Unsupportive Bosses Suck, What Can You Do?

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/Shedding The Bitch, or share your stories on our website at settingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this Tuesday, the day after Memorial Day of 2019. It's also a very confusing day. Both Deborah and I were just talking before we came on air about the fact that we both thought it was Monday because you get into that, right? It's, you know, a long weekend, which, you know, we welcome a lot, but a long weekend and everything's all of a sudden thrown off. So we both woke up this morning thinking it was Monday and then realizing it's Tuesday and that we have the program. So here we are, here we are, here we are. I do hope that you had a very beautiful, fun, cool— I hope you had a cool Memorial Day wherever you are, at least in the country and then around the world, honoring those people no matter what country you live in, honoring those people who are serving and keeping you safe, keeping all of us safe. Safe and sound. Past, current, and even those future soldiers, military, all the services, organizations, anyone that is looking to serve our country. I hope you had an opportunity to just kind of close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say a prayer, a poem, a thank you to all of those that give their lives and give their service to the country and keep us all safe. So I hope you had a wonderful one. It was blistering hot here in Atlanta. I was just telling Deborah that I had 6 dogs with me since last Wednesday, and I thought, oh my gosh, it was— as of Wednesday of last week, it was going— getting into the low 90s temperature-wise. And of course, Atlanta, it's always hot, like steamy, very, very— the humidity level's always very high. So I thought, oh, 6 dogs, poor things, what am I going to do? You know, they're not going to be able to hang out all day long. But they were actually great. We got into a routine where I get them out first thing in the morning, like at 6:00, 6:30 in the morning. Let them have their run and have their fun and then bring them into the air conditioning until the, at least the backyard got shaded and then let them out again. But it's been blistering hot. It's been anywhere from 92 to 95 since last Wednesday and it's expected to be through the first week of June, which means we're in the summer. So it'll be for the rest of the summer. But I do know and I want to do some shoutouts and send some prayers out to all of those people all across the country, but especially in the Midwest, who are dealing with this unbelievable week-long series of tornadoes and storms of all kinds and just devastating, devastating entire communities, let alone lives. So our prayers go out to all of you. Please know that we are thinking of you. And we are praying for you and we are hoping that you are finding healing through this process because it, you know, it certainly can't be easy. And the devastation that I see on the news also almost makes me want to turn it off, quite honestly, but at the same time I force myself to look at it because that's reality is what all of you are dealing with. So if there's anything ever that the Shedding the Bitch community can do to help you, bring you peace, bring you some degree of a smile, of joy, of hope, then please feel free to reach out to us. You can, you know, come right onto the program, call 1-818-572-2910, share your story, cry with us, yell with us. Do whatever you need to. You can also email me, BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com, should you, you know, have a request or need something that the community can help you with. Our hearts, our hearts, our hearts are with you. And, you know, the fires in, you know, in California and out west, to the tornadoes and storms, and even to the heat, to the heat that we're dealing with in the South right now. I stopped by to pick up a gallon of water for the dogs to take to the park with me. Landed up that there was several gallons of water there. So I had seen a note on Nextdoor.com about the women's shelter had been closed yesterday. So there were these group of women— this was yesterday now— a group of women in the scorching heat outside right by the women's shelter they're probably sitting there pleading that, you know, somebody would come by and open it, but I don't know if they did or not. But this morning I felt the same, you know, the same pain for them, so I went by to give them the gallon of water and some fruit and bananas that I had picked up to actually for me to bring home to the house, but I remembered these, the ladies, and went by. It turned out that the shelter was open, so they were all inside. But as I'm driving home, there was a tent set up, and it's a tent that's kind of known to a lot of people here in Midtown. It's normally set up around the 17th Street Bridge, and I never ever saw the person, male, female, whatever, that lived in that tent, but it's always sitting on top of this bridge on 17th Street, and no one seems to bother it. But with the scorching sun, They obviously moved it down under a bridge on 14th. And so as I was coming back from the shelter this morning, I saw that the tent had been moved. So I pulled over on a very, very heavy, heavy, heavy traffic street. Fortunately, it wasn't so heavy being the day after Memorial Day. And I left the water and bananas and I simply yelled out, hey, I'm leaving you water and some fruit for you and happy Memorial Day. And I got back in my car and as I'm driving away I see it's a young woman, it's a young woman that lives in that tent and she, you know, immediately had opened the tent and taken the fruit and the water. And the water, thank God, it was scorching, or not scorching, was freezing cold because I just had bought it from a freezer at the gas station. So whatever you might be dealing with today, Mother Nature or any internal bitches that might be just wreaking havoc on your hope and your joy and your happiness, just know the Shedding the Bitch community is here and let us know how we can help. All right, let's see, on to other things. We've had some great episodes. Thank you all so very much. I was just sharing with Deborah that I just came on last week for about 20, 25 minutes maybe and just vented about a situation that I had had. I had a breast cancer scare through my mammogram that I had had last month, and it just kind of— the whole experience I discussed last week on, on the program, and I just needed an opportunity to kind of share that and just share also my gratitude, my thankfulness, and in not only the people around me, but the people I don't know, and just my faith as well. Because, you know, I've learned over the years more than ever that if I have— when I have my faith and I keep my faith and my God close to me, I can get through anything. So I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to use the program last week to kind of dump that out onto all of you. And what kind of was nice to see is that in the short week we had over 800 downloads of that podcast, of that episode. So maybe the faith, gratitude, and thankfulness and peace title to that particular episode drew a lot of people in and they too were looking for the same. So I hope that brought you some, some comfort and some understanding and some ways to relate as well. We've also had some other discussions about thinking age sucks and aging, getting old sucks, but what freedom it brings you. Our Ask Me Anything episode, which is the first Tuesday of every month, therefore it'll be next Tuesday, but this first week of May We talked about a number of things. We talked about the interviewing dos and don'ts if you're going out on an interview, and if you haven't been able to find a job or secure a job and maybe you need to kind of consider your effectiveness in interviews. And then we talked about perceptions, you know, other people's perceptions of you, your perceptions of others, how you can influence it, how you can shift, and how you can, change people's realities because perception is reality to another person. So we discussed all of that and a number of other things. And then we had a conversation about the top 3 questions you should ask when carving out your career or business path and a number of other discussions. So go out to sheddingthebitch.com, scroll down on the home page, you'll find the radio button. You can also go out to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio, and you'll get all of our episodes there, as well as on iTunes and Apple Podcast. So I want to thank everybody for all of your great participation and inclusion in our community. It's, it's been very, very rewarding for not only myself but for Deborah and the whole community. And we're here for you, so if you ever have a suggestion, an idea, a topic, if you know of someone that you think would make a great interview, feel free to also share that to me at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com. And like I said, next Tuesday is the first Tuesday of June, if you can believe that, and therefore you can go to Facebook or Twitter and post your story, question, or challenge that you might be having., and I'll answer it right away, but at the same time I'll also bring it here onto the program and we can discuss it even further. And you have an opportunity to join us on the program live should you want to, and you can join us anytime at 1-818-572-2910 should you want to talk with us and have your story or challenge or question delved into. So that will be next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. But today we're talking about what happens when your boss doesn't support you, and it really sucks when that happens. And as an executive coach, and I'm not necessarily a career coach, but I do a lot of coaching, you know, of individuals about their jobs, about their goals, about their performance, about their productivity in the workplace. So it tends to bleed over into career advice as well. So in this particular situation, I had someone come to me about the fact that their boss just doesn't seem to support them in any way, shape, or form. And granted, it's a relatively new boss. At the same time, you know, she feels that there's been enough, you know, a passing of time, number of months that the boss has been on board to where they would be demonstrating any kind of degree of support and yet have not. So we're going to talk about what you can do in those situations when you're not being supported. So what I want you to be thinking about are rich questions around that subject, and for those of you joining us for the first time, Uh, we like to ground you in a question that you— regarding the subject that you could be thinking about as it pertains to you, and that way you can already be doing some work on trying to apply, uh, the topic of discussion and the tips and the advice that we're providing into your life. And into your life meaning it could be at your job, it could be in your relationships, it could be about your money. It could be about your own business. It could be about a number of things. So your RICH question I want you to be thinking about around this subject is, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest or most supportive, 1 being the least, where would you rate your boss? How supportive or unsupportive are they on a scale of 1 to 10? Now what's important about this is one, to actually ask yourself that question as opposed to struggling with it potentially on a day-in, day-out basis. You have to kind of get grounded in the honesty about it. You know, if they are a 3, then you have to kind of acknowledge that, not just then and bitch and complain about it, but you have to acknowledge that. If they're an 8, you also want to acknowledge that. And we talk about the fact that we don't always want to focus on our bitches, but we also want to honor our riches. So if you have a great situation with your boss and they are very supportive of you, maybe they're, you know, 8, 9, even a 10 maybe, then also it's good to kind of relish in that and be grateful and thankful for that. At the same time, you might want to go to your boss and, you know, give them a little, you know, high five and thank them knowing that over 99% of employees 99% of employees are very frustrated and unhappy in the workplace because they don't feel like they get the support that they need. That's outrageous. That is absolutely outrageous to me. But what that also points out to me is there are a lot of bosses, managers out there. There aren't a lot of leaders out there, and we'll talk about that as well. But your rich question right now simply to focus on is on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least, 10 being the most, how would you rate your boss as far as how supportive they are of you? And what that means too is supportive of your goals, supportive of your enrichment, supportive of your advancement, supportive of you taking on new challenges, all those kind of things. How supportive are they? If you are Facebooking or tweeting with us, you can use hashtags #badboss or #badbosses, bad bosses, or hashtag #shedthebitch, and you can even hashtag #careeradvice should you choose to. When we get back, we're going to delve into this conversation, and I'm going to get you some specific tips and strategies you can use right now should you be dealing with a difficult or unsupportive boss. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon, Sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@parkerhouseservices.com. Deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. I was a little late in getting some water, so excuse my gulping in your ear. Um, we are talking about unsupportive bosses, and they could fall in the vein of a bad boss, but a bad boss also has a number of other things that we're going to talk about. That, you know, isn't necessarily just lacking of support. So, you know, you could have a boss that is a bully, a bully boss. You could have a boss that is a micromanager, and those are variations of a bad boss. But then there's this subtle kind of attitude of a boss, and that is this, you know, just a lack of support. And even just that, say they didn't have a bad attitude, say they didn't, they weren't a bully, say they weren't micromanagers, but they just simply don't support you. That can even be more damaging to you and your work and your career and your company than someone who is more advertly a bad boss in that they have a bad attitude or are a bully or they micromanage. So let's look at some scenarios of what it means subtly and then very overtly around someone just not supporting you. So say you're in a meeting and any time— and you're in a meeting and your boss is present and you happen to bring up ideas or, you know, you add to the conversation or you even initiate a discussion. And your boss just dismisses you, cuts you off, turns to another person instead of you. Maybe they even, you know what, you know, poo-poo— you can tell I have dogs around me— poo-poo on your ideas and they— and shoots them down, just doesn't seem to ever, ever support your contribution that you're trying to make. Maybe— and this was one of the situations with the person who brought me this issue. Maybe they were tagged or even approved, however your company may look at it, to participate in a training program. And it was, you know, it was offered up to, you know, a certain group of people that this individual or you fit into. And therefore, there's no cost, there's no— nothing that really needs to be approved by your boss because it's a company-wide type of thing., and yet they do not allow you or approve you to participate in that program. And even go as far— going as far as that program is very beneficial, would be very beneficial to your development, to your enrichment, to your advancement in not only your job but more so in your skill set. That would be one telling sign that someone's not supporting you. Maybe you propose, you know, an idea, special project, some training that would help you kind of round your skill set out, and they don't even want to hear about it, let alone approve it, you know, whether there's an expense tied to it or travel or time out of the office, whatever the case might be. One of the biggest areas, and it goes back to that 99% that I had mentioned, that is very subtle but yet so agitating and so damaging to an employee's morale and psyche and development is that your boss just, you know, doesn't even, doesn't even sit down and really coach you or mentor you or even constructively give you feedback through your performance reviews. I can't tell you how many of colleagues, whether they're colleagues, they're clients, whether they're just friends, and we'll, you know, talk about kind of their raises or bonuses or yearly advancements, and they tell me that their boss won't even sit down and formally go through any type of discussion with them regarding their performance. Absolutely, absolutely unacceptable. But more so than that, it's just very demoralizing for any employee and definitely, definitely is showing a lack of support for that employee. And now a lot of times their lack of support isn't even evident to you. So say you fall in one of those three or four scenarios. There's a fifth scenario that you might not even be aware of, and that, and that is when they are behind closed doors and your name or an opportunity comes up and they, they're never throwing your name into the hat. Now, on the flip side of that, um, back in February, uh, actually February 26th, we had an episode regarding what the difference is between coaches like myself, mentors and sponsors. So opposite of that, of this unsupportive boss who behind closed doors won't even advocate for you, there are sponsors that you can kind of align yourself with within companies. They're not formally deemed sponsors. They're just someone who line up and align with you as your sponsor, kind of untitled. But what that means is that behind closed doors, without you ever knowing it, they are fighting for you and advocating for you and talking you up and positioning you to whomever has influence regarding new projects or advancements or whatever the case might be. But the more damaging, you know, angle of that, of an unsupportive boss is when behind closed doors, you don't know what's happening. They're not even— they're not even stepping up for you. And not knowing that is even more hurtful, you know, personally and professionally. Because if you ever— if you're sitting at the same desk doing the same job, not just for a year but for 2 years, for 3 years, and and you're wondering why because outwardly or externally they don't— they're not necessarily doing one of those other 4 scenarios. They're not, you know, cutting you off in meetings. They're not not letting you participate in group training sessions. They're not shooting down necessarily your ideas for the company. But yet behind closed doors they're still not stepping up and advocating for you. That's even more troubling for me. That's even more troubling of a boss, you know, managing an individual and treating them that way. So one, if you really want to understand the type of advocates that you could be lining yourself up with to help your career or if you own your own business, then go back to that February 26th episode of Coaches, Mentors, and Sponsors, and it'll give you some really great ideas and tips for how you could be building your own support system. Um, and we'll talk more about this in a minute, but you— it'll give you some great tips for how you can be ensuring that you're aligning yourself up with people that will provide you the support that you need. Okay, so why would someone— why would a boss who's— okay, so a boss, we talked about managers versus leaders. So a boss slash manager is supposed to be a leader. They're supposed to be an individual who is putting their people first, who are heavily focused on on their development, of their enrichment, of their advancement. You know, those three things I'm always talking about with my clients. It's amazing to me that I have to specifically talk to them about those different aspects of their role with employees. But yet so many of them fail to be— to move into that area of leadership. They just simply are bosses or managers. And why is that? Well, I can tell you why it's not, because this is one situation that this is not about you. This is not about you or the employee. This is about that individual. And I'm even going as far as saying that even if the employee is a problem, Okay, and we're going to talk about this more in a little bit, but say the employee is— does create a problem to where the boss doesn't want to support them. Well, who's at fault? The employee or the boss? For me, as an executive coach who day in, day out watches the dynamics and supports and tries to coach and mentor on, on the dynamics between bosses and employees. I view it as it's the boss's fault. It's the employee's accountability, but it's the boss's responsibility because the boss is there to be a coach, is to be a mentor, is to be a guide for that individual, and therefore if that individual is acting out or lacking of performance to where that, that boss can support them, then it's up to that boss to then coach and mentor them as far as their performance or lack thereof and give them the tools and the tips and the training and the development needed in order to change their behavior. So we'll talk about the fact that, yes, it's the employee's accountable and therefore there's a role they play, but At the same time, I'll put the spotlight right on the boss. And more so, the reason for the lack of support is not due to the employee, whether good, bad, or indifferent. It has everything to do with the mindset of that boss, of that individual. And keep in mind, bosses are people just like you and I, and they have their own bitches. That consume them. They have their own bitches of insecurity, of, you know, feeling low self-worth, feeling like they don't deserve or didn't earn the position that they're in. They, they, they can be consumed with intimidation, and they could be consumed with, uh, distrust. They just don't trust someone else to do the job that they need to have done, or, and I'll say the intimidation and the lack of confidence in that there's too many bosses out there who don't show support and give support to their employees because then that employee moves up and possibly can even advance further than them, and the next thing you know, that employee is now that boss's boss. Make sense? And throughout my career, I experienced all of it. I experienced where I didn't want to sit in a job for more than 12 to 18 months, and I rarely did. I always looked for opportunities to advance, you know, after like a year and a half. I wanted to be on to the next one. And then I got to the point where I started having employees, and, and remember that my whole world is about shedding the bitch, so I too was guilty of of these bad boss behaviors of giving them just enough to get the job done, but not enough to where they could advance further than me because I wanted to be always the one at the top. And so I'm, you know, I come right from this world of unsupportive bad bosses, both from as an employee and the boss itself, and that's why I can also be very blunt with you as to where their head is at. Their head is consumed with— they're not too busy. They're not, you know, wrapped up and don't have time for their team. If they're a leader, they always make time for their team. If they're a leader, they know how to build into their, you know, day, week agenda time to ensure that they are engaging and relating and building a relationship and coaching and mentoring their employees. And anyone who says that they're not and they try to act really busy and, oh, I have to go to this meeting and then this other meeting and I have to get travel, you know, for the next 3 days and I have to, you know, get home to do this or whatever the case might be, are just one big lie and one big area of avoidance and one big area of a bad boss that just doesn't know how, doesn't know how to connect and relate and engage and collaborate and coach and mentor you. And that's why I put the full responsibility on the boss on the boss, that said. Because if you think about it, what is a leader or what— how should a leader act? And I found these two quotes that I've always kept kind of close in my file, so to speak, because they really do talk to what you should expect as an employee to— from your boss and then what a boss should really be thinking about as to whether or not— and they could even use that scaling that we used as our rich question for today. They can even ask themselves, how supportive am I of my employees on a scale of 1 to 10? And they can use these, you know, quotes from very successful leaders as to how they should measure that. So Rosalynn Carter is famous for this quote. A leader takes people where they want to go. And I emphasize they, that being the employee. A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go but ought to be. Now I had given this quote to a client of mine, this is a couple years back, and she stared at it for a long time. And I'm like, where are you getting hung up? And this client, I should say, this client was a boss, so it was a manager that we're trying— we turned into a leader. I turned into a— helped move into a leader. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go but ought to be. So what does "but ought to be" mean, she asks. Well, again, your career path, you may have one idea of it, but actually it needs to go in a totally different direction than you're thinking in order for it to optimize your skill set and really leverage your talents. And put you in the place where you're going to be the most successful. So, you know, I tend to look at my, you know, my career and my life, and it seems very organic, meaning one thing definitely led kind of directly into another. Nothing really went crazily off course. I'll even say going from a corporate executive to a screenwriter, to me, isn't, you know, really far far to the left or to the right. It was natural that, you know, here I get fired, I write a book about it, and I'm asked to turn that book into a screenplay. But so for me, it seemed very natural because I'm very comfortable going where I, you know, didn't think about, but in just like this quote is stating, I ought to be. And ought to be meaning is Some people have a better idea of where you need to go than you do. They have a, you know, they don't have that mirror of judgment that you're staring at. They don't have that mirror of criticism. They don't have that mirror of self-perception that might be a little foggy. They see you for, you know, who you are, and therefore they may put you up for jobs put you up for relocations, put you up for reassignments that don't make sense to you, but yet they see the bigger picture. They see the more distant future for you. So I love that quote because a great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go but ought to be. However, in my day in, day out, I'm just trying to get to the good leader, the leader, the that takes people where they want to go, that first part of that quote. Because, you know, if I can get them to be that great leader, that's fabulous and that's my goal and that's been, you know, my successes and some missteps. At the same time, majority of bosses/managers, they just need to focus on getting their people where they, the people, want to go. And that means that they need to look out for their goals. They need to look out for their, successes, for their missteps, for their areas of improvement. They need to have a plan. They need to make time. They need to do the coaching and the mentoring, and you need to expect it. And that's going to, that's going to bring us into the next part of the conversation, which is the tips for you as to how you need to take control and you need to take on some work, so to speak, in order for you really to get your current boss to be more supportive and/or find the support that you need. So after we get back from a brief commercial break, we'll talk all about that, but we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, insecurity and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at MediaRelations@va.gov. At sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking unsupportive bosses. It really sucks to have one, but at the same time, there are things that you can do. Now, the first thing though that you need to realize when it comes to addressing this issue is that you can address the issue, but you have to be fully committed to it. You have to know that you're worth the work that you're going to need to put in to change the situation that you're in. You need to value your worth. You need to value your worth not only for yourself but also to the team and to the company as a whole. And you can even throw your boss in there individually as well. You know, you have to recognize the value that you have, and then you have to take action to actually influence a change in all that. But you can do it, and this is going to— these are tips on how you can go about that. Very simply, almost what I'll call tactical versus strategic, very simply, if you need time with your boss and they're— and we're not at a point where they're not giving it to you, but if you need time with them, what you need to do is you need to make time with them. So if they're unsupportive and they're not kind of giving you that one-on-one, they're not providing you coaching, mentoring, you're one in those scenarios where you're being cut off or you're trying to share an idea and it's not being heard and not being considered, or you're making a proposal of something and there just doesn't seem to be interest in it, the first thing I would recommend somebody to do is And what you're going to need to do— let me back up to say what you're going to need to do is make it as easy on your boss as possible. And what I mean by that is you go ahead and set up weekly meetings with that person. You put it— something on their calendar. Make it short and sweet. You know, if— whether it's 20 minutes or 30 minutes. And whatever you do, if it's 20 minutes, make it 20 minutes. If it's 30 minutes, make it 30 minutes. If you need an hour because you're talkative, you know, talkative, then make it the hour, but I would never recommend the hour initially, quite honestly. I'd make it 30 minutes, put it on their calendar, share upfront what a standard agenda would look like for that 30 minutes, and it could be standard. It could be you have updates, you have status that you want to give that, give them. You have requests for help that you need from them, and that's where you're going to focus the 30 minutes. And then you all— you initiate and ensure that those meetings happen. And then when the meetings happen, let's, you know, think positive initially, then you need to take the lead because it's your meeting. They shouldn't all of a sudden come up with what it is that you want to talk about. And you have to be okay with, in the area of, you know, areas for help or requests for help, you need to be upfront and discuss with them any concerns or challenges that you're having, even with them. And but we'll talk, we'll talk about that in just a second. But that is kind of initially what you could try to do. Now, you would hope that any degree of a boss, manager, leader would accept accept that series of appointments. Now, they may come back with questions like why or whatever the case might be, and you need to be open and full disclosure. You know, I want to pick your brain. I need some thought leadership. I need some help. It would just help ensure that I'm working on, you know, what it is that you and I and the team need to be doing. You can come up with a number of, you know, of different responses, and if you need some help, be sure to reach out to me for it. Um, but that's tactically what you can do initially. Now, the other thing that I would suggest to do is make sure that you really have an understanding of where you reside in your team, in the eyes of your boss, by assessing yourself. Is there a— you should be asking yourself, is there a reason why my boss would not be supportive of me? Is there a reason I, you know, I'm being cut off in meetings? Is there a reason why all my ideas are being dismissed? Is there something that I'm doing that's causing this individual to not advocate for me? Because it's not just the boss in this relationship. It's you also. And now here's where your accountability and responsibility lie. Initially, I mentioned that I put the spotlight on the boss, and the boss should have the spotlight on them, but at the same time, so should you, and you need to ensure that you understand your part in it. So you want to be asking yourself, you know, questions like, what do I do well? Where do I contribute? Where do I bring value to the team? Where are my shortfalls? Where are my skills and areas for development that are needed? Very standard questions, almost like a 360 you could do for yourself, is ask yourself, what should I stop doing? What should I start doing? And what, what should I continue to do? What would others say of me? And, and kind of get your own view of yourself, as honest as you could be about yourself. Now, I I'm hired in a lot of cases from bosses because people don't have realistic ideas of themselves. Both they think too highly of themselves, but also that they don't think highly enough of themselves. So be honest and be truthful. We all have faults. We all have strengths. Be honest with yourself. It will help you get the support that you need. Now you can also ask others to provide some input to you. If you don't have formal assessments in your company, for instance, do one for yourself. You know, put together a little brief, you know, survey and go and ask, you know, your peers, colleagues, your clients, your boss. You could even use this as a connection point with your boss. To say, hey, I just really want to have a good understanding of, you know, where I'm adding value and where I can, you know, can work toward adding even more value or where I need to start adding value. And at that same time, I should have mentioned initially, at that same time you could ask your boss or your HR department if there's a formal assessment that you could have done and they can initiate for you so you can get this kind of feedback. And I'm talking beyond your performance review, though that would be a great starting point if you are one of those people that don't get performance reviews from your bosses. That could be one thing you start kind of pushing for is I really would like to sit down and have our performance review discussion so I can understand where, you know, where you need me, where you need me to focus on, where are my strengths and your viewpoints, so forth and so on. So barring that you said that, you can go on and say, you know, and work on doing an assessment for yourself and getting that feedback from other people to then line up to the assessment you did of yourself. Because again, it's amazing that some people have a view of themselves that don't necessarily line up to how other people are seeing them. And that's an area that I predominantly work in with my clients is kind of aligning those, those different views. Now, what you could also do is you could kind of document your performance and the request for support that you're looking for. And build a case, so to speak, of what's in it for my boss, my team, and the company as far as what it is that I'm looking to do. So going back to the scenarios of lack of support, say you are looking to participate in a leadership program or a mentoring program or some sort of skill training program. And your boss has been dismissing it. They may have been dismissing it because you really haven't given them a good reason for— and a business case for why they should be, you know, spending time and money and allowing you to participate. If you put together a business case that shows them the contribution you're going to put toward that program, that's going to justify the investment, what you're looking to get out of the program, that justifies the investment and how you're going to put that investment into work within the team and within the company, your boss has a much better opportunity to support it than if you're just throwing out ideas and lacking any of that kind of evidence and they just blow it off because they think it's it's, you know, too much time or too much money or effort to have you participate. So build a case for whatever support it is that you're looking for and consider the what's in it for them, the WISM, what's in it for them. You know, your boss should be looking out for you. Remember that quote. You know, your boss should be wanting to advance you. Another really great quote too, I didn't mention it, but is from John Quincy Adams from, you know, centuries ago, decades ago. If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader. So you would hope that bosses/leaders want to inspire you to dream more, learn more, do more, but again, Too many of them do not. And they'll use time and too busy as excuses. You need to help them see why they need to help you with your dreams and your aspirations. So document your performance and the request for the support you're looking for, and put it in a way that shows not the benefit to you, because that's self-serving, but the benefit to the team and to the company. Now, at any time, for any of these things, you may be getting pushback, you may be getting confrontation. You have to be prepared for that, and you have to be willing to face it. And that's why I said at the beginning of the tips that you need to be ready and committed to addressing this and doing the work that's not going to be easy in order to make your situation better for better for you in the long run. All right. Now, what else can you be doing? What else can you be doing? You could be seeking other support systems. If you build that case, if you attempted the weekly meetings, if you even had a separate meeting and confronted this individual about the support that you need and the lack of support that you're feeling, and they're still kind of blowing it off and I really don't care and I don't have time for this and, you know, blah blah blah blah blah, then go— you need to go out and seek other support systems. Say you want to stay in your job because that's the job and the career path that you could have. Yet you're feeling like you don't have a career path because this person's not supporting you. Well, they're not the only person in the company. They may not even be the only person on the, on the team. So you need to go out and start building other relationships, getting to know, you know, other people, how they influence, how powerful are they, how embedded are they, what relationships do they have that can support you in your goals, at the same time allow you to then contribute to their goals and to their aspirations. You can start identifying these, you know, sponsors that I had mentioned early on. We're not going to get into all that. You can go back to the episode February 26 regarding coaches, mentors, and sponsors. But you can start looking for that person in the company that isn't your boss, but that will support and advocate for you, especially behind closed doors. And engage people in what it is you're trying to do and what it is you want to be doing because you'd be amazed how other people will then kind of not act in and fly in and be the, you know, the hero, but at the same time, they can provide you the coaching and the advice and the training and the development and the mentoring that you're looking for. They could be that sounding board that you need, that you would expect your boss to be, but yet if they're not showing up, then you need to find it elsewhere. Because when you're by yourself and alone and not getting that support, you feel like you're on an island all by yourself, and that is just not healthy. For you, and it's certainly going to negatively impact the contribution that you're making to the team and to the company. So you've got to get that addressed. And again, you can seek the advice and, and coaching from even external sources. So I have a client or two that outside of their own— outside of their company, they came to me about— for coaching about things they deal with in their company. And so just because, you know, internally you're not getting the support that you needed, you can always seek professional coaching and support outside of your company. And it can still be about your job and about your work and how to handle these particular situations and that kind of thing. So you also want to keep that in mind as well. And then lastly, if all else fails and you're still— you're doing the work, you're making the attempts, you're building the relationships, and you're really going over and beyond what it is that you want and what you're contributing to and doing, then you need to consider whether or not you need to find opportunities elsewhere. Now elsewhere could be another team in the company, therefore a different boss, or it could be outside the company. But at some point you need to get to that stage where you say, wait a minute, I— this isn't working and I'm certainly not, you know, going to get where I want to go as a result of everything that I've been working on. So I need to face facts, face the truth, based reality, and I need to start looking elsewhere. And of course, you want to do that while you have your job. So just another tip there: if you should decide to get to that point, then please be sure that you're looking for that other opportunity while you still have a job. It's just so much easier to do that when you have a job than when you don't have a job. All right, now We have a few minutes left, so we're going to take a quick break. I have one more very powerful tip I want to share with you when we get back, so we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/shuttingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

All right, we are back. We're talking about unsupportive bosses and what you could be doing to address that situation. But I have one last tip that's rarely thought about when I'm coaching and working with my, my clients, and yet is, is a subtle but very powerful way to get someone's attention because that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to get this person's attention, and that would be just simply— you put all those other tips in the works, building relationships, seeking other people's coaching and advice and mentoring, that kind of thing, but the best weapon is not revenge, but more so you could say the best revenge is just go over and beyond in your, in your work. Just do it at a level that is of excellence, that is of worthy of praise, that would be acknowledgeable, you know, from anybody including your unsupportive boss. Reach out and find ways that you could be helping other people and contributing to their goals and their projects and their challenges that they're having. Look for breaks in your company or your team's processes and workloads. Find ways that you could be improving your overall team's productivity and effectiveness and performance. Just go over and beyond on a day-in, day-out basis in your contribution, not only to your job, but to that— those of others. And trust me when I say, if it's not from your unsupportive boss, you will get the attention and what it is that you need from the other people around you. So I call this my go over and beyond excellence tip. Just do well and do better and leave people, as my dad used to say, leave people in places better than you found them. And trust me, you will get where you want to go. Alright, so that's my last tip for you for today. So next week is Ask Bernadette or Ask Me Anything, so post your story, question, or challenge on Facebook or Twitter and I will be sure to address it not only right away out there but also on this program next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. So I want to wish all of you a rich and prosperous week and I'll look forward to talking to you then. Have a good week, everybody.

Bye.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.