You Unstuck: The Rewards of Risk-taking with Libby Gill

Are you ready to create riches in your work and life? It's time for Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches in life you deserve. So let's welcome your ball of fire host, Bernadette Boas.

Good day, good day, good day everyone! Welcome to this latest and really exciting episode of Shitting the Bitch Radio and TV. We are streaming across platforms, whether that be Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, um, BlogTalkRadio, and then it'll be eventually out, uh, to any of your streaming services. So be sure to continue liking, rating, reviewing leaving us comments, and we absolutely love when you, um, make recommendations on the topics you want to hear about and the experts you want to, um, learn from. So thank you so much for all of that, for our new and our ongoing listeners and watchers. We, uh, greatly appreciate it. Uh, today's subject is so much fun.

It's kind of—

bottom line is you need to take risks And taking risks will help you get unstuck. So as we introduce our guest and get into this, I'm also going to provide you a rich question I really want you to be thinking about, which will help you ground yourself. Maybe you're like, well, this isn't an issue for me or a topic. And yet at the same time, I'm going to pretty much say, yes, it is. And therefore the rich question will help ground you into what it is that we're going to be talking about. All right. So we are going to be talking about You Unstuck: The Rewards of Taking Risks. So everyone gets stuck according to our guests, and either in life overall or that one segment of your personal or professional life that you just can't seem to crack. So our guest, leadership coach Libby Gill, helps you to identify what really matters and how you can form a plan and a structure to reach those objectives. So I want you to be listening for— we're going to be talking about how to blast through barriers, whether internal or external, how to distinguish between the limiters or the liberators, and then a process for getting and staying unstuck. So the rich question I want you to be thinking about is this: what limiting beliefs right now might be causing you to be stuck or causing you to be frustrated or overwhelmed, and you're not quite sure how to define it. But what are those limiting beliefs? Kind of keep them in your mind, think through it, and then as we get into discussion with Libby, she'll probably give you a lot of good tips and clarification around it. So formally introducing Libby, executive coach, leadership expert, and award-winning author. Libby Gill guides leaders to inspire purpose, drive performance, and create hope-driven cultures. The former head of communications for Sony, Universal, and Turner Broadcasting, she was the branding brain behind the launch of the Dr. Phil Show. Libby's clients include Acura, ADP, Bank of America, Capital One, Disney, EY, Great Clips, Honda, Intel, Mentronics, Microsoft, Vanguard, Viacom, Wells Fargo, and so many more. She's been featured on the CBS Early Show, CNN, NPR, uh, the Today Show, and in the New York Times, Time magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. She is the author of 6 books including the award-winning You Unstuck, Traveling Hopefully, Capture the Mindshare, and The Hope-Driven Leader. I am so excited to introduce Libby Gill. Hi, Libby.

Hi there. Thank you for having me. Boy, I sound really good the way you say it with so much energy and enthusiasm. Oh, well, you are good. You're great.

And I'm so looking forward to just really understanding this subject resonates greatly to me. And I know for many of our listeners around just getting in that stuck place. Um, but before we get there, can we learn a little bit about you, Libby Gill? Like, where you reside and anything that will allow us, uh, you know, to really get to know who you are?

Sure. I moved around quite a bit as a kid, partly because my dad was a military doctor, partly because my parents went through all sorts of chaos. Um, and I ended up in Los Angeles as a senior in high school after going to a different school every year of my, uh, from— yes, I was lost for years. And, uh, and I lived in Los Angeles for many years, kind of knocked around as a production person, actress, talking Christmas tree. I was a, uh, I was the hand model for Fancy Feast cat food. I kid you not. I worked on a soap, you know, all these kinds of crazy things. And I landed a job working for a real TV legend, his last production company, a guy named Norman Lear who created all the sitcoms that we grew up on. There's Massively All in the Family probably being the most famous. Yeah, that company was— I got a job in the PR department as an assistant, you know, I had to have a real job finally after knocking around Hollywood for so long. And I, um, that company was very quickly bought by Columbia Pictures and then by Coca-Cola and then by Sony. And you I was pretty young and new in my career, at least in my, my real corporate career, and I just figured I had two choices. I was either going to just hide under my desk during all of those changes and mergers or raise my hand and figure it out. And I chose the latter. I got a promotion every year, and in 5 years I was the head of advertising, publicity, and promotion for Sony's international— domestic and international publicity department.

Fabulous.

Yeah, and it was one of those great— it was that great moment in time when I didn't have to move. These companies just sort of swirled around me, and I got to work for 3 different organizations before moving on to Turner and Universal. And so after about 16 years of that career, always on the television side, I started launching Married... with Children. I ended with the launch of Dr. Phil. And then I said, That's a pretty good swan song. I'm done now. And I did what I really loved in the corporate world, which was structuring teams and helping people grow and creating leadership pathways for young people. And coaching was sort of a new field. And I actually read about it in Newsweek magazine. And I said, you know, that kind of, that feels like all my skills. I'll do that. And I quit and I started studying and training to be a coach. And now here it is, 22 years later. That's fab.

And you were in it early. I mean, there's been coaches for a very long time, but not the formal industry of coaching. That's fabulous.

Yeah. I had no aspirations to run a business. People always say, well, why don't you open your own PR firm? I thought, well, I don't want to do that. I've done enough of that. Right. So I just decided I would start coaching. And I started with helping people transition either into the entertainment world, which can be a little tricky, or even more tricky, getting out of it and doing something else.

Why is it trickier?

You know, it's, it's one of those industries where people think, oh, there's this handful of glamour jobs, and that's what people want. And they sort of forget that there's the whole range of corporate positions from HR to legal to finance to research. There's a whole span. And sometimes people set their sights on, you know, I want to be a director. When in fact, I had a client who was just got her CPA, you know, not easy to pass those tests, master's in tax. And what she really wanted to do rather than go into her family, very successful CPA firm, was work in entertainment, work in movies. And I worked with her and she started taking classes and meeting people and reached out. And now she is the production on-set accountant for a very big franchise. Franchise series of films.

Nice, good for her. Being in Atlanta, Georgia, I mentioned to you earlier, you know, we have a big entertainment presence here. So yes, that's very, uh, that's interesting and intriguing. Yeah. And, and what do you love about— before we get into talking about You Unstuck, but what is it about coaching that has kept you doing it for 22 years? And what do you, you know, kind of get from it.

It is so exciting to see— it sounds corny, but to see other people succeed when they come back with, oh my gosh, I did it, or I got it, or I succeeded at this, or I got the job, or I, you know, I cracked the code on confidence, or whatever it is they're working on. And, you know, I do a lot of corporate speaking at events and that sort of thing, and it's really fun and it's exciting, and you can plant a fresh idea or maybe reinforce something, but you don't see people change in that hour that you're you're speaking to them, right? When you work with somebody over a period of time, even a brief period of time, right, you see them get those big ahas and then go out and do it. Yeah, there's just nothing better than that.

Yeah, there really isn't. I absolutely agree with you. I absolutely agree. So what is it about this subject— and I, I, and I love like the latter part of it around risk-taking, especially when it comes to women, um, but what is it about risk-taking and the blending of being stuck to where you then created this You Stuck type of brand that really is meant to help and drive people forward.

Well, we tend to, as humans, we go the path of least resistance. We're going to go the safe way. We are genetically hardwired. We're alive because we avoid danger, right? And our brain, the most primitive part of our brain that is least developed over all these centuries, is the amygdala, our fear center, which just goes nuts when we experience something new or different and our brain perceives it. I mean, it used to be predatory danger, lightning strikes, that sort of thing. But our brain perceives the idea of danger as danger. So whether that's raising your hand in a leadership meeting— I just call it to my clients, the big scary meeting, whatever that is. In the big scary meeting and you're scared to speak up, Or, you know, going on a sales call. You talk about marketing and sales and business, and you just can't exist if you're not willing to step outside the tried and true. It's very few of us that can keep doing what we did, you know, for the last 20 or 40 years and be successful at it, right?

Well, I would assume too that the last couple of years, you know, and everyone needing to pivot to this digital world, kind of even elevated that emotional fear factor. Yeah, right.

Yes, because we were all forced to do something new. It wasn't, wasn't the— if you were inside a corporation, it might have been imposed upon you. If you're a business owner, you had to figure it out. Yeah. Either way, no one's been untouched. And where we stand now, we're not the same as we were 2 years ago. Our businesses are not the same. Our families Everything around us has been touched by this pandemic. And there's been so much loss and so much mental anguish. And it's been a really hard time. And most of us have not experienced— a lot of people, of course, have had personal loss in their lives. And I think we tend to underestimate or forget that we've handled some pretty big things. If we're old enough to have experienced loss or pain or— We got through it somehow. Yeah, we haven't had a, a, a countrywide or a global issue like this. I mean, since Spanish flu or World War II. And most of us now at this age haven't experienced anything on that level.

Yes. Yeah. At what age? Which age? Like, how would you describe it in numbers? What the age range?

Anybody under, you know, growing up and into World War II? I mean, oh, okay. You probably have not experienced— you didn't hit Spanish flu. And you weren't growing up or involved in World War II. So most of us, I certainly haven't lived through a pandemic or anything like this.

Yeah, no, it's true.

Yeah. And it just rocks you to your core in so many ways. And yet there's always a silver lining. There's so many people that got creative, that got gutsy, that tried new things, maybe because they had to, but they did it initially to survive.

Right.

And, and I applaud them wherever they are in that journey. And there are a lot of people that are still reeling because, of course, we're not out of it yet.

Yes.

But I know when I started my business, I was already in my mid-40s, you know, starting a business. I was— it was one of those years from hell where I was getting divorced, buying a new home. I was leaving the corporate world. I started my first business, published my first book, and my dad passed away all in one year. And it was, it is not a year I would wish on anybody. And I was the sole support of the family. It wasn't like I could rely on another income. It was me, right? So I had to get, I had to get brave really fast. And part of that was calling in favors. I'd been one of those people, like I'm sure you are, Bernadette, you do things for other people all the time. You find them jobs, you connect them with the right people, you do all these things, right? Joy. And then suddenly it was, oh, I better do some of this for me. Hmm. Ask for help. I better do some reaching out, you know.

Right.

Question asking.

Right.

Well, lined up to be helpful, as they mostly do.

Right. If you ask, if you actually take that risk, take that risk to your pride, maybe, you know, and ask for the help that you need and you deserve. Yeah.

Yeah. And women are not too terrific at that. We will, you know, go it alone and slog through. And many of us have been forced to ask and raise our hands and all of that during this time. Because, you know, I mean, we've seen the she-cession and all of that with more than 2 million women leaving their jobs basically because they didn't have any flexibility. And they had— somebody had to take care of family and matters at home. And, of course, historically and still today, that falls on women, right? And they just couldn't handle it. And, you know, there's, there's something broken in our system that allows that to happen.

Absolutely.

That's the conversation for another time.

It is, it is. So what do you find, or have found, especially over the last couple years, um, why people are so fearful of change? You know, what is the underlying thing? And then how can there How can leaders overall, entrepreneurial, entrepreneurially, corporately, or even in the community, how can they help people overcome that fear?

Well, I think our fear of change, besides that sort of hardwiring and all of that, that lights up, it's— we don't know if it's going to work. And I'm always saying to my clients, particularly entrepreneurs, we're going to try all these different things. If you knew or I knew exactly what would work, That's all you'd have to do.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Exactly. But you don't, any more than you have to go to the gym one time and be done with it, which when that happens, sign me up.

Yeah, right. Absolutely.

But we've got to try a lot of things. But it's that idea of what if, what if I go down in flames? What if people laugh at me for trying something bold? What if I spend my money and it doesn't happen? What if my spouse is really annoyed at me because I'm yet again making a change? It's all of those.

Yeah.

And we have to put some of the emotion aside and really tap into both the logic and the emotion of it and figure out, you know, what's the risk? Like, who are afraid to fly? And I get it. It's scary up there. But look at the risk, know the numbers. Or my— when my son was 18, when he— on his 18th birthday, he wanted to skydive. And I thought, that is not something I will ever want to do. I haven't done, won't do. You did?

I do.

You do. And you can look at the risks, which your risk of dying is relatively small.

Yeah.

You know, you're going to be in tandem. Somebody very experienced is going to be with you.

Yeah.

So, you know, there's not much of a risk. I just didn't want to do it. It sounded really scary. But we've got to look at what's the worst case scenario. Yeah. You try something new. Gee, I launched a course and, you know, it was very hard to get people to sign up. Oh, gee, I learned a lot.

Right.

For me, where I set the bar in terms of success is really low. If I learn something, that's a success.

Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. Not that I don't live that, that way, but yeah, you put it so logically.

It's so simple. If I do something and it falls flat, oh, you know what, let me see if I can figure out what, why it didn't work and tweak it or not do it again or do something completely different. But if that's where you set the bar, and by the way, if I don't learn something and I I'm gonna do it again. Then, you know, that's about the time you get knocked up on that by a 2x4 and you say, oh, okay, I'm getting this now. That is never going to work.

So now let me ask you another question about the subject of, of fear. So people have a fear of change because they— what if it doesn't happen, you know, it doesn't work out? But where do you see people's— I guess it would be fear, fear of what other people will think.

It's huge. And I think it's, you know, I mean, we see it among kids with the peer pressure and all of that, which they're very much subject to. We see it with social media where you've got to live the Insta life. And there comes a point, we're going to find it in ourselves, and it's different for everyone, where it just, you know, of course you care about people's feelings and not, you know, being rude and all those sorts of things. Most people, most of us. But to care about somebody's opinion of how I live or how I work, as long as it's moral and legal, doesn't matter. And I think I hit about, you know, maybe age 50 or so. And I thought, I got nothing to prove, right? I have nothing to prove to anybody. I'd like to keep doing good work. I'd like to keep helping people. I'd like to entertain myself and my loved ones and all of those things and have the wherewithal to do that. But does somebody doesn't like and, you know, you're out in public, you certainly— I've gotten a few negative comments. I wrote a piece about George Floyd after that, and I got some, you know, as they now say, the haters show up.

Right. We all have haters. Everyone has haters. And I, you know, what do you tell someone? What are your tips or recommendations for someone who really wants to get to the point where they're like, I don't care. What you say is not going to stick on me. How do you kind of help someone to get beyond that?

Well, first identify, you gotta do a little personal excavation and find your own limiting assumption. What is it that holds you back? What is, we've all got the strength, our superpower, and we've all got this underlying limiting assumption. No matter how self-evolved you are, there's something from our upbringing, from life in general, because, you know, life is tough. And as one of my friends says, life is tough and there are a few good dinners and movies in between. You can look at it that way. But we've got that moment of, is it, is it I'm not smart enough, I'll never make enough money? I mean, mine, I grew up in a house of chaos. I had a mentally ill parent, I had an alcoholic parent, like lots of divorces and remarriages for years, suicide in my immediate family. I mean, it was It was trauma. And I felt, you know, there was so much drama going on above and around me that what I felt or wanted just didn't matter, because there was too much else to focus on. And I grew up with that sense of what I want to do or what I have to say, not really important. So I really built a career, as good as it was, I built a career speaking for others. I mean, I was literally a corporate spokesperson. And helping other people look smart and say smart things to the media and all of that.

Right.

I got to the point I thought, you know, maybe I have something to say for myself about what I've learned along the way and the changes I've made. And it took a moment of, oh, but I've never been the one whose voice has been out front. What's going to happen? And I wrote my first book, which happened to be a parenting book. And I was so meticulous in trying to get the stories right. And of course, you change all the names and composite people and that sort of thing, because Publisher didn't want me to use anybody's real name.

Right, me too. Yep.

Yeah, even when they give you permission, they prefer you, you not. So I expressed that to another author that, you know, I was so concerned. I didn't want people to be upset with the way I told their story. And he's like, are you kidding? Nobody's going to comment. You think that many people are going to read that closely or care? And I thought, whoa, how about that? It was sort of freeing and sort of like, ah, yeah. Yes, time. But you know, it's a psychological phenomenon called spotlight effect, right? You think you're in this little microcosm, but guess what? Yeah, not so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be surprised how little people think of you, right?

Right.

So what inspired you to write your book? Your book is You Unstuck: Mastering the New Rules of Risk-Taking.

Well, there were two women I was coaching, and, and no surprise, I, I have more women clients than I do men, which women often pick a woman coach. I always say my clientele is smart women and enlightened men. I love that population, both sides. But there were two women I was coaching who had, you know, to the objective, to the outside eye, pretty much the same level of expertise. One was an engineer and very successful at her firm, but not really happy. One was a litigator, corporate attorney inside a law firm. Both highly educated, specialized, smart, resources, all of that. And they both wanted to change their careers. The engineer secretly wanted to work in Hollywood. Another reason people used to come to me. And we very quickly found a way in through her expertise because she also had a couple of years in HR. I said, well, that's the quickest thing you can market. Hard to be an environmental engineer at a studio, right? There are probably a couple. And she just leaned into that HR background, very quickly got a job at a small studio that was in kind of disarray, and just parlayed that into what she wanted, which was more of an operations position in entertainment and media. And it went really smoothly and quickly. At the same time, this litigator— and I've since learned that often people who are fierce advocates for others not so fierce for themselves.

Yeah, yeah, I found that. Yep.

Yeah, they'd much rather fight on someone else's behalf. So this woman was having a really hard time. And after a year of coaching and sending her down multiple pathways of exploration— let's look at these three areas— she looked at being a lateral in another firm, going to another firm and doing the same thing.. And, you know, she was reluctant to pick up the phone or ask anybody questions. And it was— coaching sometimes is nagging. Yeah. By next Wednesday at noon. And she did. And she found out, well, that's not going to be— it's going to be doing the same thing, but having no equity inside the firm. They're not going to know me. I'll have to start over to do what I'm doing. So that was a non-starter. Then she thought about being a coach for women attorneys. And the thought of having her own business, not going to happen. So that was the end of that. Then she thought about a nonprofit, and there was just nothing at her level or salary or any of that. So that was the end of that. And she said, you know, I could work in public service, like a DA's office or something. I said, great, let's explore. And she put together her own team. She called it, you know, Team Sharon, and that was her team. They didn't know it, but that's— they were on the team. And she met with a woman who was a DA and talked to her. And she told her there was a judgeship open, elected office. She would have to run for it, which meant she had to get signatures to be on the ballot. She had to tell her firm. She had to go through all of this. And by then, she'd taken so many other risks. She was getting more attuned to risk-taking. And like joining a running club, going on a date, performing in a nonprofit show, all of these things she would never have done, but she was stepping out. So she got her name on the ballot, and she lost. But she ran again the next year, and she won. And she has been a judge to this day. It's about 16 years now. Wow. And those two women— it's like, why is it easy for some and so hard for others? Let me see if I can codify it and give you every trick I've ever used, every— and all the neuroscience behind the science of fear and how our brains work. And that was really the inspiration.

Awesome. Well, and I love the fact that I, I want to emphasize it because I think when people hear, especially women, uh, risk-taking, they're thinking it has to be something big and, you know, meaningful. And what you just explained a little earlier ago was join the gym, joined a running club, you know. I mean, those are some things, aren't they, that someone who's fearful of risk-taking can just start with those little things, right?

Yes. I call it the non-risk risk. There's nothing to lose, right? Join a running club. You go once or twice and say, not for me. Okay. What, are they going to hate you? They're going to humiliate you in the village? I don't think so.

Right. But yet at the same time, it's building that confidence and that, okay, this isn't as painful as I'm thinking that it is, or scary.

Exactly. And I cannot tell you, Bernadette, how many people inside the corporate world or businesses who have that fear of speaking up. You know, I just, I can't say that. I've only been here for 2 years. I'm right out of, you know, MBA school, whatever it is, right? Is when you're at the big scary meeting and they, they used to be an hour long. Now some of them are, well, some are even longer.

Yeah.

You're sitting at home in your pajamas.

Yeah.

But I would always tell those real introverts that really the anxiety levels are rising, speak up in the first 10 minutes.

Yeah.

Because your anxiety is going to go through the roof by, you know, minute 59. And you're waiting nothing, or you have something intelligent to say and someone else will have said it, and you will be kicking yourself thinking, why didn't I just say that?

Right, right. And again, what's the worst thing that can happen? Is that your kind of your premise of what they need to be thinking about is what's the worst?

Yeah. And also prepare. I mean, you, you don't want to ask the big dumb question at that meeting with your leaders and your leaders' leaders. So think about it. And I have people write out a note card and slip it into their pocket and take it into a meeting with them so that they're prepared with a great question, with an update, with something so they can contribute.

Right.

I've had so many leaders who were considered the passive leader. They don't say anything in a meeting and they think, oh, well, I need my team to speak, or I'm just there to observe and help. It's like if you're invited to that meeting, there should be a reason, right?

A contribution.

Yes, you can own 30 seconds of airtime. You're not stealing anybody's thunder. Yeah, you have a comment, and you better do that if you want people to recognize that you have a voice.

Yeah, absolutely. I love that. I absolutely love that. All right, so you make an amazing promise right in the first chapter of your book, You Unstuck You said that you will personally coach anyone who follows your program faithfully and doesn't get positive results. All right. So program faithfully.

Mm-hmm.

What does that look like? What does that mean? What does that mean to, to you and therefore to those folks that you will coach?

It's pretty simple. And of course, nothing simple is necessarily easy, but it is first clarify the vision. What is it you want? And I make it simple, like, what do you want this year? One thing. Yes, you're going to keep doing everything you do and everything that's required and all of that. But if you are going to raise the bar, what is the one non-negotiable? And for me, it was, it was always something like write a book or launch a program or not something you can do in a week or a month, or, you know, you're already fine, but raise the bar. So clarify the vision. And I typically ask people to set that one objective. Call it whatever you want if that's a scary word or goal is a bad word. But what is the one big thing you're going to do this year in your professional world and in your personal world? Clarify the vision. Next, simplify the path. How do you get time wasters out of the way? How do you get people that are just there to tear you down out of the way? And, you know, if it's your mother-in-law or something, you know, you may have to limit it. You can't control it necessarily. But how do you— and how do you find more time and energy for this raised bar that you've now got? I've had people stop watching so much television, although, you know, I'm a TV person, I absolutely condone entertainment. But— or stop playing. I've had a few men, like Saturday golf while you're starting to set up this entrepreneurial venture while you're working full time, you're going to play 18 holes every Saturday. How about twice a month? How about, you know, look at where you're spending your time and your money. That's, that's what you actually care about. You want to shift it, you're gonna have to shift that too. So simplify the pathway also means bring in some of the resources or the experts that you need. You want to speed up your path, get somebody who's done it. And take yourself seriously in terms of investing, taking a course, taking a class. I mentioned to you that we just moved, my husband and I just bought, we bought a historic home in Southern Oregon on an an acre and I want to plant a garden. I'm not a gardener. I signed up for a college course where I got to take a quiz and I got to do an assignment. Talk about holding myself accountable to learning something new. So you simplify your pathway. 3 months of that, I might be a pretty decent gardener. So get what you need, bring it in, and what you don't need, out.

Right.

Finally, execute the plan. You figured out what, what's important. You figured out how to get there or what you need to get there. Now you've got to do it. And for some people, that's where it all falls apart.

Yep. Absolutely.

I'm sure you know those seminar junkies that would rather take yet another course and seminar than actually apply any of it.

I had a client and pretty much you probably know what happened there. I kind of squashed that whole thing, but But so does your book, since it's in your book and you say if you follow my program faithfully, so is your book almost where, you know, where like a— I don't want to call it a guide, but is it— does it have the application of what it is that you're talking about that they can then follow the program?

Yeah, it is a guide. In fact, it is those 3 steps, you know, across the course of the whole book. Now, here's what's going to trip you up. Voices in your head. How do we turn those down? And as you mentioned in the intro, the liberators and the limiters, who I love to identify the people. And Bernadette, I'll just ask you to think of somebody that just sets your world on fire, makes you think like you can do anything. And it's probably someone, a friend, a colleague, that you can call when you feel like I need that boost of inspiration or self-confidence.

Yep.

We've all got to have those, right? Called for most of us girlfriends.

Yeah.

Sisters for me. Sisters. There you go. Yeah. And you need those. And I call them liberators because I just think they set your dreams free. They just make you feel like, oh yeah, I can do that. Yes, you're right. There's no reason I can't do that.

Right.

And the limiters there, everybody knows that person who seems like they were dropped down on the planet just to burst your bubbles. Oh yes. And I think of somebody I worked with at one point who just, whatever I was doing, and I was planning all these lofty things while I was still in the corporate world, was like, really? You think you could do— why would anybody listen to that? Who are you to write that? You know, you can always find them, right?

And we have enough of it inside our heads, let alone to let them, you know, be out externally from who we are.

Yeah, we don't need to sign up for people who will knock us down. Yeah, you're right. We do enough of that. And I just view that as a listen in. We've heard a lot about inner critics. Listen in. What are the voices saying?

Yeah.

How do you take that voice? Oh, I have no value. Nobody is going to care about what I have to say. And just like that's a baggage tag. And I've actually done this in workshops. Write that limiting assumption on one side now. Flip it over and write the opposite. How would you reframe that as something more positive?

Right.

Got a powerful voice. I've got a big personality, whatever that is.

Yeah, I love that. I love that.

Reframe it. Because if it were something we didn't care about, if I said, you know, I'm really, I'm really concerned, scared to climb a mountain. If I have a lot of energy around that, it's probably because I want to do it. I would never think about climbing a mountain because you know, that just didn't even register. I'm a bit hyper, but I'm not going to climb a real mountain, right? Things we put that fear into are often the things that we care the most about.

Yes, agreed, agreed. So when you make this promise in your book, aren't you taking a risk? Talk about taking a risk, right? No pun intended. But isn't that a risk in itself, that all of these people well, you'll get all these people that will be able to get free coaching, or is there something you're reading, you know, you know about them?

I did not think it was a risk. And, and I— here's why. When I was in the corporate world, I taught one year of college, an entertainment class, and I said to the class early on, you know, this business is about relationships. No surprise, most are. It's about relationships and networking. And learning from people that you've had some exposure to. And I said, like me, I've been in this business a long time. Your students, I'll bet you 1 or 2 people will ever get in contact with me after the class. And that's exactly what happened. Either they're afraid or they're too, you know, they already think they know everything or whatever it is. But there's always 1 or 2 people who will reach out. And I think that's very bold. And I'm sure, like I do, you must get people who show up out of the blue to ask you a question. Or to comment on something that won't—

Sure.

And I think those people deserve a lot of respect and attention because they're brave enough to ask.

Right.

But it also taught me that most people won't make a stand. They're not going to ask. I had one person ever as long as this book has been out. And she had some very special circumstances with a severely disabled daughter that she she was caring for by herself and working, and there just weren't services available to handle everything.

Right.

And she wanted to change careers, and we were sort of breaking that down. She's one of my best buddies to this day, and she didn't even say, I didn't follow your program, but it was— that's how I remembered it, is she said, no, this isn't working for me. She says, I absolutely did not. I reached out just because I wanted to talk to you. And it was really about how do I make these life changes? And she is, and she has.

Right, right. So it's life changes that you kind of help to coach on. It's transitions.

It's—

it sounds like it's career development, entrepreneurial development and growth. Am I missing anything?

No, that's basically it. How do I become a better leader in whatever my role is? And people mistake leadership for a job or a title or a level. It's not. It is a choice that we make, right, to step up our game, right? That's it.

Yeah.

And leadership— excuse me, you might have just answered it, but I think people are also confused that leadership means that you have people assigned to you, as opposed to you're a solopreneur, solo corporate. It's not necessarily that you have a team.

Correct. I mean, you're either a— you'd be a leader in your own family, a leader in your community. All of that is, I am taking on the position that I'm here to learn, I'm here to make positive change happen, I'm here to impact other people around me. That's leadership. And an interesting thing, I wrote a book with Rice University called Leadership Reckoning about an amazing program they have. It's called the Doerr Institute for New Leaders. And it is a program to help students learn to become leaders or make the decision to be leaders and then learn what that means for them. And they often come into the program thinking, well, leaders are extroverts. They're, you know, cutthroats. They're tough people.

They're—

that's not me. And then they discover through this process of exploration and self-awareness, leaders come in all shapes and sizes. You can be a very introverted leader. You can be a quiet leader. You can be a bold leader. You can be an inspirational leader. You can be a data-functioning leader.

Right, right.

It's the best version of you taking your skills, your competencies to the highest level that you can and then learning more.

Yes. Always learning more.

Yeah.

Right. Always learning more. Because leaders, leaders never stop learning. Correct.

You say Yes, and I think that is the currency of any small business, solo entrepreneurship, mega corporations is, you know, I am a lifelong learner because you can flow through different, different functions if you are continuing to learn. In fact, I think people should, or they, they get bored, they get stagnant, they're not challenged in life or in work. Absolutely. And as business owners, boy, we better be learning marketing enough about, you know, the legal, the financial. I've never had to read a P&L statement in Yeah, but you know, you learn, you learn all those things.

So, um, I love being able to kind of relate to those of those listening and watching. So have you ever been stuck? And if so, where in your personal or professional life? And the bigger the better.

A gazillion times, I would say, would be the short answer. Um, yes, when I was in the corporate world, I I hadn't ever intended to go into public relations. I always wanted to be on the creative side. I didn't have the guts to go, you know, I didn't land in one of those jobs and work my way up. And once I was in a job, I felt like, oh, I can't reach out. I can't figure out how to get off this track and onto another. I was still that shy kid. So I just didn't do it. And I kind of kept riding the wave and going up. And it No complaints about the career, but I realized, you know, I'd worked really hard to get to where I didn't really want to be. And so it dawned on me in a very graphic— and I mean that in the literal visual sense— I was tapped for a higher-level position at the sort of enterprise big level to do kind of the same thing. And I thought, gee, do I really want to take one more step? I was already trying to figure out how to move away. I was writing for somebody's blog. I was starting to outline books, you know, all this crazy stuff, uh, which my limiter said, are you out of your mind? You've got a great— um, and including my now ex-husband, who used to refer to me as the malcontent. You're never happy with where you are. It was— to me, it was like, no, I'm always looking over the next— wait, good for you.

Yeah, good for you.

So I was— but because this job was in the offing and I might take it, and my department was the one that was in charge of corporate announcements, you know, this person got a promotion, that sort of thing, I went through the steps of somebody wrote my announcement and I needed a new headshot. So they took my headshot, and rather than send it to the photo department, which worked for me, it ended up on my desk. So I innocently opened this 8x10 envelope, pulled out the black and white print of my face with all the marks from the photographer in red grease pencil.

No!

Horrifying! It said, "Whiten the red eyes, remove the gray hair, um, you know, get rid of the crow's feet." It was like every flaw on my face in glaring red. And I looked at that thing and started to just choke up and thought, I thought I had it together. I was 30 pounds heavier. More now, it's more like 25 pounds heavier. I put a little— second marriage and happiness has put a few back on. But I also was overweight. I lost 30 pounds in part of that year from hell. But I looked at that and thought, I'm not fooling anybody but me. I mean, I am, I am miserable and I look miserable. And I went to a friend's office that day and kind of flopped down in her chair and said, what do I do? And we started talking about it, and she was one of those great people that said, well, what do you want to do next? And that got the ball rolling, and within a year, um, I had set in motion my next career.

Nice, nice.

Funny how the universe does that for you, right?

Isn't it though? Isn't it though? They send you something that will just just cause everything to just shift.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, and the thing that I struggle with though, um, when it comes to human behavior and people dealing with, as you say, limiters and liberators, is they get so ramped up about their goals or the resolutions, whatever they might want to call them, um, and they start, but then all of a sudden they just, you know, like You know, after the New Year's resolutions, they don't last much longer than a few weeks.

Why?

Why is that? Well, you know, what kind of all of a sudden occurs that causes that to happen?

It's that January gym membership, isn't it?

Yeah. Yes, it is.

Just like our brain fears that something that's entirely different feels risky, we also light up at something new, particularly when it seems exciting and fun. You know, we get that endorphin rush or the serotonin boost or whatever it is in our brains physiologically that gives us that excitement. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna write a book. Doesn't that sound fun? Well, the idea may sound fun. The following through is a lot harder. Yeah, that rush, often when we understand how much work is involved, that starts to mix in with that excitement and brings it down a notch. So when you set that annual objective, and I do that every year, and it's— you've really got to be passionate about it or you're not going to get there. You've really got to care about it. I always thought I would run a marathon by the time I was 50. It's like 50 came and went. It's never happening. I just don't care enough. I care about being fit, right? About my clothes fitting, and I want to be healthy and energetic. But I found that so many other ways. Hiking and yoga does it. It for me. I don't need to run a marathon. So I just crossed it off the list. And I think we get enamored of a new idea. We don't always want to do the grunt work to get there. And there, there are two things that I think affect that. And this is why I love to run groups, and I have a couple membership groups. But one is support. You need people on a regular basis cheering you on. You do.

Absolutely.

If you were in isolation— and writing is a good metaphor for for that because it's a solo enterprise. You are on your own. Yeah, if you hate it, get a partner. If you can afford it, get a ghostwriter. Do whatever you need. If you need that, you know, particularly for experts that we do, that good nonfiction book, you don't have to go it alone. Or write a terrible first draft and let someone edit it for you. There's so many ways around it. So you need to look at that in terms of how do I stick to You need that ongoing support. And the other thing, just as critical, maybe more, accountability. Who's keeping you honest? Who's keeping you on track? Who's saying, did you finish this chapter? And during COVID I thought, just like we were talking about, so many people had to pivot, including me, right? Because my whole speaking calendar gone in a day, right? Everything gone. And it's now 2 years later, just limping back. It's really coming back, even some live events.

It is. It is.

Thank God. Exciting. But I thought, well, what am I going to do now? I had that moment of panic, like, oh my God, I'll never work again. My husband said, I think you're having a stress reaction. Really? I'll just start. I'll do what I do. I'll just reach out and start a coaching group. And I just put it on social media and in my newsletter and said, hey, let's do this thing on Wednesdays and see where we are. And I truly thought we'd gather and talk about, oh, here's what it's like. I mean, I had people from Australia to Trinidad, Canada. It was, it was such a blessing to me to think, wow, people are paying attention, they want to—

right, nice.

I thought we'd be talking about, oh, here's what it's like in Trinidad, here's what it's like in Montreal. We did that for a couple of weeks. And then after that, people started changing their businesses with this focus group of others.

Nice.

We stayed together for a year.

Nice.

It was incredible to see that. But that was so much about the support, right? The accountability. And I would start— and my two groups I run now, writing group and a women's entrepreneur membership groups. And I started with what I called cheers and challenges. You know, give me your cheer. What's your big win? And What's the challenge you're facing?

Oh, I love that.

Isn't that fun? I had someone in the group from— amazing woman with Doctors Without Borders, and she adopted it for their handbook. So nice. Doctors Without Borders, cheers and challenges.

Nice.

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. Again, it was like, what if no one shows up? And you know what? It wasn't 100 people or 1,000 people, right? We had 30 people showing up.

And you're actually inviting our guests, you're inviting any of our listeners and viewers to sit in on one of your membership groups. How would they go about doing that if they choose to?

They can email me at Libby at LibbyGill.com. I've got one group that is just ongoing support and resources for entrepreneurial women, although we'll let men who are in that career change or growth enlightened guys can join us. And another is a writing group. And this started because I just missed my writing cafe. And so, and so many people were left on their own to write. So I've got a writing group, and it's an online group. We co-work, and I hop into breakout rooms, and I've written in just about every genre at this point. And so you sit in, I give you notes and feedback, and as we go, and it's a working group, and people have written book proposals and memoirs and scripts. And I have a dog trainer who writes her newsletter every week in there and just all kinds of—

Oh, that's awesome.

Keynotes, whatever you're working on, right? You get support and feedback and you've got a sacred place on your calendar, right?

Right.

Awesome.

So send me that, or I'll say— I'll email Libby at LibbyGill.com and ask about that. But she is off, she is inviting you to either her writing class or her woman and group or women's entrepreneur group to sit in and check it out.

And the women's group we call the 2X Club. First, it's a club because it's fun, right? You get to be part of the club, but it's 2X because you earn twice as much and work half as hard is our motto. So you can, you can sit in and come prepared to work, and I'll explain what that means, right? And you'll be a functioning member for that day. If you like it, stick around, and if not, you are welcome to sit in and get whatever you can from it.

Yeah, that's awesome, that's awesome. All right, any last tips? Because this has been fabulous, but any one big tip that you would provide to someone when it comes to them getting unstuck so they can— by taking risks so they can continue moving forward?

Yeah, it's a quote But you can apply it as a risk. And it's— I've written about the science of hopefulness, which is called hope theory. Another topic. And there's a quote from Helen Keller, who I consider— where she came from with the disability she had at that time in life.

Absolutely.

To surmount all of that and become a role model and an advocate and an activist. She said, "Alone we can do so little." together we can do so much. So I challenge you to get out there, join a group, form a group, get in sisterhood or brotherhood with other people and find that strength in partnership.

I love that. And because it is— I mean, one, why would you want to go it alone?

Yeah.

You know, it's just— it is hard at times. And why go it alone when you can just, you know, kind of put together a team or whatever that might look like. I absolutely love that. Libby, thank you so much. This has been awesome. And I want to remind everybody, you can also go to libbygill.com and check her out and everything that she's doing, including her 6 books. You have got to check out, um, her books and, uh, these clubs. And you can email her, uh, like I mentioned, at libby@libbygill.com. To learn more about that. I will certainly be reaching out, but I thank you so much for being part of the program.

Thank you for letting me be here. It was an absolute joy.

Oh, thank you very much. And for everyone else, I am grateful that you're here as well, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch. Thanks everybody, have a great one. Bye.

Thank you for taking part in Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV with Bernadette Boas. We would love to know what your biggest takeaway was. Go to Shedding the Bitch on Facebook or YouTube and leave a comment. You can also subscribe to the show on Apple Podcast and YouTube so you don't miss a single episode of the show. And with your input, we can help other powerhouse women just like you find the show and decide if it's right for them. Learn more about Bernadette at balloffirecoaching.com.

See you next week.