Uncover Your Purpose by Discovering You with Bernadette Boas

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day, everyone. How are you? I hope you're having a glorious day or evening wherever you might be all around the world. It is an absolutely stunning day in Atlanta, Georgia. Maybe because of the fact that, woo-hoo, we're going to the Super Bowl, so the sun is out and it's kind of giving us a pat on the back and a nice little cheering section to get us all geared up and ready for the big showdown with the New England Patriots. And all I can say is we are going to kick there. But that's all I— that's all I'll say to that because I don't want to offend anybody out there from New England or New England fans. But we're coming for you. We are rising up in Atlanta, Georgia and coming for you. So I'm very excited. And like I said, it's a beautiful day. I'm kind of concerned because it's what, January 24th? And we have our trees blossoming already, which can't be a good thing because we know that we are going to get a blast of some kind before this is all said and done. And if you remember a couple of years ago, the Ice-Mageddon that we had here in Atlanta, where we all of a sudden got this vicious ice storm that pretty much took the city to its knees, because unlike the north or west— northwest, I guess— we don't have the equipment and the salt and even the labor force to prep for something like that, so it was quite an ordeal, and I just, I'm just nervous that all of a sudden we're going to get this major snap between now and maybe the end of March and kill off all these trees that are already blooming, but it is, it's a beautiful day, and I am really excited about today's program because it is the third week of January, And why I decided to have this conversation about discovering you is simply because I continue to read very sobering statistics about New Year's resolutions, goal setting, achievements, and more so abandonments. And what I mean by that is statisticsbrain.com they do statistics on basically anything and everything. They, you know, report each year regarding New Year's resolutions. And they reported that sadly only 42% of individuals even make resolutions. A good majority of them never even, you know, take the time to make a resolution and a goal. Now, I will preface this by saying Some people look at resolutions and goals differently. At the same time, it kind of tells me, especially as a business consultant and coach, it kind of tells me that if they don't focus on New Year's resolutions, they probably don't focus on goals, merely because anyone who does set goals and are really focused on executing against them and achieving them, they pretty much keep that practice all year long, and the new year provides a great opportunity to kind of do a reset and a refresh on those goals. So that was kind of very sobering, but more so the fact that 40% of individuals who even set goals or resolutions abandon them within the first month. And again, you know, you have to think about kind of the why and what's behind that.. And we're going to talk all about that. And then what I really found, being that I'm about to have a, a big birthday in a week or so, I also was kind of sobered by the fact that only 16, 16% of individuals over 50 achieve their goals. So that tells me that even though, you know, they're at a point where they've kind of had their successes, they've had their achievements, they've had their missteps, they've had their fall and rise maybe, that basically they would have a lot more wisdom today than they would in their 20s or 30s or even 40s to really stay focused on their goals and pursue them and achieve them. 16, 16%. Achieve their goals. Now, I will say that I do not achieve 100% of my goals each and every time I set one. But at the same time, I typically have anywhere between 3 and 5 goals going at any given time. And I am going to most likely, you know, hit on 2 of the 3 or 4 of the 5, and there will be one that kind of gets carried over or maybe even deprioritized. But I found these statistics to be very sobering. And I thought to myself on January 24th, What a better time because we are not quite at that month of abandonment yet. So, I am going to ask you guys to hold on tight to those goals, those resolutions, whatever and however you define them. And we are going to talk through today's program all around just why that is that you might be walking away from your goals very quickly, but more so, what can you do about it? But before we get into all of that, I also want to acknowledge We had a big weekend here in this country, from the presidential inauguration to also the women's marches that went on all over the country. Actually, they went on all over the world, which was absolutely amazing. And I certainly was impressed with the gathering, half a million to a million— there's a lot of numbers going around— that marched in DC. And very proud of a few of my nieces that actually flew in from California Philadelphia and went into D.C. to be part of that. And at the same time, we in Atlanta had about 100,000 marching here in Atlanta. And from everything that people have said, from my business coach Joan to friends of mine at the park, Jill this morning shared with me what an unbelievable, glorious, exciting event it was. Between the residents that marched and the cops that monitored, and even the protesters that were marching for Trump, or actually I will say, let's not say it like that. Let's say it like they are pro-life versus the women that are marching are feminist, pro-abortion. And yet they were all very, cordial, they were all very respectful of each other, and they were all very engaging in the process without totally creating any type of havoc or chaos, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing considering the number of people that came out for it. Atlanta, we were only expecting 10,000 and we got— had 100,000 marching. I will admit, I wish I was part of it. I actually— didn't even realize it was going on, at least here in Atlanta, and that's my own ignorance and very disappointed at that. I had, you know, my head down doing some things and working on some things and not having the television on at all throughout most of last week into even today. So, and that's for my own reasoning, but I am disappointed that I didn't get to be a part of that because from what I understand, it was just absolutely awesome. All right, moving on, couple of just additional updates and highlights for you is beginning tomorrow I will be redeploying, refreshing, reintroducing our Rich Tip newsletter, and it is going to be packed. And the people that have already seen it is in previews, um, are extremely grateful that it's going to be very focused on providing you guest expert interviews, articles, book reading recommendations, It'll provide you tips and advice, resources and application technology suggestions, anything that it would take for you to really optimize both your mindset and your skill set, whether it be in the workplace or at home. So if you're not already subscribed on ChettingTheBitch.com, please go ahead and do so. We're also totally revamping and reworking the website. But you can still at least sign up on the upper right-hand corner to start receiving that newsletter. And it'll come out every 2 weeks. It'll come out every Wednesday beginning tomorrow— or I'm sorry, it'll become out every other Wednesday beginning tomorrow. And I promise you, and you can certainly share back with me any feedback or comments, that it will be worth the read. And even just filing it into, you know, a folder on your desktop that you can reference back at other times. Um, and if, you know, if you feel that it's not meeting, uh, your, your criteria of quality and value and return on investment, then I want to hear about it. All right. And of course, you can always email me at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebits.com. Uh, lastly, if you haven't already seen it, and it's kind of all over Facebook right now, it's being, um heavily promoted out there is I had established an online master class. It's the Shift to Riches Formula, the 5 steps that it takes for you to achieve your goals, your dreams, and the riches that you want out of your career, business, and life. So take a look, go to Shayna the Bitch on Facebook and you'll be able to, you know, see it very easily there. And it's a free workshop, it's an hour packed with content that you can certainly leverage and get a really good handle on what the Shift to Riches Formula is, what I use with my corporate and entrepreneurial clients all around the world in order for them to really ignite the leader within them, the woman within them, and the riches within them. And we'll touch on some of it today as part of our Discovering You conversation. At the same time, this is all different content that's in the online masterclass, so Take a look for that. Register. It is very flexible as far as times is concerned for you to do that, and it is online. So it is real easy for, for you to kind of block out an hour in your day and go for it. All right. All right.

All right.

All right. Let us see. Anything else going on before we move on to our topic of today?

Nope.

So I will just open up with this. So we want to talk about discovering you. Why I also find it important is not only because of those sobering statistics, about individuals who either lack having goals and dreams for themselves or they abandon them very quickly. I think it's also because a lot of people just don't know how to go about them. Not only defining them, because we talk a lot about SMART goals and how to really craft a goal that will stick, but it's more so once that's done, that exercise is done, it's more so then the day in, day out, How do we prevent life from getting in our way? How do we prevent our self-talk, our inner dialogue that we have with ourselves? We call them bitches here. And how do we, you know, kind of keep them at bay so we can push through them and not allow them to sabotage what it is that we want to achieve? Because I think that's really, uh, that comes down to the core of why people either don't set goals or they don't, or they abandon them. And so we'll talk more about that as we go forward, because what I really want for you and what we always want for you here in the Shedding the Bitch community is for you to really discover who you are and what purpose and, and fate you have in this one life that you have to live, and to inspire you and motivate you and sometimes kick you in the butt in order for you to act on that and to really kind of do the work that's needed in order for you to finally, you know, get what you want, finally have that purpose and have that energy, focus, and clarity that really kind of forces you and you want to continue pursuing that brass ring of happiness, freedom, contentment, however you define riches for yourself. So the rich question I want you to be thinking about as we go to break and then we'll come back and dive into this, this conversation. The rich question I want you to be thinking about is what part of you would you love to discover even more about? So what part of you would you love to discover even more about? And let me just kind of drill into that a little bit. So I get a lot of people that say when I bring up this subject, they're like, I Bernadette, of course I know who I am. And I'll start asking them and drilling into about what their beliefs are, what their values are, what their inner dialogue is. And then all of a sudden they just start to kind of, you know, wilt away from the conversation because it starts drumming up, you know, emotions and fears and doubts and insecurities and more questions for themselves. So what I really want out of this conversation for you is for you to own it, whatever it looks whatever it might look like, to own it and be okay with it. And I actually posted a, one of those image quotes on our Shedding the Bitch page, and it basically reads that the greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are. The second greatest challenge is being happy with what you find. Being happy with what you find. And I, I believe that's true. I believe that people don't look at who they really are and what their belief systems are and what their what their values are, and what their dreams are because they have a lot of fear and insecurity and pain that comes up with that. And/or they just are afraid of being disappointed or being unsuccessful in pursuing who they really want to be. So I want you to be thinking about what part of you you'd like to discover more about yourself. It could be, you know, how you love. It could be your beliefs about success. Success, money limiting beliefs, it could be just about anything, and what is that one thing if you really took the time and had the courage and dug deep, what one area of you would you like to discover more about? And you can #RICHTag with us on Twitter or Facebook and we'll use #RICHTags Discover You as well as #ShedTheBitch and even motivation should you choose to, but #DiscoverYou and #ShedTheBitch. All right, so we're going to take a quick break, and when we come back, we're going to dive into this and really address what I believe are the 3 reasons why people either don't have goals and/or they give up on them quickly. So we will be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at MediaRelations@SheddingTheBitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, and this is your decision. Discovering You episode. We are really trying to take some time and give you an opportunity to sit still and focus on you. And, you know, when was the last time you actually did that? Whether you're a mother, a spouse, a professional woman, you're single, you know, life, regardless of what your world looks like and how, you know, chaotic it might be, it's just very challenging for us to ever kind of be able to take time, sit still, breathe, and think about what it is that we want and/or don't want out of this one life that we have to live. So I want you to at least take this opportunity to spend the next 40 minutes or so, um, breathing, and then even considering, you know, some of the points and questions and things I'm going to kind of throw at you. And if you have a journal and a pen or a notebook of any kind, then that could be very helpful as well. And if you care to, because I'll be referring to it throughout this particular episode, is you can also go to sheddingthebitch.com, and on our blog, the latest blog post there is a rich plan, Victory Plan workbook, worksheet out there that you can always download. And we're going to reference it because it aligns to what we're talking about. But then I'm going to be providing you an actual Discover You workbook, and that'll be out there before the end of today. That will certainly be aligned to what it is we're talking about. So I had promised you from the, from the beginning of the year that with this new year, We will be working to get you more resources, tools, experts, things that you can use in your daily life in order for you to really plan out, act on, and achieve the riches in life that you know you deserve. And if you don't know it, then that's another one of our objectives as part of the Shedding the Bitch community is helping you to realize you deserve everything and anything that you want. To be achieving. All right, so I had mentioned before we went to break that I find that there's really 3 reasons why there may be this, oh, this easy opportunity to either not set goals or to abandon them very quickly. Like I had mentioned, StatisticsBrain.com has statistics on basically the fact that 42% of people never make goals, and 40% of individuals who make goals abandon them within the month. And I want to challenge you to push through the month and then push through the 5th week and then push through the 3rd month and then push through whatever it's going to take and whatever that timeline looks like in order for you to achieve your goals. But why is it, do you think? I kind of find throughout all my coaching, my training, the speaking engagements that I have, I find that there's basically 3 reasons. One is people really don't take time to think about and to define what it is that they really want. The second reason is that people aren't truly committed to what it is that they think that they want. So they're not committed is the second one. And then I believe the third, which is the easiest one of these, that we're going to talk about to solve is they just don't know how to go about doing it. And so we're going to drill into each one of these because all 3 of them are going to take 2 components of you. It's going to take your mindset, kind of where are you in your beliefs, your, your core values, your inner dialogue, how you think about yourself, how you project yourself out into the world. So it's all about the mindset, but there is some skill set focus that also needs to be there. People create goals, um, especially me, uh, of where they have no maybe experience or expertise in a particular area, and therefore they have to kind of figure that out as well. But here I've always found in the Shenandoah community, the whole premise of what we do is all around the fact that you and I spend too much time training, massaging, and taking care of our skill set because we think that's what the boss wants, that's what our clients want, that's what our, you know, whether it be friends really. But they think it has to be how skilled we are, how talented we are, how expert we are, how experienced we are, how well-traveled we are. And I, for one, learned that biggest lesson that the skill set is very important, but it falls far behind the need to have an empowered, strong, bold, confident, focused mindset. Because if you know my story at all, you would know that certainly over my 25-year corporate career climbing the corporate ladder quite successfully to many people's eyes, I certainly had the skill set. I certainly had the talent, expertise, the experience, the world travel, meaning— and I don't mean that by just being, you know, on a plane. I mean more so that level of experience globally. It didn't matter. I was still handed a pink slip, and I was handed a pink slip specifically because I lacked that confident, empowered, strong mindset, that leader that businesses and, and bosses basically want from you. And I would, you know, have you think about that this also translates over into your life, your community, your family. The example that we set as individuals to those around us, whether young or old. And therefore, everything that we do and we talk about is all around helping you to master the mindset along with the skill set that— so then that is what really allows people to, tactically I'll call it, because it's simplifying things greatly, but tactically to set goals and then act on them and work and overcome in order to achieve them. So that would be the first thing I have you thinking about is the, you know, the mindset over the skill set. But the reason, reasons being that they just don't know what it is that they want they aren't committed to the, to those goals, and they simply don't know how to go about it. And we're going to drill into each one of these so you have some tools and tips by the, the time the show is over that you can actually start leveraging today. Because like I said, I want you to get from that, you know, 40% who abandon their goals within the first month to a much higher number, um, you know, because this is all about you. You not achieving your goals doesn't impact me directly. At the same time, though, that's what I want for you. I want you to be able to achieve your goals because that makes you a better person, which makes everyone around you, um, you know, in a better world as well. And that ultimately does come back to myself and everyone else. So let's dive into this, shall we? First off, it's that people don't know what it is that they really want. And if you think about it, it sounds pretty simplistic. If you were to say to somebody, you know, what is it that you really want? Being a coach, it's a question that I'm, I'm asking my clients on a daily basis, or every time that I see them, I'm asking them that question because they do tend to go from a very 100,000-foot level of what it is that they want to then, as they're working their way through discovering and confronting and shedding the things in their life that are working for them or aren't working for them, they're learning more and more about themselves, and therefore they're getting more articulate and more creative about answering that question of what it is that they really want. But let me break it down for you. So, if you have ever set a New Year's goal or resolution, and I will even use the information from StatisticsBrain.com. So, the most popular things that people make resolutions around is losing weight or eating healthier. That is 21%. I was, I was thrilled to see that the next, the top number 2 is life or self-improvement is at 12.3%. And then there's better financial decisions, quit smoking, do more exciting things, spend more time with the family. Disappointingly, that's all the way down at number 6. They want to work out more often, learn something new, so forth and so on. Now, if you're, you know, participating in this program or on this radio show, On quite a regular basis, we talk about SMART goals and how to really make sure that your goals are well-defined enough and achievable enough and specific enough for you to actually be able to act on them. So, of course, people would have a lot of questions as far as, you know, just losing weight. What does that mean? What does that look like? What does it feel like? What does it smell like? The life or self-improvements, pretty high-level. Type of resolutions or goals. And yet at the same time, at least if they're able to articulate that when asked, that's better than nothing. Because then the whole purpose of coaching and mentoring, whether it be myself or you with a friend, is to then ask a lot more other questions, more pertinent questions. Because there's oftentimes when someone says that they don't know what they really want, it's because they really haven't found their purpose. They haven't found what it is that they're working so hard for, even at work or at home, that they are sacrificing a great deal around. Maybe that they're just struggling and they're unable to kind of get out of the weeds and get all that cleared out of their head in order to really just say, okay, what is it that I, you know, am willing to I spend, you know, 24/7 working toward because it'll give me X, Y, and Z. And we'll talk about the why in a second. But really uncovering what someone wants is really digging deep and being courageous enough. And you don't have to voice it to other people like I do. I tend to shout out what my my goals are, and I put it out onto the social media networks and tell my friends and colleagues because I like to, for them to know what I'm working towards. So then if I need their help and support or they want to provide it, then they have a better idea as to kind of where to navigate that support and help. But other people don't, and they don't want to, but for a number of reasons. They don't want to because they're afraid of failing. Fail, they're afraid of rejection, they're afraid of even succeeding. I mentioned a couple weeks ago on the program, that's my kind of— my fear is success. It's not failing and it's not rejection. It's more like, what, what is my world going to look like when I do succeed? Because that could be scary for some people. Think about it. Think about it for yourself. So if you're not sure of what it is that you want work backwards. Think about why is it I don't know what I want. Is there something— is there a limiting belief? Is there some sort of, um, mindset that I have around should I achieve this goal, it's going to do X, Y, and Z to me? But think about it because it's really important to understand, uh, what it is that you want to be working so hard for, so you're just not living, you're just not existing, you're more thriving if you ever, you know, hear that term, as opposed to just surviving, you should be thriving. If you want to thrive, then you really want to dig deep and get uncomfortable and kind of feel some maybe pain, hurt, fear, doubt, insecurity, any number of those bitches that we talk about here. You're going to want to feel those because you know that as you you're able to then to shed them and really open yourself up to being able to pursue what it is that you want. But if you're not sure as to what it is that you really want, then there's a way for you to just ask yourself a slew of questions, and we're not going to go through all of them, but I will provide you a Discover You handout like I mentioned at the start of the program. So keep an eye out for that by the end of today, and I'll get it up on Facebook, Twitter, and on the Shed in the Bitch Site, because it's just simply a matter of asking yourself a number of questions and being very honest and truthful with yourself. And I tend to talk about the concept of the fact that truth sits on the surface. And what I mean by that is anytime you're doing any type of personal development, self-awareness discovery, activity where people ask you to get still and really think about and go deep and dig out what it is that you're really feeling and what it is that you're really thinking about and what it is that you really believe in. Truth sitting on the surface really means that as opposed to analyzing or editing or overthinking something, a response to something, making sure that you're politically correct. That's not what we want. We want you to be honest and truthful with yourself. And therefore, what I tend to tell people is, as I coach with them, as I train them, as I speak with them even on a big stage, and even speak to you here on this program, I will tell them to take the first thing that comes up within you when anyone asks you a question and you need to come up with a response. Don't edit it, analyze it, critique it. Don't make it politically correct. Just take the first thing that comes up for you. And if you're not tapped into being patient to really listen for that and hear that, then that's okay. Just practice doing it and don't, you know, don't kind of throw it away because it didn't work the first time or second time or even tenth time. You will start to really pay attention and be present with what is really coming up for you as far as truth is concerned, versus what we tend to do is immediately, very quickly conform our belief systems and our opinions and our ideas and our thoughts to what we think other people want. And so truth sitting on the surface is how I want you to go about considering this Discovering You process because you have to be honest with you. If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? And if you're questioning if why you're— you haven't set your own goals or why you haven't achieved them, it could be simply because you're not being truthful with yourself about what it is that you want or what it is that you don't want. So you can make a note of these questions if you have a pen and paper, or you can wait until it's out on our Shedding the Bitch page and Facebook and Twitter. But it is a series of questions that you just want to ask yourself. The first one is going to be to have a very detailed description of who you are right now. If you were looking in the mirror, and I'm not talking physical, although you can add physical, but if you're looking at yourself in the mirror seated with a journal in hand and simply ask yourself, Who am I at this very moment in time? And describe yourself to you. What you like about yourself, what you love about yourself, what you're not so crazy about, what challenges you're having, what doubts, insecurities, and bitches are going on in your world. What is working for you, what isn't working for you. It could be as detailed as possible, and preferably it is, about if someone was to say to you, "What do you think about yourself?" you would be able to kind of read, whether it is a paragraph or a book, you would be able to really have a good grasp of what that is. Now, in a lot of people's cases, they may not get to the full picture initially because, like I said, people do not want to acknowledge that. They do not want to really see themselves for who they are. But unless you are willing to ask yourself that question and be as honest and truthful and naked with yourself as possible, then you'll always struggle to pursue and achieve what it is that you want in life. You'll never be the optimal you you're meant to be. Whether you believe in a God or not, you are exactly, and you possess exactly what it takes for you to be whatever it is that you want in this world. It's just a matter of acknowledging that, being truthful about it, and even identifying, you know, what gaps or what things you haven't been focused on or what you need to work on, and that's perfectly okay. So that first question is probably one of the most important is just who are you to you? And don't throw in there what your friends say about you, what your colleagues say about you, what your, you know, lover says about you. Just about you, what you think about yourself. Then you could go on and ask yourself, who are you not? And what I mean by that is so many of us conform to what we think our parents want, our company businesses want, our clients want, our friends want, our community wants. And oftentimes we don't even recognize that we've conformed to what those things are. And that was definitely one of my biggest challenges is recognizing, you know, as I was leaving corporate and going off on my own, but recognizing that a corporate identity I'd had for 25 years, I truly believed in it. I truly felt that that was who and what I was meant to be doing and who I was supposed to be, not only at that time, but even for, you know, until I was, you know, 6 feet under. That's who that corporate identity, I believe, was who I was meant to be. And until I went quiet, until I looked myself in the mirror and was very painfully, shamefully, disgustingly honest with myself, did I really find out that that wasn't who I was at all. And that wasn't where I was the most optimal, the happiest, the most fulfilled, the richest, in what— however I defined that. So you asking yourself both who you are and who you are not will allow you to be honest about if there's expectations that other people are putting on you and you're taking ownership of those expectations, that's on you and you want to acknowledge it. So you can make some changes around it and shift to more of who you believe you are and who you want to be. And so that would be your next question is, who do you want to be? If there is any conformity, if there is any sacrifice, or if there is any depletion that someone is taking from you, you know, if you've ever heard that term, you're giving your power over to someone else, That's a term that I always kind of just rolled my eyes out. I mean, talk about sounding very woo-woo, as I call it. When people would use that term, I would just immediately turn off. I'd immediately go into, you know, and if many of you, and you are corporate professionals, let alone entrepreneurial professionals, we, you know, corporate professionals, especially women, we tend to be very, very centrally focused on— it's almost robotic— on what it is that the business expects of us and are very nervous and very scared to bring in kind of our personal, real selves into the workplace. And now that's changing in many respects, but a lot of times, majority of the women to this day that I meet, and I'll throw men in there too, but majority of women, uh, have some degree of conformity to what it is that, uh, the business expects of them to be or to do, let alone family, friends, and community. So I want you to be thinking about who are you, who are you not, and who do you want to be based on identifying and being honest and realistic about, um, you know are you conforming? Are you depleting? Are you giving your power over to someone else? And that simply means, are you allowing someone else to influence your thoughts, your behaviors, your actions, so forth and so on? So that would be the other thing I want you to think about. And then, of course, I want you to make a note, but I want to get to our other two points as well. But I want you to make a note of a few other questions. And again, we will put this worksheet out on sheddingthebitch.com, as well as Twitter and Facebook. But you want to think about what do you want out of life. If you really aren't sure about what it is your goals and dreams are, then ask yourself, based on who you are, who you want to be, who you're not, what is it that you want out of this one life that you have to live? Before you were to be 6 feet under, what is it that you want from it? What is it you don't want from it. Again, it is always important to look at those things too, because we do take on a lot in our lives that we really do not want to. Especially as women, no is not an easy, easy, you know, response for us. For some of us, it is much easier than others, but it is not a productive no. It is just more of a, you know, a negative no. What we want to get to is when you mean yes, you say yes. When you mean no, you mean no, and you stick to it. You don't conform or give in, or as that woo-woo saying is, give someone else your power. All right? So what do you want? What do you not want? And what will it give you should you actually acknowledge and be honest with yourself about what your goals are? What would your world look like should you actually not only achieve them, but even start acting on them? What, how, And what does your world begin to look like as a result of that? What do you begin to look like as a result of that? I've told many of you, I've told this story a number of times, but that a couple years into my shift, as I call it, or my shedding the bitch, I ran into a couple of my old peers and even my ex-boss and mentor and was asked by multiple individuals whether or not I had a facelift. And I just kind of looked at them like, what the heck? And they said, well, you look so young, you look so fresh, you look so happy. And I basically just, you know, turned to them and said, well, that's what happens when you shed your bitch. Because it did. I mean, it took years off of my face, my eyes, my smile, my growl. You know, it just took years off of my whole being. And it comes from the inside and is projected on the outside. And I absolutely loved someone asking me if I had a facelift and was thrilled that I did not have to say, "Yes, I did." All right. So, we spent a lot of time there, but it is the most important area, most important area, and probably the hardest area to really think about and go through. So, I am going to let you sit with that for a couple of seconds as we take a quick break. And when we come back, I want to continue talking about, you know, why are people not truly committed to their goals when they set them, and then also how to go about really being able to not only define them but actually act on them, overcome challenges, and achieve them. So we have a lot still to talk about, so stick with us and we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone, and we are talking discovering you today and the 3 reasons why I believe a good majority of you are abandoning your goals way too soon, way too early. And we talked about the first one is people really just don't know what those goals are or what those dreams are, what it is that they really want. And refer back to the earlier part of the conversation if you're just jumping onto the program to really understand how you can go about, you know, moving through that. The second part is that, you know, people are just truly not committed to it. And let me give you real-life examples of what I mean by this, because typically you would think when people, you know, set their goals, you know, they're committed to it. And I'm the first person to tell you, hell no. No, no, no, no, you can state you want something, but your actions are going to prove whether or not that be true. And for me, it had been for a long time my fitness. I kept saying I wanted to get fit, I wanted to get back into the gym, and yet weeks and months and a year, you know, went by and I never did it. It is because I was not truly committed to it. So let me kind of give you some examples of what a why might look like, but what it is not, and why people fall off of off of their goals. So we'll go through 3 of them: weight, asking for a promotion, and expanding one's business, all right? So we'll throw some business and life things in there. So most people, like I had mentioned, you know, the number 1 resolution is all around weight and healthy living. So basically they'll sit there and they'll very easily say, "I wanna lose weight." And you'll ask them why, 'cause again, my job as a coach is to kind of get down to the nitty-gritty. And they'll say, well, because I want to fit into my skinny jeans, or because I want to, you know, be able to buy a dress for a prom— or not a prom, but, um, uh, you know, for a high school reunion or college reunion, whatever the case might be, or because I want to, you know, um, just look good when I go to the beach. Those are great whys, but they're not the why that's going to keep you there.

They're—

it's not the why that's going to ground you and allow you to push through the first time someone puts a piece of chocolate cake in front of you or invites you out, you know, to a fun-filled evening out or weekend that's filled with eating and drinking. It's gotta be a why. It's gotta be a life-changing, life-shifting, life-differing why that will cause you to kind of weigh the, the odds of succeeding or failing and taking it very seriously. So let me give you an example for the weight. Your real why is that you want to be here for your children as you, you know, grow older. You want to be able to have a fit and healthy life, maybe because you don't want to, you know, be ailing or be, you know, physically disabled in any way, shape, or form. Maybe you have a family history You know, maybe you have children, maybe you have great-grandchildren, whatever the case might be, but your why is certainly more than just skinny jeans or, you know, looking good in a bathing suit. It's got to be something that is life-altering, life-shifting, life-transforming. When you ask for a promotion, most women— because I do, you know, a lot of leadership coaching— I'll ask them, you know, the goal is to get them promoted, to get them rising up in their organization or their industry, and they'll say, well, I want more responsibility, I want to climb the corporate ladder, I want to be successful, I want more money. That's not their why. That's not going to get them there because the minute, you know, they don't get that next promotion, all of a sudden they're going to go falling back about 3 or 4 steps behind them, or they're just going to give up completely and just throw up their hands and start making excuses that, oh well, it's the boys' club, or gender gap, or, you know, it's, you know, the president's favorite, so forth and so on. Actually, what their why needs to be, it needs to be something such as, I want to make a difference. I want to get in a position of influence so I can, you know, travel more and be able to reach into communities or reach into environments that, you know, I need to be able to help and that need my help, that need to change themselves or need improvement. Or I want to, you know, get that promotion because I want to be able to influence change within our organization that will make our people and clients and vendors, you know, much happier, much more productive, and much more successful themselves. So it's almost selfless that, yes, I want a promotion, but I want it because I want to be a leader that will create change. If one wants to expand one's business, it's not necessarily because they want to, you know, they're expected to grow a business if they have one of their own, or to get more income. Between the two, or even with that one, with expanding one's business, it's because they want to leave a legacy. They want to be able to pass on that business to their children. They want freedom so they can spend more time with their family, with their children, with their friends. So it's got to be something much deeper in the core of your soul that will then say to you, okay, if I have a choice right now, I'm being confronted with asking for this promotion, but I'm scared of being rejected, or scared of the fact that, you know, they're going to say no, or that I'm going to then get the job and I'm not going to be successful at and I'm going to fall on my face. That their why needs to be strong enough to where they go, you know what, all of those things could happen but I'll be okay. You know, being able to create change, influence, you know, improvements in my world, in my company, that's worth me possibly getting a promotion I'm not ready for and I fall on my face or asking for that promotion and they say no because I recognize, oh, maybe it's just not my time right now. So forth and so on. Does that make sense? So your why needs to be something that you are willing to work hard at, you are willing to sacrifice, you are willing to compromise, you are willing to give up, you are willing to change, have something different, and shift. And knowing that your world will be very different, but it is going to be different in the way of X, Y, and Z because that is how your world and why your world will change and shift because of what it is that you're going after. So getting down to your why is critical if you ever wonder why all of a sudden, you know, somebody who's trying to lose weight gives up very easily, or that person who wants a promotion but is scared to ask for it, or to expand their business but they're not willing to go and sell and pitch themselves and, and, um, you know, promote themselves the way they need to. It's all because their why wasn't deep enough, wasn't core enough. Because all of those excuses, all of those lack of skill, all of those insecurities, they're all easily overcome once you have the tools and the resources and the support that's needed. And that is out there for you, whether it be, you know, through professional support or through friends and networks and online trainings and whatever the case might be. There isn't a bitch. There's not a fear, insecurity, doubt, negativity, anything that can't be overcome and that there isn't a solution to. It's a matter of whether or not your why is strong enough in order for you to push through it and achieve it. All right, so lastly, and we're not even going to take a break, so lastly, the third area is that they just don't know. They don't know where to start. They don't know how to go about, whether it be identifying what it is that they want or identifying their why and even their bitches in order for them to really push through all of that, get the support, get the education, get the network, get the resources and tools that they need in order to achieve their goals. Let's even say act on their goals, take that first step. People abandon their goals within a month not only because of lack of a why, but also because they just don't know how to go about it right. They didn't work, they didn't work their fitness or their eating into knowing really what it is that they want or don't want, or like or don't like. I mean, I'm not going to go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning. There is nothing that anybody could tell me that that is going to get me into the gym at 5:30 in the morning. So why would I set myself up for failure immediately and say, okay, I'm going to go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning? That'll fail, misstep, whatever you want to call it, like within 3 days, because that's just not where I want to be at 5:30 in the morning. I like my sleep. I need my 8 hours of sleep, you know. Now, if you said to me, okay, so then now why don't you commit to where you're going, you know, 5:30 in the evening, great, and if I don't get there, I'm making tons of excuses because 5:30 is very realistic, very relevant to my, you know, whatever my goal is. So there's a lot of reasons, but the third one is not knowing how. I'm going to refer to that workbook I told you I'd already placed out on our shedinthebitch.com blog post.. You'll see a goal setting to riches rich plan template. It addresses two things. It addresses goal setting the SMART way, and we talk a lot about that, so I won't spend time talking about that in our last few minutes. But it also talks about a victory plan, and I tied these two things together a few years ago because, again, people need to really have an idea of what their vision and inspiration and riches are. And what they're willing to commit to, and that truth that we talked about. So a lot of the elements of what we've talked about, I'd thrown into, uh, a few years ago into what I call a Victory Plan. And the two of these things together, both the goal-setting part of the Rich Plan and the Victory Plan, work hand in hand together. Because once you know where you're going, that being your vision, once you know you know, who will inspire, motivate you, support you, hold you accountable, and what riches you possess in order for you to pursue your goals. And then what truth there is to what it is that you really want, what you don't want, everything that we've talked about. And then you even acknowledge what are going to be those sabotaging limiting beliefs, or bitches that we talk about, that are going to kind of get in your way and potentially sabotage. Your ability to achieve your goals. All of those things go very much hand in hand, so I want you to be able to leverage them together in this, in this workbook. And then, as I mentioned, I will put up on, um, on our sheddingthebitch.com plus Facebook and Twitter the Discover You worksheet that also complements all this. Because I'll be honest with you, you can't set your goals until you understand who you are. Until you really discover and do some digging as to who you are, what you want, what you don't want, and why it is that you want those things. Then you can say, okay, now I need to craft that into a well-defined SMART goal of which then I want to be victorious at, so I need to understand, you know, the inspiration, the truth, and the other components of the Victory Plan. So we'll make sure we have all of that for you that you can leverage. All right, I don't know about you, but I pray you found that to be very valuable. Now I want to remind you, our online master class breaks— kind of takes all of this into our Shift to Riches formula, the Discover, Confront, and Shed, so you can create and accelerate. And that is my proven method, my proven formula for now being able to take all of this that you've discovered and actually act and execute and achieve it. And I guarantee that if you start applying these principles, applying these tools into your day-in, day-out life, I guarantee you, and my clients all over the world can share with you how they've leveraged it to also work toward and really achieve their goals and their riches. All right, so next week we're going to talk to Keisha Fairman, and we're going to be talking about why wait. Now that's a little bit of a twist on words there. It's the actual weight, W-E-I-G-H-T, but why wait? Why wait on taking care of your weight type of thing? So we'll talk to Keisha next week, and then we have Ask Bernadette coming up the first week of February. Do you believe it's February already? So pay attention for that, and we'll be communicating with you through Twitter and Facebook and sheddingthebitch.com. And I am so happy that we have kicked off January in such a way to give you the resources, tools, and support you need to achieve everything that you deserve. And I look forward to bringing it to you once again next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. So thanks everybody, talk to you soon. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.