The Secret Leaders Don't Want You To Know - Revealed!

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that helps transform corporate executives into the powerhouse leaders they're meant to be by helping them shed their overwhelming challenges as well as their fears, insecurities, negativities, and self-doubt so they can create riches in their work and life. My name is Bernadette Boas with Ball of Fire Coaching, and today we're going to talk about the one secret leaders do not want you to know. And before we get into all of that, I will say that I know this secret because I kept it for a really, really, really long time— decades, actually.. And I had to figure it out myself and was only given that opportunity actually to do that when I came face to face with who I really was in the mirror. So let me back up a little bit. Uh, many people would have described me in my 20s, 30s, and 40s, um, especially when I was in my, uh, corporate heyday they would have described me as confident, strong, courageous, a go-getter, ambitious. Let's see what else. Strong-willed. And while at the same time there was certainly sides of me that people might have described as abrasive, curt, demeaning, and yes, ouch, that can hurt. And at the same time, I'm not proud of that in any way, shape, or form. Don't get me wrong. Not proud, not proud, not proud. But it took me going through a very, very hard experience in order for me to see that and reveal that, which then revealed the secret that majority of leaders don't want you to know. So in late 2007, I was let go from my 25-year corporate career by my mentor of many, many years, and I knew that I had some role and some part in that. And so I went off following leaving my corporate life. I went off to really discover what I call excavate my soul, what it was that caused that incident to happen.. And through all of that self-discovery is when I revealed a major secret that many, many, many leaders do sometimes a really good job at hiding. I feel I certainly did. And yet at the same time, when, if you really were to peel back the onion, so to speak, you would certainly be able to see evidence of how it was very apparent what that secret was, uh, that they were holding on to and that they were trying to cover up as much as possible. Because here I was, and people perceiving me as courageous and strong-willed and confident and empowered, and yet the reason why I was lashing out in a very abrasive, demeaning, intimidating way was because I was actually riddled riddled with insecurities and self-doubt. And that is the secret that many leaders don't want you to know. They don't want you to know that about them, is that they are often riddled with insecurity, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, low self-worth, low self-esteem, you name the negative, the negativity, the fear, the doubt, the uncertainty. In themselves and in their abilities and capabilities of doing what they need to do in the, in the workplace, and especially in their role as, as a leader. Especially the higher they go, the more they're, they're going to work really hard to mask that. But unfortunately, as I learned and when I really went through my discovery process, what I learned and then what I have seen ever since in the 12, 14 years I've now been coaching and consulting on basically the behaviors of leaders in the workplace. You know, what eventually happens is that masking, that guarding, that shielding, that secret actually starts oozing out and starts getting projected out into the world, into their world, um, in a very kind of negative, abrasive, uh, micromanaging, uh, bully boss type of way. Uh, and that is why so many of them, uh, don't want to necessarily, um, see that. They don't want to acknowledge that. They don't want to take accountability for that. And therefore they just go, go on and continue. Now, the other part of this secret is the fact that if they are lucky enough, lucky enough, like I was for many, many, many years, if they're lucky enough to be able to, uh, kind of position themselves as a, you know, massive producer, a revenue generator, an abundance creator, if they're actually contributing greatly to the progress of the business, oftentimes many, many, many people around them will let them get away with it. They'll keep it as sort of like a secret, a secret between you and me. And yes, I know, you know, that this isn't necessarily an acceptable way of leading. This isn't really leadership. This is being a boss. This is being a manager, not necessarily a leader. And yet, because of the fact that they're contributing greatly and that they're, you know, a massive generator of output, it is often accepted. It's often ignored. It's often overlooked. And then add to it that many, many other leaders don't want to necessarily confront that because they have their own insecurities around conflict. Around confrontation, around, um, you know, potentially disappointing or hurting, you know, someone, then it's a vicious circle of them not doing anything about it, and therefore the other person just continues behaving in such a way, um, and not— never really kind of considering the impact that it's having you know, around the people, or all the people around them. So what and why would someone even like myself, who obviously was a massive contributor, is a, um, is a revenue generator, is a, you know, key part of a business and of a team— and when I say, I want to be careful, because when I say of a team It's not necessarily that someone like that is teaming productively. It's just that, you know, they're someone's, you know, piece of the hierarchy. And because of the way that they are contributing and driving the business, they're, you know, they're kind of overlooked. Their behavior and their performance is overlooked. And you know why I have to not defend anyone who's a bully boss or a tyrant or even, you know, a bitch like I was. I'm not defending them, but to further understand why is let's look at the workplace first and then go to the personal space after that. So many so-called managers, bosses are really dealing with a lot right now, uh, you know, even more so than they always have. I mean, you know, dealing with, uh, people issues since day one of, you know, of the Industrial Age, um, has always been a very trying, a very emotionally draining, a very time-consuming activity is dealing with people issues. Uh, however, you know, add on top of that everything that's been going on, I would say, even in the last 10, 12, 15 years. Um, I left corporate in 2000 and late 2007 going into 2008, the recession of 2008, massive layoffs, massive decline in, in business profits, so forth and so on. And ever since then, people and companies are playing catch-up. And then at the same time, we have this other, you know, massive pandemic. We have the great, the great resignation. We have quiet quitting, quiet firing, so many things just piling on top of just trying to run a business while managing the people that, you know, drive that business. So bosses and managers and leaders, they have a very challenging environment that they're, they're existing in. And oftentimes it could cause them to, um, overlook, ignore, avoid, simply because they just don't have the time and the energy to put toward dealing with someone that may be kind of hiding their secrets of insecurities, doubts, and negativities by being avert, by being abrasive, by being curt, by being demeaning.. And, you know, bully bosses have gotten away with a lot for many, many, many years. So why, why, you know, change now is what oftentimes runs through leaders' heads is, I just don't have the time. And this person is, you know, massively producing and contributing. So, you know, I kind of just have to live with it. Well, and we're going to get back to the fact that not only should you not be living with it, but you absolutely have to not choose to live with it, or eventually it will be the demise of either, you know, the business or the business and that individual. And take it from someone who can, you know, confidently say, I wish someone had spoken to me about it and, and course-corrected me. And given me the opportunity to say, or to, or to realize that I either shift and change and transform, or I do lose my 25-year career. You know, give me that, that decision. Give me that option. Because trust me, I would have changed if I thought I was going to be losing everything. And yet that unfortunately did not happen in my case. Um, because of the fact that no one wanted to confront it and deal with it. So let's go back to the fact that we're looking at the internal challenges of the workplace and the work environment and the economy, um, creating a lot of people just wanting to kind of close, uh, you know, keep a blind eye to a situation of a, you know, bully boss or just someone who is not leading effectively in the workplace and keeping that secret of the fact that, you know, this individual is, is really struggling to be effective. But then, then you have to look at the internal of that individual. You have to— without being able to go into kind of their home or into their, you know, community or social life, you still have to be compassionate, be empathetic, um, to really want to meet them where they are, walk in their shoes, and, and figure out and dig into why is it this individual is, um, keeping such a secret that they're insecure or feeling intimidated or don't feel worthy enough, uh, or don't feel good enough. And how do you help them and support them in order for them to recognize those things, in order for them to then be able to transform and shift out of that so they can continue to be not only high-producing and high-contributing, but also now they're also highly effective leaders in the workplace. And again, without getting into their personal life and being able to literally walk through a day in their life, you can certainly provide the resources and the tools and the coaching and the support that they need in order to help them uncover that. Again, had someone sat me down and said, all right, we have, we have a few things to talk about. It's not going to be comfortable. I'm not going to be comfortable. You're not going to be comfortable. You're not going to necessarily be open to hearing this. However, it's in the, you know, your best interest that we have this very uncomfortable, difficult conversation so I can then provide you the help and the support that you need. That could be through, that could be through leadership coaching where someone is internally or externally brought in to kind of have a one-on-one partnership and engagement with this individual to to really understand themselves inside and out, and then help them take specific actions in order to change what it is that's negatively impacting their ability to really do their job effectively. So there's that. There's also mentoring, an element of coaching. And again, mentoring is providing that resource to an individual that, that person can kind of lean on and discuss issues with and, and challenges with and opportunities and decisions that they're that they're potentially looking at and dealing with. But it won't go— mentoring won't necessarily go as deep into really understanding the inner workings of a person and what is driving their behavior and their actions and even their words of how they're interacting with the people around them. So, uh, there's executive or slash leadership coaching that could be made available to them. At the same time, there's trainings and there's, um, overall education that, that can be provided. There's, you know, I often will provide books to my clients if they're dealing with a particular thing or they're looking to learn or improve or evolve in a certain skill or certain, um, trait or quality. Then I might provide them reading. I'd love to find where the reading's actually more hands-on, meaning it's more of a workbook than it is just a book where it has, you know, questions to answer or exercises to do, techniques to learn, that kind of thing. So you can always be looking at, you know, any type of books or resources, you know, digitally or soft or hard copy, whatever the case might be. Uh, and then at the same time, uh, what I would always suggest, being that it's something that I have been able to develop over the years, is then to find almost a process or a program, or in my case, a formula that then someone can use to really do the work on themselves, not by themselves necessarily, but on themselves, that will help them become more self-aware and help them become more, um, conscious and intentional and purposeful around how they are, uh, thinking, feeling, therefore behaving, performing, acting, uh, communicating, so forth and so on. And so I did want to provide a walkthrough of what that that formula is, because the main thing that anybody has to really consider for themselves and for other people— meaning for themselves, if they are feeling as if, you know, I'm the problem here, that, you know, there's something that I'm just not delivering on in regards to my performance, in regards to my behavior, and therefore I really need to figure that out. If I'm not where I want to be, if I continue continually get overlooked for new projects or advancements or bonuses or raises. There, I have to have play a role in that. There has to be some degree of accountability on my part. Uh, that's exactly what I needed to do, uh, when I was given that pink slip. I certainly got angry. I certainly got, uh, bitter. I certainly got confused. Perplexed. I certainly got just unclear as to exactly what was happening and why it was happening. At the same time, I absolutely knew in every cell of my body, as hard as it was to admit, that it just didn't happen overnight and it just didn't come out of left field. That I had a part in my being fired, that I had to take a look at what my role was and take accountability for that role in order to really work through all the different emotions that I was going through during that time period. And if we can get our, you know, managers, bosses, and leaders to take that view of themselves and to really look in the mirror and be as honest and transparent and, and naked with exactly who they are and what is causing them to behave and perform the way that they do, good, bad, or ugly, then that's a huge, huge step for actually protecting that high potential, high producing individual that is struggling, but then we can start working on the struggling piece and maintain and even enhance and enrich that, that individual to where they're an even greater contributor, uh, to the business than they were yesterday, so to speak. And again, had I been given that opportunity, I would have done the— would have wanted to do the same. So one, we have to kind of you know, give the support and the resources to that individual to help them come to those conclusions themselves. I was fortunate that I had the guts, I guess, as many people have told me, to actually see myself very clearly. I didn't like it. I actually broke down physically in like a pool of shame and disgust and humiliation and embarrassment. At the same time, all of those tears, and literally physically tears just allowed me to shed all of that heaviness and all that ugliness and all that weight, to where I then made room and made space within myself to say, all right, you know, this isn't who I want to be, this isn't what I want, and therefore, you know, I just need some support and some help and guidance as far as defining what it is that I really truly wanted, who I truly wanted to be. And how am I going to go about doing that? So one, we have to, you know, give it to that, that individual, that opportunity, because the impact, you know, could be that not only does the business lose a really strong contributor, but that individual loses, you know, their career, their identity, their, you know, their purpose. And, you know, that could be even harder to overcome because a business they'll just hire somebody else and move on. An individual, it could pull them down for a very, very, very, very long time. And so we as true leaders need to really give whatever is needed into that individual in order for them to do the work necessarily— necessary to transform themselves. All right, so then the second part of that is, and then as Leaders, we need to meet our people where they are. We need to be able to see that and recognize that and then confront and deal with it productively and effectively before there's a risk to the business or to that individual and to yourselves as leaders. I won't say that, oh, You know, my team fell apart when I left, but I can, I can pretty much be confident that taking my ability to produce, taking my, you know, high potential, taking my, you know, just taking my contribution out, that hurt the business or hurt that team for a bit. I'm not going to say it, you know, was forever or even a long time. But businesses don't want to lose good people. Leaders don't want to lose great team members that are producing, that are contributing. At the same time, they're hurting themselves, they're hurting the team, they're hurting the business should they be not dealing with and not confronting and being upfront and coaching and mentoring and developing and training and providing all the resources to their people that will allow them to course correct themselves. And so the individual has to take responsibility and accountability, but so does the manager/leader of that individual. Because if they don't, and if they, you know, skirt the issue, if they, you know, avoid it, if they do anything but address it, And if you don't like the word confront, don't use the word confront. And I can't tell you how often I hear that from people. Oh, you know, confrontation, that just sounds so ugly. Well, you know what? It is what it is. You know, come face to face. Does that make you feel better? Go face to face with someone and, you know, get uncomfortable with that individual and be upfront and open about the fact that this isn't going to be a comfortable discussion. This isn't going to be easy. You're not going to, you know, like it. I'm not going to feel comfortable doing it. But we have to do it. We have to do it because I want you to leverage all the great things about you. And right now, we're only getting pieces of it. Yes, it's massive production and contribution and performance. But it's not the behavior that we're looking for in the people that work for us. And so there's, you know, the impacts are on both sides. It's on the individual as well as on the— it's on the team leader and as well as it's on the business also. So you just want to make sure that you're, you know, doing what you can to ensure that the person is given the opportunity to decide for themselves and to take action or don't take action. In making the changes and the transformations that you're expecting of them. And if they don't, then there would be no surprises. There would be no individual standing in the middle of a parking lot with a pink slip in my hand and a box of my 25-year career, totally perplexed, confused, angry, um, you know, bitter, feeling like I just got back, you know, stabbed in the back. Um, you wouldn't have that from someone because the fact that you're confronting it, you're addressing it, you're coming face to face with it, and you're laying out a path for that individual. Because many, many, many, many of you are keeping a really, really, uh, big secret through your, you know, you know, through your behavior, through your actions, through the words that you're using. And that secret is one of masking your insecurities, doubts, and negativities. Others could be that you're, you know, you're hiding the secret of how confident you are and how empowered you are. So maybe you're, you know, humble and you, you're not necessarily having to go out there and boast. Um, but, you know, many, many, many of us are hiding and masking the secret of our insecurities, doubts, and negativities, feelings of intimidation imposter syndrome, self-doubt, you name it. And unfortunately, it's being hidden through a projection of ugliness. Um, and so I often will, will tell, um, my clients, especially the clients that are dealing with, you know, bully bosses or tyrants of any kind, um, I'll actually tell them to be sympathetic and compassionate toward that individual because of the fact that the only reason why they are lashing out, the only reason why they are acting in the way that they're acting, whether that be dismissive, unemotional, non-empathetic, um, with little compassion, engagement, collaboration praise, support. The only reason why is because of the fact that they don't feel good about themselves. They feel that they're lacking. They don't feel that they're deserving and worthy of praise and motivation and inspiration. And it could, you know, be from something from their childhood all the way through, you know, some encounters and experiences in the, in the workplace throughout their career. But whatever the case might be, it's not necessarily your fault or your job to fix it. It's your responsibility. And I don't need, you know, and we could look at this as it's your responsibility as even an employee to your boss, as well as if this is a boss to an employee, to at least address it with the individual helping them understand the negative impact it's having on not only their team members and the business results, but on them and their ambitions and their goals and the agenda that they might have for their career. And then after that, they really have to— they have to take responsibility to decide about whether or not they're going to make any changes. And if you're not in the position to provide the resources, that if it is an employee going to a boss to discuss that boss's behavior and the negative impact it's having on yourself and the team, well, you may not be in the position to offer up coaching or offer up training and resources. However, you can always make suggestions to them that they could then go act on. But you're not ignoring it. You're wanting to support and help, and therefore you raise it up. But certainly the, the senior, I'll call it the senior to the employee, who, where the employee might be, and, you know, having an issue, might be keeping the secret behind a mask of abrasiveness and curtness and bully bossing. Well, they certainly have a responsibility to throw at this individual any of the resources and support that can be provided to give that person an opportunity to, to shift and change. Um, so the, you know, because we all will understand that the impact of someone who is keeping their secrets of insecurities, doubts, and negativities behind a mask of abrasion, um, the impact is tremendous. The impact on the people around them, uh, not wanting to show up at work, not wanting to team, not wanting to collaborate, not wanting to pull together. To work on a common goal, let alone the impact it's going to be on you, the manager of that person, where it's just going to be very trying, very stressful, you know, riddled with anxiety and just complete— it'll consume a manager when it comes to having a difficult employee. And then ultimately, It's going to impact the manager who's not going to be able to get their goals accomplished if they don't help this individual course correct. And then again, it trickles up, so to speak, to the impact to the business as a whole. Now, keep in mind, this gets even more elevated the higher level the individual, the difficult individual is. So imagine, picture if this is a C-suite of leaders, a VP suite of leaders, let alone middle management or lower management and employees. So the, you know, the higher you go up in the hierarchy, so to speak, and you have any type of breakdown in the, the type of leaders that you have managing a group of people underneath them, the greater the detriment or the contribution to the effectiveness of the team, the effect and the results of the business are going to have. So you definitely, absolutely, regardless of what position you're in, you're going to want to get it addressed. So what could one, if anyone is listening, and you could be the individual yourself who's recognizing that you know, the— you are being overlooked for promotions, advancements, um, opportunities, bonuses, raises. So, you know, this is definitely for you, as well as if you're a hiring manager or an HR leader or a leader of any kind and you have someone who is greatly, uh, producing and contributing to the, to the business and yet is struggling to be the type of performer that you want, the type of leader that you're looking for, then this formula that I've just kind of discovered through my own journey over the last 14 years can certainly benefit those individuals, collect— or individually, or even collectively as a team. And you could make note of this, this formula, and even leverage it not only with that individual, but, you know, through a teaming, teaming exercise and activity. So then everyone is benefiting from the potential work that you have maybe one individual doing. Um, so the— I call it my Shift to Riches Formula, and it basically is, um, it basically is a series of 5 steps or stages, but 5 steps that one walks through, what that I walked through, especially in the first, I would say, 5 or 6 years of what I call excavating my soul. Having, you know, been fired, trying to figure out why, and working through what my role and part and accountability was, um, to that firing, and then saying, okay, I reconcile that. Now how do I want to use all this information to move myself forward and to become the leader that I want to be, the powerhouse leader that I want to be? And all of a sudden, through those days, weeks, months, and years, I all of a sudden saw some distinct stages that I was walking through, almost like, uh, the stages of grief. Um, but I saw these 5 distinct stages I was walking through that, that I actually had to get it documented and then use it. And I use it to this day, and I use it with my clients, but I even use it with myself on a day-in, day-out basis. So the steps on a, on a high level are discover, confront, and shed, so you can create and accelerate. And again, an individual can use this, a team can use this. So in the discovery phase, basically you're looking to discover anything and everything about yourself. How often do you do that? How often do you sit down and ask yourself, who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I not want to be? What do I want in my work, in my career, in my relationships, in my community, in my finances? In my health, you know, and what do I not want? And trust me, this was a big one for me, you know. What do I not want in all aspects of my life? It could be within yourself. So it's— there's always internal and external factors through this. So it's all the internal work first. You could be asking yourself, you know, all of this about yourself inside, and then you could look outside to the people, places, and things that are in your world that, you know, you want to kind of understand and put into perspective around how they either contribute to your life or, or take away from your life. So that's the discovery phase. And then in discovery phase, uh, you have to confront a lot of things. You have to confront those things internally that you may not like. You also have to what I call honor your riches about those things you discover about yourself that you do like and that makes you feel good and that you know is contributing positivity and, um, and kindness and value to the world. Or let's, you know, make it smaller, to yourself. In the case of work, to your team, to your company, um, so forth and so on. So in the confront phase, you're having to then look over all of those things you're discovering about yourself and really confronting them, maybe for the first time. So as I was discovering all the things I didn't like about myself and all the things that, you know, laid me physically on the, on the ground in a pool of disgust and shame and disappointment and humiliation and embarrassment, I certainly had to confront all of that and say, okay, is that what I want? Um, or is there something different that I'm looking for? Unfortunately, you know, I was like, okay, I want something new, different, bigger, better. Um, but I had to confront it first. Self-awareness is your first step, and that's what this is all about, is that self-awareness. Because those keeping the secret of feeling insecure and intimidated and not good enough Um, it's also because of the fact that they're not being well aware, self-aware of what it is that's causing them to feel those things. And so through the Discovery and Confront process, we're hoping for you to be able to, um, uncover these things about yourself and then really kind of try to link back to what is What provoked this? What caused this? Why am, am I thinking or feeling or believing this within myself? Finding that evidence of truth or no truth. And rarely is it truth of why you should be insecure or should be, uh, feeling intimidated or feel— or should be feeling like you're not worthy. Rarely do you find truth— or I'm sorry, evidence that you should feel that way. Because even if you were to say, for instance, well, I feel like I'm not good enough because I've been told since I was 5, you know, that from my parents that I'm not good enough, that I'll never amount to anything. And yet the next thing you're going to need to confront and, and start, you know, kind of being honest and truthful with yourself is, but is that true? Even though they told me that Is it true? I won't amount to anything. I mean, I got through high school. I got through college. I have a job. I love, you know, I like or love my job, or maybe I don't like my job, my job, but I've overcome issues and challenges. I've had my successes. I've had my failures. So really, is it true that I'm not good enough and worthy enough? And again, In 99.9% of the cases, you're gonna find that evidence that is gonna say it's not true. So the discovery and the confront is, is a stages that you have to spend a lot of time and be really comfortable with being uncomfortable. This isn't about you asking yourself these questions and putting one line down on a piece of paper and moving on. This is something that not only are you journaling or you're putting into a, you know, into a video voicemail or onto a video just for yourself, you know, it could also be where you're spending a great amount of time with someone kind of purging, excavating your soul around it. And however you choose to do it, on your own, with someone, whatever the case might be, It's something that you want to really dig deep. That's why I call it Excavation on My Soul, because you really have to excavate. And excavate isn't going down, you know, one level. It's going down many, many, many, many levels or layers and drilling in to discover the gold and the diamonds that are— and the riches that are within yourself. Um, confronting all of that including honoring your riches. Ladies, we do a horrible job as women really kind of being proud, beating our chest, and honoring our beauty, skills, talents, expertise, experience, um, uh, skills. Did I say that already? Uh, and yet we need to. And the reason why we really need to is if you can really— if you want to put it on a piece of paper. On one side, it's, you know, what I call bitches— bitches and riches. If one side are the things that you don't like about yourself, but on the other side are the things that you love about yourself, maybe that you discovered, you know, and acknowledged within yourself, but you've also been told from other people, you can combine those, those two things. Um, um, the, you know, one thing that I really stress to my clients is I want you to spend time really looking at and owning those riches. And because anytime you then get back into the space of feeling insecure or not good enough or not worthy enough, you can go back to that evidence of riches and you can own it and you can allow it to kind of really energize you and bring you back up and away from all of that negative space. Uh, so that's discover and confront. And then you need to make decisions, hard decisions around shedding. Now keep in mind, we're talking internal and external. So you're making decisions about, all right, what are those things that I've discovered and confronted about myself that I don't want any longer, that I want to shed out of my inner being? Um, it's going to be your beliefs, it's going to be your thoughts, it's going to be um, your— the emotions that come along with all of that, because then that's going to affect your actions and your words. So you make decisions. I made decisions. I didn't want to be nasty. I didn't want to be curt. I didn't want to hurt people. I didn't want to walk in the room and have people, you know, fearful of me. Um, and so what, you know, so what were those things that I confronted as to what was, you know, causing me to do that? Well, my belief that I didn't fit into my family for many, many, many years. That's another story for another day. But it was a huge component that I discovered and confronted, that there are a lot of what— why I was projecting the nastiness that I was projecting was I just never felt as if I fit in and I belonged. And yet when I was looking at it in, you know, my late 40s, I was like Of course I did fit in and I belonged. I was never ostracized or, you know, not included, whether it would be my family or my friends or the community. So why am I holding on to this? Why am I allowing it to just beat me down, you know, to a pulp? And so I had— I made the decision to shed it. So that's the inner. Then you do need to look at the outer. You need to look at the people, places, and things that are contributing to your insecurities, fears, negativities, and self-doubts. And there are— there are people, places, and things. Trust me, there are people that are always telling you you're not good enough. There are places you're going that are just feeding into you feeling like you don't fit in, feeling like you don't belong, or you're not good enough. You know, it could be the fact that you're trying to pretend that, you know, you're somebody that you're not, and therefore you're hanging out with people who kind of are fake themselves and aren't who really you align with and you're congruent with. And then they don't make you happy and they don't fulfill you. Uh, it could be people you're dating, people you're married to, people you're sleeping with, um, let alone people you're hanging out with. And then it could be the, you know, places and the things, the things around you. I downsized from a 2,400 square foot to a 450 square foot, letting go, shedding all the physical crap I realized that I was carrying around thinking I was impressing other people, and yet it didn't bring me joy, and therefore I made decisions to shed it. So again, the discover and confront are just heavy, heavy, heavy places. The shedding is the really difficult place because now you're making decisions about what you're willing to accept in your world and what you're willing to let go. And then of course, um, all of that, which is so exciting and so exhilarating, all of that is now feeding you wanting to create new, bigger, different, and better. Because once you're all of a sudden in that discovery and, and confront and you're letting, you know, you're discovering things about yourself, you're, you're making decisions about, you know, how it's impacting you, how you want it to impact you, how you don't want it to impact you, what you want to contribute to the world, and then you start shedding them. Well, all of a sudden you're opening up space within yourself for bigger, better, different, and better— bigger, better, different, and newer. And all of a sudden you're wanting to create new goals, new aspirations, new relationships, new opportunities at work, new teaming partnerships. Um, and so the creating phase is happening as you go, and it's just so exciting. It is like shedding your skin and, you know, kind of allowing your true skin to be revealed. And then of course, from a creating— and as you are all of a sudden, you know, kind of getting childlike eyes again, and the world's becoming so glorious and so bright and so, um, opportunistic, you're wanting to accelerate that feeling. You're wanting to accelerate those opportunities. You're wanting to accelerate those, uh, results that you're getting. Because trust me when I say, a couple years after my excavating of my soul, my shedding process, I ran into a couple of, um, ex-employees that worked for me. And I was on a jog sweating my butt off. And all of a sudden, you know, I hear, hey Bernadette, is that you? And I was like, hey, how are you? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, they were like, you know, looking me up and down. And I could see that they're, you know, literally looking me up and down. And they're like, can I ask you something? And I'm like, sure, what's up? And they're like, 'Have you had work done?' And inside I was laughing my brains out. Inside I was just hysterical. On the outside I was like, 'I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you mean. What do you mean?' And they were like, 'Well, you look, you know, 10, 15 years younger.' I was like, 'Sweet, a free facelift!' Uh, but that's what it does. That's what's shedding, you know, all of those things, especially the internal, because it starts inside. All the things you have on the outside is as a result of what you are carrying around on the inside. So you start shedding all the negativity, the fears, the doubts, um, the insecurities, and all of a sudden you are going to reveal a much younger self, a much happier, a much joyful, a much more vibrant self, and it is the perfect facelift. Real quick, I'll tell you, I had already finished writing Shedding the Corporate Bitch. You could probably see it right behind me, uh, and when I was in that park jogging, running into these two ex-employees, and yet it was— the manuscript had just gone to the publisher like a week earlier, and yet I ran home as a result of that conversation I ran home, called my publisher, and I was like, hey, I have another chapter I need to submit. I'm writing it right now. I'll be done in a couple of days, um, but it absolutely needs to get included in the, in the book. And they said, oh, that's fine, you have time. And, uh, the chapter is called My Facelift. Uh, and so if you want a free facelift— and I should say, you know, a disclaimer with the free because it will take a lot of work. It will take, um, a lot of being comfortable being uncomfortable. It will take a lot of support and trusted allies around you. However, if you are willing to reveal your secret that you are feeling insecure, doubtful of yourself, you're feeling negative you are feeling fearful of the next step, or, you know, that you want to take or that you need to be taking, uh, then you definitely, definitely want to walk through, whether it's with someone like a coach, it's through training or reading or disciplines of any kind, or if it is leveraging something like our Shift to Riches Formula, uh, but whatever it is if you're feeling in any way, shape, or form that you're just not being the powerhouse leader you can be, then all I would really advocate to you is to do some self-work. Go inward, reveal the secret to yourself. You don't have to reveal to anybody else that these things are holding you down, holding you back. Draining you, exhausting you, making you unhappy, and just then go find the resources that can help you overcome them. Because I know for myself that full transformation— and I mean full transformation— can happen for anyone who finally makes the decision that they want to change. And they want something new, bigger, different, and better. And so at the same time, if you, if you are there in any degree, you don't have to like be all in. You could be scared, you could be uncomfortable, you could be nervous about what could happen, but at the same time, trust me when I say it is the most exhilarating, exciting process. As hard and painful, and depending upon you how slow or fast it is, um, it's all worth it. Because I don't care if you're 30 or if you're 90, if you're on this earth breathing, if you're waking up to another new day, then you have no time to waste when it comes to finding your joy and passion. And finding your purpose and even yourself, so that whatever days we have left, which none of us are guaranteed, you know, a number, then at least you are grounded in who you are and you are honoring the riches of who you are. And from your work to your life, No one can expect more than that, and you, um, should just be proud of that if you get to that point. And so if you are ready and if you do need to talk to someone, then please feel free to reach out to me at any point. You know, book a call with me, go to coachmebernadette.com/discoverycall and Like I said, the secret that you may be hiding— because I know many, many, many managers out there are— that you're feeling insecure, not good enough, not worthy enough. The weight of that secret is absolutely— um, I mean, I'm just getting all like heavy in my heart around it, but it's just absolutely crushing your soul. And yet the moment you start to discover, confront, and shed that weight— absolute freedom, absolute happiness. And I should also say, it's not as if you're never going to have a bad day, an insecure day, or a negative thought ever again in your lifetime. Uh, you know, I need to be sure I say that. But what I am saying is that you have an, uh, you, you now would have tools and resources and support that you can use every day to walk through it because you did before. All right, so if you do make note of the Shift to Riches Formula, and if you have to rewind and watch this again or listen to this again to make note of the Shift to Riches Formula, then do so because you could be using that on a day-in, day-out basis. And trust me when I say 8, 10 years later, I still, when I have a situation that comes up and I'm sitting at my desk staring at my computer, or I'm sitting on my couch eating bonbons, I pull that formula out and I just work through it. And eventually I work through whatever issue I'm having. So get the support that you need. Reach out to me. I'd love, love, love to help you. Go to coachmebernette.com/ discovery call. All right, all right everyone, thank you so much for being part of this Shedding the Corporate Bitch episode, and I will talk with you soon. Take care everybody, bye!