Top of Mind Career and Business Questions addressed....

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to this special edition, the year-end edition of AMA, Ask Me Anything. And, uh, we also call it Ask Bernadette. I take your questions, stories, and challenges as it pertains to your work. Maybe you have your own business, maybe there's a relationship issue, some area of your career, business, and life. And answer them right here, as well as if you had been sending me your questions throughout the month on any one of our social networks, especially Facebook and Twitter under Shedding the Bitch. Or I get a lot of them through LinkedIn after I've either posted articles or have announced that we're having this episode, which is the first Tuesday of every month. So let's— before we get into that, let's see, anything going on? It is December. You have less than 30 days ways to kind of get your act together when it comes to 2018, but at the same time to assess how 2017 went for you. And we'll be talking about that because that is one of the regular questions I get, and we have it this time as well, is how do we assess where we've been and how do we plan where we're going. Oh, let me give you an idea what we're going to talk about, and then we'll go on a commercial break, come back real quick and get into it. So I mentioned, sexual harassment versus sexual assault, really kind of what does that mean, what are the differences, and what do I do next. Um, I had several of you, and again, it's year-end, so you're all thinking about, okay, I want to ask for a raise, I want to ask for promotion, how do I go about doing that effectively, uh, what could I be doing differently, so forth and so on. So we'll talk about that. And then how to overcome the holiday blues, I mentioned How to close out 2017 and welcome in and plan for 2018. And then, sadly, one or two of you actually, and a good friend of mine was laid off that infamous Monday after Thanksgiving. So, we're gonna talk about that and what you could be doing, 'cause there's a lot you could be doing now even if you're thinking that it's the holidays and no one's paying attention. I first want to address, um, it came out of our last episode or one of the last two episodes, uh, that we devoted to the whole sexual harassment epidemic. And I shared some stories of my own and other people, um, when it came to the different scenarios, uh, that too often women deal with, uh, in the workplace, even in their personal lives. And then I kind of walked through what those look like, because some people don't get it. Some people don't understand, and some people even are confronted with the situation, but they kind of blow it off thinking that it's, oh, you know, there's nothing real serious about it. So go back to that episode on blogtalkradio.com or on our sheddingthebitch.com radio page and download that episode. I even videotaped it, so it's up on our Shannon the Bitch YouTube channel as well. Okay, so one thing that was lingering after that— we're not going to repeat that show, obviously— was just wanting a better understanding of the difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault. Now, disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer. I did the same research you would probably do, or your lawyer would do, or an HR person would do.. And I simply went as a, as actually a victim of sexual assault and harassment. I just wanted to go back and refresh my memory as well, because what we don't want to be doing is accusing people of these things if it doesn't fit one of these two categories. All right, so I'm gonna just give you what I was able to find for myself, and at the same time you're gonna recognize some of the complaints that these women made, where they might fit within these two categories. So sexual harassment, basically they look at that as like locker room talk. It's not a crime per se. It's not a crime per se like sexual assault is, which we'll get to in a minute. So what could sexual harassment include? It could include inappropriate jokes. It can include pinups. Or even a number of female executives at all levels have reported where they actually got confronted kind of in meetings or going into a guy's office where they had like either pinups, which is a very, very old, old— I think I'm aging myself back to the '70s and '80s— but, or they had magazines, they had Playboy magazines. Sally Hockentech of Elevate. She reported that she used to go in and she, you know, with all these cubicles that don't have real full walls, she would go in to see someone and/or kind of look over their cubicle wall, and there would be a guy with a, you know, a porn magazine on his desk, you know, flipping through it. And then Evan would joke with her and/or other women, but Evan joked about it and be like, hey, what do you think about this guy? That kind of treatment is sexual harassment. It's putting someone else in a very un— you know, uncomfortable, inappropriate position. And so sexual harassment is any of those type of things. That whole tape of Billy Bush and Trump on the bus, and they were talking about the P word, which I won't repeat, and they were talking about women and body parts and that kind of thing. And everyone, the media, a lot of the media kind of threw it out, and so did Trump. As locker room talk. Well, locker room talk with a bunch of men putting women in a very uncomfortable, I don't know what to do, I, you know, I'm feeling threatened type of position. Sure, they say it's not a crime unless it falls over into sexual assault, which sometimes it does. At the same time, it's just not appropriate. It's just not appropriate, and none of us should accept it in any way, shape, or form. So if you're questioning whether or not the jokes that, you know, men are making in front of you, um, the pinups, maybe they're making comments about you. There was a video of Matt Lauer that he didn't realize he was being recorded. This was going a number of years back when Meredith Vieira was on his show, and the video basically has her must have been leaning over to get something, and he kind of commented about how pretty her blouse was and to stay bent over because it's a, you know, it's nice to look at type of thing. And you could even see on his face that he wasn't joking. It was very, it was very serious. I mean, he was being serious about it. So any of those situations, um, you might deem, or they would deem, as sexual harassment. And we'll talk about what you could be doing about that next. Now, sexual assault— I'm going to read this directly because again, I'm not a lawyer, but I want to get it right for you. Sexual assault: any type of sexual contact or behavior that, that occurs without explicit consent. Now, for someone like yourself, like myself, I kind of looked at that and said, okay, what are the key words here? Well, obviously contact, behavior, and then explicit. I mean, unless you say, unless you welcome it, but even these women who you know, might have welcomed— been welcomed into someone's hotel room or to their private home or whatever the case might be, and yet it escalated into a situation that they are not explicitly consenting to. Well, they explain that sexual assault— define sexual assault as inappropriate touching, rape, fondling, or even attempted rape. Falls under sexual assault. So it's just, again, it's something to think about and consider whether or not that any of that is being, you know, put upon you or, and/or someone you might know. So what can you do about it? Because again, I'm not going to repeat the whole show we had a couple weeks ago, but what can you do about it? Well, find an advocate, find a rape crisis Go to a doctor, find an expert, maybe a counselor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, someone that you trust that you can discuss it with. Go to HR, as I did multiple times, you know, kind of find that confidant. Maybe you have a mentor or sponsor within your organization that you are close to and you're able and you trust that you can go to that person and they'd actually listen and appreciate you coming forward, and then you can kind of figure out what to do next. But whatever you do— and we'll close it out on this— whatever you do is you've already been a victim of sorts. Even with that sexual harassment, uh, you're put in an uncomfortable situation, you're already one. Don't be a victim by keeping it and holding it in and not holding that individual accountable. Make sure that you are addressing it. And I'm— one thing I am glad about everything that is going on is it is creating an environment where women feel more comfortable, feel more protected, um, about coming forward and acknowledging it and reporting it and making sure the person is held accountable. And when it comes to like retaliation that women are fearful of, or not getting ahead. There's all kinds of laws and protections for you that kind of prevent kind of any retaliation from happening or being legally happening to you. So that's all we'll talk about right now. Go back and listen to our previous episode. The whole hour was devoted to the #MeToo epidemic. And then at the same time, do research like I did. I just simply went out and kind of pulled various definitions to kind of see the consistency, to make sure that, you know, I was appropriate in the understanding that I had in regards to it. All right, all right, let me see, let me see. We'll transition into our next question, and we'll get one more question before we take another break. About how to effectively ask for a promotion. And I found it interesting that that's the word that they used. It wasn't just about how do I ask for a promotion, it was how do I effectively ask for a promotion. So there's two kudos I wanna throw out to this individual. One is the fact that you're going to be asking. That's huge and I applaud you and, you know, great job in even wanting to go and, and ask, because unfortunately, um, the majority of women do not, even though there's statistics that say yes, 39% of women ask for promotions or raises, and that's even against the 36% of men doing it. Um, so, and I'll touch on a little bit, you know, um, about that as we get into this question, but Kudos for asking, because that still leaves 61% of you that are not asking, and we need to get that number down. We need to, you know, take it from 60, and I'll take— I'll take 50, and then I'll take 40%, and then we can work it down to where all of you are finding it within yourself to ask for what you deserve and you've earned. All right, so let me touch on Oh, and then the second kudo I want to throw out— sorry about that— was wanting to and reaching out for advisement on the effective aspect of asking for a promotion. Because most people walk in very unprepared, and when they don't get it, or they don't get exactly what it is that they want, they then kind of throw the blame back on the boss or the company. And so the effective word in this question was was very appropriate because there is an effective way of doing it versus just kind of by the seat of your pants. Alright, so let me give you some of the details that I talked about that I wanted to drill into a bit further. If you follow leanin.org, that's— oh my gosh, her name just went right out of my mind. Oh boy. Alright, the Facebook COO, and I'll come up with it by the time I'm done. Lean In. And then she's partnered with McKinsey and Company to do studies on a yearly basis, and the 2016 report was their second annual, so it's only been for a couple of years. But they look at and they poll tens of thousands of women and ask a lot of different questions about kind of women's, you know, approach to their career and to their business. So what they did find, I'm going to repeat that first statistic, is that 39% of women do ask. Which is fabulous, versus even 36% of men. Where it falls off the cliff is that only, um, or not— yeah, only 30%. 30% report that of women report back that they did not get that promotion or they did not get that raise, versus 23% of men don't get what they ask for. So even though there's more women asking— uh, unbelievable— there's more women asking, and yet less of them are getting what they want. Now, what really kind of irked me when I read this was, of that 30% that didn't get what they wanted, that the reasoning was due to negative performance feedback. Now, that could be very true. Negative performance feedback. I want you to remember that because that kind of ties back to this effective way of asking for a promotion. So the negative feedback, ladies, and you've heard these words before, so don't be surprised, is bossy, aggressive, and intimidating. That's often that negative feedback that someone's receiving. Well, first off, what I want to say in regards to that is F them, pure and simple. Ignore those 3 words. Ignore the whole negative feedback thing. We're going to— as long as women are standing up and having a voice and they're going about things that, you know, as confidently and assertively as men are, they're still going to have these unconscious biases or blatant biases that automatically assume that someone that asks, or a woman that asks is bossy or is intimidating because of her confidence and her, you know, determination. And then aggressive, of course, a lot of people don't know the difference between aggressive and assertive, and so it's easy to tag aggressive as a label to women when they're asking and doing and going after what it is that they want. But I want you to put all of that stuff aside because you have to learn how to deal with you know, the haters, and not even the haters, just purely the ignorant people, the ones that are, you know, have these biases, unconscious or not, that they just hang on to. All right, so let's put those things aside and let's just address the effective request for a promotion. Now, I'm gonna sound like I'm gonna contradict myself here for a bit, 'cause I told you to put those things aside, but what I do want you to always remember is you have to recognize the perceptions out there that we— that men and other women have of women who step up and ask for something, especially when they do it effectively and they do it with a lot of evidence to support the request. All right, so you first need to be able to recognize those perceptions Know that they're out there, just don't let them prevent you or stop you from asking. Just make sure that you know that those things are there. Now, the reason why I ask you to do that is because if you know— and actually, there's an episode that I did about 3 or 4 months ago, and I'm just remembering it, so I'll put it back up kind of more frequent, more recent. Um, I did an episode about the fact that there, you know, this radio show that I was on, um, where the radio host attacked Hillary, uh, for being bossy, aggressive, intimidating. And then when looking at Trump, it was a total contrast. Oh, that's leadership. His, his bullying is leadership. It's him knowing what he would want. I'm not going to get into all that. Go back and look for that episode, uh, and/or I will kind of raise it up in the recency of it so you can find it out on our Shedding the Bitch radio page. So, okay, so recognize those perceptions exist. Know that people are looking at you, even the person sitting next to you, across the cubicle, or in the other office, and their own bitches, as we call them here, their own insecurities, their own doubts about themselves, their own lack of self-worth, are going to look at you as being someone who's stepping up and asking for what they want and they deserve, they're going to look at you in a hate type of way. It could be a mild, mild jealousy, envy, or it could be a very, you know, um, very strong hate. Again, ignoring that because you know that those people are going to exist. I mean, social media is evident of that. So, but knowing that you need to then build a case around it, and that's really what this effective request really means, is you can't just go and ask for, for something. You really need to ensure that you're going to do it effectively, and to do it effectively, you have to build a case for why you deserve that promotion and/or a raise or anything else. So I suggest to my clients And I do it for myself, mind you, even on my own. I don't report to anyone, although I could report to the few investors that I have and the few advisors that I work with, and even my coach certainly holds me accountable. But what I do advise those that do have bosses that they report to and they do have HR that they have to go to to kind of request something is keep an account all year round of your performance— good, bad, or indifferent. Just keep an account. Get a little book, whatever, however you operate. I keep journals, as you all know, and just notate throughout the year your performance. If you have accomplished something, if you were assigned to a big project, if you got into a situation that, you know, didn't favor you too well, make note of everything and anything. If you've completed a project If you went and got, you know, kind of recommendations or testimonies regarding your performance, just keep a record all year round because what happens is a lot of times people, even when they have to sit down and do their performance reviews or when bosses have to sit down and evaluate who's going to get that next promotion, they often forget because it's not about them, it's about someone else. And so they certainly remember their own ups and downs but When it comes to yours, unless you're touting yourself and you're keeping account of your own performance, will your boss or anyone else for that matter really be tracking it effectively? Alright, so first, keep an account of your performance and make note of the history of your performance throughout the year. Because this is what's gonna happen. So you go in, you ask for that promotion, and they make comments, this negative performance type of comments. Well, you need to be able to challenge that. You need to be able to, you know, request, require exact feedback, facts, situations, the people that they're referring to, the event or experience or situation that created that negative performance. You need to make sure that whoever's saying this to you can justify and prove— you don't have to prove, it's not your place to have to prove it because they're the ones raising it up. And you would hope that they raised it up when the situation happened or when someone made a comment about someone's, you know, aggressiveness or bossiness or intimidation. Then they should have come to you and addressed that with you, and then they would have been fresh in that memory. Well, too bad if they're not fresh in that memory. Don't allow someone to evaluate you, to assess you, to judge you without being able to defend it with facts, with figures, with dates, with people, with the situation. Alright, so that's why you want to also maintain this account, good, bad, or indifferent. If a bad situation happened, maybe you got into an argument with a client, or you you know, got into a disagreement and a confrontation with a, with a boss. You need to make note of the situation, the outcome of that, and any next steps or any kind of follow-through that you did around it. And then when I say effective business cases, I mean put together a business case. If you're asking for a promotion, you need to justify that. So what in your experience, in your performance, in your years of advancement. What justifies and what accounts for you being able to have this promotion? Now, it doesn't mean you have to be 100% for that promotion, and ladies, we won't go into all that, but you know, you need to realize that men are asking when they're 30 or 40% ready. Women wait until they're 70, 80, 90% ready. So I'm not saying you want to make sure you're 100% ready for that promotion. No. What in your experience, what are the accomplishments you've had, what are the results that you've generated, what are the testimonies people have given about you, what has been your performance feedback in the past? Build a case as to why you are the best person for that promotion and present it just like you would if you were going into a client meeting or you were going into a internal, internal review, business review with the bosses. You will need to kind of build a case for why you want that, and that definitely is what makes an effective request for a promotion, because then there's really not a lot of argument there. And, and what you would hope that they're doing is kind of bouncing multiple business cases of the people that have requested or want or they're planning to promote and put into a different position. So build that case, and again, when you're tracking it all year long, you can actually be building that case. The actual, you know, results that you got, not just saying that you improved revenue or you brought on more clients or you mitigated or saved, you know, costs and expense. How much? How many clients? What did they say about you? That kind of thing. You want to gather feedback regularly, and what I mean by that is throughout that year, if you have closed out a project or maybe a client account or a sale, then go back and get kind of an assessment of how— what you contributed to it, how you performed, what worked, what didn't work. And make sure that, you know, all along you are gathering feedback from your boss. So, you know, after a big business meeting, maybe afterwards you immediately say, "So what do you think?" You know, "What did I do well? What could I be doing differently? What should I stop doing? What could I continue to be doing? What should I, you know, start doing?" And get that feedback on a regular basis that both helps to make you better and then also kind of builds that case for you. All right, all around being— making you prepared for that effective request for a promotion. Tout your performance. Ladies, we talk about it and we call it honor your riches. You know, men don't hesitate to kind of boast about themselves, and I'll use the word boast, but I don't want you to think about that negatively. There's nothing wrong with you kind of, you know, ensuring that your team knows the role that you've played and they played in making a project successful or a client account successful or whatever the case might be. There's nothing wrong with you, you know, going to your boss and kind of making sure he or she is well aware of the role that you played in whatever the situation might be. You have to learn to be able to tout yourself and your accomplishments, what we call honor your riches, in an effective way that ensures that people recognize your role. Alright, proactively seek out your mentors and sponsors. Obviously that would make requests for promotions and raises and anything else so much easier. Especially, and we won't go into the difference between a mentor and a sponsor, but those sponsors are those people that when they talk about you, basically this is what it is, they talk about you when you're not in the room. And when I say talk about you, that is a compliment. They're talking and making sure people are aware of you and your performance and your ability to contribute when you're not even in the room. And those are the type of people that make all of this so much easier. Although you always want to build a case, because you even want to be building a case and touting your experience and your accomplishments, even with your sponsor. So, it kind of all goes hand in hand. And then, you know, as you're in the request and you're making your case, and there's any type of apprehension or any type of disagreement, you know, ask for clarity, ask for explanation, ask for, you know, just their justification for whatever it is that they're telling you. And should you be overlooked for that promotion, should you be overlooked for that raise, whatever the case might be, go back and say, okay, so what could I have done differently, or what should I be doing differently, or what could I be just doing in order to get this promotion, you know, within the next 6 months or whenever, you know, is reasonable. Just don't take it on face value that no is no. Just really want to understand kind of how, why, where, when, you know, the outcome could be different the next time. All right, but once you start really thinking about how to effectively build— not build cases, but request promotions, request raises, to take on a sponsor and look for, you know, mentors in your circle, so to speak. It's all about you not just simply assuming you deserve it or expecting that you've earned it. You're building a case and you're able to support it with a lot of clarity, a lot of focus, a lot of facts and figures, a lot of testimonies and recommendations and, uh, the like. All right, I hope that helped, um, for how to effectively ask for promotions. Now when we get back, we're going to take a short break. This leads into— because people think, oh, it's fourth quarter, it's December of the fourth quarter, it's year-end, it's holidays, people are distracted— but this will lend into also what we're going to talk about as far as if you were to get laid off, as our our person did, the Monday after Thanksgiving, and she wants to understand why that is, that they always wait till the Monday after Thanksgiving. You know, she's throwing up her hands thinking, "Oh well, it's December 5th and there's not much I'm gonna be able to do before the end of the year." Eh, not so fast, not so fast. We'll get into all that when we get back. Alright, so our next question, as I mentioned before we went on break, This kind of is a good segue into it. Different scenario from one of our listeners, but that whole question of it being even the holiday season, you know, do I have the right to ask for a promotion or a raise? But in this case, it's really about an individual who's been laid off. Now, raise your hand if you are a boss and you've had to let people go that lovely Monday after a long Thanksgiving weekend? I'm raising my hand up high because I've had to do that my entire career, and so therefore I'll give you an idea and give you kind of some insights as to what bosses and leaders are thinking about when they, they do that. It feels really ugly, I know. Now raise your hand if you've been laid off like this individual, if you've been laid off that lovely Monday after Thanksgiving, and I'm gonna raise my hand to that too, uh, because on, uh, November 7th, 8th, something like that, of 2008— no, 2007, uh, the Monday after Thanksgiving, I too was— sure, I'll call it laid off. It was more like fired, but I'll call it laid off. So this individual wants to know kind of what do I do. It's, you know, now it's even December 5th It's the holiday, it's the last month of the year, so forth and so on. What options does she have? And what is going on? Why do businesses wait until that lovely Monday right before the holidays when everybody wants to spend money and kind of have a great holiday? Why do they wait to do that? Well, don't take it personally. I know that's hard. That's hard to take in when it's you being let go. Don't take it personally. What I mean by that is it purely comes down to money. That Monday, it's kind of getting the books as clean and as consolidated as possible before year-end results. It's really, you know, the opportunity for them to streamline what their expense structure looks like before the end of the year and as they go into the new year. So it's really just you know, monies. You know, their budgets get slashed, their budgets get reorganized. What they had this year doesn't look the same as what they need to have come January 1st, and therefore those type of decisions are always made. If you, if you think about it, especially if you are in corporate and you've been there a while and you've been maybe with the same company for a while, the fourth quarter, let you know, including the November-December time period is also when major restructures are done. So it's just a matter of economics. So yes, you are going to take it personally because it's you that's affected, affected, but recognize that it's really, you know, about money unless you are let go or fired for your own performance issues. But in this case, that isn't the case. So just know that what's going on in, in bosses' heads is actually other bosses coming down on them saying, I need you to cut 10%, or I need you to restructure, or whatever the case might be. And it's a matter of numbers, plain and simple. And that doesn't make you feel better, but it's the way it is. Now, what can you do about it because it's December 5th? A lot. A lot, a lot, because now I'm gonna kind of flip on what I just said. For many companies as well, it is a matter of consolidation, it's a matter of restructuring, it's a matter of cutting costs. At the same time, it's not for all companies. For all companies that do that, it might also be because they wanna, they wanna move that money into other areas of their business. So one is even with the company that you're with, Unless you're flat out fired and asked not to ever come back again, you might even be able to find another job within the company, and it's a matter of asking, you know, am I able to move into another division or another department who might have dollars, who might even get more dollars because of the changes that they're making. Other companies are certainly going to be hiring. The other thing about November-December time period is as they are doing those cost cuts and restructuring and planning for the next year, they're also seeing where their gaps are, where their holes are for people. So don't assume that because it's December you're not going to be able to find a job because the other case is some— a lot of companies actually, you either spend the budget or you lose it. So if they're making these changes and they have budget left over, or even before they made the changes, they still had monies left over, they need to spend it before the end of the year. Or, you know, the leaders assume that they don't need that money to operate because they were able to operate all year round without it, and therefore a lot of managers are told, "Use it or lose it." And so Don't assume that companies are just shutting down and closing out for the year. They want to be making hiring decisions and buying decisions in the month of December to make sure, one, they've spent the money and they are using monies that they know they're going to need. More also, that they want to be staffed properly come January 1st. Now, could they be, you know, staffed properly on January 15th or February 15th? Sure. But the smart companies are also looking at the fact that that year starts ticking and those results have to start ticking come January 1st at 12:01. So don't think that December is just everybody shuts down. Now, do, you know, decision makers, do they shut down at a certain point? Absolutely. But I'll tell you what, the one thing, if anything, I learned from corporate is you have the powers to be, especially when it comes to closing deals. You have the powers to be working 24/7 to get deals closed and to get paperwork submitted and to get a lot of things done all the way up until that last minute of the year. So, you know, ask questions, don't make assumptions is what I'll tell you to do. So what else could you be doing? Knowing that, well, you could be submitting resumes and reaching out and, and applying for jobs. You could be going on to LinkedIn and updating your profile and making sure that it says rich and, and specific to what it is that you're looking for. You could be doing research on LinkedIn. They've made it tremendously beneficial for you to do research on the type of companies that you're going to want to work with and and the type of jobs and roles that those companies specifically have. And then you can even track down who the hiring managers are, who the direct report manager is, and you could be reaching out and building your network and, and doing a lot of networking right there online. December is a great month because of the kind of the quieting down of business. It's a great month to really get your act together. Make sure your resume is up to date. Make sure you're, like I said, your LinkedIn profile is up to date. Make sure you're out on, you know, hiring, Indeed.com type of sites. Search for a recruiter, you know, if you're at a certain level and there's executive recruiters out there, there's technical labor recruiters out there, you could be doing a lot of things right now, and you could be finding work right now. Let me see what else I put on here just so I don't, um— oh, this is also a great time of year, especially if you were just laid off recently, which the Monday after Thanksgiving was recent. This is also a good time for you because you probably didn't take any time to do it, uh, for to reach out to people that could be writing you recommendations and testimonials. That can be right there on LinkedIn and do the research as to how to go about doing that. But you could be also enriching your resume and your profile and your business case. Go back and listen to the other conversation that we had on the question around how to build an effective request for a promotion or a raise, or in this case for this person, a request for her job. Again, you want to be effective in how you go about pursuing a job. And maybe we'll do that at another time. I'll kind of give you some insights on what makes a really great applicant and what a hiring manager is looking for. And not only in kind of the, the person, but also how they present themselves and how they submitted their application and what was stated in that. And, you know, what differentiators did they create for themselves themselves apart from just the basic, um, I'm looking for a job type of, um, application. All right, so those are some things that you could be doing, uh, despite being laid off. And I'll wish you well and hope that you, uh, have a kind of quick turnaround. The economy is great. There are some, you know, there are a lot of competitive industries and companies right now. But based on your skill set, based on what type of role and job you're looking for, there may be competition, there may not be, and even when there is, you just need to create a differentiator for yourself and not hesitate going after anything that you want despite how heavily competitive it might be. Alright, so hopefully that helped, and happy holidays. It will all work out if you put your head down and you do the things that need to get done. All right. Okay, we have a few minutes still because I have still a handful of questions left. I want to address this how to overcome holiday blues question that I received. So basically the backstory was every time when it starts, you know, getting into Halloween even leading into Thanksgiving, this individual just starts getting very, very depressed. Even though they're involved, you know, they're, they're not married, but they're involved. Even though they have a large circle of friends, even though they have a loving family, from what I understand, she just feels her whole chemistry of her body just changes. Now, she didn't go into, and I didn't, and I won't assume that it's kind of a medical diagnosis of depression, but that is going to be something that I'm going to suggest that she look into just in case. So how do you kind of overcome the holiday blues? So I'm going to relate this and have her— I had her use and leverage our Shift to Riches Formula. And if you haven't learned of it before, you'll learn of it really quickly right now. But so what I suggested was to use the formula, and here's the formula: you discover, confront, and shed your bitches so you can create and accelerate the riches in life that you want and deserve. All right, so that's kind of high level. So what do I mean by that? Well, first, if someone said, like she said to me, I deal with the holiday blues, the first question I'm going to ask is why? What about it? What, you know, how do you define blues? And then what's causing it? So that's discover. Discover what it is and why it is and how it is and by whom it is, all about whatever angst or insecurity or blues that you're dealing with. Now, some of those things are going to be easy to address and to confront. Others won't be. But that's the next phase, is you have to confront whatever it is that you've discovered about yourself. Excuse me. Um, this individual might have discovered that something in her childhood during the holidays. Maybe she had a loss of a friend or a pet or a family member or a parent, or maybe she didn't get what she wanted for, for Christmas one year, or maybe an incident happened in some way, shape, or form that kind of put a black cloud over the holidays, and then she just carried that along with her. Now, I don't know the answer to— for this particular person, um, yet. I will, I'm assuming, at some point. But at the same time, you know, I'm just kind of giving you some ideas and examples. But you have to discover and confront those things, and then you have to make the decision as to whether or not you like living in this blue state, or do you want it to be sunny and bright? And if so, then what are you willing to do to then shed it? So what are those options and ideas and solutions that you can come up with. And maybe it's not everything that you've just discovered and confronted. Maybe you just pick, you know, what is the most important, or maybe even the easiest, and then you just find ways that you can start working to shed those things. Now, as you're going through this process, this healing process, uh, what I call shedding process, you're gonna realize that, oh my gosh, I'm changing, I'm shifting, I'm feeling better. And now you want to start creating an accelerating. You want to create new things and accelerate the results that you're getting as a, you know, as a result of you really becoming self-aware as to maybe why you're dealing with holiday blues. Now, on the other extreme, if it is a medical, chemical, um, situation, and that's why I proposed to her that maybe she had that looked at, and I would say the same to you, then, you know, there is an option to get that looked at and diagnosed and There's things I won't touch on, but there's things that I'm sure your doctor can then recommend to make the, you know, your, your blues a little easier to, to handle and manage effectively. All right, yet there's some other things you, you kind of want to look at. Um, who can you go to? Who can you confide in? And if it's not you in a journal, for instance, because I tout that all the time, that As you're going through this Discover, Confront, and Shed phase, you know, write it, document it, put it in black and white and let it kind of dissipate because you're now owning it. And then as you're creating and accelerating, you could be writing about what those new wants and desires are and what your feelings and emotions are and how, you know, how this experience is affecting you, positively or negatively. So those are things as well. Find someone you trust. If it is a counselor or therapist, a doctor, a friend, whatever the case might be, kind of the minute you start releasing it and it doesn't have such a hold on you, then you might find that you're learning to, you know, allow it to dissipate and shed away from you. Other things you could do is, and you know I've talked about this in the past, is fake it until you feel it. I usually say fake it until you make it, but in this situation, fake it until you feel it. When I am depressed— I never get depressed— but when I am distressed or I am feeling a little sad or I just, you know, just feel stuck, what I will do is I will actually, you know, turn on good music or go to the gym and, and, or watch a great movie that will make me laugh. Things that really kind of are false feelings at first, but then they turn real. Does that make sense? So fake it until you feel it, if that's, if that's, you know, important to you. And eventually you might find yourself shifting. Go out and do something nice. Keep a journal of your gratitude, you know, pay forward, and you will find that you're— that is helping your whole mood and and attitude want to change. So when it comes to closing out 2017, it really is asking yourself a whole bunch of questions. And I'm gonna suggest that you do that, the first— you do that with a journal in front of you. You don't do it just thinking in your head. Actually get a journal and just start asking yourself a bunch of questions. What worked about this year? What did you love about this year? What was disappointing or straining about the year. What did you set out to do? And then kind of measure it. Did you do it? Did you accomplish it? What held you back if you didn't? What did you choose to do differently? Maybe something came in and totally switched up your priority and therefore, you know, you couldn't achieve. And I have a number of those this year when it comes to my writing and my screenplays. Play and whatnot. So just ask yourself a lot of questions. What are you going to do differently next year? You know, what new experiences did you have this year? Rate it, you know, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your year of 2017? I put themes to my year, and actually I was talking to Joan, you know Joan, my longtime mentor and coach, and I was talking to her that I was struggling last week, putting a theme to my year. And usually it comes very easily, but I'll tell you what, man, I, I woke up and it was, you know, December 5th, and it felt like yesterday was, uh, January 1st. So hopefully before the year closes, um, I will have been able to create a theme, because I like to assign a theme. Then I can always kind of remember and go back to that year based on that theme. So Those are some things that you could do to assess 2017. Then you look at that and you evaluate and you kind of consider what jumps out at you as it pertains to then what do you want to do in 2018. So, what are your goals? And these are questions you're asking and writing in your journal and then answering. What are your goals? What do you dream about? What did you not do this year you want to make sure you get done? What do you want different this year in your life than maybe you have right now at this moment, or maybe from, you know, the year? You know, what will you be like? Like, what do you want to be 12 months from now? You know, do you want to be married? Do you want to have a great job? Do you want to have been, you know, moved to another city, state, or even country? Do you want, you know, your white picket fence with a husband or a mate, partner, spouse, and children and a dog? What, you know, what does your life look like 12 months from now? Are all ways that you could be really planning and thinking about and solidifying your rich plan, as we call it here, for 2018. But like I said, we're gonna have a whole episode of this talking about this leading into the new year. So stay tuned for that. I'll leave it at that for now, and I'll just thank everybody for being here on our Ask Bernadette, last Ask Bernadette of 2017. And I know for me, I'm going to be looking forward to having you even more and more and more in my life in the new year, and I appreciate everything that you've given me. This past 11 and a half months. But we have time to talk before the new year is brought in, so we'll do that then. So everybody, have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful holiday, have a great next week. We'll be right back next Tuesday at noon Eastern time with another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everyone!