Unleash Your Inner Greatness and Fulfill Your Destiny with Christy Rutherford

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910.

Technology, you are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio. Yes, I am Bernadette Boas. It is a hot, steamy day here in Atlanta, Georgia. It's going to hit or it's going to feel like about 105, so they say. I wanted to be sure that our Shedding the Bitch community got an opportunity to learn and hear from her as well. So you're definitely in for a great treat, all about removing the limited belief system, self-imposed limitations that you create for yourself, anything that might be holding you back from really achieving Your Dreams. But before we get into all of that, um, I was thinking, you know, Rich News— there's not a lot really going on, which kind of might sound, uh, somewhat boring, but at the same time it's very, very nice and peaceful and comfortable. And I hope it is for you as well. So it's nice when there isn't a lot of, um, a lot of— not news per se, but just not a lot of information or updates or asks for prayers or that kind of thing. Uh, so we're just going to get right into it. How about that? We're just going to get right into it. Uh, the conversation specifically is going to be all around unleashing your inner greatness and fulfilling your destiny. And what our guest wants to share with you is how to remove those self-imposed limitations in order for you to unleash the greatest, greatest version of yourself. So I want you to be listening for a few things. I want you to listen for the number one habit of successful and happy people. Successful and happy. Who wants to be that? How to create a growth environment and how to find your purpose. But more importantly, once you find your purpose, how do you remove the barriers to your success. So I leave you with a rich question for you to kind of sit with as we get into a conversation on Shedding the Bitch Radio. And so your rich question for today is, what is one, just one, self-imposed limitation that might be impacting your life right now? And a little slant to it would be, what would your life look like if you were able to remove that barrier? What would it look like if you actually had the tips, the tools, the resources, and the support from someone like our guest to remove those barriers and remove those limitations? Now I want you to be hashtagging with us, posting Twitter, Facebook. Our guest is very, very well known and followed by a good number of people on LinkedIn. So #RichTag with us hashtag women's leadership mastery, hashtag corporate feminology. Now we're going to get into that, but corporate feminology. And also, because we need to be this, hashtag unapologetic. And of course there's hashtag shed the bitch. So we're talking about removing self-imposed limitations with your rich question: what is one self-imposed limitation impacting your life, and what What would your life look like if you were able to remove it? Now since we with that little hiccup at the top of the hour, we're just going to get right into this. We normally would take a break at this time if you listen to us regularly. So our guest Christy Rutherford is the president of Live Up Leadership, a leadership development and training company, a certified executive leadership coach. Christy is also a keynote speaker. Speaker and author, publishing 5 number 1 best-selling books on Amazon in 8 months. In 8 months, that's awesome. Christy resigned from a highly successful 6-figure career with over— with only 3.5 years left to retire with a full pension. She knew there was a higher calling on her life, so she took a leap of faith and has built a global business of women's empowerment, leadership, and having the courage to live your dreams. A Harvard Business School alumni from the Program for Leadership Development, Christy also earned a certificate— or a cert— certification in executive leadership coaching from Georgetown University, an MBA, and a pastry chef diploma. Her national recognition includes Cambridge's Who's Who Amongst Executives and Professionals, Career Communications STEM Technology All-Star, and the Edward R. Williams Award for Excellence in Diversity. So everybody, give me a warm welcome to Christy Rutherford. Christy, it's fabulous to have you.

Yay, thanks, Bernadette. You know, every time I hear my bio, I'm almost impressed, but then I say, you know, that's the bio of a workaholic.

I have to say, I was exhausted reading it going, oh my gosh, look at this talent.

A short bio.

And that, I'm sure it is. I am sure it is. So you know, everybody, that you're in for a treat with someone with such accomplishments. And because at the same time, she's not, you know, it's— she's not like she's 70 or 80 or 90 years old, and you would think with all of that, um, she should be.

All right, I know.

So you took this leap of faith, 3 and a half years away from pension. You obviously knew something. So give us a little bit about your career background, but also what was that tipping point that, you know, I mean, 3 and a half years, some people might say, oh, just chalk it up and, you know, live with it for 3 and a half years, but you decided to take that leap of faith. Tell us about that.

Yes, I guess certain things. I mean, I was really successful in my career, being a workaholic, always being a leader, coaching other people. Going above and beyond and doing all these things, but I never— I thought about that this morning. I didn't really feel successful, right? So no matter what I achieved, no matter how many accolades and how many awards and medals I got, I never felt successful and satisfied. So I just kept going. And so when you think about a job and the work we're called to do— this morning I was thinking about the 2 clients that I coached yesterday and their significant improvement. That gives me satisfaction. And then thinking in my career and getting the degrees and all these things, these external things of success that label you as successful, I never had that feeling that I felt yesterday. Um, so what happened in 2009, I started watching Oprah and unknowingly activated the law of attraction. The law of attraction works whether or not you know it works. So I started to visualize a different life. I worked on Capitol Hill, and I had all this influence, and had all this respect, and blah, blah, blah. The things that people want, right? The things that people aspire for, I had it. But I started visualizing a different life. You know, I want to live a life of peace, and I want my office to be outside, and I want to serve people on a greater level, and I don't want to work for anybody, and I don't want to be stressed out. And so I saw it, and then I wrote it down, and then I started speaking it. And so every time I would be at work hating my life, I love my job, but you know, it's Friday night, 11 o'clock, I'm still at work. I would sit back in my chair and I would visualize this life. And so through a series of events, which included burnout, stress, and a crazy boss, I got the life that I wanted. So leaving was more of, if I didn't leave, I was going to die. Yeah, I was so stressed out. I had a crazy boss and all these things, and leadership let me down. And so that's the story that you can tell, right? Like, how did you leave? Well, I could have, quote unquote, been pushed out or forced out or forced to do something that I didn't want to do. But at the end of the day, when I back it up, it's really about this— how can I be mad about the life that I got, right? Like, those were the circumstances that got me to what I visualized And when I realized that, I forgave the story of how it happened, and I forgave everybody because they just played a part to setting me free to what I really wanted to do.

Wow.

Wow. Okay, I got to break that down because that— you said a lot in there that I really, I really want to make sure everyone, um, kind of just sits with as well. And remember, everybody, what your rich question is: what is your self-imposed limitation, and what are you willing to do to— or what would your life look like if you got rid of it as Christy has done. So Christy, you made this reference to law of attraction. So in your words, because if there's people listening that may not kind of be in that arena, so to speak, how do you define law of attraction?

The law of attraction is like Earl Nightingale says, you become what you think about most of the time. So even though I had these things and I'm working my job and I was serving people, I mentored a lot of people, but the secret desires of my heart and what I started to think about most of the time was this life. And when I started to get in the hot water and I started, you know, the elevation of harassment with my boss continued, my happy place was this life, this vision. So that's what I kept, you know. Then I became really spiritual and religious, you know. So instead of, you know, dancing to Beyoncé in the morning, I'm now dancing to gospel music, like, you know, somebody save me from my peril and my pain. And so This is the life that I visualized. So a lot of people die in their storm. I remember watching Oprah, so now I'm like really like trying to find a way out of this pit that I found myself in, silently suffering, because externally I'm successful. I have what people want. Nobody cares about my problems. Like, who can I really tell that I'm suffering this much? You know, who can I confess to that I'm in the fire being incinerated? So I started watching a lot of Oprah. That's when her life classes were out, and I like bought her old DVDs— and I'm like trying to find inspiration from other spiritual leaders. And I remember one thing that Maya Angelou said. She said, "On the other side of every storm is the greatest sense of joy." And I recorded that, and I watched it over and over and over again. So when I was sitting at my desk, because this is a storm, and I don't know what the other side looks like. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that this can't last forever. So it was always that hope and that wish and that dream of something different going to happen, even if I don't know what it is. Now, I never imagined that I would leave my career. Now, that, first of all, yeah, right, leave my good check, at least leave my 6-figure career and everything with 3 and a half years left to retire. Are you out of your mind? Like, that was never the intent of me leaving. I thought, you know, that my, the job would move me, or, you know, my boss would get fired or something would happen, but It was really, I got to a moment of decision. Oh, I was so crazy. I was so stressed out.

I was sick.

I was in the emergency room every 2 weeks. I had headaches. My arthritis came back. I felt like my ears were ringing. I was having panic attacks. I mean, it was like physically my body was shutting down. And I remember laying in the bed one day crying hysterically because I knew I was just unraveling, but I couldn't— I felt helpless. And his voice said, put your gloves down, Christi, it's time to stop fighting. Now I didn't know who it was, but it was clear as day. And I knew when I said okay, I said okay, I said that loud, okay. And then peace came across my body. I knew that was a decision that I had to resign and do the unthinkable and the unfathomable and the unpopular, make that decision. But once I made that decision, and once I felt that peace, with making the decision that is ridiculous and completely irrational, I knew I now had to fight my way out of what I created.

Yeah, well, and that fight though, once you got settled though, did you find the fight to be easier? And, and not to say that you didn't have ups and downs, but at the same time, once you settled in on, you know, you know, that decision, you kind of had that that why, you know how everybody speaks about a why, and therefore you were willing to go through that fight and that fire and that fury because you knew that your heart was all in. Would you agree with that?

Well, the— so I'm all in, right? The peace that I feel is there, but the problem is, um, is when you now have to— and this is what I teach my clients they don't have to do— now I have to justify the decision to external people. Right now I have to justify the decision that I made to save my life to other people who say it's not that bad, or you're going to be okay, or why can't you just hang on? Because I'm a leader, right? So you have those, those family and those friends who want to protect you from your— from the lunacy and the craziest decision that you've ever made in your life. So they— so in turn, they want to protect you and they want to talk you out of it. But nobody was listening, and nobody really knew the extent of suffering that was going on, right? Yeah, because I'm a winner, I'm not gonna tell you, right? So, so now it's— I was at peace, but then I found myself fighting other people for a decision to save my life, and so I stopped talking. So what did you do? Go ahead.

What did you do to finally kind of get past that, or are you still working on it? Because a lot of people, you know, it's 6 years ago. Okay, got it.

Got it. I don't— I don't have to I don't justify the decisions I make for my life to other people.

Amen.

I won't even answer the question.

Yeah, yeah. Amen, amen, amen, amen. Okay, I just wanted to make sure we had a full circle. Now another thing that you said in all that, and I loved it, was you also said you saw it, you wrote it, and then you started living it. And I think that's really something too if you could explain that a little bit, maybe, you know, articulate it into literally what did you do, because I think people get this idea of what law of attraction— I just have to think and, and say it and visualize it and it'll happen. And it's not necessarily that— it's not that simplistic. But I love your saw it, wrote it, living it. So could you go into that a little bit?

Yeah, I saw it in 2009, I wrote it in a journal, and then I started telling people this is what's going to happen after I retire.

This wasn't—

so, so that was 2009. So now 2012 comes, I was still visualizing it, I would still read it, and I would still tell people, this is what I'm going to do. Now the challenge with that is now I had the decision, because, because it— Napoleon Hill says opportunity takes the sly backdoor approach. That's why many people don't recognize opportunity as it is. So yes, the opportunity now came to make the decision to leave my career. And so that's the— am I going to do the unthankful? So now I have to make the decision to do something different to save my life. So most people don't see the opportunity when it comes. They think that it's going to be something different or somebody's going to, you know, give me everything that I want or it's going to land in my lap by a leprechaun. You still have to do the work. Are you willing to let go of what's killing you are you willing to step into the darkness? Are you willing to take a leap of faith? Are you willing to let go of who you thought you were? And that's what people aren't willing to do. They can stand right on the edge and die, and they're right, die at their desk and not see the opportunity when it comes because it doesn't look like you thought it would. If me leaving my career— what, are you crazy? Well, that's not something I want to do.

And I think what I heard too is Um, you know, you said that you put it out there, you saw it, wrote it, you started living it. And, um, would you agree that a lot of people, they get— they, they don't do it because they get scared that if, if— what if I ask for, for something and then it, like you said, it comes in such a different form that I'm scared to death of it? So they don't even bother.

So it's about studying and then believing that it's possible. So, you know, that, that was the introduction when I started watching Oprah and Wayne Dyer and Gary Zukav and Eckhart Tolle and Louise Hay and start studying all these spiritual teachers, that's when I started to have the idea of, oh, I create my life, I create my circumstances through my words, I create it through what I visualize. So learning that, then I implemented. Now the difference is when, when that happened and I saw it, like, wait a minute, this, this really works. Now what can I create, right? Right now it's like anything is possible.

Yep, nice, nice, nice. So why do you think— and you mentioned it briefly— why do you think women that lose the courage to go after what it is that they want, fulfill their destiny, and do the work?

What was the beginning part of what you just said? You said why?

Yeah, why do you think women lose the courage to just go and do what, what needs to get done?

It's the general, you know, path of life. It's graduate, get good, you know, go to school, get good grades, graduate, get a great job, and create this lifestyle. And it's not create the lifestyle that you dream of, of learning the law of attraction early. And so once you become more mature, you know, whether you have kids or not— if you have kids, it's Well, I can't go and do my dreams because I have kids and we have to support them. Or if you're single, you know, I now have this mortgage and this car payment, you know, I'm not sure if I can live my dreams. And it's possible, but you don't have to take the leap. But what can you do to work yourself out? And so a lot of people didn't know that I saved nearly 6 figures. I did a lot of stuff to prepare, unknowingly prepare to create that break-in-case-of-emergency glass. I created a plan B.. So I could leave when it— when it— when I got into hot water. So that's how I— that's how I was able to leave and make that decision. So I saved my money, I did certain things, I networked, I— people in my industry. So I've been offered 10 jobs in the first 2 months after I got out. They were like, you did what? You need a job? So I prepared, but not wanting to actually use it. But when it did come time to use it, I was able to do the unthinkable because I prepared for it.

Right, right. That's awesome. That's awesome. And I hope everyone, you're thinking to yourself, okay, that rich question, what is that one self-imposing limitation and what would your life look like, you know, if you actually removed that limitation from your life, whether that's internally or externally. And I think you, Christy's painting a beautiful picture of just kind of where, how low any of us can be, but yet you know, what you're willing to do to fight and overcome it, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing. So how has your definition— what was your original definition of success? What was it when you were in corporate doing, you know, all those, you know, climbing the corporate ladder and whatnot? And what is it today?

Success then was money, prestige, position, getting to the 8 o'clock boardroom meeting and having the house and having the car, you know, being able to go on vacations to Paris and, you know, New Year's in Vegas and Miami and all these other kind of things. So it was those external things of success that I defined as success, and I had it. Now, inner peace, Having all my marbles back.

Joy.

Being of service, but not only being of service, but being of peace and still being a leader and being a mentor and being able to smell the roses along the way. Leadership is so tough and we've never— we're always on to the next problem. We're always on to the next fire. You never stop to smell the roses to see how you impacted other people, which makes leadership very thankless because you're just continuing to work. And pour into other people, but we never stop and look back. And so now I can look back at the people who worked for me 5 years ago, 10 years ago. One of them sent me a card the other day and thanked me. Another one bought me, uh, or gave me another car. So I get cars from people that used to work for me 5, 6 years ago, 10 years ago, saying, hey, thank you for how you showed up in my life, and now my client. So that's what joy is, and that's what success— success for me today means full health, and having all my marbles. That's number one.

Having all your— having all your marbles.

Having, having all my marbles back. Yeah, I was, I was so mentally strained when I left. Okay, my brain was— smoke was coming out of my brain, it was on fire. So I always say, having all my— I started to write my first book and call it Who Took My Marbles.

Oh my God, that's my joy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's Oh, that's hysterical. I, I wrote it down. I'm like, marbles? Did I hear marbles? I haven't heard that. I haven't heard that term in such a long time, but it's so accurate. It is so accurate. I love it. All right, we're gonna take a quick break because— but we have tons more to talk about, um, and I want to dig deeper, um, with Christy in regards to even— she's mentioned how her family and friends, you know, thought she was nuts and all that kind of good stuff with the sudden changes that she was making, but really want to help you, you know, understand what she experienced, what she went through, and then what she's been able to accomplish after the storm. So we will be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity. Creativity, so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern Time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/shuttingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are having a very lively conversation all about overcoming your self-imposed limitations with Christy Rutherford. The president of Live Up Leadership, a leadership development and training company. Please be sure to go out and connect with her, LinkedIn with her in some way, shape, or form, because I'm telling you, like I mentioned at the top of the hour, when you find someone who really provides very deep, you know, insightful, usable, action-oriented type of advice and tips and insights that really do improve your life you definitely want to be sure that you're connected with her. So her website is christierutherford.com. You can always email her. So if there's any chance that, um, there's more information, or maybe your question or your answer to your rich question didn't get addressed, you can always reach out to her. And of course, if you want to leverage her as someone that can be on on your side, your team, to help you with your dreams, your goals, your destiny, and your legacy, then certainly reach out to her. Her Facebook handle is Christy RPPC, Christy RPPC, and her Twitter handle is Live Up Leaders, and of course Christy Rutherford on LinkedIn. All you really actually need to do is Google Christy Rutherford, Live Up, and you will find her everywhere. So she's very well connected, she's very well, um, marketed, branded. And so reach out to her and be sure to check out her website for all of her resources and ways that you can connect and work with her. Okay, so Chrissy, because I, I loved your raw, you know, your honesty and your, um, your transparency around the impact and the reaction family and friends had to you even thinking about while you're in the planning process leaving your career and how hard that makes the journey, so to speak. Can you paint, can you share with us more about whether it's you or your clients? Because I see this to be one huge reason is the perceptions of everyone around you and it's why so many people don't do what they wanna do. To be happy because they're so concerned about everyone and what they think of them.

Yeah, most people look for support for their dreams. You're looking for people to— the people that you care about to support you and to see you for who you are. And you build this, this brand. Like, think about Kate Spade. She built this brand of who she is and who the world thinks she is, but that's not That's not Kate Spade the human. So sometimes people can see you for the brand that you create and they forget about the human. And even if you've created the success in your life and you think about how your family views you and how you want to be responsible and how— yeah, I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. So, so that's how they saw me. And to, to be the person that says, you know what, I don't want to do this anymore. Well, what do you want to do? I'm not sure. Well, what are you going to do? I don't know. Because still not willing to admit the peril that I was in. And so, so that was tough. So, so what I did, I stopped, I stopped explaining it because nobody's gonna get it. They kept trying to talk me out of it. Or the people who say, oh, that's nothing, listen to what happened to me. So nobody listened. So I'm telling you, I'm, I'm incinerating. I'm telling you that I am burned out. I'm telling you all these things, but people kept saying, uh, that's nothing. Listen, listen, you know, listen to what happened to me. Or you only have a year. Or think about the money that you make, or willing to allow people to talk us out of who we can be and the greatest version of— because, because who I was 5, 6 years ago, I mean, one of my friends told me, Christy, I didn't agree with you when you left. I thought you were nuts, but now I see. So it took 5 years for him to see that it was the right decision. But had I not made the decision and then work and let the results show for, for who they were going to be, then people will still hold you hostage to who they think you are and the life that you should have, and you surrender what you want to make other people happy, right?

Well, and don't you see, because I've spoken about this to other people, do you find too that, um, not only are they concerned about yourself, um, and you know, they want you to be safe and they want to protect you, but at the same time they're also protecting themselves because they're not able and willing to do the work and make those changes and make those sacrifices, so they don't want you to change. Because they think if you change and they stay in the same place, then, you know, there'll be— distance will be created. Um, and so they subconsciously even hold you back.

Bernadette, can you, can you expand on that for 2 minutes? I'm going through a tunnel, so I'm sure the phone is going to hang up, so I do apologize for your audience.

Oh, that's okay, that's okay. So yeah, um, so for those listening, um, and Chrissy will jump back in when she's, um through the tunnel. But, uh, and, and that's actually a very good visual for all of us to have as you're going through changes and as you're willing and you're putting yourself out there. And like she said, once you start seeing it, writing it, and living it, whatever that dream, that goal, that destiny, um, you have for yourself, you are going to shift. You are going to start changing, and that's uncomfortable for other people. It's uncomfortable because it makes them nervous that you are going to change and you might move away from them physically, literally, you know, whatever the case might be, or figuratively, I meant to say. It could be the fact that, well, they're somewhat envious or kind of afraid because you're willing and you're able and you're taking that leap of faith, and yet they're still stuck. They're still where they are. And basically, you know, as she was— other people, external people, factors, anything cannot keep you and should not hold you back from you doing what you need to do for yourself. And I think if we had each one of us really going and pursuing our happiness and our joy and all the things that Christy talked about earlier, then we're only going to make everyone around us happier and joyful and much better people. So, and it would be a much better world if we all realize that we have to take care of ourselves. And if we take care of ourselves, almost like when you're on a plane, they tell you, you know, put the mask on yourself first before helping others. That's not because they want you to, to live and everybody else die. It's more so, so you could be there and be in the best place physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally to help those other people. And then those other people will be taken care of as well. So, um, I agree.

The phone didn't hang up, by the way. Yeah, but had I not said it, you know, I dropped the call and now we would have been talking. You'd have been like, what happened to Christy?

So yeah, no, I would have known and you would have called back in. Trust me, you know, nowadays with technology and us being such busy people, we all have, you know, our things that we need to be doing. So our audience understands that. So, um, all right. Um, so I, I, you know, if you wanted to expound on that, you know, feel free, please.

Yeah, it's two things. Is sometimes people attach— and TDJ said it best— is sometimes people attach their destiny to yours. So whenever you change what you want to do in life, now they don't know how they're going to survive. So I had a lot of people— because I mentored a lot of people— so they were like, what will we do when you leave? And I'm thinking I'm gonna die if I stay. So sometimes people will hold you hostage to who they want you to be because they've attached their destiny to yours, and if you change gears, that means that they're lost. So I don't— I'm not sure if it's quote-unquote selfish or whatever, but sometimes— I mean, I remember my mentors were leaving, I was devastated, and I said the same thing. Why are you leaving? Yeah, until I became that person, I'm like Okay, I'm leaving. And then with family, it's— they really think that they are doing you a service, or they think that it's what's best for you. Well, only you know what's best for you. Nobody really knows. You're not admitting or confessing, hey, I'm freaking miserable. Yeah, you're not saying I have all of this stuff. Yes, you see, I have all these things. I have all this external success. I have all this, you know, the money and the cars and all these things that you think that find success, but on the inside I'm dying, and on the inside I'm really miserable. On the inside I'm drinking wine every night when I go home because my life sucks. That's what you don't see. Yeah, so you're, you're holding me hostage to what you don't know how I feel. And so we're always looking for somebody to support our feelings or understand, and we're not confessing the fully. But even if you confess it do they even hear you?

Right, right, right, right. Yep. And, and, you know, and I don't know about you, but should you care if they hear you? Because you still need to say it. They, you know, you can't force someone to change. You can't force someone to, to, you know, you can't control anyone. So you just have to say it, and if they get it, great. If they don't, you still have to like live what you have to live.

I've learned to stop talking. I've learned to stop talking. Like, I won't— like, I don't— I'm not going to defend the decision that I make to save my life. I'm not going to defend the decision. And but people still want you to. Like, they are waiting, right? They are waiting for you to justify to them a decision that you're making for your life. I changed the subject. I told my client that's in Kenya that she's made the decision to leave her job. And I mean, we were coaching for 2 months, she jumped off a cliff. She sold her house, quit her job, uh, sold her condo, and moved back to where she's from. And she's so happy. And so I taught her to don't justify the decision that you made. Don't tell people why you moved home or what's going on, or, or any— you don't have to, you don't have to explain to anybody. And I told her, this is the key, change the subject. People will get out of your business when you change the subject. Oh, did you see the game last night? Or what happened on the news? People are so short-sighted that— and the thing about it is they want to get in your business, and now you feel like crap because you've told the story of being, you know, harassed or abused or whatever. So they walk away informed, and now you feel like crap. So you can have a great day, and they bring up the subject, and now you go down into the dumps with them and they walk away just knowing your business and now you feel like crap and now you have to pick yourself up off the floor or you have to drink wine or do whatever to get back up, right? It's easier just not to say anything. I don't, I don't even talk. I just, I stare at people and I don't say anything and they're like, okay, so you're not even— I'm not even willing to have the discussion.

Yeah, well, and I have found too that you can kind of disarm someone by simply, you know, being like— because it is, it makes me really happy. I mean, who, who in their right mind is going to come back and go, well, that's stupid? You know, it's kind of like, oh my gosh. Anyway, um, okay, so one thing I want, um, I want to kind of, uh, come back around to because, um, I, I don't want it to fall on anybody's deaf ears because we tend to delete a lot of things when we're, you know, listening to programs and whatnot. But what, what Christy said, and Christy, what you said about You brought Kate Spade up. And so I go back to actually apologize that I didn't kind of ask us to just reflect and say prayers for those in our lives that might be suffering. Because individuals like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, here are people that many of us, every one of us are probably thinking, oh, they have all the money, they travel, they have all the lavishes of life, and here they take their own lives. So to what Christy said, we don't know what's going on inside someone's heart and what's inside someone's mind, and therefore what you're looking at and judging and assessing and ripping apart due to external materialistic factors, tangible factors, you'd be best to kind of go inward and realize you don't know what goes on in people's Lives. And, and I loved what you were saying, Christy, because I think it's important that, you know, even your family members, the people closest to you, the person in bed with you, they may not know what, what you're really truly dealing with. And you can either share it with them, or to Christy's point, if they're not supportive of it or they're not hearing it, you just need to then kind of put your hand up and say thank you very much and go find the support and the help and and your destiny, as Christy says. Would that be a good summary of that discussion, Christy?

Absolutely. I think that when you— and I do want to apologize to the listening audience for the sound quality. I'm in a car, so, you know, we scheduled this appointment 2 months ago. I didn't know where I would be, so I had to ride north. So I do apologize for that, but But to, to your point, you don't know the silent suffering. So I did, I did a show, I call it The Suffocating Effects and the Silent Screams of Success. Unless you've been successful and you've been at the top, what people call the top, you can't really talk about what's going on. Because one, you, you have two sets of people. The people who don't care— oh, when you're, you're a billionaire, you're having problems, who cares, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, you know, you're riding around in a Maserati or a Bentley, I wish I had your money. Then, then I would deal with your problems better than you're doing. Right. So, so you have that group of people who don't care because they don't have what you have. So they don't even see you. And so again, it's not— it's the human being, not the brand. People see the brand. You don't— you stop seeing the person.

Right.

And then you're going to have the people who just want to say, you know, it's going to be OK. And no, like, can you really— and are you to have that brand? Can you really get diagnosed with something? Because how is that going to work? Oh, she's depressed. Oh, she has— I wrote a post and I said everybody thinks that money will make you happy, and I'm here to say it doesn't. Like, not only, you know, I learned that having all my marbles, which is what we talked about earlier, and peace is, you know, what brings success and happiness. And some people said, well, 'People, you know, people don't commit suicide because they have money.' I said, 'That's not what I said.' And they said, 'Well, people who are depressed or bipolar are the ones who commit suicide.' And I said, 'Well, sometimes success and climbing the ladder and clawing your way to success is what can create the depression.' But can she be labeled— can a person be labeled as being depressed? And I was unwilling to wear that label, let me say that. When I had some stuff going on and, you know, my career is melting down and it's— but I don't— at the time I didn't know it was the law of attraction. Because I'm in the storm. I don't know what this side looks like. Yeah, and my brain is melting, and I'm drinking wine every night because I had to be numb. My life sucked. And I went to a therapist, but it had to be anonymous. Couldn't write my name on a piece of paper. I could— and they gave me an office that was like— because I called the EAP, the 1-800 hotline, was like, I got something going on. And they gave me a therapist like a mile from my office. And I said, I can't be seen here.

Nobody know.

Because people saw my brand. So, so the human was dying and suffering, and I kept trying to be, you know, undercover and, "Somebody help me, please!" But, and still then, they weren't listening. Like, nobody heard me, and I felt like I was just screaming on, on, and nobody could hear me. Like a fish on dry land, just, just suffocating in what I created.

Right.

Damn.

Well, and you know, and I think what she also is pointing out to everybody is you have to find help no matter what. You just have to kind of make it work for what, you know, you need to, what your situation is. But find the help. And like her, if you have to find it in another state, in another city, because you can't have it visible, or you, you know, don't, you know, get the help because you deserve to get the help. Okay, I want to switch gears a little bit. Um, I want to talk about, because when I saw this I was like, oh, this is such a great— and I know, I know it's a brand, it's a theme. At the same time, I love the underpinning of it. Um, but you have a program and you wrote a book about corporate feminology, and I love that. Could you give us a little tidbits on it before we, uh, take our next break? And then we'll have time to come back and talk about it.

Yeah, Corporate Feminology. So I wrote Corporate Feminology and the book is coming out next week. It's 2 months behind. And because I couldn't— there's something about writing books like ice cream that I had to join Weight Watchers because I had too much ice cream. So then I had to delay the book, but that's a side note. Kind of funny. But Corporate Feminology is about successful women. I'm going to these women empowerment events and they always talk about the challenges women are having. And one lady talked about 80% of women don't make it to executive level because their husbands don't wash the dishes or their husbands don't keep the kids. And X number of women, African American women, make the least amount of money in anybody in the world. And it made me mad because I'm like, I thought I was here to be empowered. I'm not. You turned down my light bulb. I'm leaving this room depressed. So I left early because nobody spoke to winning. And when I go to events that are gender-neutral or mostly male-dominated events, because I worked in a male-dominated work environment, they only talk about winning. They don't talk about the challenges. So if we're sitting around just— yeah, if all we're talking about is gender bias, double bonds, why women don't get ahead, why women lose, why women don't make it through, you're not feeding— you're not giving me any tangible way to get out of this hole. So Don't talk to me about what happened to the 80%. Tell me what the 20% did, right? When the first woman president of the New York Stock Exchange in 286 years or so— tell me what she did. Don't talk about the 286-year gap. Tell me what the one did that got there, because she had something. She has a recipe and a secret for success. So Corporate Feminology for me is shifting the lane, shifting the terms, and shifting the language and the conversation around what it took to be successful. So I featured—

so I have Volume 1 and Volume 2.

I had to split it up because 'cause it was too long, but the first book is 18 women, so I got 36 women total that graduated from Harvard Business School, 36 women from 25 countries, and these women are amazing. One of them is now the first Saudi Arabian woman to ever be appointed to the commerce, the, something with the commerce over in Saudi Arabia. I've messed that up because I don't have my notes in front of me, but so, and then one, Kholiwe, was the country leader of South Africa for Oracle, and now she's one for a large software company out of Germany. So to be the country leader of a large IT firm once, but to get it twice. So these are the stories that I want to talk about. These are the stories where we talk about the challenges that we had. So if you learn that ambitious women and powerful women have the exact same challenges around the world, then it shows women these— okay, so I'm not by myself. I'm not the only one that's fighting. In this job. I'm not the only one who feels lonely at the top. I'm not the only one who has these secret fears. So kind of exposing those things, those things and those challenges that I had in my career, and I was suffocating because I thought I was by myself. I didn't know that there was an ambitious woman in China and one in Paris and one in South Africa, exact same challenges. So now it makes me say, I'm in a good club, I'm in the winner's circle. I'm by myself here, but I'm not by myself. And that's the difference in— and what we need is to see we're not by ourselves.

Yep, yep. And, and so how do you go about, apart from the book that you wrote, but how do you go about in your daily, weekly, monthly life, both business and personal, to kind of build that posse, build that— some people call it a tribe, some people call it whatever— but how do you go about ensuring that you are surrounding yourself with people that help you understand you're not, you know, you're not alone. They build you up. They, you know, understand, they have like-minded beliefs around, you know, kind of owning your own journey, so to speak. But what, how do you go about building that network?

One of the things that I do is I only surround myself with people who are winning, people, other leaders, and people who are serving. And one of the things that I've learned when I left my career and the friends that I thought I had Because when people hold you hostage to who they want you to be, when you change that, or you, or you change and say that a normalized dysfunctional— excuse me, a normalized dysfunctional is no more acceptable. Like, for us to sit around and complain about our jobs for 10 years is not normal, right? So to say I'm gonna leave that, you're now saying that what is our norm is now not acceptable to you anymore. So now when I meet people We are all on the same path to serve. We, we speak life into each other. These women can celebrate me publicly. I don't have to worry about who's talking about me behind my back. I don't have to worry about whether or not somebody's going to stab me in the back when I do something. I don't have to worry about, you know, I know what they'll say about me, uh, what they say about me to other people privately, because they can talk about me publicly in a great light, you know what I'm saying? So all these things with friends, when you don't know if your friends are really your friends And then it's also about being around people who aren't as needy. Like, I can't— I'm working on my destiny. I'm working to impact the world. So I can't pick you up off the floor if you're at 30% or if you're at 50 and you're not willing to get up. So we're all at about 90%, but we give each other 1%. Okay, I got 1% to give you. So, so I'm not spending 2 hours on the phone for years trying to pick you up. I can't do that anymore. I can't afford to invest that energy into someone who's not going to move to be who they're meant to be. So the women that I surround myself with now, and the men, we're all working towards becoming greater and serving on a higher level and really living in our destiny and our purpose.

Right. Now, I think I want to clarify something though. I think what you're saying too is you're not saying that if someone's out there and they're listening and they're kind of feeling kind of dark and blue and, and just need somebody to kind of lift them up, you're not saying that they can't reach out to you and you could— you can't help them? What you're saying is, oh, if after— if through your assessment of them or after you start working with them, you realize that they are just not doing the work, they're not willing to make the sacrifices, they're not willing to push themselves into an uncomfortable place to find comfort, then you just need to cut your ties because you can't— you can't do it for them. Is that right?

Yeah, but you know, I have friends who—

who—

like one of my clients who I mean, when she— I had been watching her spiral down for a year because I know what it looks like. I did it, right? So, so I— and I kept trying to intercede, like, hey, you know, this— it can't continue, and this isn't going to go well. You need to do something different. And when she fell under the ground, I mean, she hit the bottom and created a crater on the ground. And when— and she was like, uh, Chrissy, I'm done, and I just want to go to Hawaii, and you know, I'll take you with me, I'll sponsor your trip, you just coach for an hour a day, we'll go for 10 days. Okay, great, well let's do that. So really, so for her it was she was serving so much that she burned out. So, so there's a difference between people, people who are winning, right? And you're like, I created my own demise, I did that. Did you hear my bio? So yeah, right, you have women who win, right? And, and even though I'm doing all that, all of that stuff, I'm mentoring 70 people. I created the exhaustion and burn out. The boss just added to, you know, another layer that I just couldn't take anymore. So you have those women. Yeah, I'll talk to them all day and save them from what they're doing, which is take the time to fill your cup first. Now you have the people who aren't serving anybody and they just want to complain, and they're not going to take action. They just want to, you know, you to spend 2 hours on the phone with them, and they won't do one thing to change. And if 6 months to a year later you're still having the same conversation Yeah, that's what I thought you meant.

Yeah, because I've had to, what I'll call, fire clients because I just, you know, no money is good money. And you need to be, for those listening, you need to be committed into your journey. Not to say it will be easy and not to say you won't have challenges, but you have to be willing to at least make an effort to to do the work, so to speak. Um, now I want to— I want you to share with everyone, you have a free 3-part video series, uh, that will teach women how to learn the game, break the rules, and claim their seat. Tell us a little bit about that, and, and at the same time, uh, where might they be able to find that?

Oh yay! Yeah, the, the, the Corporate Feminology, Corporate Feminology video. So I made 3 videos, and really I want to talk about the, the play— there's a game being played in leadership, whether you want to acknowledge that as one being played or not. I mean, do you agree? Yes, there is strategy all over the world. Even the stuff that I saw in my career, I can coach my client that's out in Singapore and the one that's in France, the one like in South Africa. Coach, it is the exact same roadmap and game to success. So it's about leadership presence— what are the videos on? Leadership presence, communication, and also strategy. So A lot of women want to be promoted, or a lot of women want raises, but if the powers that be, or people don't know you exist, you can't say, "I want a raise because I've been here for 5 years." What have you won, demonstrated? Who do you know? So, what is their strategy around getting a promotion? It's about already performing at the level of that job and building relationships with the people who are the decision makers. But if they don't know you exist, you sitting and thinking that you're going to get this promotion is outrageous. Ages. So that's what I talk about is how to, how to learn. So Picasso says, learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist. So that's really what it is. So I want to teach women the rules around and, and stop settling for what people say you can't have, or listening to the 80% who haven't done. You can do it, but you have to be strategic, strategic, and you have to know the rules around getting promoted and getting the things that you want. That's what I talk about in that video series.

Nice. All right, so I have a URL. We'll make sure that we're sharing it out on our post about, about the episode. But is it— do they go back to christyrutherford.com and find it somewhere there?

Yep, they can. They can go to christyrutherford.com and then they can click on 3 free videos.

Okay, great.

And then they can get it there. The link will take them straight there.

Awesome. And again, everybody, you need to go to ChristyRutherford.com just to overall learn more about her, look at her resources, learn how you can engage her. And her Facebook handle is ChristyRPPC, but just do Christy Rutherford, you'll find her. Twitter handle is LiveUpLeaders. And LinkedIn with her because— and then follow her and because— like I said, she provides a lot of good tips and advice and her posts are very valuable versus just being almost like, you know, fun updates. We were talking about that before we joined or before the broadcast went live. Any last parting words for our audience?

Yeah, thanks. I want to thank you for inviting me to your show and I have had a Fantastic and phenomenal, Tom. And again, thank you for your patience, Bernadette, with the background noise. And but we are— that's okay. Awesome.

That's okay.

One of the things—

yeah, one of the things that I want to leave your audience, and this is something I told my client the other day, was she didn't feel— so she, she— on creating a routine, like her life was in disarray and tornado and all these other kind of things, but she talked about— we talked about creating a routine, and she led with her feelings first. She let the thoughts come first. So thoughts plus feelings equal action. So we talked about getting out of the bed and meditating and journaling and doing an exercise and doing these things. Well, she labeled her thoughts first, I don't want to do it, which led to feelings in her body, you know, this bed is really cozy at 5 o'clock in the morning, I don't want to do it. And then which led to the actions where she didn't do it for 2 weeks. Well, last week she did it, and, and I took 2 pages of notes from our call on how much her life had changed and how much better she was able to show up as a mom, how much better she was able to show up as a wife, how much, how much work she got done and how many books that she had read, the homework, because I gave a lot of homework because she led with the action first.

Just get up.

So the action is going to drive the thought, which is going to give you the feeling of good feeling. So don't do it backwards. So lead with the action first. So even if you don't feel like moving, even if you don't feel like doing whatever because you, you naturally by nature want to stay comfortable. It's about you have to be willing to get uncomfortable in order for your life to change. You have to be willing to go against the grain. You have to be willing to make a decision to save your own life and not look for everybody to support you and cheer you on when you make a decision to change your life, because only you know what's going to make you happy. I mean, we chase all these external things that if I get this house and this watch, these, these things make me happy, and you're not. Well, think about what's going to make you happy.

Yep.

Woohoo!

Alright, thank you so much to Christy Rutherford. I appreciate you taking the time to join us. That was fabulous. Okay, so everyone, next week Meredith Elliott Powell will join us to talk about how to turn strategy into action, learn how to lead strategically, execute effectively, and predict your future by Creating It. That's next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. I want to thank our guest Christy Rutherford, and I want to thank Deborah Parker of Parker House Virtual Services, and wish all of you a very rich, prosperous week. And I will look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everyone, have a great—

thank you, thank you, have a great week.

You too, Christy.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.