The 4 A's of Change

Tonight we're talking about the 4 A's of Change. So if you're all excited about learning the 4 A's of Change and how you can use another tool and place that in your toolkit for achieving the, you know, the dreams and the riches in life that you want, then hashtag me. Hashtag Rich Goals. Hashtag Accelerate. Hashtag hell yeah! And let me know that you're not only listening but that you're all pumped up and ready to go because I don't know about you but when it comes to change, I love it, at the same time I love it but at the same time I need to be, not prepared for it because oftentimes you're not, I just want to be grounded and logical and out of my head around it. So, there's a few questions I would want you to be thinking about and answer just a simple yes or no around, uh, about it. Do you like to be controlled? Do you like other people and forces deciding the change for you? Do you like things to happen to you or even playing the victim? When it comes to change, it's all around control. It's why people are uncomfortable with it. It's because they just don't feel as if, you know, they have a heads up on it, they are involved in it, they are an active contributor or participant. And especially when it comes to work environments, but even life environments, life situations that come up could be totally out of your control. And so if you're uncomfortable with not being in control, then change can be very, very scary, very stressful, and a number of other B's that are out there. So what we want to do is we want to again put it into a logical box that we can look at with very clear eyes, and we can walk through a series of steps in order for us to be able to manage and even control it better and then accept it even more so and even welcome it because change is fun, change can be exciting but at the same time I understand for many people and for certain situations change can certainly be scary. So if you said yes, let me see what I said, if you said yes you're not alone. Okay, so if you do like to be controlled, if you do like to have things done to you, if you do like to have other people making the decisions for you, if you do like playing the victim, well, you're not alone. You aren't. You're not alone. That's what we've talked about, people who are comfortable. Those that are comfortable and want to remain comfortable, they are definitely the ones that are very, very uncomfortable with change. And the one phrase, if you write it down and stick it up on a wall somewhere, is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. If you want to dream the dreams, turn those dreams into your goals, create an action plan against those goals, and then go out into the world and with, you know, with fire and achieve those goals. Well, you're gonna have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable because dreams, goals, and actions and final achievement and success, it doesn't come without the highs and the lows, the risks and the solutions. Doesn't come without the stress and yet the excitement. So learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable because there's just one basic understanding that we all need to have is change is inevitable, change is inevitable, change is constant, and change is vital for us, vital, vital, vital. And if we can really understand that in that one life that we have that goes really, really fast. If we can understand that until they put you in a grave and, and put that coffin 9 feet under, you want to be changing, you want to be evolving, you want to be learning, you want to be growing, you want to be going after whatever it is that makes your heart sing. So getting really comfortable with change is one of the top key factors to success that you can work on, that you can work on. So let's look at, let me see, I just wanna, oh, let's look at that false evidence appearing real that we talked about earlier. Fear, false evidence appearing real. When that starts kind of getting, you know, dug up as a result of an inevitable, a constant, or a vital change that is taking place. Well, you can go back to the, even the tips and the strategies that we've already talked about to ground yourself into how to eliminate that fear, how to take it from something that's consuming your, your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings, your words, your actions, your behaviors. It's keeping you up at night. It's causing you to eat. It's causing you to drink. It's causing you to put yourself in precarious situations. It's causing you to lash out. It's, you know, all the ugliness. Think about all the ugliness that comes with fear and find those things that you can help to shed that false evidence appearing real, so then you can move on and really address how you can walk through change in a very effective manner. Alright, so what are those 4 A's of change? One would be awareness, and we'll come back to each one of these. One is going to be awareness. The second one is going to be attention, attention. The third is going to be— I lost it. The third is going to be, um, oh my gosh, acceptance. And then the fourth is going to be action. So awareness, attention— that third one's not sticking with me— acceptance, and action. So we've talked a lot about awareness. Won't spend a lot of time there, but if you can be aware and be, you know, very conscious around all the things that are kind of holding you up when it comes to change and/or really exciting you when it comes to change, that would be your first stepping stone to being able to manage and be in control of the change that is happening. And again, pen and journal. Write it out, scribble it out, put it, get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper. What are those things that you're aware of when it comes to a change that you're either planning for or that could be, you know, could come out of the blue? And before you get all anxious about it and fearful about it, you say to yourself, okay, so I'm aware of this change. That's about to happen. I might not have all the information yet, but you start really owning and staying conscious of the awareness you do have. All right. And then the next one being attention is you need to pay attention. You need to really understand and even be aware, but you want to pay attention to how you're, how you're responding, how you're reacting, to that change taking place. Changing that reaction to more of a proactive response is going to be your, you know, number one cure of any unnecessary stress, I'll say, is paying attention to how you're actually responding, reacting, projecting, projecting change. Some people who aren't comfortable with change and are maybe the rugs being pulled out from under them and/or even what they, they anticipated as change, they created a different outcome than what they're getting and the next thing you know it's being— they are projecting out all kinds of emotion, all kinds of feelings, all kinds of thoughts, all kinds of words, all kinds of behavior that may not be serving them very well and is only going to slow down that transition, that assimilation of change that is inevitable, constant, and vital. Alright, so awareness and attention, and the third one being acceptance. So you sit there and you look at the change that's taking place and/or you're planning for because your goals that we're going to talk about tomorrow, and you're noting, you know, the awareness that you have of it, you're noting the attention you're putting toward it. Now you're noting accepting what is going to happen and/or what you're planning for to happen. Now, it doesn't mean you're gonna accept it right away, but what you wanna do in the acceptance kind of phase of change is you want to kind of go through very similar questions we asked about earlier. This afternoon session, and that is, um, what's the worst thing that's going to happen as a result of this change? What's the best thing that's going to happen as a result of this change? Um, what if I absolutely refuse to budge on this change that is occurring? Uh, you know, so forth and so on. There's a whole series of questions you could be asking yourself in the acceptance stage of change to where you all of a sudden say, all right, so I have this column of the things I don't like, the things I don't want, the things that aren't serving me when it comes to this change. I have all the things that, okay, I can accept this, I can compromise on this, I can sacrifice this, I can walk away from this. And each one of those, you know, there's a solution to every one of them. There's things you could be doing— excuse me— for each and every one of those. And that brings you to the fourth A, which is action. What actions can you be taking proactively, hopefully proactively, but also if you're in a reactive state, then, you know, you get to a point where, and maybe it's because of absolute urgency, that you have to all of a sudden pay attention, back to attention, and you say, okay, what, what steps do I need to take? You know, what phone calls do I need to make? What, what adjustments do I need to make in my schedule? What compromises do I need to make? You know, what research do I need to do? What people do I need to reach out to? Whatever the case might be. But you all of a sudden can sit there and say, okay, I'm aware of this. I'm paying attention to it. It looks like this. You know, these are— I do accept these things and the things that I don't accept, I'll find a solution to, and then I'll take all of these actions in order to make this transition, this assimilation, this change as doable for me as possible. And most likely, you know, once you get through it, you're going to look back and go, gosh, that wasn't as difficult as I thought. I don't know why I got all in my head about it. I'm actually in a better place because of it, but I can guarantee you if you don't do that, if you aren't aware, paying attention, accepting it, and then taking action, I can guarantee you, you're going to be miserable on the other side. You're going to be fighting it. You're going to be angry about it. You're going to be regretting it. You're going to be bitter toward it as opposed to if you just, you know, logically and unemotionally walk through those 4 phases, those 4 steps of change, and getting it out of your head onto a piece of paper— you'll hear that a lot from me— you'll, you will find that change doesn't have to be as scary, doesn't have to be as hard, doesn't have to be as stressful, doesn't have to be as long as, you know, you might be making it out to be because of the fact that it's running around in your head amongst the 15 other thoughts that you have every minute of the day. All right, so when you do that and when you take a look at all of those things very logically, all of a sudden that fear that you are feeling is false evidence appearing real. And that's what we need to get beyond. We need to get beyond that fear. So if there's anything that you can walk away with during this whole series is that acronym, False Evidence Appearing Real. Stick it in your pocket and pull it out anytime something starts grumbling and you just kind of look at it and you say to yourself, well, wait a minute. You know, is this real or is this false evidence appearing real? Because I'm not going to discount your, your reality. I'm not going to at all. I get scared. I get stressed. I get anxious. However, I immediately kind of pull that, that acronym out of my pocket and I just sit with it and say, is this Is the situation that I'm in real? And if it is, then what can I do to be aware of it, pay attention to it, accept it, and then take actions to get through it so that fear actually becomes false evidence? Makes sense? And you can use this for anything, anything, anything, anything. That you might, might go through. So I kind of laid out just a few simple scenarios to kind of ground it in some basics. So say you want to lose weight, make more money, or ask for a divorce. All right, so 3 scenarios that we can paint. So as, as far as, you know, awareness is concerned, well, you might be aware that you have to lose weight. Maybe the doctor told you, maybe your friends have told you, maybe you've looked in the mirror and finally became aware and and saw yourself truthfully and said, you know what, I need to lose weight. Say when it comes to making more money, yes, you, you know, are very conscious of the fact that you don't make enough or you don't feel like you make what you deserve or you know that there's other opportunities out there where you can make more money. And so the person for divorce, they may be in a situation, a relationship that they're really not happy with. That they know is dragging not only themselves but everyone else down, and God forbid if they have children, and they are contemplating whether or not a divorce is in their future. So the awareness is recognizing that the situation that they're in is, you know, not working for them, and therefore they've actually set goals and try to, um, or not try to, and plan to address those goals via change. And again, change is hard, right? So once they're aware of it, then they start paying attention to it. So think about it, when you first decide to lose weight, you know, it's— you're all go-hung, you get your nutrition plan, you put together a fitness schedule, you get out for your walks, you make your meals, You're kind of pumped up about it. You're paying attention to this goal that you have and this awareness that you have that you want to lose weight. Same when it comes to making money. You get all pumped up about looking for another job or going and, and asking for a raise or a bonus or a new project or a promotion, whatever the case might be. And from a divorce perspective, you're aware that things aren't going well. You're paying attention to the effect that it's having on everyone, but also remember, there's also rewards and benefits as a result of change. So is it in my best interest? Is it in my family's best interest? You're paying attention to just all the factors of change that might take place as a result of this situation. So then you move on to accepting. You accept all the things that pertain to your to your situation/goal. So your goal to lose weight, you start accepting the fact that yes, you need to compromise, you need to sacrifice, you need to adjust what it is that you're doing and it's maybe not for the, just the short term but long term. So you consider whether you're going to be accepting getting up much earlier than you're accustomed to, you know, giving up some of the sweets and some of the carbs that you really, really want. Giving up evenings because the fact that you're preparing food for the week, whatever the case might be. When it comes to money, you're accepting the fact that yes, in order to then pursue those opportunities to make more money, whether it's internally or externally from the work that you're doing currently, you have to accept the change that might have to happen, the sacrifice that might have to happen. Maybe you have to move, maybe you have to change to a different company, maybe you have to take a different role than you're in right now, so you're really kind of working through that acceptance of it, and then of course, it's easy to say, okay, then these are the actions that I need to take in order for this change that I want, this new, this different, this goal that I want to be pursuing, you then lay out the action plan that you're going to take in order to do it. But where people mess up, where people fall short, is that one of those, you know, legs on the four-legged stool starts to crumble under the weight of change. And all of a sudden, maybe they no longer want to get up in the morning, you know, to go to the gym, or they don't want to give up on the fact that they can't have that wine when they get home at night. Maybe they don't want to have to, you know, change companies or move to a different state to find a new job. Maybe, you know, they are comfortable with the fact that there's a heartbeat, you know, in the home that they live in and they don't want to, you know, hurt the children or whatever the case might be. So somewhere in those 4 steps, the awareness, the attention, the acceptance, and the action, things start to crumble when it comes to following through on the change. And the next thing you know, it's why resolutions fall apart by January 15th. The next thing you know, what you wanted as a goal, what you had planned for, really wasn't the commitment and the conviction that you have toward it. Yes, you were all go-hung and energized around it. Yet just think about it. When you know, when you're certain, when you're clear, when you're focused on what it is you want, there's no stopping you. You will, you know, make the sacrifices, you will do the work, you will make the compromises and even take on the consequences of whatever needs to happen in order for you to go after it. There is nothing more exhilarating— then when you get in that sweet spot of knowing that what you're doing is the right thing you should be doing. And that's my goal for everyone, for all of you, for all of my clients, is to get to that point. To, you know, because friends of mine, when I started writing my, my film script a few years ago, I was working my little tail off just doing my consulting and my coaching with full docket of clients. And then on Saturdays and Sundays, I was either at the library or at a coffee shop, 9 hours of the day working on my script. And they're like, give yourself a break, you know, relax, you know, sit back. And, and I just was so excited and energized. I was just so convinced that what I was doing was the right thing I should be doing. So I was willing to make those sacrifices, those compromises. I was very aware, paying great attention, accepting all the things that I needed to do in order to take those actions to pursue that goal that I had. And it, you know, was with me and it still is. It's changed a little bit, not in the negative, but it's just evolved. But, you know, 2, 3, 4 years I kind of stuck to that because of that conviction, of that commitment that I had to it. So you know that when you start believing in something, when you know something's right, all of these, these fears of change are actually fueling you, are actually energizing you and exciting you to be aware to pay attention, to accept, and take the actions. There's nothing better. There is absolutely nothing better. Evening, Clare Mary. How are you? So let's see, what else do we need to cover? So when it comes to change, wrap your arms around it. Give it a big hug and kiss. Say, bring it on. I have the tools now, I have the tips, I have strategies that I could be using when, when I start feeling like, hmm, I'm losing it, I'm losing control because you will and you even as committed and as determined and as convicted as you are, there will be ebbs and flows in, in that time frame. It's a matter of if you let it happen for 5 minutes 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years. That's the only difference. And it's up to you, it's up to you as to, you know, how quickly do you want to get up when you fall or even when you slip, you know, how quickly do you want to recover from it. No problem just jumping on. Remember that this this will be recorded so you can watch it at any point in time. So let's see what we need to talk about. La la la la la. I think we covered everything when it comes to the 4/8. Does anyone have any questions?