What is a BITCH to you? Tips for Empowering YOU!

—and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Well, happy Tuesday everyone. It is a rainy, dreary, but warm day here in Atlanta for what, January 10th I think it is? But I'm not complaining because as long as I can still get outside and not be kind of bundled up in 10 layers of clothes, I'm a happy woman. And I don't even mind the rain because all I have to do is pull my hair back, you know, put on a hat, and I'm fine. So I hope everybody else is having a great Tuesday. I always look forward to Tuesday so I can bring you Shedding the Bitch Radio, and I just have a lot of fun with this show, whether it is kind of just talking and sharing with you or I have guests on. And we're gonna do that periodically throughout the year. However, I've gotten a lot of feedback from you, and as I've mentioned, I believe even last week, that basically you'd like to also be educated and inspired here on Shedding the Bitch Radio. And so a lot of that is, is gonna be focused on kind of my sharing stories, not only of my stories but of other individuals' stories. And if we have an opportunity to have them on as guests, that would be great. And then of course we will have guests on when it comes to addressing certain topics and subjects that you definitely are asking for. So whether you're listening to this live or you're watching it on a video or listening to the recording, feel free to always go to sheddingthebitch.com and share your feedback, comments, suggestions, and maybe even some questions that you might have. But I'd also love to hear from you live dialing in at 1-818-572-2910 here at Shedding the Bitch Radio.. And I would love to take your questions, hear your story, and have you dialogue with us. One other thing I want to make mention to is we are launching a story of the week, or maybe it'll be, you know, once a month to begin with. But we're getting tons of stories in of individuals who have dealt with their own bitches, those angst and attitudes and negative mindsets and fears, and they've overcome them in some way, shape, or form. So we're having them write those up. You can submit those stories on sheddingthebitch.com, and then we are taking a look at them and going to be posting them as fearlessly as they come in. But we want to give your story time to kind of get out there, so that's why I say that we'll probably start off with leaving those stories out there for a month to make sure people are, are really getting an opportunity to hear it, and then we will move on from there. And based on the amount we get in right now, I think we have 30 or 40 that we're kind of going through and verifying, you know, how they match up with the Shedding the Bitch kind of idea of a story. So if you have any stories of your own, sheddingthebitch.com, we'd love to hear it. Other things that are going on, let's think. Oh, I am so excited! It's January 10th. This weekend here in Atlanta, if you are in Atlanta, there is a great summit going on. It's called Staying in the Game Summit, and you can go to stayinginthegame.com to find out. I'm a keynote speaker. I'm very excited, and I think it's just going to be a great full day of education, inspiration, motivation, and just overall networking and collaboration with other men, women, other entrepreneurs, corporate executives, you name it. Uh, If you're in Atlanta, come out. If you're kind of in the surrounding areas, you're more than welcome to kind of come in. We always get people in from Florida, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama. So if you're in the vicinity, um, and you could certainly fly in if you'd like and go to stayinginthegame.com, or I'm sorry, stayinginthegamesummit.com. The other thing I'm really excited about, and I have to do a shout out to the group Focal Fusion out in Houston, Texas. Lexi Thompson and Rainey Busby. We have a great and a huge Shedding the Bitch Party coming up on January 19th in Houston. So a shout out to Houston, and for any of you women that want to join us on January 19th from 6 PM to 9 PM, that's going to be a fabulous event. And we have bitch parties around the country actually, and here in Atlanta. And if you're interested in hosting one for yourself, You can always reach out on shuttingthebitch.com to me as well to discuss that. So a lot going on here, and yet my sister forwarded me an article last night, or she pointed it to me. It's out on Huffington Post— Huffington Post, sorry Ariana— Huffington Post, and it's a story pretty much in-your-face. The title of this, of the story is I Am a Bitch, and it is from Tabitha Coffey. And I guess Tabitha Coffey is an Australian woman, hairstylist, coach, mentor in areas of business and life. And she's actually starting, I guess, her own show. And this article really touches on something that I thought we would have a great opportunity to discuss here today on Shedding the Bitch Radio. And that is, what is a bitch? Because any of you who have been following me over the last year and a half and/or read my book Shedding the Corporate Bitch, or even participated out on our forums or in our website, whether it was the old one and now the new one that is actually officially getting launched in the next couple weeks. Um, you'll, you'll know that my definition of a bitch is a little bit different from other people's viewpoints of it, even those people that are kind of addressing it to be more of an empowerment as opposed to a self-defeating or demeaning type of word to use on other people. And so I, going into the new year, I figured any of the— any of you who are not really up on what Shedding the Bitch is about, and therefore, you know, maybe will get turned off by hearing that, that kind of, that slogan, Shedding the Bitch. Or I have a slogan about have you shed your bitch today? I thought I'd take today's show and talk about that, and very timely with what Tabitha's article is all about and what other people out there all around the world are trying to address So we can, in a positive, empowering way, change the impression of women, whether it's in the workplace or at home or in the PTA or on the soccer field. That word bitch is used in a very negative, derogatory way, and therefore a few of us, such as Tabitha and myself, are trying to kind of change that definition of that word. So let me first give you kind of shedding the bitches interpretation and definition of it, and then we can dive into what Tabitha and some other folks are also kind of taking claim to. And so, uh, so where shedding the bitch is concerned, shedding the bitch really stemmed from my realization a couple of years ago that that while in corporate, with all of the opportunities that were put in front of me and presented to me, and along with all of the great skills, talents, and accomplishments that I've had, I chose personally to take on a persona of a typical bitch, someone who is demeaning and potentially loud, but you know, hey, I'm Irish, so, and I'm one of 12 children. So let's take that one out of the equation. But those people that are curt and demeaning and offensive and kind of just rule with an iron fist, whether at home or in the workplace, and therefore you kind of turn around and might call that individual, maybe deserving so or not, a bitch. And yet what I learned through my own journey and transformation, having left corporate and realizing that the, the excitement and the clarity that I had about losing a great job and a position and financial security, um, I'm trying to understand why I was so happy. I realized that the reason I was was merely because the fact that I was this nasty, demeaning, uh, offensive type of individual. And therefore I did everything in my power to shed that bitch inside me. Well, what I learned through that process and that transformation is that it wasn't as much as I was a bitch, it was the fact that I was acting out in my own insecurities and intimidations and feelings of unworthiness and not loved, blah, blah, blah. That it was those things that were causing me to lash out in a negative derogatory way. And if you think about it, and if you think of the first person that comes to your mind of who you might define as a bitch, you might find that if you got underneath her or his covers, you would find that they too have insecurities, negative mindsets and belief systems that cause them to be a bitch. So— hi, Miss Pretty. Hi, how are you? Great, how are you? So, I kind of learned that what I really needed to understand is the reason why I was lashing out and I was being that type of person was my own, you know, angst attitudes, negative mindsets, and belief systems. And therefore, when I look at other people now and when they're lashing out in the same way, I kind of just want to hug them and say, "What's going on? What's going on in your heart and head causing you to be that type of person?" So my definition of a bitch came to fruition because I wanted to change that word to not be something that you project onto somebody else, but more so for when you even think about calling someone else or making that judgment of somebody, you really need to take a look at yourself. What is it about that other person that is causing you to kind of feel, or, you know, kind of create these emotions within you? Because 9 out of 10 times, actually 9.5 out of 10 times, you're gonna find that it's you that actually is feeling insecure or intimidated or something toward that person. It's not about that person, but it's about you. And therefore, those bitches are your actual inner junk that you have in your head or your heart about yourself that cause you to then make judgments and be kind of cruel. That's kind of a hard word, but cruel to other people. And therefore, when I say shedding the bitches, I am saying that you need to shed the inner junk in your head and your heart that's causing you to not realize your true potential, not realize your skills and your talents and your accomplishments and the confidence and empowerment that you should feel for yourself. And therefore, that's kind of the shedding the bitches definition, is the, um, the inner junk, not anything to do with someone else. Being projected externally. So if we take a look at that definition, and when you really look at now what Shedding the Bitch is about, yes, it's my book Shedding the Corporate Bitch. That was my inner bitches, was my insecurities and feelings of unworthiness that I was good enough in my business with my skills and my talents that I kind of projected that in a nasty way. Yours could be anything from a bad relationship, being single. I'm single. Sometimes it's a bitch. Sometimes I feel very insecure and very unworthy, and therefore, you know, I have to look at whether or not that's why I'm still single. But yours could be, you know, dealing with raising kids, cancer, menopause, being fat, being skinny, being obsessive-compulsive, being gay, or maybe you're in the closet and, you know, there's just a lot of angst and a lot of negativity and a lot of insecurity that you're feeling about being able to come out. Uh, whatever the case might be, I mean, there's endless amount of, of life, personal and professional issues that could create and could stir up those inner insecurities, angst attitudes, negative mindsets and belief systems about yourself that then cause you to lash out in one way or the other. And therefore, that's what we here at Shedding the Bitch, that's what we refer to. We want to clean whatever those things are. Could be one thing, could be many things. Could be something from childhood, could be something from, you know, the other day. Could be losing your job. It could be all of a sudden you're feeling insecure because you're turning 50. And, you know, whatever the case might be. And we work to kind of get you to discover and confront those things so you can shed them in order to create and accelerate the riches you have in life. Now, that said, that said, other people are using the word bitch to also mean empowerment and mean, um, kind of a strength of a woman. Because guess what, ladies and men, listen up, we do not need to apologize for us being strong and bold and intelligent and assertive and able to, to compete and even excel with you in the workplace or at home or in the community. There's no reason why all of a sudden, you know, not all of a sudden, but there's no reason why women have to be, you know, tagged nasty or a bitch because of the fact that they're able to stand up for themselves, they're able to negotiate, they're able to collaborate and socialize and mingle, and they have the intelligence to actually, you know, do whatever project, job, task is at hand. And yet, unfortunately, that's how those strong women are perceived, whether it's nonverbally or verbally. So going back to Tracy Coffey— I'm sorry, Tabitha Coffey. Tabitha Coffey again is a woman out of Australia who has a new show coming up. I apologize, Tabitha, I should know what your show is, but I don't. But I want to say it's even— let me see if I can find it here. Let's see, her book is Her book is It's Not Really About the Hair: The Hottest— The Honest Truth About Life, Love, and the Business of Beauty. But at the same time, no, they don't have what her show is. But her name is Tabitha Coffey. She is known to be, I guess, very forthright, very honest, very in-your-face, very brutal as to how she goes about things. However, she writes in this blog post on Huffington Post that she really isn't going to apologize for her being assertive, her stating her opinion, her not necessarily always being politically correct, her, you know, success and achievements and her network, whatever the case might be. And what I found interesting, because we've done this ourselves here at Shedding the Bitch, and it's one of the exercises I'll send people through in, in one of my training programs or coaching programs, she even writes in this blog post that her definition of bitch— she says basically, this is why a few years ago I decided to reclaim the word as my own. Here is my definition of a misused, misunderstood, and most often negative word. So she spells out bitch, B-I-T-C-H, and her definition is brave for B, I for intelligent, or intelligent for I, tenacious for T, creative for C, and honest for H. So basically, she finds herself to be brave, intelligent, tenacious, creative, and honest. And, you know, so I'll pose to you out there, what is your definition of bitch? Use the acronym, use just kind of coming up with your own definition. You know, ours is the fact that those bitches are your inner angst attitudes, negative mindsets, and belief systems of within your heart and your head holding you back from achieving success. What is yours? Now, I kind of took this little exercise and did it myself this morning. So where she says brave, intelligent, tenacious, creative, and honest, I would say for myself bold, inspiring, tenacious, caring, humble, and yet at some same time I can also replace H with humorous, or at least I like to think so. So You know, you too could come up with your own definition and make it being that it's positive and empowering and securing whatever your, you know, interpretation of yourself is, whatever your inner heart and head says that you are. And please, let's keep it positive because we do want to change this definition to be not a derogatory negative word to be used on individuals including yourself, but at the same time for it to be more of a positive and an opportunity for you to step back and think about when you go to that kind of negative, nasty, insecure, judgmental, low self-esteem place in your heart or in your head. What I'd like you to think about is as opposed to projecting those things outwardly onto someone else in a negative, derogatory, judgmental way. Find what's causing you— discover and confront what it is that's causing you to feel those things, and then work on your own to shed them, or with someone else to shed them. Because only until then will you really be able to create and accelerate the riches that you have. So I would throw out there, what is your definition of a bitch? How would you spell it out and how would you kind of, you know, interpret each one of those words for yourself? What does that B stand for? It could be beautiful, brilliant, in these cases brave or bold, or I can't think of anything else right offhand. And what does that I mean, and that T, and that C, and the H? And therefore, let's work together, women and men, to change how we are allowing that word to be used on ourselves, or especially on other people. And so I throw that out to you because that is what we're celebrating on a day-in, day-out basis here at Shedding the Bitch, is kind of how you can shed and get all that junk out of your head and your heart that is holding you back, holding you down. Making you feeling unworthy, and how can you kind of rid yourself of those things so you can move forward and create and accelerate whatever dreams, goals, and riches you, you want out of life. So I just found that to be very, very interesting, and I'm going to also click over and share that post from Tabitha as well on our website within the blog because I think it's really important for us to stay tuned in to what we're feeling and then how those feelings are causing us to kind of react outwardly into the world. And, you know, one suggestion and one tip and advice is to not only sit down and write that out, but then kind of come up with a little journal. Actually, for those of you watching on video, sorry, I'm gonna reach over for my journal. But, you know, have yourself a journal. And I actually have two. I have this one, which is a more formal, write-it-out journal. I have a little one that's actually in the other room that every morning before I really get started in my day, I kind of write out and scribble out just real quickly kind of what am I feeling, what am I thinking, how does my body feel. Because unless I'm attuned to all of that, there is a good chance that I'm going to kind of let those feelings and emotions and thought processes get projected out. And instead, I have, and you have, full control over those things prior to you kind of letting them come out your mouth or in your body. Body or through your eyes or even through your own spirit. It's amazing. I'm going to detract a little bit because I do want to do a shout out while I'm on this, on this call. And I ask for your help with this in, um, in the way of prayer. But a friend of mine, actually it's my business coach, but I do consider a confidante and a friend, and we meet every Friday. I've talked about her on this show, uh, numerous times. So we meet every Friday at 2, and we met last week after the holidays had now been over, and it's on a phone call. And if you, you know, listen to anything from, you know, NLP or body language people, you know, most of what you communicate is not necessarily in the words but also in the tone, in your, your movement, in your eyes, and in just your overall mood, I guess, is all I can say. So when we got on this phone call, Joan is typically very, very upbeat, very, very engaging. And the minute we got on the call, she was like, "Hi, how are you?" And I was just floored, just absolutely floored, because that is not Joan. And I asked, "What's going on?" She's like, "Nope, this is your call, this is your 'Your time, this is your, you know, coaching. So if we have time and we finish up early, then, you know, we'll talk about me.' Well, I don't know about you, but if I hear a friend— I don't care, you know, if I'm, you know, paying her to be my coach— I really put everything, all my trust and confidence into her. And, you know, when I hear her in pain You know, I want to kind of help, I want to know, I want to kind of console, do what I can. So the next, you know, 20-25 minutes was killing me because here I'm sitting there talking about myself and yet I know she's hurting in some way, shape, or form. So we got finished and I, you know, asked her if she would share and if she was okay to share and she said yes. Well, bottom line was this, in a very short period of time you know, her sister took a turn for the worse. I don't know what the situation is now, but, you know, she went from having an asthma attack to going into a coma to possibly, you know, not coming out. And my heart just sank. It went to my, you know, 5 sisters, it went to my 6 brothers, it went to, you know, my family and my friends and anybody and everybody that I know. I just started imagining and having all these images fluttering through my mind. And it created a lot of my own little bitches inside my heart and my head. And yet I needed to feel those because it was what she was feeling. And so I did what I could to just kind of console and listen and, um, and just let her kind of, you know, talk it out. Because I don't believe she was really kind of talking beyond her family and immediate family, and she really didn't even want to be on that call, and she didn't want to call in. But at the same time, she, you know, it was something she thought she need. And I hope it helped in any way, shape, or form. It certainly didn't negatively impact me. I got what I needed out of the call, so she wasn't, you know, impacting my own need for shedding that day. I just hope that it was helpful to even just listen and console for a couple of minutes. But so every one of us in a very short period of time can go from, from first thing in the morning feeling great to then, you know, all of a sudden having some bitch inwardly— that word is being used inwardly— creep up into our heart and our head that could then kind of sabotage whatever we might be doing. And so if we can stay attuned, if you can stay in touch with how you're feeling and what you're thinking and how that is being conveyed through your voice, through your body, through your eyes, through your mood, whatever the case might be. You know, you have an opportunity to kind of switch, switch it and change it for the better. And a friend of mine also, another one, Nancy, she had emailed this morning and she just kind of wanted an opportunity to an undisclosed group of people to kind of share that she was having a really bad day. Maybe it was yesterday and she just wrote it out this morning, and therefore somebody was kicking her down, and what she wanted to do was just think about everything she's grateful for. So this email was, I'm not having a good day, I've been beaten down, and yet I have 20 things I'm so grateful for. And, you know, she spelled those out, which was, you know, kind of very purging for her, very shedding. Of those bitches that she was feeling. And so that's what we want to help you with. And therefore, know that that word is not to be used externally in a judgmental or derogatory negative way onto somebody else, but more so use it as a tool to then get in tune and in touch with what's going on inside you. And then, like Tabitha does, tabithacoffee.com, What she does is she's kind of spelled out the acronym and came up with her own. And I know there's numerous acronyms, like something about being— I don't know, it's something about a woman being, you know, great or whatever the case might be. I can't think of it offhand. But come up with your own acronym of what that means. And so hers is Brave, Intelligent, Tenacious, Creative, and Honest. Mine's Bold, Inspiring, Tenacious, Caring, and humble and come up with whatever you feel works best for you. So that is what I'll leave you with, and with some tips and advice on that. And then come back and share again with us next Tuesday and every Tuesday here at noon Eastern Time on Shedding the Bitch Radio on BlogTalk. And at the same time, you can always go to our YouTube channel, Shedding the Bitch, to see the video of these radio shows. And of course, go to sheddingthebitch.com. We've got great forums, what we call niches. We have great programs. Of course, I've talked about the Shedding the Bitch parties that we have, and the next one being in Houston on January 19th. And at the same time, see where we're cropping up with great retreats and seminars and online chats and webinars. Anything to help you shift from bitch to rich. So for everybody here at Shedding the Bitch Radio, this is Bernadette Boas. Have a fabulous, fabulous rich week, and we will hear and see you here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Have a great week, everybody.