, brilliant day, and many thanks to your listeners for allowing me into their homes.

Absolutely. And everyone, remember, next week is Ask Me Anything. So go to Facebook, go to Twitter, LinkedIn, sheddingthebitch.com, onto our blog. Or shoot me a note directly, BernadetteBoas@SettingTheBitch.com, and let me know what question, what story, what challenge are you having that you need some help and you need some guidance, and we'll make sure that we address it as soon as you post it, but at the same time we'll talk about it right here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. So I want to thank everybody for joining today and for participating and Even those that come back and download, we love you, and take us with you when, when you go. And we look forward to having another conversation on Shedding the Bitch Radio next Tuesday. Have a great week, everyone.

Bye.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift Your Bitches to Riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.