Toxic Bosses Kill Teams and Businesses

Have you ever witnessed or been affected by a toxic boss in the workplace? Do you find it challenging to identify toxic behaviors in yourself or in others? And how do you handle a toxic individual and what impact do they have on the team, the business, and even themselves? There was a time, long time ago, when many would've called me a toxic boss. I wasn't a leader. That would be a contradiction. True leaders don't pull down the optimism, the hope, the dreams, the joy, the self-worth, and the capability of the people around them. They just don't. There's no such thing as a toxic leader. If you're saying to yourself, well, yeah, there is. I work with one. I work for one. I encounter one on a regular basis. No, they are managers in so-called leadership titles and positions of a hierarchy, they are not leaders. True leaders don't have the qualities and traits that toxic bosses do. So let's talk about it. Let's talk about what does a toxic individual look like? How do they behave? What are their traits and qualities? And then what is the impact that they are having on the performance, the morale, and even the business results? And then how do you handle that? What actions can you take to ensure that it's addressed before they can do any further damage? Now, a special message to the HR leaders, hiring managers, and decision makers out there. If there is an individual on your team, no matter what level of the organization, that shows any, uh, signs of being a toxic individual, then please get them the coaching, the support, and the critical feedback that they need and deserve before it's too late, before there is further damage to the people of your organization, to the processes of the organization, and to the organization as a whole. All right. So stay with us as we get into this conversation about toxic bosses.

Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms today's managers into tomorrow's powerhouse leaders. Your host Bernadette Boas, executive coach and author, brings you into a world where the corporate grind meets personal growth and success in each and every episode. With more than 25 years in corporate trenches, Bernadette's own journey from being dismissed as a tyrant boss to becoming a sought-after leadership coach and speaker illustrates the very essence of transformation that she now inspires in others with her tips, strategies, and stories. So if you're ready to shed the bitches of fear and insecurity, ditch the imposter syndrome, and step into the role of the powerhouse leader you were born to be, this podcast is for you. Let's do this.

As I mentioned in the opening, there was a period of time in my corporate career for a long time that I absolutely deserved the description of toxic boss, tyrant, bully boss, bitch, because of the traits and qualities we're gonna talk about. And it wasn't until I was let go by my mentor of 12 years from my 25-year corporate career, and I decided that I needed to do some very deep, very raw, very honest self-reflection to figure out what were those traits and qualities that sent me down this path of being a toxic boss. And I don't want anyone else experiencing that either as the toxic boss and the outcome that may come with that, or the individuals that are impacted, or even those that witness toxic behavior, 'cause no one deserves it. No one wants it. And no one wants to spend as many hours as we do in the workplace having to deal with that type of behavior. And what I will say right up front too is it is critical that the moment you, as a professional, let alone if you are an influential leader, to address it with that individual proactively and as quickly as possible, giving them the tools and the support and the coaching and the critical feedback that they need. So they can make changes. Because if there was one thing that I walked away with very disgruntled about, I definitely felt that I deserved what happened. At the same time, I wasn't given the direct, honest, brutal feedback that would allow me to take a hard look at myself and make the changes that were needed. So let's avoid that, shall we? And use this list that I'm going to give you of the qualities and traits and behaviors of a toxic individual to start assessing yourself and then assessing others. And if there's any signs that are close to looking like toxicity in any way, shape, or form, then make a commitment to get it confronted and get it addressed. As soon as possible. Your team will benefit from it. The business will benefit from it, and you will benefit from it. All right. In no particular order. So the first one would be self-centeredness. Sounds simple, right? Somebody who is extremely singularly focused on their own goals and objectives, on their own success, on their own achievement, on their own pursuit. And not concerned and not engaging and not bringing into the fold the people that are actually going to make them successful. And that's what people managers really need to understand is, yes, people are your number one asset. You need to do whatever you can to give them the tools and the support and the trust that is needed for them to maximize their potential. Because if they maximize their potential, you're gonna maximize your output. And in some instances, even from clients that I've worked with over the years, I would even go to the extreme of saying narcissistic. So there could be a range, someone who's just simply self-centered all the way to someone who is narcissistic. And again, you start looking at those behaviors, looking at those impacts that they're having, and you definitely want to put a stop to it and make, make the changes necessary in order to prevent any damage or destruction as a result of it. So self-centeredness. The other one would be as a result of self-centeredness, they tend to keep everything close to the chest. They don't share, they don't include, they don't trust. And we'll talk about that in a minute to the point where they share the vision that they have, feeling as if, if they share it, someone else will take it. And/or someone will even use it against them. So they don't necessarily have a vision defined, let alone sharing that vision. The third one would be those individuals that have emotional outbursts, and they could be to where they're just angry or curt or defensive or demeaning or destructive in any way. Or they could be to where they're, you know, actually, you know, lashing out like a little child and going on a rampage about something that they want, something they feel they deserve. I could share stories endlessly about my own behavior, and you can always reach out to me directly to hear those stories. But emotional outbursts are definitely something you want to be confronting immediately and getting them addressed. At the same time, I wanna plug this in. At the same time, any of these traits and qualities have meaning behind them. There's a purpose for them. There's a reason that they are happening. That's what shedding the corporate bitch is all about. Bitches in our world are your fears, insecurities, doubts, and negativities that cause someone to lash out or to behave in a certain way that is often more destructive than it is positive. And finding those things so that you can shed them and, you know, kind of shift into more of a powerhouse rich mindset than a fearful mindset. So when it comes to the emotional outburst, also, as if you have to address them, try to kind of get under the covers and figure out where are they coming from? Why are they happening? And it's not because of someone else. It's not, you know, all of a sudden they're blaming, and that's the next one that I wanna talk about is they're shifting blame to others. Forget about just the fact that something wasn't done on time or something, you know, bad happened or something failed in the, in the work. If you find someone who can never take accountability for their own behavior, for their own actions, for their own words, that is a huge red flag that you have a toxic individual that you absolutely need to get support for, you know, have them make adjustments and shifts. Now, the next one is, again, in itself can be misleading as toxic. Yet if it's compounded with these others traits and qualities, then you're definitely moving closer and closer into, a toxic individual. At the same time, it is a misunderstood and mislabeled trait and quality of someone very often in the work that I do as an executive leadership coach and trainer, to the point where in the coming weeks, and you know, we're gonna have a whole episode solely focused on it. So be sure to subscribe or follow, uh, the podcast wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube. So you're made aware of when that episode would be coming out, but it's all around micromanaging. Now micromanaging can be misconstrued as just poor time management, poor productivity, discipline, so forth and so on. But where it really moves closer to a toxic individual is when it is a complete kind of degradation of trust. When it's a complete control issue to where they're almost— an individual is almost choking their people with the control that they want to have in any and everything that they're doing in their work, in their work environment. You know, whether that's the time they show up at work, the way they're doing a task, The task that they're doing, whether it's, you know, who they're talking to or why they're talking to a particular person. It's every element in every aspect. They just feel as if they have to, you know, have complete visibility and control and influence on something in order to remember self-centeredness. They're solely focused on their, you know, goals and achievement. To, you know, and they want that control to ensure of their own success and their own destiny and fate. And it, they're, they don't trust handing that over to other people. And where the destruction comes in is not only in trust, but it also comes in where they're not giving opportunities. They're not challenging. They're not making individuals feel valued and purposed, purposeful. And they're not, you know, stretching them with, you know, new work and new challenges and opportunities. And so the team members, the individuals are just feeling just beat up, you know, unvalued, un, you know, unappreciated. And it takes a major toll mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually on those individuals while the toxic individual is so self-centered and in, like we talked about, could be on the, you know, on the spectrum of narcissistic that they don't even see it. Which brings me to, there's a complete lack of empathy in toxic individuals. They don't see the impact that they're having on those around them. They don't care. That was what I was guilty of. I didn't care if I bothered someone on the weekends or I made them, you know, work late, or I made them miss an engagement because the work had to get done. I didn't care that they had problems at home that then were causing them issues in the workplace. If you find someone with a, you know, so self-centered, lack of empathy, these emotional outbursts, shift blaming. Then you're definitely being confronted by someone who is a toxic individual. You definitely wanna put a stop to it. So the micromanaging can be confusing for a lot of individuals that come to me saying, oh, this individual's, you know, a micromanager. And when I meet with them or talk with them or engage with them, what I learn is no, they just have really poor time management skills or productivity skills. And they just don't trust themselves, not necessarily other people around them. And on the next point, they're not the best communicators. They're poor communicators. And therefore, that's where all of a sudden it starts creating this idea of that this individual is toxic. When with a few tweaks, a few changes, a few practices, disciplines, routines, they can, you know, easily shift that. So that's where you wanna be careful. So poor communication is one of those things as well. Someone who's a poor communicator isn't necessarily toxic. So poor communication when it comes to a toxic person is the words they use, the actions, the tone, the, the posturing. Um, it also comes in, in the, um, form of lack of detail, lack of specifics, lack of instruction. Lack of support, lack of coaching, lack of motivation, lack of inspiration, lack of development. Those are when, you know, added on top of a number of these other things, not even all of them, but a number of these other things is definitely red flags should be going off that you have a toxic individual. When you're hearing from people that you're not being told, you know, what the expectations are. You're not being given detailed instructions. So every time you take something back to this individual, they're not happy with it. And they're, and then they grab it and say, I'm gonna do it myself. If, you know, to get it done right, I'm gonna have to do it myself. That's when, you know, alarms should be going off for hiring managers, HR managers, and for those employees that are being impacted by it. You, we're gonna talk about some remedies for you, but you're, you're gonna need to address them. Okay? Because again, a toxic individual is so self-centered, is so solely focused on, you know, the, the goals and the achievements that they have in mind. They're not very self-aware and they're not in tune with the impact that they're having on other people. And in some cases, they don't care. They don't care about the impact. So how do you shake them out of that? And we'll talk about that in a few minutes. So a few others I wanna mention is favoritism, is having unrealistic expectations. So this could be a perfectionist, and perfectionism can often drive toxic behavior, but not solely on its own. So you ha— again, you wanna be careful there, but between favoritism, unexpected expectations, lack of recognition, which can also go back to poor communication. Lack of empathy, and you know, on top of that manipulation. Now, this is not an area I was guilty of, but manipulation is, you know, using deceit, using, you know, half-truths, lying, just, you know, overall, you know, manipulating of other people's feelings, other people's behavior, other people's decisions. You know, that is definitely not a red flag. That's like coming into red, purple, black. Where, you know, all the alarms should be going off if you have someone and you find someone that is guilty of that. One that can be misconstrued as toxic, but isn't on its own, is if someone has inconsistent behavior. If someone is fired up and working particular behavior one day and then not the next, if they're delivering one day and not the next, if they're collaborating one day and they're not the next, if they're You know, supporting people and they're not the next, but if they're just inconsistently showing up and how they're showing up, then it, that should be kind of, okay, I need to pay, uh, closer attention here to see if any of these other traits and qualities can be layered on top of it and, and be creating, uh, a bigger issue than just inconsistent behavior on its own. Because again, I would say something like poor communication, micromanaging, and inconsistent behavior on their own, someone could identify that as an issue with someone and ask them about it, try to get under the covers and ask them about it. And you may find that it's something going on within themselves or within their world that's causing that in that period of time, in, you know, that, in that timeframe as opposed to consistent long-term behavior. So you, with all of these, you wanna be a little bit careful, but there's some that you definitely know someone self-centered, blame shifting, manipulating, that is toxic behavior without even, you know, needing to do a lot of assessment around it. Another one to throw in with poor communication, with inconsistent behavior or micromanaging. Is if someone is a poor listener, if someone just doesn't actively listen and pay attention, maybe they dismiss, maybe they talk over, uh, however it might be. Again, added on top and layered on top of some of these other behaviors, definitely going toward toxicity. On its own, they could just be, you know, poor listeners and poor communicators and need some tips and strategies and techniques. To work their way through them. Is there anyone in your sphere that you could be identifying right now that have 3 or more of these traits and qualities and behaviors? 5 more of these? 7? But 7? If so, then please get them the help and the support and the critical feedback that they need and they deserve so they can then get back into control in a positive way, uh, of to make the changes that they need to make. Now, I wanna touch on why you should care. If you are a middle manager, if you're an executive, if you're an HR leader, why should you care if someone is projecting toxic behavior? Well, one is you're then enabling and accepting and modeling to other people that that behavior is acceptable. And therefore, if someone else chooses to start projecting those same traits and qualities, or even a few of them, that's okay, because that's what you're telling them is that's okay. And so that is the last thing that a true leader wants to be conveying to the rest of the people within the organization. And silence, though, is acceptance. And if you remain silent, that's exactly what you're getting is acceptance. And that's what other people are seeing and believing, and therefore could be behaving. The other one would be, too, that it's extreme destruction on people's mental and physical and spiritual health, emotional health, on their stress level, on their engagement and collaboration and teaming with each other, on their productivity and their efficiency and their effectiveness. You know, every metric you're wanting as a leader to tick up, an individual with toxic behavior is ticking down. Now, you might say to yourself, because this is what I was told all the time, yes, but they're a massive contributor, they're a massive producer, they're a profit generator, they're a sales generator, and so I can look the other way when it comes to how they go about doing it. No, you can't. No, you can't. That's all I'm going to say. Because what you're not seeing is all of that degradation that I just mentioned. To the people around them, the people that have to engage with them, that have to take their lead, that have to so-called respect and look up to them and follow them. It's not gonna happen. And so that is why you should care as to whether or not you have a toxic individual on your team or in the business. And then of course, there's also fear of retaliation. From that individual to someone else. There's the fear of confronting that type of individual, and there is definitely a challenge in bringing a team together. Even if you're the boss of the toxic boss who has a team, you are gonna have a challenging time, even forget managing the toxic individual, but managing and inspiring and, you know, team building the people that work for them. Because again, remember, self-centeredness, control, manipulation, micromanaging. They have their people, their team in a container. And therefore you, even as senior leaders, are not going to be able to influence any sort of change. Say you, you're saying to yourself, well, I, I'll be the conduit of motivating them and morale and cheerleading them. Yeah, that's not going to happen. It's not going to happen because this individual is going to block every effort that you even attempt to make because you're, you're intruding on their space, on their control. And so that's why you should care. And why you should care ultimately is the fact that business is people. And people don't deserve to wake up every morning and go into an environment that causes them severe stress, that causes them to feel diminished, to feel unworthy, unvalued, unuseful. They don't deserve to give everything that they have, and you're not going to get it from them. And therefore, if you think, oh, well, they're producing, they're generating profit, they're, you know, that team is you know, still a massive generator for us. Just think of what they would be doing if they didn't have all that other drama on top of them. That's why you should care. So on top of the behavior, what should you look for in your business, on this team, and throughout the culture? What should you look for to kind of say, hmm, we might have an issue with an individual or a group of individuals that are causing this toxic environment? Well, the first thing, the easiest thing to look for is disgruntled employees, but then that often turns into high potential employees leaving. So high turnover, low retention, burnout, stress, workers' comp. Due to physical, mental challenges and issues. There would be a culture of fear, of retaliation, of insecurity, lack of confidence, lack of trust that, you know, they would— it would be a culture or a team culture of where people won't speak up, people won't give their opinions, people won't provide feedback. People won't be honest. So if you've ever had someone, you know, for an individual, do 360s, or for a group, do focus groups, like, you know, a manager effectiveness or employee effectiveness. So you do a, a survey and, you know, all you hear is, I'm not, I'm not giving my honest opinion. I don't even want my name or email address on that survey. Well, that should clue you in. To, to a toxic environment. Lastly, I want to provide you some remedies, and I want to break this down between two groups. One group being the employees, HR managers, hiring managers, you know, and other team leaders. And then the second group will be about the individual that might have been identified as a toxic employee. So first off, the employees, HR managers, and other leaders. A few things to, to do. One is documentation. If it is happening, make sure you're documenting it. And then at the same time, through that documentation, put together an approach, a conversation, a message, and confront that individual. Now we'll have a future episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch of exactly how to go about confronting Toxic Bosses, but just make note right now, document and then confront directly. And then even if you have to engage others, engage HR, engage the senior manager or the senior leader, but engage others to help you navigate this issue, this challenge that you're having to ensure your own protection. As well as that toxic individual. All right. Now, for the toxic individual, maybe through this conversation or through conversations or feedback or performance reviews that you've received, people are indicating that you have some of these traits and behaviors that are working against you, that are putting you in this, you know, bucket of a toxic boss. Well, one is you wanna seek out the observations, the feedback, the facts, as far as that type of information that's being passed back to you. Don't take it just on face value. Make sure that you really understand the scenarios, the examples, the illustrations, the experiences people are having with you. That'll hone in and make you much more aware of what exactly it is that they're trying to convey to you than just taking statements from someone about behavior that's not acceptable. All right. So seek out those observations, those, that feedback, those facts, those insights, illustrations, examples, and scenarios, and then request that you have a 360 assessment or some other assessment to be done. A 360 assessment would allow your employees, peers, and managers, and other, you know, third-party individuals that have great influence on, you know, the work that you do and vice versa, and seek their feedback and their observations and their examples. Of your leadership and your performance and your behavior and your actions and your words. Don't be afraid of feedback. It's, it's meant to provide you guidance and provide you opportunities for growth. And then formulate a leadership development training program for yourself. Lay out a plan of the key skills that others are saying that should you work on them and improve on them, let alone master them. Then it would completely shift this perception, this idea of, you know, what people have of you by gaining skills on empathy, emotional intelligence, communication, managing effectively, giving critical feedback, delegating, prioritizing, so forth and so on. So, you know, there's no reason for you not to, not lay out a plan. Of your own development, of which then you request support on. And then at the same time, find the bosses, coaches, mentors, advocates that can provide you accountability. Accountability to the fact that, you know, you're behaving in the, the way that your culture, your business, your leadership team expect of you and that you want of yourself for your team members. And so seek that accountability. Again, it's, it's for growth. It's for development to be held accountable, to be reminded of what the expectations are, what the goals are, or what the commitments that, that were made are. So don't hide from accountability. Walk into it. Because ultimately then, What would be looked at is, all right then, is this assignment that I have as a people manager, is this the right place for me? And you want to be controlling that decision more so than having the powers to be have— make that decision. Because not all individuals are meant to be managers, and not all managers are leaders. And so companies want leaders because leaders are people leaders. They know how to inspire and develop and grow individuals and then individuals as a collective team. And so if there's a misplacement of an individual who's not capable of really building and inspiring and creating a team and a culture that will work its way to success, then, you know, maybe someone's in the wrong job. And if you are not willing to make the changes and you're not willing to do the work and have that accountability and gain that feedback, then the decision makers will only be left with one or two other decisions where you don't want them to go. To that note, if you or someone you know has witnessed or is impacted by a toxic individual in the workplace, then don't hesitate to reach out and book a call with me for 30 minutes and let's have a conversation. Let's understand the situation. Let's give you some tips and tools and strategies for handling it as you move forward. So everyone within your organization could be high contributing, high high-functioning, high-powerhouse individuals for your company. All right. And then I will look forward to having you right back here for another episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Bye.

Thank you for tuning into today's episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Every journey taken together is another step towards unleashing the powerhouse leader within you. Don't miss any of our weekly episodes. Subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever wherever you love to listen. And for those who thrive on visual content, catch us on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel. Want to dive deeper with Bernadette on becoming a powerhouse leader? Visit balloffirecoaching.com to learn more about how she helps professionals, HR executives, and team leaders elevate overall team performance. You've been listening to Shedding the Corporate Bitch with Bernadette Boas.