You May Think Aging Sucks But What Freedom It Provides

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch. Shedding the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone on this glorious May 14th day. How the heck are ya? I am. I was just telling Deborah, I, you know, it is midday. It's about 1 o'clock here in Atlanta, Georgia. She's out west, so 3 hours behind. She happened to say like good morning to me and realized it was 1 o'clock, and my response was, well, I still feel like I, I just woke up out of bed and I haven't quite, uh, shaken off the, the tired, weary fog that I'm feeling at the moment. But it is an absolutely Stunning, stunning day here in Atlanta, and I hope it is wherever you might be. I know, you know, we're all hoping, depending upon where you are, you're hoping for spring. I was even watching some northeastern New York shows this morning, and they were back in winter with some dropping temperatures. You know, Mother Nature is an odd bird for sure.— and I'm just going to appreciate this beautiful, like, low 70s weather. Actually, I'm sitting here, you know, don't judge me, but I'm sitting here with a nice cozy robe on because it's got that chill in the air, and I even have my fan overhead going because it just— it feels nice. Not that I want winter. At the same time, it's going to be 89 this weekend., as I'm playing about 5 hours worth of pickleball in the sun, uh, in a tournament. So I'm appreciating this, this weather right now. I hope you're doing great, uh, mid-May, mid-May, mid-May, uh, and, uh, can't still get over how quickly time goes. And, and actually, that's kind of what our subject is about today, is aging, but we'll get to that in a second. Really no rich news going on. Oh, I do want— I take that back. I do want to thank everybody within the Shit in the Bitch community, online, on the program, as I asked and requested prayers for my nephew. I have a 22-year-old nephew who was having some major, multiple major surgeries last last week. And so I put the word out to anybody and everybody to get as many angels and prayers flying out there for this young, beautiful man who has spent the last 8 or 9 years really, uh, suffering, really suffering. And so it was a beautiful, beautiful thing to get a text update from one of my other brothers from his father. So it's a brother passing it to my other brother to share with all of us because you can only imagine, many of you know I have 11 brothers and sisters. So that may sound wonderful in times of need, but it can also be extremely overwhelming and you just want everybody to kind of shut up. So brothers are passing texts to brothers and so we got a text with the comment from my nephew, that basically said, I haven't felt like this since 2011 when this all started. So that's 9 years ago, 8 years ago. Um, he hasn't felt as good as whatever he's feeling, which I can only imagine is thousands of percent better than what he was dealing with. And I won't go into all of that, but I want to thank everybody for that, uh, greatly appreciate it. I will continue to ask for your prayers and well wishes. You can just kind of keep them to yourself. His name is Kyle, for those of you— many of my friends have reached out saying, you know, they like to use the specific name within their prayers. So if that's the case, his name is Kyle. So please keep him in your prayers, and I just, you know, pray for the day that the young man gets to actually live life. So I'll leave it at that, but thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Let's see, I'm going to incorporate some, some kind of news I've gotten recently in our discussions as we discuss this topic about aging, so I'll wait on that. And so all I'll say is we've had some great podcast episodes that you can go, go and download and listen to, whether that's from sheddingthebitch.com— they're all out there— iTunes, Apple Podcasts, right here on blogtalkradio.com if you happen to go out there to our Shedding the Bitch radio page and either listen to us live right there, chat with us there, or you just want to access our previous episodes. So we've— in our Ask Me Anything, which is the first Tuesday of every month, for those of you who are listening for the first time, Ask Me Anything is really just ask me anything. I anything about your career, about your business, about your life, you can post them on Facebook and Twitter on our Shedding the Bitch pages. You can call 1-8-1-8-5-7-2-29-10 anytime during any program, and especially the first Tuesday of every month. You can email me at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com, and the most popular means of communicating to me has always been on LinkedIn. So just like my profile, I guess, and send me a note through LinkedIn, and I will tackle it there. Now, what happens with Ask Me Anything, just so you know, is when you do post your question, story, or challenge that you might be having, I'll respond to it, you know, within like 24 hours. I won't wait until the program the first Tuesday of every month. However, should you choose to want to be able to dive deep into your, your question, then you can let me know that. And because I bring all those here, I don't name names if you don't want me to, and you have an opportunity to call in and have a conversation with me about it. So always keep that in mind as well. So this last week— last week was the first Tuesday of the month— we talked in our Ask Me Anything. The questions that I got were all around perception. So it was basically someone asking me how they can change a coworker's perception of them because it was very negative, and it was also what I'll call old school. So she had made a lot of transformation and a lot of change in her life, and yet people weren't recognizing it, and it was really kind of damaging her and negatively impacting her at work. We also talked about how any small business owner, entrepreneur— in this case, it was a makeup artist— and when you're trying to build a clientele and you think you've tried everything, and yet you're still not getting the clientele base that you want, what more can you do? Or what are you not doing, as we discussed as well? And then the last one we discussed was someone who had been on a good number, like a dozen or so interviews, job interviews, and they have not still gotten a job. And it's a pretty hot market out there right now, so they needed some advice as to what it is that they should be doing, what is it that they are doing, what maybe are they not doing so well. And of course interviewing can be challenging for some people, but Other times it's just purely people not doing their homework, not being prepared, so forth and so on. So you can go back to that episode and listen to that from last week, the Ask Me Anything episode. We've also had episodes recently in regards to the top 3 questions you should ask to carve out your career or business path. So a lot of people just kind of go to work or go to their job or go to their business and really don't put a plan together and really know what questions they should be asking themselves. So we talked about that, and then a previous episode also discussed, you know, why you should care about what other people think. So you have to kind of shed your ego and shed worrying about what other people think and just focus on how you think of yourself and whether that suits you or doesn't suit you and what you can do to get you to where you want to be. So again, you can check out all of our episodes, a number of years' worth, on sheddingthebitch.com. Just scroll down the home page and you'll see the radio button there. You can go to iTunes, Apple Podcast, or blogtalkradio.com, and you can find them— you find them, just look up Shedding the Bitch Radio and you'll come across them on any number of the streaming services. Okay, that said, as I mentioned, today's discussion is all about aging. And this actually came up over the last several weeks primarily because of some things I'm going through, and then through conversations because I tend to kind of dump and ask for advice and ask for ask for insights and ask for difference of opinion to what I might have. So I've had a number of conversations around this, whether it be from doctors to family members to friends to colleagues. And so I've had a whole kind of litany of input in regards to the subject. So we want to talk about what you hate about it, what you love about it, and then how best to live it. Because guess what? We all have this life to live. It's one life, it goes really, really fast, and so you want to embrace it as opposed to fight it. And so we want to be thinking about that. And I don't care if you're 20, 40, 60, or 80, there's always elements of aging. And nowadays with like Botox and facelifts and all, oh, all social media, all kinds of things, You know, it's, it's scary and sad to think that even teenagers and 20-year-olds and 30-year-olds are already consumed by it. But at the same time, aging and our beliefs in aging come from also events and experiences in our lives, no matter how young or how seasoned we are. So aging is our topic for today, and your rich question— for those of you joining us maybe for the first time, I like to ground you and a question that you can be thinking about as it pertains to yourself around the subject. That way you're already kind of prepared to learn, to seek even questions or answers, and to kind of open your mind to being more self-aware and more honest with yourself in any areas of your life that we might be talking about. So your rich question is, what is the number one thing you struggle with as you age? What is the number one thing you struggle with as you age? And again, I don't care if you're 20, 40, 60, or 80. What is that one thing? If you are Facebooking or tweeting or any other communications with us, you can use hashtags or what we call rich tags, #agegracefully or our usual #shedthebitch. So when we get back from a brief break, we are going to dive into this. I'm going to kind of share with you and kind of give you my experiences and things that have gone on over the last several weeks that certainly has caused me to think about aging. And then we'll get into overall kind of perceptions that are out there when it comes to aging, and then of course some tips and advice that you can be using to ensure that you are aging gracefully. As much as it may suck, you know, embracing it and thriving in it is the key. So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at at media-relations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everybody. We are talking about aging. Yes, for many of us we feel that it sucks. At the same time, you know, it— we, we will age. It's a reality. There's no, there's no running from it, fighting it. It's going to happen. It's just a matter of how we approach it. And, and quite honestly, You know, I even have— excuse me— I even have a confession to make, and that is I'm not crazy about getting old. I always thought I would be. I always thought I'd be really cool about it. I always thought I'd be, you know, really okay with it. I'm going to be that cool, sophisticated, even that hip aging woman, very active, just very just very joyful and very open and, and never hiding from it, never fighting it, never wallowing in it. And then I turned 55. Now if you've listened to the program, you know I'm 57 now, but when I turned 55, it wasn't 50, it certainly wasn't 40. I loved, I loved, loved turning 40. I even loved turning 50. There was just such a such a freedom about it. But when I turned 55, all hell broke loose within me, within me. It was all of a sudden I became kind of fearful of everything and paranoid about everything and negative about— not negative, more skeptical about everything. It was as if my mortality hit me about, you know, yes, one day you're going to be dead. Now that could have happened, you know, day one of my life, that one, you know, the second day I might not be here. It could have happened at 20, it could have happened at 30. I certainly, I certainly expected that somewhere between like 20 and 35 there was high probability that my carrying on the way I did was definitely going to send me to an early grave, and I don't mean to laugh about that. And you know, you probably would recognize that that little giggle is more of a nervous response or an honest truthful response that it did actually, you know, shock the daylights out of me and I'm so grateful that it, you know, it didn't happen. But you know, I turned 55 and it was all of a sudden just like a major punch in the face. That, oh my gosh, I, you know, I, I, I'm going to be 60 soon, and then, oh my God, 60 to 70, oh my gosh. And I don't know what kind of— what switch was turned, turned on, but it, it came at me fierce. And then it was— I was thinking about it, and maybe you can relate to this too— it was then the reality of not only my aging and, and possibly ailing but also those around me that I love, my siblings. My parents are gone. My mother's been gone now for 5 years, my dad since 2005, and, you know, that's expected. You know, your parents pass on before you, you should hope. It kills me when you have those parents who lose a child. I can't imagine. I can't, can't, can't imagine, and Shout love to all of you who might have experienced that. But now it's more the, the siblings I start thinking about and their children, my nieces and nephews and their spouses. I even freaked out when— I guess this was about 6 months ago, I can't recall where exactly I was, but I was out socially, business/social, having a conversation Got on the subject of family. I mentioned I wasn't married, didn't have kids, but I come from 11 brothers and sisters, and they were like, "Oh my God, that's wonderful, that's fabulous," and the next statement out of their mouth was, "Are they still all alive?" And I freaked out on this individual. I absolutely freaked out on them. I just started screaming like, "What do you mean, are they still alive? Of course they're still alive." I'm still alive. What are you asking me that for? And I just lost it on this poor individual. And then I kind of sat with that, and that was also a time where aging and mortality hit me because very logically it would make sense that with 12 of us, even the fact that we're still alive at our ages, which is between 50 and 65, You know, we, you know, we— chances are people lose siblings and loved ones over time. So, so I kind of sense that, yes, I'm not aging that gracefully as I thought, always thought that I would be. And then, of course, then you start seeing, you know, family members. In this case, for me personally, it's been spouses dealing with strokes and cancer and transplants and those type of things. So, you know, that whole set of experiences just started wreaking havoc on me. And then when, you know, and then I'm sure many of you, if you're over 35, I'm going to say that you can relate to this. You certainly can if you're 20 to 35, but more so At 35, life just seems to accelerate at a speed that you just can't even comprehend. And so to kind of paint the picture is if you ever, for instance, I went to get my tires addressed, I don't know what you call it, switched out, rotated at my car dealer, and this was like earlier in the year. And she asked me, she's like, you know, how long ago did you have your tires replaced? I'm like, oh, just a couple years ago, you know, like 2 or at most 3 years ago. And she said, okay, well, let me look at it. And so she looks at my record, she said, Bernadette, you haven't had tires for 10 years. And I was just like, what, are you kidding me? You know, so I'm sure many of you might be able to relate to that where you think it was yesterday or it may be even last year and it turns out to be you know, many years and even decades in this case. It just kind of really kind of brings you to reality and humbles you in kind of how fast life is moving. And then of course I looked around a couple of weeks ago at my improv class. I take it every Tuesday night. And I suddenly realized after like 8— no, after about 15 weeks of being with this group, that I'm the oldest in the room. 57, I'm the oldest in the room. Now to me, 57 doesn't sound old because I don't want to sound old or be old. But here I was the oldest in the room probably by about 6 or 7 years. And then there was a lot more in their late 20s, early 30s. So that kind of, you know, hit me over the head. And then lastly, many of us And like I mentioned at the top of the discussion, even at 20 and 30, many of us are experiencing what social media has created, and that is our vanity and our, you know, disappearing of youth in our beauty. And so all of a sudden, whereas I had never been a shy kid from even the camera or being on stage or in front of large people and trying to get attention— after all, I'm a middle child of those 12. All of a sudden I was, you know, hiding from doing my, my Rich Tip videos, from doing my, you know, just my little Snapchat type of things, all of those. And I said to myself, I am not dealing with this anywhere near like I wanted to. And then recently, over the last like 3 weeks, 4 weeks, I I went to get all my annuals, and ladies, you know what that all means, but I went to get all my annuals, and it now, it includes, being that I'm 57, it not only includes your, you know, OB-GYN appointment, but it includes your bone density tests. And so here I start getting phone calls. Healthy as an ox up until this point, and I may still be, But I started getting phone calls. One, that my doctor was asking me whether or not I had lower back pain, and I said no. Why? I said, now I do that you're bringing it up, but no, why? And he mentioned, well, according to your bone density, you have some degeneration in your lower spine area, the S2, S3, whatever. He says not anything that can't be fixed, and with the amount of outdoor activity, pickleball specifically, that I play, I should be able to build up. He said, but, you know, it will start impacting the hips unless you take care, you know, unless you address it proactively. And I said, of course I will. I'll do whatever I need to be doing. And then the same doctor calls me back and says that I need to go back in next week. I thought I could wait till June. They said no, next week., for a mammogram follow-up. One of my boobs is not, uh, is showing something that they don't want to be seeing. So I have to be doing that, um, next Tuesday, a week from today. So I'm kind of holding on and not kind of worrying about tomorrow, not worrying about next week. I can't, uh, nothing I can do about it until the doctor tells me something. Um, So I'll just throw out there well wishes, prayers, angels flying, that all that checks out just fine. But it did get me looking at and having conversations with people and trying to get your insights, um, from across the gamut about your aging. And yes, it does suck. None of us want to do it, but we're all going to do it. We are all doing it. And so what can we be doing to proactively and positively, productively handle it. So enough of the boo-hoo, enough, enough, enough of the complaints because the benefits of aging that might not be so physical as we all want it to be is so much better and so far outweighs the vanity, the ego, the desperation to hold on to our youth,. And the reality of ever wearing a bikini again. I mean, it does. You know, as hard as I try, I'm like, I'm going to get into that two-piece when I go down to see my sister in Florida. This was in November. And I did lose quite a lot of weight. I lost about 30 pounds, I guess, at that point. And yet, you know, bodies change whether you are, you know, 25, 30, or 57. So the reality of ever wearing a bikini again has got to— without killing myself. I mean, I could, you know, turn into a fanatic and certainly, uh, you know, uh, transform my body. But who wants to do that? I want to do all that work. I just want to, like I said, age gracefully, as I'm sure you want to do. Um, but there are many, many benefits to aging. And when we get back from our brief break, we're going to get into that and then get into what can we all be doing. And this goes beyond the basics that you'll, you know, you can Google, you know, ways to age gracefully, and they're going to tell you the basics like, well, have a good diet, get out there and be active, reduce stress in your life. But I want to get beyond that because those are, those are great things to be doing, but there's a few other things that are actually harder to do but yet take care of a lot of those more, what I'll call, on-the-surface type of remedies for aging gracefully. So we will get right back so we can talk about all that. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity. So they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com solutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. On our episode today, we are talking about Aging gracefully and ensuring that, yes, it sucks to get wrinkles and to get potbellies and to, you know, not be able to fit into our skinny jeans anymore, but at the same time, there are so many more benefits than there are negatives to aging. And you— but you have to kind of go inward and as opposed to focusing on outward in order to realize them. And that's what I want to spend time talking with you about. So what are those benefits? And then we'll get into some tips and advice. So I can only speak for myself, but yet also with all, you know, the number of people that I'll talk with in my day-to-day. And as you all know, I'm a mouthpiece, especially when I come up with an idea for a subject to discuss or to write about. Or to public speak about, train about, I'll go out and I'll ask for other people's insights and their views and their opinions and their differences and their debates and whatever the case might be. And when it comes to aging, it's kind of interesting. And it definitely depends on how old you are. But you'll get people opening up and loving the conversation, and those are mostly people between the ages of like 20 and 40. Because they're at that kind of what I'll call still exciting, still believing in immortality, or yeah, immortality, still, you know, kind of just fighting the system to grow and expand and to, you know, climb the ladder socially and business-wise. And then you'll get conversations with those between like 40 and I'll say 65, and they get more closed, I'll call it. They'll get more uncertain. They're loving a good, you know, good amount of the aging process, and we're going to get into that in just a second. And yet at the same time, this is where fear and anxiety start and stress starts building up for many people, just like I expressed earlier. And those, and those were merely my stuff and my junk. And my bitches that, you know, that I deal with when it comes to aging. Not as heavy as they may have sounded. I don't walk around, you know, day in, day out, every moment of the day worried about it, but at the same time, those are mine. And so yet I find when I start talking to people, especially in that 40 to 65 age bracket. A lot of them don't even want to talk about it. Ask somebody about a will and watch them shut down in a drop of a bucket. I happen to have had a will since I was, I don't know, 22, 23, because I traveled quite a bit and I had some, some property and possessions and whatnot. But yeah, start, you know, start talking about aging and and dying and wills and health and ailing and whatnot. Though the conversations often will turn to maybe someone they're caregiving for, maybe their parents or grandparents or their children. But when it comes to them talking about it for themselves, about themselves, it's very interesting. But I will say that when it does come to the benefits, when I specifically say, so What do you see as the benefit of aging and getting older and being over 40 or 50 or 60? What do you see? Then they get kind of get excited about it because it is very telling. It is very transformative. If you're not at 40, can't relate yet, and you're, and you know, and at 25, 35, even 39, you're still looking at 50, 60-year-olds as old. And they're much older. A decade seems like it's going to take a long time to get there. And so you don't put yourself in those shoes. You can't and you don't want to. And yet in a blink of an eye you'll be there. So I just want to kind of share with you what you have to look forward to if you're not there. And then, of course, if you are there, You know some of these things, some of these things maybe you're not there yet, and some of these things maybe you're resisting, and/or we're going to give you ideas on what the benefits are and then what you could be doing to definitely live a graceful aging life. So of course, you know, I realized when I actually— it took the turn at around 42. That, you know, we all gained a, you know, I don't give a shit type of attitude. So many of the things that we worried about, so many of the things that we got in a tizzy about, the whole like fear of missing out, FOMO, the whole vanity thing, the whole ego, the desperation for climbing the corporate ladder, climbing the income ladder, making sure that we look better than the next person, that we're driving the nicer car, having the bigger house, all of that stuff calmed down. I won't say it went away, and trust me when I say this isn't a broad stroke statement, you know, meaning that there are still quite a bit of number of people even at 50, 60, 70 who have some vanity, materialistic, egotistical type of slants to them. But generally, you know, you just gain a "I don't give a shit" type of attitude. You really learn what it is you want in life, what it is you don't want in life, what you'll put up with. You kind of learn to not fight the small stuff. And that was definitely me. I mean, I fought the smallest minuscule type of thing if it didn't agree with me or if it didn't benefit me. And you just kind of learn to just brush it off. And God, don't make such a friggin' big deal over it. Why get all, you know, up in arms about just the smallest, pettiest things that just made you feel like you're 12 again? Of course you didn't feel like you're 12 again, but people observing you certainly thought you were 12 again. So, you know, it kind of— you get to a point, especially as you get closer to 50— that's why I said I absolutely loved 50. 'Cause by 50, you know, all these things were magnified, multiplied, just, you know, that I don't give a shit and knowing what I want and don't want. There was no doubt or question, there was no flinching, and many of the people that I've spoken to say the same thing. And then you also get the benefit of aging is you transition from working on work, and what I mean is not work necessarily employment, but work taking care of the, you know, the spouse or partner or, you know, significant other, the children, the friends, the community, everybody else but yourself. You transition from working on all of them to actually saying, you know what, I want to work on myself. I want to figure out what it is I want. I want to figure out what goals and passions and, you know, what is my bucket list. And to this day, I get stumped when I speak to specifically women. Forget about men. Men, not that they don't have bucket lists, but they're not necessarily concerned about it as much as women are. But I'll talk to women about it and I still get the, huh, what should be on my bucket list? And I'm like, I can't, I can't tell you that. It needs to be what you want to be on the bucket list. Same as— and I've talked about this before on the program— you know, having goals. And I'll get, well, what do you mean I should have my own goals? So the benefit of aging is the fact that you do start wanting those things. You do start craving if you don't know about them, you start craving, wanting to learn and know about what, what it is you should be focused on as you, as you are still living and still wanting to thrive, not just survive, you know, the balance of your time here on Earth. And then you get to a point too, you're just smart enough to know better. You start kind of recognizing that the old ways of how you handle things or how you responded to things or, or how you went about things just wasn't the smartest, best way about going about it. But yet you thought it was at the time, and now you just know better. You just know the things you should or shouldn't be doing, and you're good with that. And then I mentioned this a little earlier, but you do start appreciating the small things in life and not sweat the small stuff. It's just not worth your time or energy anymore. You just don't want to do it. You'd rather be sitting back on your couch with a glass of wine in your hand, you know, and maybe a good movie or a book in your lap, and not the frantic, concerned about what everybody thinks of you. Whether or not you're showing up and you're not missing out. All of those things just kind of slip away. But yet that takes a lot of self-awareness. That takes a lot of focusing inward, as I mentioned. Now you can go on and— you can go and Google, as I mentioned, any number of, you know, how to fix, you know, aging gracefully or how to age gracefully or what not to do, you know, as you age. And you'll get some, you know, you'll get some standard basic things that we all should be focused on. And I mentioned a few of them, you know, reduce stress, get plenty of sleep, eat a balanced diet, wear sunscreen, keep active. And all those things are certainly appropriate things to be doing, you know, reducing stress, getting plenty of sleep, eating a balanced diet, wearing sunscreen. Those will certainly take care of, you know, ailments, or ailments of any kind, and, and definitely keep you calm, cool, and collected, so to speak. Yet I would prefer to focus on and have you focus on more of the emotional, spiritual, mental, financial, and the physical aspects of aging so you can embrace it versus fighting it. Because when we fight it, a lot of times people will say, oh, I'm going to fight aging, and what they— and they mean it positively, meaning I'm going to fight it with exercise and diet and, and, and, you know, self-awareness and whatnot. But a lot of times they also mean it negatively, meaning that they, you know, they may not necessarily go and do some of the inward work that needs to be done, but they are willing to fight it, you know, in all the outward, outward ways. And all I know is if you take care of it inwardly and what you need and what that means, and we'll talk about that, then a lot of these other things— you won't have the stress, you'll, you'll get plenty of sleep because you won't be, you know, stressed out and worried and anxious about things. You'll eat a balanced diet because eating crap, as I have those last couple weeks, and we'll talk about that, but, uh, will all of a sudden make you feel like crap. Um, so, and And when you think about why are you eating junk food, you know, every day, 3 times a day, making the excuses of, oh, well, I just don't have anything in the refrigerator, is a bald-faced lie because all it takes is a trip to the grocery store to get those good foods. So it's uncovering what really is behind that symptom, so to speak, of eating an unbalanced diet. And of course, like wearing sunscreen and, and whatnot. You'll want to do those things because you're going to want to take care of yourself. So what are those things that you could be doing in order to address that? And we'll, we'll start off by saying you just need to accept aging head-on. You just need to just realize that it's going to happen. It is happening. And sooner or later, God bless us, and, you know, with all the thankfulness and gratitude we can feel, we hope to be able to age, whether that's graceful or not. We hope that we get to that point where we can call ourselves, you know, elders, grandma and grandpa, you know, seasoned individuals. Because many people don't, but we have to accept it head-on. And that sounds like, Bernadette, you're being ridiculous. Of course we have to accept it. But I'd like, you know, any number of you to acknowledge whether or not you do, whether or not you actually do. Maybe if, like I said, and I keep saying this, I know, but if you are, let's say, under 50, let's go to 50. You may not be at the point of really thinking about it and considering it because, again, especially below 40, you still feel pretty immortal. You still feel like you're not, you're not at, you know, midlife yet. And even midlife, it doesn't have as much— or maybe it's not 40 anymore, maybe it is that 50 age point. So you're just not there yet. But even at your age, wherever you are now, recognizing it, acknowledging it, and accepting it will save you so much as you go forward because you'll already be in that mindset that you know what it means, you know what, you know, what might be coming. You may not be able to relate to it just yet, though many of us watching our family members, our parents, whatnot, we do deal and deal with it on a day-in, day-out basis. But we have to kind of— what I'm asking you to do is, as opposed to focusing on what aging means outwardly and to everybody else around you, start thinking about it inwardly, personally. Because one, it— like we said, it's going to happen. But more so, so you take care of yourself when it comes to it. It will save you so much trial that you bring onto yourself as you do move forward. And then be honest about why you may feel it sucks. Like, this is what I've had to do over the last several weeks. You know, just really be honest about what— you know, why am I getting so hung up all of a sudden over the last couple years about aging, and why do I feel like it sucks versus, you know, I'm loving it and embracing it like I always thought I would up until that 55 timeline? And I recognized, and you might be able to recognize these things for yourself as well, that all of a sudden it was about losing loved ones. Imagine what my next 30 years is like with 12— 11 brothers and sisters and 22 nieces and nephews. Horrible to think about, and that's why I freaked out on that individual. But it's reality, and it is something that's going to happen. So it's just a matter of really not necessarily embracing it but accepting it, um, because, you know, You know, I even start questioning, well, do I want to be first or do I want to be last? You know, first, no, because you leave too early. Last, oh my gosh, all that loss. And having that type of dialogue with yourself is important so you understand where your pain and where your bitches, I'll call it, I'll say, as you move forward come from. So it was about losing loved ones. It was about dying and leaving the world behind. For me. It was about being forgotten. Now, in many cases, that's not going to happen, but there's a, you know, part of me, maybe a part of you, that says, you know, I don't want to be forgotten. You know, of course, there's the losing of the physical attraction, not only of yourself but even from other people. I'm still single, and I joke with friends of mine— well, I don't joke, I'm serious— at one part of it and then joking another, that I'm single, I'm 57, you know, whomever, whatever man I may meet is going to have to put up with saggy boobs and, you know, a little pouch belly and some other things that come with age. And there's a part of me that still finds that sucks, and yet at the same time it's a matter of growing acceptance accepting it. Um, you know, then it was— I find that it sucks because of losing mental capacity, possibly, um, becoming frail and dependent, not having enough money to live gracefully. So I had touched on the fact that we, we wanted you focused on the emotional, spiritual, mental, financial, and physical, because every one of those aspects of your life come into play here. So then what we'll talk about in a second is the fact that, well, you then want to put together kind of your own plan to address those aspects. So if it's not— if it's about not having enough money or becoming frail or, you know, being forgotten, there's things that you could be doing now in order to address those things. So we're going to keep going because I just noticed the time and I'm gabbing. So we're going to keep going so we don't have to take another break before we end. So be honest is the key. Be honest with, you know, what it is that you are feeling and that you might be facing as you move forward because, again, self-awareness is key. The number 3 thing I want you to be really focused on and what happens and a beautiful thing about aging gracefully is because you really, if you choose to, get to know who you are. You get to know yourself because you want to now. You want, you know, you recognize that, you know, there's things you still want to do. There's still things you have, you know, haven't done that you put on the back burner. You recognize that you want a life for yourself, even if you are married or partnered up or whatever the case might be. Maybe you still have kids in the house, but you're recognizing that they're growing and they're able to take care of themselves, so now you want to take care of yourself. So get to know yourself. Put, you know, get a journal. I talk about that a lot, um, you know, and just think about and admit to yourself, and don't be ashamed of acknowledging those things that you want in life, those things that you don't want in life, those things that bring you joy and bring you happiness, and those things that just aggravate the living crap out of you and you don't want to put up with anymore. And it could cover the gamut. It could cover, you know, passions of travel, adventure. Uh, it could cover education, studies, you know, learning. It could cover business or career in, you know, many aspects. It could cover your money in whatever aspect that might be, whether it's spending or saving or investing in whatever capacity. It could be about your relationships, the good ones and the bad ones, the ones you want to keep, the ones you should be, you know, sending astray. And, you know, it could be just about any number. It could be about your spirituality, you, the church, the faith, the lack of, you know, that you want to own and continue with. And then you also want to think about what's important to you. What are— what do you stand for? What do you believe in? What are you willing to fight for? What are the causes that mean a lot to you? Since January, I've really been doing a lot of self-excavating, I guess I'll call it. Around, you know, what do I really want to invest my time, money, and effort, and heart in? And I found a number of causes, whether it's around pets, specifically dogs, but pets, around children and feeding the hungry children of the United States, and within my own community, and it was about my church. And my faith and my tithing. So find what is really important to you, whether as it comes to causes, values you believe in, qualities you look for in, you know, people, places, and things, and really own them and recognize them. They'll become more and more important to you, um, as you age. And, and then think about too how you want to live, how you want to socialize, how you want to travel. How you want to spend, you know, whether it's many, many decades to go or, you know, whether it's, you know, a shorter time frame. Just really understand who you are and what it is that you want, because that— all of that will help you live gracefully. Because the more you know who you are, those remedies of reducing stress, wearing sunscreen, having a balanced diet you're going to be in such a confident, secure, stable, open, free, happy, joyful being that all those things are going to be like, oh, of course I want to— I'm going to take care of my diet and be active and wear sunscreen and all those other basic remedies that people propose for you to age gracefully, because you're going to be in that that head, that headspace. So the more you can do that, the more it will all come together. And then, because based on all of that, you can become the person you want to be. Now that sounds silly, but once again, you know, especially as a coach, predominantly leadership business, but you can't address leadership or business without dealing with the person themselves. So, you know, it, it would stun anybody to realize the, uh, very successful, powerful, high-level individuals who really still don't truly know who they are and the person they want to be. They were— they've been so consumed with this persona, mask, whatever you want to call it, expectation in a lot of cases that they've never really looked at themselves from their own eyes as opposed to everyone else's. So work on that, and grace is definitely, definitely what you'll find. And of course, as you want to find grace in your life, you want to remedy any regrets, any apologies, any forgiveness that that either you owe or that you're seeking for from someone else. And of course, through all of that, you want to ensure, because, you know, nothing's worse than hearing someone said, gosh, I wish I had the opportunity to just to say I love you to, you know, someone before they lost them. So ensure that on a regular basis, on a daily basis, you're saying I love you. I remember my— I was a senior in high school and my dad had a massive, massive heart attack. And we weren't— we weren't huggy-kissy, I love you type of people. My dad was a military guy. My mother was tender and sweet and full of grace, yet she wasn't, you know, I mean, she would definitely hug you but not necessarily, you know, throw around I love you. And my brothers and sisters you know, as much as we all knew we loved each other, we rarely spoke of it either. I went off to college and my dad had another heart attack, and I didn't think I'd get a chance to see him should anything happen to him. So I was on the phone with him and said "I love you Dad," and he went "Hahaha! Talk to ya later." And I went no, no, no, no, no, no, no— You're not getting off this I'm not going to hang up this phone until you tell me you love me. And I force myself from that point forward that anytime I'm with them or anytime I'm talking to them, even on a phone call, whether it's 2 seconds, I, you know, I say I love you. It is important to you, but it's also important to those other people. So think about that. And as Ellen says, be kind to one another. Just focus on, you know, as you age too, As much as you might see, you know, the group of elders sitting in the park or sitting in a coffee shop and it appears as if they're gabbing and gossiping and talking about other people and did you see Gertrude today and blah, blah, blah. You know, it's not to say that as you get older you don't get more catty or more gossipy or whatnot. But— and in a lot of cases, people perceive older people as also being extremely negative because they seem to be complaining about their ailments all the time. And I tend to look at that and understand it and sympathize with it. I just don't want to be that. I just don't want to, you know, age that way. I want to age to where I really start ignoring and not really caring about, you know, what other people are doing and what other people are saying, what other people are wearing, and maybe what they're not doing. So just think about being kind and then being thankful. Being thankful for everything that you do have in your life, no matter how small it is or how big it is, no matter how hard it is or easy it is. Things to just be thinking about— being thankful. And of course What's gotten me through everything, apart from my family, but everything in my life is my faith. So, you know, you lean on your faith or whatever it is that you believe in and find that anchor, find that thing that you can just sit back and just take a deep breath, trust that everything will be good and right, and accept. And that will find you great. That will help you find great, great peace. And of course, you can always work on learning and growing. Learning and growing, you know, like improv for me is just, you know, something like that, something to try something new, something different, expand my horizons. You could share your own story if you're worried about, you know, not being forgotten, for instance. You know, I love the note to self on CBS This Morning. I'm thinking about doing this myself is just sit down and write my story, my note to myself as if, you know, a young girl and what my life, you know, I had to look forward to. That could be left to my family and friends so I'm not forgotten. There's so many ways that you can really focus on aging. And doing it gracefully in such a way that all those other basic remedies, like I said, reduce stress, get off your butt, eat well, get your annual checkups— I will stress that— and then overall care for yourself. Those will come naturally because of the fact that you're taking such good care of you inwardly. The outward, outward will take care of itself. Thank you everybody for a discussion today all about aging gracefully. I am so grateful that you are part of the Shedding the Bitch community, and I'll look forward to talking with you this time, noon Eastern time, next Tuesday. Have a rich and prosperous week, everybody. Talk to you soon. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to Riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.